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You know your a swinger when...
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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1. You know most of your friends’ names only as couples (Rich and Joy, Frank and Jen) but you don’t know their last names
2. You had already seen pictures of your friends naked before you ever met them in person
3. You can’t remember the last time you had pubic hair.
4. Your sex toy collection costs more than your china set.
5. Your hot tub has never had a bathing suit worn in it.
6. You carry lube as often as lipstick
7. The term Vanilla isn’t just a flavor to you anymore.
8. You have a full-length mirror in your bedroom… On your ceiling.
9. You frequently use the term “Friends of friends” when explaining how you know certain people
10. You’re constantly afraid that visiting relatives will pop-in one of your home videos that you forgot to hide
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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The first thing you do checking into a hotel is to ask for a lot of extra towels.
Making it an early night means getting home before 3 a.m.
You’ve handed out business cards to people, but the cards have nothing to do with your occupation.
Your sexual fantasies never last very long… Because they keep coming true!
You erase your computer’s browser history and cache every time you leave your office.
You buy lap dances for your wife… And vice versa.
You own a double-headed dildo.
You’re still smiling on Monday morning about something you did on Saturday night.
You’re at the supermarket, and the only things in your basket are condoms, breath mints and Red Bull.
On holiday you set aside time to stage a bunch of photos that are acceptable to show to your family. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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After 25 years, people still ask if you’re newlyweds.
You’ve had sex with more people since you’ve been married than you did when you were single.
Going to vanilla bars ranks right up there with a root canal.
The only time you go out with your vanilla friends is when you’re on your period. (sorry gents lol)
Your husband has lipstick on his collar and he smells like another woman’s perfume and it brings a smile to your face.
On Monday morning you are glad to go back to work so you can get some rest.
You spend the whole week before your parents arrive calling all you friends telling them not to call your answering machine while your parents are in town.
You get really tired of not making it to McDonald’s before they quit serving breakfast Sunday morning (on your way home).
You have an entire external hard-drive devoted to nothing but your party photos.
You spouse is having an orgasm, while you are busy in the other room discussing the stock market.
You spent twice as long on your online profile than you did on your CV |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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you go to pull out your purse to pay for fuel and a dildo comes out with it
you put the car into the garage to get fixed and once home remember the floggers and paddles are still in the boot
you give a friend a lift home from work but have to go and check theres no lube and condoms left in the door pockets |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"ah knockers how true is all that, luv it. well done girl xxxxxx"
sadly i didnt come up with these.. i googled haha
just thought id share what made me smile  |
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Love this
You are over the age of 12,but you meet people to play.
You have to remember not to refer to swinging mates by their user names to your nilla friends.
You have more club membership card than shop loyalty cards
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the taxi driver asks if you have been to AnG's latly when your sat next to your mum and sister!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
when you spend 5 times more time on your lady bits that you do washing your hair.
or when you stand in a lift asking your over and over if that man were in the club I went to and wondering how big his cock was.
or standing in a supper-market thinking you would love to see your hubby with the girl in-front. |
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"When the plumber comes to fix something and you've forgotten to put the toys drying on the side away
"
ha ha ha I did that! my boiler is in my bedroom and the plubmer came in and I didn't see the but plug stuck on the side of my bedside cabinat, I also sent a picture to facebook with it in the background  |
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when you have to make notes on who turned you down and whos up for a meet.
when you have to use your microsoft calender to keep a track of your swing dates.. so as not to double book...
when your discussing buying new clothes with your other half and you refer to playing clothes and normal clothes.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"When the plumber comes to fix something and you've forgotten to put the toys drying on the side away
ha ha ha I did that! my boiler is in my bedroom and the plubmer came in and I didn't see the but plug stuck on the side of my bedside cabinat, I also sent a picture to facebook with it in the background "
reminds me of it every time bless him |
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"you chuckle at a recieved text but cannot explain why to the friend thats with you"
lol!!! yes definately this one!! hubby just looks at me and says ''the lines are buzzing!!'' though when they say it at bingo im sire my mim wonders why it makes me smile so much!!!!! |
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"When you and your other half can sit people watching in town and discuss openly in public who you would and wouldn't fuck.
"
lol we do this all the time... i am always pointing out the nice tits on a woman to my man, and he will point out a nice butt on a bloke  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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When you walk into a pub/restaurant and everyone turns to look at you, but after 97% have looked away, 3% continue to look and you both realise you know each other from somewhere ! |
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"you have your clothes and undies divided to meet and non meet . 
"
So true! 
And I've lost count of the amount of times I've pulled condoms out of my purse or pocket And I once took some clover nipple clamps out of my pocket at preschool instead of my carkeys.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"damn, that was like a tick sheet of my life since I started all of this lol
More like a fraction of it from the stories you've told me I reckon mate. "
lol and I kept the really juicy stories... the one about the nun, the 2 rabbits and the spider monkey is a cracker! |
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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"1. You know most of your friends’ names only as couples (Rich and Joy, Frank and Jen) but you don’t know their last names
2. You had already seen pictures of your friends naked before you ever met them in person
3. You can’t remember the last time you had pubic hair.
4. Your sex toy collection costs more than your china set.
5. Your hot tub has never had a bathing suit worn in it.
6. You carry lube as often as lipstick
7. The term Vanilla isn’t just a flavor to you anymore.
8. You have a full-length mirror in your bedroom… On your ceiling.
9. You frequently use the term “Friends of friends” when explaining how you know certain people
10. You’re constantly afraid that visiting relatives will pop-in one of your home videos that you forgot to hide
"
That is so awesome, funny... and so true... |
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By *mumaWoman
over a year ago
Livingston |
"When you are stuck in traffic on your way to Chams, you play I Spy the Swinger 
lol! I forgot to check around Chams to see if any of them were actually there in the end! "
lucky you, we have a motorway swinger stalker!!!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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you watch the Addams family and you realise thatthey are the only couple you know of where your sex life is vanilla compared to theirs
"Leather straps and red hot pokers ... later my darling!!" xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You go underwear shopping with a friend from fab and u quite happily prance around out of the Ann Summers changing room in your soon to be new skimpy lingerie for their opinion .... Swiftly followed but the comment ... I'd fuck you xx |
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When you tell your mother you got a bargain on ebay and she says you will have to show her, then you got to work out a reason why you would be wearing a dress that just covers your arse and has the tits hanging out |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"When you are stuck in traffic on your way to Chams, you play I Spy the Swinger
Love this one honey x"
Thank you but its what we actually did as there was an accident and we were stuck for half an hour  |
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