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Crappy jokes
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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went to the doctor & and said I can't stop singing " The Green Green Grass Of Home"...........Doctor said I had "Tom Jones Syndrome" .............I said, I'd never heard of it, i it rare..........He said "It's Not Unusual" |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"these aren't crap.
There not the best
do some more, wonderwall was the funniest. i also like dad jokes, if you;re taking requests."
There not mine I stole them from a popular social media site lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"these aren't crap.
There not the best
do some more, wonderwall was the funniest. i also like dad jokes, if you;re taking requests.
There not mine I stole them from a popular social media site lol"
i don't care. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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You think your job sucks? Let me tell you about the people I work with.
First, there's this supermodel wanna-be chick. Ok, I'll admit, she's pretty hot, but damn she is completely useless. The girl is constantly fixing her hair or putting on her makeup. She is extremely self centered and never considers the needs of anyone other than herself. She is dumber than a box of rocks and I find it surprising that she has enough brain power to breathe.
The next chick is exactly the opposite- she might even be one of the smartest girls on the planet. She has endless career opportunities but she's still here with us. She is a zero on a scale of 1 to 10. I doubt she even showers, much less shaves her "womanly" parts. I think she might be a lesbian, because every time we drive past the hardware store she moans like a cat in heat.
But the jewel of the crowd has got to be the fucking stoner. And this guy is more than just your average pothead. The guy is baked before he comes to work, after work, and even during work. He probably hasn't been sober any time in the last 10 years, and he's only 22. He dresses like a beatnik throwback from the 1960's, and, to make things worse, brings his fucking giant dog to work. Every fucking day I have to look at this huge Great Dane walking around half stoned from the second-hand smoke. Hell, sometimes I even think it's trying to talk with its constant bellowing. Also, both of them are constantly hungry, requiring multiple stops to McDonald's and Burger King every single fucking day.
Anyways, I drive these fucktards around in my van and we solve mysteries and shit. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection. Judge says, ‘First offender?’ She says, ‘No, first a Gibson! Then a Fender! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection. Judge says, ‘First offender?’ She says, ‘No, first a Gibson! Then a Fender!"
Haha brilliant |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A string walks into a bar with a few friends and orders a beer. The bartender says, "I'm sorry, but we don't serve strings here."
The string goes back to his table. He ties himself in a loop and messes up the top of his hair. He walks back up to the bar and orders a beer.
The bartender squints at him and says, "Hey, aren't you a string?"
The string says, "Nope, I'm a frayed knot |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Loving these, making me smile.
Can't resist posting another.
Two goldfish in a tank, one says to the other "how do you drive this thing?"
What do you do if you see a spaceman?
Park in it, man
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A Farewell to Arms" is Ernest Hemingway's novel about an American soldier in Italy during World War I. He falls in love with a nurse in the hospital, decides to go AWOL, and rows all night with her in a boat from Italy to Switzerland to evade the authorities.
His girl friend was sitting in the stern of the boat, and he was rowing in the middle. At one point he said, "Cath, I love you."
She said, "Pardon?"
He said, "I said I love you."
She still didn't hear him, so he removed an oar from the lock, moved up to the stern, resumed steering the boat from that position, and said again, "I love you."
She said, "I love you too, but why are you standing there sculling when you can do so much better rowing where you were?"
He said, "You are undoubtedly right: I just sculled to say I love you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I remember when I was in the army . The Sargent shouted at me .
TOSH I NEVER SAW YOU IN THE CAMOUFLAGE LESSON !!
I said " Oh thankyou sir "
How could anyone miss that arse? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I remember when I was in the army . The Sargent shouted at me .
TOSH I NEVER SAW YOU IN THE CAMOUFLAGE LESSON !!
I said " Oh thankyou sir
How could anyone miss that arse? " Haha you saying my arse is big |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I remember when I was in the army . The Sargent shouted at me .
TOSH I NEVER SAW YOU IN THE CAMOUFLAGE LESSON !!
I said " Oh thankyou sir
How could anyone miss that arse? Haha you saying my arse is big "
No I'm saying it is exquisite |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I remember when I was in the army . The Sargent shouted at me .
TOSH I NEVER SAW YOU IN THE CAMOUFLAGE LESSON !!
I said " Oh thankyou sir
How could anyone miss that arse? Haha you saying my arse is big
No I'm saying it is exquisite " Thankyou |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I remember when I was in the army . The Sargent shouted at me .
TOSH I NEVER SAW YOU IN THE CAMOUFLAGE LESSON !!
I said " Oh thankyou sir
How could anyone miss that arse? Haha you saying my arse is big
No I'm saying it is exquisite Thankyou "
Anytime no really, any time |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I remember when I was in the army . The Sargent shouted at me .
TOSH I NEVER SAW YOU IN THE CAMOUFLAGE LESSON !!
I said " Oh thankyou sir
How could anyone miss that arse? Haha you saying my arse is big
No I'm saying it is exquisite Thankyou
Anytime no really, any time" Haha mwah xxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Queen Elizabeth amd dolly parton both die on the same day and go before St Peter to find out if they'll be admitted to heaven. Unfortunately there's only one space left that day so St Peter has to decide which of them gets in.
He asks dolly if there's some particular reason why she should enter heaven.
Dolly takes off her top and says "look at these, they're the most perfect breasts God ever created and I'm sure it would please God to be able to see them every day for eternity".
St Peter thanks dolly and asks Queen Elizabeth the same question.
The Queen takes a bottle of perrier out of her handbag, drinks the lot of it then takes a piss and pulls the lever.
St Peter says, "ok your majesty, you may enter".
Dolly is outraged and asks "what was that all about? I show you two of God's own perfect creations and you turn me down. She pisses into a toilet and she gets in! Care to explain that to me?"
"Sorry dolly", says St Peter,"but even in heaven, a royal flush beats a pair......no matter how big they are" |
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Two guys walked in to a bar
Would have thought the 2nd guy would have seen it ......
Two guys walking down the road when a stone comes flying towards them one guy said RUN the other said why ? I didn't throw it ....
(Jo) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I went to the doctor and said. Doctor I keep dreaming of these beautiful girls who keep coming towards me, and I keep pushing them away, they try again and I push them away, doctor says what do you want me to do, I said break my arms |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"went to the doctor & and said I can't stop singing " The Green Green Grass Of Home"...........Doctor said I had "Tom Jones Syndrome" .............I said, I'd never heard of it, i it rare..........He said "It's Not Unusual"" how do you get pecachew on a bus... you pokemon..... |
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