FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Help me distinguish between the two
Help me distinguish between the two
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Right this is where the forum is useful, now I'm a very jealous person and sometimes it's warranted and sometimes it's not. Need to know if this is something a normal person would be jealous of or if it's unnecessary. Ok, ready to help? |
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"Right this is where the forum is useful, now I'm a very jealous person and sometimes it's warranted and sometimes it's not. Need to know if this is something a normal person would be jealous of or if it's unnecessary. Ok, ready to help?"
I don't envy you being jealous  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Pressed post before I wrote the actual thing, duh!!!
Anyway, met a dude a few times la la la all good but they were weekday meets and not full night which is what I want. Side said yep still happy for us to be exclusive but his work makes planning difficult, ok, I said I can only concentrate on one dude at a time so wished each other well and that was that. Was asked agin spur of the moment if I could meet, I couldn't (have to arrange child care) asked again earlier but noticed he's got a day old veri, I can't be jealous umm I don't actually feel jealous I feel slighted if that's the correct term. I'm being unreasonable aren't i? Yes I can see it.
Where does it come from though, I have logic, I haven't been rejected so can't feel bad about that it's just weird like! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Pressed post before I wrote the actual thing, duh!!!
Anyway, met a dude a few times la la la all good but they were weekday meets and not full night which is what I want. Side said yep still happy for us to be exclusive but his work makes planning difficult, ok, I said I can only concentrate on one dude at a time so wished each other well and that was that. Was asked agin spur of the moment if I could meet, I couldn't (have to arrange child care) asked again earlier but noticed he's got a day old veri, I can't be jealous umm I don't actually feel jealous I feel slighted if that's the correct term. I'm being unreasonable aren't i? Yes I can see it.
Where does it come from though, I have logic, I haven't been rejected so can't feel bad about that it's just weird like! "
Doesn't sound like jealousy, sounds like you've got your nose out of joint. He said work was difficult, but then asked short notice, you couldn't so he found some one one who could. Nothing wrong with it. I'd guess you feel you were too easy to replace. But this ain't dating. You'd get another just as fast. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Like before I said right I'm knocking this on the head now because I want more than what you can offer, I could have carried on meeting him when he was free but I didn't want that arrangement. So I have no right to feel any sort of annoyance, but I do, why? It's not even annoyed I can't put it into words on a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being mega pissed off I'd say this was a 0.5 but I shouldn't even have that. Why do I? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Like before I said right I'm knocking this on the head now because I want more than what you can offer, I could have carried on meeting him when he was free but I didn't want that arrangement. So I have no right to feel any sort of annoyance, but I do, why? It's not even annoyed I can't put it into words on a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being mega pissed off I'd say this was a 0.5 but I shouldn't even have that. Why do I?"
It's felt like a rejection. That can sting a bit. |
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By *igeiaWoman
over a year ago
Bristol |
You feel peeved. It's natural to. You agreed to leave it but that doesn't mean part of you doesn't want him to feel a tiny bit gutted about it. You know that's illogical and know you won't feel like it for long but, while you do, you could try telling yourself he had a meet to try and get you out of his system rather than he was that quick to move onto someone new. Even if he didn't that might help. |
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By *imiUKMan
over a year ago
Hereford |
"Like before I said right I'm knocking this on the head now because I want more than what you can offer, I could have carried on meeting him when he was free but I didn't want that arrangement. So I have no right to feel any sort of annoyance, but I do, why? It's not even annoyed I can't put it into words on a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being mega pissed off I'd say this was a 0.5 but I shouldn't even have that. Why do I?"
Because you think that he should have wanted you over some random and should have bourne with you whilst you arranged childcare etc. Nothing wrong with that, just shows that you value yourself. However, this is fabs abd you can't get jealous. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Like before I said right I'm knocking this on the head now because I want more than what you can offer, I could have carried on meeting him when he was free but I didn't want that arrangement. So I have no right to feel any sort of annoyance, but I do, why? It's not even annoyed I can't put it into words on a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being mega pissed off I'd say this was a 0.5 but I shouldn't even have that. Why do I?
It's felt like a rejection. That can sting a bit. "
It's not like a normal rejection like I've felt that before and that proper stings, I know I could shag this guy again if I wanted to so it's not the same rejection sort of feeling. Think it's more what you said earlier, feel like my nose is out of joint!
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Pressed post before I wrote the actual thing, duh!!!
Anyway, met a dude a few times la la la all good but they were weekday meets and not full night which is what I want. Side said yep still happy for us to be exclusive but his work makes planning difficult, ok, I said I can only concentrate on one dude at a time so wished each other well and that was that. Was asked agin spur of the moment if I could meet, I couldn't (have to arrange child care) asked again earlier but noticed he's got a day old veri, I can't be jealous umm I don't actually feel jealous I feel slighted if that's the correct term. I'm being unreasonable aren't i? Yes I can see it.
Where does it come from though, I have logic, I haven't been rejected so can't feel bad about that it's just weird like! "
nothing wrong with being jealous..now acting on it or acting like a nut is |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Pressed post before I wrote the actual thing, duh!!!
Anyway, met a dude a few times la la la all good but they were weekday meets and not full night which is what I want. Side said yep still happy for us to be exclusive but his work makes planning difficult, ok, I said I can only concentrate on one dude at a time so wished each other well and that was that. Was asked agin spur of the moment if I could meet, I couldn't (have to arrange child care) asked again earlier but noticed he's got a day old veri, I can't be jealous umm I don't actually feel jealous I feel slighted if that's the correct term. I'm being unreasonable aren't i? Yes I can see it.
Where does it come from though, I have logic, I haven't been rejected so can't feel bad about that it's just weird like!
nothing wrong with being jealous..now acting on it or acting like a nut is "
its the fact that he is free to arrange meets with other people and you are tied to finding childcare before you can meet him that's the problem...its not jealousy, it more inconvenience |
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By *az_1976Man
over a year ago
Peterborough/Huntingdon |
Envy is something you lack that someone else has. Jealousy is when you have something that is threatened I'd say it's neither. You just haven't found what you want and that makes you feel a bit "off" |
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By *c-ukMan
over a year ago
Sevenoaks |
As a bit of a cuck a small amount of jealousy is a good thing.. The more I feel for a woman (if I could find one) the more I want her to have freedom, see other guys and cheat on me. A bit of jealousy is part of that I guess..
Jealousy for no reason is not a good thing though and could drive a wedge between people.. Live your life, ask yourself why you give a shit about anyone else!!
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Yeah it's fine now, thanks all.
Just bloody weird though innit how even when you originally say you don't want something, if someone else has it it can make you feel like, well that was mine!
Reminds me of being a child and I'd never let my mother give my old toys to anyone, I'd smash them to pieces before letting her give them to my cousins! |
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By *imiUKMan
over a year ago
Hereford |
"Yeah it's fine now, thanks all.
Just bloody weird though innit how even when you originally say you don't want something, if someone else has it it can make you feel like, well that was mine!
Reminds me of being a child and I'd never let my mother give my old toys to anyone, I'd smash them to pieces before letting her give them to my cousins! "
Its not a bad thing, per se. I'm the opposite, I'm often surprised if someone wants to meet me a second time, and I'm shit at texting people and tend to write them on here. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Just discovered if you block and then unblock someone it removes your verification off their page and takes it off your own. Can they still have the option to display it again though? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just discovered if you block and then unblock someone it removes your verification off their page and takes it off your own. Can they still have the option to display it again though?"
Thank you very much for that tip !!! 
I always wondered  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Pressed post before I wrote the actual thing, duh!!!
Anyway, met a dude a few times la la la all good but they were weekday meets and not full night which is what I want. Side said yep still happy for us to be exclusive but his work makes planning difficult, ok, I said I can only concentrate on one dude at a time so wished each other well and that was that. Was asked agin spur of the moment if I could meet, I couldn't (have to arrange child care) asked again earlier but noticed he's got a day old veri, I can't be jealous umm I don't actually feel jealous I feel slighted if that's the correct term. I'm being unreasonable aren't i? Yes I can see it.
Where does it come from though, I have logic, I haven't been rejected so can't feel bad about that it's just weird like! "
Liking/falling for someone on fab and expecting or hoping to have an exclsive relationship is like dating a spy ...you will never know what they are thinking or doing when youre not there...until you sign the wedding register.  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Just discovered if you block and then unblock someone it removes your verification off their page and takes it off your own. Can they still have the option to display it again though?
Thank you very much for that tip !!!
I always wondered "
Doesn't work if you unblock them, just noticed it comes back. Would have to keep them blocked. I've just asked if he will not display my veri. Don't want to put my name to anything cos he's putting meet requests up everyday now and he's never done that before. Looks thirsty when you do that and I don't want my name on anyone's profile that looks thirsty. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's a form of jealousy.
You wanted more from him before this happened. You dont like that you are not important to him. When you couldn't meet part of you wanted him to miss you. And he didn't.
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"Like before I said right I'm knocking this on the head now because I want more than what you can offer, I could have carried on meeting him when he was free but I didn't want that arrangement. So I have no right to feel any sort of annoyance, but I do, why? It's not even annoyed I can't put it into words on a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being mega pissed off I'd say this was a 0.5 but I shouldn't even have that. Why do I?"
is it that you want more than NSA, or is it that you want the sex but want that to be exclusive to you with the partner..?
or a relationship, though not at this time..
distancing the emotional side does work for some yes if its just mutually satisfying sex but other people do need to form an attachment with the other person to 'let them in' so to speak..
I think if there is any degree of jealousy with this aspect then that isn't a positive thing and may only cause angst..
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's a form of jealousy.
You wanted more from him before this happened. You dont like that you are not important to him. When you couldn't meet part of you wanted him to miss you. And he didn't.
"
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
is it that you want more than NSA, or is it that you want the sex but want that to be exclusive to you with the partner..?
or a relationship, though not at this time..
distancing the emotional side does work for some yes if its just mutually satisfying sex but other people do need to form an attachment with the other person to 'let them in' so to speak..
I think if there is any degree of jealousy with this aspect then that isn't a positive thing and may only cause angst..
"
I dunno, I didn't feel it the couple of times I did shag but now I feel a bit used. Think I'm too sensitive for this place and I definitely can't do NSA unless I shag them and then they leave the site. I don't like to see the aftermath, the stuff they do after do you know what I mean. Easily replaceable that's what I don't like, it feels insulting that's more the feeling rather than being jealous or anything else it's not that kind of feeling it's the same sort of feeling as if someone said an insult to me! |
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"Just discovered if you block and then unblock someone it removes your verification off their page and takes it off your own. Can they still have the option to display it again though?
Thank you very much for that tip !!!
I always wondered
Doesn't work if you unblock them, just noticed it comes back. Would have to keep them blocked. I've just asked if he will not display my veri. Don't want to put my name to anything cos he's putting meet requests up everyday now and he's never done that before. Looks thirsty when you do that and I don't want my name on anyone's profile that looks thirsty. "
If it wasn't jealousy before its petty now. Like it or lump it, it's his veri to do with as he wants. The veri is there ro prove he is real and he turns up when arranged.
He has done nothing wrong. You weren't available so he met someone else. You told him you wanted more so you knocked it on the head now your pissed because he is putting meets up? |
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"Pressed post before I wrote the actual thing, duh!!!
Anyway, met a dude a few times la la la all good but they were weekday meets and not full night which is what I want. Side said yep still happy for us to be exclusive but his work makes planning difficult, ok, I said I can only concentrate on one dude at a time so wished each other well and that was that. Was asked agin spur of the moment if I could meet, I couldn't (have to arrange child care) asked again earlier but noticed he's got a day old veri, I can't be jealous umm I don't actually feel jealous I feel slighted if that's the correct term. I'm being unreasonable aren't i? Yes I can see it.
Where does it come from though, I have logic, I haven't been rejected so can't feel bad about that it's just weird like!
Liking/falling for someone on fab and expecting or hoping to have an exclsive relationship is like dating a spy ...you will never know what they are thinking or doing when youre not there...until you sign the wedding register. "
You'd only feel like this if you were a jealous person anyway .... I think I trust my partner more because I met him on fab because we are totally honest and open about what we like, want and need ... we don't need to pretend or hide anything. So, for us it's quite the opposite. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Just discovered if you block and then unblock someone it removes your verification off their page and takes it off your own. Can they still have the option to display it again though?
Thank you very much for that tip !!!
I always wondered
Doesn't work if you unblock them, just noticed it comes back. Would have to keep them blocked. I've just asked if he will not display my veri. Don't want to put my name to anything cos he's putting meet requests up everyday now and he's never done that before. Looks thirsty when you do that and I don't want my name on anyone's profile that looks thirsty.
If it wasn't jealousy before its petty now. Like it or lump it, it's his veri to do with as he wants. The veri is there ro prove he is real and he turns up when arranged.
He has done nothing wrong. You weren't available so he met someone else. You told him you wanted more so you knocked it on the head now your pissed because he is putting meets up?"
I know, it's stupid isn't it but I dunno why I'm like this. It's all good saying I'm petty I already know this but I wanna know what causes me to be like this when your average person wouldn't be bothered. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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hi hun have seen a cpl of your recent post and i am wondering if the swinging lifestyle is really for you
It seems to me to be bringing out some rather negative thoughts and emotions for you that are causing distress and making you question a lot of things this is in no way a judgment hun and i myself have felt some of the things you have highlighted at times i just think mabe your a sensitive girl who takes things to heart and swinging can be detrimental due its very nature if you dont have a quite thick skin |
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"
is it that you want more than NSA, or is it that you want the sex but want that to be exclusive to you with the partner..?
or a relationship, though not at this time..
distancing the emotional side does work for some yes if its just mutually satisfying sex but other people do need to form an attachment with the other person to 'let them in' so to speak..
I think if there is any degree of jealousy with this aspect then that isn't a positive thing and may only cause angst..
I dunno, I didn't feel it the couple of times I did shag but now I feel a bit used. Think I'm too sensitive for this place and I definitely can't do NSA unless I shag them and then they leave the site. I don't like to see the aftermath, the stuff they do after do you know what I mean. Easily replaceable that's what I don't like, it feels insulting that's more the feeling rather than being jealous or anything else it's not that kind of feeling it's the same sort of feeling as if someone said an insult to me!"
you find it an insult because someone you no longer meet is meeting others? Im sorry teabag, but this is predominantly a nsa site. Now i can see you want them to be excusive while your shagging and its up to the guy whether he wants this but now your wanting to act in a certain way afterwards. He saw you the same as everyone else, had some fun and moved on without a second thought. Why should he be worrying about you. Why not just block him oh but then you wouldnt be able to keep tabs on him |
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"Just discovered if you block and then unblock someone it removes your verification off their page and takes it off your own. Can they still have the option to display it again though?
Thank you very much for that tip !!!
I always wondered
Doesn't work if you unblock them, just noticed it comes back. Would have to keep them blocked. I've just asked if he will not display my veri. Don't want to put my name to anything cos he's putting meet requests up everyday now and he's never done that before. Looks thirsty when you do that and I don't want my name on anyone's profile that looks thirsty.
If it wasn't jealousy before its petty now. Like it or lump it, it's his veri to do with as he wants. The veri is there ro prove he is real and he turns up when arranged.
He has done nothing wrong. You weren't available so he met someone else. You told him you wanted more so you knocked it on the head now your pissed because he is putting meets up?
I know, it's stupid isn't it but I dunno why I'm like this. It's all good saying I'm petty I already know this but I wanna know what causes me to be like this when your average person wouldn't be bothered. "
Honestly? I think we all have a little pang of jealousy if someome we like meets someone else, especially if we were asked to meet them first. You're not that odd to be perfectly honest with you,it's just how you deal with it that makes a difference.
Truthfully what would you think.if you asked someone to meet you but they couldn't then they ask you to remove all trace that they met you simply because you used the site for what it was designed for? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
is it that you want more than NSA, or is it that you want the sex but want that to be exclusive to you with the partner..?
or a relationship, though not at this time..
distancing the emotional side does work for some yes if its just mutually satisfying sex but other people do need to form an attachment with the other person to 'let them in' so to speak..
I think if there is any degree of jealousy with this aspect then that isn't a positive thing and may only cause angst..
I dunno, I didn't feel it the couple of times I did shag but now I feel a bit used. Think I'm too sensitive for this place and I definitely can't do NSA unless I shag them and then they leave the site. I don't like to see the aftermath, the stuff they do after do you know what I mean. Easily replaceable that's what I don't like, it feels insulting that's more the feeling rather than being jealous or anything else it's not that kind of feeling it's the same sort of feeling as if someone said an insult to me!"
I get where you are coming from here...sometimes i think I'm far too sensitive and think about removing myself but on the other hand, I'd miss out on the opportunity of a good fuck lol... |
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"Like before I said right I'm knocking this on the head now because I want more than what you can offer, I could have carried on meeting him when he was free but I didn't want that arrangement. So I have no right to feel any sort of annoyance, but I do, why? It's not even annoyed I can't put it into words on a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being mega pissed off I'd say this was a 0.5 but I shouldn't even have that. Why do I?"
You're human and have emotions that sometimes might not add up? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My wife and I were due to have our first meet last Sunday. Gorgeous girl, lots of fun planned but we had to cancel earlier in the week. She ended up meeting someone else. Who done all the things that I wanted to do. So it hurt. I was happy for her but I still got a twang. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
you find it an insult because someone you no longer meet is meeting others? Im sorry teabag, but this is predominantly a nsa site. Now i can see you want them to be excusive while your shagging and its up to the guy whether he wants this but now your wanting to act in a certain way afterwards. He saw you the same as everyone else, had some fun and moved on without a second thought. Why should he be worrying about you. Why not just block him oh but then you wouldnt be able to keep tabs on him"
Why do all your posts towards me have to have the same bitchy undertone? I know I shouldn't be this way, it's pretty pointless saying I'm this and that when I'm telling you I'm this and that but trying to find out why. I know he hasn't done anything wrong I said this from the start, it was me that said I need more than just being able to meet as and when he was free so he is completely within his rights to find someone that can do spur of the moment meets. I just want someone to identify with this feeling of being insulted or having my nose put out of joint so I can not be like this. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just discovered if you block and then unblock someone it removes your verification off their page and takes it off your own. Can they still have the option to display it again though?
Thank you very much for that tip !!!
I always wondered
Doesn't work if you unblock them, just noticed it comes back. Would have to keep them blocked. I've just asked if he will not display my veri. Don't want to put my name to anything cos he's putting meet requests up everyday now and he's never done that before. Looks thirsty when you do that and I don't want my name on anyone's profile that looks thirsty.
If it wasn't jealousy before its petty now. Like it or lump it, it's his veri to do with as he wants. The veri is there ro prove he is real and he turns up when arranged.
He has done nothing wrong. You weren't available so he met someone else. You told him you wanted more so you knocked it on the head now your pissed because he is putting meets up?
I know, it's stupid isn't it but I dunno why I'm like this. It's all good saying I'm petty I already know this but I wanna know what causes me to be like this when your average person wouldn't be bothered. "
I think average people would be bothered, even if just at a 0.5 level like you said. This forum is the wrong place to ask for advice on feelings. The amount of emotionless robots on here is quite shocking really.
You're human. You're not hurting anyone, you just have feelings. Feelings are normal. |
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"
you find it an insult because someone you no longer meet is meeting others? Im sorry teabag, but this is predominantly a nsa site. Now i can see you want them to be excusive while your shagging and its up to the guy whether he wants this but now your wanting to act in a certain way afterwards. He saw you the same as everyone else, had some fun and moved on without a second thought. Why should he be worrying about you. Why not just block him oh but then you wouldnt be able to keep tabs on him
Why do all your posts towards me have to have the same bitchy undertone? I know I shouldn't be this way, it's pretty pointless saying I'm this and that when I'm telling you I'm this and that but trying to find out why. I know he hasn't done anything wrong I said this from the start, it was me that said I need more than just being able to meet as and when he was free so he is completely within his rights to find someone that can do spur of the moment meets. I just want someone to identify with this feeling of being insulted or having my nose put out of joint so I can not be like this. "
bitchy or the fact im honest. You post threads then get upset when you dont get the answers you want. You did the same on one of the threads you posted the other day. Which is always surprising from someone who values honesty.
The reason you are feeling like it is the fact that the guy is using the site as it was intended.
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you find it an insult because someone you no longer meet is meeting others? Im sorry teabag, but this is predominantly a nsa site. Now i can see you want them to be excusive while your shagging and its up to the guy whether he wants this but now your wanting to act in a certain way afterwards. He saw you the same as everyone else, had some fun and moved on without a second thought. Why should he be worrying about you. Why not just block him oh but then you wouldnt be able to keep tabs on him
Why do all your posts towards me have to have the same bitchy undertone? I know I shouldn't be this way, it's pretty pointless saying I'm this and that when I'm telling you I'm this and that but trying to find out why. I know he hasn't done anything wrong I said this from the start, it was me that said I need more than just being able to meet as and when he was free so he is completely within his rights to find someone that can do spur of the moment meets. I just want someone to identify with this feeling of being insulted or having my nose put out of joint so I can not be like this. bitchy or the fact im honest. You post threads then get upset when you dont get the answers you want. You did the same on one of the threads you posted the other day. Which is always surprising from someone who values honesty.
The reason you are feeling like it is the fact that the guy is using the site as it was intended.
"
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"Just discovered if you block and then unblock someone it removes your verification off their page and takes it off your own. Can they still have the option to display it again though?
Thank you very much for that tip !!!
I always wondered
Doesn't work if you unblock them, just noticed it comes back. Would have to keep them blocked. I've just asked if he will not display my veri. Don't want to put my name to anything cos he's putting meet requests up everyday now and he's never done that before. Looks thirsty when you do that and I don't want my name on anyone's profile that looks thirsty.
If it wasn't jealousy before its petty now. Like it or lump it, it's his veri to do with as he wants. The veri is there ro prove he is real and he turns up when arranged.
He has done nothing wrong. You weren't available so he met someone else. You told him you wanted more so you knocked it on the head now your pissed because he is putting meets up?
I know, it's stupid isn't it but I dunno why I'm like this. It's all good saying I'm petty I already know this but I wanna know what causes me to be like this when your average person wouldn't be bothered.
I think average people would be bothered, even if just at a 0.5 level like you said. This forum is the wrong place to ask for advice on feelings. The amount of emotionless robots on here is quite shocking really.
You're human. You're not hurting anyone, you just have feelings. Feelings are normal."
emotionless robots or using the site to find like minded adults for nsa fun |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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life would be so much easier if we had an off switch for feelings and emotions but unfortunately we are complexed little buggers and they are a necessary evil
its not about being right or wrong when we feel something for someone we have made a connection with and it does hurt n sting when something happens that makes us question ourselves
All feeling are valid to the individual and should be met with compassion and understanding not condemnation or judgment yes sometimes our feelings can seem asque or irrational to others but thats the whole point they are OUR feelings n its hurts when WE FEEL they have been trampled on
huggies teabag hun hope you feel better soon xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just discovered if you block and then unblock someone it removes your verification off their page and takes it off your own. Can they still have the option to display it again though?
Thank you very much for that tip !!!
I always wondered
Doesn't work if you unblock them, just noticed it comes back. Would have to keep them blocked. I've just asked if he will not display my veri. Don't want to put my name to anything cos he's putting meet requests up everyday now and he's never done that before. Looks thirsty when you do that and I don't want my name on anyone's profile that looks thirsty.
If it wasn't jealousy before its petty now. Like it or lump it, it's his veri to do with as he wants. The veri is there ro prove he is real and he turns up when arranged.
He has done nothing wrong. You weren't available so he met someone else. You told him you wanted more so you knocked it on the head now your pissed because he is putting meets up?
I know, it's stupid isn't it but I dunno why I'm like this. It's all good saying I'm petty I already know this but I wanna know what causes me to be like this when your average person wouldn't be bothered.
I think average people would be bothered, even if just at a 0.5 level like you said. This forum is the wrong place to ask for advice on feelings. The amount of emotionless robots on here is quite shocking really.
You're human. You're not hurting anyone, you just have feelings. Feelings are normal.emotionless robots or using the site to find like minded adults for nsa fun"
Emotionless robots are the ones I am referring to.
Not everyone seeking NSA is an emotionless robot. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"
you find it an insult because someone you no longer meet is meeting others? Im sorry teabag, but this is predominantly a nsa site. Now i can see you want them to be excusive while your shagging and its up to the guy whether he wants this but now your wanting to act in a certain way afterwards. He saw you the same as everyone else, had some fun and moved on without a second thought. Why should he be worrying about you. Why not just block him oh but then you wouldnt be able to keep tabs on him
Why do all your posts towards me have to have the same bitchy undertone? I know I shouldn't be this way, it's pretty pointless saying I'm this and that when I'm telling you I'm this and that but trying to find out why. I know he hasn't done anything wrong I said this from the start, it was me that said I need more than just being able to meet as and when he was free so he is completely within his rights to find someone that can do spur of the moment meets. I just want someone to identify with this feeling of being insulted or having my nose put out of joint so I can not be like this.
Bitchy or the fact im honest. You post threads then get upset when you dont get the answers you want. You did the same on one of the threads you posted the other day. Which is always surprising from someone who values honesty.
The reason you are feeling like it is the fact that the guy is using the site as it was intended.
"
I think upset is the wrong word to use, more perplexed than anything, trying to explain in layman terms that I am aware that I shouldn't be bothered about this stuff but I am and I don't want to be. Saying I feel like this because he's using the site as it's intended is not explaining anything. It's just telling me what I already know!
Anyway the more I discuss this my thoughts have turned to disinterest now. Nice to know that other people get these twangs and maybe the solution is to just meet people and don't do anything with them until I know what they're willing to do. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"
I know, it's stupid isn't it but I dunno why I'm like this. It's all good saying I'm petty I already know this but I wanna know what causes me to be like this when your average person wouldn't be bothered.
I think average people would be bothered, even if just at a 0.5 level like you said. This forum is the wrong place to ask for advice on feelings. The amount of emotionless robots on here is quite shocking really.
You're human. You're not hurting anyone, you just have feelings. Feelings are normal.
emotionless robots or using the site to find like minded adults for nsa fun
Emotionless robots are the ones I am referring to.
Not everyone seeking NSA is an emotionless robot. "
Think it's easy for someone who has love and affection from an established partner to say they can use this site for pure NSA extra sex. They get all the smush from the relationship so can just have sex without thinking about anything. |
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"
you find it an insult because someone you no longer meet is meeting others? Im sorry teabag, but this is predominantly a nsa site. Now i can see you want them to be excusive while your shagging and its up to the guy whether he wants this but now your wanting to act in a certain way afterwards. He saw you the same as everyone else, had some fun and moved on without a second thought. Why should he be worrying about you. Why not just block him oh but then you wouldnt be able to keep tabs on him
Why do all your posts towards me have to have the same bitchy undertone? I know I shouldn't be this way, it's pretty pointless saying I'm this and that when I'm telling you I'm this and that but trying to find out why. I know he hasn't done anything wrong I said this from the start, it was me that said I need more than just being able to meet as and when he was free so he is completely within his rights to find someone that can do spur of the moment meets. I just want someone to identify with this feeling of being insulted or having my nose put out of joint so I can not be like this.
Bitchy or the fact im honest. You post threads then get upset when you dont get the answers you want. You did the same on one of the threads you posted the other day. Which is always surprising from someone who values honesty.
The reason you are feeling like it is the fact that the guy is using the site as it was intended.
I think upset is the wrong word to use, more perplexed than anything, trying to explain in layman terms that I am aware that I shouldn't be bothered about this stuff but I am and I don't want to be. Saying I feel like this because he's using the site as it's intended is not explaining anything. It's just telling me what I already know!
Anyway the more I discuss this my thoughts have turned to disinterest now. Nice to know that other people get these twangs and maybe the solution is to just meet people and don't do anything with them until I know what they're willing to do. "
i think your right with your last paragraph. Chat to people be completly honest with what you/want expect. Then you both know without you constantly causing yourself angst. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
This
We are all Indispensable and interchangeable on here. It's takes a while to get a thicker skin.
Just be yourself and don't fall into the trap of plaing games. Good luck |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
Ahhhh no I've just had a load of other thoughts. What if I met a guy not this one but in future and then he met someone else and then they could talk together about how mental I am, ffs yeah I don't like this. I don't like the idea of people meeting after me and saying how much of a weirdo I am. Any guy I met in future would have to be someone for a long time and possibly willing to come off here. I'm asking a lot cos I'd want to stay for the forums. I can see how I didn't fuck anyone for nearly 2 years. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
I know, it's stupid isn't it but I dunno why I'm like this. It's all good saying I'm petty I already know this but I wanna know what causes me to be like this when your average person wouldn't be bothered.
I think average people would be bothered, even if just at a 0.5 level like you said. This forum is the wrong place to ask for advice on feelings. The amount of emotionless robots on here is quite shocking really.
You're human. You're not hurting anyone, you just have feelings. Feelings are normal.
emotionless robots or using the site to find like minded adults for nsa fun
Emotionless robots are the ones I am referring to.
Not everyone seeking NSA is an emotionless robot.
Think it's easy for someone who has love and affection from an established partner to say they can use this site for pure NSA extra sex. They get all the smush from the relationship so can just have sex without thinking about anything. "
I think you're very brave and honest. I've had similar thoughts about past meets and was like WTF  . I think I partly miss being in a relationship.
Yes we all know this is a swinging site but people have feelings.  .
Good luck going forward |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"We are not robots, sometimes we do get feelings of annoyance and we know it's illogical, doesn't stop us feeling it though "
pretty much this, just because it doesnt make sense doesnt mean you dont feel it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
You like him,of course you're going to be miffed or a little hurt that he's seeing others. Whatever it is it's natural. It's the getting over it that can make it a problem for you. By looking at his profile you're only twisting the knife. |
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"Ahhhh no I've just had a load of other thoughts. What if I met a guy not this one but in future and then he met someone else and then they could talk together about how mental I am, ffs yeah I don't like this. I don't like the idea of people meeting after me and saying how much of a weirdo I am. Any guy I met in future would have to be someone for a long time and possibly willing to come off here. I'm asking a lot cos I'd want to stay for the forums. I can see how I didn't fuck anyone for nearly 2 years. "
You are repeating your childhood ways. You're looking to break your toy again, by taking away the verification you left for him, so no one else wants him. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"You like him,of course you're going to be miffed or a little hurt that he's seeing others. Whatever it is it's natural. It's the getting over it that can make it a problem for you. By looking at his profile you're only twisting the knife. "
Do you know the even more irrational thing is I didn't even like him that much, yeah obviously I think he's a nice person that was nothing but honest but I certainly didn't have feelings for him so it makes the whole thing even more stupid! It's my time of the month as well so dunno if that plays a part. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Seems to me you're upset because you thought you were special and him finding someone else so easily means you're not.
If you knocked it on the head because you wanted more and he didn't come back and offer more it's again finding out that you're replaceable.
From what I've read it seems like you maybe used to being the centre of attention and when you're not it's annoying because it's not what you're used to.
You've said you can't do NSA and I get where you're coming from but hoping to meet someone on here and turn it to more of a relationship is probably going to keep hurting you and wearing down yourself worth.
People are on here for NSA and if you meet on here you have to accept that most aren't looking for a relationship. It seems like you see this as a challenge and that once they meet you they'll want to be with you only.
I don't say any of this to offend you rather I'm being honest in answering your question.
I've been where you are too and it is upsetting but in all honesty. We're not that special and if you want to feel special it may be time for you to find a relationship with someone who wants one. |
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Emotional and logical responses are from different parts of ourselves, so will often be in conflict.
Sometimes we have to be willing to feel a discomfort, so that we can continue as we wish our lives to be.
As for relationships, we have to be honest with ourselves and partners for us to have greater chance for compatibility. This we where we can learn the most, when we've made poor choices or realise we need something else instead.
We feel what we but are not at the full control of our emotions - otherwise there would be hordes of people shagging the next person who they fancied, consent given or not.
Op you face a decision, probably over whether you're willing to be subject to your feelings over others that we have no likely expectations of anything but no strings or commitments to sex.
Sometimes we have to feel our way with things but there's no guidebook as we're all uniquely driven. And willing to make different compromises in life.
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Is it because on the scale of 1 to 10 you're Beyonce, and he's gone and made do with a Cyndi Lauper.
Now Cyndi Lauper is good, but she'll never be a Beyonce, and he shouldn't have gone there.
I know what I mean but does anybody else?? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Is it because on the scale of 1 to 10 you're Beyonce, and he's gone and made do with a Cyndi Lauper.
Now Cyndi Lauper is good, but she'll never be a Beyonce, and he shouldn't have gone there.
I know what I mean but does anybody else??"
I get you! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Is it because on the scale of 1 to 10 you're Beyonce, and he's gone and made do with a Cyndi Lauper.
Now Cyndi Lauper is good, but she'll never be a Beyonce, and he shouldn't have gone there.
I know what I mean but does anybody else??"
totally |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Seems to me you're upset because you thought you were special and him finding someone else so easily means you're not.
If you knocked it on the head because you wanted more and he didn't come back and offer more it's again finding out that you're replaceable.
From what I've read it seems like you maybe used to being the centre of attention and when you're not it's annoying because it's not what you're used to.
You've said you can't do NSA and I get where you're coming from but hoping to meet someone on here and turn it to more of a relationship is probably going to keep hurting you and wearing down yourself worth.
People are on here for NSA and if you meet on here you have to accept that most aren't looking for a relationship. It seems like you see this as a challenge and that once they meet you they'll want to be with you only.
I don't say any of this to offend you rather I'm being honest in answering your question.
I've been where you are too and it is upsetting but in all honesty. We're not that special and if you want to feel special it may be time for you to find a relationship with someone who wants one. "
No offence taken, absolutely bang on what you've said. I am quite childish in that respect, I do just want to be taken care of and made to feel super important. I think it's cos in my day to day life I'm doing things for lots of people, like I'm a mother first and foremost and that's a task in itself, I also am an agony aunt to everyone, all my family and friends and between them all they have a load of fucked up things going on, I feel sometimes like I carry everyone else's shit as well as my own. Also my jobs, like until this one I have now which is relaxing and easy I was a prison custody officer in a cat b male prison for 2 years, got pissed on, spat at, verbally assaulted, broke up fights as you can imagine in a prison. Plus I've been single almost 7 years so feel like I want someone to share shit with, like my ex playing up again would be nice for a boyfriend to be like look mate don't speak to my bird like shit. Fed up of battling people and propping every bastard up all the time. It's like I'm hard but I'm soft inside as well people around me think I can handle stuff so throw everything at me. I just wanna be like nah sort your own stuff out but I can't cos then I wouldn't be a good friend and there'll be a time where I'll need one of them.
There's loads of underlying reasons that's not even related to what I was originally moaning about! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
There's nothing wrong with wanting to share life with someone.
Maybe it's time you dropped your defences, stop trying to be what you think people need/want/desire and just be yourself.
You come across on here very bolshie at times but me thinks that's a little false bravado and you're just a girl who wants to be all things to everyone.
You need some affection in your life and someone who wants to stay the night.
Hopefully you'll meet someone who can give you that but it might be time you got out and started dating properly. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
It sounds like you've let your guard down a bit and let this guy into your emotions rather than it just being about the sex. Above all the bravado and demands of mega monster cocks it sounds like there's a sweet girl in there too who wants a bit if romance in your life, nowt wrong with that. Maybe subconsciously you were hoping this guy would come round to your way of thinking and offer you what you wanted but he's gone and shagged another girl and it's grated on you. We're only human after all. X |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Are you talking about the lad from Liverpool?"
Northern lad? Nooo, I know him from my fitness forums, didn't even meet him from here was off the other places, he's a friend. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
To be honest hunny, I don't think this is a very healthy place to be if you're feeling a bit delicate. The m/f ratio we keep getting reminded of is not natural, and it means you get bombarded with loads of messages, purely because you have a vagina. I know some women really get off on that level of attention, and when there's an area of your life that isn't being fulfilled, it can distort your view if you let it. This place isn't *real* and I think when you're a single fem on here it's really important to keep reminding yourself of that. I'm in a very similar situation to you....single parent, work 2 jobs, known as the person to go to for support, so believe me when I say I completely understand the desire to be "looked afer" every once in a while. But I think this is a risky place to look for that. Each to their own of course, but I deliberately steer clear of being monogamous with fwb on here (did someone say this is a swinger's site already?....  ) because it helps keep that bit of emotional distance, when you're not "getting it" from a partner. Often over time, fwb develop into something deeper anyway, but looking for exclusivity on a swingers site is, in my opinion, only going to cause you heartache. Maybe take some time out and just do things for *you*? Like, masturbation for starters?! Always helps me! xx |
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I think her reactions are perfectly natural, to be honest it is nsa sex which is UNnatural and of course singles are more vulnerable emotionally anyway, we do not have the security of a long term relationship.
OP is completely honest with herself and others about the fact she is seeking a relationship, and the reasons she is seeking one on here, which I fully understand. I am using dating sites but I have had some rubbish sex off them in the past and frankly I don't want to invest an enormous amount of time in someone who I may turn out to be sexually incompatible with, it's hard enough finding good sexual chemistry even when you DO discuss it in depth beforehand! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Are you talking about the lad from Liverpool?
Northern lad? Nooo, I know him from my fitness forums, didn't even meet him from here was off the other places, he's a friend. "
Ahhh ok just he cracked onto me on my old pro. I bobbed him off as I though he may of been tryin to stir it.
I think quite a few of your "issues" (being nice there) stem from your childhood. (Mine to too) xxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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" I am using dating sites but I have had some rubbish sex off them in the past and frankly I don't want to invest an enormous amount of time in someone who I may turn out to be sexually incompatible with, it's hard enough finding good sexual chemistry even when you DO discuss it in depth beforehand!"
Oh I hear you!!!! Xx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I think her reactions are perfectly natural, to be honest it is nsa sex which is UNnatural and of course singles are more vulnerable emotionally anyway, we do not have the security of a long term relationship.
OP is completely honest with herself and others about the fact she is seeking a relationship, and the reasons she is seeking one on here, which I fully understand. I am using dating sites but I have had some rubbish sex off them in the past and frankly I don't want to invest an enormous amount of time in someone who I may turn out to be sexually incompatible with, it's hard enough finding good sexual chemistry even when you DO discuss it in depth beforehand!"
Fucking hell, give this woman one of my lush roast potatoes cos she gets it! Everything, you've explained it all. From me explaining exactly what I want to the reasons why I am on here and not looking in the real world or conventional dating sites.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think her reactions are perfectly natural, to be honest it is nsa sex which is UNnatural and of course singles are more vulnerable emotionally anyway, we do not have the security of a long term relationship.
OP is completely honest with herself and others about the fact she is seeking a relationship, and the reasons she is seeking one on here, which I fully understand. I am using dating sites but I have had some rubbish sex off them in the past and frankly I don't want to invest an enormous amount of time in someone who I may turn out to be sexually incompatible with, it's hard enough finding good sexual chemistry even when you DO discuss it in depth beforehand!"
|
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Are you talking about the lad from Liverpool?
Northern lad? Nooo, I know him from my fitness forums, didn't even meet him from here was off the other places, he's a friend.
Ahhh ok just he cracked onto me on my old pro. I bobbed him off as I though he may of been tryin to stir it.
I think quite a few of your "issues" (being nice there) stem from your childhood. (Mine to too) xxx"
What do you mean by cracking onto you, do you mean asking you to meet, and by bobbing off, do you mean you pied him/turned him down?
You do know he uses the forums on here don't you so firstly you shouldn't really divulge the contents of a pm and secondly he can also confirm whether or not that is true.
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Are you talking about the lad from Liverpool?
Northern lad? Nooo, I know him from my fitness forums, didn't even meet him from here was off the other places, he's a friend.
Ahhh ok just he cracked onto me on my old pro. I bobbed him off as I though he may of been tryin to stir it.
I think quite a few of your "issues" (being nice there) stem from your childhood. (Mine to too) xxx
What do you mean by cracking onto you, do you mean asking you to meet, and by bobbing off, do you mean you pied him/turned him down?
You do know he uses the forums on here don't you so firstly you shouldn't really divulge the contents of a pm and secondly he can also confirm whether or not that is true.
"
Why would you think she's lying? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Seems to me you're upset because you thought you were special and him finding someone else so easily means you're not.
If you knocked it on the head because you wanted more and he didn't come back and offer more it's again finding out that you're replaceable.
From what I've read it seems like you maybe used to being the centre of attention and when you're not it's annoying because it's not what you're used to.
You've said you can't do NSA and I get where you're coming from but hoping to meet someone on here and turn it to more of a relationship is probably going to keep hurting you and wearing down yourself worth.
People are on here for NSA and if you meet on here you have to accept that most aren't looking for a relationship. It seems like you see this as a challenge and that once they meet you they'll want to be with you only.
I don't say any of this to offend you rather I'm being honest in answering your question.
I've been where you are too and it is upsetting but in all honesty. We're not that special and if you want to feel special it may be time for you to find a relationship with someone who wants one.
No offence taken, absolutely bang on what you've said. I am quite childish in that respect, I do just want to be taken care of and made to feel super important. I think it's cos in my day to day life I'm doing things for lots of people, like I'm a mother first and foremost and that's a task in itself, I also am an agony aunt to everyone, all my family and friends and between them all they have a load of fucked up things going on, I feel sometimes like I carry everyone else's shit as well as my own. Also my jobs, like until this one I have now which is relaxing and easy I was a prison custody officer in a cat b male prison for 2 years, got pissed on, spat at, verbally assaulted, broke up fights as you can imagine in a prison. Plus I've been single almost 7 years so feel like I want someone to share shit with, like my ex playing up again would be nice for a boyfriend to be like look mate don't speak to my bird like shit. Fed up of battling people and propping every bastard up all the time. It's like I'm hard but I'm soft inside as well people around me think I can handle stuff so throw everything at me. I just wanna be like nah sort your own stuff out but I can't cos then I wouldn't be a good friend and there'll be a time where I'll need one of them.
There's loads of underlying reasons that's not even related to what I was originally moaning about! "
well this bit sounds just like me! My house has a nick name, house of rant, cos friends know they can come here for a brew/beer, let off steam, rant/cry whatever and it goes no further. When I want to do the same?.. can't. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I think it's better if you just block the guy and leave well alone. That removes your verification, but also stops you from checking on him. Just chalk it up to experience, learn from it to avoid feeling this way again, and move forward, xxx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I think it's better if you just block the guy and leave well alone. That removes your verification, but also stops you from checking on him. Just chalk it up to experience, learn from it to avoid feeling this way again, and move forward, xxx"
It's fine now was just the initial thought of it, like I said it didn't bother me that much I just felt a bit slighted. I've had my cooked dinner now and I'm nicely satisfied and happy with a full belly! |
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"Are you talking about the lad from Liverpool?
Northern lad? Nooo, I know him from my fitness forums, didn't even meet him from here was off the other places, he's a friend.
Ahhh ok just he cracked onto me on my old pro. I bobbed him off as I though he may of been tryin to stir it.
I think quite a few of your "issues" (being nice there) stem from your childhood. (Mine to too) xxx
What do you mean by cracking onto you, do you mean asking you to meet, and by bobbing off, do you mean you pied him/turned him down?
You do know he uses the forums on here don't you so firstly you shouldn't really divulge the contents of a pm and secondly he can also confirm whether or not that is true.
"
What does it matter if he did or didn't crack on to her though? |
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By *andsonjohnMan
over a year ago
in the eye of the storm |
everything you felt was natural the reason for the feeling were to do with the fact you value yourself .you have a sense of worth self respect pride and although the fella did no wrong his actions for a split second made you question you own sense of worth and your value as a human being to others .
all natural feeling in my book and if I was you I'd be more worried if you didn't feel anything over his actions .
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think it's better if you just block the guy and leave well alone. That removes your verification, but also stops you from checking on him. Just chalk it up to experience, learn from it to avoid feeling this way again, and move forward, xxx
It's fine now was just the initial thought of it, like I said it didn't bother me that much I just felt a bit slighted. I've had my cooked dinner now and I'm nicely satisfied and happy with a full belly! "
time of the month+hungry makes me a satanic bitch, you've done well to stay this mild... |
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By *anky_PankyWoman
over a year ago
Filthy Fuckeryville |
"Ahhhh no I've just had a load of other thoughts. What if I met a guy not this one but in future and then he met someone else and then they could talk together about how mental I am, ffs yeah I don't like this. I don't like the idea of people meeting after me and saying how much of a weirdo I am. Any guy I met in future would have to be someone for a long time and possibly willing to come off here. I'm asking a lot cos I'd want to stay for the forums. I can see how I didn't fuck anyone for nearly 2 years. "
Are you really sure a swinging lifestyle is right for you lovely? I know using this site gets you the sizes you require, but it's NSA and that's not what you seem to want x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just discovered if you block and then unblock someone it removes your verification off their page and takes it off your own. Can they still have the option to display it again though?
Thank you very much for that tip !!!
I always wondered
Doesn't work if you unblock them, just noticed it comes back. Would have to keep them blocked. I've just asked if he will not display my veri. Don't want to put my name to anything cos he's putting meet requests up everyday now and he's never done that before. Looks thirsty when you do that and I don't want my name on anyone's profile that looks thirsty.
If it wasn't jealousy before its petty now. Like it or lump it, it's his veri to do with as he wants. The veri is there ro prove he is real and he turns up when arranged.
He has done nothing wrong. You weren't available so he met someone else. You told him you wanted more so you knocked it on the head now your pissed because he is putting meets up?
I know, it's stupid isn't it but I dunno why I'm like this. It's all good saying I'm petty I already know this but I wanna know what causes me to be like this when your average person wouldn't be bothered. "
insecurity and far too sensitive and needy. ..sorry !!! ...he's done nothing wrong and to help you not feel like you do you need to work on them 3 things. .once you've mastered them you'll be a whole lot more attractive sweetie xx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"everything you felt was natural the reason for the feeling were to do with the fact you value yourself .you have a sense of worth self respect pride and although the fella did no wrong his actions for a split second made you question you own sense of worth and your value as a human being to others .
all natural feeling in my book and if I was you I'd be more worried if you didn't feel anything over his actions .
"
That's exactly what it is, I treat the guys I'm with as very high value because to me they've been carefully selected based on their looks and penis size. To see a guy just ploughing his way through different birds every night and knowing I was lumped together with them isn't a good for the old ego. |
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"Yeah it's fine now, thanks all.
Just bloody weird though innit how even when you originally say you don't want something, if someone else has it it can make you feel like, well that was mine!
Reminds me of being a child and I'd never let my mother give my old toys to anyone, I'd smash them to pieces before letting her give them to my cousins! "
It's human nature. We all feel it at times, then have to rationalise it. Be honest with yourself. X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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In the past teabags , you have openly admitted you're not a swinger . So the opinions of swingers will never make sense to you . Having said that , you accept your reasoning on this one is odd .
Well here's the thing . This post and most of your previous posts come to that , are almost unique on a swingers site as you have the following as meet criteria .
1. Entitlement .
2. Exclusivity .
3. Selfishness .
It's difficult to evaluate an answer to your issues , which clearly go back to you being somewhat akin to a spoilt brat . This may sound harsh , but when you throw your toys out of the pram because someone meets someone else when you aren't free , and you freely admit you would rather smash your toys up rather than someone else have them , how else are we to perceive you ?
You then tell someone you have met to remove your veri as they met someone else , and are looking for more meets . On a swinging site !
You're an attractive young lady , and to be fair you're very honest on the forum . But I can't help thinking you may not be doing yourself any favours at all with this honesty . Potential meets who have read your posts would surely think twice before opening the Pandora's box which awaits them ...... |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"In the past teabags , you have openly admitted you're not a swinger . So the opinions of swingers will never make sense to you . Having said that , you accept your reasoning on this one is odd .
Well here's the thing . This post and most of your previous posts come to that , are almost unique on a swingers site as you have the following as meet criteria .
1. Entitlement .
2. Exclusivity .
3. Selfishness .
It's difficult to evaluate an answer to your issues , which clearly go back to you being somewhat akin to a spoilt brat . This may sound harsh , but when you throw your toys out of the pram because someone meets someone else when you aren't free , and you freely admit you would rather smash your toys up rather than someone else have them , how else are we to perceive you ?
You then tell someone you have met to remove your veri as they met someone else , and are looking for more meets . On a swinging site !
You're an attractive young lady , and to be fair you're very honest on the forum . But I can't help thinking you may not be doing yourself any favours at all with this honesty . Potential meets who have read your posts would surely think twice before opening the Pandora's box which awaits them ......"
There's nothing you two can say that I will take offence to or think you're being harsh cos I respect you, think you're the most experienced and most honest and I know you know a bit about me from other threads so can give a wider based answer.
I do try to prewarn potential meets that I am hard work and prone to being a bit unbalanced and crazy but I think they think aw she can't be that bad, either that or they just don't care.
I just hate having anything used against me or being made to feel a fool so I always say right this is what I am I'm mental I'm a weirdo, I'll call myself all the cunt names under sun so then if anyone says after oh she's this or that I just say yeah and what, I know! Then they have nothing.
I've always been like that, like I'll say every bad thing about myself because I hate people thinking they can use something against me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm the opposite to you Teabags,I shrugged my shoulders when my husband cheated,I don't care if men put others before me,and I read verifications and feel nothing. I don't know which is worse; feeling everything or feeling nothing. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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hun after reading the above i really do think fab is mabe the wrong site for you my heart goes out to anyone who has issues that affect their thinking n view of themselves (i am bi polar with bourderline body dismorfic issues that come n go when in episodes) to read you put yourself down so others cant affect or hurt you more than you do yourself is bloody heartbreaking |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"hun after reading the above i really do think fab is mabe the wrong site for you my heart goes out to anyone who has issues that affect their thinking n view of themselves (i am bi polar with bourderline body dismorfic issues that come n go when in episodes) to read you put yourself down so others cant affect or hurt you more than you do yourself is bloody heartbreaking"
Honestly don't feel bad it doesn't hurt me when I do it, it's more just to say I'm aware I'm a little strange and I love myself despite these things so being told it by someone else won't have the desired impact that they may be hoping for. It's like if I put a top on back to front and I went out and was like yeah I know my tops inside out I want it like that, someone then can't come up to me and be like oh my god your tops inside out ha ha. Do you know what I mean?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Pressed post before I wrote the actual thing, duh!!!
Anyway, met a dude a few times la la la all good but they were weekday meets and not full night which is what I want. Side said yep still happy for us to be exclusive but his work makes planning difficult, ok, I said I can only concentrate on one dude at a time so wished each other well and that was that. Was asked agin spur of the moment if I could meet, I couldn't (have to arrange child care) asked again earlier but noticed he's got a day old veri, I can't be jealous umm I don't actually feel jealous I feel slighted if that's the correct term. I'm being unreasonable aren't i? Yes I can see it.
Where does it come from though, I have logic, I haven't been rejected so can't feel bad about that it's just weird like! "
It's a woman thing, it's quite normal. XXX |
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By *andsonjohnMan
over a year ago
in the eye of the storm |
"everything you felt was natural the reason for the feeling were to do with the fact you value yourself .you have a sense of worth self respect pride and although the fella did no wrong his actions for a split second made you question you own sense of worth and your value as a human being to others .
all natural feeling in my book and if I was you I'd be more worried if you didn't feel anything over his actions .
That's exactly what it is, I treat the guys I'm with as very high value because to me they've been carefully selected based on their looks and penis size. To see a guy just ploughing his way through different birds every night and knowing I was lumped together with them isn't a good for the old ego. "
No its not even I as a man am not impressed if I feel I'm not being treated with the same respect I treat those I choose to play with .
In fact if I feel this is happening I put a stop to the fun there and then .
Yes its bloody hard finding a suitable fwb but I'd rather not have one if I feel I'm not being treated in a way that matches how I treat them . |
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"everything you felt was natural the reason for the feeling were to do with the fact you value yourself .you have a sense of worth self respect pride and although the fella did no wrong his actions for a split second made you question you own sense of worth and your value as a human being to others .
all natural feeling in my book and if I was you I'd be more worried if you didn't feel anything over his actions .
That's exactly what it is, I treat the guys I'm with as very high value because to me they've been carefully selected based on their looks and penis size. To see a guy just ploughing his way through different birds every night and knowing I was lumped together with them isn't a good for the old ego.
No its not even I as a man am not impressed if I feel I'm not being treated with the same respect I treat those I choose to play with .
In fact if I feel this is happening I put a stop to the fun there and then .
Yes its bloody hard finding a suitable fwb but I'd rather not have one if I feel I'm not being treated in a way that matches how I treat them . "
Yes that's crucial for me too - there are many different types of relationship possible on here, from the most fleeting encounter in a club upwards, but there always needs to be parity, mutual agreement.
|
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"everything you felt was natural the reason for the feeling were to do with the fact you value yourself .you have a sense of worth self respect pride and although the fella did no wrong his actions for a split second made you question you own sense of worth and your value as a human being to others .
all natural feeling in my book and if I was you I'd be more worried if you didn't feel anything over his actions .
That's exactly what it is, I treat the guys I'm with as very high value because to me they've been carefully selected based on their looks and penis size. To see a guy just ploughing his way through different birds every night and knowing I was lumped together with them isn't a good for the old ego.
No its not even I as a man am not impressed if I feel I'm not being treated with the same respect I treat those I choose to play with .
In fact if I feel this is happening I put a stop to the fun there and then .
Yes its bloody hard finding a suitable fwb but I'd rather not have one if I feel I'm not being treated in a way that matches how I treat them . "
Yes that's crucial for me too - there are many different types of relationship possible on here, from the most fleeting encounter in a club upwards, but there always needs to be parity, mutual agreement.
|
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By *andsonjohnMan
over a year ago
in the eye of the storm |
"everything you felt was natural the reason for the feeling were to do with the fact you value yourself .you have a sense of worth self respect pride and although the fella did no wrong his actions for a split second made you question you own sense of worth and your value as a human being to others .
all natural feeling in my book and if I was you I'd be more worried if you didn't feel anything over his actions .
That's exactly what it is, I treat the guys I'm with as very high value because to me they've been carefully selected based on their looks and penis size. To see a guy just ploughing his way through different birds every night and knowing I was lumped together with them isn't a good for the old ego.
No its not even I as a man am not impressed if I feel I'm not being treated with the same respect I treat those I choose to play with .
In fact if I feel this is happening I put a stop to the fun there and then .
Yes its bloody hard finding a suitable fwb but I'd rather not have one if I feel I'm not being treated in a way that matches how I treat them .
Yes that's crucial for me too - there are many different types of relationship possible on here, from the most fleeting encounter in a club upwards, but there always needs to be parity, mutual agreement.
"
Totally agree its often a case of waiting and hoping to find someone who has ether got the instant gratification of bed hoping out of their system or finding someone who realizes that that way of going about sex is not giving them enough to make it worth it .
The real problem is people not being totally up front with what they are looking for which leads to a lot of disappointment if they don't pursue the kind of fun their truly after and play a game of white lies with someone who's after a different experience all because they want sex now and with lots of different partners and are not prepared to be honest about it . |
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"Oh I forgot to make my point - the difficulty is also that people who do not truly want a relationship may pretend to in order to meet the OP, but that happens on dating sites too."
Yes, this has happened to me, the guy gives you all the signs that he wants a serious relationship so down come your walls, unfortunately he said the same thing to all the other women he was meeting behind my back. He's still on FABS doing the exact same thing. |
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By *andsonjohnMan
over a year ago
in the eye of the storm |
"Oh I forgot to make my point - the difficulty is also that people who do not truly want a relationship may pretend to in order to meet the OP, but that happens on dating sites too.
Yes, this has happened to me, the guy gives you all the signs that he wants a serious relationship so down come your walls, unfortunately he said the same thing to all the other women he was meeting behind my back. He's still on FABS doing the exact same thing. "
I don't get the mentality of not being up front about what you want from the person your interested in if they don't want the sane as you then out of courtesy you don't try to go there because you know it will make the person your interested in question there self worth especially if there after some sort of FWB arrangement.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The thing is, with the FWB route, it's only time that will show if you can see each other enough to fulfill your needs, or if you like each "enough" on all levels....which is why I don't personally offer exclusivity (and I'm not talking about club visits together to *share* that way, I mean the intimate 1-1). Plenty of people talk the talk but then the reality of their day to day lives mean they're just not compatible over time. Basically, that's all that's happened here  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"everything you felt was natural the reason for the feeling were to do with the fact you value yourself .you have a sense of worth self respect pride and although the fella did no wrong his actions for a split second made you question you own sense of worth and your value as a human being to others .
all natural feeling in my book and if I was you I'd be more worried if you didn't feel anything over his actions .
That's exactly what it is, I treat the guys I'm with as very high value because to me they've been carefully selected based on their looks and penis size. To see a guy just ploughing his way through different birds every night and knowing I was lumped together with them isn't a good for the old ego.
No its not even I as a man am not impressed if I feel I'm not being treated with the same respect I treat those I choose to play with .
In fact if I feel this is happening I put a stop to the fun there and then .
Yes its bloody hard finding a suitable fwb but I'd rather not have one if I feel I'm not being treated in a way that matches how I treat them . "
|
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"Oh I forgot to make my point - the difficulty is also that people who do not truly want a relationship may pretend to in order to meet the OP, but that happens on dating sites too.
Yes, this has happened to me, the guy gives you all the signs that he wants a serious relationship so down come your walls, unfortunately he said the same thing to all the other women he was meeting behind my back. He's still on FABS doing the exact same thing.
I don't get the mentality of not being up front about what you want from the person your interested in if they don't want the sane as you then out of courtesy you don't try to go there because you know it will make the person your interested in question there self worth especially if there after some sort of FWB arrangement.
"
Unfortunately he turned out to be a template narcissist....and they have no emotional depth to them. They tell you what they think u want to hear to get their own way. |
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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in North Norfolk |
"Just discovered if you block and then unblock someone it removes your verification off their page and takes it off your own. Can they still have the option to display it again though?
Thank you very much for that tip !!!
I always wondered
Doesn't work if you unblock them, just noticed it comes back. Would have to keep them blocked. I've just asked if he will not display my veri. Don't want to put my name to anything cos he's putting meet requests up everyday now and he's never done that before. Looks thirsty when you do that and I don't want my name on anyone's profile that looks thirsty.
If it wasn't jealousy before its petty now. Like it or lump it, it's his veri to do with as he wants. The veri is there ro prove he is real and he turns up when arranged.
He has done nothing wrong. You weren't available so he met someone else. You told him you wanted more so you knocked it on the head now your pissed because he is putting meets up?
I know, it's stupid isn't it but I dunno why I'm like this. It's all good saying I'm petty I already know this but I wanna know what causes me to be like this when your average person wouldn't be bothered.
I think average people would be bothered, even if just at a 0.5 level like you said. This forum is the wrong place to ask for advice on feelings. The amount of emotionless robots on here is quite shocking really.
You're human. You're not hurting anyone, you just have feelings. Feelings are normal."
Didn't you get the memo? Feelings and emotions aren't allowed on here.
We're all supposed to be carved out of rock. No feelings, no emotions, no bad days, no nothing. Just mechanical rutting. |
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Well this thread has been an eye opener and very interesting read.
Interesting that because some people who use this site for its original intended purpose and can happily have sex without getting attatched/jealous/bunnyboilerish are unnatural and emotionless robots. |
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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in North Norfolk |
"Well this thread has been an eye opener and very interesting read.
Interesting that because some people who use this site for its original intended purpose and can happily have sex without getting attatched/jealous/bunnyboilerish are unnatural and emotionless robots. "
That's not what was actually said.
The point was that there are some emotionless robots on here and they tend to expect everyone else should be the same.
Nobody said everyone who enjoys NSA sex without getting attached is an emotionless robot. In fact, the opposite was said in clarification at one stage. |
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"Well this thread has been an eye opener and very interesting read.
Interesting that because some people who use this site for its original intended purpose and can happily have sex without getting attatched/jealous/bunnyboilerish are unnatural and emotionless robots.
That's not what was actually said.
The point was that there are some emotionless robots on here and they tend to expect everyone else should be the same.
Nobody said everyone who enjoys NSA sex without getting attached is an emotionless robot. In fact, the opposite was said in clarification at one stage."
unnatural/emotionless definently mentioned more than once on this thread.
Well im quite happy to carry on as i am as ive never had a moments angst regards a guy |
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"Pressed post before I wrote the actual thing, duh!!!
Anyway, met a dude a few times la la la all good but they were weekday meets and not full night which is what I want. Side said yep still happy for us to be exclusive but his work makes planning difficult, ok, I said I can only concentrate on one dude at a time so wished each other well and that was that. Was asked agin spur of the moment if I could meet, I couldn't (have to arrange child care) asked again earlier but noticed he's got a day old veri, I can't be jealous umm I don't actually feel jealous I feel slighted if that's the correct term. I'm being unreasonable aren't i? Yes I can see it.
Where does it come from though, I have logic, I haven't been rejected so can't feel bad about that it's just weird like!
It's a woman thing, it's quite normal. XXX"
I'd guess that this is the best answer .. good hunting and I hope that you stay on fabs .. have fun and maybe you eventually find what you are looking for |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Well this thread has been an eye opener and very interesting read.
Interesting that because some people who use this site for its original intended purpose and can happily have sex without getting attatched/jealous/bunnyboilerish are unnatural and emotionless robots.
That's not what was actually said.
The point was that there are some emotionless robots on here and they tend to expect everyone else should be the same.
Nobody said everyone who enjoys NSA sex without getting attached is an emotionless robot. In fact, the opposite was said in clarification at one stage."
Thank you. |
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If you are asking why you are like you are, then you would need to go back to being a kid smashing up your old toys so no one else could have them.
Sounds from a pop psychology point of view that you have control issues.
But if you really want to resolve them you'd need a professional.
I'd agree with a poster further up that swinging may not be ideal if you have issues about others having nsa sex or how they act after being exclusive to you. |
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By *andsonjohnMan
over a year ago
in the eye of the storm |
I'm shocked to see comments like maybe your not cut out for this swinging world as if there only; one way of enjoying and expressing your sexuality in the swinging world or sex meets world .
Surely the trick is to find away of enjoying yourself in this sex meets world that suits you and then find others who like to play as you do .
I can't believe people believe there's only one way to act in the swinging world only one way to go about your business in the swinging world .
that's bullshit in my opinion and who does someone truly think they are when there trying to tell another person how they should act and feel. Effectively telling them they must conform that's what problem is there not conforming not getting with the program .
In my opinion that bullshit my advice would be don't conform to what others say is the right way to act in the swinging world instead express your desires and find someone who's looking for the same experience from this mad swinging world as you are , |
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She asked we answered.
But maybe ignoring threads put up by people asking questions is now the preferred method of answering said queries.
We could go on all day.
Your opinion is no more or less valid than anyone else's.
Even with the inclusion of powerful adjectives such as bullshit. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I'm shocked to see comments like maybe your not cut out for this swinging world as if there only; one way of enjoying and expressing your sexuality in the swinging world or sex meets world .
Surely the trick is to find away of enjoying yourself in this sex meets world that suits you and then find others who like to play as you do .
I can't believe people believe there's only one way to act in the swinging world only one way to go about your business in the swinging world .
that's bullshit in my opinion and who does someone truly think they are when there trying to tell another person how they should act and feel. Effectively telling them they must conform that's what problem is there not conforming not getting with the program .
In my opinion that bullshit my advice would be don't conform to what others say is the right way to act in the swinging world instead express your desires and find someone who's looking for the same experience from this mad swinging world as you are ,"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Read the whole thread (medal please).
Agreed with Gloswingers (wonders will never cease)
I Do think the grrrr can be as a result of hormones - that definitely happens to me!
I also think it's a bit like this-
You can both have your cake and eat it, but as a single parent- you can't just pop to the cake shop whenever you like (you have to plan things) and he can!
So maybe you are jealous of his freedom to meet? |
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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in North Norfolk |
"
I Do think the grrrr can be as a result of hormones - that definitely happens to me!"
Tell me about it.
My GP forced me to change my contraception method a few weeks ago. I'd spent 3 weeks in a rage, wanting to tear people limb from limb before I twigged why |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
It never ceases to amaze the response the 'usual' suspects post.
End of the day Hun you use the site in the way you wish and no one can tell you otherwise.
To be honest I think I would have been pretty much of the mindset as you, even though there would be no need to be.
A lot of women and I know not all on here really want more than they are willing to admit, others have found it and relationships have lasted, others have it and play it out for everyone to see even when it ends.
Feelings and emotions are a funny thing. Long as you go with your gut and the morals you have and then can live with the choice you make do what, when and who you want.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Having had a good read of all this thread, many great points have been bought up and much mud throwing however to us, it's about.......
The OP clearly wants to swing on her own terms, but many people won't & don't accept those terms
swinging is about sharing, compromise and fun, none of which the OP seems to be having, as for people talking about you behind your back, don't worry it happens to everyone! X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
I Do think the grrrr can be as a result of hormones - that definitely happens to me!
Tell me about it.
My GP forced me to change my contraception method a few weeks ago. I'd spent 3 weeks in a rage, wanting to tear people limb from limb before I twigged why "
Just used that grrrr and now my oven is sparkling! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Some of the posts which clearly have a dig at our post should have a think .
This is a swinging site .
Swinging isn't about exclusivity , no matter which way you look at it .
On a dating site , yes ... But to get upset about someone meeting someone else when you weren't free , then to remove a veri , and block because they wouldn't offer exclusivity is not swinging behaviour is it ?
Get a grip and think about it for a moment .
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"
I Do think the grrrr can be as a result of hormones - that definitely happens to me!
Tell me about it.
My GP forced me to change my contraception method a few weeks ago. I'd spent 3 weeks in a rage, wanting to tear people limb from limb before I twigged why
Just used that grrrr and now my oven is sparkling!"
Make sure there aint a bun in it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Some of the posts which clearly have a dig at our post should have a think .
This is a swinging site .
Swinging isn't about exclusivity , no matter which way you look at it .
On a dating site , yes ... But to get upset about someone meeting someone else when you weren't free , then to remove a veri , and block because they wouldn't offer exclusivity is not swinging behaviour is it ?
Get a grip and think about it for a moment .
"
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By *andsonjohnMan
over a year ago
in the eye of the storm |
"Having had a good read of all this thread, many great points have been bought up and much mud throwing however to us, it's about.......
The OP clearly wants to swing on her own terms, but many people won't & don't accept those terms
swinging is about sharing, compromise and fun, none of which the OP seems to be having, as for people talking about you behind your back, don't worry it happens to everyone! X"
sharing and compromise ....? have you trawled though profiles lately because if you have clearly your seeing a very different set of profiles to me most read like a list of demands followed by a meat order |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Like before I said right I'm knocking this on the head now because I want more than what you can offer, I could have carried on meeting him when he was free but I didn't want that arrangement. So I have no right to feel any sort of annoyance, but I do, why? It's not even annoyed I can't put it into words on a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being mega pissed off I'd say this was a 0.5 but I shouldn't even have that. Why do I?"
The way I read it is you are totally entitled to decide what your boundaries are and as long as you stay within them you won't go far wrong. Maybe you started to develop feelings which were not reciprocated but anyway you can learn from the experience and grow as a person with no harm done ?? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Having had a good read of all this thread, many great points have been bought up and much mud throwing however to us, it's about.......
The OP clearly wants to swing on her own terms, but many people won't & don't accept those terms
swinging is about sharing, compromise and fun, none of which the OP seems to be having, as for people talking about you behind your back, don't worry it happens to everyone! X
sharing and compromise ....? have you trawled though profiles lately because if you have clearly your seeing a very different set of profiles to me most read like a list of demands followed by a meat order "
Never trawl through profiles, but aware that for single males you've got to jump through hoops and do as requested, a scene we have no interest in |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
I Do think the grrrr can be as a result of hormones - that definitely happens to me!
Tell me about it.
My GP forced me to change my contraception method a few weeks ago. I'd spent 3 weeks in a rage, wanting to tear people limb from limb before I twigged why
Just used that grrrr and now my oven is sparkling!
Make sure there aint a bun in it "
It was not a euphemism! ! 
And no friggin' chance! |
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By *andsonjohnMan
over a year ago
in the eye of the storm |
"Having had a good read of all this thread, many great points have been bought up and much mud throwing however to us, it's about.......
The OP clearly wants to swing on her own terms, but many people won't & don't accept those terms
swinging is about sharing, compromise and fun, none of which the OP seems to be having, as for people talking about you behind your back, don't worry it happens to everyone! X
sharing and compromise ....? have you trawled though profiles lately because if you have clearly your seeing a very different set of profiles to me most read like a list of demands followed by a meat order
Never trawl through profiles, but aware that for single males you've got to jump through hoops and do as requested, a scene we have no interest in"
me jump through hoops and do as requested I come from a scene where others willingly and gladly jump through hoops and with giddy relish do as I request  |
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