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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My friend was give some 'hand relief' (moisturising lotion) as a leaving gift from her job.
The younger woman didn't understand why she was laughing so much. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We offer full customer satisfaction with every erection ...... and, we do it in our wellies !
"
Pmsl 
I too specialize in providing a sturdy erection for multiple people to work on.....never had a collapse yet!  |
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"At work I have an area call the wet test area.... people tend to get wet!"
Environmental test is full of such innuendos..
I will slip one in wherever possible..some people make it harder than it need to be but really a good innuendo is just begging for the taking..
My personal fave is-
"vibration needs to be driven into the flange whilst maintaining hot and wet conditions to satisfy the requirement" |
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"At work I have an area call the wet test area.... people tend to get wet!
Environmental test is full of such innuendos..
I will slip one in wherever possible..some people make it harder than it need to be but really a good innuendo is just begging for the taking..
My personal fave is-
"vibration needs to be driven into the flange whilst maintaining hot and wet conditions to satisfy the requirement""
Oh  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"At work I have an area call the wet test area.... people tend to get wet!
Environmental test is full of such innuendos..
I will slip one in wherever possible..some people make it harder than it need to be but really a good innuendo is just begging for the taking..
My personal fave is-
"vibration needs to be driven into the flange whilst maintaining hot and wet conditions to satisfy the requirement""
What sort of flow are we likely to see? |
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Supposedly complaints sent to landlords by tenants;
"I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off."
"I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage."
"Their 18 year old son is continuously banging his balls against my fence."
"I wish to report that tiles are missing from the roof of the outside toilet and I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off."
"The lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?"
"I request your permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen."
"I am still having trouble with smoke in my built in drawers."
"The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared."
"Would you please send a man to repair my spout. I am an old age pensioner and need it straight away."
"I want to complain about the farmer across the road; every morning at 6am his cock wakes me up and it's getting too much."
"The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous."
"Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third so will you please send a man round to do something about it."
"I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would be pleased if you could do something about the noise made by the man I have on top of me every night."
"Please send a man with the proper tools to finish the job and satisfy the wife."
"I have had the Clerk of the Works down on the floor six times, but still have no satisfaction."
"We are getting married in September and would like it in the garden before we move into the house." |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Supposedly complaints sent to landlords by tenants;
"I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off."
"I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage."
"Their 18 year old son is continuously banging his balls against my fence."
"I wish to report that tiles are missing from the roof of the outside toilet and I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off."
"The lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?"
"I request your permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen."
"I am still having trouble with smoke in my built in drawers."
"The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared."
"Would you please send a man to repair my spout. I am an old age pensioner and need it straight away."
"I want to complain about the farmer across the road; every morning at 6am his cock wakes me up and it's getting too much."
"The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous."
"Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third so will you please send a man round to do something about it."
"I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would be pleased if you could do something about the noise made by the man I have on top of me every night."
"Please send a man with the proper tools to finish the job and satisfy the wife."
"I have had the Clerk of the Works down on the floor six times, but still have no satisfaction."
"We are getting married in September and would like it in the garden before we move into the house.""
Bravo!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I spend all my working day asking men if they want it through the back doors 
Think we should ask you that!
I don't mind as long as you're gentle "
Well then...... boys..... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I spend all my working day asking men if they want it through the back doors
Think we should ask you that!
I don't mind as long as you're gentle "
Lubricate the docking equipment pronto!
We're on course for a direct collision with Uranus!   |
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By *evaquitCouple
over a year ago
Catthorpe |
Hi Miss Honey.
Gonna send Justin around in the morning to sort your pipes out, please can you leave the back entrance open as he'll be coming pretty early. You won't even know he's come and gone whilst you're sleeping, he's always hard at it and will consummate his business in a timely fashion, aiming to please as always.
Hope you wake up with a smile on your face knowing the job in hand has has been to your satisfaction and look forward to further communication via the blower.
Yours sincerely,
Ivor Bighorn (head recruiter).
Him |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Hi Miss Honey.
Gonna send Justin around in the morning to sort your pipes out, please can you leave the back entrance open as he'll be coming pretty early. You won't even know he's come and gone whilst you're sleeping, he's always hard at it and will consummate his business in a timely fashion, aiming to please as always.
Hope you wake up with a smile on your face knowing the job in hand has has been to your satisfaction and look forward to further communication via the blower.
Yours sincerely,
Ivor Bighorn (head recruiter).
Him"
Bravo sir! |
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"Hi Miss Honey.
Gonna send Justin around in the morning to sort your pipes out, please can you leave the back entrance open as he'll be coming pretty early. You won't even know he's come and gone whilst you're sleeping, he's always hard at it and will consummate his business in a timely fashion, aiming to please as always.
Hope you wake up with a smile on your face knowing the job in hand has has been to your satisfaction and look forward to further communication via the blower.
Yours sincerely,
Ivor Bighorn (head recruiter).
Him"
Love it |
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When giving injections, nurses are nowadays told to avoid saying " you will feel a small prick"
Wierd translations:
Document with a hire car in Japan;
"When foot walking person heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor."
I do like the idea of being trumpeted melodiously and then tootled with vigour ......
A laundry in Rome: "Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time."
In an Austrian hotel ;
"New fitted with furnishings; for your satisfaction we are good in bath and excellent in bed"
In a Japanese Hotel;
" Chambermaids are provided for the comfort of guests who are to use them daily. They will guarantee your complete satisfaction"
Donkey rides in Thailand: "Would you like to ride on your own ass?"
On the tap in a Finnish washroom: "To stop the drip, turn cock to right."
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
It's too big, it just won't fit, I think I need a hand with this
Said today whist trying to hole punch a new document I had just printed! Que every one to laugh in the office whilst I pondered what had happened!
I did get a couple of offers tho 
T xx (wifey) |
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Gotta love The Todd 
