FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Advice please....
Advice please....
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Trouble is I have been talking with a certain lady from this site for a few months now, we seem to get a long great, we communicate through here and other message sites , we have a similar background and we tend to be on the same wave length. Her pictures suggest that she is a stunning lady, with a body to die for. She is photo verified and has had 1 or 2 meets although these were quite a while ago, everything just seems to perfect. We have arranged a meet now and are both looking forward to it, However…………..Ive asked many many times to cam with her, for many reason not just to verify she is who she says she is intact that didn’t really enter my mind until it seems she just won’t cam. First of all she would kinda laugh it off and the subject would be ignored, but I’ve asked again and again. The more I ask and be ignored the more my doubts build. I also asked for a picture of her hair not long back and received a picture of a persons hair that apparently looks the same??? I do understand that some people are not keen on Cam but..........Whats your _iews…..
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I won't cam or Skype or talk on the phone to prove myself to anyone, but I'd tell them that straight out rather than just brush it off, so that potentially sounds slightly shifty. I don't get what you mean about the hair photo, she sent you a photo of someone else's hair? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Trouble is I have been talking with a certain lady from this site for a few months now, we seem to get a long great, we communicate through here and other message sites , we have a similar background and we tend to be on the same wave length. Her pictures suggest that she is a stunning lady, with a body to die for. She is photo verified and has had 1 or 2 meets although these were quite a while ago, everything just seems to perfect. We have arranged a meet now and are both looking forward to it, However…………..Ive asked many many times to cam with her, for many reason not just to verify she is who she says she is intact that didn’t really enter my mind until it seems she just won’t cam. First of all she would kinda laugh it off and the subject would be ignored, but I’ve asked again and again. The more I ask and be ignored the more my doubts build. I also asked for a picture of her hair not long back and received a picture of a persons hair that apparently looks the same??? I do understand that some people are not keen on Cam but..........Whats your _iews…..
"
Catfish comes to mind.
Sorry. |
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"I won't cam or Skype or talk on the phone to prove myself to anyone, but I'd tell them that straight out rather than just brush it off, so that potentially sounds slightly shifty. I don't get what you mean about the hair photo, she sent you a photo of someone else's hair? "
Ok thats fair enough, thank you for your reply, What I mean about the hair photo is simply if someone asked me for a picture of my hair id do just that, take a photo of my hair, not troll the internet for a photo of a man with simular hair and send that saying, "It looks like that"?? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I can see why she won't go on cam.
Don't get me wrong.. I am body confident.. But I struggle to be relaxed In front of a camera inless I'm with someone taking my mind of it.. But to be open and vulnerable on live cam or FaceTime is a different story.
I will not be comfortable doing that before meeting someone |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I won't cam or Skype or talk on the phone to prove myself to anyone, but I'd tell them that straight out rather than just brush it off, so that potentially sounds slightly shifty. I don't get what you mean about the hair photo, she sent you a photo of someone else's hair?
Ok thats fair enough, thank you for your reply, What I mean about the hair photo is simply if someone asked me for a picture of my hair id do just that, take a photo of my hair, not troll the internet for a photo of a man with simular hair and send that saying, "It looks like that"??"
Yes I agree, that's really weird, I'd be v suspicious of that too. |
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"I won't cam or Skype or talk on the phone to prove myself to anyone, but I'd tell them that straight out rather than just brush it off, so that potentially sounds slightly shifty. I don't get what you mean about the hair photo, she sent you a photo of someone else's hair?
Ok thats fair enough, thank you for your reply, What I mean about the hair photo is simply if someone asked me for a picture of my hair id do just that, take a photo of my hair, not troll the internet for a photo of a man with simular hair and send that saying, "It looks like that"??"
you have seen a face picture i take it? Why would you want a picture of her hair.
I wouldnt go on cam. But you know what id do, id go on gut instinct |
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"she doesn't even need to go on cam on Skype.
I often used to send kik shorts to prove I'm me.
"
She hasnt got KIk, The whole reason for cam wasnt initially anything to do with proof of anything really, But i feel sometimes messages can be misread and a chat, cams on or off is clearer than sending messages?
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"she doesn't even need to go on cam on Skype.
I often used to send kik shorts to prove I'm me.
She hasnt got KIk, The whole reason for cam wasnt initially anything to do with proof of anything really, But i feel sometimes messages can be misread and a chat, cams on or off is clearer than sending messages?
"
Try answering FaceTime may help  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Just have a social meet. Sounds like you get on really well together. Have a social and if there isn't any attraction then you don't have play time. You'll just be friends. No big deal. It happens all the time. Hopefully it's not the case and you both fancy each other after meeting and decide to shag the pants off each other!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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".......Whats your _iews…..
"
Your gut tells you its not right I'd go with that. From experience, genuine people have lives outside fab and things happen sometimes but they don't mess you about.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't cam, Skype of FaceTime to prove myself but I do go with my gut instinct & I think mine would be firing off warning sounds right about now!
Can you meet just for a social so you can both suss each other out? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Trouble is I have been talking with a certain lady from this site for a few months now, we seem to get a long great, we communicate through here and other message sites , we have a similar background and we tend to be on the same wave length. Her pictures suggest that she is a stunning lady, with a body to die for. She is photo verified and has had 1 or 2 meets although these were quite a while ago, everything just seems to perfect. We have arranged a meet now and are both looking forward to it, However…………..Ive asked many many times to cam with her, for many reason not just to verify she is who she says she is intact that didn’t really enter my mind until it seems she just won’t cam. First of all she would kinda laugh it off and the subject would be ignored, but I’ve asked again and again. The more I ask and be ignored the more my doubts build. I also asked for a picture of her hair not long back and received a picture of a persons hair that apparently looks the same??? I do understand that some people are not keen on Cam but..........Whats your _iews…..
"
What do you mean by other message sites?
So not even email or dare I say it whatsapp? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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she could be hiding something or had a nasty experience oniline before that she doesn't want to talk about.
idk, you say she seems too perfect and if she is then what are those reasons? anything dodgy coming to mind when you think about that? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Obviously a bloke. Get loads on here pretending to be women.
Why is it obvious
She doesn't want to do it
Why the fuck should she"
cause obviously the guy thinks she not real.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Trouble is I have been talking with a certain lady from this site for a few months now, we seem to get a long great, we communicate through here and other message sites , we have a similar background and we tend to be on the same wave length. Her pictures suggest that she is a stunning lady, with a body to die for. She is photo verified and has had 1 or 2 meets although these were quite a while ago, everything just seems to perfect. We have arranged a meet now and are both looking forward to it, However…………..Ive asked many many times to cam with her, for many reason not just to verify she is who she says she is intact that didn’t really enter my mind until it seems she just won’t cam. First of all she would kinda laugh it off and the subject would be ignored, but I’ve asked again and again. The more I ask and be ignored the more my doubts build. I also asked for a picture of her hair not long back and received a picture of a persons hair that apparently looks the same??? I do understand that some people are not keen on Cam but..........Whats your _iews…..
"
My wife doesn't cam. And the more they nag, the more she blocks. |
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By *iewMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Angus & Findhorn |
"Obviously a bloke. Get loads on here pretending to be women.
Why is it obvious
She doesn't want to do it
Why the fuck should she
cause obviously the guy thinks she not real.."
Then he clicks next |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I refuse to go on webcam, Skype, FaceTime or anything like that. There's something about being on camera that makes me really uncomfortable, but I have no issues with meeting people face-to-face. I haven't chatted to anyone on the phone prior to meeting but wouldn't rule that out if they wanted to.
I can only imagine that she hadn't done her hair when you initially asked for a pic and didn't feel comfortable sending a pic when she was 'scruffy'. Although she could send a pic next time her hair is done, I would find it a somewhat strange request. Surely you've seen a face pic and can get an idea of her hair?
Assuming your reasonably local to each other, I'd say bite the bullet and arrange to meet her. If she doesn't turn up or is nothing like what you were expecting, yes it will be massively frustrating but at least you will know.
If you're further away and travel will be time consuming an costly, I'd say trust your gut. It sounds like you have suspicions about her and personally I would not risk my time/money on going to meet her. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Obviously a bloke. Get loads on here pretending to be women.
Why is it obvious
She doesn't want to do it
Why the fuck should she
cause obviously the guy thinks she not real..
Then he clicks next"
but she's perfect
 |
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"I refuse to go on webcam, Skype, FaceTime or anything like that. There's something about being on camera that makes me really uncomfortable, but I have no issues with meeting people face-to-face. I haven't chatted to anyone on the phone prior to meeting but wouldn't rule that out if they wanted to.
I can only imagine that she hadn't done her hair when you initially asked for a pic and didn't feel comfortable sending a pic when she was 'scruffy'. Although she could send a pic next time her hair is done, I would find it a somewhat strange request. Surely you've seen a face pic and can get an idea of her hair?
Assuming your reasonably local to each other, I'd say bite the bullet and arrange to meet her. If she doesn't turn up or is nothing like what you were expecting, yes it will be massively frustrating but at least you will know.
If you're further away and travel will be time consuming an costly, I'd say trust your gut. It sounds like you have suspicions about her and personally I would not risk my time/money on going to meet her."
Nail on the head |
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By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago
in the suffolk countryside |
"Just have a social meet. Sounds like you get on really well together. Have a social and if there isn't any attraction then you don't have play time. You'll just be friends. No big deal. It happens all the time. Hopefully it's not the case and you both fancy each other after meeting and decide to shag the pants off each other! "
this i dont cam or kik or whatsapp, especially before a social x hope it works out for you xx |
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By *iewMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Angus & Findhorn |
"Obviously a bloke. Get loads on here pretending to be women.
Why is it obvious
She doesn't want to do it
Why the fuck should she
cause obviously the guy thinks she not real..
Then he clicks next
but she's perfect
"
 well he can have a wank over her pics |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Obviously a bloke. Get loads on here pretending to be women.
Why is it obvious
She doesn't want to do it
Why the fuck should she
cause obviously the guy thinks she not real..
Then he clicks next
but she's perfect
well he can have a wank over her pics "
Not all bad then. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I will go on Skype or in the chat rooms on cam so I can chat to someone (non sexual) to see if there is a spark. Don't like social meets so this is my way of judging if I want to meet. If someone doesn't want to then that's up to them but my time is precious and I don't want to have pointless socials |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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if I wasn't comfortable doing something then I would just say so, and not fanny about making excuses and avoiding the subject...
also if she just doesn't want to cam with you then pestering (because you think maybe she is not who she appears to be) is only going to make her dig her heels in even further...
if you are having doubts then knock it on the head and move on...if not, give up on the cam requests otherwise she may just knock you on the head |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We never cam and if someone kept asking in the way you describe OP it would be very off-putting.
There is absolutely no way for any of us to know whether she's real or not, but if she happens upon this thread she probably wouldn't be particularly chuffed. |
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Nobody is pestering anybody, its been mentioned a few times over some weeks, its not like I start every convo with "I want to cam" In fact she has told me she will, and has apparently downloaded this and that to do just that. If she had said point blank "I do not cam" the subject would have never been brought up again.
I totally see the sense in a social, and in the ideal world I would have meet her for a coffee one afternoon weeks and weeks ago, but the world is not perfect, far from it, and I spend almost 9 months a year out of the UK so popping round after work for a brew is not an option. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Nobody is pestering anybody, its been mentioned a few times over some weeks, its not like I start every convo with "I want to cam" In fact she has told me she will, and has apparently downloaded this and that to do just that. If she had said point blank "I do not cam" the subject would have never been brought up again.
I totally see the sense in a social, and in the ideal world I would have meet her for a coffee one afternoon weeks and weeks ago, but the world is not perfect, far from it, and I spend almost 9 months a year out of the UK so popping round after work for a brew is not an option. "
If a social isn't happening. Just go with your gut. I always say, "if there is any doubt, then there is no doubt"
Good luck either way OP |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I won't cam or Skype or talk on the phone to prove myself to anyone, but I'd tell them that straight out rather than just brush it off, so that potentially sounds slightly shifty. I don't get what you mean about the hair photo, she sent you a photo of someone else's hair?
Ok thats fair enough, thank you for your reply, What I mean about the hair photo is simply if someone asked me for a picture of my hair id do just that, take a photo of my hair, not troll the internet for a photo of a man with simular hair and send that saying, "It looks like that"??"
That rings alarm bells for me. She sounds dodgy.
I won't cam or anything like that but I do offer to prove I'm real as I know some men pretend to be women online. I respect the people I meet and want them to feel ok about meeting me. Trust your gut OP. She may well be real but just not as bothered about meeting.  |
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"I won't cam or Skype or talk on the phone to prove myself to anyone, but I'd tell them that straight out rather than just brush it off, so that potentially sounds slightly shifty. I don't get what you mean about the hair photo, she sent you a photo of someone else's hair?
Ok thats fair enough, thank you for your reply, What I mean about the hair photo is simply if someone asked me for a picture of my hair id do just that, take a photo of my hair, not troll the internet for a photo of a man with simular hair and send that saying, "It looks like that"??
That rings alarm bells for me. She sounds dodgy.
I won't cam or anything like that but I do offer to prove I'm real as I know some men pretend to be women online. I respect the people I meet and want them to feel ok about meeting me. Trust your gut OP. She may well be real but just not as bothered about meeting. "
Do you know what, maybe thats what it is Scarlet, she's just not that bothered about meeting me  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I won't cam or Skype or talk on the phone to prove myself to anyone, but I'd tell them that straight out rather than just brush it off, so that potentially sounds slightly shifty. I don't get what you mean about the hair photo, she sent you a photo of someone else's hair?
Ok thats fair enough, thank you for your reply, What I mean about the hair photo is simply if someone asked me for a picture of my hair id do just that, take a photo of my hair, not troll the internet for a photo of a man with simular hair and send that saying, "It looks like that"??
That rings alarm bells for me. She sounds dodgy.
I won't cam or anything like that but I do offer to prove I'm real as I know some men pretend to be women online. I respect the people I meet and want them to feel ok about meeting me. Trust your gut OP. She may well be real but just not as bothered about meeting.
Do you know what, maybe thats what it is Scarlet, she's just not that bothered about meeting me "
I'm sorry I could have worded that better, but I guess it would hurt either way.
Sometimes people pretend to be keen when they're not just to avoid hurting the other person.
It's all just guess work though, only she knows the truth. Hope you manage to sort a social meet out soon. I think it's the not knowing that hurts more. When you do know you can deal with it. x |
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"I won't cam or Skype or talk on the phone to prove myself to anyone, but I'd tell them that straight out rather than just brush it off, so that potentially sounds slightly shifty. I don't get what you mean about the hair photo, she sent you a photo of someone else's hair?
Ok thats fair enough, thank you for your reply, What I mean about the hair photo is simply if someone asked me for a picture of my hair id do just that, take a photo of my hair, not troll the internet for a photo of a man with simular hair and send that saying, "It looks like that"??
That rings alarm bells for me. She sounds dodgy.
I won't cam or anything like that but I do offer to prove I'm real as I know some men pretend to be women online. I respect the people I meet and want them to feel ok about meeting me. Trust your gut OP. She may well be real but just not as bothered about meeting.
Do you know what, maybe thats what it is Scarlet, she's just not that bothered about meeting me
I'm sorry I could have worded that better, but I guess it would hurt either way.
Sometimes people pretend to be keen when they're not just to avoid hurting the other person.
It's all just guess work though, only she knows the truth. Hope you manage to sort a social meet out soon. I think it's the not knowing that hurts more. When you do know you can deal with it. x"
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I don't cam or talk on the phone, time is too short.
I will kik, but not to prove myself. If a relationship can't be built up via chat over the course of a few dozen messages enough for us to click, then so be it.
Op, arrange a social local and where you're not putting yourself out hugely. Then if it's a no show, not a big deal.
Good luck |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Stranger things have happened only a thread the other day a bet on whether the guy would turn up or not. I think the longer people are on here the more cynical they can be x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I won't cam/skype/face time, I'd be reluctant to chat on the phone, I feel far more self conscious than face to face. But it sounds like she's made a lot of wishy washy excuses if she's claimed to have downloaded various methods but still won't. If meeting involves a lot of travel I'd be inclined not to bother, but it's your time, if she's who she says she is it would be worth it, but trust your gut.x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Stranger things have happened only a thread the other day a bet on whether the guy would turn up or not. I think the longer people are on here the more cynical they can be x"
I'm not cynical because I've been here a while i just have very good instincts and i trust them. It's a great skill to have on here. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I was going to say catfish x
What does this mean please? I've seen the word mentioned in a few threads now.  "
Someone pretending to be someone they're not online. |
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"I was going to say catfish x
What does this mean please? I've seen the word mentioned in a few threads now. "
Catfish is a programme on MTV it involves people that have met on the Internet, spoken for a period of time, sometimes years but never met. The programme usually ends with the 'catfish' being nothing like their pictures, the wrong sex etc |
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By *ENDAROOSCouple
over a year ago
South West London / Surrey |
Not wanting to cam isn't that unusual. We won't do it. However we would just come right out and say, no from the start.
The sending of an hair pic taken off the internet, I would find odd. If you've seen a clear face pic, why would you want a hair pic?
We've probably discounted lots of 'genuine' people but if something doesn't sit right, we move on. We always listen to our gut instinct.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Although I won't cam, Skype or FaceTime I am quite happy to chat on the phone to prove I am female. Also happy to send a now and then pic on kik as well. But op go with your gut instinct |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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She may not like going on cam as others have said, I don't and won't do it either I hate it even hate face timing my parents. Have you seen pictures of her hair before ? I'm assuming you have as you've swapped pics etc, maybe she has no pics she likes of her hair down or the way you want to see it.
Just as her out right chances are she knows your feeling like this if you sense something is off she probably knows this. Just be honest and ask her outright |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Trouble is I have been talking with a certain lady from this site for a few months now, we seem to get a long great, we communicate through here and other message sites , we have a similar background and we tend to be on the same wave length. Her pictures suggest that she is a stunning lady, with a body to die for. She is photo verified and has had 1 or 2 meets although these were quite a while ago, everything just seems to perfect. We have arranged a meet now and are both looking forward to it, However…………..Ive asked many many times to cam with her, for many reason not just to verify she is who she says she is intact that didn’t really enter my mind until it seems she just won’t cam. First of all she would kinda laugh it off and the subject would be ignored, but I’ve asked again and again. The more I ask and be ignored the more my doubts build. I also asked for a picture of her hair not long back and received a picture of a persons hair that apparently looks the same??? I do understand that some people are not keen on Cam but..........Whats your _iews…..
"
Arrange a meet very close to home, that way if she does not show or is not what she portrays herself to be you have lost minimal time and effort |
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"She may not like going on cam as others have said, I don't and won't do it either I hate it even hate face timing my parents. Have you seen pictures of her hair before ? I'm assuming you have as you've swapped pics etc, maybe she has no pics she likes of her hair down or the way you want to see it.
Just as her out right chances are she knows your feeling like this if you sense something is off she probably knows this. Just be honest and ask her outright "
I've a feeling she may know, but thank you for your advice |
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"Trouble is I have been talking with a certain lady from this site for a few months now, we seem to get a long great, we communicate through here and other message sites , we have a similar background and we tend to be on the same wave length. Her pictures suggest that she is a stunning lady, with a body to die for. She is photo verified and has had 1 or 2 meets although these were quite a while ago, everything just seems to perfect. We have arranged a meet now and are both looking forward to it, However…………..Ive asked many many times to cam with her, for many reason not just to verify she is who she says she is intact that didn’t really enter my mind until it seems she just won’t cam. First of all she would kinda laugh it off and the subject would be ignored, but I’ve asked again and again. The more I ask and be ignored the more my doubts build. I also asked for a picture of her hair not long back and received a picture of a persons hair that apparently looks the same??? I do understand that some people are not keen on Cam but..........Whats your _iews…..
Arrange a meet very close to home, that way if she does not show or is not what she portrays herself to be you have lost minimal time and effort "
Yes I think this is the best option, thank you x
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You say her pictures suggest she's a stunning lady with a body to die for, but like someone has asked; have you seen face pics? If so then no need to worry about cam, surely? I go on cam, but not everyone I have met saw me on cam first, they got a face pic.
I would meet people without seeing them on cam, but never without a face pic. |
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I'd speak on the phone wher, as I always do, before confirming that I want to meet and fix the arrangements.
It's live, less prone to misunderstandings, as text messages are.
If the phone chat goes ok, then I'd continue and meet.
I'm not really keen to go on cam, as I've usually got a phone, so it's more convenient to just speak. |
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