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I fkin hate Christmas
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**For the record, I  Christmas** | |||
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"Has it begun??
**For the record, I Christmas**"And me!! | |||
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"It's August ya fanny x" This needs to be repeated, in the nicest possible way  | |||
" "Hello YOU! and, erm... Merry Christmas? | |||
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Hello YOU!
and, erm... Merry Christmas? "
Hello yourself! 
OP... if you hate Christmas why would you bother to start a thread announcing it... IN AUGUST!!  | |||
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"It's August ya fanny x" Brilliant, gave me a good laugh | |||
"Well if youve started celebrating now youve got along wait" He probably has one hell of an advent calendar. I want it | |||
"Has it begun??
**For the record, I Christmas**
And me!!"Me too, can't wait | |||
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"Has the countdown begun? " Surely that began boxing day | |||
"Can't wait till it's over." why have you started it this early if you don't like it? | |||
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"Christmas is no longer Christmas, shops open on the day, holiday adverts every time there a break on the telly and far, far too commercial these days "Don't go to the shops or watch telly then. The day is what you make of it. It can be as special or as boring as you want. | |||
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"Twas the night before Christmas..and all through the house not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse...... "And a more apt lines for on Fab.... The stockings were hung by the chimney with care, In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there; I love Christmas, although it is a little early.. | |||
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"Twas the night before Christmas..and all through the house not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse...... "Twas the night before Christmas, and God it was neat. The kids were both gone, and my wife was in heat. The doors were all bolted, the phone off the hook, It was time for some nooky, by hook or by crook. Wife in her teddy, and I in the nude, Had just hit the bedroom and reached for the lube. When out on the lawn there arose such a cry, That I lost my boner and wifey went dry. Up to the window I sprang like an elf, Tore back the shade while she played with herself. The moon was so bright that it lit up the yard, The place was a mess, something hit it real hard. When what to my wondering eyes should appear, But a crooked old sleigh and eight mangy reindeer. With a fat little driver, half out of his sled, A sock in his ear, and a bra on his head. Sure as I'm speaking, he was as high as a kite, And he yelled to his team, but it didn't sound right. "Whoa Shithead, whoa Asshole, whoa Stupid, whoa Putz, Fuckin' slow down this rig or I'll cut off your nuts." Over the lamp post, and don't hit that tree, Quit shaking the sleigh, 'cause I gotta go pee. They cleared the old lamp post, the tree got a rub, Just as Santa leaned out and threw up in the shrub. And then from the roof came a hell of a splatter, As each little reindeer now emptied his bladder. I was donning my jacket to cover my ass, When down through the chimney he came with a crash. His suit was all soaking with perfume galore, He looked like a bum and he smelled like a whore. "That was some cathouse," he said with a smile, "The reindeer are pooped, so I'll hang for awhile." He walked to the kitchen and poured up a drink, Then whipped out his pecker and pissed in the sink. I started to laugh, my wife smiled with glee, The old boy was hung nearly down to his knee. Back in the den, Santa reached in his sack, But his toys were all gone, and some new things were packed. The first thing he found was a black leather whip, Next were some X-rated video clips. A box full of condoms was Santa's next find, And a six pack of panties, the edible kind. A bra without nipples, a penis extension, And boxes of goodies I won't even mention. A cock ring, a G-string, and all types of oil, And a dildo so long that it lay in a coil. "This stuff ain't for kids, Mrs. Santa would shit, If you don't mind I'll leave it all here when I split." He filled every stocking and then took his leave, With one tiny butt plug tucked under his sleeve. He sprang to his sleigh, but his feet were like lead, And he fell on his buttocks and broke wind instead. He cursed and got up and climbed into his hitch, "Let's go ya varmints, the night's been a bitch!" The shuddering lurch slammed him back in his chair, And he let out a belch as they took to the air, Bending the lamp post and raking the tree, He bounced off a rooftop and finally got free. "I'm comin' home, woman!" he sang with a smirk, "So grab both your ankles, and pull up your skirt!" | |||
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"Can't wait till it's over." Tit. | |||
"Twas the night before Christmas..and all through the house not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse......
Twas the night before Christmas, and God it was neat.
The kids were both gone, and my wife was in heat.
The doors were all bolted, the phone off the hook,
It was time for some nooky, by hook or by crook.
Wife in her teddy, and I in the nude,
Had just hit the bedroom and reached for the lube.
When out on the lawn there arose such a cry,
That I lost my boner and wifey went dry.
Up to the window I sprang like an elf,
Tore back the shade while she played with herself.
The moon was so bright that it lit up the yard,
The place was a mess, something hit it real hard.
When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a crooked old sleigh and eight mangy reindeer.
With a fat little driver, half out of his sled,
A sock in his ear, and a bra on his head.
Sure as I'm speaking, he was as high as a kite,
And he yelled to his team, but it didn't sound right.
"Whoa Shithead, whoa Asshole, whoa Stupid, whoa Putz,
Fuckin' slow down this rig or I'll cut off your nuts."
Over the lamp post, and don't hit that tree,
Quit shaking the sleigh, 'cause I gotta go pee.
They cleared the old lamp post, the tree got a rub,
Just as Santa leaned out and threw up in the shrub.
And then from the roof came a hell of a splatter,
As each little reindeer now emptied his bladder.
I was donning my jacket to cover my ass,
When down through the chimney he came with a crash.
His suit was all soaking with perfume galore,
He looked like a bum and he smelled like a whore.
"That was some cathouse," he said with a smile,
"The reindeer are pooped, so I'll hang for awhile."
He walked to the kitchen and poured up a drink,
Then whipped out his pecker and pissed in the sink.
I started to laugh, my wife smiled with glee,
The old boy was hung nearly down to his knee.
Back in the den, Santa reached in his sack,
But his toys were all gone, and some new things were packed.
The first thing he found was a black leather whip,
Next were some X-rated video clips.
A box full of condoms was Santa's next find,
And a six pack of panties, the edible kind.
A bra without nipples, a penis extension,
And boxes of goodies I won't even mention.
A cock ring, a G-string, and all types of oil,
And a dildo so long that it lay in a coil.
"This stuff ain't for kids, Mrs. Santa would shit,
If you don't mind I'll leave it all here when I split."
He filled every stocking and then took his leave,
With one tiny butt plug tucked under his sleeve.
He sprang to his sleigh, but his feet were like lead,
And he fell on his buttocks and broke wind instead.
He cursed and got up and climbed into his hitch,
"Let's go ya varmints, the night's been a bitch!"
The shuddering lurch slammed him back in his chair,
And he let out a belch as they took to the air,
Bending the lamp post and raking the tree,
He bounced off a rooftop and finally got free.
"I'm comin' home, woman!" he sang with a smirk,
"So grab both your ankles, and pull up your skirt!"" | |||
"Twas the night before Christmas..and all through the house not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse......
Twas the night before Christmas, and God it was neat.
The kids were both gone, and my wife was in heat.
The doors were all bolted, the phone off the hook,
It was time for some nooky, by hook or by crook.
Wife in her teddy, and I in the nude,
Had just hit the bedroom and reached for the lube.
When out on the lawn there arose such a cry,
That I lost my boner and wifey went dry.
Up to the window I sprang like an elf,
Tore back the shade while she played with herself.
The moon was so bright that it lit up the yard,
The place was a mess, something hit it real hard.
When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a crooked old sleigh and eight mangy reindeer.
With a fat little driver, half out of his sled,
A sock in his ear, and a bra on his head.
Sure as I'm speaking, he was as high as a kite,
And he yelled to his team, but it didn't sound right.
"Whoa Shithead, whoa Asshole, whoa Stupid, whoa Putz,
Fuckin' slow down this rig or I'll cut off your nuts."
Over the lamp post, and don't hit that tree,
Quit shaking the sleigh, 'cause I gotta go pee.
They cleared the old lamp post, the tree got a rub,
Just as Santa leaned out and threw up in the shrub.
And then from the roof came a hell of a splatter,
As each little reindeer now emptied his bladder.
I was donning my jacket to cover my ass,
When down through the chimney he came with a crash.
His suit was all soaking with perfume galore,
He looked like a bum and he smelled like a whore.
"That was some cathouse," he said with a smile,
"The reindeer are pooped, so I'll hang for awhile."
He walked to the kitchen and poured up a drink,
Then whipped out his pecker and pissed in the sink.
I started to laugh, my wife smiled with glee,
The old boy was hung nearly down to his knee.
Back in the den, Santa reached in his sack,
But his toys were all gone, and some new things were packed.
The first thing he found was a black leather whip,
Next were some X-rated video clips.
A box full of condoms was Santa's next find,
And a six pack of panties, the edible kind.
A bra without nipples, a penis extension,
And boxes of goodies I won't even mention.
A cock ring, a G-string, and all types of oil,
And a dildo so long that it lay in a coil.
"This stuff ain't for kids, Mrs. Santa would shit,
If you don't mind I'll leave it all here when I split."
He filled every stocking and then took his leave,
With one tiny butt plug tucked under his sleeve.
He sprang to his sleigh, but his feet were like lead,
And he fell on his buttocks and broke wind instead.
He cursed and got up and climbed into his hitch,
"Let's go ya varmints, the night's been a bitch!"
The shuddering lurch slammed him back in his chair,
And he let out a belch as they took to the air,
Bending the lamp post and raking the tree,
He bounced off a rooftop and finally got free.
"I'm comin' home, woman!" he sang with a smirk,
"So grab both your ankles, and pull up your skirt!"
"Not my own composition  | |||
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"A thread like this before December 1st deserves a ban! "I agree | |||
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"A thread like this before December 1st deserves a ban! "
I can't.
I'm not a massive fan but I posted a thread on Christmas crackers about a month ago... it would be a tad hypocritical. | |||
"A thread like this before December 1st deserves a ban!
I can't.
I'm not a massive fan but I posted a thread on Christmas crackers about a month ago... it would be a tad hypocritical. "Just fucking do it woman | |||
"Is anybody even thinking as far ahead as Christmas ?! "When you organise the Christmas party you have to. | |||
"Is anybody even thinking as far ahead as Christmas ?! "Yes!! We have planned out our whole Christmas holiday in Scotland again this year. Planning ahead is a good thing | |||
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"A thread like this before December 1st deserves a ban!
I can't.
I'm not a massive fan but I posted a thread on Christmas crackers about a month ago... it would be a tad hypocritical. "Ooo Im tempted... | |||
"A thread like this before December 1st deserves a ban!
I can't.
I'm not a massive fan but I posted a thread on Christmas crackers about a month ago... it would be a tad hypocritical.
Ooo Im tempted... "Do you accept bribes? | |||
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"Is anybody even thinking as far ahead as Christmas ?!
When you organise the Christmas party you have to. "Makes sense to be fair.. Im not very organised | |||
"Is anybody even thinking as far ahead as Christmas ?!
Yes!! We have planned out our whole Christmas holiday in Scotland again this year.
Planning ahead is a good thing "Holidays are understandable too.. That sounds amazing | |||
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"I love christmas cant wait already started christmas shopping for kids ill be nagging the wife to let me put the tree up in november lol "Rub it in | |||
christmas ....
But only in august ...so i will start getting excited in december | |||
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"Can't wait till it's over." Humbug its fecking august not fecking december why bring it fecking up now and yes i hate fecking christmas . Humbug | |||
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