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What a waste of a woman
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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So at work today was writing up an invoice for a lovely older couple. .
The older woman said I " no wedding ring"
I instantly felt really embarrassed, I went red from my chest all the way up my neck and I could feel my face go beetroot !!
I felt really awkward and commented something like I was married but not now
The older lady the patted me on the hand and said " what a waste of a woman"
I know she was being complimentary when she said that...
But fuck she has made me feel like shit :-/ |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I get that quite often. Doesn't really bother me, just surprised how many people feel I am missing something/to be pitied, because I am not 'with someone' |
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also the more I think about this the more I think she was incredibly rude implying that you're wasted because you're not married, negating every good thing you do...nah you're not the one who should be feeling like shit |
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You and many of us know better. She saw positive qualities in you, which is great but then replayed the mantra of her upbringing.
You find differing opinions here but it's just part of the fabric of life.
If she's touched a raw nerve somewhere inside - perhaps reflecting golden dreams you once had in the past, honour your inner beauty and tenderness. |
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" We think you have taken the comment wrongly. She meant 'you are lovely' and it was her way of saying so? 
Why is it a waste to be lovely but not married though?  "
my thoughts too. I think her words were ill chosen and if intended as a compliment its a very backhanded one. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I ONLY got married so old women wouldn't think I was a waste of womanhood. Though, they always change their minds when I tell them I'm not having kids, so maybe I should think of getting a divorce  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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" We think you have taken the comment wrongly. She meant 'you are lovely' and it was her way of saying so?
Why is it a waste to be lovely but not married though? "
Because I guess that's how it was in the 1930s lol |
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"Just someone from a different generation paying you a compliment x no reason to feel like shit"
Why is that a compliment? The OP says she was blushing and feeling embarrassed so the woman will have seen that.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Haha I get it every day... Apparently I am missing out majorly and can't live my life without a man... I need one to take care of me apparently and a life without a man is not a life...
If it wasn't my mother saying it I would have told her where to go but unfortunately i can't do that |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A woman's worth is not, and should not in 2016, be judged by her ability to be married to a man.
Don't feel embarrassed or bad. Let it go and enjoy your life, your way.
"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Society in general defers to couples. You complete me blah, blah, bollox. Going back to Greek mythology and the idea we are split from one being, with four arms, four legs and two faces. That we spend our lives looking for our other half, our "soul mate" or whatever other drivel that defines the norm. There is no right or wrong to this, some people belong together, some people are more comfortable alone. It's just part of how each person experiences their lives. You shouldn't feel bad for being single. I'd feel sorry for you if you were stuck in a loveless marriage. Maybe that women was lucky enough to have a wonderful marriage and wanted to share it. Then again, maybe she thought, "fuck it, if I'm stuck in this misery, why should she get off Scott free". Who knows but it doesn't change a single thing about your life. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just someone from a different generation paying you a compliment x no reason to feel like shit
Why is that a compliment? The OP says she was blushing and feeling embarrassed so the woman will have seen that.
"
And responded by patting her on the hand to make the 'compliment' when she saw she felt awkward by her no wedding ring statement.
Possibly misplaced, and of course none of the rest of us were there so it's purely speculation, but it sounds like an unfortunate generational faux pas from a different era rather than a malicious act |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Society in general defers to couples. You complete me blah, blah, bollox. Going back to Greek mythology and the idea we are split from one being, with four arms, four legs and two faces. That we spend our lives looking for our other half, our "soul mate" or whatever other drivel that defines the norm. There is no right or wrong to this, some people belong together, some people are more comfortable alone. It's just part of how each person experiences their lives. You shouldn't feel bad for being single. I'd feel sorry for you if you were stuck in a loveless marriage. Maybe that women was lucky enough to have a wonderful marriage and wanted to share it. Then again, maybe she thought, "fuck it, if I'm stuck in this misery, why should she get off Scott free". Who knows but it doesn't change a single thing about your life. "
It's even worse about parents. The latest pissing me off today being the Nationwide advert. You're considered basically worthless if you're childless (as a woman, probably not so bad for blokes). |
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By *igSuki81Man
over a year ago
Retirement Village |
I maybe interpreting the OP's post wrong but is this a generational thing  As in the old lady thought she was being polite and complimemtary just her way of saying it.
OP there's nowt wrong with being single at any age and you are not a waste. Dont let it get you down  |
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By *imiUKMan
over a year ago
Hereford |
"I think the lady was paying u a compliment as saying how beautiful you are.
I honestly don't feel that effectively telling someone their life is being wasted is a compliment."
She wasn't - she was saying that any man would be lucky to have her as a wife.
It's still outdated, but it's complimentary. It's the kind of thing my gran would have said. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Society in general defers to couples. You complete me blah, blah, bollox. Going back to Greek mythology and the idea we are split from one being, with four arms, four legs and two faces. That we spend our lives looking for our other half, our "soul mate" or whatever other drivel that defines the norm. There is no right or wrong to this, some people belong together, some people are more comfortable alone. It's just part of how each person experiences their lives. You shouldn't feel bad for being single. I'd feel sorry for you if you were stuck in a loveless marriage. Maybe that women was lucky enough to have a wonderful marriage and wanted to share it. Then again, maybe she thought, "fuck it, if I'm stuck in this misery, why should she get off Scott free". Who knows but it doesn't change a single thing about your life.
It's even worse about parents. The latest pissing me off today being the Nationwide advert. You're considered basically worthless if you're childless (as a woman, probably not so bad for blokes). "
Well in fairness, it's your duty to grow more consumers. Oh it's also your duty to work full time as well. Let's not forget being a good wife and I'm sure there's a few more I'm forgetting. There's a reason I don't consume mass media anymore, it would leave you feeling rather shit about yourself. |
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"I think the lady was paying u a compliment as saying how beautiful you are.
I honestly don't feel that effectively telling someone their life is being wasted is a compliment.
She wasn't - she was saying that any man would be lucky to have her as a wife.
It's still outdated, but it's complimentary. It's the kind of thing my gran would have said. "
was she? |
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"Society in general defers to couples. You complete me blah, blah, bollox. Going back to Greek mythology and the idea we are split from one being, with four arms, four legs and two faces. That we spend our lives looking for our other half, our "soul mate" or whatever other drivel that defines the norm. There is no right or wrong to this, some people belong together, some people are more comfortable alone. It's just part of how each person experiences their lives. You shouldn't feel bad for being single. I'd feel sorry for you if you were stuck in a loveless marriage. Maybe that women was lucky enough to have a wonderful marriage and wanted to share it. Then again, maybe she thought, "fuck it, if I'm stuck in this misery, why should she get off Scott free". Who knows but it doesn't change a single thing about your life.
It's even worse about parents. The latest pissing me off today being the Nationwide advert. You're considered basically worthless if you're childless (as a woman, probably not so bad for blokes). "
I haven't seen that one. AWOC tries to raise the story of positive living without children.
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By *imiUKMan
over a year ago
Hereford |
"I think the lady was paying u a compliment as saying how beautiful you are.
I honestly don't feel that effectively telling someone their life is being wasted is a compliment.
She wasn't - she was saying that any man would be lucky to have her as a wife.
It's still outdated, but it's complimentary. It's the kind of thing my gran would have said.
was she? "
Yes! The notion is that she was "wasted" because she would clearly have made a lovely wife etc and her man let her go/nobody has boyfriended her since.
Like I said, the notion is patriachal, but the sentiment is complimentary. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think the lady was paying u a compliment as saying how beautiful you are.
I honestly don't feel that effectively telling someone their life is being wasted is a compliment.
She wasn't - she was saying that any man would be lucky to have her as a wife.
It's still outdated, but it's complimentary. It's the kind of thing my gran would have said.
was she? "
I would very much imagine she was trying to tell the OP that she's very attractive. It's just not a nice way of doing it. We have value in and of ourselves, but society mainly through the media, minimize that value. The lady probably is from a completely different generation and just doesn't understand herself anymore as an individual, so projects that outwards. |
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Its just the sort of thing an old person would say.
When you say older im guessing you dont mean 50.
Its a generation thing.
Ive not had a ring on my finger for over 20 years. Sounds like she hit a nerve without realizing |
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"I think the lady was paying u a compliment as saying how beautiful you are.
I honestly don't feel that effectively telling someone their life is being wasted is a compliment.
She wasn't - she was saying that any man would be lucky to have her as a wife.
It's still outdated, but it's complimentary. It's the kind of thing my gran would have said.
was she?
I would very much imagine she was trying to tell the OP that she's very attractive. It's just not a nice way of doing it. We have value in and of ourselves, but society mainly through the media, minimize that value. The lady probably is from a completely different generation and just doesn't understand herself anymore as an individual, so projects that outwards. "
as I said earlier my mum (82 married 61 years) thinks along these lines but I don't know that she would tell someone that. Maybe I'm being harsh but just because somebody is old doesn't make them incapable of insult. |
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By *yldstyleWoman
over a year ago
A world of my own |
Media sucks..
Im the runt of society in the eyes of our media. I had my first child at 17. I'm a single mother. Im divorced therefore my boys must all have different dads. I work full time and refuse to join the PTA at school. I don't feed my children purely organic. I do think its okay to have a MacDonalds drive through in our pjs on a Sunday because I'm too tired to cook. And we spent the day watching movies. Im a size 18 and I dont want to wear some sort of multicolored tent thing..(its what a lot of plus size clothing seems to resemble) Oh and God forbid I actually have sex! I must be a complete slapper!
Op I think it was a badly worded compliment. I know sometimes these things can haunt our thoughts but try not to dwell on it.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think the lady was paying u a compliment as saying how beautiful you are.
I honestly don't feel that effectively telling someone their life is being wasted is a compliment.
She wasn't - she was saying that any man would be lucky to have her as a wife.
It's still outdated, but it's complimentary. It's the kind of thing my gran would have said.
was she?
I would very much imagine she was trying to tell the OP that she's very attractive. It's just not a nice way of doing it. We have value in and of ourselves, but society mainly through the media, minimize that value. The lady probably is from a completely different generation and just doesn't understand herself anymore as an individual, so projects that outwards.
as I said earlier my mum (82 married 61 years) thinks along these lines but I don't know that she would tell someone that. Maybe I'm being harsh but just because somebody is old doesn't make them incapable of insult."
I think you have to take in the context. I really don't think an insult was intended and that would be the difference.
However the OP feeling shit is the real issue here, she shouldn't feel that way. Though as I said, that's a societal issue. A pressure that's brought to bear on the OP by far more than a one off comment, or it wouldn't impact in that way. People need to be able to feel comfortable as an individual and society should nurture that. |
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"I think the lady was paying u a compliment as saying how beautiful you are.
I honestly don't feel that effectively telling someone their life is being wasted is a compliment.
She wasn't - she was saying that any man would be lucky to have her as a wife.
It's still outdated, but it's complimentary. It's the kind of thing my gran would have said.
was she?
I would very much imagine she was trying to tell the OP that she's very attractive. It's just not a nice way of doing it. We have value in and of ourselves, but society mainly through the media, minimize that value. The lady probably is from a completely different generation and just doesn't understand herself anymore as an individual, so projects that outwards.
as I said earlier my mum (82 married 61 years) thinks along these lines but I don't know that she would tell someone that. Maybe I'm being harsh but just because somebody is old doesn't make them incapable of insult.
I think you have to take in the context. I really don't think an insult was intended and that would be the difference.
However the OP feeling shit is the real issue here, she shouldn't feel that way. Though as I said, that's a societal issue. A pressure that's brought to bear on the OP by far more than a one off comment, or it wouldn't impact in that way. People need to be able to feel comfortable as an individual and society should nurture that. "
yes I agree but I think its also a question of interpretation as well as context and clearly I'm interpreting it differently to others . When it comes down to it none of us know what the elderly lady really meant |
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By *aisyDDWoman
over a year ago
North West |
It's made me laugh about the poor bloke I saw in b&q today. His wife was playing hell cos she'd been looking round the shop for him and got someone to help her. Poor fella was dragging himself down an aisle so I gave him a sympathetic smile as I passed and felt glad to be single. Saw him in the next shop dragging behind again so we smiled at each other again. Don't feel bad for not being married. It's so not all its cracked up to be x |
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"I think the lady was paying u a compliment as saying how beautiful you are.
I honestly don't feel that effectively telling someone their life is being wasted is a compliment.
She wasn't - she was saying that any man would be lucky to have her as a wife.
It's still outdated, but it's complimentary. It's the kind of thing my gran would have said.
was she?
I would very much imagine she was trying to tell the OP that she's very attractive. It's just not a nice way of doing it. We have value in and of ourselves, but society mainly through the media, minimize that value. The lady probably is from a completely different generation and just doesn't understand herself anymore as an individual, so projects that outwards.
as I said earlier my mum (82 married 61 years) thinks along these lines but I don't know that she would tell someone that. Maybe I'm being harsh but just because somebody is old doesn't make them incapable of insult.
I think you have to take in the context. I really don't think an insult was intended and that would be the difference.
However the OP feeling shit is the real issue here, she shouldn't feel that way. Though as I said, that's a societal issue. A pressure that's brought to bear on the OP by far more than a one off comment, or it wouldn't impact in that way. People need to be able to feel comfortable as an individual and society should nurture that. "
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"So at work today was writing up an invoice for a lovely older couple. .
The older woman said I " no wedding ring"
I instantly felt really embarrassed, I went red from my chest all the way up my neck and I could feel my face go beetroot !!
I felt really awkward and commented something like I was married but not now
The older lady the patted me on the hand and said " what a waste of a woman"
I know she was being complimentary when she said that...
But fuck she has made me feel like shit :-/"
May I say I think she sincerely meant it as a compliment. She obviously thought you are special but her saying of it is in the ways of times past. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just wanted to chip in, I think I understand you perfectly OP, and the thread posters have utterly missed the point, yet again x"
Have they? I think most 'get it' that the OP realises it wasn't ill intentioned but it still hurt. The impression I get from this thread is that many responders appreciate the pain but are trying to rationalise why the old lady may have said it - generation gap, not thinking, misplaced compliment, whatever.
It doesn't mean they don't have empathy - certainly not in my case - I can absolutely understand that it would hurt. But I can also see that I don't think it was *meant* to be a malicious thing hence people are rationalising the old lady's behaviour. |
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Personally I think if you didn't want to be single I doubt you would have any issues in that area as you look beautiful.
As some others have said, has the comment that was made hit a nerve, not as in you are a waste but maybe that you are at the stage of life where you are looking for companionship with someone?
Just a thought on the latter point, either way as said at the start, you are a beautiful woman so whatever you are happy with in life do it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Anyone that dismissive of another is judgemental and probably narcissistic - their opinion is worthless.
Enjoy yourself and be confident that there are so many ar$=ol@! who are unworthy of any impact on your self esteem |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Frankly; if the OP " felt like shit" over a simple comment like that, then she has self confidence and self image issues of her own ; it's not the fault of the old lady. "
Agree with this,a throwaway comment could never elicit such a reaction unless the sentiment somehow resonated with the recipient's self-image. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've no idea why you didn't take it as a compliment. ...I've heard loads of older woman say phrases like that and they mean it in the nicest possible way.....it's like when the priest asked me if I was married and when I said not any more he said don't worry you have nice teeth....was actually pissin masel laughing lol x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Frankly; if the OP " felt like shit" over a simple comment like that, then she has self confidence and self image issues of her own ; it's not the fault of the old lady.
Agree with this,a throwaway comment could never elicit such a reaction unless the sentiment somehow resonated with the recipient's self-image."
And that's why it's incredibly rude to make throwaway comments like this to strangers - because you don't know what's going on in their lives and how you might make them feel as a result. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
A bit oversensitive there; and a complete lack of understanding of how different generations think;
The poor woman was giving a very nice compliment ( from her point of view)"
Agreed. The op had a choice.
Brush it off as a generational comment from a well meaning old lady.
Tell her she's a cheeky old hag and to keep her fucking opinions for people that asked for it.
Or go on a public forum and tell everyone about it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Frankly; if the OP " felt like shit" over a simple comment like that, then she has self confidence and self image issues of her own ; it's not the fault of the old lady.
Agree with this,a throwaway comment could never elicit such a reaction unless the sentiment somehow resonated with the recipient's self-image.
And that's why it's incredibly rude to make throwaway comments like this to strangers - because you don't know what's going on in their lives and how you might make them feel as a result."
Fuck sake the wee old woman thought she was being nice x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Frankly; if the OP " felt like shit" over a simple comment like that, then she has self confidence and self image issues of her own ; it's not the fault of the old lady.
Agree with this,a throwaway comment could never elicit such a reaction unless the sentiment somehow resonated with the recipient's self-image.
And that's why it's incredibly rude to make throwaway comments like this to strangers - because you don't know what's going on in their lives and how you might make them feel as a result.
Fuck sake the wee old woman thought she was being nice x"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Frankly; if the OP " felt like shit" over a simple comment like that, then she has self confidence and self image issues of her own ; it's not the fault of the old lady.
Agree with this,a throwaway comment could never elicit such a reaction unless the sentiment somehow resonated with the recipient's self-image.
And that's why it's incredibly rude to make throwaway comments like this to strangers - because you don't know what's going on in their lives and how you might make them feel as a result.
Fuck sake the wee old woman thought she was being nice x"
She might have thought she was being nice, that doesn't mean it wasn't really fucking rude. I hope this shit dies off with the older generation. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So at work today was writing up an invoice for a lovely older couple. .
The older woman said I " no wedding ring"
I instantly felt really embarrassed, I went red from my chest all the way up my neck and I could feel my face go beetroot !!
I felt really awkward and commented something like I was married but not now
The older lady the patted me on the hand and said " what a waste of a woman"
I know she was being complimentary when she said that...
But fuck she has made me feel like shit :-/"
Someone once told me - people dont make you offended, outraged or upset - you choose to have that reaction - so take back control and brush it off like the insensitive comment that it was. She might not have meant to offend and most likely didn't and would be mortified if she thought she upset you but the fault is hers for not judging how her comment might have been received.
Your worth and value are not defined by your relationship status - its by whether you have a positive effect on those around you - pretty sure you do xx |
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I think its sad that the old lady is expected to know things of this generation yet there seems to be lack of understanding that old people say those sort of things
We probably say things now that will be considered rude in future generations..
I still ask my friends kids if their courting yet
And of cause these things will die of with generations
I bet if the lady knew what reaction it caused she would be mortified |
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Lots of people seem to think they know what the old woman was thinking and what she actually meant...none of us can possibly know that but I will say that being old doesn't make you lovely or nice or less inclined to be tactless. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Frankly; if the OP " felt like shit" over a simple comment like that, then she has self confidence and self image issues of her own ; it's not the fault of the old lady.
Agree with this,a throwaway comment could never elicit such a reaction unless the sentiment somehow resonated with the recipient's self-image.
And that's why it's incredibly rude to make throwaway comments like this to strangers - because you don't know what's going on in their lives and how you might make them feel as a result.
Fuck sake the wee old woman thought she was being nice x
She might have thought she was being nice, that doesn't mean it wasn't really fucking rude. I hope this shit dies off with the older generation."
A generation where no one says anything nice anymore...I hope the fuck not x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Frankly; if the OP " felt like shit" over a simple comment like that, then she has self confidence and self image issues of her own ; it's not the fault of the old lady.
Agree with this,a throwaway comment could never elicit such a reaction unless the sentiment somehow resonated with the recipient's self-image.
And that's why it's incredibly rude to make throwaway comments like this to strangers - because you don't know what's going on in their lives and how you might make them feel as a result.
Fuck sake the wee old woman thought she was being nice x
She might have thought she was being nice, that doesn't mean it wasn't really fucking rude. I hope this shit dies off with the older generation.
A generation where no one says anything nice anymore...I hope the fuck not x"
A generation where people don't make tactless over-personal comments to strangers about things like their relationship status and whether they have children. I can't wait. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Lots of people seem to think they know what the old woman was thinking and what she actually meant...none of us can possibly know that but I will say that being old doesn't make you lovely or nice or less inclined to be tactless."
That's very true but age will be a factor in determining the culture, social upbringing and perceived 'norms' that an individual will have.
My grandparents values around acceptability were very different to mine based around the era they were brought up.
Not particularly relevant here I know and off at a slight tangent, but remember when the Black & White Minstrel show was just a piece of good old family entertainment? Unthinkable now, right?
Different era and different 'norms' altogether. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Frankly; if the OP " felt like shit" over a simple comment like that, then she has self confidence and self image issues of her own ; it's not the fault of the old lady.
Agree with this,a throwaway comment could never elicit such a reaction unless the sentiment somehow resonated with the recipient's self-image.
And that's why it's incredibly rude to make throwaway comments like this to strangers - because you don't know what's going on in their lives and how you might make them feel as a result.
Fuck sake the wee old woman thought she was being nice x
She might have thought she was being nice, that doesn't mean it wasn't really fucking rude. I hope this shit dies off with the older generation.
A generation where no one says anything nice anymore...I hope the fuck not x
A generation where people don't make tactless over-personal comments to strangers about things like their relationship status and whether they have children. I can't wait."
Nah....I'll stick with people being nice and take the compliment x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Frankly; if the OP " felt like shit" over a simple comment like that, then she has self confidence and self image issues of her own ; it's not the fault of the old lady.
Agree with this,a throwaway comment could never elicit such a reaction unless the sentiment somehow resonated with the recipient's self-image.
And that's why it's incredibly rude to make throwaway comments like this to strangers - because you don't know what's going on in their lives and how you might make them feel as a result.
Fuck sake the wee old woman thought she was being nice x
She might have thought she was being nice, that doesn't mean it wasn't really fucking rude. I hope this shit dies off with the older generation.
A generation where no one says anything nice anymore...I hope the fuck not x
A generation where people don't make tactless over-personal comments to strangers about things like their relationship status and whether they have children. I can't wait."
Ive been asked why I havent got children - i said I did have but didn't like them so swapped them for a guitar - and Im the insensitive one it did stop that conversation though x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think the lady was paying u a compliment as saying how beautiful you are.
I honestly don't feel that effectively telling someone their life is being wasted is a compliment.
She wasn't - she was saying that any man would be lucky to have her as a wife.
It's still outdated, but it's complimentary. It's the kind of thing my gran would have said. "
And it doesn't sound like it was done with malice. Jeez why do people have to cease on the negative aspects? Says alot about people that someone from a different generation can't make a compliment without people turning it into a negative. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think the lady was paying u a compliment as saying how beautiful you are.
I honestly don't feel that effectively telling someone their life is being wasted is a compliment.
She wasn't - she was saying that any man would be lucky to have her as a wife.
It's still outdated, but it's complimentary. It's the kind of thing my gran would have said.
And it doesn't sound like it was done with malice. Jeez why do people have to cease on the negative aspects? Says alot about people that someone from a different generation can't make a compliment without people turning it into a negative."
Yip give me a compliment from a wee old woman anyway x |
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By *eshzMan
over a year ago
0151 |
Hi all, I think we all agree while the intention was well meant it came across unhelpful, granted OP could be going through some personal matters or perhaps she just misunderstood the way the message was put across.
OP Don't feel "low", just tell yourself, it wasn't your loss and I think you've been hit by many guys so your confidence should be going up on this site .
This is just my personal opinion though. |
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By *mmmMaybeCouple
over a year ago
West Wales |
"It's an age thing, she was actually saying nice tits, fancy a fuck?   "
Exactly what I was going to say! Probably thought "Fuck me she's cute! If only I was back in my playing days  I know I'll pay her a compliment".
There you go OP you now have that thought instead of feeling shit, feeling better?
It was a condescending thing to say but I used to get it too from my nan, as a blunt speaker I used to just say "Fuck off nan" with a grin & she'd laugh..
S
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"Frankly; if the OP " felt like shit" over a simple comment like that, then she has self confidence and self image issues of her own ; it's not the fault of the old lady.
Agree with this,a throwaway comment could never elicit such a reaction unless the sentiment somehow resonated with the recipient's self-image."
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Something similar happens to me
I know don't you don't need to explain yourself to anyone, but when I have to say I'm widowed I think it soon reminds them to be mindful of the fact that you don't know what's going on in other people's lives and that it's quite often none of their business. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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When little old ladies see me their teeth usually fall out of their gaping mouths lol if they managed to get any words out I'm sure they'd be a lot worse lol x |
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"Lots of people seem to think they know what the old woman was thinking and what she actually meant...none of us can possibly know that but I will say that being old doesn't make you lovely or nice or less inclined to be tactless.
That's very true but age will be a factor in determining the culture, social upbringing and perceived 'norms' that an individual will have.
My grandparents values around acceptability were very different to mine based around the era they were brought up.
Not particularly relevant here I know and off at a slight tangent, but remember when the Black & White Minstrel show was just a piece of good old family entertainment? Unthinkable now, right?
Different era and different 'norms' altogether."
Yes I agree with your well made points .
I'm just sort of musing on the different possible motives behind the remark.
My parents who are both very elderly but would feel patronized to be described as "nice, little old people" have become much more likely to make remarks like this as if it's a right they've somehow earned by living a long time.
My opinion is that while there are generational differences it has always been rude to make unasked for remarks on somebody's personal circumstances and being old doesn't excuse it.
And I do remember the black and white minstrels...awful as it was. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So at work today was writing up an invoice for a lovely older couple. .
The older woman said I " no wedding ring"
I instantly felt really embarrassed, I went red from my chest all the way up my neck and I could feel my face go beetroot !!
I felt really awkward and commented something like I was married but not now
The older lady the patted me on the hand and said " what a waste of a woman"
I know she was being complimentary when she said that...
But fuck she has made me feel like shit :-/"
I'd of said...it's in cash converters ,now cough up old bitch |
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By *eshzMan
over a year ago
0151 |
"So at work today was writing up an invoice for a lovely older couple. .
The older woman said I " no wedding ring"
I instantly felt really embarrassed, I went red from my chest all the way up my neck and I could feel my face go beetroot !!
I felt really awkward and commented something like I was married but not now
The older lady the patted me on the hand and said " what a waste of a woman"
I know she was being complimentary when she said that...
But fuck she has made me feel like shit :-/
I'd of said...it's in cash converters ,now cough up old bitch "
Hahaha!!!! You're harsh!!! But it's funny!!! Hahaha!!!! |
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I agree with others that she was giving u a compliment in her own way. It's not very PC but the older generations weren't, they can say the weirdest, oddest things but they are from a time so different than ours. I love them & their opinions, habits, stories etc |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Very interesting reading through the comments on here and feel so many of us do exactly the oppositre without realising it. I wonder how others feel when we force our modern ideas on to them. Modern ideas aren't always better because they're modern....just my thoughts while reading through.
We could call by and make you feel better tomorrow though... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Very interesting reading through the comments on here and feel so many of us do exactly the oppositre without realising it. I wonder how others feel when we force our modern ideas on to them. Modern ideas aren't always better because they're modern....just my thoughts while reading through.
We could call by and make you feel better tomorrow though... "
Modern ideas like people can have value in their own right? Like a woman hasn't wasted her life if she happens not to be married? My nan was 96 when she died and she'd have told anyone to sod off who made a personal comment like this to her or a member of her family. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Something similar happens to me
I know don't you don't need to explain yourself to anyone, but when I have to say I'm widowed I think it soon reminds them to be mindful of the fact that you don't know what's going on in other people's lives and that it's quite often none of their business."
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Definitely agree that even if she thought it she should have kept her opinions to herself. She doesn't know your personal circumstances and it could be many reasons why you are single and also why you choose to remain single
Kinky  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think sometimes with age you just blurt things out , my step Gran was a nightmare for doing that in her 80's. She probably meant nothing by it , it's a bit like the family party where Aunty Ethel says :- are you courting yet dear?
I wouldn't give it another thought.
Sarah |
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