 |
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
Ever farted at the most inappropriate time?
I did today in a crowded lift.
I totally blamed the elderly woman opposite.
 "
That's what I call a fly bugger haha |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"MY daughter was messing around the other night before bed and I farted on her head.
I thought it comedy gold.
She cried.
I couldn't even apologise 'cos I kept on sniggering.
Bad daddy.
"
My brother did that to me as children.
I hated him for ages. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"MY daughter was messing around the other night before bed and I farted on her head.
I thought it comedy gold.
She cried.
I couldn't even apologise 'cos I kept on sniggering.
Bad daddy.
"
JoeSEPH.  |
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"MY daughter was messing around the other night before bed and I farted on her head.
I thought it comedy gold.
She cried.
I couldn't even apologise 'cos I kept on sniggering.
Bad daddy.
My brother did that to me as children.
I hated him for ages. "
It was only a little one |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"
Ever farted at the most inappropriate time?
I did today in a crowded lift.
I totally blamed the elderly woman opposite.
That's what I call a fly bugger haha "
I don't believe I'm evil or am I?! |
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"MY daughter was messing around the other night before bed and I farted on her head.
I thought it comedy gold.
She cried.
I couldn't even apologise 'cos I kept on sniggering.
Bad daddy.
"
You need putting on the naughty step! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
Ever farted at the most inappropriate time?
I did today in a crowded lift.
I totally blamed the elderly woman opposite.
That's what I call a fly bugger haha
I don't believe I'm evil or am I?!"
You certainly are you little devil  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"
Ever farted at the most inappropriate time?
I did today in a crowded lift.
I totally blamed the elderly woman opposite.
That's what I call a fly bugger haha
I don't believe I'm evil or am I?!
You certainly are you little devil "
Whimsical I'm going for! |
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|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
Ever farted at the most inappropriate time?
I did today in a crowded lift.
I totally blamed the elderly woman opposite.
That's what I call a fly bugger haha
I don't believe I'm evil or am I?!
You certainly are you little devil
Whimsical I'm going for! "
Whimsical... I like that haha  |
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Hoho!
Roland the Farter
Roland the Farter (known in contemporary records as Roland le Fartere, Roulandus le Fartere or Roland le Petour) was a medieval flatulist who lived in 12th century England. He held Hemingstone manor in Suffolk and 30 acres (12 hectares) of land in return for his services as a jester for King Henry II. Each year he was obliged to perform "Unum saltum et siffletum et unum bumbulum" (one jump, one whistle, and one fart) for the King's court at Christmas.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Roland_the_Farter
|
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"Hoho!
Roland the Farter
Roland the Farter (known in contemporary records as Roland le Fartere, Roulandus le Fartere or Roland le Petour) was a medieval flatulist who lived in 12th century England. He held Hemingstone manor in Suffolk and 30 acres (12 hectares) of land in return for his services as a jester for King Henry II. Each year he was obliged to perform "Unum saltum et siffletum et unum bumbulum" (one jump, one whistle, and one fart) for the King's court at Christmas.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Roland_the_Farter
"
"Bumblum" is Latin for fart.
I've learned something today |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Hoho!
Roland the Farter
Roland the Farter (known in contemporary records as Roland le Fartere, Roulandus le Fartere or Roland le Petour) was a medieval flatulist who lived in 12th century England. He held Hemingstone manor in Suffolk and 30 acres (12 hectares) of land in return for his services as a jester for King Henry II. Each year he was obliged to perform "Unum saltum et siffletum et unum bumbulum" (one jump, one whistle, and one fart) for the King's court at Christmas.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Roland_the_Farter
"Bumblum" is Latin for fart.
I've learned something today "
Not botty burp? |
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"Hoho!
Roland the Farter
Roland the Farter (known in contemporary records as Roland le Fartere, Roulandus le Fartere or Roland le Petour) was a medieval flatulist who lived in 12th century England. He held Hemingstone manor in Suffolk and 30 acres (12 hectares) of land in return for his services as a jester for King Henry II. Each year he was obliged to perform "Unum saltum et siffletum et unum bumbulum" (one jump, one whistle, and one fart) for the King's court at Christmas.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Roland_the_Farter
"Bumblum" is Latin for fart.
I've learned something today
Not botty burp? "
Trumpus maximus? |
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|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Hoho!
Roland the Farter
Roland the Farter (known in contemporary records as Roland le Fartere, Roulandus le Fartere or Roland le Petour) was a medieval flatulist who lived in 12th century England. He held Hemingstone manor in Suffolk and 30 acres (12 hectares) of land in return for his services as a jester for King Henry II. Each year he was obliged to perform "Unum saltum et siffletum et unum bumbulum" (one jump, one whistle, and one fart) for the King's court at Christmas.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Roland_the_Farter
"Bumblum" is Latin for fart.
I've learned something today
Not botty burp?
Trumpus maximus?"
Donald? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Farting is endlessly funny.
Or I'm immature.
It is funny. Maybe you are immature, then so am I.
Everyone does it.
Even the Queen "
The Queen probs drops SBD'S. |
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"Farting is endlessly funny.
Or I'm immature.
It is funny. Maybe you are immature, then so am I.
Everyone does it.
Even the Queen "
Reminds me of a song my sister used to sing when she was little. .. It goes something like this
One little boy in Buckingham palace
Showed his bum to the Queen
When the queen showed it back
All he saw was a royal crack
 |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Farting is endlessly funny.
Or I'm immature.
It is funny. Maybe you are immature, then so am I.
Everyone does it.
Even the Queen
Reminds me of a song my sister used to sing when she was little. .. It goes something like this
One little boy in Buckingham palace
Showed his bum to the Queen
When the queen showed it back
All he saw was a royal crack
"
 love it
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"MY daughter was messing around the other night before bed and I farted on her head.
I thought it comedy gold.
She cried.
I couldn't even apologise 'cos I kept on sniggering.
Bad daddy.
"
Not sure if its a good or a bad thing but as the full time stay at home parent to my 3 kids my 2 daughters are not what you would typically call lady like my 4yr old has taken to running over to me cocking her leg up and farting on me
Hope it makes you feel better that there are worse dads lol |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I farted on the London underground many years ago. Picadilly line I believe.
Can you still smell it?
Been a while since I've been to London. "
London rocks and can smell. |
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"
Ever farted at the most inappropriate time?
I did today in a crowded lift.
I totally blamed the elderly woman opposite.
They who snelt it dealt it."
That's very childish but, since it's you, have a gold star and run along and rejoin the class |
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|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
Ever farted at the most inappropriate time?
I did today in a crowded lift.
I totally blamed the elderly woman opposite.
They who snelt it dealt it.
That's very childish but, since it's you, have a gold star and run along and rejoin the class "
lmfao! meow kitty has claws |
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"
Ever farted at the most inappropriate time?
I did today in a crowded lift.
I totally blamed the elderly woman opposite.
They who snelt it dealt it.
That's very childish but, since it's you, have a gold star and run along and rejoin the class
lmfao! meow kitty has claws "
That's alright - you can go and blow him
|
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"
Ever farted at the most inappropriate time?
I did today in a crowded lift.
I totally blamed the elderly woman opposite.
They who snelt it dealt it.
That's very childish but, since it's you, have a gold star and run along and rejoin the class "
He who denied it supplied it  |
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"
Ever farted at the most inappropriate time?
I did today in a crowded lift.
I totally blamed the elderly woman opposite.
They who snelt it dealt it.
That's very childish but, since it's you, have a gold star and run along and rejoin the class
lmfao! meow kitty has claws
That's alright - you can go and blow him "
Errmmm....
What was the convo about again? |
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|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
Ever farted at the most inappropriate time?
I did today in a crowded lift.
I totally blamed the elderly woman opposite.
They who snelt it dealt it.
That's very childish but, since it's you, have a gold star and run along and rejoin the class
lmfao! meow kitty has claws
That's alright - you can go and blow him
"
you first sweetheart  |
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"
Ever farted at the most inappropriate time?
I did today in a crowded lift.
I totally blamed the elderly woman opposite.
They who snelt it dealt it.
That's very childish but, since it's you, have a gold star and run along and rejoin the class
lmfao! meow kitty has claws
That's alright - you can go and blow him
you first sweetheart "
Yeah, not really my style.
You need some practice? |
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|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
Ever farted at the most inappropriate time?
I did today in a crowded lift.
I totally blamed the elderly woman opposite.
They who snelt it dealt it.
That's very childish but, since it's you, have a gold star and run along and rejoin the class
lmfao! meow kitty has claws
That's alright - you can go and blow him
you first sweetheart
Yeah, not really my style.
You need some practice? "
at least your not saying I've got nice tits |
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"
Ever farted at the most inappropriate time?
I did today in a crowded lift.
I totally blamed the elderly woman opposite.
They who snelt it dealt it.
That's very childish but, since it's you, have a gold star and run along and rejoin the class
lmfao! meow kitty has claws
That's alright - you can go and blow him
you first sweetheart
Yeah, not really my style.
You need some practice?
at least your not saying I've got nice tits "
I know, bit of a cliché after a fashion, don't ya think?
I like you, there's half a brain in there somewhere.
I like a man who pushes back |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
Ever farted at the most inappropriate time?
I did today in a crowded lift.
I totally blamed the elderly woman opposite.
They who snelt it dealt it.
That's very childish but, since it's you, have a gold star and run along and rejoin the class
lmfao! meow kitty has claws
That's alright - you can go and blow him
you first sweetheart
Yeah, not really my style.
You need some practice?
at least your not saying I've got nice tits
I know, bit of a cliché after a fashion, don't ya think?
I like you, there's half a brain in there somewhere.
I like a man who pushes back "
haha |
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"
Ever farted at the most inappropriate time?
I did today in a crowded lift.
I totally blamed the elderly woman opposite.
They who snelt it dealt it.
That's very childish but, since it's you, have a gold star and run along and rejoin the class
lmfao! meow kitty has claws
That's alright - you can go and blow him
you first sweetheart
Yeah, not really my style.
You need some practice?
at least your not saying I've got nice tits
I know, bit of a cliché after a fashion, don't ya think?
I like you, there's half a brain in there somewhere.
I like a man who pushes back
haha "
*doffs bowler* |
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"
Ever farted at the most inappropriate time?
I did today in a crowded lift.
I totally blamed the elderly woman opposite.
"
Old people are always very handy if you need to fart in a crowded place like a Supermarket. Just stand behind them and let rip. People will always blame the wrinkley one!
Him |
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I went to a tin mine in cornwall once, it was very claustrophobic and i had one brewing up. I didn't want to let it go down there so i held it in until the tour was over and we emerged at the other end. When we came out we were overlooking the tea room and childrens play area. By this time i couldn't keep it in any more, so i let it go. Now this particular guff wasn't your usual loud ripsnorter, but it was possibly the longest release of flatus i've ever committed to earths atmosphere and it was vile. So this hideous gas has moved across the tea room and play area with folk commenting on the nasty smell, but the best bit was the little boy at the top of the helter skelter when he shouted out in a cornish accent "corr, who's farted". I was fucking crying with laughter. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Try having IBS!
It stops being funny after a while especially in public or at work!
At home it's hilarious, I can out fart anyone
Anyone fancy a farting comp?? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
My daughter farted at the cinema then said I JUST FARTED and everyone started laughing.....she was only about 3 and was unaware that everyone was laughing at her.....my son still mentions it now and again x |
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When out try hold it in but their times just happen say excuse me if people around .I remember my ex faring guy behind him said use your matter..he said so you don't fart he went manner I use found it funny ex pig no manner |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Walking around Speke Hall last year with our daughter, it was very quiet in one of the rooms, looking at all the interesting bits and bobs from the 1400s, little miss gave out the loudest knicker ripper I had ever heard and just continued walking as if she hadn't heard or done a thing, couldn't move for laughin, although some of the other people also in the room were not so amused  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I went to a tin mine in cornwall once, it was very claustrophobic and i had one brewing up. I didn't want to let it go down there so i held it in until the tour was over and we emerged at the other end. When we came out we were overlooking the tea room and childrens play area. By this time i couldn't keep it in any more, so i let it go. Now this particular guff wasn't your usual loud ripsnorter, but it was possibly the longest release of flatus i've ever committed to earths atmosphere and it was vile. So this hideous gas has moved across the tea room and play area with folk commenting on the nasty smell, but the best bit was the little boy at the top of the helter skelter when he shouted out in a cornish accent "corr, who's farted". I was fucking crying with laughter."
Hahaha. Love it. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Walking around Speke Hall last year with our daughter, it was very quiet in one of the rooms, looking at all the interesting bits and bobs from the 1400s, little miss gave out the loudest knicker ripper I had ever heard and just continued walking as if she hadn't heard or done a thing, couldn't move for laughin, although some of the other people also in the room were not so amused "
See now, we can learn a lot from children. |
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I once did a silent but deadly in class at school. The whole room honked. When teacher eventually found out it was me he kicked me out the class for quote “offending his nostrils“. Still can't believe how dramatic he was over it. Ha. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Nell and I have embraced our farts for the comedy gold that they are. Every time either one of us floats an air biscuit we are duty bound to fist bump one another. We even have the kids doing it now.
#embracethetrump (not Donald).
Mrwho |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Nell and I have embraced our farts for the comedy gold that they are. Every time either one of us floats an air biscuit we are duty bound to fist bump one another. We even have the kids doing it now.
#embracethetrump (not Donald).
Mrwho"
#trueLovedat |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
About 10 years ago, I was working in car sales. It was a Sunday morning after a pretty heavy Saturday night. I ended up having to do a test drive with an old couple that had called in on their way from church. As customary when it came to their turn to drive I sat in the back seat. It was a lovely warm day and I found myself nodding off as we ambled around the country roads. Re-entering suburbia, I was woken from my nap as we hit a speed bump. At this point I realised I really needed to fact and was trying desperately to hold it in. I held on manfully for about another two hundred yards until we hit the next speed bump. Noxious gasses quickly began to fill the car and the old lady in the front tried desperately to open a window. Unfortunately the power window was locked from the drivers side and he was concentrating on pulling out onto a busy road. Needless to say, I didn't sell the car. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Due to a medical condition I am unable to trump standing up so when I lay down all hell breaks loose.
This isn't such a problem in everyday life as Mrs P has got used to the fanfare when I retire to bed.
But it gets to be a problem when we are going to a club or are meeting someone as I know I will be laying down at some point (hopefully)
To get over this I have to find an isolated space, often the back seat of our car, lay down and let myself go.
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Due to a medical condition I am unable to trump standing up so when I lay down all hell breaks loose.
This isn't such a problem in everyday life as Mrs P has got used to the fanfare when I retire to bed.
But it gets to be a problem when we are going to a club or are meeting someone as I know I will be laying down at some point (hopefully)
To get over this I have to find an isolated space, often the back seat of our car, lay down and let myself go.
"
Hold on, at the tea party, in the park, you were laying down on the grass, next to me.......
I thought that smell was the Thames......  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Do you all find coughing funny? Sneezing funny?
I don't find farting funny. And I definitely done find someone farting in my presence funny"
Do you have a rod up your arse?  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
For years the hubby M used to drink a stout drink which for now shall stay nameless. Every Thursday night was darts and he played for a local team with his best friend. Well of course they would drink to much of the noxious stuff and the hubby would come back and get in bed. If he wasn't working on a Friday daytime I'd make him get up with our son (when we only had one child) and I'd often come down a couple of hours later to find the hubby curled up on the sofa trumping away and our son either in his highchair asleep copying or on the sofa with his dad!!! The smell of the two of them was rotten and before we moved from that house after having our first daughter I made him get rid of the offensive smelling sofa. He was devastated lol x |
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By *al2001Man
over a year ago
kildare |
"Do you all find coughing funny? Sneezing funny?
I don't find farting funny. And I definitely done find someone farting in my presence funny
Do you have a rod up your arse? "
About farting I do
I just don't like to breathe in other ppls gas that came out their ass. Isn't that fair enough?
Like posts about farting in lifts make me want to vomit
I wouldn't always comment about stuff that I don't like but the fact it just isn't funny needs commenting on IMO
|
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Do you all find coughing funny? Sneezing funny?
I don't find farting funny. And I definitely done find someone farting in my presence funny"
Thanks for your input.
PARPS. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Do you all find coughing funny? Sneezing funny?
I don't find farting funny. And I definitely done find someone farting in my presence funny
Do you have a rod up your arse?
About farting I do
I just don't like to breathe in other ppls gas that came out their ass. Isn't that fair enough?
Like posts about farting in lifts make me want to vomit
I wouldn't always comment about stuff that I don't like but the fact it just isn't funny needs commenting on IMO
"
It's what brings humans together.
We all break wind.
You can tell a lot about a person in how they react to a simple fart.
|
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
you've annoyed me actually!
a fart, it causes more offence to some people than war.
some people have IBS or colitis.
This means they can't help farting.
I'd never shame another human for farting.
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Due to a medical condition I am unable to trump standing up so when I lay down all hell breaks loose.
This isn't such a problem in everyday life as Mrs P has got used to the fanfare when I retire to bed.
But it gets to be a problem when we are going to a club or are meeting someone as I know I will be laying down at some point (hopefully)
To get over this I have to find an isolated space, often the back seat of our car, lay down and let myself go.
Hold on, at the tea party, in the park, you were laying down on the grass, next to me.......
I thought that smell was the Thames...... "
This medical condition also means my emissions don't smell. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"The Campfire - Blazing Saddles
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VPIP9KXdmO0"
I almost had to give my son cardiac massage because I though he was going to stop breathing he was laughing so much when he first saw that |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Do you all find coughing funny? Sneezing funny?
I don't find farting funny. And I definitely done find someone farting in my presence funny"
You're clearly not an immature twit like me then because I find it all funny! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"MY daughter was messing around the other night before bed and I farted on her head.
I thought it comedy gold.
She cried.
I couldn't even apologise 'cos I kept on sniggering.
Bad daddy.
"
you bad man |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Plane. It was dreadful. Got recycled for hours. Blamed the kid in front.
One also popped out as an ex was going down on me. I still cringe now, when I think of it. Definitely the most embarrassing thing ever. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Do you all find coughing funny? Sneezing funny?
I don't find farting funny. And I definitely done find someone farting in my presence funny
Thanks for your input.
PARPS. "
Oi Markoh, did you fart in front of my wife?
I'm terribly sorry, I didn't realise it was her turn.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Due to a medical condition I am unable to trump standing up so when I lay down all hell breaks loose.
This isn't such a problem in everyday life as Mrs P has got used to the fanfare when I retire to bed.
But it gets to be a problem when we are going to a club or are meeting someone as I know I will be laying down at some point (hopefully)
To get over this I have to find an isolated space, often the back seat of our car, lay down and let myself go.
Hold on, at the tea party, in the park, you were laying down on the grass, next to me.......
I thought that smell was the Thames......
This medical condition also means my emissions don't smell. "
You mean it WAS the Thames???? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Due to a medical condition I am unable to trump standing up so when I lay down all hell breaks loose.
This isn't such a problem in everyday life as Mrs P has got used to the fanfare when I retire to bed.
But it gets to be a problem when we are going to a club or are meeting someone as I know I will be laying down at some point (hopefully)
To get over this I have to find an isolated space, often the back seat of our car, lay down and let myself go.
Hold on, at the tea party, in the park, you were laying down on the grass, next to me.......
I thought that smell was the Thames......
This medical condition also means my emissions don't smell.
You mean it WAS the Thames???? "
Or maybe Mrs P.
( please don't tell her I said that ) |
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By *al2001Man
over a year ago
kildare |
"you've annoyed me actually!
a fart, it causes more offence to some people than war.
some people have IBS or colitis.
This means they can't help farting.
I'd never shame another human for farting.
"
You've annoyed me now too. What about the ppl who can't fart? How do you think they feel reading about your boasting about your healthy digestive system and free flowing flatulence
Have they not suffered enough |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"you've annoyed me actually!
a fart, it causes more offence to some people than war.
some people have IBS or colitis.
This means they can't help farting.
I'd never shame another human for farting.
You've annoyed me now too. What about the ppl who can't fart? How do you think they feel reading about your boasting about your healthy digestive system and free flowing flatulence
Have they not suffered enough "
They can eat beans.
|
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By *al2001Man
over a year ago
kildare |
I was always uptight about ppl farting around me. And I never done it around anyone. Even as a kid
My mate in school was laughing at me saying there was something wrong with me that I never farted. I jokingly told him I never have farted in my life. He believed me because in 10 years of being my mate he never heard me fart and thought this was the funniest thing ever,as he was breaking his ass laughing at me I was holding a fart in,I spend my fucking life holding farts in ,and I said ah fuck it just this once and I let a fucking ripper and I screamed "ah Johnny my first fart"
He nearly died laughing. Still does if I mention my first ever fart to him |
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By *al2001Man
over a year ago
kildare |
"you've annoyed me actually!
a fart, it causes more offence to some people than war.
some people have IBS or colitis.
This means they can't help farting.
I'd never shame another human for farting.
"
Actually now that you mention it a ibs sufferer would be more embarrassed by your reaction of laughing than my reaction of ignoring. Just saying |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Do you all find coughing funny? Sneezing funny?
I don't find farting funny. And I definitely done find someone farting in my presence funny"
Thinks the shit will hit the fan with this one!
PAAAAAAARP! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Do you all find coughing funny? Sneezing funny?
I don't find farting funny. And I definitely done find someone farting in my presence funny"
I believe you may be an alien. Farts are funny to real humans!
MrWho |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"you've annoyed me actually!
a fart, it causes more offence to some people than war.
some people have IBS or colitis.
This means they can't help farting.
I'd never shame another human for farting.
Actually now that you mention it a ibs sufferer would be more embarrassed by your reaction of laughing than my reaction of ignoring. Just saying "
Where did I say I'd laugh at an ibs sufferer?
jaysus |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"MY daughter was messing around the other night before bed and I farted on her head.
I thought it comedy gold.
She cried.
I couldn't even apologise 'cos I kept on sniggering. Ah jesus poor wain hahaha
Bad daddy.
"
aw poor wain lol my daughter farts on me all the time and has a right we giggle after wards lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Do you all find coughing funny? Sneezing funny?
I don't find farting funny. And I definitely done find someone farting in my presence funny
I believe you may be an alien. Farts are funny to real humans!
MrWho"
lmao good one |
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first time I fanny farted I felt FREEEEEE.
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