FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Dating... well kinda... i think..
Dating... well kinda... i think..
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
Im new to this whole thing really
Im into him, he is into me..
We met on a site for large girls so im fine with that..
Been chatting all the time since Mid September..
Met up a few times.. got 2 more dates lined up..
Am i single? Is it a conversation people actually have? Id feel stupid to ask him.. but gutted if he is dating others...
Friends are asking me whats the situation and im not sure how to answer.. worried if i ask him and he gets freaked out by it.. meh
Anyways hope your all having a lovely evening. |
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By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago
in the suffolk countryside |
just have the "how do you feel about exclusivity?" talk op...then hell answer than youll know but haven't created any 'situation'..im surprised it hasn't come up. i hope you hear, what you want to hear xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Some men might freak out if asked but if you feel the need to have the conversation then you should.
Just gently ask how he sees the relationship.
"
Whilst you have his balls in a tight grip... |
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"Some men might freak out if asked but if you feel the need to have the conversation then you should.
Just gently ask how he sees the relationship.
Whilst you have his balls in a tight grip..."
No! I've discovered that one leads to favourable reply followed by a rapid disappearance.
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I would say your single but kinda seeing someone.
If you want to be in a proper relationship with him then ask him if he does too. Until one of you asks then your still single and free to date who you want.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Some men might freak out if asked but if you feel the need to have the conversation then you should.
Just gently ask how he sees the relationship.
Whilst you have his balls in a tight grip...
No! I've discovered that one leads to favourable reply followed by a rapid disappearance.
"
I was coming back... I just get confused in London easily... if it's any consolation I have been wandering around the m25 for 3 weeks now...
C&S.... just tell him how YOU feel; how do you feel by the way? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
cheers ladies.. and pauly.
im excited by it all. the 1st date we met in a car park.. (no it wasnt dogging lol).. he took me up on Dartmoor.. we star gazed saw the Milky way.. had a camp fire, hot chocolate.. lil pinic.. he had blankets and cushions..
was actually really different for me (im a pub girl)
i wanted to rip his clothes off, not that he knew that.. but enjoyed that he made no effort to sleep with me
i must be getting old lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ain't real till its on facebook!  "
I wish Facebook had the 'it's none of your fucking business you nosey fuckers' option on the relationship status as it's what I would choose!!
Mrs SnT  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"cheers ladies.. and pauly.
im excited by it all. the 1st date we met in a car park.. (no it wasnt dogging lol).. he took me up on Dartmoor.. we star gazed saw the Milky way.. had a camp fire, hot chocolate.. lil pinic.. he had blankets and cushions..
was actually really different for me (im a pub girl)
i wanted to rip his clothes off, not that he knew that.. but enjoyed that he made no effort to sleep with me
i must be getting old lol"
That's too cute!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"cheers ladies.. and pauly.
im excited by it all. the 1st date we met in a car park.. (no it wasnt dogging lol).. he took me up on Dartmoor.. we star gazed saw the Milky way.. had a camp fire, hot chocolate.. lil pinic.. he had blankets and cushions..
was actually really different for me (im a pub girl)
i wanted to rip his clothes off, not that he knew that.. but enjoyed that he made no effort to sleep with me
i must be getting old lol"
Aww that's so cute and nice xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"cheers ladies.. and pauly.
im excited by it all. the 1st date we met in a car park.. (no it wasnt dogging lol).. he took me up on Dartmoor.. we star gazed saw the Milky way.. had a camp fire, hot chocolate.. lil pinic.. he had blankets and cushions..
was actually really different for me (im a pub girl)
i wanted to rip his clothes off, not that he knew that.. but enjoyed that he made no effort to sleep with me
i must be getting old lol"
Awwww that's so lovely! Enjoy it  xx |
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"cheers ladies.. and pauly.
im excited by it all. the 1st date we met in a car park.. (no it wasnt dogging lol).. he took me up on Dartmoor.. we star gazed saw the Milky way.. had a camp fire, hot chocolate.. lil pinic.. he had blankets and cushions..
was actually really different for me (im a pub girl)
i wanted to rip his clothes off, not that he knew that.. but enjoyed that he made no effort to sleep with me
i must be getting old lol"
Oh man, I'm a 47 year old straight male and even I think he is cute now.
Hope it works out for you, looks like he may have a good one too. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I've been seeing someone for 9 months from here. Great friends. Chat most days. Meet up every month. Are we a couple. Nope "
im fortunate enough to know casual encounters arent his thing.. we spoke about potential end goals right at the start so we are both looking for long term..
its massively early days obviously but im unsure if he is dating others. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You're single."
Dear admin... it has now been 5 months since I requested both a black cloud emoji and an old lady with zimmer cocking her leg over a lit firework emoji... I would like you to reconsider...
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"cheers ladies.. and pauly.
im excited by it all. the 1st date we met in a car park.. (no it wasnt dogging lol).. he took me up on Dartmoor.. we star gazed saw the Milky way.. had a camp fire, hot chocolate.. lil pinic.. he had blankets and cushions..
was actually really different for me (im a pub girl)
i wanted to rip his clothes off, not that he knew that.. but enjoyed that he made no effort to sleep with me
i must be getting old lol"
You sure he's not fab straight? |
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"You're single.
Dear admin... it has now been 5 months since I requested both a black cloud emoji and an old lady with zimmer cocking her leg over a lit firework emoji... I would like you to reconsider...
"
What kind of firework ? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"You're single.
Dear admin... it has now been 5 months since I requested both a black cloud emoji and an old lady with zimmer cocking her leg over a lit firework emoji... I would like you to reconsider...
What kind of firework ?"
Catherine wheel of course...  |
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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago
Northampton Somewhere |
"cheers ladies.. and pauly.
im excited by it all. the 1st date we met in a car park.. (no it wasnt dogging lol).. he took me up on Dartmoor.. we star gazed saw the Milky way.. had a camp fire, hot chocolate.. lil pinic.. he had blankets and cushions..
was actually really different for me (im a pub girl)
i wanted to rip his clothes off, not that he knew that.. but enjoyed that he made no effort to sleep with me
i must be getting old lol"
That is really, really lovely. I'm no good with this stuff but I would say leave it for a bit as you say you've been chatting since only mid September. That's not really very long in the grand scheme of things. Hope it works out for you, he sounds like he could be a keeper |
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By *oddyWoman
over a year ago
between havant and chichester |
"Ain't real till its on facebook!
I wish Facebook had the 'it's none of your fucking business you nosey fuckers' option on the relationship status as it's what I would choose!!
Mrs SnT "
There is one ive used on mine |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"cheers ladies.. and pauly.
im excited by it all. the 1st date we met in a car park.. (no it wasnt dogging lol).. he took me up on Dartmoor.. we star gazed saw the Milky way.. had a camp fire, hot chocolate.. lil pinic.. he had blankets and cushions..
was actually really different for me (im a pub girl)
i wanted to rip his clothes off, not that he knew that.. but enjoyed that he made no effort to sleep with me
i must be getting old lol
That is really, really lovely. I'm no good with this stuff but I would say leave it for a bit as you say you've been chatting since only mid September. That's not really very long in the grand scheme of things. Hope it works out for you, he sounds like he could be a keeper "
yeah i appriciate its not long.. think i will give it a few weeks and maybe the conversation will never need to take place. it will either just carry on (hopefully) or fizzle out |
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"the variation on responses is great.. i feel slightly less stupid about being confused by it all.. "
Try not to overthink it and remember the lessons from your past: don't rush things. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W_fwUmvpAuk
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"I would say go with the flow....I think I rushed everything with my last relationship but to honest he was the one that wanted to see me everyday and would text non stop "
But 8 weeks on he is in another relationship... so says it all really |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I would say go with the flow....I think I rushed everything with my last relationship but to honest he was the one that wanted to see me everyday and would text non stop "
see i feel the majority of communications are coming from him.. he is keen.
i screwed stuff up in the past when it comes to men and how much attention is just right.
im crap at reading folk |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think seeing each other is probably the best term. If you're happy then don't worry too much about labels just know that you are happy in his company and he is happy in yours. Take your time, get to know him and enjoy the uncomplicated happiness of a new relationship. Lovely news by the way |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I would say your still at the getting to know stage what colour are his eyes
the most gorgeous bright blue..  Cutes in love awwwww "
lol god no..
last guy i said those words too is now married. |
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"I would say go with the flow....I think I rushed everything with my last relationship but to honest he was the one that wanted to see me everyday and would text non stop
But 8 weeks on he is in another relationship... so says it all really "
Some like the intensity... but for a short time. My ex does that with people as his thing is the thrill of getting people hooked and once they are then he's ready for the next conquest. Although he doesn't see it like that but the pattern is clear when you see it happen more then five times.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Definitely do NOT ask him. 100%!
How do people establish when the exclusive boundary sets in then?
"
Mars and Venus come to mind whenever I see or hear this type of conversation.
If a guy wants exclusivity then he won't be able to hide that over a period of time, no matter how good a player he is. More importantly if he hasn't quite decided one way or the other yet then asking him only introduces pressure, for some slight for others lots. The chances are he will initially tell you what you want to hear but in the longer run you risk losing out.
Patients is your strongest card and your closest friend. If he's going to keep making the kind of effort he did on your first date then he's (probably) not messing around.
If you're enjoying it why throw a spanner in. Trust me, if he wants you, he'll let it slip.
Don't play him, just be patient. |
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When I met my husband we'd only had two dates before he had to disappear for work for a couple of weeks.
I asked him then if he wanted me to wait for him to come back? He did - so I then said he wasn't allowed to shag any goats (or women) while he was away either then (there were a lot of goats where he went!).
And we've been married over a decade now.
It's easier when you ask them if they want you to only see them, rather than say "are we in a relationship or exlclusive now".
If they are happy with you seeing other people then you know they are too.
If they want you to stay only seeing them, that's the point where you say "likewise" - maybe we shouldn't see other people.
Good luck OP. Maybe leave it a date or two more if you're unsure? But that's how I'd nring it up. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I am crap at reading people too, have almost pulled my cock out of a woman's mouth to ask her if she fancies me, on more than one occasion.
But I am on my second very happy marriage, this one it was 12 months of increasing frequency dates before I asked her to move in on a 3 month trial, proposed at the end of that trial, still not yet asked her if we are dating... |
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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago
Northampton Somewhere |
"You've got two dates planned already. I'd say that's a relationship.
Ask him what he's doing for Christmas. If he's thinking that far ahead you have your answer. "
Is the last bit a joke? I would think a man would run a mile if he was asked that so early on  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"You've got two dates planned already. I'd say that's a relationship.
Ask him what he's doing for Christmas. If he's thinking that far ahead you have your answer. "
Noooo! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Definitely do NOT ask him. 100%!
How do people establish when the exclusive boundary sets in then?
Mars and Venus come to mind whenever I see or hear this type of conversation.
If a guy wants exclusivity then he won't be able to hide that over a period of time, no matter how good a player he is. More importantly if he hasn't quite decided one way or the other yet then asking him only introduces pressure, for some slight for others lots. The chances are he will initially tell you what you want to hear but in the longer run you risk losing out.
Patients is your strongest card and your closest friend. If he's going to keep making the kind of effort he did on your first date then he's (probably) not messing around.
If you're enjoying it why throw a spanner in. Trust me, if he wants you, he'll let it slip.
Don't play him, just be patient."
wow thanks.. good to have a mans point of view x |
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"Definitely do NOT ask him. 100%!
How do people establish when the exclusive boundary sets in then?
Mars and Venus come to mind whenever I see or hear this type of conversation.
If a guy wants exclusivity then he won't be able to hide that over a period of time, no matter how good a player he is. More importantly if he hasn't quite decided one way or the other yet then asking him only introduces pressure, for some slight for others lots. The chances are he will initially tell you what you want to hear but in the longer run you risk losing out.
Patients is your strongest card and your closest friend. If he's going to keep making the kind of effort he did on your first date then he's (probably) not messing around.
If you're enjoying it why throw a spanner in. Trust me, if he wants you, he'll let it slip.
Don't play him, just be patient."
But equally it's gutting if you've been exclusive with the intentions of a relationship for weeks/months of patient waiting only to find out he's shagged everyone and anyone else daily in between seeing you.
It's a tricky judgement call to make - but how long do you wait for? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I am crap at reading people too, have almost pulled my cock out of a woman's mouth to ask her if she fancies me, on more than one occasion.
But I am on my second very happy marriage, this one it was 12 months of increasing frequency dates before I asked her to move in on a 3 month trial, proposed at the end of that trial, still not yet asked her if we are dating..."
Oh and we just did our 10th wedding anniversary. |
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"I would say go with the flow....I think I rushed everything with my last relationship but to honest he was the one that wanted to see me everyday and would text non stop
But 8 weeks on he is in another relationship... so says it all really
Some like the intensity... but for a short time. My ex does that with people as his thing is the thrill of getting people hooked and once they are then he's ready for the next conquest. Although he doesn't see it like that but the pattern is clear when you see it happen more then five times. "
Should of seen it coming really as that what he is like jumps from relationship to relationship I pity the next one |
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"You've got two dates planned already. I'd say that's a relationship.
Ask him what he's doing for Christmas. If he's thinking that far ahead you have your answer.
Noooo!"
What you doing for Christmas dear? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I'm not the best guy to comment as I don't really do relationships very well at all...it's not my thing.
But fuck me...don't ask him.
I know that much. "
lol cheers my dear! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I am crap at reading people too, have almost pulled my cock out of a woman's mouth to ask her if she fancies me, on more than one occasion.
But I am on my second very happy marriage, this one it was 12 months of increasing frequency dates before I asked her to move in on a 3 month trial, proposed at the end of that trial, still not yet asked her if we are dating...
Oh and we just did our 10th wedding anniversary."
awww congrats x |
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"I am crap at reading people too, have almost pulled my cock out of a woman's mouth to ask her if she fancies me, on more than one occasion.
But I am on my second very happy marriage, this one it was 12 months of increasing frequency dates before I asked her to move in on a 3 month trial, proposed at the end of that trial, still not yet asked her if we are dating...
Oh and we just did our 10th wedding anniversary.
awww congrats x "
It's his lemon meringue pie.
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I am crap at reading people too, have almost pulled my cock out of a woman's mouth to ask her if she fancies me, on more than one occasion.
But I am on my second very happy marriage, this one it was 12 months of increasing frequency dates before I asked her to move in on a 3 month trial, proposed at the end of that trial, still not yet asked her if we are dating...
Oh and we just did our 10th wedding anniversary.
awww congrats x
It's his lemon meringue pie.
"
My cooking in general, but yes my Lemon Meringue pie is the best.
Go with the flow Cute, I wish you all the best and hope it works out great for you, |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Definitely do NOT ask him. 100%!
How do people establish when the exclusive boundary sets in then?
Mars and Venus come to mind whenever I see or hear this type of conversation.
If a guy wants exclusivity then he won't be able to hide that over a period of time, no matter how good a player he is. More importantly if he hasn't quite decided one way or the other yet then asking him only introduces pressure, for some slight for others lots. The chances are he will initially tell you what you want to hear but in the longer run you risk losing out.
Patients is your strongest card and your closest friend. If he's going to keep making the kind of effort he did on your first date then he's (probably) not messing around.
If you're enjoying it why throw a spanner in. Trust me, if he wants you, he'll let it slip.
Don't play him, just be patient.
But equally it's gutting if you've been exclusive with the intentions of a relationship for weeks/months of patient waiting only to find out he's shagged everyone and anyone else daily in between seeing you.
It's a tricky judgement call to make - but how long do you wait for?"
Being patient for exclusivity has nothing to do with being naive. Deeds are what matter not words. If a man is making a sustained effort he will not be able to (over a period of time) hide his desire for exclusivity.
It really isn't a tricky judgement call.
If it's not happening quickly enough for you then he's maybe not right for you anyway.
But.....if you believe that he is right for you, then isn't he worth the wait? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"You've got two dates planned already. I'd say that's a relationship.
Ask him what he's doing for Christmas. If he's thinking that far ahead you have your answer.
Noooo!
What you doing for Christmas dear? "
I'll be doing some stuffing this Christmas!
I'm the Cook this year. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"You've got two dates planned already. I'd say that's a relationship.
Ask him what he's doing for Christmas. If he's thinking that far ahead you have your answer.
Noooo!
What you doing for Christmas dear?
I'll be doing some stuffing this Christmas!
I'm the Cook this year."
If you have beef, no stuffing is needed! |
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"
Don't play him, just be patient.
But equally it's gutting if you've been exclusive with the intentions of a relationship for weeks/months of patient waiting only to find out he's shagged everyone and anyone else daily in between seeing you.
It's a tricky judgement call to make - but how long do you wait for?
Being patient for exclusivity has nothing to do with being naive. Deeds are what matter not words. If a man is making a sustained effort he will not be able to (over a period of time) hide his desire for exclusivity.
It really isn't a tricky judgement call.
If it's not happening quickly enough for you then he's maybe not right for you anyway.
But.....if you believe that he is right for you, then isn't he worth the wait?"
I,and others I know, have had "relationships" with men who have made all behavioural indications that they want to be with me/them, want exclusivity, spend so much time with me/that that it seemed impossible for them to possibly fit in seeing others and yet they have. They wanted exclusivity from me/those I know but didn't want to be held to the same standard.
Absolutely the wrong people for me/them but I/they fell for the behaviour that indicated they wanted more. I feel I should have had the conversation with them.
|
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Really glad for you sweetie but if you wanna open a conversation about it, just ask if he sees things as exclusive or not? xx"
thank you.. think im going to see how the next 2 dates go.. x x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I would say go with the flow....I think I rushed everything with my last relationship but to honest he was the one that wanted to see me everyday and would text non stop
But 8 weeks on he is in another relationship... so says it all really
Some like the intensity... but for a short time. My ex does that with people as his thing is the thrill of getting people hooked and once they are then he's ready for the next conquest. Although he doesn't see it like that but the pattern is clear when you see it happen more then five times.
Should of seen it coming really as that what he is like jumps from relationship to relationship I pity the next one "
Mine was the same. 18 months together and the day he was due to move in, he left me and a month later was with someone else from down the road!
Little sheeeeeeeeeet |
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By *idan31Man
over a year ago
ashby |
I agree with the go with the flow answer.. for me, it's all about the butterfly affect in the tummy... if you have that feeling about him, then lucky you and you do what feels right.
What an awesome first date you had and very original...
If he feels the same way (butterly affect) he probably won't be seeing or chatting to other girls.
sit back and relax, if it's going to happen, it will...
|
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"I agree with the go with the flow answer.. for me, it's all about the butterfly affect in the tummy... if you have that feeling about him, then lucky you and you do what feels right.
What an awesome first date you had and very original...
If he feels the same way (butterly affect) he probably won't be seeing or chatting to other girls.
sit back and relax, if it's going to happen, it will...
"
It was I'm slightly envious of her first date... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
Don't play him, just be patient.
But equally it's gutting if you've been exclusive with the intentions of a relationship for weeks/months of patient waiting only to find out he's shagged everyone and anyone else daily in between seeing you.
It's a tricky judgement call to make - but how long do you wait for?
Being patient for exclusivity has nothing to do with being naive. Deeds are what matter not words. If a man is making a sustained effort he will not be able to (over a period of time) hide his desire for exclusivity.
It really isn't a tricky judgement call.
If it's not happening quickly enough for you then he's maybe not right for you anyway.
But.....if you believe that he is right for you, then isn't he worth the wait?
I,and others I know, have had "relationships" with men who have made all behavioural indications that they want to be with me/them, want exclusivity, spend so much time with me/that that it seemed impossible for them to possibly fit in seeing others and yet they have. They wanted exclusivity from me/those I know but didn't want to be held to the same standard.
Absolutely the wrong people for me/them but I/they fell for the behaviour that indicated they wanted more. I feel I should have had the conversation with them.
"
I completely understand that dilemma but my simple question is this, what would having 'the conversation' have achieved?
If he's playing you then he's simply going to tell you what you want to hear.
A player doesn't feel pressure, a guy who's genuinely considering whether he may have met his dream women does.
I've been at both ends of this as the guy. When I was younger I wasn't always a saint! |
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"
Don't play him, just be patient.
But equally it's gutting if you've been exclusive with the intentions of a relationship for weeks/months of patient waiting only to find out he's shagged everyone and anyone else daily in between seeing you.
It's a tricky judgement call to make - but how long do you wait for?
Being patient for exclusivity has nothing to do with being naive. Deeds are what matter not words. If a man is making a sustained effort he will not be able to (over a period of time) hide his desire for exclusivity.
It really isn't a tricky judgement call.
If it's not happening quickly enough for you then he's maybe not right for you anyway.
But.....if you believe that he is right for you, then isn't he worth the wait?
I,and others I know, have had "relationships" with men who have made all behavioural indications that they want to be with me/them, want exclusivity, spend so much time with me/that that it seemed impossible for them to possibly fit in seeing others and yet they have. They wanted exclusivity from me/those I know but didn't want to be held to the same standard.
Absolutely the wrong people for me/them but I/they fell for the behaviour that indicated they wanted more. I feel I should have had the conversation with them.
I completely understand that dilemma but my simple question is this, what would having 'the conversation' have achieved?
If he's playing you then he's simply going to tell you what you want to hear.
A player doesn't feel pressure, a guy who's genuinely considering whether he may have met his dream women does.
I've been at both ends of this as the guy. When I was younger I wasn't always a saint! "
The one thing it does achieve is that you do get the right to be upset/angry when you find out they've been seeing others. Without the chat you get the "I never said *I* would be exclusive so I don't know what you're angry about" response. Yes, that has happened.
|
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"
Don't play him, just be patient.
But equally it's gutting if you've been exclusive with the intentions of a relationship for weeks/months of patient waiting only to find out he's shagged everyone and anyone else daily in between seeing you.
It's a tricky judgement call to make - but how long do you wait for?
Being patient for exclusivity has nothing to do with being naive. Deeds are what matter not words. If a man is making a sustained effort he will not be able to (over a period of time) hide his desire for exclusivity.
It really isn't a tricky judgement call.
If it's not happening quickly enough for you then he's maybe not right for you anyway.
But.....if you believe that he is right for you, then isn't he worth the wait?
I,and others I know, have had "relationships" with men who have made all behavioural indications that they want to be with me/them, want exclusivity, spend so much time with me/that that it seemed impossible for them to possibly fit in seeing others and yet they have. They wanted exclusivity from me/those I know but didn't want to be held to the same standard.
Absolutely the wrong people for me/them but I/they fell for the behaviour that indicated they wanted more. I feel I should have had the conversation with them.
I completely understand that dilemma but my simple question is this, what would having 'the conversation' have achieved?
If he's playing you then he's simply going to tell you what you want to hear.
A player doesn't feel pressure, a guy who's genuinely considering whether he may have met his dream women does.
I've been at both ends of this as the guy. When I was younger I wasn't always a saint!
The one thing it does achieve is that you do get the right to be upset/angry when you find out they've been seeing others. Without the chat you get the "I never said *I* would be exclusive so I don't know what you're angry about" response. Yes, that has happened.
"
Or you get accused of shit that you haven't done like look at a bloke like you want to shag him.... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"You've got two dates planned already. I'd say that's a relationship.
Ask him what he's doing for Christmas. If he's thinking that far ahead you have your answer.
Noooo!
What you doing for Christmas dear?
I'll be doing some stuffing this Christmas!
I'm the Cook this year.
If you have beef, no stuffing is needed! "
Very true.....but there will be stuffing! |
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"
I,and others I know, have had "relationships" with men who have made all behavioural indications that they want to be with me/them, want exclusivity, spend so much time with me/that that it seemed impossible for them to possibly fit in seeing others and yet they have. They wanted exclusivity from me/those I know but didn't want to be held to the same standard.
Absolutely the wrong people for me/them but I/they fell for the behaviour that indicated they wanted more. I feel I should have had the conversation with them.
I completely understand that dilemma but my simple question is this, what would having 'the conversation' have achieved?
If he's playing you then he's simply going to tell you what you want to hear.
A player doesn't feel pressure, a guy who's genuinely considering whether he may have met his dream women does.
I've been at both ends of this as the guy. When I was younger I wasn't always a saint!
The one thing it does achieve is that you do get the right to be upset/angry when you find out they've been seeing others. Without the chat you get the "I never said *I* would be exclusive so I don't know what you're angry about" response. Yes, that has happened.
Or you get accused of shit that you haven't done like look at a bloke like you want to shag him.... "
Yep, that too.
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
Don't play him, just be patient.
But equally it's gutting if you've been exclusive with the intentions of a relationship for weeks/months of patient waiting only to find out he's shagged everyone and anyone else daily in between seeing you.
It's a tricky judgement call to make - but how long do you wait for?
Being patient for exclusivity has nothing to do with being naive. Deeds are what matter not words. If a man is making a sustained effort he will not be able to (over a period of time) hide his desire for exclusivity.
It really isn't a tricky judgement call.
If it's not happening quickly enough for you then he's maybe not right for you anyway.
But.....if you believe that he is right for you, then isn't he worth the wait?
I,and others I know, have had "relationships" with men who have made all behavioural indications that they want to be with me/them, want exclusivity, spend so much time with me/that that it seemed impossible for them to possibly fit in seeing others and yet they have. They wanted exclusivity from me/those I know but didn't want to be held to the same standard.
Absolutely the wrong people for me/them but I/they fell for the behaviour that indicated they wanted more. I feel I should have had the conversation with them.
I completely understand that dilemma but my simple question is this, what would having 'the conversation' have achieved?
If he's playing you then he's simply going to tell you what you want to hear.
A player doesn't feel pressure, a guy who's genuinely considering whether he may have met his dream women does.
I've been at both ends of this as the guy. When I was younger I wasn't always a saint!
The one thing it does achieve is that you do get the right to be upset/angry when you find out they've been seeing others. Without the chat you get the "I never said *I* would be exclusive so I don't know what you're angry about" response. Yes, that has happened.
"
That's very true but if the motive behind 'having the conversation' is to set up your side of an argument when it goes bad, then the chances are it's going to go bad.
I completely understand where you're coming from but I can only tell you how it is from a guys perspective. It's the same for every guy I know and have ever discussed this kind of thing with.
Introducing pressure too early gives most relationships the slow death. Don't get me wrong, you may hit lucky, but it's a long shot. |
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"
Don't play him, just be patient.
But equally it's gutting if you've been exclusive with the intentions of a relationship for weeks/months of patient waiting only to find out he's shagged everyone and anyone else daily in between seeing you.
It's a tricky judgement call to make - but how long do you wait for?
Being patient for exclusivity has nothing to do with being naive. Deeds are what matter not words. If a man is making a sustained effort he will not be able to (over a period of time) hide his desire for exclusivity.
It really isn't a tricky judgement call.
If it's not happening quickly enough for you then he's maybe not right for you anyway.
But.....if you believe that he is right for you, then isn't he worth the wait?
I,and others I know, have had "relationships" with men who have made all behavioural indications that they want to be with me/them, want exclusivity, spend so much time with me/that that it seemed impossible for them to possibly fit in seeing others and yet they have. They wanted exclusivity from me/those I know but didn't want to be held to the same standard.
Absolutely the wrong people for me/them but I/they fell for the behaviour that indicated they wanted more. I feel I should have had the conversation with them.
I completely understand that dilemma but my simple question is this, what would having 'the conversation' have achieved?
If he's playing you then he's simply going to tell you what you want to hear.
A player doesn't feel pressure, a guy who's genuinely considering whether he may have met his dream women does.
I've been at both ends of this as the guy. When I was younger I wasn't always a saint!
The one thing it does achieve is that you do get the right to be upset/angry when you find out they've been seeing others. Without the chat you get the "I never said *I* would be exclusive so I don't know what you're angry about" response. Yes, that has happened.
That's very true but if the motive behind 'having the conversation' is to set up your side of an argument when it goes bad, then the chances are it's going to go bad.
I completely understand where you're coming from but I can only tell you how it is from a guys perspective. It's the same for every guy I know and have ever discussed this kind of thing with.
Introducing pressure too early gives most relationships the slow death. Don't get me wrong, you may hit lucky, but it's a long shot. "
I totally agree with you in terms of the pressure thing but when are mixed signals and things are being said that make you believe that you are in a relationship it becomes difficult not to think that you are... |
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"Ain't real till its on facebook! "
Tell that to my boyfriend! Been together over a year and his Facebook still says single! My relationship status is hidden...
OP.. all the movies say "are you seeing anybody else?" Or some shit like that, but I don't know  I really hope you get the answer you're looking for though. All the best |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
Or you get accused of shit that you haven't done like look at a bloke like you want to shag him....
Yep, that too.
"
I want to be clear on this before responding, do you mean that after you find out he's seeing someone else that he blames you for earlier showing interest in other men? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
Don't play him, just be patient.
But equally it's gutting if you've been exclusive with the intentions of a relationship for weeks/months of patient waiting only to find out he's shagged everyone and anyone else daily in between seeing you.
It's a tricky judgement call to make - but how long do you wait for?
Being patient for exclusivity has nothing to do with being naive. Deeds are what matter not words. If a man is making a sustained effort he will not be able to (over a period of time) hide his desire for exclusivity.
It really isn't a tricky judgement call.
If it's not happening quickly enough for you then he's maybe not right for you anyway.
But.....if you believe that he is right for you, then isn't he worth the wait?
I,and others I know, have had "relationships" with men who have made all behavioural indications that they want to be with me/them, want exclusivity, spend so much time with me/that that it seemed impossible for them to possibly fit in seeing others and yet they have. They wanted exclusivity from me/those I know but didn't want to be held to the same standard.
Absolutely the wrong people for me/them but I/they fell for the behaviour that indicated they wanted more. I feel I should have had the conversation with them.
I completely understand that dilemma but my simple question is this, what would having 'the conversation' have achieved?
If he's playing you then he's simply going to tell you what you want to hear.
A player doesn't feel pressure, a guy who's genuinely considering whether he may have met his dream women does.
I've been at both ends of this as the guy. When I was younger I wasn't always a saint!
The one thing it does achieve is that you do get the right to be upset/angry when you find out they've been seeing others. Without the chat you get the "I never said *I* would be exclusive so I don't know what you're angry about" response. Yes, that has happened.
That's very true but if the motive behind 'having the conversation' is to set up your side of an argument when it goes bad, then the chances are it's going to go bad.
I completely understand where you're coming from but I can only tell you how it is from a guys perspective. It's the same for every guy I know and have ever discussed this kind of thing with.
Introducing pressure too early gives most relationships the slow death. Don't get me wrong, you may hit lucky, but it's a long shot.
I totally agree with you in terms of the pressure thing but when are mixed signals and things are being said that make you believe that you are in a relationship it becomes difficult not to think that you are..."
Mixed messages are exactly that, mixed. If he's giving you mixed messages then that means one of two things. He either hasn't decided yet or that he's doing it on purpose and playing you.
If you 'have the conversation' and he's playing you, then he'll just tell you what you want to hear. If he's yet to decide then you're introducing pressure.
If I had more time then I'd discuss the signals you should really be looking for because so many women seem to read too much into the wrong ones.
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"If I had more time then I'd discuss the signals you should really be looking for because so many women seem to read too much into the wrong ones.
"
Maybe not tonight, but when you have more time you should start a thread on this (or come back on this one) because you have talked a lot of sense on this one tonight. Imo.
Mr ddc |
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"
Mixed messages are exactly that, mixed. If he's giving you mixed messages then that means one of two things. He either hasn't decided yet or that he's doing it on purpose and playing you.
If you 'have the conversation' and he's playing you, then he'll just tell you what you want to hear. If he's yet to decide then you're introducing pressure.
If I had more time then I'd discuss the signals you should really be looking for because so many women seem to read too much into the wrong ones.
"
I'll be fascinated to hear lol! I'm glad I never really did the dating thing - we decided we liked someone (usually someone we knew), the eyes met, the lips locked, we fell into bed, and we started a relationship! No need for guessing games or mind fucks....
I dunno, whatever happened to asking a straight question and getting a straight answer, that's what I always did!!? Asking for clarity is perfectly reasonable, and should not be perceived as pressure. But back in my day we were all exclusive from the start, it sent without saying I guess. I'm glad I grew up when I did all in all!! |
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"Im new to this whole thing really
Im into him, he is into me..
We met on a site for large girls so im fine with that..
Been chatting all the time since Mid September..
Met up a few times.. got 2 more dates lined up..
Am i single? Is it a conversation people actually have? Id feel stupid to ask him.. but gutted if he is dating others...
Friends are asking me whats the situation and im not sure how to answer.. worried if i ask him and he gets freaked out by it.. meh
Anyways hope your all having a lovely evening. "
You're seeing someone. Enjoy it! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
talk..or ask rather slip it into conversation..be gentle about broaching it..It's a litmus test in it's self seeing how he reacts to the question.
I'm not surprised you'd be a little nervous though..It's a 'step' I guess and nobody wants the wrong answer.
I hope he's lovely though and he hangs about for you both, he'd be silly not to let's be fair
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Chill love. Enjoy the ride instead of giving what you have a name or definition.
And what is this big girl dating site you speak of? "
its called 'feebie'..
i left after about 4 days being on there as its more a fetish site where blokes wanted to shove cake down my neck... and that really isnt my thing.
guess i just hit lucky with coming across this guy, he is local and i could visually see from who he 'followed' what kinda women size wise he was attracted too.
its always been my biggest insecurity and meeting on that site has lifted to pressure.
we talked about what we were looking for early on in messages so lines werent going to get crossed |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"If I had more time then I'd discuss the signals you should really be looking for because so many women seem to read too much into the wrong ones.
Maybe not tonight, but when you have more time you should start a thread on this (or come back on this one) because you have talked a lot of sense on this one tonight. Imo.
Mr ddc"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"cheers ladies.. and pauly.
im excited by it all. the 1st date we met in a car park.. (no it wasnt dogging lol).. he took me up on Dartmoor.. we star gazed saw the Milky way.. had a camp fire, hot chocolate.. lil pinic.. he had blankets and cushions..
was actually really different for me (im a pub girl)
i wanted to rip his clothes off, not that he knew that.. but enjoyed that he made no effort to sleep with me
i must be getting old lol"
That makes two of us then.
Sounds great |
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"What website
feabie
its a fetish site and i realised early on it wasnt for me so i left. "
I had a look and I couldn't join something which promotes such unhealthy practice so I don't blame you for leaving! |
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By *ltimamanMan
over a year ago
Newcastle Upon Tyne |
"
Am i single? Is it a conversation people actually have? Id feel stupid to ask him.. but gutted if he is dating others...
Friends are asking me whats the situation and im not sure how to answer.. worried if i ask him and he gets freaked out by it.. meh
"
My two penneth-
Tell friends at the mo. you're just seeing someone, and seeing how it goes.
Tell yourself the same!
IMO Questioning, analysing, & wanting to label a relationship, especially at this early stage, is like picking at a thread on a garment; keep at it and the whole thing falls apart at the seams.
Enjoy it for what it means to you now, & see how it goes.
Like Blackspice mentioned above there are signs and tells that you'll learn more from than the answer to the question itself anyway.
Good luck |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"
Am i single? Is it a conversation people actually have? Id feel stupid to ask him.. but gutted if he is dating others...
Friends are asking me whats the situation and im not sure how to answer.. worried if i ask him and he gets freaked out by it.. meh
My two penneth-
Tell friends at the mo. you're just seeing someone, and seeing how it goes.
Tell yourself the same!
IMO Questioning, analysing, & wanting to label a relationship, especially at this early stage, is like picking at a thread on a garment; keep at it and the whole thing falls apart at the seams.
Enjoy it for what it means to you now, & see how it goes.
Like Blackspice mentioned above there are signs and tells that you'll learn more from than the answer to the question itself anyway.
Good luck"
i have just said 'im seeing someone'..
just dont wanna screw stuff up. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Live in the moment, enjoy your time together, that's all that matters
I know from experience that's what men tend to do in a relationship, they don't think about how it's going to go, just how it feels to them now.
Start talking about what you want or how it's going to go can scare them off, even if it's what they want too.
Some exceptions to this obviously, but if he's the exception he'll bring it up himself |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Is there a reason why you need the definition or label attached? Can you not just let it develop organically? Sometimes the very effort of pinning something down causes it to disappear. I'd have a chat about exclusivity but beyond that just see how it goes.
I realise that your friends wish you well but what's happening between you and this guy is your business, them buzzing about and digging for details and definitions only muddies the waters |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Is there a reason why you need the definition or label attached? Can you not just let it develop organically? Sometimes the very effort of pinning something down causes it to disappear. I'd have a chat about exclusivity but beyond that just see how it goes.
I realise that your friends wish you well but what's happening between you and this guy is your business, them buzzing about and digging for details and definitions only muddies the waters"
its no so much the actual label guess im just curious what the score is..
im not looking for other gents to 'date'.. just curious if he is keeping options open.
will give it a few more weeks and just try to read things better |
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I haven't "dated" for 30 years, so I'm not sure how relevant my opinion is, although I've had a lot of friends go through the same thing you are, so here goes.
Just enjoy what you have, and don't over-think it.
Time and again, I've seen people rush things, or over-complicate the situation by putting some form of "label" on it.
He sounds like a nice guy, you like him, he likes you, and it doesn't sound like there's a whole lot of pressure from him to make things physical yet, so that's a good sign.
I can understand you want to know where you stand with him, nothing worse than falling for someone only for them to walk away.... so (easier said than done) don't fall for him, just enjoy being his friend. |
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"Chill love. Enjoy the ride instead of giving what you have a name or definition.
And what is this big girl dating site you speak of?
its called 'feebie'..
i left after about 4 days being on there as its more a fetish site where blokes wanted to shove cake down my neck... and that really isnt my thing.
guess i just hit lucky with coming across this guy, he is local and i could visually see from who he 'followed' what kinda women size wise he was attracted too.
its always been my biggest insecurity and meeting on that site has lifted to pressure.
we talked about what we were looking for early on in messages so lines werent going to get crossed"
Aah the dreaded feeders...
Enjoy it, he sounds marvelous |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Cute, just a thought. If you met him on a fetish site for big women and youve discussed long term goals does he know about your weightloss plan"
yes absolutely.. its not going to happen over night though.
if it works out he'll probs enjoy that i can trek on Dartmoor etc with him.. becaue im fitter and healthier |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If I had more time then I'd discuss the signals you should really be looking for because so many women seem to read too much into the wrong ones.
Maybe not tonight, but when you have more time you should start a thread on this (or come back on this one) because you have talked a lot of sense on this one tonight. Imo.
Mr ddc"
In fairness to the Op and not wanting to derail her thread in any way it's probably best that I don't go into that now on this one but as you've suggested I will do a separate thread sometime about 'the signals'.
The game has changed dramatically in some ways but in others it has not. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"If I had more time then I'd discuss the signals you should really be looking for because so many women seem to read too much into the wrong ones.
Maybe not tonight, but when you have more time you should start a thread on this (or come back on this one) because you have talked a lot of sense on this one tonight. Imo.
Mr ddc
In fairness to the Op and not wanting to derail her thread in any way it's probably best that I don't go into that now on this one but as you've suggested I will do a separate thread sometime about 'the signals'.
The game has changed dramatically in some ways but in others it has not."
I dont mind, i like that threads go off tangent so to speak.. i enjoy reading your posts. Its only educational and gives a different view point. I like being open minded |
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