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Shared access of kids
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Hi folks. I am separated from my partner and we have 2 kids. What way does shared access work? I currently have the kids 8-10 nights per month. My view is just go the additional 5 and have shared access. How
Would that work
With child tax credits, child support. Both my partner and I are In full
Time employment |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Hi folks. I am separated from my partner and we have 2 kids. What way does shared access work? I currently have the kids 8-10 nights per month. My view is just go the additional 5 and have shared access. How
Would that work
With child tax credits, child support. Both my partner and I are In full
Time employment "
Mate, why ask us? You need specialist advice and a swingers forum isn't (see other threads ad nauseam) the place to get that.
How about Citizens Advice Bureau? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Hi folks. I am separated from my partner and we have 2 kids. What way does shared access work? I currently have the kids 8-10 nights per month. My view is just go the additional 5 and have shared access. How
Would that work
With child tax credits, child support. Both my partner and I are In full
Time employment "
My dad and his ex split and had shared access of my two siblings, they worked it so they claimed for one child each. Then depending on your earnings would depend on the child support (if you went down that route), there's a calculation you can do online, which takes into account: your income, the nights the child is at yours, whether you have a partner etc. Then it tells you how much you should be paying or how much you should be paid, but if you both have joint access is there really any need? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Hi folks. I am separated from my partner and we have 2 kids. What way does shared access work? I currently have the kids 8-10 nights per month. My view is just go the additional 5 and have shared access. How
Would that work
With child tax credits, child support. Both my partner and I are In full
Time employment "
Do whatever you and the kids' mother believe and agree to be in their best interests. Only then explore any financial consequences. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I share my daugthers with my ex. As it's school holidays they come n go as they please. I'm expectin H to kip Ova tonight. Term time they come for tea every Wed eve n sleep ova at the weekend. Sometimes Fri n sat togther n sometimes seprate. I don't claim anything for looking after them as it is my dutie although I struggle with food sometimes. Xxx |
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We didn't bother with it. I knew the kids would stay with her. So we just let the kids decide when they came to me. Most of the time they would come from school for dinner and I'd drop them back later. That was 6 years ago and thankfully the kids still come and go as they want. So ask the kids what they want and not let the courts decide. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Hi folks. I am separated from my partner and we have 2 kids. What way does shared access work? I currently have the kids 8-10 nights per month. My view is just go the additional 5 and have shared access. How
Would that work
With child tax credits, child support. Both my partner and I are In full
Time employment
Do whatever you and the kids' mother believe and agree to be in their best interests. Only then explore any financial consequences."
I agree. I think they are best with there mother. But I give her money each week (what csa tell me) on top of that I give more when asked. So my logic on the matter is if she's having money issues we split having the kids (less food money, travel and house hold heating) |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Hi folks. I am separated from my partner and we have 2 kids. What way does shared access work? I currently have the kids 8-10 nights per month. My view is just go the additional 5 and have shared access. How
Would that work
With child tax credits, child support. Both my partner and I are In full
Time employment
My dad and his ex split and had shared access of my two siblings, they worked it so they claimed for one child each. Then depending on your earnings would depend on the child support (if you went down that route), there's a calculation you can do online, which takes into account: your income, the nights the child is at yours, whether you have a partner etc. Then it tells you how much you should be paying or how much you should be paid, but if you both have joint access is there really any need? "
if you are referring to what CSA payments should be made then I think shared access is nil each way. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Hi folks. I am separated from my partner and we have 2 kids. What way does shared access work? I currently have the kids 8-10 nights per month. My view is just go the additional 5 and have shared access. How
Would that work
With child tax credits, child support. Both my partner and I are In full
Time employment
Do whatever you and the kids' mother believe and agree to be in their best interests. Only then explore any financial consequences. I agree. I think they are best with there mother. But I give her money each week (what csa tell me) on top of that I give more when asked. So my logic on the matter is if she's having money issues we split having the kids (less food money, travel and house hold heating)"
Then I am afraid you have lost my sympathy.
The wellbeing of your children comes before your pocket. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Hi folks. I am separated from my partner and we have 2 kids. What way does shared access work? I currently have the kids 8-10 nights per month. My view is just go the additional 5 and have shared access. How
Would that work
With child tax credits, child support. Both my partner and I are In full
Time employment
Do whatever you and the kids' mother believe and agree to be in their best interests. Only then explore any financial consequences. I agree. I think they are best with there mother. But I give her money each week (what csa tell me) on top of that I give more when asked. So my logic on the matter is if she's having money issues we split having the kids (less food money, travel and house hold heating)
Then I am afraid you have lost my sympathy.
The wellbeing of your children comes before your pocket."
spoken like a true woman |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Hi folks. I am separated from my partner and we have 2 kids. What way does shared access work? I currently have the kids 8-10 nights per month. My view is just go the additional 5 and have shared access. How
Would that work
With child tax credits, child support. Both my partner and I are In full
Time employment
Do whatever you and the kids' mother believe and agree to be in their best interests. Only then explore any financial consequences. I agree. I think they are best with there mother. But I give her money each week (what csa tell me) on top of that I give more when asked. So my logic on the matter is if she's having money issues we split having the kids (less food money, travel and house hold heating)"
That sounds very civil. If you can arrange it between the two of you and not get solicitors etc involved then that's better for you both and the kids. If you want shared rights then that again will take either a long chat with your ex or the help of a professional to guide you through all the ins and outs. If you can keep it 'informal' then that's healthier for the children in the long run surely?
Beard |
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"We didn't bother with it. I knew the kids would stay with her. So we just let the kids decide when they came to me. Most of the time they would come from school for dinner and I'd drop them back later. That was 6 years ago and thankfully the kids still come and go as they want. So ask the kids what they want and not let the courts decide."
Its good to see a mature solution to a situation instead of how some choose to sort things out..
has to be so much better for the children involved too so well done..  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hi folks. I am separated from my partner and we have 2 kids. What way does shared access work? I currently have the kids 8-10 nights per month. My view is just go the additional 5 and have shared access. How
Would that work
With child tax credits, child support. Both my partner and I are In full
Time employment
Do whatever you and the kids' mother believe and agree to be in their best interests. Only then explore any financial consequences.
I agree. I think they are best with there mother. But I give her money each week (what csa tell me) on top of that I give more when asked. So my logic on the matter is if she's having money issues we split having the kids (less food money, travel and house hold heating)"
you could help her get financial advice, if she isn't good at managing money. even on mum website forums you'd get tips on how to save.
me and an ex share custody of our 2 kids, he claims child benefit for one and me the other, my other 2 i have full custody. i pay for them all but am good on a budget. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Hi folks. I am separated from my partner and we have 2 kids. What way does shared access work? I currently have the kids 8-10 nights per month. My view is just go the additional 5 and have shared access. How
Would that work
With child tax credits, child support. Both my partner and I are In full
Time employment
Do whatever you and the kids' mother believe and agree to be in their best interests. Only then explore any financial consequences. I agree. I think they are best with there mother. But I give her money each week (what csa tell me) on top of that I give more when asked. So my logic on the matter is if she's having money issues we split having the kids (less food money, travel and house hold heating)
Then I am afraid you have lost my sympathy.
The wellbeing of your children comes before your pocket. spoken like a true woman "
Or perhaps just someone who understands that what is best for the children ranks well above what is best for your financial situation?
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Hi folks. I am separated from my partner and we have 2 kids. What way does shared access work? I currently have the kids 8-10 nights per month. My view is just go the additional 5 and have shared access. How
Would that work
With child tax credits, child support. Both my partner and I are In full
Time employment
Do whatever you and the kids' mother believe and agree to be in their best interests. Only then explore any financial consequences. I agree. I think they are best with there mother. But I give her money each week (what csa tell me) on top of that I give more when asked. So my logic on the matter is if she's having money issues we split having the kids (less food money, travel and house hold heating)
Then I am afraid you have lost my sympathy.
The wellbeing of your children comes before your pocket. spoken like a true woman "
So bloody true. I have 3 children with my ex. I dont get a penny or does he have them overnight. Jeez some are so lucky |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've been married a number of times and had children with 3 of my ex wives. My advice is stay civil and make any finance agreements through the CSA as this can make things such as tax credits far easier, can also then contribute more without it affecting anything.
I have great relationships with my ex's and children. Sadly as I work away I don't see them as much as I would like, but until I moved I had them pretty much 50/50; which meant I always had at least one of them at home at any one time |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Hi folks. I am separated from my partner and we have 2 kids. What way does shared access work? I currently have the kids 8-10 nights per month. My view is just go the additional 5 and have shared access. How
Would that work
With child tax credits, child support. Both my partner and I are In full
Time employment
Do whatever you and the kids' mother believe and agree to be in their best interests. Only then explore any financial consequences. I agree. I think they are best with there mother. But I give her money each week (what csa tell me) on top of that I give more when asked. So my logic on the matter is if she's having money issues we split having the kids (less food money, travel and house hold heating)
That sounds very civil. If you can arrange it between the two of you and not get solicitors etc involved then that's better for you both and the kids. If you want shared rights then that again will take either a long chat with your ex or the help of a professional to guide you through all the ins and outs. If you can keep it 'informal' then that's healthier for the children in the long run surely?
Beard"
it is very civil. And thanks
For your input x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Hi folks. I am separated from my partner and we have 2 kids. What way does shared access work? I currently have the kids 8-10 nights per month. My view is just go the additional 5 and have shared access. How
Would that work
With child tax credits, child support. Both my partner and I are In full
Time employment
Do whatever you and the kids' mother believe and agree to be in their best interests. Only then explore any financial consequences. I agree. I think they are best with there mother. But I give her money each week (what csa tell me) on top of that I give more when asked. So my logic on the matter is if she's having money issues we split having the kids (less food money, travel and house hold heating)
Then I am afraid you have lost my sympathy.
The wellbeing of your children comes before your pocket. spoken like a true woman
Or perhaps just someone who understands that what is best for the children ranks well above what is best for your financial situation?
"
I could not agree more you are 100% right! So when my ex arrives and says Im
Finding it tight for food and heating etc in house what's my logical reaction? Feed the kids! So my proposal was and is Simple. I'll take them
Addictional
Days and feed them and keep
Them warm
And leave them to school etc. You've taken the stAnce that I'm purely looking at this from a financial stand point. That's not true. My concern is the kids thus my offer to
Share custody. Your logic is I bang more money at her and that makes it all better |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Tax credits/child benefit etc will only pay out to one parent. The one that has the children for the bigger share. They won't enforce the claimant to share it either.
|
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Tax credits/child benefit etc will only pay out to one parent. The one that has the children for the bigger share. They won't enforce the claimant to share it either.
"
thank you! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Tax credits/child benefit etc will only pay out to one parent. The one that has the children for the bigger share. They won't enforce the claimant to share it either.
thank you! "
No worries. I have shared residency and a court order in place so have researched this a lot. PM me if you have any questions |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Tax credits/child benefit etc will only pay out to one parent. The one that has the children for the bigger share. They won't enforce the claimant to share it either.
"
my girls say I should be gettin a small amount of the child benifit to help me feed n keep them warm when they are here but I don't wanna cause grief by asking. My ex is very money orientated it's one of the reasons we split. Most of my money goes on keeping my girls safe and secure. I left to give my girls a better life not a worse one. Xxx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Tax credits/child benefit etc will only pay out to one parent. The one that has the children for the bigger share. They won't enforce the claimant to share it either.
thank you!
No worries. I have shared residency and a court order in place so have researched this a lot. PM me if you have any questions "
I will!!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Tax credits/child benefit etc will only pay out to one parent. The one that has the children for the bigger share. They won't enforce the claimant to share it either.
thank you!
No worries. I have shared residency and a court order in place so have researched this a lot. PM me if you have any questions I will!!!"
I was under two impression it would be 50/50 care, no one having the child more than the other. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Tax credits/child benefit etc will only pay out to one parent. The one that has the children for the bigger share. They won't enforce the claimant to share it either.
my girls say I should be gettin a small amount of the child benifit to help me feed n keep them warm when they are here but I don't wanna cause grief by asking. My ex is very money orientated it's one of the reasons we split. Most of my money goes on keeping my girls safe and secure. I left to give my girls a better life not a worse one. Xxx"
at least your kids are decent, despite him. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Tax credits/child benefit etc will only pay out to one parent. The one that has the children for the bigger share. They won't enforce the claimant to share it either.
thank you!
No worries. I have shared residency and a court order in place so have researched this a lot. PM me if you have any questions I will!!!
I was under two impression it would be 50/50 care, no one having the child more than the other. "
Yes, I understood that too but DWP won't divide the payments even with 50/50
I claim and share the CB for my child with my ex |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Tax credits/child benefit etc will only pay out to one parent. The one that has the children for the bigger share. They won't enforce the claimant to share it either.
my girls say I should be gettin a small amount of the child benifit to help me feed n keep them warm when they are here but I don't wanna cause grief by asking. My ex is very money orientated it's one of the reasons we split. Most of my money goes on keeping my girls safe and secure. I left to give my girls a better life not a worse one. Xxx
at least your kids are decent, despite him. "
Thank you. All three of us have come along way in 15 months.  xxx |
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We kept it very civil without paying Solicitors (although I worked with a lot so got free advice - which I shared with him). I drafted the divorce papers & he checked & made any amendments before I sent to Court.
The kids live with me as he works away a lot & is out of school catchment.
He pays me a set amount each month into my bills account.
I provide everything the children need but he will give me more for extras like music tuition or sports fees but I will not ask for it.
If he chooses to buy them anything then that is his choice. We still sometimes go halves on big presents.
I also currently get child benefit & working tax credit towards child care for my youngest. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I share my child benefit with my ex and I also share my youngests disability allowance. Tax credits are income based and totally based on my and childcare costs therefore I don't share those. |
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He has unlimited access to the children too but in reality has them overnight once a week & for tea 1 night. He helps with drop offs & pick ups for various activities.
Whilst he may have been a rubbish husband at the end he is a great dad. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I share care of my 2 with my ex. I used to pay half the nursery fees etc, now I pay the CSA, and take care of one of the school money accounts.. Seems fair.
I have them 3 nights in 7 term time (unless she needs me to take more, which is fine), and in hols I take them 5 of 7, again subject to extra requirements. Since I work term time, it works well.. She can work, and then spend quality weekend time with them, while I use the weekend to recover.
Gives us lots of "us and them" time, and flexibility. She just went to the US for 9 days, while I took over. No hardship here! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Tax credits/child benefit etc will only pay out to one parent. The one that has the children for the bigger share. They won't enforce the claimant to share it either.
my girls say I should be gettin a small amount of the child benifit to help me feed n keep them warm when they are here but I don't wanna cause grief by asking. My ex is very money orientated it's one of the reasons we split. Most of my money goes on keeping my girls safe and secure. I left to give my girls a better life not a worse one. Xxx
at least your kids are decent, despite him.
Thank you. All three of us have come along way in 15 months. xxx"
i was surpised to see how long you;d been single on another topic, doesn't seem like 2 mins ago since you left him.
but yeah you should be proud. |
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