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lets have your best jokes
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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paddy walks onto the building site,
one of the lads asks him " what's that you have got there paddy "
paddy replies " my missus bought me a new flask for work "
he tells them that it has got the latest technology " it keeps hot things hot. and keeps cold things cold "
so the lads on site ask him what he has got in there???
so paddy replies " coffee and a choc ice " lol
hope you like, plenty more where that come from  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Two guys are sitting on a bar stool. One starts to insult the other one. He screams, “I slept with your mother!” The bar gets quiet as everyone listens to see what the other weasel will do. The first again yells, “I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!”
The other says, “Go home dad you’re d*unk.”  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A farmhand is driving around the farm, checking the fences. After a few minutes he radios his boss and says, "Boss, I've got a problem. I hit a pig and he's stuck in the bull-bars of my truck. He's still wriggling. What should I do?"
"In the back of your truck there's a shotgun. Shoot the pig in the head and when it stops wriggling you can pull it out and throw it in a bush." The farm worker says okay and signs off. About 10 minutes later he radios back. "Boss I did what you said, I shot the pig and dragged it out and threw it in a bush."
"So what's the problem now?" his Boss snapped.
"The blue light on his motorcycle is still flashing!" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Woman's reaction to dick sizes:
12"=BUMBOCLAAAT!!
11"=Are you trying 2 kill me??
10"=I'm screwed!
9"=Ouch that hurt's!!
8"=Wow that's is amazing!
7"=Heaven!
6"=Perfect!
5"=uhm!
4"=ok,push harder!
3"=no,this is fuckry!
2"=oh that tickles!
1"=just use yu tongue! |
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"The missus is pissed off with me again. Last night while she was asleep i swapped her Tampax for a Party popper. Honestly, NO fucking sense of humour whatsoever!!"
Haha I can just imagain that one! Very good |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The Irish SAS wanted to help the USA in the recent assault, but they made a mistake and raided Debenhams as they heard that's where you'd find summer bed linen.
Sigh...I'm going, I'll get me coat!  |
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Woman has two Westies. A randy pair, can't stop them breeding and she's sick of puppies, so she goes to the Vet to ask advice.
Simple he says "Put the bitch at the top of the stairs."
"How will that help?" asks the woman.
"Ever seen a Westie climb the stairs with a hard-on?" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A teenage girl was wearing a see thro top with no bra.
Her gran threw a fit. You can't go out like that.
Chill gran these are modern time's. You gotta let ya rose buds show.
The next day she come's in to find her gran topless.
Aaaaargh you cant do that gran. Gran say's if you can show your rose bud's. Then i can show my hanging basket's.......  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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William Hill have released odds for next seasons English Premier League.
Man Utd are 4/6
Arsenal are 9/2
For those who don't understand betting that means if you place £6 on Man Utd you could win £4. If you place £20 on Arsenal............you'll lose £20. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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what has kate middleton and osam bin laden got in common
they both had their back doors smashed in by a naval officer and had something shot in their face |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Well we all know osama bin laden is dead well who would have thought to have buried him at sea well to b honest that was easy it was in his name where to bury him
lob man in sea |
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After a visit to a whore house, a man notices green lumps on his cock so he goes to the doctor.
"That's serious!" says the doctor.
"How serious?" asks the man, worried.
"You know how Rugby players get cauliflower ears?" asks the doctor.
"Yes", says the man seriously.
"Well", says the doctor, "You've got brothel sprouts"!!!.
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I was trying my hardest to chat up a woman at a bar last night when suddenly she turned round and said
"Look mate, I dont like you and I wouldnt cross the road to piss on you if you were on fire."
I said with a cheeky smile
"What if I wasnt on fire!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Big Bad Wolf says to Little Red Riding hood "lift up your top so I can suck your tits".
Little Red Riding Hood pulls her panties down and said "fuck off and eat me like the fucking books says" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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23 people have been found glued to the ceiling of a train in Dublin, police believe it was Irish Muslims in the first ever case of a no more nails bomb attack |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Met a really big girl off fab ! was going down on her i said " my god your fanny is big isnt it ! isnt it ! isnt it " she said " there's no need to repeat yourself " I wasnt it was an echo ? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman went out for a night on the town. The Englishman spent £30, the Irishman spent £20 and the Scotsman spent a very enjoyable evening. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The RealIRa decided to ramp up their campaign on the UK mainland so they nicked an airship and bounced it off Canary Wharf three times....
... meanwhile, the Irish equivalent of the SAS flew over to Heathrow and invaded Tie Rack. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"23 people have been found glued to the ceiling of a train in Dublin, police believe it was Irish Muslims in the first ever case of a no more nails bomb attack"
That tickled me no end.
Nice tits. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Two tramps were walking down the street one day when one of them sniffs the air and says to the other, "Have you shit your pants?"
"No I bloody ain't!" replies the other.
"It's fucking horrible, are you sure?" says the first tramp.
"Look, I'm fucking telling you, I haven't shit my pants!" says the second tramp.
"I don't believe you cos the smell is following us. Drop your fucking trousers and prove it!" the first tramp says.
The second tramp drops his kecks and sitting there in his underwear is a huge turd.
"You dirty fucking bastard. You HAVE shit your pants!" says the first tramp.
The second tramp replies, "No I haven't, it was there when I found them!" |
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