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Messages fizzling out
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Hi
Now I know we're fairly new on here so I wanted to know if it's common or not for message conversations to fizzle out quite rapidly?
It seems the routine is, exchange winks, send message, get reply, exchange a few more messages then nothing.
I can understand after sending face pics if they're not interested but we've had it happen without sending pics and after they've said they find us attractive!
I dunno, maybe our conversation skills aren't up to scratch  |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
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It happens. Sustaining interest can be quite a difficult thing. The initial conversational spark that occurs when you find someone attractive can quickly disappear if a part of the message makes you realise incompatibility. Life also happens. Or you can run out of things to say and don't want to be sad fuck with inane drivel! You'll find someone or two soon who you keep conversing with until you meet.
It could also be that they just wanted a wank. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We find the messaging protocol hard work.
As a couple looking for other couples we aren't really looking for lengthy conversations or life stories - or even sex speak - it's a short, sharp do we all find each other attractive enough to take it to the next stage? We therefore aren't keen on back and forth conversations as they tend to go nowhere.
We have found that meeting people via Fab messaging is very hit and miss which is why we prefer to meet initially in clubs with no expectations and see how things go.
OP, you have the addition issue of being quite new and lacking verification and therefore many established couples will back off quite quickly if there is no sense of an impending meet. Just the way it goes unfortunately  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We do often find this happening, it's not just because you're new.
There could be all sorts of reasons for it to fizzle out, people are entitled to change their mind - but we prefer to be upfront and adult about it.
People can be overwhelmed on here and make connections with too many people, therefore losing track, it's often newbies who do that.
Real life can get in the way too understandably. You have no idea of what's going on in people's lives etc so we try not to judge.
Plus there's the dreamer/wannabe element - they like the idea of meeting but not actually going through with it.
We've learned the lesson of not chatting too much online. |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
Can be any number of reasons I guess but have to agree with most of those Meli laid out above - sometimes there just isn't that "spark" in the conversation that keeps it going, and you find yourself trying to think of something to say almost for the sake of it, especially if there's no real interest/possibility of meeting.
You then have the added dynamic with a couples profile where it may have been one half of the couple doing the chatting and then the other half comes along and perhaps doesn't see the same potential.
And then there's chatting to me which is usually a good prompt for anyone to pull the plug!! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"We find the messaging protocol hard work.
As a couple looking for other couples we aren't really looking for lengthy conversations or life stories - or even sex speak - it's a short, sharp do we all find each other attractive enough to take it to the next stage? We therefore aren't keen on back and forth conversations as they tend to go nowhere.
A club is very much our next step, hopefully on NYE
We have found that meeting people via Fab messaging is very hit and miss which is why we prefer to meet initially in clubs with no expectations and see how things go.
OP, you have the addition issue of being quite new and lacking verification and therefore many established couples will back off quite quickly if there is no sense of an impending meet. Just the way it goes unfortunately "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yeh it happens a lot. The problem I usually find is a lot of fems will only ever answer yes or no, which doesnt allow any chat to flow at all, and it just fizzles out. Also, a lot of people simply don't want to make the effort.  |
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Yep.
It seems to be if a date isn't arranged within a day or 2 then they go quiet. I find this happens more often with the M half of a couple, he gets distracted with the next shiny object or pair of tits. |
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By *mmmMaybeCouple
over a year ago
West Wales |
I'd agree with all the above, We found ourselves like kids in a sweet shop when we started but soon backed it off as we were messaging several people on here on kik on whatsapp and they were just the ones we contacted, while this is going on you then have peeps contacting you too..it was just too much and lots fell by the wayside.
So now we have people we'd say are possible playmates, both sides have an interest, might just be social, might be more but for now we'll have a laugh & come across each other in the forums, occasionally message about stuff, some we may talk to everyday others maybe once a week but interest is there.
The only very important thing for us and I don't think we are alone, is that we don't always want to be the ones to kick off a chat, whether that be a new contact or someone we've chatted to in the past..it just seems too one sided to us, luckily we have a few female friends who do just that.. 
S |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Yeh it happens a lot. The problem I usually find is a lot of fems will only ever answer yes or no, which doesnt allow any chat to flow at all, and it just fizzles out. Also, a lot of people simply don't want to make the effort. "
Yeah there does seem to be those that really don't seem to want to put the effort in! A couple we messaged the other day were having a completely different conversation to us! |
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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago
Up on them there hills |
"It happens. Sustaining interest can be quite a difficult thing. The initial conversational spark that occurs when you find someone attractive can quickly disappear if a part of the message makes you realise incompatibility. Life also happens. Or you can run out of things to say and don't want to be sad fuck with inane drivel! You'll find someone or two soon who you keep conversing with until you meet.
It could also be that they just wanted a wank."
Fancy a quick chat...  |
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There has gotta be a common ground for you to maintain a conversation with someone.. some common interest beyond just sex because that conversation is rather like the act... usually lasts only a few minutes..  |
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By *ikeC81Man
over a year ago
harrow |
An interesting point
This year - late spring early summer - I had loads of people that iwas talking with and getting on well with with a look to play
Then I went away for 2 weeks and I couldn't commit to anything till after then Euros and it just fizzelled out
I think real life just got in the way. I suppose in to months I haven't been clubbing or looking for people to play with |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Most of my messages tend to fizzle out as I refuse to give my number out, I get told it makes it difficult to communicate ah well time to move on then. I won't change my mind, I look at their profile and it shows they're using their mobile to access the site, so it's really not that difficult for them. But entirely up to them, if they want to message on the phone then they can find someone willing to do that. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Happens frequently I'm afraid. I've had rather long conversations with a couple of people recently and then they've just not bothered to reply to my last message over 24hrs ago but have been online . It happens and I just think .... next  and move on to someone that will put the effort in |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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happens a bit. get chatting and it just fizzles out after a bit.
I've gotten to know folk through chatting and found they just don't excite me very much. pics can be great etc but I just can't be arsed listening to what they have to say. sure many have felt the same about me.
I guess that's what people message a bit first sometimes just to figure each other out. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Most of my messages tend to fizzle out as I refuse to give my number out, I get told it makes it difficult to communicate ah well time to move on then. I won't change my mind, I look at their profile and it shows they're using their mobile to access the site, so it's really not that difficult for them. But entirely up to them, if they want to message on the phone then they can find someone willing to do that. "
I didn't think you were entertaining new messages anyway |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Happens frequently I'm afraid. I've had rather long conversations with a couple of people recently and then they've just not bothered to reply to my last message over 24hrs ago but have been online . It happens and I just think .... next and move on to someone that will put the effort in "
I sometimes don't reply because I think their reply was only a polite thing and they really don't want that particular conversation to go on (and on). So I leave it. But I guess if they are in fact awaiting my reply they may think I'm not bothered and move on.
I probably cost myself lots of possible meets but I'm just socially inept. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Most of my messages tend to fizzle out as I refuse to give my number out, I get told it makes it difficult to communicate ah well time to move on then. I won't change my mind, I look at their profile and it shows they're using their mobile to access the site, so it's really not that difficult for them. But entirely up to them, if they want to message on the phone then they can find someone willing to do that.
I didn't think you were entertaining new messages anyway "
There have been some that I've messaged first, but mainly going from my previous messages (when I could be bothered to read them). |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Unless there is a clear intention of actually meeting, conversations tend to fizzle out... Only so many "how are you today" mails can be sent over a period of days |
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Of course it happens; just as it does in real life; someone sparks your interest, you start to communicate; and as you communicate for longer, one or other realises that the other person is not so interesting after all. And then you get distracted by something ( someone) else; and the conversation fizzles out.
In real life, if you are chatting to someone , you usually need an excuse to break off the conversation; e.g. " oh there's Bill must go and have a chat" or " must go, chat again sometime?"
Online, things just fizzle out, and eventually you don't reply.
Simple.
Just because you have chatted with someone, doesn't mean it's going to continue forever |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think most of us get tired of the constant messaging on line. We tend to try to set a date to meet, even for a social, quite quickly.
We're not interested in messaging to and fro for a few months with the possibility of a meet that probably won't happen.
There are to many people who want a conversation but haven't sorted their lives out so as they can meet. Sorry. This isn't Mumsnet. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think most of us get tired of the constant messaging on line. We tend to try to set a date to meet, even for a social, quite quickly.
We're not interested in messaging to and fro for a few months with the possibility of a meet that probably won't happen.
There are to many people who want a conversation but haven't sorted their lives out so as they can meet. Sorry. This isn't Mumsnet."
Well said. |
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By *mmmMaybeCouple
over a year ago
West Wales |
"I think most of us get tired of the constant messaging on line. We tend to try to set a date to meet, even for a social, quite quickly.
We're not interested in messaging to and fro for a few months with the possibility of a meet that probably won't happen.
There are to many people who want a conversation but haven't sorted their lives out so as they can meet. Sorry. This isn't Mumsnet."
Agreed, but if you know you want to meet whether for a social or otherwise you don't need to talk every five mins about the weather or your new shoes..We have someone we'd like to meet but our work calendars this side of Xmas don't tie up.. So it's after Xmas, no firm date, we don't talk, occasionally message, more often on the forums, nearer the time we'll make sure we all feel the same and if so meet..we don't do message ping pong very well either.
S
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Its normal here. A lot mail loads of people and just move to the next profile . "
We've been on the receiving end of that sort of thing before and it's still not something we know to handle effectively.
It's a vicious circle, as we tend to play it cool when anybody sends us an enthusiastic message as we've been lead around before. But then we probably come across as disinterested. |
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