FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Can someone rescue me?!
Can someone rescue me?!
Jump to: Newest in thread
 |
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
A giant bloody spider just abseiled from my ceiling right next to me whilst I'm lying in bed.
My dog is useless, fast asleep on the end of my bed, I woke him to see if he would eat it  but he huffed off and went back to sleep.
Now said spider is on the floor next to my bed and I can't sleep with it there. *cry*
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Okay to have 2 choices.
1. Woman up & catch it with the ole cup & paper method or 2. splat it.
Personally I'd for no 1 & I am shit scared of them. Top tip use a plastic cup & chuck the whole lot outta the window.
Good luck.
 |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I shall bring my dog. He just ate a huge moth at my bidding. "
Sigh. Can he have a word with mine? He's cute but useless. Just looked at me and clearly couldn't be arsed to rescue me at all! (Wo)mans best friend....pffft!  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Man up.
It's only a spider.
None of them are poisonous in the UK. It'll probs just scuttle off but if you're that excised use a slipper or rolled up newspaper to solve your problem permanently. "
If it had stayed on the wall/ceiling, it would have been fine. It's the sudden movement that freaks me out.:/ |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"3. Turn off the light and hope it will crawl away
And funny fact...average human eats 12 spiders in his lifetime during sleep "
Well I've been reliably informed that this isn't true.
But have you seen the meme on facestalk about spiders rubbing their willy on your face in the night?! I'm concerned that this is a real risk right now! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"3. Turn off the light and hope it will crawl away
And funny fact...average human eats 12 spiders in his lifetime during sleep "
That's all lies!
OP you'll be fine, if you're still scared then put something over it and get your dog to eat it in the morning.
Beard |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"3. Turn off the light and hope it will crawl away
And funny fact...average human eats 12 spiders in his lifetime during sleep
Well I've been reliably informed that this isn't true.
But have you seen the meme on facestalk about spiders rubbing their willy on your face in the night?! I'm concerned that this is a real risk right now! "
Is that good for your skin? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"3. Turn off the light and hope it will crawl away
And funny fact...average human eats 12 spiders in his lifetime during sleep
That's all lies!
OP you'll be fine, if you're still scared then put something over it and get your dog to eat it in the morning.
Beard"
I live in an old house. I've got visions of upside down glasses all over the floor every night whilst my lazy ass dog sleeps through my spider infestation! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Not the best thing to read as I'm about to head to bed........now,do I need to get some pro plus to keep my dog awake and on guard!? ;-P lol.
Hope you catch it soon x.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"3. Turn off the light and hope it will crawl away
And funny fact...average human eats 12 spiders in his lifetime during sleep
Well I've been reliably informed that this isn't true.
But have you seen the meme on facestalk about spiders rubbing their willy on your face in the night?! I'm concerned that this is a real risk right now!
Is that good for your skin? "
Lmao! Next time a guy pesters me about a facial, I'll remind him he could have convinced me by telling me it's good for my skin |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"3. Turn off the light and hope it will crawl away
And funny fact...average human eats 12 spiders in his lifetime during sleep
Well I've been reliably informed that this isn't true.
But have you seen the meme on facestalk about spiders rubbing their willy on your face in the night?! I'm concerned that this is a real risk right now!
Is that good for your skin?
Lmao! Next time a guy pesters me about a facial, I'll remind him he could have convinced me by telling me it's good for my skin "
Can't believe that nobody tries that...it's pure gold even the spider likes it |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ost SockMan
over a year ago
West Wales and Cardiff |
"If I'd read this earlier then I could have got my son to pop round and assist..... he's currently being a drain on my resources at Chester uni  "
I suspect he'd be "draining his resources" after getting home from helping the OP  .
Sorry, that's a crude, crap pun and it doesn't help with your predicament at all.
It's no use for now, but buy one of those spider/bug catcher things - incredibly cheap, good investment.
Right, I'm off as I've developed a bizarre jealous hatred of a dog  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Just for the record the person posting about british spiders not being poisonous all native British spiders kill there prey with venom ie poisoning either they are too small to bite through human skin or its insufficient to cause serious harm.... |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Yes but IS it a British spider or did it come from abroad in a crate of bananas, have you been to the supermarket lately OP, maybe it got in your bag and hitched a lift home to terrorize you in your boudoir XXX |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"3. Turn off the light and hope it will crawl away
And funny fact...average human eats 12 spiders in his lifetime during sleep
Well I've been reliably informed that this isn't true.
But have you seen the meme on facestalk about spiders rubbing their willy on your face in the night?! I'm concerned that this is a real risk right now! "
Just call me spider....  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Apparently it's the male spiders that this time of year are a wandering looking for a mate.. even single guy spiders have it tough.. "
And then the bitch eats them after they have sex. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Did you make it through the night? "
*A few thousand horny souls wait with baited breath on Kiannas well being*
It's like waiting for news about the pope!
Beard |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Did you make it through the night? "
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=pA5MekKYJVM
OP: The best way to teach them not to surprise you, is to repeatedly pound them into the carpet using the heal of your largest shoe.
They never do it again.
Mr ddc |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Did you make it through the night?
*A few thousand horny souls wait with baited breath on Kiannas well being*
It's like waiting for news about the pope!
Beard"
Well why didn't you hot foot it over there and rescue the maiden then? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"You'll all be glad to know I've survived the night. Spider is now sat smugly on the skirting board near my bed. Blah"
Phew, incey wincey didn't eat you then? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"3. Turn off the light and hope it will crawl away
And funny fact...average human eats 12 spiders in his lifetime during sleep
Well I've been reliably informed that this isn't true.
But have you seen the meme on facestalk about spiders rubbing their willy on your face in the night?! I'm concerned that this is a real risk right now!
Is that good for your skin?
Lmao! Next time a guy pesters me about a facial, I'll remind him he could have convinced me by telling me it's good for my skin "
Only if the said guy is Spider-Man! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *r TriomanMan
over a year ago
Chippenham Malmesbury area |
Pick it up, put it in your mouth and swallow it, warning though, it'll wriggle and tickle inside you and, you'll then have to swallow a bird to eat the spider, I know it sounds obsurd to swallow a bird but that's what you'll have to do but then youre going to have to swallow a cat to eat bird, I know, fancy that, and then you'll have to swallow... see if you can guess - clue, your pet isn't going to like the answer to this. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Did you make it through the night?
*A few thousand horny souls wait with baited breath on Kiannas well being*
It's like waiting for news about the pope!
Beard
Well why didn't you hot foot it over there and rescue the maiden then? "
My white charger is in for a service and my armour needs polishing |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"You'll all be glad to know I've survived the night. Spider is now sat smugly on the skirting board near my bed. Blah"
Where are the party popper emojis? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"A giant bloody spider just abseiled from my ceiling right next to me whilst I'm lying in bed.
My dog is useless, fast asleep on the end of my bed, I woke him to see if he would eat it but he huffed off and went back to sleep.
Now said spider is on the floor next to my bed and I can't sleep with it there. *cry*
"
i would hapilly come and remove it for you |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"You'll all be glad to know I've survived the night. Spider is now sat smugly on the skirting board near my bed. Blah
Where are the party popper emojis? "
Well...it's hardly a celebration, spider is still in my room. However, the cleaner comes this morning so I'll get her on it |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Nobody offered to go and help. The best was - 'I'll get my dog to do it!'
My time to shine.
Pm me your address, I'll come and sort that big scary spider out for you. Pick it up, put it outside.
Lucky spider, it would be fun being in your room, I just wish I had 8 arms as well. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"You'll all be glad to know I've survived the night. Spider is now sat smugly on the skirting board near my bed. Blah
Where are the party popper emojis?
Well...it's hardly a celebration, spider is still in my room. However, the cleaner comes this morning so I'll get her on it "
Surely you must have something long you can smash it with? Mop? Newapaper? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"You'll all be glad to know I've survived the night. Spider is now sat smugly on the skirting board near my bed. Blah
Where are the party popper emojis?
Well...it's hardly a celebration, spider is still in my room. However, the cleaner comes this morning so I'll get her on it
Surely you must have something long you can smash it with? Mop? Newapaper?"
It's when it moves that I start flapping tho. I'm not brave enough. The cleaner has rehomed it outside |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"You'll all be glad to know I've survived the night. Spider is now sat smugly on the skirting board near my bed. Blah
Where are the party popper emojis?
Well...it's hardly a celebration, spider is still in my room. However, the cleaner comes this morning so I'll get her on it
Surely you must have something long you can smash it with? Mop? Newapaper?
It's when it moves that I start flapping tho. I'm not brave enough. The cleaner has rehomed it outside "
Result!! Problem solved unless he had mates |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"You'll all be glad to know I've survived the night. Spider is now sat smugly on the skirting board near my bed. Blah
Where are the party popper emojis?
Well...it's hardly a celebration, spider is still in my room. However, the cleaner comes this morning so I'll get her on it
Surely you must have something long you can smash it with? Mop? Newapaper?
It's when it moves that I start flapping tho. I'm not brave enough. The cleaner has rehomed it outside
Result!! Problem solved unless he had mates "
You and I are going to fall out..!! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"You'll all be glad to know I've survived the night. Spider is now sat smugly on the skirting board near my bed. Blah
Where are the party popper emojis?
Well...it's hardly a celebration, spider is still in my room. However, the cleaner comes this morning so I'll get her on it
Surely you must have something long you can smash it with? Mop? Newapaper?
It's when it moves that I start flapping tho. I'm not brave enough. The cleaner has rehomed it outside
Result!! Problem solved unless he had mates
You and I are going to fall out..!! "
This happened to me the other night, luckily Luba is a well trained spider catcher! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"You'll all be glad to know I've survived the night. Spider is now sat smugly on the skirting board near my bed. Blah
Where are the party popper emojis?
Well...it's hardly a celebration, spider is still in my room. However, the cleaner comes this morning so I'll get her on it
Surely you must have something long you can smash it with? Mop? Newapaper?
It's when it moves that I start flapping tho. I'm not brave enough. The cleaner has rehomed it outside
Result!! Problem solved unless he had mates
You and I are going to fall out..!! "
Oops! Sorry. I'm sure you'll be fine |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"You'll all be glad to know I've survived the night. Spider is now sat smugly on the skirting board near my bed. Blah
Where are the party popper emojis?
Well...it's hardly a celebration, spider is still in my room. However, the cleaner comes this morning so I'll get her on it
Surely you must have something long you can smash it with? Mop? Newapaper?
It's when it moves that I start flapping tho. I'm not brave enough. The cleaner has rehomed it outside
Result!! Problem solved unless he had mates
You and I are going to fall out..!!
This happened to me the other night, luckily Luba is a well trained spider catcher! "
Yeh, my mutt needs some lessons... |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Get the slipper out lmao don't see why girls are afraid of spiders though they're nothing lol "
Ita the sudden movement I dislike. Same with rodents, I've had mice as pets as a kid, no problem. But one running across the floor would shit me up! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Just use the vaccum.
That was downstairs and I was pinned to the bed with fear 
It's ok tho, because my cleaner has saved the day
How very upmarket "
Well I couldn't ask the butler, I've given him the weekend off |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Get the slipper out lmao don't see why girls are afraid of spiders though they're nothing lol
Ita the sudden movement I dislike. Same with rodents, I've had mice as pets as a kid, no problem. But one running across the floor would shit me up! "
Yeah bet it does they do go fast must admit lol I'd just squish it though once had a spider on my face before went through a web when I was a kid and the spider crawled on top of my head right down to my face just flicked it off and squished it lol |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Just use the vaccum.
That was downstairs and I was pinned to the bed with fear
It's ok tho, because my cleaner has saved the day
How very upmarket
Well I couldn't ask the butler, I've given him the weekend off"
How the other half live  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
There was a feckin mahuusive beast of a spider here just the other day.
It was that big the rolled up Daily Mirror I was hitting it with just wasn't having any effect. I ended up jumping on it's hairy back and it took me crashing into the utility room. Luckily there was an ironing board in there so I ended up slaying it with that.
I was patched up at my local A+E for some minor injuries.
I never used to be scared of spiders but I am now. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"There was a feckin mahuusive beast of a spider here just the other day.
It was that big the rolled up Daily Mirror I was hitting it with just wasn't having any effect. I ended up jumping on it's hairy back and it took me crashing into the utility room. Luckily there was an ironing board in there so I ended up slaying it with that.
I was patched up at my local A+E for some minor injuries.
I never used to be scared of spiders but I am now."
You got lucky. The spider I had the other day was chasing me with the yellow pages |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"There was a feckin mahuusive beast of a spider here just the other day.
It was that big the rolled up Daily Mirror I was hitting it with just wasn't having any effect. I ended up jumping on it's hairy back and it took me crashing into the utility room. Luckily there was an ironing board in there so I ended up slaying it with that.
I was patched up at my local A+E for some minor injuries.
I never used to be scared of spiders but I am now.
You got lucky. The spider I had the other day was chasing me with the yellow pages "
Spiders very rarely go in the offensive, even less so with a weapon so I'm kinda questioning your credibility. You sure it just wasn't some bad acid?  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"There was a feckin mahuusive beast of a spider here just the other day.
It was that big the rolled up Daily Mirror I was hitting it with just wasn't having any effect. I ended up jumping on it's hairy back and it took me crashing into the utility room. Luckily there was an ironing board in there so I ended up slaying it with that.
I was patched up at my local A+E for some minor injuries.
I never used to be scared of spiders but I am now.
You got lucky. The spider I had the other day was chasing me with the yellow pages
Spiders very rarely go in the offensive, even less so with a weapon so I'm kinda questioning your credibility. You sure it just wasn't some bad acid? "
Nope definitely real. It was the same night I watched Chamber of Secrets. Oh. It may have been a nightmare |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Its surpriseing how many types of spiders there are thou most are out doors there are a few money spiders about presently they suppose to give you good luck, and a garden spider in the garage with a web twice the size of a dinner plate. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
» Add a new message to this topic
spider assassin kitties.
Costs a cuppa and a biccy
