FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Does being a little pushy work?
Does being a little pushy work?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Now I've never gone for the hard sell when messaging anyone, but I've noticed a few guys who have messaged us on our couples profile and even the Mrs profile have been very pushy. These same guys have managed to meet couples or ladies who I've messaged and not had a response from or just deleted the message.
My messages are always tailored to the profile and gives a brief introduction to who I am, what I'm looking for etc.
The guys that have messaged our couples profile and the Mrs have been one liners and you can guess what the usual one liners are, I'm thinking do these women/couples prefer the pushy or more assertive guys to me being too laid back and just trying to start a general conversation?
I know I'll get the some so some don't replies but wondered if guys being a little pushy helps instead of just trying to spark a conversation off, maybe my profile needs a little work?
What are your thoughts peeps? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It all depends on person. We hate even the slightest hint of pushyness just comes across that you are rude and feel like you are entitled to have a meet with us. It puts us off severely. We prefer casual chat, and people being friendly. Hate people who double message when we don't read their first one, just comes across as desperate. And hate guys who just go want a fuck or something as blunt as that. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I've never sent a second message after the first one, if I don't get a response then I take it as a no thanks, but what you've described is what we get on the couples profile. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Now I've never gone for the hard sell when messaging anyone, but I've noticed a few guys who have messaged us on our couples profile and even the Mrs profile have been very pushy. These same guys have managed to meet couples or ladies who I've messaged and not had a response from or just deleted the message.
My messages are always tailored to the profile and gives a brief introduction to who I am, what I'm looking for etc.
The guys that have messaged our couples profile and the Mrs have been one liners and you can guess what the usual one liners are, I'm thinking do these women/couples prefer the pushy or more assertive guys to me being too laid back and just trying to start a general conversation?
I know I'll get the some so some don't replies but wondered if guys being a little pushy helps instead of just trying to spark a conversation off, maybe my profile needs a little work?
What are your thoughts peeps?"
I have also had these thoughts over the last few months. I try to avoid certain photos of my appendage, yet these seem popular on the 'hot' male photos list.
I always come to the conclusion that I should be who I am because I like meeting people who like me. Not someone I'm pretending to be. Plus I will likely forget at some point that I'm playing a character.
Maybe a little research is in order  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Usually we don't read messages until we are both at home so they all stay on unread, but yet people still send us second messages. Just comes across as desperate to be honest. I find pushyness rude and annoying |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Usually we don't read messages until we are both at home so they all stay on unread, but yet people still send us second messages. Just comes across as desperate to be honest. I find pushyness rude and annoying"
Can only think these other guys changed their approach, I can't do pushy, it's just not in my nature  |
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Direct mail and other spam type operations are used because somehow, for some people, they gain results. I assume that FAF requests work sometimes. But unless all single guys are connected and pooling their results, they'll never know if it's a total failure or does pull off some sex, some of the time.
I think it's worthwhile being experimental with your own techniques, as well as your life - so that you can potentially improve your levels of satisfaction. What we've not tried, we're not experts at really knowing how it would work.
As for 'pushiness' - certainly guys who make contact with people will do better than those who don't. Whether they're pushy is going to be perceived by the recipients. We're all different but I'm guessing that FAF messages get close to 1% success: I may be wildly out there.
If someone is confident and just happens to message, whether intuitively or otherwise, with a message that does it for the recipient, then that's all that it may take. Some people say they don't message people out of their 'league', others have different restrictions. I think it's right just to be respectful and explore approaches, to see what works for ourselves, with the types of people that we contact. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It depends on what you mean by slightly pushy.
If a guy matches what I'm looking for, attaches a face pic, and I find him attractive then a little pushiness wouldn't stop me from meeting him. But again, it all depends on what we mean by a little pushy. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"It depends on what you mean by slightly pushy.
If a guy matches what I'm looking for, attaches a face pic, and I find him attractive then a little pushiness wouldn't stop me from meeting him. But again, it all depends on what we mean by a little pushy. "
Asking, can we meet, when are we gunna meet, I'm free at such a time will you meet me? Those type of questions.
They're the questions I never ask when making first contact. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It all depends on person. We hate even the slightest hint of pushyness just comes across that you are rude and feel like you are entitled to have a meet with us. It puts us off severely. We prefer casual chat, and people being friendly. Hate people who double message when we don't read their first one, just comes across as desperate. And hate guys who just go want a fuck or something as blunt as that."
Same.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Anyone who is pushy we tell them.. just find it irritating. We will meet when we want not because you say so... and just because you keep asking it isn't going to change our answer |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A bit is good. It's better than the wishy washy "let me know when you're free" messages which i just tend to forget about.
I'd much rather someone be more direct and say "would you like to meet and if so when are you free? " |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It depends on what you mean by slightly pushy.
If a guy matches what I'm looking for, attaches a face pic, and I find him attractive then a little pushiness wouldn't stop me from meeting him. But again, it all depends on what we mean by a little pushy.
Asking, can we meet, when are we gunna meet, I'm free at such a time will you meet me? Those type of questions.
They're the questions I never ask when making first contact."
Ah. I see. No, that type of message wouldn't put me off if I found the guy attractive. I'd steer the conversation into a more casual subject, but it wouldn't be a straight up no. There are conversation styles that completely turn me off, but I guess a little pushy isn't one of them.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It depends on what you mean by slightly pushy.
If a guy matches what I'm looking for, attaches a face pic, and I find him attractive then a little pushiness wouldn't stop me from meeting him. But again, it all depends on what we mean by a little pushy.
Asking, can we meet, when are we gunna meet, I'm free at such a time will you meet me? Those type of questions.
They're the questions I never ask when making first contact."
Yes that is being pushy.
The best one we had was 'do you guys actually meet' as if guilting us into meeting by accusing us or being fake/time wasters would work.
The flip side is that we don't like endless chatting, if people want to meet us say so. Confidence is attractive. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I think those messages aren't too pushy but when they constantly ask that thats when it becomes pushy and annoying"
Maybe I need to be a little more assertive then? But not agressive of course. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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yes completely agree. people who constantly chat with you without asking about meets annoy me quite a bit. Or people who wont leave you alone even when asked |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Redhead says that I'm far too easy going when I message people and that I need to be more forthright, I think there's a thin line though between that and pushy, and one persons pushy is another persons direct. It also helps if you're hot or female
Beard |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Redhead says that I'm far too easy going when I message people and that I need to be more forthright, I think there's a thin line though between that and pushy, and one persons pushy is another persons direct. It also helps if you're hot or female
Beard"
Well I'm neither so guess I'm fooked  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Redhead says that I'm far too easy going when I message people and that I need to be more forthright, I think there's a thin line though between that and pushy, and one persons pushy is another persons direct. It also helps if you're hot or female
Beard
Well I'm neither so guess I'm fooked "
That was my point
Beard |
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By *GHertsCouple
over a year ago
North Herts |
I guess there's a difference between being pushy and being assertive, it's just finding the right balance between the two.
The other factor which might come into play is peoples profiles, a short and pushy message from someone with a decent profile might garner success where a non-pushy message with a rubbish profile won't (not that I'm saying yours is either OP, haven't even looked). Just another thought though.
Mr G
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