FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Dunno if im worthy
Dunno if im worthy
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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For many years I have owned companies which have been successful but recently I've changed from trading as to limited. All ok but I have set myself a wage, as low as it is I find that the wife thinks I'm a failure. We've had problems for years but this seems to be the straw. I'm not sure what I'm asking to be fair but any input is greatly received. I know this maybe not the right place to ask but hell dunno where else to turn |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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As self employed I could swing accounts accordingly but now not so much. But surely my wage shouldn't matter. Ok I have not informed her on my dividends but really should that matter after 25 years of marriage |
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"As self employed I could swing accounts accordingly but now not so much. But surely my wage shouldn't matter. Ok I have not informed her on my dividends but really should that matter after 25 years of marriage "
Yes it should, why are you hiding information from her like this? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"As self employed I could swing accounts accordingly but now not so much. But surely my wage shouldn't matter. Ok I have not informed her on my dividends but really should that matter after 25 years of marriage "
of course it matters! 2 or 25 years! |
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By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago
in the suffolk countryside |
you are a failure for keeping your wife in the dark about how this will/ will not effect her, your family/ household, she must be worried sick..or were you hoping to hide it away somewhere and do a runner??  |
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"I'm no longer the "boss" I'm just an employee of the company I started so unfortunately I Can not expose the company I work for financial status"
So someone bought the company from you then? That's not what you implied at the beginning. |
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Two or three things come to mind -
We often set our personal value and linked self-esteem, to external factors, such as type of career, income, social status, material goods etc,rather than who we intrinsically are - our uniqueness and qualities. Others often get it wrong, judging others by those things too.
Your wife may be hitting you whilst you're perhaps at a lower point too - is she blaming you for something?
With chronic relationship issues, the problem of the day is just a symptom. Energy needs to be invested in to what's not right more substantially, if you're going to beat this. Otherwise it could be a vicious cycle of never-ending misery. You deserve better.
I'd create a barrier that's enforced each time it's raised to knock you and request time is spent discussing what's really up and how you move on. |
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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in North Norfolk |
"I'm no longer the "boss" I'm just an employee of the company I started so unfortunately I Can not expose the company I work for financial status"
If you're just an employee, how can you have set yourself a wage?
Any dividend you receive isn't private company information, I think your wife is entitled to know your income, including dividends. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Well this all sounds insanely messy.
Talk to the wife, counsellors, and solicitors if it's beyond recovery.
Other than that, I'm out. You're withholding stuff from your wife. That's a major trust issue. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I bought the company from me from if the worst case happens my house and possessions will not be taken. My middle son works for means I would like to know if everything went tits up he would be safe but it has come as a sacrifice to my own well being. I'm quite happy taking an average wage with profit bonus depending on how work goes but like I said I'm not worthy this way |
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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in North Norfolk |
"I bought the company from me from if the worst case happens my house and possessions will not be taken. My middle son works for means I would like to know if everything went tits up he would be safe but it has come as a sacrifice to my own well being. I'm quite happy taking an average wage with profit bonus depending on how work goes but like I said I'm not worthy this way"
You're not being very clear.
You're effectively saying now you're Director of a limited company which you sold to yourself to protect your assets?
So you're not "just an employee", and there's nothing preventing you from sharing details with your wife, other than the fact you seem to want to keep them hidden, for some reason.
I'd be pissed off too. |
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"I bought the company from me from if the worst case happens my house and possessions will not be taken. My middle son works for means I would like to know if everything went tits up he would be safe but it has come as a sacrifice to my own well being. I'm quite happy taking an average wage with profit bonus depending on how work goes but like I said I'm not worthy this way"
This is way too confusing! You are contracting yourself left right and centre.
It certainly sounds like it'd you with the inferiority complex, not your wife thinking you are not worthy. |
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By *harpDressed ManMan
over a year ago
Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else |
It's not a proofreading company, is it?
Sorry to seem to be taking the piss, but your writing style is hard to follow and I don't know what to say to someone who says
"I bought the company from me"
...as there seem to be enough people involved before you involved the Internet... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't know what to say to someone who says
"I bought the company from me"
...as there seem to be enough people involved before you involved the Internet..."
^ this.
First bit doesn't make sense.
I think he's saying he bought the company from himself and transferred that into another entity.
That's legal and fine.
But to the OP... I also wouldn't be talking about this kind of stuff here.
You need to be talking to your wife, not a bunch of Strangers on a fucking forum.
/I'm going to bed.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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doesn't sound like you think you're 'not worthy';..did you not discuss any of this before you did it?..or if you lie/hide information routinely, then im not suprised she's pissed! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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By the looks of his profile it's not the only thing he's hiding '' I am a 42 year old male Who is married but wife does not know about this. I'm not going to go on about why or looking to be judged, let's just say we're best of friends but not as sexually comparable as we once was.
I have had bisexual experience many years ago and wouldn't rule out trying again''. He sounds like a catch  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"By the looks of his profile it's not the only thing he's hiding "
Your profile is pretty interesting aswell:
Doctors/ Lawyers/ Pilots/ Military officers only...anyone else will be blocked"
^ Anybody could tell you they are a doctor/lawyer/pilot or write that on their profile...how do you know it's true?..
Just to play devils advocate... 
/unless it's a fucking joke.  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I'm just trying to let off steam if anyone can understand. I have no other place to vent. I thought here would be a neural place where I can get an honest reply |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"For many years I have owned companies which have been successful but recently I've changed from trading as to limited. All ok but I have set myself a wage, as low as it is I find that the wife thinks I'm a failure. We've had problems for years but this seems to be the straw. I'm not sure what I'm asking to be fair but any input is greatly received. I know this maybe not the right place to ask but hell dunno where else to turn"
Honesty is always the best policy ,if your wife feels that your wage is who you are well personally id be wondering if i deserved better |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm just trying to let off steam if anyone can understand. I have no other place to vent. I thought here would be a neural place where I can get an honest reply "
you've had several...but as your post seems to say you are being deliberately dishonest,i dont see what you want to achieve. |
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"I'm just trying to let off steam if anyone can understand. I have no other place to vent. I thought here would be a neural place where I can get ant honest reply "
sit her down and explain everything. Put your cards on the table and tell her everything. She wouldnt think any worse than she already does
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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in North Norfolk |
"I'm just trying to let off steam if anyone can understand. I have no other place to vent. I thought here would be a neural place where I can get an honest reply "
You're getting honest replies |
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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in North Norfolk |
"I have sat down and gone through things hence why I'm a failure I really don't know what I can do to"
"Ok I have not informed her on my dividends but really should that matter after 25 years of marriage"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have sat down and gone through things hence why I'm a failure I really don't know what I can do to"
you said earlier you hadnt told her about dividends or something, so, no,you havent gone through everything if you're lying about your income to her. |
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By *harpDressed ManMan
over a year ago
Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else |
"I'm just trying to let off steam if anyone can understand. I have no other place to vent. I thought here would be a neural place where I can get an honest reply "
Letting off steam doesn't traditionally require a reply, honest (the irony!) or otherwise.
If you want sense out of us, you will need to make a passing attempt at coherence. I know it's inconvenient, but that's just the way that conversation works... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"But why should my bonus make any difference "
you have based your whinge on the fact that your earnings have affected your wife's opinion of you, so obviously it makes a difference...your posts are completely nonsensical!
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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in North Norfolk |
"But why should my bonus make any difference "
Because, as it's your company, it's effectively part of your income which you are trying to hide from her.
You've set up the company as a limited company to protect your personal assets and, I strongly suspect, to use what you take as wages and what you take as duvidends to your financial gain. And you've declined to share that information with your wife.
One wonders why you are hiding it. |
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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in North Norfolk |
"I'm guessing money is the most important thing then"
Why is it you're hiding it? Why haven't you been completely honest?
I'd say the lack of honesty is the important thing.
If you think the money is so unimportant, why are you hiding the information? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So I'm out of line and should not feel effected by her thoughts of me?"
no-one has said that! but you are completely out of line lying to her regarding your income.don't know why you seem to expect to be told thats fine, and she's in the wrong. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I dare say she will think the money issues you are having is nothing compared to you cheating on her with men and cross dressers. Maybe be a decent person and tell her rather than wait for the house of cards to come crashing down ? |
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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in North Norfolk |
"I dare say she will think the money issues you are having is nothing compared to you cheating on her with men and cross dressers. Maybe be a decent person and tell her rather than wait for the house of cards to come crashing down ? "
I'm wondering if trying to hide income is in preparation for that possibility tbh. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm guessing money is the most important thing then"
yet another complete non-sequitor....no, lying is the most important thing! if you've been together 25 years do you really think for a minute that she won't be aware when you are hiding things from her and lying? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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That's the silliest part about it.she has full access to the accounts to actually see what goes in and out. I hold no secrets but due to wanting to run a limited company is wrong |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Even if he did he'd be doing her a huge favour. Any wife would be better off without a lying cheating husband who gets her into financial troubles and tries to make out she's the bitch for the sympathy vote |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"That's the silliest part about it.she has full access to the accounts to actually see what goes in and out. I hold no secrets but due to wanting to run a limited company is wrong"
you are contradicitng yourself again! youve already said twice you are hiding dividends from her...get your story straight! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Go home. talk to the wife. tell her EVERYTHING. then you have an honest base line to start from. take it from there and build a stronger relationship with honesty
or go your own ways and find your own new horizons.
failing that..keep living how you are and not communicate very well with each other
those are approximately the options you have as i see it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"That's the silliest part about it.she has full access to the accounts to actually see what goes in and out. I hold no secrets but due to wanting to run a limited company is wrong
you are contradicitng yourself again! youve already said twice you are hiding dividends from her...get your story straight!"
can you IMAGINE how convoluted the story is at home after 25 years. We've known the man for an hour and it's getting this complicated |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"That's the silliest part about it.she has full access to the accounts to actually see what goes in and out. I hold no secrets but due to wanting to run a limited company is wrong
you are contradicitng yourself again! youve already said twice you are hiding dividends from her...get your story straight!
can you IMAGINE how convoluted the story is at home after 25 years. We've known the man for an hour and it's getting this complicated "
i know! i'm off to bed, it's beginning to give me a twitch in my eyelid!!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Ok.....I'm gonna say it did anyone else open this thread expecting it to be something Wayne's World related??? Just me then *grabs coat*
Serious note, 25 years is a long time to be together might be worth sitting down and having a honest chat with her and exactly how you feel. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Tbf ever thing she has given me makes me wonder if I'm worthy hence the post "
again, that is completely incomprehensible. i'm assuming youre very d*unk, which is preferable to my alternative assumption... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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So you've gone limited so you canpay yourself min wage and less tax in the process and the you'll pay yourself a dividend at the end of the year from the profit while only paying like 10-20 of it to the taxman.
Is she not able to spend how she used to now then?? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So you've gone limited so you canpay yourself min wage and less tax in the process and the you'll pay yourself a dividend at the end of the year from the profit while only paying like 10-20 of it to the taxman.
Is she not able to spend how she used to now then??"
..and hides the dividends from her,lies about them, and wonders why that should make any difference to her opinion of him... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The advantages of going limited over self employed is national insurance..you don't pay any on dividends..also assets are offered more protection. Unless the business has had a down turn then explain to her that you've gone limited so you two actually get more to spend than as self employed...it's easy enough...71p in the pound if self employed 80p in a limited company.But with low salary if you do split then any maintainence would be minimal...it's one way people use to avoid paying it... |
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"So you've gone limited so you canpay yourself min wage and less tax in the process and the you'll pay yourself a dividend at the end of the year from the profit while only paying like 10-20 of it to the taxman.
Is she not able to spend how she used to now then??"
Dividends can be paid more frequently...even monthly as a directors loan...so there is actually no drop in income...something doesn't add up. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Go home. talk to the wife. tell her EVERYTHING. then you have an honest base line to start from. take it from there and build a stronger relationship with honesty
or go your own ways and find your own new horizons.
failing that..keep living how you are and not communicate very well with each other
those are approximately the options you have as i see it. "
yes. Tell her everything. Including you're on here! |
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