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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Right this may be a taboo subject; fuck knows, I am having quite a good day and I thought, “how can I fuck this up?” ; so…… La Petite Mort. The “little death”…. “Aw shit Paul, go balls deep, what’s the worst that can happen?” (social pariah, ridiculed; insulted, flamed, friends list emptying)
I crash after orgasm; not physically, mentally, and when I say crash, I mean CRASH; so much so that for many years and after a “few” meets on fab; I no longer seek to orgasm. Now what I must first say is that it is NEVER my partner at the times fault; I appear to have developed some kind of weird quasi-religious guilt associated with orgasm that causes me to feel almost bereft upon its achievement (I sound like such a catch right now!) However, I must add that I still do, and love to, meet, and I hope have many a mutually pleasurable experience with those that I do meet… (after this post, I have a feeling that “meeting” may be consigned to the past!)
There are times when I can orgasm; without this drop; usually when I know someone well, or when we have had many a conversation through the various channels. So I have dedicated my swinging life to enjoying the pleasure of others (sound like a twat now); I am not saying that I am some wondrous lover who is only concerned about their partners sexual gratification (because I assume that part of sexual gratification is the mutual achievement of sexual gratification….. does that make sense?) More that I enjoy an experience beyond just the physical…… (this is not going well)….
Right bollocks to all that, I tried to explain it without feeling like a numpty and failed. So….. I drop hard after orgasm; whether it’s the vulnerability angle or for some aforementioned quasi-religious/societal guilt. I have no idea, is this just me? Does anyone else get this? Can it be fixed without therapy? Am I too “involved” in the moment; and should I reserve a piece of my fracture mental stability to ensure that I don’t drop?
Ideas? Postcards? I shouldn’t have posted this right?
Aww bollock, who cares? ((If i put a smiley face at the end of this can I claim it was all a charade?))
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It sounds very similiar to what they call sub-drop, experienced by a submissive in a sub dom relationship, this is usually helped by alot of reassurance by the partner, closeness and care, and nice food also helps haha, just make sure you dont or they dont run off after, stay close, talk about it and maybe it wont be so bad |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"It sounds very similiar to what they call sub-drop, experienced by a submissive in a sub dom relationship, this is usually helped by alot of reassurance by the partner, closeness and care, and nice food also helps haha, just make sure you dont or they dont run off after, stay close, talk about it and maybe it wont be so bad"
So young; so wise! But absolutely; when I have described it to peeps they say the same thing... Now I have been swinging a "while"  and the level of intimacy that you describe (the reassurance etc.) can be a turn off; is it acceptable to ask for such reassurance from a swinging partner? I have a feeling it isn't (which probably only heightens the feeling). Should I put it on my profile? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Are the swinging partners part of a couple or single
Women, I think single women would be great with it, part of a couple probably not so much, but maybe the ideal thing for you would be a fwb who enjoys lots of intamacy, doesnt have to be a relationship to enjoy holding someone, lots of kissing and conversation, I enjoy all that side but dont fall in love with every woman I meet |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have that too OP, you're not alone. I don't cum with meets so get round it that way. I still have fun though.
Maybe save your orgasms for people you trust and you know you can 'wind down' with. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Are the swinging partners part of a couple or single
Women, I think single women would be great with it, part of a couple probably not so much, but maybe the ideal thing for you would be a fwb who enjoys lots of intamacy, doesnt have to be a relationship to enjoy holding someone, lots of kissing and conversation, I enjoy all that side but dont fall in love with every woman I meet"
I am pretty anti-love.... not in a stone cold way; I think I am a warm character.... just you know.... commitment issues lol... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have that too OP, you're not alone. I don't cum with meets so get round it that way. I still have fun though.
Maybe save your orgasms for people you trust and you know you can 'wind down' with. "
I didnt realise this was such a common thing, but if I met someone and she didnt cum id be the one feeling depressed! Lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's sounding like a combo of sub drop and something more psychological, like a fear of letting go generally. What's the worst that can happen if you do? With someone you really trusted I think you might be able to overcome it.
Did something trigger it? And can you go back and understand why? We are complex and our bodies do things that we don't every understand because of our sub conscience. |
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From a womans point of view, well mine.
Ive been around the block a few times and i like to think i was a pretty understanding person regarding varies situations
If i was meeting someone and they had the same issues as you id expect them to tell me andthen wr could come up with a plan to what is the best if/when it happens. Be that cuddles, food, let you sleep it off
If i like someone things dont tend to put me off where humans.
What puts me off is if sonething happens and i havent been prewarned.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You say:
There are times when I can orgasm; without this drop; usually when I know someone well, or when we have had many a conversation through the various channels.
What was different here, that meant you didn't drop? Safety? Trust? Knowing that there was care involved? A greater level of intimacy in knowing someone that makes the risk and reward worthwhile, or the ability to be vulnerable and therefore let someone in, which may prevent or address the drop.
I might venture a thought that it is more oft how we beat ourselves up that causes these drops, what are you seeking, how are you viewing yourself and do the meets (apart from the pleasure, and enjoyment you obviously do get from them without allowing yourself more) provide what you want, or is the dissonance and hence disappointment what you use to beat yourself up with after?
If you think you are throwaway then how do you think you are going to feel once thrown?
(just thoughts and potentially way off the mark, but my out loud thinking)
Compartmentalising is important. But so is a balance. Everyone needs someone (or some people) on their inside -- so I wonder if making sure you have some of those people alongside the fun adventures might allow you to get your kicks in both ways. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have that too OP, you're not alone. I don't cum with meets so get round it that way. I still have fun though.
Maybe save your orgasms for people you trust and you know you can 'wind down' with.
I didnt realise this was such a common thing, but if I met someone and she didnt cum id be the one feeling depressed! Lol"
Men don't realise...  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have that too OP, you're not alone. I don't cum with meets so get round it that way. I still have fun though.
Maybe save your orgasms for people you trust and you know you can 'wind down' with. "
This for me too, it's not a case of I don't let go or try it just doesn't happen which I think is more phycological than any other factor.....yet with hubby I orgasm easily and often
Jane x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"From a womans point of view, well mine.
Ive been around the block a few times and i like to think i was a pretty understanding person regarding varies situations
If i was meeting someone and they had the same issues as you id expect them to tell me andthen wr could come up with a plan to what is the best if/when it happens. Be that cuddles, food, let you sleep it off
If i like someone things dont tend to put me off where humans.
What puts me off is if sonething happens and i havent been prewarned.
"
Sounds fair; I would like to point out that I don't immediately climb on the hotel balcony and attempt to launch myself; its more a deep unsettled feeling... difficult to describe; a vulnerability I am uncomfortable with.
Thank you for all your posts so far by the way; its cathartic if a little embarrassing! |
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"From a womans point of view, well mine.
Ive been around the block a few times and i like to think i was a pretty understanding person regarding varies situations
If i was meeting someone and they had the same issues as you id expect them to tell me andthen wr could come up with a plan to what is the best if/when it happens. Be that cuddles, food, let you sleep it off
If i like someone things dont tend to put me off where humans.
What puts me off is if sonething happens and i havent been prewarned.
Sounds fair; I would like to point out that I don't immediately climb on the hotel balcony and attempt to launch myself; its more a deep unsettled feeling... difficult to describe; a vulnerability I am uncomfortable with.
Thank you for all your posts so far by the way; its cathartic if a little embarrassing! "
sex is vulnerable. Im very vulnerable and when i orgasm i have no defence, i talk shit, sometimes i can be quite childlike. I have to trust that people wont use this to their advantage or hold it against me when i cum back dowm. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I feel similar. If (and that's a big if) I let go and have an amazing orgasm I want to cry and be held after! I don't want someone to start getting dressed straight away!!
It's a release of emotions that cause this. I have learnt to keep that for someone special and just have fun and fake it with others  |
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OP it definitely sounds very much like sub drop, there was a post on the forums recently about how to prevent it - maybe there could be some info in there for you.
Its not just subs that experience drop, doms and those who don't practice bdsm do too.
Its caused by a massive build up of endorphins which decrease after the act. The endorphins give you a high which is followed by a massive low when the levels fall and it has been likened to the highs and lows of taking drugs. |
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