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teabags' Elite Party
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"There needs to be a comfy seat because I want to watch.  "
They can't get in unless they pass the measuring test. Perhaps we need an ante chamber with some plush seating for those on quality control. That is why you want to watch, isn't it?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yes yes we could call them tea parties obviously.
Bacon rolls, tea, umm intimate beauty treatments, lazy toilets, counselling sessions, help in the bath! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"There needs to be a comfy seat because I want to watch.
They can't get in unless they pass the measuring test. Perhaps we need an ante chamber with some plush seating for those on quality control. That is why you want to watch, isn't it?
"
There's nowt on telly. That's why I want to watch.  |
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"Yes yes we could call them tea parties obviously.
Bacon rolls, tea, umm intimate beauty treatments, lazy toilets, counselling sessions, help in the bath!"
Tea parties? You need to invite Hatter then  |
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"Yes yes we could call them tea parties obviously.
Bacon rolls, tea, umm intimate beauty treatments, lazy toilets, counselling sessions, help in the bath!"
I forgot your list of men you find attractive (it went 'invisible'  ) but I didn't want to lose the idea of you hosting a party.
Tea parties has been taken by another social grouping, albeit with secret in the title. |
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"There needs to be a comfy seat because I want to watch.
They can't get in unless they pass the measuring test. Perhaps we need an ante chamber with some plush seating for those on quality control. That is why you want to watch, isn't it?
There's nowt on telly. That's why I want to watch. "
Live streaming to your telly then? Saves having to leave the house and the seating might not be comfy.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yes yes we could call them tea parties obviously.
Bacon rolls, tea, umm intimate beauty treatments, lazy toilets, counselling sessions, help in the bath!"
back, sack and crack waxing?  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Hand potatoes is my tried and tested length measuring device. 2 hand potatoes and a bit of shaft and bell still poking out.
The plastic rings that are on packs of 4 cans could be good good measuring devices but they're quite dangerous to seagulls so maybe not a good idea. |
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"Hand potatoes is my tried and tested length measuring device. 2 hand potatoes and a bit of shaft and bell still poking out.
The plastic rings that are on packs of 4 cans could be good good measuring devices but they're quite dangerous to seagulls so maybe not a good idea. "
I don't think seagulls read Fab threads. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think there would be a milking machine beside the door, so noone would leave full, if not up to the size lol.
Maybe that's what the pint glass comment was about. "
I think so too and milk is good for you as well |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yes yes we could call them tea parties obviously.
Bacon rolls, tea, umm intimate beauty treatments, lazy toilets, counselling sessions, help in the bath!
back, sack and crack waxing? "
Ass pube removal. It's one of my treatments but I do it in a special way. Guy on all 4's but still wearing his t shirt and socks, I open his bum cheeks and apply sensitive hair removal cream to the arse hole and surrounding area, stroke his thighs and blow his bum hole and wank him whilst the cream develops, reassure him that it's ok that he has a hard on and that this is all normal and part of the procedure, remove the cream with my little wooden spatulas, gently wash the bum hole with cotton wool pads and pat it dry then stick my tongue up there to check it's smooth and that I've got all the hairs off.
Lazy toilets is me taking them to the toilet and holding their willy for them to pee and then sucking them clean. Help in the bath is when they are too tired to are for themselves so I have to sponge them down and wash their willy and balls, counselling sessions, they lay on a sofa and tell me all their problems and I'll help them talk about any worries or concerns they have, give them willy smooths, and offer them a suck on my nipples. |
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"Yes yes we could call them tea parties obviously.
Bacon rolls, tea, umm intimate beauty treatments, lazy toilets, counselling sessions, help in the bath!
back, sack and crack waxing?
Ass pube removal. It's one of my treatments but I do it in a special way. Guy on all 4's but still wearing his t shirt and socks, I open his bum cheeks and apply sensitive hair removal cream to the arse hole and surrounding area, stroke his thighs and blow his bum hole and wank him whilst the cream develops, reassure him that it's ok that he has a hard on and that this is all normal and part of the procedure, remove the cream with my little wooden spatulas, gently wash the bum hole with cotton wool pads and pat it dry then stick my tongue up there to check it's smooth and that I've got all the hairs off.
Lazy toilets is me taking them to the toilet and holding their willy for them to pee and then sucking them clean. Help in the bath is when they are too tired to are for themselves so I have to sponge them down and wash their willy and balls, counselling sessions, they lay on a sofa and tell me all their problems and I'll help them talk about any worries or concerns they have, give them willy smooths, and offer them a suck on my nipples. "
It sounds like a spa, of sorts.
You'll have them queuing down the street to get in to this party.
First they have to pass the hand potato, height, hair and jaw tests.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Yes yes we could call them tea parties obviously.
Bacon rolls, tea, umm intimate beauty treatments, lazy toilets, counselling sessions, help in the bath!
back, sack and crack waxing?
Ass pube removal. It's one of my treatments but I do it in a special way. Guy on all 4's but still wearing his t shirt and socks, I open his bum cheeks and apply sensitive hair removal cream to the arse hole and surrounding area, stroke his thighs and blow his bum hole and wank him whilst the cream develops, reassure him that it's ok that he has a hard on and that this is all normal and part of the procedure, remove the cream with my little wooden spatulas, gently wash the bum hole with cotton wool pads and pat it dry then stick my tongue up there to check it's smooth and that I've got all the hairs off.
Lazy toilets is me taking them to the toilet and holding their willy for them to pee and then sucking them clean. Help in the bath is when they are too tired to are for themselves so I have to sponge them down and wash their willy and balls, counselling sessions, they lay on a sofa and tell me all their problems and I'll help them talk about any worries or concerns they have, give them willy smooths, and offer them a suck on my nipples. "
 gosh |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Yes yes we could call them tea parties obviously.
Bacon rolls, tea, umm intimate beauty treatments, lazy toilets, counselling sessions, help in the bath!
back, sack and crack waxing?
Ass pube removal. It's one of my treatments but I do it in a special way. Guy on all 4's but still wearing his t shirt and socks, I open his bum cheeks and apply sensitive hair removal cream to the arse hole and surrounding area, stroke his thighs and blow his bum hole and wank him whilst the cream develops, reassure him that it's ok that he has a hard on and that this is all normal and part of the procedure, remove the cream with my little wooden spatulas, gently wash the bum hole with cotton wool pads and pat it dry then stick my tongue up there to check it's smooth and that I've got all the hairs off.
Lazy toilets is me taking them to the toilet and holding their willy for them to pee and then sucking them clean. Help in the bath is when they are too tired to are for themselves so I have to sponge them down and wash their willy and balls, counselling sessions, they lay on a sofa and tell me all their problems and I'll help them talk about any worries or concerns they have, give them willy smooths, and offer them a suck on my nipples. "
if you need any assistants just holler  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Do you not douche them 'bags?
I won't rim a non douched starfish "
I tell anybody I meet that I expect them to be freshly showered after their last poop. Sweat collected between the bum cheeks is fine so a heavy gym session and them a rim would be fine. Any clinkers or wing nuts hanging off them I wouldn't be shy to chuck them in the bath. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Do you not douche them 'bags?
I won't rim a non douched starfish
I tell anybody I meet that I expect them to be freshly showered after their last poop. Sweat collected between the bum cheeks is fine so a heavy gym session and them a rim would be fine. Any clinkers or wing nuts hanging off them I wouldn't be shy to chuck them in the bath. "
douche,douche,douche |
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"Do you not douche them 'bags?
I won't rim a non douched starfish
I tell anybody I meet that I expect them to be freshly showered after their last poop. Sweat collected between the bum cheeks is fine so a heavy gym session and them a rim would be fine. Any clinkers or wing nuts hanging off them I wouldn't be shy to chuck them in the bath.
douche,douche,douche"
Yep douche. Shower means nothing if you want a completely clean rim |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Do you not douche them 'bags?
I won't rim a non douched starfish
I tell anybody I meet that I expect them to be freshly showered after their last poop. Sweat collected between the bum cheeks is fine so a heavy gym session and them a rim would be fine. Any clinkers or wing nuts hanging off them I wouldn't be shy to chuck them in the bath.
douche,douche,douche"
I met a guy for a long weekend in London (3rd meet we'd had) it was medical day. He bought proper hospital gowns and speculums and bits and bobs. I needed an enema (was just a douche) bent me over the sink in the hotel bathroom I had my hospital gown on open at the back, a warm woosh of water up my bottom then he places me on the toilet, bubble fluffs and embarrassing noises and arse juice dribbling out all whilst he was standing by the door asking if I wanted a sweet cuppa tea! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Do you not douche them 'bags?
I won't rim a non douched starfish
I tell anybody I meet that I expect them to be freshly showered after their last poop. Sweat collected between the bum cheeks is fine so a heavy gym session and them a rim would be fine. Any clinkers or wing nuts hanging off them I wouldn't be shy to chuck them in the bath.
douche,douche,douche
I met a guy for a long weekend in London (3rd meet we'd had) it was medical day. He bought proper hospital gowns and speculums and bits and bobs. I needed an enema (was just a douche) bent me over the sink in the hotel bathroom I had my hospital gown on open at the back, a warm woosh of water up my bottom then he places me on the toilet, bubble fluffs and embarrassing noises and arse juice dribbling out all whilst he was standing by the door asking if I wanted a sweet cuppa tea! "
douching is a private thing |
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"Do you not douche them 'bags?
I won't rim a non douched starfish
I tell anybody I meet that I expect them to be freshly showered after their last poop. Sweat collected between the bum cheeks is fine so a heavy gym session and them a rim would be fine. Any clinkers or wing nuts hanging off them I wouldn't be shy to chuck them in the bath.
douche,douche,douche
I met a guy for a long weekend in London (3rd meet we'd had) it was medical day. He bought proper hospital gowns and speculums and bits and bobs. I needed an enema (was just a douche) bent me over the sink in the hotel bathroom I had my hospital gown on open at the back, a warm woosh of water up my bottom then he places me on the toilet, bubble fluffs and embarrassing noises and arse juice dribbling out all whilst he was standing by the door asking if I wanted a sweet cuppa tea! "
My 'medical days' are nothing like yours. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Do you not douche them 'bags?
I won't rim a non douched starfish
I tell anybody I meet that I expect them to be freshly showered after their last poop. Sweat collected between the bum cheeks is fine so a heavy gym session and them a rim would be fine. Any clinkers or wing nuts hanging off them I wouldn't be shy to chuck them in the bath.
douche,douche,douche
I met a guy for a long weekend in London (3rd meet we'd had) it was medical day. He bought proper hospital gowns and speculums and bits and bobs. I needed an enema (was just a douche) bent me over the sink in the hotel bathroom I had my hospital gown on open at the back, a warm woosh of water up my bottom then he places me on the toilet, bubble fluffs and embarrassing noises and arse juice dribbling out all whilst he was standing by the door asking if I wanted a sweet cuppa tea!
My 'medical days' are nothing like yours. "
Also had a creepy hand that rocks the cradle type gynaecologal examination, all good fun! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Do you not douche them 'bags?
I won't rim a non douched starfish
I tell anybody I meet that I expect them to be freshly showered after their last poop. Sweat collected between the bum cheeks is fine so a heavy gym session and them a rim would be fine. Any clinkers or wing nuts hanging off them I wouldn't be shy to chuck them in the bath.
douche,douche,douche
I met a guy for a long weekend in London (3rd meet we'd had) it was medical day. He bought proper hospital gowns and speculums and bits and bobs. I needed an enema (was just a douche) bent me over the sink in the hotel bathroom I had my hospital gown on open at the back, a warm woosh of water up my bottom then he places me on the toilet, bubble fluffs and embarrassing noises and arse juice dribbling out all whilst he was standing by the door asking if I wanted a sweet cuppa tea!
My 'medical days' are nothing like yours.
Also had a creepy hand that rocks the cradle type gynaecologal examination, all good fun!"
lol,we really must meet |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Eeew I'm creeping myself out now. I'm all about love and caring and looking after people. I've got foot spas and I've got loads of scholl equipment, foot pedi's, nail buffers etc. I've got facial steamers and I also do a hot flannel willy relaxer treatment. Chuck a wet flannel in the the microwave, wait for it to cool a bit and apply to the willy. |
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"Do you not douche them 'bags?
I won't rim a non douched starfish
I tell anybody I meet that I expect them to be freshly showered after their last poop. Sweat collected between the bum cheeks is fine so a heavy gym session and them a rim would be fine. Any clinkers or wing nuts hanging off them I wouldn't be shy to chuck them in the bath.
douche,douche,douche
I met a guy for a long weekend in London (3rd meet we'd had) it was medical day. He bought proper hospital gowns and speculums and bits and bobs. I needed an enema (was just a douche) bent me over the sink in the hotel bathroom I had my hospital gown on open at the back, a warm woosh of water up my bottom then he places me on the toilet, bubble fluffs and embarrassing noises and arse juice dribbling out all whilst he was standing by the door asking if I wanted a sweet cuppa tea!
My 'medical days' are nothing like yours.
Also had a creepy hand that rocks the cradle type gynaecologal examination, all good fun!"
  Your kinks never cease to educate me.
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Do you not douche them 'bags?
I won't rim a non douched starfish
I tell anybody I meet that I expect them to be freshly showered after their last poop. Sweat collected between the bum cheeks is fine so a heavy gym session and them a rim would be fine. Any clinkers or wing nuts hanging off them I wouldn't be shy to chuck them in the bath.
douche,douche,douche
I met a guy for a long weekend in London (3rd meet we'd had) it was medical day. He bought proper hospital gowns and speculums and bits and bobs. I needed an enema (was just a douche) bent me over the sink in the hotel bathroom I had my hospital gown on open at the back, a warm woosh of water up my bottom then he places me on the toilet, bubble fluffs and embarrassing noises and arse juice dribbling out all whilst he was standing by the door asking if I wanted a sweet cuppa tea!
My 'medical days' are nothing like yours.
Also had a creepy hand that rocks the cradle type gynaecologal examination, all good fun!
lol,we really must meet "
I think we'd get on, plus I'd need some help! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Do you not douche them 'bags?
I won't rim a non douched starfish
I tell anybody I meet that I expect them to be freshly showered after their last poop. Sweat collected between the bum cheeks is fine so a heavy gym session and them a rim would be fine. Any clinkers or wing nuts hanging off them I wouldn't be shy to chuck them in the bath.
douche,douche,douche
I met a guy for a long weekend in London (3rd meet we'd had) it was medical day. He bought proper hospital gowns and speculums and bits and bobs. I needed an enema (was just a douche) bent me over the sink in the hotel bathroom I had my hospital gown on open at the back, a warm woosh of water up my bottom then he places me on the toilet, bubble fluffs and embarrassing noises and arse juice dribbling out all whilst he was standing by the door asking if I wanted a sweet cuppa tea!
My 'medical days' are nothing like yours.
Also had a creepy hand that rocks the cradle type gynaecologal examination, all good fun!
lol,we really must meet
I think we'd get on, plus I'd need some help!"
you,ve a good sense of humour,,and sound fun,,yea I bet we'd have a giggle |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'd be far too innocent and no where near her standards
All you need is a clean arse and to live in Wales, I think you're quids in there in there bro
Oh hang on, have you got a massive penis "
I'll stay at home |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'd be far too innocent and no where near her standards
All you need is a clean arse and to live in Wales, I think you're quids in there in there bro
Oh hang on, have you got a massive penis
I'll stay at home "
is it small? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'd be far too innocent and no where near her standards
All you need is a clean arse and to live in Wales, I think you're quids in there in there bro
Oh hang on, have you got a massive penis
I'll stay at home
is it small?"
I like my Johnson, but I'm not about to have it torn apart by pretty girls and an audience |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'd be far too innocent and no where near her standards
All you need is a clean arse and to live in Wales, I think you're quids in there in there bro
Oh hang on, have you got a massive penis
I'll stay at home
is it small?
I like my Johnson, but I'm not about to have it torn apart by pretty girls and an audience "
Spoilsport  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'd be far too innocent and no where near her standards
All you need is a clean arse and to live in Wales, I think you're quids in there in there bro
Oh hang on, have you got a massive penis "
You missed out you also have to be popular |
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"I'd be far too innocent and no where near her standards
All you need is a clean arse and to live in Wales, I think you're quids in there in there bro
Oh hang on, have you got a massive penis
I'll stay at home
is it small?
I like my Johnson, but I'm not about to have it torn apart by pretty girls and an audience
Spoilsport "
Exactly, ya just can't get the cock these days  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I'd be far too innocent and no where near her standards
All you need is a clean arse and to live in Wales, I think you're quids in there in there bro
Oh hang on, have you got a massive penis
I'll stay at home
is it small?
I like my Johnson, but I'm not about to have it torn apart by pretty girls and an audience "
go on tell us how big is it?,,,we wont laugh,,,,,maybe we,ll gasp |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I'd be far too innocent and no where near her standards
All you need is a clean arse and to live in Wales, I think you're quids in there in there bro
Oh hang on, have you got a massive penis
You missed out you also have to be popular "
And who decides if one is popular or not? How is popularity measured? Inches? Kg? Light years?
This party is harder to get into that the other one that was a once in a life time opportunity |
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"go on tell us how big is it?,,,we wont laugh,,,,,maybe we,ll gasp "
I doubt very much that it would be as impressive as yours Mikki |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I'd be far too innocent and no where near her standards
All you need is a clean arse and to live in Wales, I think you're quids in there in there bro
Oh hang on, have you got a massive penis
I'll stay at home
is it small?
I like my Johnson, but I'm not about to have it torn apart by pretty girls and an audience
go on tell us how big is it?,,,we wont laugh,,,,,maybe we,ll gasp "
Small enough to fit in the cat flap but too big for the key hole |
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"I'd be far too innocent and no where near her standards
All you need is a clean arse and to live in Wales, I think you're quids in there in there bro
Oh hang on, have you got a massive penis
I'll stay at home
is it small?
I like my Johnson, but I'm not about to have it torn apart by pretty girls and an audience
go on tell us how big is it?,,,we wont laugh,,,,,maybe we,ll gasp
Small enough to fit in the cat flap but too big for the key hole "
Is that flaccid or engorged?  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I'd be far too innocent and no where near her standards
All you need is a clean arse and to live in Wales, I think you're quids in there in there bro
Oh hang on, have you got a massive penis
You missed out you also have to be popular "
Don't need to be popular |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I'd be far too innocent and no where near her standards
All you need is a clean arse and to live in Wales, I think you're quids in there in there bro
Oh hang on, have you got a massive penis
I'll stay at home
is it small?
I like my Johnson, but I'm not about to have it torn apart by pretty girls and an audience
go on tell us how big is it?,,,we wont laugh,,,,,maybe we,ll gasp
Small enough to fit in the cat flap but too big for the key hole
Is that flaccid or engorged? "
The measurements would be accurate in both scenarios |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Eeew I'm creeping myself out now. I'm all about love and caring and looking after people. I've got foot spas and I've got loads of scholl equipment, foot pedi's, nail buffers etc. I've got facial steamers and I also do a hot flannel willy relaxer treatment. Chuck a wet flannel in the the microwave, wait for it to cool a bit and apply to the willy. "
Hot flannel willy relaxer treatment you say ? Fucking hell Teabags you are just brilliant.
I always know I'm going to love a thread if you post.
Mrs |
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"What are the requirements? "
You have to exactly match the teabags attractiveness test. Cock size is but one element. I just got caught up in the measuring bit, having conducted research for Sydney University in this specific area a few years ago.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Just keep it simple,
A door with a peep hole, Face
Now if you could just insert your cock through the hole in the door for a full inspection
And finally talk into the intercom and tell me your filthiest fantasy
|
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"Just keep it simple,
A door with a peep hole, Face
Now if you could just insert your cock through the hole in the door for a full inspection
And finally talk into the intercom and tell me your filthiest fantasy
"
You're on door duty to let the men in? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Just keep it simple,
A door with a peep hole, Face
Now if you could just insert your cock through the hole in the door for a full inspection
And finally talk into the intercom and tell me your filthiest fantasy
You're on door duty to let the men in? "
No, I'm not into men
And not my idea of a party being surrounded by Men with huge cocks
Not that I would make it past the door myself anyway |
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"Just keep it simple,
A door with a peep hole, Face
Now if you could just insert your cock through the hole in the door for a full inspection
And finally talk into the intercom and tell me your filthiest fantasy
You're on door duty to let the men in?
No, I'm not into men
And not my idea of a party being surrounded by Men with huge cocks
Not that I would make it past the door myself anyway"
You wouldn't pass the teabags height test... But there are other parties where you would be more than deliciously welcome. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just keep it simple,
A door with a peep hole, Face
Now if you could just insert your cock through the hole in the door for a full inspection
And finally talk into the intercom and tell me your filthiest fantasy
You're on door duty to let the men in?
No, I'm not into men
And not my idea of a party being surrounded by Men with huge cocks
Not that I would make it past the door myself anyway
You wouldn't pass the teabags height test... But there are other parties where you would be more than deliciously welcome. "
teabags wouldn't pass a lot of guys height test, she is only 5/3 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Just keep it simple,
A door with a peep hole, Face
Now if you could just insert your cock through the hole in the door for a full inspection
And finally talk into the intercom and tell me your filthiest fantasy
You're on door duty to let the men in?
No, I'm not into men
And not my idea of a party being surrounded by Men with huge cocks
Not that I would make it past the door myself anyway
You wouldn't pass the teabags height test... But there are other parties where you would be more than deliciously welcome.
teabags wouldn't pass a lot of guys height test, she is only 5/3 "
Obviously the guys that came to my party would only come if they were ok with my height! |
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