FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > The cold, impersonal side of fab

The cold, impersonal side of fab

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I have been on fab for a while and met many folk but I am constantly taken aback at how.many guys are happy to grab your attention and then expect you to have sex with them without being interested in you and keen to keep in touch even on here! Has anyone else.found this? I not remotely interested in a relationship but I do find men are increasingly expecting us ladies to be little more than a glory hole. It is for that reason I am meeting men only socially for the time being with a view to getting to know someone before being intimate. Fortunately I have sensed this before getting intimate but there has been the odd guy I have been with and felt used afterwards - not a good feeling at all.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

With the odd exception I prefer people not to stay in touch. I hate messages the day after asking when the next time will be etc.

It's swinging, not dating.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Some people probably prefer it that way rather than appearing clingy

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"With the odd exception I prefer people not to stay in touch. I hate messages the day after asking when the next time will be etc.

It's swinging, not dating."

No no wasnt meaning messages like that.. I meant general updates asking how things are etc..the last thing I would want was a stalker!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"With the odd exception I prefer people not to stay in touch. I hate messages the day after asking when the next time will be etc.

It's swinging, not dating."

Agreed. Otherwise its not really no strings.

Men want sex, women want to get to know them first.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I actually like the idea of knowing something about anyone I have been intimate with...not talking about being pals on Facebook though!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"With the odd exception I prefer people not to stay in touch. I hate messages the day after asking when the next time will be etc.

It's swinging, not dating.

No no wasnt meaning messages like that.. I meant general updates asking how things are etc..the last thing I would want was a stalker! "

They're easily obtained on here!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 01/11/16 19:21:01]

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I keep it pure nsa. I alwais send a message after and say it was a good meet, then if anything more happens, that is fine too

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I agree .. I'm not a piece of meat .. u can swing and still get to know someone and feel like they have some level of respect for you and not just be discarded like a piece of trash ... it's happened a few times to me and like the op I now will only have socials with men until I get to know someone .. and it's not about dating .. it's about more than just fuck and go

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

i think i get what you mean.

a lot of men expect us to service them without them making much effort. some guys can do this well, i've had a few guys on here who i'm happy to meet up with whenever they want 'servicing', but i know i'm gonna enjoy that sex and so what if they are using me i'm enjoying that and using them too.

initially, we all need some kind of knowledge that our meet is going to be enjoyable AND safe.

i'd like most of my meets to catch up with me here and there for no reason at all except they wanna check i'm ok. not sure why but i guess it makes you feel like you aren't their only/last option.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I agree .. I'm not a piece of meat .. u can swing and still get to know someone and feel like they have some level of respect for you and not just be discarded like a piece of trash ... it's happened a few times to me and like the op I now will only have socials with men until I get to know someone .. and it's not about dating .. it's about more than just fuck and go "

Totally true

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Sounds like dating to me.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"With the odd exception I prefer people not to stay in touch. I hate messages the day after asking when the next time will be etc.

It's swinging, not dating."
im the same.. we have friends but they are people we have genuinely become friends with. when on as a single I would cancel meets if people expected me to stay in touch after meets were sorted. Let alone after.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

No strings is the default mode for swinging or at least it used to be

If friendship happens so be it but if you didn't click... That goes both ways... why force or bemoan it?

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By *orwegian BlueMan over a year ago

Iceland, but Aldi is closer..

I like to get to know someone before I even will socially meet them..

There is nothing worse than there not being any attraction and having nothing in common and that awkward silence when you do finally meet up.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Sounds like dating to me."

Doesn't to me, it sounds like wanting a regular meet or a friendship. Nowt wrong with that. I can appreciate a good one-off meet, but I also enjoy repeat meets. I don't find the one-offs cold, but I don't find the repeats anything remotely like dating either.

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By *isscheekychopsWoman over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

Think it's different for singles and couples I like to stay in contact unless it was just a one off meet etc

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By *andsonjohnMan over a year ago

in the eye of the storm

"I have been on fab for a while and met many folk but I am constantly taken aback at how.many guys are happy to grab your attention and then expect you to have sex with them without being interested in you and keen to keep in touch even on here! Has anyone else.found this? I not remotely interested in a relationship but I do find men are increasingly expecting us ladies to be little more than a glory hole. It is for that reason I am meeting men only socially for the time being with a view to getting to know someone before being intimate. Fortunately I have sensed this before getting intimate but there has been the odd guy I have been with and felt used afterwards - not a good feeling at all."

I can assure you we are not all like that anyone I regularly talk to on here or elsewhere would back me up on that fact about how I conduct myself .that even means how I behave towards those I will never have the chance to play with to. you see I treat play partners the same as I treat non play partners or possible play partners as friends.

now your post can also describe the behaviour of some woman out there to OP.

as for leaving a play partner feeling used never going to happen with me for the simple reason if I'm playing with you I view you as a friend at the very least and I am the kind of guy who stays in daily or twice weekly contact with his friends you will always be hearing from me in between meets even if that was a very long time due to distances involved as well as that pesky thing called real life with its commitments that interfere with fun .

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

To be fair I've never understood the fuck buddy thing either - so my view on dating will be at odds with many on here

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Maybe the guys that just want to blow their beans and leave should meet couples for fucks because couples have each other for intimacy and cuddles and all the soppy shit. Guys that want a little more from their meets should meet the single women that also want more from their meets.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Think it's different for singles and couples I like to stay in contact unless it was just a one off meet etc "
i tend to talk more as a couple.. as a single even knowing there name was a rare thingm

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

now your post can also describe the behaviour of some woman out there to OP.

Wish there were many more like you!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Maybe the guys that just want to blow their beans and leave should meet couples for fucks because couples have each other for intimacy and cuddles and all the soppy shit. Guys that want a little more from their meets should meet the single women that also want more from their meets.

I'm in favour of this.

You deal with the clingy ones and we'll take the eat, shoot & leaves. Sorted

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"With the odd exception I prefer people not to stay in touch. I hate messages the day after asking when the next time will be etc.

It's swinging, not dating."

I kind of get this. But I agree with the Op too

We are humans. And will always be no mayer how you package yourself for a meet. I will only see that as we talk.

I want to know who I meet. I like to know things about you, hidden things you don't think is important, tells me what type of things I might do to please you.

I don't like the idea of a cold meeting. It's better when you get to know each other.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Everyone has their own take on this and their own approach as far as keeping in touch after a meet or not goes - some like complete NSA while others are big on the social side. I think the best you can do is just operate in a way that works for you, and take each person as they come! Diff'rent strokes for diff'rent folks innit!

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By *andsonjohnMan over a year ago

in the eye of the storm

now your post can also describe the behaviour of some woman out there to OP.

Wish there were many more like you!"

and I wish there was more women who don't fear friendship but sadly there are rather a lot who shy away from even friendship because its a commitment of a sort .

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I'm happy to have both kinds of meets. I have had the pleasure of chatting with some lovely people and sometimes it's the day to day stuff, the check ins. Others are just purely fuck and go. Because sometimes they're pretty but, actually, we've not that much in common. That's the fun of it... the variety. The potential.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I'm in favour of this.

You deal with the clingy ones and we'll take the eat, shoot & leaves. Sorted

It's how it should be anyway, makes sense to me. Guys that purely want just a fuck should meet couples or women that are cheating on their partners. Everyone knows where they stand and can see it for what it is and that is just sex.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"With the odd exception I prefer people not to stay in touch. I hate messages the day after asking when the next time will be etc.

It's swinging, not dating.

I kind of get this. But I agree with the Op too

We are humans. And will always be no mayer how you package yourself for a meet. I will only see that as we talk.

I want to know who I meet. I like to know things about you, hidden things you don't think is important, tells me what type of things I might do to please you.

I don't like the idea of a cold meeting. It's better when you get to know each other. "

We do talk to the people we meet

But not in the 'tell me a secret' kind of way

Sometimes we're even honest about the county we live in and our actual names. Admittedly not often

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I agree, I want at least 1 hour and a half of booty snuggling afterwards

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman over a year ago

little house on the praire

Im not bothered about the after as much as the before, i take my time to get to know someone, i have a social, then if we get on a play meet. A guy who invests that much time in me doesnt make me feel like a piece of meet.

Some will be one offs, some regular and some firm friends. But i neever feel like a piece of meat

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By *oxy_minxWoman over a year ago

Scotland - Aberdeen

I get what you mean and expect the same myself to be honest, but then I do have on my profile that I am not a fuck and go type of person and will easily call someone on it.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

We only "fuck" friends, we have socials and establish friendships, but that's because unless we are at a club we don't do one offs. As I meet single guys too that's even more important that I feel comfortable in their company.

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By *rightonsteveMan over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

I think I prefer a flurry of excited messages to and fro up to a meet and a veri and thank you after and go quiet for while till the next opportunity. I don't want to be needy or clingy and prefer to give people space.

If the person is miles away and the meets are few and far between I'll chat happy as Larry.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I'm confused. Anyone who mentions only wanting sex is told swinging is more than just sex and then when someone says they want more than just sex but not a relationship, they're told it sounds like dating

I have to have a connection with someone before having sex with them and I like keeping in touch afterwards. I like repeat meets

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I agree, I want at least 1 hour and a half of booty snuggling afterwards

Yep and I like guys to sleep over for the night.

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By *loppsyWoman over a year ago

marlow

Totally agree x

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By *oxy_minxWoman over a year ago

Scotland - Aberdeen

"I'm confused. Anyone who mentions only wanting sex is told swinging is more than just sex and then when someone says they want more than just sex but not a relationship, they're told it sounds like dating

I have to have a connection with someone before having sex with them and I like keeping in touch afterwards. I like repeat meets

^^^Exactly this

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By *ancs MinxWoman over a year ago

Burnley

I have to have a connection with someone before having sex with them and I like keeping in touch afterwards. I like repeat meets

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

some people i chat to most weeks maybe once or twice - some only when we are free - most i drop a message to every 2 or 3 weeks -

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"With the odd exception I prefer people not to stay in touch. I hate messages the day after asking when the next time will be etc.

It's swinging, not dating.

I kind of get this. But I agree with the Op too

We are humans. And will always be no mayer how you package yourself for a meet. I will only see that as we talk.

I want to know who I meet. I like to know things about you, hidden things you don't think is important, tells me what type of things I might do to please you.

I don't like the idea of a cold meeting. It's better when you get to know each other. "

Totally agree.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I have to have a connection with someone before having sex with them and I like keeping in touch afterwards. I like repeat meets

+1 for this

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"and I wish there was more women who don't fear friendship but sadly there are rather a lot who shy away from even friendship because its a commitment of a sort . "

this is me to a degree. it's why fab suits me really well. i'd like to trust people but have realised that working the way i was on here means i won't find people i can trust, so have changed how i work on here for now.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I have to have a connection with someone before having sex with them and I like keeping in touch afterwards. I like repeat meets

Totally agree with you x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I agree, I want at least 1 hour and a half of booty snuggling afterwards

Yep and I like guys to sleep over for the night. "

Hmmm, sleepover for me would only be acceptable if a fine breakfast follows afterwards. Can't be skipping the most important meal of the day.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I have to have a connection with someone before having sex with them and I like keeping in touch afterwards. I like repeat meets

Totally agree with you x"

This

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By *uzy444Woman over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

do what you feel is right for you OP.

so many people looking for various encounters here, you have to go with what you feel comfortable with..

im not a fuck and go person (unless its a scene for that) im not clingy either. im sociable and chatty, just because im not impersonal and cold, doesnt make me incapable of having multiple partners. im a realist and i enjoy both my social and my more intimate moments, without the need for a full on relationship. that doesn't mean to say however i don't care about people, cos i do. i love a lot of people, there's room in my heart for many different types of dynamics...from my perception, its not anything to do with expectation projected, on the other x

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By *iss.HoneyWoman over a year ago

...

I agree, I want at least 1 hour and a half of booty snuggling afterwards

Ah snuggles

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I am by nature a people person and need to connect well before embarking on intimacy. However I also know I don't wish to date anyone. It's interesting how many people have differing views on this subject.

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By *andsonjohnMan over a year ago

in the eye of the storm

"I am by nature a people person and need to connect well before embarking on intimacy. However I also know I don't wish to date anyone. It's interesting how many people have differing views on this subject."

I'm a people person to op anyone who has ever been on a social with me would back that up as I often chat impersonally to the bar staff anyone in fact.

I give freely of myself with no expectations and if I'm honest I feel rather lucky as by doing this i have made friendships with some truly wonderful people very similar in life out look to me .

I think the trick to being like I am is to not fear being let down or hurt and to always go with ones heart even if you know it will end in tears because a life with out such feeling is no life at all in my opinion ,

I crave memories and moments that will live with in me forever such moments and friendships will always contain risk but that's what makes then unforgettable moments and friendships in my humble opinion .

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By *rightonsteveMan over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

John, when you say you 'talk inpersonally' makes me have an image in my head of you going to a meet with a ventriloquist dummy....

".....'ere, 'e sez 'e fancies you, 'e duz', fancy a bit 'o ventriloquist cunniligus, duck'?

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By *etter the devil you knowWoman over a year ago

Lyndhurst

I like to be sure i am meeting someone who i will feel comfortable with, otherwise its a waste of time.

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By *avrick15Man over a year ago

glasgow

I guess it's just being clear on your profile about what you want, everyone is here for different reasons

Some for NSA and some for social regular meets, some just for BBC or guys with beards and tatttoos lol

Point is be clear and upfront and when there's a synergy, have at it

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By *uzy444Woman over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

"John, when you say you 'talk inpersonally' makes me have an image in my head of you going to a meet with a ventriloquist dummy....

".....'ere, 'e sez 'e fancies you, 'e duz', fancy a bit 'o ventriloquist cunniligus, duck'? "
it means without agenda..xx

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By *yrdwomanWoman over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

I like to have a drink and chat before getting busy, and would find it difficult to just go to a visit a bloke and be expected to get my kit off immediately. However I don't like overly familiar messages on here. I'm here for NSA fun, not being bugged all the time.

I know - I'm an unfriendly bugger. If I could delete my friendslist without hurting feelings I probably would.

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By *andsonjohnMan over a year ago

in the eye of the storm

"John, when you say you 'talk inpersonally' makes me have an image in my head of you going to a meet with a ventriloquist dummy....

".....'ere, 'e sez 'e fancies you, 'e duz', fancy a bit 'o ventriloquist cunniligus, duck'? "

you could be right Steve as I'm open and will chat freely but I've often been told I'm hard to read and hard to get a bead on in the flesh.

this is a trait I often use to tease the object of my desire in the flesh before play dates and during play dates as they can not tell if I'm pleased displeased or just indifferent .

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By *o30Woman over a year ago

Lincoln

I have to have a connection with someone before having sex with them and I like keeping in touch afterwards. I like repeat meets

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I'd agree with OP wholeheartedly. Sure it s not a dating site but some ongoing contact prior to and after a meet is a respectful thing I think. To know a bit about a person prior to meet is a good thing. I'd prefer that. On returning to fab I haven't had any meets this time but would always like some banter...and chat sexy or otherwise prior to a meet...and afterwards even if infrequently. I see a WG from time to time and whilst I'd never say I was a friend we have a nice dialogue even when we are not meeting and I certainly do not see her as a piece of meat in the slightest. I have got to know her and have a lot of respect...and don't think she sees me as a scummy punter either. That's my tuppence worth.

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By *ureTemptationWoman over a year ago

Off the grid

I think Fab is different things to different people. And that's what talking before a meet, and a profile with your preferences, is a good thing.

I'm part of a couple and still much prefer to chat a lot and then meet socially a couple of times and most guys can't be arsed because I'm not single. But me feeling comfortable and safe with someone, as well as being able to build the sexual tension, is incredibly important to me.

Everyone is different.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Sounds like dating to me.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"With the odd exception I prefer people not to stay in touch. I hate messages the day after asking when the next time will be etc.

It's swinging, not dating."

Yes I hate that too, it happens a lot x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Men associate sex with a bodily function. For most women it involves an emotional attachment. Personally I couldn't have sex with a woman I don't like. I need to chat first to see if we click, make each other laugh (might come in useful in the bedroom

). I always make it clear it's no strings but yes I have to lik eyou as a person.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

eh,,,its swinging,,its kinda cold by nature

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I like to think the man I'm getting naked with is there because I turn him on, not because I happen to have a vagina. If I wanted nothing more than a cock inside me I would go to a club and lay on a bed, with my legs open.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

now your post can also describe the behaviour of some woman out there to OP.

That's possibly the most comprehensive white knighting that I've ever seen...

Beard

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

We don't do socials either. Life's too short and there are always other options.

Although Twirl does go to Munches and has a bit of a network via that - but she doesn't like to be pestered before or after meets either.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It confuses me so much. You start talking to a guy, conversation flows really well so you arrange to meet. In your opinion the meet is great and another one takes place. Then nothing!

I wouldn't say I was clingy. Left it a couple of weeks before messaging again. Just asking if he wanted to arrange something and just got ignored. Does hurt a little as you think you got on well. It does hit your confidence.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"It confuses me so much. You start talking to a guy, conversation flows really well so you arrange to meet. In your opinion the meet is great and another one takes place. Then nothing!

or just hedging their bets

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By *andsonjohnMan over a year ago

in the eye of the storm

now your post can also describe the behaviour of some woman out there to OP.

That's possibly the most comprehensive white knighting that I've ever seen...

Beard"

sorry you see it that way fella I can assure you its not as you see it but a true refection of me as a man .

I'm often told I'm poly by those in the kink world but I don't see myself in that way.

I just choose to play and act in a way that I need to feel comfortable enough to play in the first place .

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

So have you messaged these men after a meet to see how they are doing?

Just asking out of interest

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman over a year ago

little house on the praire

"It confuses me so much. You start talking to a guy, conversation flows really well so you arrange to meet. In your opinion the meet is great and another one takes place. Then nothing!

So to have a guy still chat after is great cos it means he isn't just wanting to get his end away and make you feel used. Guys who stay in contact are real men regardless of whether they want to meet again or not."
but why would someone stay in contact if they didnt want to meet again. Seems a bit pointless

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Hello ?? Newbie

I understand we're you are coming from I'd be happy with a little Wiff of social at the moment as tbh, I'm spoken for so I'll be honest I'm playing without consent think I'm just looking to chat for now as I'm on Road 5-6 days a week and always be curious about the scene.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

So have you messaged these men after a meet to see how they are doing?

Just asking out of interest"

Not the ones with no connection no but I like to keep in touch with many of the ones I have met socially yes and we have as well as the few I had great sex with which I have met again. The ones I felt used with I probably sensed this and so didn't get back to them no.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Yes I agree too, there is an important social side to swinging that I used to enjoy. Seems to have disappeared.

I have felt totally used a cpl of times. Walk in, decline any offer of refreshments & straight to bedroom and then their off once deed is done.

Felt like they had left money on the side. . . .

But hey ho ~ that's just my feelings x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"It confuses me so much. You start talking to a guy, conversation flows really well so you arrange to meet. In your opinion the meet is great and another one takes place. Then nothing!

So to have a guy still chat after is great cos it means he isn't just wanting to get his end away and make you feel used. Guys who stay in contact are real men regardless of whether they want to meet again or not.but why would someone stay in contact if they didnt want to meet again. Seems a bit pointless"

a thanks but not interested in meeting again would be polite so people know where they stand at least

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

So have you messaged these men after a meet to see how they are doing?

Just asking out of interest

Maybe they didn't feel a connection with you too, people lead busy lives and don't necessarily want to message previous meets they have no intention on seeing again just to appear as a nice guy. I don't message ex gfs or old work colleagues I don't intend to see every so often to see how they are doing..

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Everyone wants different things. I (Peachy) have had both types of meets and really have no preference, it all depends on the connection made. Sometimes it's literally a one-off fuck with a stranger, and no contact ever again. And then there's men/women who I've actually become friends with, but that's always a coincidence and always happens after the fuckery. I never get to know people that well beforehand, I want to fuck them, nothing more.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I think it's healthy to have some basis of knowledge about one another. Everyone is taking a risk in metting a stranger and some sort of level playing field so to speak is a must.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

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By *risky_MareWoman over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

Yes OP, the single biggest reason I do not meet people on here is if they fail to demonstrate a desire for a depth of connection or ongoing friendship, despite my profile explaining that's what I am looking for now! I've had 'friendships' where we don't need to chat at all between meets, or others where we chat several times every single day - I have no rules, it depends on the dynamic between two people, it's the attitude that counts.

It has to be someone or something pretty special to make me want a one-off meet now, though every friendship starts with a first meet that you both want to repeat.

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By *uperock99Man over a year ago

Milton Keynes

I had a few long term fb's on here, they started with meet up sex only, then regular meets and eventually we had a relationship off of here by staying off fabs, but eventually didn't work out so back on here again

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By *at69driveMan over a year ago

Hertford

"With the odd exception I prefer people not to stay in touch. I hate messages the day after asking when the next time will be etc.

It's swinging, not dating."
There is nothing wrong in staying in touch . It shows an interest and in many respects subsequent meets are also more enjoyable .

Meeting regularly for sex is hardly dating.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"With the odd exception I prefer people not to stay in touch. I hate messages the day after asking when the next time will be etc.

It's swinging, not dating. There is nothing wrong in staying in touch . It shows an interest and in many respects subsequent meets are also more enjoyable .

Meeting regularly for sex is hardly dating. "

I'll bet if you asked twenty random people on the street if meeting somebody regularly and having sex with them was 'dating'... almost all of them would say yes it is.

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By *risky_MareWoman over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

[Removed by poster at 01/11/16 23:21:10]

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"With the odd exception I prefer people not to stay in touch. I hate messages the day after asking when the next time will be etc.

It's swinging, not dating. There is nothing wrong in staying in touch . It shows an interest and in many respects subsequent meets are also more enjoyable .

Meeting regularly for sex is hardly dating.

I'll bet if you asked twenty random people on the street if meeting somebody regularly and having sex with them was 'dating'... almost all of them would say yes it is."

i doubt that. dating is investing time into someone and getting to know them with the hope that they're what you're looking for for a relationship.

most people, i feel use the dating excuse because they don't wanna be honest and say, look i'm not interested in anything more than using you for sex.

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By *risky_MareWoman over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

I'll bet if you asked twenty random people on the street if meeting somebody regularly and having sex with them was 'dating'... almost all of them would say yes it is.

i doubt that. dating is investing time into someone and getting to know them with the hope that they're what you're looking for for a relationship.

Exactly, though there is the concept of casual dating, most people on the street would call meeting regularly and having sex a relationship.

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By *ophieslutTV/TS over a year ago

Central

I think it's just about fine tuning the type of people that you want and like - the rest may as well live on mars. Where there's choice, there isn't an issue.

As is often said, some come to fab thinking women here are like prostitutes but free.

I've had fbs lasting years with affection and friendship of sorts but it's still no strings fun. My other friends give me the friendship that is just friendship.

If you're clear and know what you want, it's easier if misfits show up.

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By *eliz NelsonMan over a year ago

The Tantric Tea Shop

But....despite Fab members coming from all walks of life, I do not consider them as 'most people on the street!'

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Meeting regularly for sex is hardly dating.

I'll bet if you asked twenty random people on the street if meeting somebody regularly and having sex with them was 'dating'... almost all of them would say yes it is.

i doubt that. dating is investing time into someone and getting to know them with the hope that they're what you're looking for for a relationship.

most people, i feel use the dating excuse because they don't wanna be honest and say, look i'm not interested in anything more than using you for sex."

Interesting because I've always seen it the other way - that many people use this site in the hope of dating but prefer not to admit it.

With regard to 'using' people for sex - that's exactly what we look for and we like to meet people who regard us likewise. That doesn't mean we don't need to get on with them and it doesn't mean we don't keep in touch with those we get on well with. It does mean we're clear about the kind of fun we'll have and that we don't expect cuddles, breakfasts and lots of reassuring messages after the event.

As for doubting that most people on the street would regard people meeting up regularly as dating or being in a relationship... have you been out much lately?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"But....despite Fab members coming from all walks of life, I do not consider them as 'most people on the street!'"

Precisely.

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By *inky-MinxWoman over a year ago

Grantham

"I keep it pure nsa. I alwais send a message after and say it was a good meet, then if anything more happens, that is fine too

You don't meet though

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I'll bet if you asked twenty random people on the street if meeting somebody regularly and having sex with them was 'dating'... almost all of them would say yes it is.

i doubt that. dating is investing time into someone and getting to know them with the hope that they're what you're looking for for a relationship.

Exactly, though there is the concept of casual dating, most people on the street would call meeting regularly and having sex a relationship."

casual dating, to me, denotes that people are meeting for dates without the intention of anything serious. not sure why anyone would do that other than for company but i wouldn't think fuck and go is any kind of relationship at all.

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By *inky-MinxWoman over a year ago

Grantham

I have made true male friends on here and that suits me most of the time

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

" It does mean we're clear about the kind of fun we'll have and that we don't expect cuddles, breakfasts and lots of reassuring messages after the event.

But you're a couple, you already have that with each other so why would you need those kind of things from a sex meet? I've been single for almost 8 years and it is lonely sometimes, when I'm with a guy I like to have some intimacy and affection, it's something that cannot be filled by your family and friends.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Meeting regularly for sex is hardly dating.

I'll bet if you asked twenty random people on the street if meeting somebody regularly and having sex with them was 'dating'... almost all of them would say yes it is.

i doubt that. dating is investing time into someone and getting to know them with the hope that they're what you're looking for for a relationship.

most people, i feel use the dating excuse because they don't wanna be honest and say, look i'm not interested in anything more than using you for sex.

Interesting because I've always seen it the other way - that many people use this site in the hope of dating but prefer not to admit it.

As for doubting that most people on the street would regard people meeting up regularly as dating or being in a relationship... have you been out much lately?

nobody i know would think that fucking someone is dating, no-one. and some of the people i know are stupid but not that stupid.

loads of people use others for sex i do get that, i do myself obviously but hope the guy does not feel left used (unless he's into that and plenty seem to be lol), but using people is not a relationship at all either. it can be a part of friendship even, i get that too, but using someone isn't dating them, neither is kissing someone, cuddling them, or being respectful to them, none of that is dating.

being affectionate is maybe crossing a line into giving someone something more than clinical, mechanical sex but neither is that dating.

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By *avrick15Man over a year ago

glasgow

" It does mean we're clear about the kind of fun we'll have and that we don't expect cuddles, breakfasts and lots of reassuring messages after the event.

I'm all up for cuddles, especially with nice bangers like that my lovely from the valleys

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

" It does mean we're clear about the kind of fun we'll have and that we don't expect cuddles, breakfasts and lots of reassuring messages after the event.

I'm not saying people shouldn't seek it.

But if you are seeking it you have to accept this site may not be the best of sites to find it given the motives for people being here are more likely to be for no strings sex.

if you happen to find it here anyway then

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By *eliz NelsonMan over a year ago

The Tantric Tea Shop

"Meeting regularly for sex is hardly dating.

I'll bet if you asked twenty random people on the street if meeting somebody regularly and having sex with them was 'dating'... almost all of them would say yes it is.

i doubt that. dating is investing time into someone and getting to know them with the hope that they're what you're looking for for a relationship.

most people, i feel use the dating excuse because they don't wanna be honest and say, look i'm not interested in anything more than using you for sex.

Interesting because I've always seen it the other way - that many people use this site in the hope of dating but prefer not to admit it.

As for doubting that most people on the street would regard people meeting up regularly as dating or being in a relationship... have you been out much lately?

nobody i know would think that fucking someone is dating, no-one. and some of the people i know are stupid but not that stupid.

being affectionate is maybe crossing a line into giving someone something more than clinical, mechanical sex but neither is that dating.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"nobody i know would think that fucking someone is dating, no-one. and some of the people i know are stupid but not that stupid.

Assuming we're still debating people meeting regularly & having sex (not a one off fuck)... then I can only assume you have a narrow circle of friends because the vast majority of people I know would certainly consider it as dating (albeit not call it that apart from those aged 60+). None of them are stupid. Well maybe one..

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By *imiUKMan over a year ago

Hereford

I agree, I want at least 1 hour and a half of booty snuggling afterwards

I'm not sure that I could do that even if I was dating the person. "Snuggling" sounds fucking hideous to be fair. I don't think I do that.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"nobody i know would think that fucking someone is dating, no-one. and some of the people i know are stupid but not that stupid.

yes we are talking about that still.

my circle is narrow yes, i don't hang out with users or toxic people so it is a very small circle of open minded people. i got lucky there. tbf to them they aren't stupid when i comes to everything either.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

" It does mean we're clear about the kind of fun we'll have and that we don't expect cuddles, breakfasts and lots of reassuring messages after the event.

I'm not saying people shouldn't seek it.

But if you are seeking it you have to accept this site may not be the best of sites to find it given the motives for people being here are more likely to be for no strings sex.

if you happen to find it here anyway then

Got more chance of finding oil on this site than a boyfriend, but thanks

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By *avrick15Man over a year ago

glasgow

"nobody i know would think that fucking someone is dating, no-one. and some of the people i know are stupid but not that stupid.

yes we are talking about that still.

A narrow circle sounds interesting

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By *avrick15Man over a year ago

glasgow

" It does mean we're clear about the kind of fun we'll have and that we don't expect cuddles, breakfasts and lots of reassuring messages after the event.

I'm not saying people shouldn't seek it.

But if you are seeking it you have to accept this site may not be the best of sites to find it given the motives for people being here are more likely to be for no strings sex.

if you happen to find it here anyway then

Got more chance of finding oil on this site than a boyfriend, but thanks

Don't mention oil or the fuckjng Americans might invade fab

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"nobody i know would think that fucking someone is dating, no-one. and some of the people i know are stupid but not that stupid.

yes we are talking about that still.

Well that's not your average twenty people off the street is it?

I'm talking about the ones who freak out when they see articles about swingers in The Sun - "normal" people

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

" It does mean we're clear about the kind of fun we'll have and that we don't expect cuddles, breakfasts and lots of reassuring messages after the event.

I'm not saying people shouldn't seek it.

But if you are seeking it you have to accept this site may not be the best of sites to find it given the motives for people being here are more likely to be for no strings sex.

if you happen to find it here anyway then

Got more chance of finding oil on this site than a boyfriend, but thanks

You'll have no trouble finding oil on here

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

" It does mean we're clear about the kind of fun we'll have and that we don't expect cuddles, breakfasts and lots of reassuring messages after the event.

I'm all up for cuddles, especially with nice bangers like that my lovely from the valleys

I'm coastal I'm not from the valleys

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"nobody i know would think that fucking someone is dating, no-one. and some of the people i know are stupid but not that stupid.

yes we are talking about that still.

Well that's not your average twenty people off the street is it?

I'm talking about the ones who freak out when they see articles about swingers in The Sun - "normal" people

yes the normal maybe got me thinking wrong. we're actually not your average people are we.

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By *avrick15Man over a year ago

glasgow

" It does mean we're clear about the kind of fun we'll have and that we don't expect cuddles, breakfasts and lots of reassuring messages after the event.

I'm all up for cuddles, especially with nice bangers like that my lovely from the valleys

I'm coastal I'm not from the valleys

That's not the valleys I speak of

lol

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I agree, I want at least 1 hour and a half of booty snuggling afterwards

I'm not sure that I could do that even if I was dating the person. "Snuggling" sounds fucking hideous to be fair. I don't think I do that. "

My wife and I don't really 'snuggle' that much

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By *awandOrderCouple over a year ago

SW London

"With the odd exception I prefer people not to stay in touch. I hate messages the day after asking when the next time will be etc.

It's swinging, not dating.

Agreed. Otherwise its not really no strings.

Men want sex, women want to get to know them first. "

I didn't and still don't want to know anyone first. I am more than happy to meet fuck and never see the person again .... when I met men as a single, many of them wanted to tie me down to a relationship of sorts. It's not right to categorise people like that

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"nobody i know would think that fucking someone is dating, no-one. and some of the people i know are stupid but not that stupid.

yes we are talking about that still.

A narrow circle sounds interesting

better than drama and bullshit.

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By *avrick15Man over a year ago

glasgow

Problem is a lot of people on here think everyone else wants what they want

It's a plethora of variation... just got to find your niche and like minded people

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I agree, I want at least 1 hour and a half of booty snuggling afterwards

I'm not sure that I could do that even if I was dating the person. "Snuggling" sounds fucking hideous to be fair. I don't think I do that.

My wife and I don't really 'snuggle' that much

Yeah you English lot do cuddles and snuggles, down here we have cwtches and to be honest there's nothing better than a cwtch.

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By *avrick15Man over a year ago

glasgow

I agree, I want at least 1 hour and a half of booty snuggling afterwards

I'm not sure that I could do that even if I was dating the person. "Snuggling" sounds fucking hideous to be fair. I don't think I do that.

My wife and I don't really 'snuggle' that much

Yeah you English lot do cuddles and snuggles, down here we have cwtches and to be honest there's nothing better than a cwtch. "

Don't know what that is but want one

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I agree, I want at least 1 hour and a half of booty snuggling afterwards

I'm not sure that I could do that even if I was dating the person. "Snuggling" sounds fucking hideous to be fair. I don't think I do that.

My wife and I don't really 'snuggle' that much

Yeah you English lot do cuddles and snuggles, down here we have cwtches and to be honest there's nothing better than a cwtch. "

Hmmm, one of the rough translations I found online is 'safe place' - I like that.

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By *avrick15Man over a year ago

glasgow

I agree, I want at least 1 hour and a half of booty snuggling afterwards

I'm not sure that I could do that even if I was dating the person. "Snuggling" sounds fucking hideous to be fair. I don't think I do that.

My wife and I don't really 'snuggle' that much

Yeah you English lot do cuddles and snuggles, down here we have cwtches and to be honest there's nothing better than a cwtch.

Hmmm, one of the rough translations I found online is 'safe place' - I like that."

It's a Welsh glory hole... or may have been cubby hole

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By *risky_MareWoman over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

Problem is a lot of people on here think everyone else wants what they want

It's a plethora of variation... just got to find your niche and like minded people

Exactly - people project so much on here!!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I agree, I want at least 1 hour and a half of booty snuggling afterwards

I'm not sure that I could do that even if I was dating the person. "Snuggling" sounds fucking hideous to be fair. I don't think I do that.

My wife and I don't really 'snuggle' that much

Yeah you English lot do cuddles and snuggles, down here we have cwtches and to be honest there's nothing better than a cwtch. "

The Scots word is courie. Maybe related?

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By *avrick15Man over a year ago

glasgow

I agree, I want at least 1 hour and a half of booty snuggling afterwards

I'm not sure that I could do that even if I was dating the person. "Snuggling" sounds fucking hideous to be fair. I don't think I do that.

My wife and I don't really 'snuggle' that much

Yeah you English lot do cuddles and snuggles, down here we have cwtches and to be honest there's nothing better than a cwtch.

The Scots word is courie. Maybe related? "

Forgot about courie well done bud

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It's just plain wrong to suggest that all single women want more than just sex. There are many independent secure women who are sick of guys who feel the need to offer more or keep in touch.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

now your post can also describe the behaviour of some woman out there to OP.

That's possibly the most comprehensive white knighting that I've ever seen...

Beard"

Is it? I don't see him rushing to anyone's rescue.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"It's just plain wrong to suggest that all single women want more than just sex. There are many independent secure women who are sick of guys who feel the need to offer more or keep in touch."

Yep.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I have to have a connection with someone before having sex with them and I like keeping in touch afterwards. I like repeat meets

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Problem is a lot of people on here think everyone else wants what they want

It's a plethora of variation... just got to find your niche and like minded people

"
this is very true.. I'm a really social person and at clubs will talk to all... but with meets I do not feel the need to have loads of chit chat and to much will put me off.. and if we have a single guy join us its always preferably that he doesn't linger. Hence clubs suit us.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I think you can make it whatever you want to, some will want pure NSA and never to hear from that person again, others will stay in touch afterwards and maybe meet numerous times.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I actually like the idea of knowing something about anyone I have been intimate with...not talking about being pals on Facebook though! "

I'm with you there.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Courtesy and respect are not in abundance but that applies to all walks of life, not just fab.

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By *ollyGWoman over a year ago

Southampton

I totally agree, best reply yet!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

there is always another side to this coin and sometimes it is single people really not getting what NSA means...even couples can be guilty of this too.

I cant particularly see what a social meet will guarantee...the end goal is the same and the result probably will be similar.

Oh and yes, I'd shag a few people in between my upcoming '2nd' date.

I have long standing fab friendships, some I sexually connect with still and some I dont...We know what to expect and not to expect from a site promoting NSA adult lifestyles..

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I guess some people like to connect, others not so much.

I like to connect.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I guess some people like to connect, others not so much.

I like to connect. "

It could also be that people have different ideas of what 'to connect' actually means to them.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I think with the advent of social media, people are losing the ability to connect on a personal level. Swipe right swipe left meet kiss fuck leave never say another word.

I was thinking how the swinging sites of today differ from ten years ago when I first signed up to a certain rival site.

Apps like tinder with the swipe right/left instant gratification model have changed how people behave and not necessarily for the better.

I see status updates from females increasingly highlighting guys just offering cash. I'm going to start a separate thread on that subject.

Meet some traditional swingers in clubs these days and they can look bewildered and out of place. The social aspect is simply not part of the game for more and more new swingers. The scene is going through a big change. Suppose that reflects society at large.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I think with the advent of social media, people are losing the ability to connect on a personal level. Swipe right swipe left meet kiss fuck leave never say another word.

I was thinking how the swinging sites of today differ from ten years ago when I first signed up to a certain rival site.

Apps like tinder with the swipe right/left instant gratification model have changed how people behave and not necessarily for the better.

I see status updates from females increasingly highlighting guys just offering cash. I'm going to start a separate thread on that subject.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Yes OP, the single biggest reason I do not meet people on here is if they fail to demonstrate a desire for a depth of connection or ongoing friendship, despite my profile explaining that's what I am looking for now! I've had 'friendships' where we don't need to chat at all between meets, or others where we chat several times every single day - I have no rules, it depends on the dynamic between two people, it's the attitude that counts.

It has to be someone or something pretty special to make me want a one-off meet now, though every friendship starts with a first meet that you both want to repeat.

"
Afternoon tea anyone

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I subscribe to the different strokes for different folks approach. I dislike the superiority emanating from a number of people who do not want nsa. The statement "using women as meat" and variations of it implies that the women have no choice in the nsa and are not exercising free will not to be committed. The statement that only people who cheat want uncommitted relationships is plain wrong. People have a lot on their plates without random people cluttering up their lifes. Some people are friendly with their plumbers others want them to fix the problem and leave, but just be respectful in my house!

The committed crowd leave out the considerable number of greedy women and women on the scene who like more than one man at a time. Additionally I have heard couples and single woman state to the effect that they want no more than an ambulatory dildo. They turn up at an event cut loose and return to domesticity. I would be surprised if any woman has a social with her vibrator before buying it.

So let's live and let live, it's that simple. Respect to all in our differences.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I guess some people like to connect, others not so much.

I like to connect.

It could also be that people have different ideas of what 'to connect' actually means to them. "

That is, of course, very true

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By *risky_MareWoman over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

It has to be someone or something pretty special to make me want a one-off meet now, though every friendship starts with a first meet that you both want to repeat.

Afternoon tea anyone

Will there be cream scones??

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It has to be someone or something pretty special to make me want a one-off meet now, though every friendship starts with a first meet that you both want to repeat.

Afternoon tea anyone

Will there be cream scones??

"
The full works

making me feel hungry thinking about it

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By *icassolifelikeMan over a year ago

Luton

Treat 'em mean keep 'em keen and all that!

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By *risky_MareWoman over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

It has to be someone or something pretty special to make me want a one-off meet now, though every friendship starts with a first meet that you both want to repeat.

Afternoon tea anyone

Will there be cream scones??

The full works

making me feel hungry thinking about it

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By *Carver-Man over a year ago

Glasgow

Personally I think it's fun to keep in touch: not least so you can get a vicarious thrill from hearing about their adventures and know in advance if you're going to the same play parties...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Treat 'em mean keep 'em keen and all that!

The kind of women I am attracted to would rarely respond positively to being treated mean.

It's simply about not having a 'one glove fits all' approach. Respect that some require more and some don't, you can have wonderful sex in both scenarios. The fun is in deciding which approach is the right fit to maximise the fun.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"With the odd exception I prefer people not to stay in touch. I hate messages the day after asking when the next time will be etc.

It's swinging, not dating. There is nothing wrong in staying in touch . It shows an interest and in many respects subsequent meets are also more enjoyable .

Meeting regularly for sex is hardly dating.

I'll bet if you asked twenty random people on the street if meeting somebody regularly and having sex with them was 'dating'... almost all of them would say yes it is."

I really doubt it. They're never going to be introduced to my family, friends or work colleagues. They're never going to celebrate a birthday, Christmas, Valentines, new years, christening, wedding, anniversary etc with me.

I fail to see how meeting someone regularly for sex could be viewed by anybody as dating.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I have recently ended a 5 year fwb with another user in fab with whom I met other people with as a couple The reason was that he became very fond of me and I couldn't offer what he was seeking - namely a serious committed relationship. We met monthly and became great friends,going to parties, clubs and playing as a couple until he became very jealous of me meeting others. I never felt that way about him with ladies however. I do miss the play, the fun, chats with him etc but it was for the best.

And yep I want to meet to have a similar fwb again without him eventually being jealous and too involved. I hope it is possible but am prepared to be patient

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"With the odd exception I prefer people not to stay in touch. I hate messages the day after asking when the next time will be etc.

It's swinging, not dating. There is nothing wrong in staying in touch . It shows an interest and in many respects subsequent meets are also more enjoyable .

Meeting regularly for sex is hardly dating.

I'll bet if you asked twenty random people on the street if meeting somebody regularly and having sex with them was 'dating'... almost all of them would say yes it is.

I fail to see how meeting someone regularly for sex could be viewed by anybody as dating. "

Tell you what...

Do it tomorrow and then report back with the results

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"With the odd exception I prefer people not to stay in touch. I hate messages the day after asking when the next time will be etc.

It's swinging, not dating. There is nothing wrong in staying in touch . It shows an interest and in many respects subsequent meets are also more enjoyable .

Meeting regularly for sex is hardly dating.

I'll bet if you asked twenty random people on the street if meeting somebody regularly and having sex with them was 'dating'... almost all of them would say yes it is.

I fail to see how meeting someone regularly for sex could be viewed by anybody as dating. "

Well years back I thought I was dating a guy because I met some of his family members, friends, went to his colleagues wedding but apparently we were 'just shagging'

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman over a year ago

little house on the praire

Ive known people say they are dating someone then you find out more and theyve never been out the front door with them.

Or they class an ex as someone they shagged for a couple of months.

People put their own interpretation on things. I just find people with the same thoughts as me

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"With the odd exception I prefer people not to stay in touch. I hate messages the day after asking when the next time will be etc.

It's swinging, not dating.

Agreed. Otherwise its not really no strings.

Men want sex, women want to get to know them first. "

Ok so how come on pof or Tinder i'd get birds telling me they wanna rape me or tie me up and fuck my brains out...it's not always guys...some girls really are horny and let go in a 1st message

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