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Fab Sunday Confessional
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Hello , My name is Taff and last night I committed the sin of gluttony .
I ate a box of celebrations all to myself,,,, though I did leave the Snickers and Bounties .. then again half the box was Snickers and Bounties ,, so I only feel half as bad  |
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"Hello , My name is Taff and last night I committed the sin of gluttony .
I ate a box of celebrations all to myself,,,, though I did leave the Snickers and Bounties .. then again half the box was Snickers and Bounties ,, so I only feel half as bad "
As penance, next time you feel a craving for chocolate you must eat one mini Bounty. Go in peace and know that your burden is lifted. |
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"Last night everyone got pissed and I posted unflattering pics on their FB walls  "
Did you post unflattering pictures of yourself or 'everyone'? You sin grave, indeed. Go into virtual retreat by logging out of all internet communications for a week, to think about what you have done.
Go in peace.  |
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"When I make a cup of tea for the night porter I only give him 2 small spoons of sugar instead of his requested 3  "
Are you the night porter's keeper? Repent your actions by giving him a biscuit with his next cup of tea.
Go in peace. |
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"I had nearly 2 gig of data to use up before midnight, so have been downloading porn all morning "
Is data so finite and with such a short shelf life? Your penance for your greed is to ignore the porn for one week.
Go in peace. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ive just been dancing to taylor swift 
Dancing is good for the soul. Put on James Brown and redeem yourself.
Go in peace. "
Lol i have two little beauts that may object lol |
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"I'm being lazy. Sitting on my fat arse instead of doing the garden. "
It's a day of rest. Rest and approach the toil of the soil on another cooler day. You are forgiven.
Go in peace. |
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"I had nearly 2 gig of data to use up before midnight, so have been downloading porn all morning
Is data so finite and with such a short shelf life? Your penance for your greed is to ignore the porn for one week.
Go in peace. "
I get 7Gb for 30 days @ £25, or 3Gb for £15, also have 1 Gb on ma phone, but mostly use ma pc to go online.
Can penance be put off until tomorrow  |
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"Forgive me father(mother) for I have sinned it's been about 20 years since my last confession. Im not entirely sure where to start.
We shall start with i coverted a ladies boobies at a party.
"
Now did you covet or did you cover the ladies boobies. Both are sinful. Your punishment is to get on your knees and keep your eyes to the floor for 5 minutes every time you think of those boobies.
Go in peace. |
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"I had nearly 2 gig of data to use up before midnight, so have been downloading porn all morning
Is data so finite and with such a short shelf life? Your penance for your greed is to ignore the porn for one week.
Go in peace.
I get 7Gb for 30 days @ £25, or 3Gb for £15, also have 1 Gb on ma phone, but mostly use ma pc to go online.
Can penance be put off until tomorrow "
That's between you and your god. Can it? |
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"Amarillo came on the radio last night ...and I sang along to it loudly ....until the fella upstairs dog started howling.....fucking hate hecklers ! "
Let the hatred leave your heart. The dog (or god) was howling along not in objection.
Go in peace. |
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"I'm being lazy. Sitting on my fat arse instead of doing the garden.
It's a day of rest. Rest and approach the toil of the soil on another cooler day. You are forgiven.
Go in peace. "
Excellent advice here op - Love the toil of the soil quote...  |
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
" Dear Lickety I confess to indulging in the sin of jealousy. Please guide me back onto a wholesome path."
Jealousy is pernicious and will eat away at you. Trust that what is meant for you will come to you once you mend your heart and mind.
Go in peace. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Forgive me Lickety for I have sinned..
I went out last night drank far too much cider and now I am supposed to be packing and emptying a wardrobe but I am sat on my bum perving and I even used bribery to gain coffee and bacon sandwiches |
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"I had nearly 2 gig of data to use up before midnight, so have been downloading porn all morning
Is data so finite and with such a short shelf life? Your penance for your greed is to ignore the porn for one week.
Go in peace.
I get 7Gb for 30 days @ £25, or 3Gb for £15, also have 1 Gb on ma phone, but mostly use ma pc to go online.
Can penance be put off until tomorrow
That's between you and your god. Can it?"
I'm agnostic, but I did like the way Dave Allen finished his programs with the line "And may your god go with you" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm being lazy. Sitting on my fat arse instead of doing the garden.
It's a day of rest. Rest and approach the toil of the soil on another cooler day. You are forgiven.
Go in peace. "
I feel absolved. I'm going for a lay down |
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"Forgive me Lickety for I have sinned..
I went out last night drank far too much cider and now I am supposed to be packing and emptying a wardrobe but I am sat on my bum perving and I even used bribery to gain coffee and bacon sandwiches "
That's a familiar rag bag of sins all caused by the demon alcohol. Your penance is to log off, get the emptying and packing done in the next hour and then to offer to help the kind soul providing bacon in some way.
Go - NOW! - in peace. |
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"I ate a huge cupcake for breakfast
I see no sin there. Go in peace and enjoy your day.
You're the boss!
No, dear child, just a messenger. "
The Message - Grandmaster Flash 
www.youtube.com/watch?v=O4o8TeqKhgY |
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By *uxom redCouple
over a year ago
Shrewsbury |
"Forgive me father(mother) for I have sinned it's been about 20 years since my last confession. Im not entirely sure where to start.
We shall start with i coverted a ladies boobies at a party.
Now did you covet or did you cover the ladies boobies. Both are sinful. Your punishment is to get on your knees and keep your eyes to the floor for 5 minutes every time you think of those boobies.
Go in peace. "
Looks like I'll be spending lots of time on my knees then |
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I've spoken to no-one all weekend.
Other than go to the beach last night (where some poor sod assumed I was dogging and sat in his car about three feet away from me in a giant empty car park!)  I've done absolutely nothing. |
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"I have just cooked a large brunch and then indulged in food porn. I sent friends pictures of my meal."
This is a grave sin indeed. Your penance is to refrain from sending pictures of your meals to ANYONE for 6 months. Go in peace. |
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"I've spoken to no-one all weekend.
Other than go to the beach last night (where some poor sod assumed I was dogging and sat in his car about three feet away from me in a giant empty car park!) I've done absolutely nothing. "
Silence is golden, especially in this noisy world. Your sin is that of telling porkies though! Your tongue may have kept still in your mouth but your fingers have spoken here.
Your penance is to speak to the first three strangers you see and make them feel you wish them well.
Go in peace. |
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"I went for my lay down,and now my mind is filled with thoughts of debauchery and hedonistic depravity  "
Idle hands can induce such thoughts. Let your fingers do the walking and find an outlet for those wicked thoughts.
Go in peace. |
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"I walked up to a taxi last night and the driver asked if is was Jackson just said yes and jumped in .
So I'm guessing thats taxi theft .
Jo x"
Lies and thievery are regular bedfellows. Find a Jackson and offer them a lift.
Go in peace. |
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By *ola.Woman
over a year ago
Just where I need to be. |
"I have just cooked a large brunch and then indulged in food porn. I sent friends pictures of my meal.
This is a grave sin indeed. Your penance is to refrain from sending pictures of your meals to ANYONE for 6 months. Go in peace. "
Can I post them on pinterest instead |
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"I have just cooked a large brunch and then indulged in food porn. I sent friends pictures of my meal.
This is a grave sin indeed. Your penance is to refrain from sending pictures of your meals to ANYONE for 6 months. Go in peace.
Can I post them on pinterest instead "
You are so deeply addicted and sinful that you may need a cleansing ritual. Take one day at a time and follow the 12 steps.
Go in peace. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I went for my lay down,and now my mind is filled with thoughts of debauchery and hedonistic depravity
Idle hands can induce such thoughts. Let your fingers do the walking and find an outlet for those wicked thoughts.
Go in peace. "
You're giving me advice to send sexual advances to unsuspecting men,via my mobile phone? |
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"I went for my lay down,and now my mind is filled with thoughts of debauchery and hedonistic depravity
Idle hands can induce such thoughts. Let your fingers do the walking and find an outlet for those wicked thoughts.
Go in peace.
You're giving me advice to send sexual advances to unsuspecting men,via my mobile phone? "
If that's the way that you will get release. I see you have reverted to your original name. That rest was transformational and returned you to being at peace with yourself.
Go in peace. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I just sinned..... boy did I sin! All alone on my bed with not one but two vibrators and a bottle of tingly lube...... is there any redemption for me??? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I went for my lay down,and now my mind is filled with thoughts of debauchery and hedonistic depravity
Idle hands can induce such thoughts. Let your fingers do the walking and find an outlet for those wicked thoughts.
Go in peace.
You're giving me advice to send sexual advances to unsuspecting men,via my mobile phone?
If that's the way that you will get release. I see you have reverted to your original name. That rest was transformational and returned you to being at peace with yourself.
Go in peace. "
I feel whole again. I tried but failed as an Angel,I am at peace with myself. Time to be bad again |
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"I just sinned..... boy did I sin! All alone on my bed with not one but two vibrators and a bottle of tingly lube...... is there any redemption for me??? "
Pleasure is not a sin. Disturbing the neighbours is. Go in peace. |
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"Perving on my neighbours dad as he cut the lawn. Wonder if he cud cut mine mmm ?"
The grass is not greener on the other side. Be content with your own grass and plough your own furrow. Go in peace. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I just sinned..... boy did I sin! All alone on my bed with not one but two vibrators and a bottle of tingly lube...... is there any redemption for me???
Pleasure is not a sin. Disturbing the neighbours is. Go in peace. "
Oh, well they're not home, so that's grand |
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"I've seduced the hot guy whose just finished decorating my house I just can't behave sometimes. "
You sensibly waited until the decorating job was finished so pay the invoice and crack on. Enjoy the new decorations and the seduction. Go in peace. Just be careful of 'splashes' on the new walls.
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"The door is open, the surplice is on, come in and relieve your burdens. Confess your sins.
"
Bless me Father for i have sinned.....it's been a long time since my last confession.........i have just eaten 2 Magnums and d*unk 2 bottles of beer.....
how many Hail Mary's do i have to say ?
Sinner Chingford |
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"I'm really fancying a nap but should shower first after running the dog...
Can I be forgiven for sleeping sweaty? "
Yes, change the sheets after and everything can feel fresh and ren. Enjoy the nap.
Go in peace(ful slumber). |
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"Forgive me for questioning my faith that the great omnipotent spaghetti monster God exists. I tried to reread the gospel according to _icketysplits but got a profile is hidden response "
Licketysplits is going through a crisis of faith and has entered the desert (with dessert) to wrestle with demons. She has been led into temptation once already this very day so is flashing her old legs to test her resilience.
Faith is there to be questioned. Go in peace. |
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"The door is open, the surplice is on, come in and relieve your burdens. Confess your sins.
Bless me Father for i have sinned.....it's been a long time since my last confession.........i have just eaten 2 Magnums and d*unk 2 bottles of beer.....
how many Hail Mary's do i have to say ?
Sinner Chingford"
74. Go in peace (well as peaceful as possible in Chingford). |
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"I've just been with my family out for Sunday lunch and spent the whole time ogling the fittest man I've seen in a while on the next table!  "
That is a terrible sin. Spend time with your family and find one nice thing to say to each of them.
Go in peace. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Forgive me sister, for I have sinned. It has been... Forever since my last confession
I drank a large glass of Chardonnay at 12:30 and have eaten most of my son's popcorn. I'm now considering another glass. |
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"Forgive me sister, for I have sinned. It has been... Forever since my last confession
I drank a large glass of Chardonnay at 12:30 and have eaten most of my son's popcorn. I'm now considering another glass."
The Chardonnay is neither here nor there. The theft of popcorn from a beloved child is entirely another matter! Seek forgiveness from your son before your next glass of Chardonnay.
Go in peace. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Forgive me sister, for I have sinned. It has been... Forever since my last confession
I drank a large glass of Chardonnay at 12:30 and have eaten most of my son's popcorn. I'm now considering another glass.
The Chardonnay is neither here nor there. The theft of popcorn from a beloved child is entirely another matter! Seek forgiveness from your son before your next glass of Chardonnay.
Go in peace. "
The Chardonnay is hindering my ability to make balloon animals though. |
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"Forgive me sister, for I have sinned. It has been... Forever since my last confession
I drank a large glass of Chardonnay at 12:30 and have eaten most of my son's popcorn. I'm now considering another glass.
The Chardonnay is neither here nor there. The theft of popcorn from a beloved child is entirely another matter! Seek forgiveness from your son before your next glass of Chardonnay.
Go in peace.
The Chardonnay is hindering my ability to make balloon animals though."
Get on the wagon. |
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My apologies for shouting. Do no harm. Go in peace. 
