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Cheating
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"Ok. So I see a lot people on here who are playing away from home. Now there are presumably many reasons but what I don't get (both on here and offline world) is why stay. Some will say for children etc and I understand this can be a factor. Others are very young, only been going out a year or so. Why stay? If your relationship is not fulfilling then surely you deserve more? The other half deserves more. Everyone deserves to be loved completely and not only is this being taken away from yourself but it's being taken away from someone else. Time to share love is being robbed. Controversial I know and you might have guessed it, I'm anti cheat. I've been through the heartbreak and I can tell you, it devastates you and changes you. So that's my reason I don't and won't do it or play with any one in a relationship. But, I like to here people's opinions anyway. " Many reasons why, and even more to stay, some feel their needs are selfish and it would punish the children if they left or everything else is great with relationship just not enough ot no sex. Imagine leaving someone who your still in love with, and watching the children be devastated too. I guess this seems like the best option. | |||
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"money was the main factor for me i stayed in a sexless unhappy marriage for 8 years i had three kids and a joint mortgage so if i left id have to save for a deposit while paying for the house i was in, if i left id have to pay rent on my new home as well as the mortgage on my home id moved out of and provide for three kids its not always that easy " But you must have left on the end. What made you leave in the end? | |||
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"It isn't always just about the two people in the relationship and life is rarely black and white. " Inunderstand children are a factor and this makes things much more complex. I still can't excuse it but I can understand why people would stay. You can't just think about yourself when children rely on you. A point I made though was about people without children. Quite early in relationships like 1-2 years in. They're already cheating.... | |||
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"It isn't always just about the two people in the relationship and life is rarely black and white. Inunderstand children are a factor and this makes things much more complex. I still can't excuse it but I can understand why people would stay. You can't just think about yourself when children rely on you. A point I made though was about people without children. Quite early in relationships like 1-2 years in. They're already cheating...." i think now i would proper cheat on someone if the sex wasn't good but everything else was. i had a LDR not long back, split for good a year ago, and went without sex way too much because of this. and if i did it again i think i would be tempted to fuck guys without his knowledge. | |||
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"It isn't always just about the two people in the relationship and life is rarely black and white. Inunderstand children are a factor and this makes things much more complex. I still can't excuse it but I can understand why people would stay. You can't just think about yourself when children rely on you. A point I made though was about people without children. Quite early in relationships like 1-2 years in. They're already cheating.... i think now i would proper cheat on someone if the sex wasn't good but everything else was. i had a LDR not long back, split for good a year ago, and went without sex way too much because of this. and if i did it again i think i would be tempted to fuck guys without his knowledge." Would you not avoid the LDR (took me a while to figure out what that meant)? | |||
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"It isn't always just about the two people in the relationship and life is rarely black and white. Inunderstand children are a factor and this makes things much more complex. I still can't excuse it but I can understand why people would stay. You can't just think about yourself when children rely on you. A point I made though was about people without children. Quite early in relationships like 1-2 years in. They're already cheating.... i think now i would proper cheat on someone if the sex wasn't good but everything else was. i had a LDR not long back, split for good a year ago, and went without sex way too much because of this. and if i did it again i think i would be tempted to fuck guys without his knowledge. Would you not avoid the LDR (took me a while to figure out what that meant)? " Well yes i would, and do, try to avoid scenarios where i'm not 100% happy. But when you click with someone distance shouldn't matter. Sex shouldn't either but i wouldn't be prepared to sacrifice on that again, especially as it wasn't worth it in the end. I know this is my issue though and i could lose my 'ideal' because of it. It's also why i'm actively seeking someone who is ok with me having sex with other guys. I'd rather not cheat but tbh i have had a bit of a buzz off doing it in the past as well because of the way i've been treated. | |||
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"It isn't always just about the two people in the relationship and life is rarely black and white. Inunderstand children are a factor and this makes things much more complex. I still can't excuse it but I can understand why people would stay. You can't just think about yourself when children rely on you. A point I made though was about people without children. Quite early in relationships like 1-2 years in. They're already cheating.... i think now i would proper cheat on someone if the sex wasn't good but everything else was. i had a LDR not long back, split for good a year ago, and went without sex way too much because of this. and if i did it again i think i would be tempted to fuck guys without his knowledge. Would you not avoid the LDR (took me a while to figure out what that meant)? Well yes i would, and do, try to avoid scenarios where i'm not 100% happy. But when you click with someone distance shouldn't matter. Sex shouldn't either but i wouldn't be prepared to sacrifice on that again, especially as it wasn't worth it in the end. I know this is my issue though and i could lose my 'ideal' because of it. It's also why i'm actively seeking someone who is ok with me having sex with other guys. I'd rather not cheat but tbh i have had a bit of a buzz off doing it in the past as well because of the way i've been treated." Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Our past has a lot to answer for to our future! X | |||
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"It isn't always just about the two people in the relationship and life is rarely black and white. Inunderstand children are a factor and this makes things much more complex. I still can't excuse it but I can understand why people would stay. You can't just think about yourself when children rely on you. A point I made though was about people without children. Quite early in relationships like 1-2 years in. They're already cheating.... i think now i would proper cheat on someone if the sex wasn't good but everything else was. i had a LDR not long back, split for good a year ago, and went without sex way too much because of this. and if i did it again i think i would be tempted to fuck guys without his knowledge. Would you not avoid the LDR (took me a while to figure out what that meant)? Well yes i would, and do, try to avoid scenarios where i'm not 100% happy. But when you click with someone distance shouldn't matter. Sex shouldn't either but i wouldn't be prepared to sacrifice on that again, especially as it wasn't worth it in the end. I know this is my issue though and i could lose my 'ideal' because of it. It's also why i'm actively seeking someone who is ok with me having sex with other guys. I'd rather not cheat but tbh i have had a bit of a buzz off doing it in the past as well because of the way i've been treated. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Our past has a lot to answer for to our future! X" You're welcome. I like thinking about things on a deeper level and sharing them. But yes my past has messed me up a little, every time i think i've got myself sorted i realise i haven't. Reality isn't anything like i imagined it would be. So i have to stop imagining.  | |||
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"There is love. And there is sex. I can separate the two quite easily " This. There are many reasons why a person might need to look elsewhere for the purely physical act of sex - as long as they are honest from the outset about being married (or in a relationship) it's not necessary in my opinion to divulge them. If a relationship is perfect aside from the sexual aspect, why would one leave? | |||
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I completely understand about the emotions involved in commitment to relationships. However, as swingers, we are here to enjoy sex with as many people as we wish. The nature of swinging is liberating and the only rules we should impose are those of mutual respect.
Remember, none of us know how long we have. Our time on this earth is fleeting. Enjoy what time we have..... And party on down dudes!
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"For the record we don't play with people who are playing away, swinging for us is about openness and honesty not in this to hurt anyone."  | |||
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romantically that is.
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"It isn't always just about the two people in the relationship and life is rarely black and white. Inunderstand children are a factor and this makes things much more complex. I still can't excuse it but I can understand why people would stay. You can't just think about yourself when children rely on you. A point I made though was about people without children. Quite early in relationships like 1-2 years in. They're already cheating...." Who knows? Some people are unfaithful throughout their entire life. I don't think anyone can understand the motives behind it all. | |||
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"What are you classing as cheating? The person who doesn't have extra marital sex but happily craves the company of others, the wooing, the sharing of confidences and the intimacy gets to hold their hands up and say, I haven't had sex with anyone else and doesn't (necessarily) get called a cheat. The sharing and flirting on the forum with people you know to be married, does that count as cheating? " we re both flirtatious at work,here but draw the line at anything that might hurt each other | |||
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"What are you classing as cheating? The person who doesn't have extra marital sex but happily craves the company of others, the wooing, the sharing of confidences and the intimacy gets to hold their hands up and say, I haven't had sex with anyone else and doesn't (necessarily) get called a cheat. The sharing and flirting on the forum with people you know to be married, does that count as cheating? we re both flirtatious at work,here but draw the line at anything that might hurt each other " You trust that you both know where that line is, and that it never shifts? I'm sure you do but for those not in your relationship and being flirted with how do they know they aren't facilitating cheating? | |||
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"There is love. And there is sex. I can separate the two quite easily This. There are many reasons why a person might need to look elsewhere for the purely physical act of sex - as long as they are honest from the outset about being married (or in a relationship) it's not necessary in my opinion to divulge them. If a relationship is perfect aside from the sexual aspect, why would one leave? " Mainly because the dramatic and devastating consequences of the actions. Being unfaithful damages a relationship and the other party often causing irrevocable damage. It breaks a persons heart and impacts their ability to trust. Knowing that unbearable pain, I'd say that's the reason to leave. I'd rather go through that pain again myself than put someone through that pain. | |||
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"What are you classing as cheating? The person who doesn't have extra marital sex but happily craves the company of others, the wooing, the sharing of confidences and the intimacy gets to hold their hands up and say, I haven't had sex with anyone else and doesn't (necessarily) get called a cheat. The sharing and flirting on the forum with people you know to be married, does that count as cheating? " Sexually or emotionally. It's the same. There's is no difference. | |||
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"There is love. And there is sex. I can separate the two quite easily This. There are many reasons why a person might need to look elsewhere for the purely physical act of sex - as long as they are honest from the outset about being married (or in a relationship) it's not necessary in my opinion to divulge them. If a relationship is perfect aside from the sexual aspect, why would one leave? Mainly because the dramatic and devastating consequences of the actions. Being unfaithful damages a relationship and the other party often causing irrevocable damage. It breaks a persons heart and impacts their ability to trust. Knowing that unbearable pain, I'd say that's the reason to leave. I'd rather go through that pain again myself than put someone through that pain. " I think (quite reasonably) that you're assuming every experience is the same as yours when in fact each set if circumstances is unique. That's why I would never interfere in someone else's relationship by telling a partner that the other one was "cheating" you truly never know what goes on behind closed doors. | |||
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"Cheaters are childish, selfish arse hats. Swingers who have an open, loving relationship and communicate about their sex life like adults are top banana. And that's my 2p." | |||
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"There is love. And there is sex. I can separate the two quite easily This. There are many reasons why a person might need to look elsewhere for the purely physical act of sex - as long as they are honest from the outset about being married (or in a relationship) it's not necessary in my opinion to divulge them. If a relationship is perfect aside from the sexual aspect, why would one leave? Mainly because the dramatic and devastating consequences of the actions. Being unfaithful damages a relationship and the other party often causing irrevocable damage. It breaks a persons heart and impacts their ability to trust. Knowing that unbearable pain, I'd say that's the reason to leave. I'd rather go through that pain again myself than put someone through that pain. I think (quite reasonably) that you're assuming every experience is the same as yours when in fact each set if circumstances is unique. That's why I would never interfere in someone else's relationship by telling a partner that the other one was "cheating" you truly never know what goes on behind closed doors." honesty is the best policy in my book. If only more couples were as honest with each other in vanilla world as they are in the swinging world. | |||
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"In addition to the many things that make a great relationship amazing simply treat people as you would expect them to treat yourself. If kids are involved certainly consider how they expect their parents to treat each other and their homelife to be. A s#it relationship environment and operating in the shadows aint good or healthy for adults or kids. Not too complex really although to anyone with modern low values/no morals it wont really matter. " Modern low values? When do you define modern from? Just because people used to stay married doesn't mean there was no infidelity. | |||
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"In addition to the many things that make a great relationship amazing simply treat people as you would expect them to treat yourself. If kids are involved certainly consider how they expect their parents to treat each other and their homelife to be. A s#it relationship environment and operating in the shadows aint good or healthy for adults or kids. Not too complex really although to anyone with modern low values/no morals it wont really matter. Modern low values? When do you define modern from? Just because people used to stay married doesn't mean there was no infidelity. " Maybe it's more how accessible things are. Previously sex and all it had to offer was not so accessible, now we have the web where we get to explore our fantasies and meet more like minded people. Now it's easier to get what you want because it's easier to talk about it with others. | |||
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"There is love. And there is sex. I can separate the two quite easily This. There are many reasons why a person might need to look elsewhere for the purely physical act of sex - as long as they are honest from the outset about being married (or in a relationship) it's not necessary in my opinion to divulge them. If a relationship is perfect aside from the sexual aspect, why would one leave? Mainly because the dramatic and devastating consequences of the actions. Being unfaithful damages a relationship and the other party often causing irrevocable damage. It breaks a persons heart and impacts their ability to trust. Knowing that unbearable pain, I'd say that's the reason to leave. I'd rather go through that pain again myself than put someone through that pain. I think (quite reasonably) that you're assuming every experience is the same as yours when in fact each set if circumstances is unique. That's why I would never interfere in someone else's relationship by telling a partner that the other one was "cheating" you truly never know what goes on behind closed doors. honesty is the best policy in my book. If only more couples were as honest with each other in vanilla world as they are in the swinging world. " But how do you know they aren't? | |||
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"In addition to the many things that make a great relationship amazing simply treat people as you would expect them to treat yourself. If kids are involved certainly consider how they expect their parents to treat each other and their homelife to be. A s#it relationship environment and operating in the shadows aint good or healthy for adults or kids. Not too complex really although to anyone with modern low values/no morals it wont really matter. Modern low values? When do you define modern from? Just because people used to stay married doesn't mean there was no infidelity. " On modern low values - work it out, it's not science. As for 'Just because people used to stay married doesn't mean there was no infidelity'. I assume you've got me mixed up with someone else as not something I mentioned or touched on  | |||
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"In addition to the many things that make a great relationship amazing simply treat people as you would expect them to treat yourself. If kids are involved certainly consider how they expect their parents to treat each other and their homelife to be. A s#it relationship environment and operating in the shadows aint good or healthy for adults or kids. Not too complex really although to anyone with modern low values/no morals it wont really matter. Modern low values? When do you define modern from? Just because people used to stay married doesn't mean there was no infidelity. On modern low values - work it out, it's not science. As for 'Just because people used to stay married doesn't mean there was no infidelity'. I assume you've got me mixed up with someone else as not something I mentioned or touched on "How have relationship values changed since people started getting married? | |||
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"There is love. And there is sex. I can separate the two quite easily This. There are many reasons why a person might need to look elsewhere for the purely physical act of sex - as long as they are honest from the outset about being married (or in a relationship) it's not necessary in my opinion to divulge them. If a relationship is perfect aside from the sexual aspect, why would one leave? Mainly because the dramatic and devastating consequences of the actions. Being unfaithful damages a relationship and the other party often causing irrevocable damage. It breaks a persons heart and impacts their ability to trust. Knowing that unbearable pain, I'd say that's the reason to leave. I'd rather go through that pain again myself than put someone through that pain. I think (quite reasonably) that you're assuming every experience is the same as yours when in fact each set if circumstances is unique. That's why I would never interfere in someone else's relationship by telling a partner that the other one was "cheating" you truly never know what goes on behind closed doors. honesty is the best policy in my book. If only more couples were as honest with each other in vanilla world as they are in the swinging world. But how do you know they aren't? " Then they would not be cheating..... Cheating would imply they're being deceptive, not honest, doing something they shouldn't be. If they were honest about what they were doing then they wouldn't be cheating. | |||
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" If only more couples were as honest with each other in vanilla world as they are in the swinging world. But how do you know they aren't? Then they would not be cheating..... Cheating would imply they're being deceptive, not honest, doing something they shouldn't be. If they were honest about what they were doing then they wouldn't be cheating. " Therein lies the problem. How would you know? If someone told you they had permission, do you believe them? I know non-swinging couples who do give each other permission but it's their business and they don't go into the intimacies of what their agreements are with someone with whom they decide to have casual sex. | |||
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" If only more couples were as honest with each other in vanilla world as they are in the swinging world. But how do you know they aren't? Then they would not be cheating..... Cheating would imply they're being deceptive, not honest, doing something they shouldn't be. If they were honest about what they were doing then they wouldn't be cheating. Therein lies the problem. How would you know? If someone told you they had permission, do you believe them? I know non-swinging couples who do give each other permission but it's their business and they don't go into the intimacies of what their agreements are with someone with whom they decide to have casual sex. " Nope. I did consider it but then just couldn't. He offered for me to speak to his wife on the phone etc but it just wasn't for me. I've been caught out on here with "single" guys. You learn to recognise habits and you figure out they're not single. | |||
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"If a swinger can separate sex from love it stands to reason a non-swinger can. Not telling your partner or getting consent doesn't automatically mean they don't love them. " theres way too many holes in that theory to be worth the risk tbh | |||
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"I am married. Swinging is a hobby for me. I play alone. If you don't wish to play with marrieds/ partnered, then don't. I thought Fab was for anyone and everyone. Inclusive and respectful of diverse lifestyles. So stop being so fucking sanctimonious. " Little bit touchy aren't you. My thread is around cheating. Not swinging | |||
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"I am married. Swinging is a hobby for me. I play alone. If you don't wish to play with marrieds/ partnered, then don't. I thought Fab was for anyone and everyone. Inclusive and respectful of diverse lifestyles. So stop being so fucking sanctimonious. " the clues in the title FABSWINGERS not fabcheaters fabcouldntgiveafuckforanyoneelse peoples feelings matter whether race,economic or sexual preference ,any ignorance of these makes you morally corrupt imo | |||
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"Ok. So I see a lot people on here who are playing away from home. Now there are presumably many reasons but what I don't get (both on here and offline world) is why stay. Some will say for children etc and I understand this can be a factor. Others are very young, only been going out a year or so. Why stay? If your relationship is not fulfilling then surely you deserve more? The other half deserves more. Everyone deserves to be loved completely and not only is this being taken away from yourself but it's being taken away from someone else. Time to share love is being robbed. Controversial I know and you might have guessed it, I'm anti cheat. I've been through the heartbreak and I can tell you, it devastates you and changes you. So that's my reason I don't and won't do it or play with any one in a relationship. But, I like to here people's opinions anyway. " I met my husband at 14, married him at 20, two children, both now adults and I guess stuck in a rut. I couldn't afford to move out on my wages, not for somewhere decent anyway. Other reasons too but when I tell people them they don't understand | |||
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"I am married. Swinging is a hobby for me. I play alone. If you don't wish to play with marrieds/ partnered, then don't. I thought Fab was for anyone and everyone. Inclusive and respectful of diverse lifestyles. So stop being so fucking sanctimonious. " cheating isn't a lifestyle lmao | |||
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"I am married. Swinging is a hobby for me. I play alone. If you don't wish to play with marrieds/ partnered, then don't. I thought Fab was for anyone and everyone. Inclusive and respectful of diverse lifestyles. So stop being so fucking sanctimonious. the clues in the title FABSWINGERS not fabcheaters fabcouldntgiveafuckforanyoneelse peoples feelings matter whether race,economic or sexual preference ,any ignorance of these makes you morally corrupt imo" Well it's taken longer than usual for someone to trot the old it's FABSWINGERS not FAB CHEATERS line out ~ actually if you google NSA sex it also leads to this site. You live by your own moral code & let others live theirs | |||
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"Ok. So I see a lot people on here who are playing away from home. Now there are presumably many reasons but what I don't get (both on here and offline world) is why stay. Some will say for children etc and I understand this can be a factor. Others are very young, only been going out a year or so. Why stay? If your relationship is not fulfilling then surely you deserve more? The other half deserves more. Everyone deserves to be loved completely and not only is this being taken away from yourself but it's being taken away from someone else. Time to share love is being robbed. Controversial I know and you might have guessed it, I'm anti cheat. I've been through the heartbreak and I can tell you, it devastates you and changes you. So that's my reason I don't and won't do it or play with any one in a relationship. But, I like to here people's opinions anyway. I met my husband at 14, married him at 20, two children, both now adults and I guess stuck in a rut. I couldn't afford to move out on my wages, not for somewhere decent anyway. Other reasons too but when I tell people them they don't understand " Thank you. I may not agree with them but they're your reasons but I understand it in a small way. It's why I stayed with my ex for a short time. | |||
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"I am married. Swinging is a hobby for me. I play alone. If you don't wish to play with marrieds/ partnered, then don't. I thought Fab was for anyone and everyone. Inclusive and respectful of diverse lifestyles. So stop being so fucking sanctimonious. Little bit touchy aren't you. My thread is around cheating. Not swinging " Just really pissed off at the level of judgemental shit about people like me. Yes, I am married. No, he doesn't know. I enjoy swinging. Is that cheating? Or is it ok if it is just meaningless sex? Am I worse because I have children? Shoud I be condemned because I have met a wonderful man through swinging? Worse than the fucking Middle Ages. | |||
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"Your husband is nt a wonderful man then not worth the truth so he could move on I guess " Life outside swinging is rarely simple. It would be easy to make a snap judgement about circumstances you do not know about. | |||
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"Ok. So I see a lot people on here who are playing away from home. Now there are presumably many reasons but what I don't get (both on here and offline world) is why stay. Some will say for children etc and I understand this can be a factor. Others are very young, only been going out a year or so. Why stay? If your relationship is not fulfilling then surely you deserve more? The other half deserves more. Everyone deserves to be loved completely and not only is this being taken away from yourself but it's being taken away from someone else. Time to share love is being robbed. Controversial I know and you might have guessed it, I'm anti cheat. I've been through the heartbreak and I can tell you, it devastates you and changes you. So that's my reason I don't and won't do it or play with any one in a relationship. But, I like to here people's opinions anyway. I met my husband at 14, married him at 20, two children, both now adults and I guess stuck in a rut. I couldn't afford to move out on my wages, not for somewhere decent anyway. Other reasons too but when I tell people them they don't understand Thank you. I may not agree with them but they're your reasons but I understand it in a small way. It's why I stayed with my ex for a short time. " Thank you, it's nice to not be criticised. I forgot to add that we married in 1983, so not so easy to walk away from, not that it's really relevant I guess  | |||
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"I am married. Swinging is a hobby for me. I play alone. If you don't wish to play with marrieds/ partnered, then don't. I thought Fab was for anyone and everyone. Inclusive and respectful of diverse lifestyles. So stop being so fucking sanctimonious. Little bit touchy aren't you. My thread is around cheating. Not swinging Just really pissed off at the level of judgemental shit about people like me. Yes, I am married. No, he doesn't know. I enjoy swinging. Is that cheating? Or is it ok if it is just meaningless sex? Am I worse because I have children? Shoud I be condemned because I have met a wonderful man through swinging? Worse than the fucking Middle Ages." People can share opinions and I don't think we're attacking anyone personally. It's your life and if your happy with your choices then it shouldn't matter what I or anyone else thinks. I wouldn't say worse because you have children. I don't think that should either make you stay or leave and it shouldn't dictate who you have sex with. If you're with someone and having sex with others, regardless if you call it swinging. If your partner/husband does not know then yes, I would say that is cheating. If he doesn't know then it's cheating. If you have met a wonderful man through swining that's awesome but it's still an affair. | |||
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"Ok. So I see a lot people on here who are playing away from home. Now there are presumably many reasons but what I don't get (both on here and offline world) is why stay. Some will say for children etc and I understand this can be a factor. Others are very young, only been going out a year or so. Why stay? If your relationship is not fulfilling then surely you deserve more? The other half deserves more. Everyone deserves to be loved completely and not only is this being taken away from yourself but it's being taken away from someone else. Time to share love is being robbed. Controversial I know and you might have guessed it, I'm anti cheat. I've been through the heartbreak and I can tell you, it devastates you and changes you. So that's my reason I don't and won't do it or play with any one in a relationship. But, I like to here people's opinions anyway. I met my husband at 14, married him at 20, two children, both now adults and I guess stuck in a rut. I couldn't afford to move out on my wages, not for somewhere decent anyway. Other reasons too but when I tell people them they don't understand Thank you. I may not agree with them but they're your reasons but I understand it in a small way. It's why I stayed with my ex for a short time. Thank you, it's nice to not be criticised. I forgot to add that we married in 1983, so not so easy to walk away from, not that it's really relevant I guess "I don't think anyone should really be criticised. It's your life to live how you want. It just makes me wonder about the life that you're missing out on though. The freedom you're entitled to and should have to be who you are and with whom you want. But if it works for you then it works. I guess my thread was more aimed at the ones who have no responsibility to each other yet they still stay.... | |||
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"Its not always the case you have to walk away whos to say the partner does nt want variety or swinging or whatever it just seems a selfish cowards way to cheat " I share most of your sentiment. You do have to walk away. | |||
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"Hi, another cheaters thread, this subject has been done to death, I'm a cheater nobody's business but mine, if you think the person you are chatting with is a cheater and it's not for you, walk on by, simples. Jim " Well maybe if they stopped messaging single ladies and ignoring the statements they make about not being interested in married men then this bread wouldn't be here as it wouldn't have prompted me to write it. | |||
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"I dont see why people who are married and cheating should get the amount of abuse they get on here" Really? #should a gone to Specsavers! | |||
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"I personally would never ever cheat if I was in love. And from personal experience if i ever felt the need to look for sex elsewhere without my partners knowledge I'd end it!! I' don't believe in staying because of kids!! Or circumstances !! I left my kids dad after 14 yrs and I left with my kids and my car,, and dignity " gud for you. I left both my cheating ex husbands | |||
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"money was the main factor for me i stayed in a sexless unhappy marriage for 8 years i had three kids and a joint mortgage so if i left id have to save for a deposit while paying for the house i was in, if i left id have to pay rent on my new home as well as the mortgage on my home id moved out of and provide for three kids its not always that easy " Tell me about it, i started cheating about two years ago after 15 yrs and four kids, Four years ago I lost a lot of weight about 7 Stone my husband was a bit of a feeder when I rebelled and stopped letting him over feed me he lost all interest in me after a few years I thought hell I feel sexy why not, everyone likes to be desired, now I've decided that it's time to go and it's hard it's been very hard I'm not happy with cheating (he doesn't know) however it's been plain nasty since I've said I'm going he doesn't want me, told me I had no tits and no arse and 100s of other not so pleasant stuff leaving is hard but I know I'm doing the right thing for me we only have one life | |||
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"I dont see why people who are married and cheating should get the amount of abuse they get on here Really? #should a gone to Specsavers! "lmao sheer class | |||
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"I personally would never ever cheat if I was in love. And from personal experience if i ever felt the need to look for sex elsewhere without my partners knowledge I'd end it!! I' don't believe in staying because of kids!! Or circumstances !! I left my kids dad after 14 yrs and I left with my kids and my car,, and dignity gud for you. I left both my cheating ex husbands " thank you x | |||
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"money was the main factor for me i stayed in a sexless unhappy marriage for 8 years i had three kids and a joint mortgage so if i left id have to save for a deposit while paying for the house i was in, if i left id have to pay rent on my new home as well as the mortgage on my home id moved out of and provide for three kids its not always that easy Tell me about it, i started cheating about two years ago after 15 yrs and four kids, Four years ago I lost a lot of weight about 7 Stone my husband was a bit of a feeder when I rebelled and stopped letting him over feed me he lost all interest in me after a few years I thought hell I feel sexy why not, everyone likes to be desired, now I've decided that it's time to go and it's hard it's been very hard I'm not happy with cheating (he doesn't know) however it's been plain nasty since I've said I'm going he doesn't want me, told me I had no tits and no arse and 100s of other not so pleasant stuff leaving is hard but I know I'm doing the right thing for me we only have one life " Great news that you've realised your worth more! Live life and be happy. | |||
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"Hi, another cheaters thread, this subject has been done to death, I'm a cheater nobody's business but mine, if you think the person you are chatting with is a cheater and it's not for you, walk on by, simples. Jim " WELL ! case rested | |||
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"Money!! I had joint morgtage and 2 kids 14 yr relationship !! I LEFT!!! Fuck money etc, I found a way!! My ex is VERY VERY well off I slept in a friends house for 4 weeks living out of my car! I refused to stay in a relationship for the sake of it! It's been hard, shit and lonelmore! But I made the right decision x well done you " | |||
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"Money!! I had joint morgtage and 2 kids 14 yr relationship !! I LEFT!!! Fuck money etc, I found a way!! My ex is VERY VERY well off I slept in a friends house for 4 weeks living out of my car! I refused to stay in a relationship for the sake of it! It's been hard, shit and lonelmore! But I made the right decision x well done you " | |||
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"What are you classing as cheating? The sharing and flirting on the forum with people you know to be married, does that count as cheating? " I asked this question before & found that people didn't see it as facilitating as they were just sharing banter, is it because a lot of 'popular' forumites past & present have been / are attached, I don't know..... | |||
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"For me life is as easy as you make it I love, respect and am completely honest with my wife as she is with me there is never an excuse to cheat in my opinion if there is no trust or respect there is no relationship and all the people talking about money as the driving reason they didn't leave and started an affair are just trying to justify the fact that they didn't have the balls to face up to their responsibility " Totally agree!! | |||
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"What are you classing as cheating? The sharing and flirting on the forum with people you know to be married, does that count as cheating? I asked this question before & found that people didn't see it as facilitating as they were just sharing banter, is it because a lot of 'popular' forumites past & present have been / are attached, I don't know....." I've posted before that I see it as all the same. As I chat to married men and women on the forum and at socials and know they have not told their partners about this side of their life then I am involved. I don't judge why people are here, life is complicated, but I choose the level of interaction I am happy to expose myself to. It is funny how the condemnation of 'cheats' doesn't apply to some of the very popular people on the forum. My own experience of being cheated on was that the sex act didn't bother me. What did was the sharing jokes, secrets and good times together. The stuff that many of us have on here in a virtual and social way. Some of the women I consider as friends on here are cheating on their husbands. Some of the men I consider as friends on here are cheating on their wives. I must now consider myself to be a bisexual virtual other woman (without the sex bit). | |||
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"My partner of 9 months and I had a joint and seperate profiles. I was led to believe we were committed so I hid my solo profile and only concentrated on the joint one. I found out Thursday he had been cheating on me and he's taken her to the VA this evening. As the OP says, it's devastating and has knocked me for six especially as I found out about the 4 others he'd been seeing and the fact that he'd not used a condom with any of us. It's one thing to cheat, but to also trick people into risking their sexual health is abusive to say the least." Get tested and I assume you've deleted the joint profile? I wonder if he understood that you hiding your single profile meant he had to too? | |||
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"What are you classing as cheating? The sharing and flirting on the forum with people you know to be married, does that count as cheating? I asked this question before & found that people didn't see it as facilitating as they were just sharing banter, is it because a lot of 'popular' forumites past & present have been / are attached, I don't know..... I've posted before that I see it as all the same. As I chat to married men and women on the forum and at socials and know they have not told their partners about this side of their life then I am involved. I don't judge why people are here, life is complicated, but I choose the level of interaction I am happy to expose myself to. It is funny how the condemnation of 'cheats' doesn't apply to some of the very popular people on the forum. My own experience of being cheated on was that the sex act didn't bother me. What did was the sharing jokes, secrets and good times together. The stuff that many of us have on here in a virtual and social way. Some of the women I consider as friends on here are cheating on their husbands. Some of the men I consider as friends on here are cheating on their wives. I must now consider myself to be a bisexual virtual other woman (without the sex bit). "Exactly, it's not all about the sex. Which reinforces to me that more often than not that the forums are all about popularity over & above anything else..... | |||
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"My partner of 9 months and I had a joint and seperate profiles. I was led to believe we were committed so I hid my solo profile and only concentrated on the joint one. I found out Thursday he had been cheating on me and he's taken her to the VA this evening. As the OP says, it's devastating and has knocked me for six especially as I found out about the 4 others he'd been seeing and the fact that he'd not used a condom with any of us. It's one thing to cheat, but to also trick people into risking their sexual health is abusive to say the least." Thank you for sharing & I don't mean to rub salt in your wounds when I say the scenario you've described is just the worst type. You've given your trust & permission jointly to explore this lifestyle & he has still gone behind your back. I hope everything works out for you x | |||
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"For me life is as easy as you make it I love, respect and am completely honest with my wife as she is with me there is never an excuse to cheat in my opinion if there is no trust or respect there is no relationship and all the people talking about money as the driving reason they didn't leave and started an affair are just trying to justify the fact that they didn't have the balls to face up to their responsibility " | |||
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"I would be branded a 'cheater' but I am also in a very fulfilling and happy marriage. I understand the risks and mitigate for those and I have very specific reasons for being here which are my business alone. I am sure that I will be judged as that unfortunately seems to be the trend here but no one has walked in either mine or my husbands shoes so their attempts will be futile. I have spoken to some fascinating people here and I find that is the real joy of Fab and long may it continue..... " | |||
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"For me life is as easy as you make it I love, respect and am completely honest with my wife as she is with me there is never an excuse to cheat in my opinion if there is no trust or respect there is no relationship and all the people talking about money as the driving reason they didn't leave and started an affair are just trying to justify the fact that they didn't have the balls to face up to their responsibility " Good for you, your approach works, for you...
Appears to me that people are all to quick to tell others to leave. Years ago divorce was shameful, nowadays staying is.
An affair of course can wreck lives but it can also be the catalyst that changes lives. Usually it's not just the perpetrator that is at fault, (relationships are way more complex than that) & an affair signifies that a change is needed, it is possible that some good can come from it.
I don't expect the black & white brigade to understand what I am saying but I know there are others that can see the grey areas inbetween.
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"For me life is as easy as you make it I love, respect and am completely honest with my wife as she is with me there is never an excuse to cheat in my opinion if there is no trust or respect there is no relationship and all the people talking about money as the driving reason they didn't leave and started an affair are just trying to justify the fact that they didn't have the balls to face up to their responsibility Good for you, your approach works, for you...
Appears to me that people are all to quick to tell others to leave. Years ago divorce was shameful, nowadays staying is.
An affair of course can wreck lives but it can also be the catalyst that changes lives. Usually it's not just the perpetrator that is at fault, (relationships are way more complex than that) & an affair signifies that a change is needed, it is possible that some good can come from it.
I don't expect the black & white brigade to understand what I am saying but I know there are others that can see the grey areas inbetween.
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Staying means working to make it work.
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"For me life is as easy as you make it I love, respect and am completely honest with my wife as she is with me there is never an excuse to cheat in my opinion if there is no trust or respect there is no relationship and all the people talking about money as the driving reason they didn't leave and started an affair are just trying to justify the fact that they didn't have the balls to face up to their responsibility Good for you, your approach works, for you...
Appears to me that people are all to quick to tell others to leave. Years ago divorce was shameful, nowadays staying is.
An affair of course can wreck lives but it can also be the catalyst that changes lives. Usually it's not just the perpetrator that is at fault, (relationships are way more complex than that) & an affair signifies that a change is needed, it is possible that some good can come from it.
I don't expect the black & white brigade to understand what I am saying but I know there are others that can see the grey areas inbetween.
Staying means working to make it work.
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"Its quite comical staying in an unhappy relationship with the idea of making it work or working through your issues is a good thing it shows love and care and a want to change and I completely agree that it is rarely one side that breaks a relationship it is usually fault on both sides but if you want to work on your relationship go to counselling how much is a relationship benefitting from nailing someone else really Again its just people trying to justify the fact that they would rather fuck someone else than spend some time with their partner working in the issues " I wish we'd gone to counselling years ago, me and an ex, i just felt like 'us working on the relationship' was him acting like nothing had happened. We didn't make it in the end. That's the worst thing about an FLR, you feel like you've no support when anything goes wrong because you're partner has been happy to get you do everything, including the thinking. Bringing other people in probably would've helped. | |||
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"People cheat because they are cowards, there is rarely another reason. " completely agree! i know its not that easy or simple...but to me, it is that black and white. | |||
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"Its quite comical staying in an unhappy relationship with the idea of making it work or working through your issues is a good thing it shows love and care and a want to change and I completely agree that it is rarely one side that breaks a relationship it is usually fault on both sides but if you want to work on your relationship go to counselling how much is a relationship benefitting from nailing someone else really Again its just people trying to justify the fact that they would rather fuck someone else than spend some time with their partner working in the issues " You can use the reply & quote button if you're referring to me. I never justify anything I do to random strangers on the Internet I am merely offering a different point of view. That at the end of the day is how a forum debate works. | |||
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"I would be branded a 'cheater' but I am also in a very fulfilling and happy marriage. I understand the risks and mitigate for those and I have very specific reasons for being here which are my business alone. I am sure that I will be judged as that unfortunately seems to be the trend here but no one has walked in either mine or my husbands shoes so their attempts will be futile. I have spoken to some fascinating people here and I find that is the real joy of Fab and long may it continue..... " | |||
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"There is love. And there is sex. I can separate the two quite easily This. There are many reasons why a person might need to look elsewhere for the purely physical act of sex - as long as they are honest from the outset about being married (or in a relationship) it's not necessary in my opinion to divulge them. If a relationship is perfect aside from the sexual aspect, why would one leave? Mainly because the dramatic and devastating consequences of the actions. Being unfaithful damages a relationship and the other party often causing irrevocable damage. It breaks a persons heart and impacts their ability to trust. Knowing that unbearable pain, I'd say that's the reason to leave. I'd rather go through that pain again myself than put someone through that pain. " This happened in our relationship just after or first was born (She's nine now) H did the deed & immediately regretted it and told me on the same day, I kicked her out for some time to myself, we talked and we put it down to the PND she was suffering with. Still hurt like hell, Still gets raised on some of the very rare occasions we row but I do try not to bring it up. As the one that was hurt I have laid out a cast iron guarantee that if it happened again it would be the instant end to us, kids or no kids. I also class girl/girl as cheating but some we know do not..It was tough to begin with but we have now been together 15yrs & have a 4yr old too. We live with each other almost 24/7 as I work from home & she only 2 days a week. Yet we rarely row, rarely sit in silence & rarely go a day without "Making Out" (Such a quaint term) at least once a day...It can be overcome, it just depends whether your pride can take the hit at the end of the day as that's what it really boils down too. S xx | |||
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"I personally would never ever cheat if I was in love. And from personal experience if i ever felt the need to look for sex elsewhere without my partners knowledge I'd end it!! I' don't believe in staying because of kids!! Or circumstances !! I left my kids dad after 14 yrs and I left with my kids and my car,, and dignity gud for you. I left both my cheating ex husbands " yet you meet married men, so its ok for you but not for others, double standards!! | |||
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"My partner of 9 months and I had a joint and seperate profiles. I was led to believe we were committed so I hid my solo profile and only concentrated on the joint one. I found out Thursday he had been cheating on me and he's taken her to the VA this evening. As the OP says, it's devastating and has knocked me for six especially as I found out about the 4 others he'd been seeing and the fact that he'd not used a condom with any of us. It's one thing to cheat, but to also trick people into risking their sexual health is abusive to say the least. Thank you for sharing & I don't mean to rub salt in your wounds when I say the scenario you've described is just the worst type. You've given your trust & permission jointly to explore this lifestyle & he has still gone behind your back. I hope everything works out for you x" Thanks hun, yes unfortunately it's come to light that this is just what he does, but Fabs isn't such a big world, and some people are already wise to him. | |||
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"By the way we don't judge others on here if they are cheating, We judge them on lying on here about it & the women are just as bad as the men..We know who they are because they invariably disappear at the weekends to reappear like Jesus on a Monday morning and all while spouting lines like "I'm married but have my freedom" or "I'm oversexed so he let's me play"..So you have the freedom to FCK someone else but not go onsite at the weekend? rather odd really?? We have one Friend that openly says she is cheating but we think two others are likely candidates..Will that stop us seeing them? probably not, will the lying on here and not "manning up" about it? probably yes..." I can only do weekdays and people often think I am married but I am not, I am a carer for my disabled daughter and am looking after her at weekends. I guess a lot of females on here have kids home weekends too, hence reappearing on Mondays XXX | |||
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"My partner of 9 months and I had a joint and seperate profiles. I was led to believe we were committed so I hid my solo profile and only concentrated on the joint one. I found out Thursday he had been cheating on me and he's taken her to the VA this evening. As the OP says, it's devastating and has knocked me for six especially as I found out about the 4 others he'd been seeing and the fact that he'd not used a condom with any of us. It's one thing to cheat, but to also trick people into risking their sexual health is abusive to say the least. Get tested and I assume you've deleted the joint profile? I wonder if he understood that you hiding your single profile meant he had to too? Yes, I will get tested and he deleted our joint profile as soon as he was busted. He didn't want me to be able to contact his new joint profile through it and therefore expose him and the new lady to find out what he is like. With regards to me hiding my profile, he said I should, as otherwise I'm "advertising" myself...he didn't need to, so he said, because men get so few messages x " | |||
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"Its quite comical staying in an unhappy relationship with the idea of making it work or working through your issues is a good thing it shows love and care and a want to change and I completely agree that it is rarely one side that breaks a relationship it is usually fault on both sides but if you want to work on your relationship go to counselling how much is a relationship benefitting from nailing someone else really Again its just people trying to justify the fact that they would rather fuck someone else than spend some time with their partner working in the issues You can use the reply & quote button if you're referring to me. I never justify anything I do to random strangers on the Internet I am merely offering a different point of view. That at the end of the day is how a forum debate works. " Wasn't referring to just you but anyone who cheats I been cheated on by women who claimed they loved me and at the time it destroyed my world a relationship is about trust honesty love and respect if someone (not just you anyone) is sleeping with someone else behind your partners back you and your partner are simply not in love | |||
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"I am married and have been for a long time - I stayed initially for the kids because I saw so many marriages where the kids were young and the parents split up. This had a very negative impact on the kids and a lot of them went off the rails. My marriage is like two strangers living under one roof. We both do our own thing and I can't even remember the last time we went out together or did something together. I haven't felt loved for a long time and have spoken of leaving him several times since my kids have grown up but every time he tells me.he loves me and starts making me feel guilty for wanting to leave. Having said that I have now decided I am going to leave him as I have fulfilled my duties as a mum to an extent and our marriage breakup won't negatively impact my kids now. .....it is very difficult still as I know I will be judged by people and it will hurt my kids even now. " Let them judge you,you know the truth and if you are that unhappy then leave ,you cant live your life trying to make everyone else happy but yourself you have a life to. | |||
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"I am married and have been for a long time - I stayed initially for the kids because I saw so many marriages where the kids were young and the parents split up. This had a very negative impact on the kids and a lot of them went off the rails. My marriage is like two strangers living under one roof. We both do our own thing and I can't even remember the last time we went out together or did something together. I haven't felt loved for a long time and have spoken of leaving him several times since my kids have grown up but every time he tells me.he loves me and starts making me feel guilty for wanting to leave. Having said that I have now decided I am going to leave him as I have fulfilled my duties as a mum to an extent and our marriage breakup won't negatively impact my kids now. .....it is very difficult still as I know I will be judged by people and it will hurt my kids even now. Let them judge you,you know the truth and if you are that unhappy then leave ,you cant live your life trying to make everyone else happy but yourself you have a life to." Thank you- I have convinced myself mentally that I'm going to leave him and have told him as well - now one of my kids are giving me the guilt trip for breaking the family up as well. It's sometimes easy to judge ppl from the outside but only those that are in the situation truly know the difficulty...having said that I'm convinced I am leaving him ...just need to fill the papers and serve them | |||
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"I am married and have been for a long time - I stayed initially for the kids because I saw so many marriages where the kids were young and the parents split up. This had a very negative impact on the kids and a lot of them went off the rails. My marriage is like two strangers living under one roof. We both do our own thing and I can't even remember the last time we went out together or did something together. I haven't felt loved for a long time and have spoken of leaving him several times since my kids have grown up but every time he tells me.he loves me and starts making me feel guilty for wanting to leave. Having said that I have now decided I am going to leave him as I have fulfilled my duties as a mum to an extent and our marriage breakup won't negatively impact my kids now. .....it is very difficult still as I know I will be judged by people and it will hurt my kids even now. " Im at that point in life too. Fortunatly never married. Not an easy decision as i stayed for the kids. Theyve all left now. Have had a massive bumpy ride. Some of family completely went off at me but finally have come around. Its scary to think im going to be on my own in 4 weeks when house has gone but wont be in a loveless, hating, controlling relationship anymore. Do whats right for you. Put yourself first as it sounds as though you are like me and put everyone first. Good luck hun x | |||
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"I am married and have been for a long time - I stayed initially for the kids because I saw so many marriages where the kids were young and the parents split up. This had a very negative impact on the kids and a lot of them went off the rails. My marriage is like two strangers living under one roof. We both do our own thing and I can't even remember the last time we went out together or did something together. I haven't felt loved for a long time and have spoken of leaving him several times since my kids have grown up but every time he tells me.he loves me and starts making me feel guilty for wanting to leave. Having said that I have now decided I am going to leave him as I have fulfilled my duties as a mum to an extent and our marriage breakup won't negatively impact my kids now. .....it is very difficult still as I know I will be judged by people and it will hurt my kids even now. Let them judge you,you know the truth and if you are that unhappy then leave ,you cant live your life trying to make everyone else happy but yourself you have a life to. Thank you- I have convinced myself mentally that I'm going to leave him and have told him as well - now one of my kids are giving me the guilt trip for breaking the family up as well. It's sometimes easy to judge ppl from the outside but only those that are in the situation truly know the difficulty...having said that I'm convinced I am leaving him ...just need to fill the papers and serve them " No doubt you will feel guilty because you're going to end it but would you expect your children to stay? What advise would you give them? Life is too short to accept being unhappy and I'm sure you're ready for more. He will hate you but how long can you go in life putting yourself last? I hope it works out for you!! | |||
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"My mother and father were married for 60 years,their marriage was over nearly 40 years ago because he had an affair and another child by the other woman,but she stayed with him for the sake of her children,we had to enjure the arguments,he said she said,and it put me off wanting to get married,they slept in separate rooms for years,i wish she had left him years ago and had the chance to be happy,he passed away and not one tear did my mother cry,all she said was i hated him." Aw this is so sad  | |||
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"Ok. So I see a lot people on here who are playing away from home. Now there are presumably many reasons but what I don't get (both on here and offline world) is why stay. Some will say for children etc and I understand this can be a factor. Others are very young, only been going out a year or so. Why stay? If your relationship is not fulfilling then surely you deserve more? The other half deserves more. Everyone deserves to be loved completely and not only is this being taken away from yourself but it's being taken away from someone else. Time to share love is being robbed. Controversial I know and you might have guessed it, I'm anti cheat. I've been through the heartbreak and I can tell you, it devastates you and changes you. So that's my reason I don't and won't do it or play with any one in a relationship. But, I like to here people's opinions anyway. I met my husband at 14, married him at 20, two children, both now adults and I guess stuck in a rut. I couldn't afford to move out on my wages, not for somewhere decent anyway. Other reasons too but when I tell people them they don't understand Thank you. I may not agree with them but they're your reasons but I understand it in a small way. It's why I stayed with my ex for a short time. Thank you, it's nice to not be criticised. I forgot to add that we married in 1983, so not so easy to walk away from, not that it's really relevant I guess
I don't think anyone should really be criticised. It's your life to live how you want.
It just makes me wonder about the life that you're missing out on though. The freedom you're entitled to and should have to be who you are and with whom you want.
But if it works for you then it works.
I guess my thread was more aimed at the ones who have no responsibility to each other yet they still stay.... "I'm not sure I have a responsibility more that I'm considering the feelings of my family if I left. | |||
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"I am married and have been for a long time - I stayed initially for the kids because I saw so many marriages where the kids were young and the parents split up. This had a very negative impact on the kids and a lot of them went off the rails. My marriage is like two strangers living under one roof. We both do our own thing and I can't even remember the last time we went out together or did something together. I haven't felt loved for a long time and have spoken of leaving him several times since my kids have grown up but every time he tells me.he loves me and starts making me feel guilty for wanting to leave. Having said that I have now decided I am going to leave him as I have fulfilled my duties as a mum to an extent and our marriage breakup won't negatively impact my kids now. .....it is very difficult still as I know I will be judged by people and it will hurt my kids even now. Let them judge you,you know the truth and if you are that unhappy then leave ,you cant live your life trying to make everyone else happy but yourself you have a life to. Thank you- I have convinced myself mentally that I'm going to leave him and have told him as well - now one of my kids are giving me the guilt trip for breaking the family up as well. It's sometimes easy to judge ppl from the outside but only those that are in the situation truly know the difficulty...having said that I'm convinced I am leaving him ...just need to fill the papers and serve them No doubt you will feel guilty because you're going to end it but would you expect your children to stay? What advise would you give them? Life is too short to accept being unhappy and I'm sure you're ready for more. He will hate you but how long can you go in life putting yourself last? I hope it works out for you!! " My kids are my life and I have told them I don't want to have arranged marriages for them like I did but want them to find someone that makes them happy and they fall in love with. Pamela - I totally get what you are saying as sometimes my younger kids say we don't like hearing you argue. That makes me realise that although I have stayed because of my kids maybe it's not all been the best situation for them. Hopefully one day I am with someone that shows me love and makes me smile | |||
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M | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"I am married and have been for a long time - I stayed initially for the kids because I saw so many marriages where the kids were young and the parents split up. This had a very negative impact on the kids and a lot of them went off the rails. My marriage is like two strangers living under one roof. We both do our own thing and I can't even remember the last time we went out together or did something together. I haven't felt loved for a long time and have spoken of leaving him several times since my kids have grown up but every time he tells me.he loves me and starts making me feel guilty for wanting to leave. Having said that I have now decided I am going to leave him as I have fulfilled my duties as a mum to an extent and our marriage breakup won't negatively impact my kids now. .....it is very difficult still as I know I will be judged by people and it will hurt my kids even now. Let them judge you,you know the truth and if you are that unhappy then leave ,you cant live your life trying to make everyone else happy but yourself you have a life to. Thank you- I have convinced myself mentally that I'm going to leave him and have told him as well - now one of my kids are giving me the guilt trip for breaking the family up as well. It's sometimes easy to judge ppl from the outside but only those that are in the situation truly know the difficulty...having said that I'm convinced I am leaving him ...just need to fill the papers and serve them " Is this the guy you have your couple profile with? | |||
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Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"I am married and have been for a long time - I stayed initially for the kids because I saw so many marriages where the kids were young and the parents split up. This had a very negative impact on the kids and a lot of them went off the rails. My marriage is like two strangers living under one roof. We both do our own thing and I can't even remember the last time we went out together or did something together. I haven't felt loved for a long time and have spoken of leaving him several times since my kids have grown up but every time he tells me.he loves me and starts making me feel guilty for wanting to leave. Having said that I have now decided I am going to leave him as I have fulfilled my duties as a mum to an extent and our marriage breakup won't negatively impact my kids now. .....it is very difficult still as I know I will be judged by people and it will hurt my kids even now. Let them judge you,you know the truth and if you are that unhappy then leave ,you cant live your life trying to make everyone else happy but yourself you have a life to. Thank you- I have convinced myself mentally that I'm going to leave him and have told him as well - now one of my kids are giving me the guilt trip for breaking the family up as well. It's sometimes easy to judge ppl from the outside but only those that are in the situation truly know the difficulty...having said that I'm convinced I am leaving him ...just need to fill the papers and serve them Is this the guy you have your couple profile with?" If it is, there is a certain irony in the profile name | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"I am married and have been for a long time - I stayed initially for the kids because I saw so many marriages where the kids were young and the parents split up. This had a very negative impact on the kids and a lot of them went off the rails. My marriage is like two strangers living under one roof. We both do our own thing and I can't even remember the last time we went out together or did something together. I haven't felt loved for a long time and have spoken of leaving him several times since my kids have grown up but every time he tells me.he loves me and starts making me feel guilty for wanting to leave. Having said that I have now decided I am going to leave him as I have fulfilled my duties as a mum to an extent and our marriage breakup won't negatively impact my kids now. .....it is very difficult still as I know I will be judged by people and it will hurt my kids even now. Let them judge you,you know the truth and if you are that unhappy then leave ,you cant live your life trying to make everyone else happy but yourself you have a life to. Thank you- I have convinced myself mentally that I'm going to leave him and have told him as well - now one of my kids are giving me the guilt trip for breaking the family up as well. It's sometimes easy to judge ppl from the outside but only those that are in the situation truly know the difficulty...having said that I'm convinced I am leaving him ...just need to fill the papers and serve them Is this the guy you have your couple profile with? If it is, there is a certain irony in the profile name " That is our focus and direction | |||
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"I am married and have been for a long time - I stayed initially for the kids because I saw so many marriages where the kids were young and the parents split up. This had a very negative impact on the kids and a lot of them went off the rails. My marriage is like two strangers living under one roof. We both do our own thing and I can't even remember the last time we went out together or did something together. I haven't felt loved for a long time and have spoken of leaving him several times since my kids have grown up but every time he tells me.he loves me and starts making me feel guilty for wanting to leave. Having said that I have now decided I am going to leave him as I have fulfilled my duties as a mum to an extent and our marriage breakup won't negatively impact my kids now. .....it is very difficult still as I know I will be judged by people and it will hurt my kids even now. Let them judge you,you know the truth and if you are that unhappy then leave ,you cant live your life trying to make everyone else happy but yourself you have a life to. Thank you- I have convinced myself mentally that I'm going to leave him and have told him as well - now one of my kids are giving me the guilt trip for breaking the family up as well. It's sometimes easy to judge ppl from the outside but only those that are in the situation truly know the difficulty...having said that I'm convinced I am leaving him ...just need to fill the papers and serve them Is this the guy you have your couple profile with? If it is, there is a certain irony in the profile name That is our focus and direction " | |||
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"money was the main factor for me i stayed in a sexless unhappy marriage for 8 years i had three kids and a joint mortgage so if i left id have to save for a deposit while paying for the house i was in, if i left id have to pay rent on my new home as well as the mortgage on my home id moved out of and provide for three kids its not always that easy But you must have left on the end. What made you leave in the end? " Because everything comes to an end eventually I found out he had been seeing another women for two years So i left, i turned to escort work to top up my salary as i couldn't afford to run two homes on my salary while my name was taken off the mortgage Breaking up really isn't that easy but people say ...just leave... like it is | |||
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"I'd like to think you had already found that person x
M"I think you know the answer to that hun xx | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"I am married and have been for a long time - I stayed initially for the kids because I saw so many marriages where the kids were young and the parents split up. This had a very negative impact on the kids and a lot of them went off the rails. My marriage is like two strangers living under one roof. We both do our own thing and I can't even remember the last time we went out together or did something together. I haven't felt loved for a long time and have spoken of leaving him several times since my kids have grown up but every time he tells me.he loves me and starts making me feel guilty for wanting to leave. Having said that I have now decided I am going to leave him as I have fulfilled my duties as a mum to an extent and our marriage breakup won't negatively impact my kids now. .....it is very difficult still as I know I will be judged by people and it will hurt my kids even now. Let them judge you,you know the truth and if you are that unhappy then leave ,you cant live your life trying to make everyone else happy but yourself you have a life to. Thank you- I have convinced myself mentally that I'm going to leave him and have told him as well - now one of my kids are giving me the guilt trip for breaking the family up as well. It's sometimes easy to judge ppl from the outside but only those that are in the situation truly know the difficulty...having said that I'm convinced I am leaving him ...just need to fill the papers and serve them No doubt you will feel guilty because you're going to end it but would you expect your children to stay? What advise would you give them? Life is too short to accept being unhappy and I'm sure you're ready for more. He will hate you but how long can you go in life putting yourself last? I hope it works out for you!! My kids are my life and I have told them I don't want to have arranged marriages for them like I did but want them to find someone that makes them happy and they fall in love with. Pamela - I totally get what you are saying as sometimes my younger kids say we don't like hearing you argue. That makes me realise that although I have stayed because of my kids maybe it's not all been the best situation for them. Hopefully one day I am with someone that shows me love and makes me smile "If youre that unhappy do it before youre to old like my mum and i really wish you luck x | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"money was the main factor for me i stayed in a sexless unhappy marriage for 8 years i had three kids and a joint mortgage so if i left id have to save for a deposit while paying for the house i was in, if i left id have to pay rent on my new home as well as the mortgage on my home id moved out of and provide for three kids its not always that easy But you must have left on the end. What made you leave in the end? Because everything comes to an end eventually I found out he had been seeing another women for two years So i left, i turned to escort work to top up my salary as i couldn't afford to run two homes on my salary while my name was taken off the mortgage Breaking up really isn't that easy but people say ...just leave... like it is " Its not easy but neither is living with someone who makes you unhappy however you ve shown true grit and respect for that | |||
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"I am married and have been for a long time - I stayed initially for the kids because I saw so many marriages where the kids were young and the parents split up. This had a very negative impact on the kids and a lot of them went off the rails. My marriage is like two strangers living under one roof. We both do our own thing and I can't even remember the last time we went out together or did something together. I haven't felt loved for a long time and have spoken of leaving him several times since my kids have grown up but every time he tells me.he loves me and starts making me feel guilty for wanting to leave. Having said that I have now decided I am going to leave him as I have fulfilled my duties as a mum to an extent and our marriage breakup won't negatively impact my kids now. .....it is very difficult still as I know I will be judged by people and it will hurt my kids even now. Let them judge you,you know the truth and if you are that unhappy then leave ,you cant live your life trying to make everyone else happy but yourself you have a life to. Thank you- I have convinced myself mentally that I'm going to leave him and have told him as well - now one of my kids are giving me the guilt trip for breaking the family up as well. It's sometimes easy to judge ppl from the outside but only those that are in the situation truly know the difficulty...having said that I'm convinced I am leaving him ...just need to fill the papers and serve them No doubt you will feel guilty because you're going to end it but would you expect your children to stay? What advise would you give them? Life is too short to accept being unhappy and I'm sure you're ready for more. He will hate you but how long can you go in life putting yourself last? I hope it works out for you!! My kids are my life and I have told them I don't want to have arranged marriages for them like I did but want them to find someone that makes them happy and they fall in love with. Pamela - I totally get what you are saying as sometimes my younger kids say we don't like hearing you argue. That makes me realise that although I have stayed because of my kids maybe it's not all been the best situation for them. Hopefully one day I am with someone that shows me love and makes me smile If youre that unhappy do it before youre to old like my mum and i really wish you luck x"I am going to do it - I've actually told hubby I'm leaving him two weeks ago and now he's trying to be nice to me - however, as usual I know that's only a temporary fix and it isn't the real him - thank you | |||
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"money was the main factor for me i stayed in a sexless unhappy marriage for 8 years i had three kids and a joint mortgage so if i left id have to save for a deposit while paying for the house i was in, if i left id have to pay rent on my new home as well as the mortgage on my home id moved out of and provide for three kids its not always that easy But you must have left on the end. What made you leave in the end? Because everything comes to an end eventually I found out he had been seeing another women for two years So i left, i turned to escort work to top up my salary as i couldn't afford to run two homes on my salary while my name was taken off the mortgage Breaking up really isn't that easy but people say ...just leave... like it is " I don't think it's easy at all. You just have to want to do it more than accepting where you are. | |||
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"I am married and have been for a long time - I stayed initially for the kids because I saw so many marriages where the kids were young and the parents split up. This had a very negative impact on the kids and a lot of them went off the rails. My marriage is like two strangers living under one roof. We both do our own thing and I can't even remember the last time we went out together or did something together. I haven't felt loved for a long time and have spoken of leaving him several times since my kids have grown up but every time he tells me.he loves me and starts making me feel guilty for wanting to leave. Having said that I have now decided I am going to leave him as I have fulfilled my duties as a mum to an extent and our marriage breakup won't negatively impact my kids now. .....it is very difficult still as I know I will be judged by people and it will hurt my kids even now. Let them judge you,you know the truth and if you are that unhappy then leave ,you cant live your life trying to make everyone else happy but yourself you have a life to. Thank you- I have convinced myself mentally that I'm going to leave him and have told him as well - now one of my kids are giving me the guilt trip for breaking the family up as well. It's sometimes easy to judge ppl from the outside but only those that are in the situation truly know the difficulty...having said that I'm convinced I am leaving him ...just need to fill the papers and serve them No doubt you will feel guilty because you're going to end it but would you expect your children to stay? What advise would you give them? Life is too short to accept being unhappy and I'm sure you're ready for more. He will hate you but how long can you go in life putting yourself last? I hope it works out for you!! My kids are my life and I have told them I don't want to have arranged marriages for them like I did but want them to find someone that makes them happy and they fall in love with. Pamela - I totally get what you are saying as sometimes my younger kids say we don't like hearing you argue. That makes me realise that although I have stayed because of my kids maybe it's not all been the best situation for them. Hopefully one day I am with someone that shows me love and makes me smile If youre that unhappy do it before youre to old like my mum and i really wish you luck x
I am going to do it - I've actually told hubby I'm leaving him two weeks ago and now he's trying to be nice to me - however, as usual I know that's only a temporary fix and it isn't the real him - thank you "Oh they do be nice until they finally realise you mean it..,.mu ex had turned nasty | |||
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"money was the main factor for me i stayed in a sexless unhappy marriage for 8 years i had three kids and a joint mortgage so if i left id have to save for a deposit while paying for the house i was in, if i left id have to pay rent on my new home as well as the mortgage on my home id moved out of and provide for three kids its not always that easy But you must have left on the end. What made you leave in the end? Because everything comes to an end eventually I found out he had been seeing another women for two years So i left, i turned to escort work to top up my salary as i couldn't afford to run two homes on my salary while my name was taken off the mortgage Breaking up really isn't that easy but people say ...just leave... like it is I don't think it's easy at all. You just have to want to do it more than accepting where you are. " This is so true and to an extent you have to also believe in yourself and self worth ie. You deserve better | |||
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"What are you classing as cheating? The person who doesn't have extra marital sex but happily craves the company of others, the wooing, the sharing of confidences and the intimacy gets to hold their hands up and say, I haven't had sex with anyone else and doesn't (necessarily) get called a cheat. The sharing and flirting on the forum with people you know to be married, does that count as cheating? Sexually or emotionally. It's the same. There's is no difference. " | |||
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"money was the main factor for me i stayed in a sexless unhappy marriage for 8 years i had three kids and a joint mortgage so if i left id have to save for a deposit while paying for the house i was in, if i left id have to pay rent on my new home as well as the mortgage on my home id moved out of and provide for three kids its not always that easy But you must have left on the end. What made you leave in the end? Because everything comes to an end eventually I found out he had been seeing another women for two years So i left, i turned to escort work to top up my salary as i couldn't afford to run two homes on my salary while my name was taken off the mortgage Breaking up really isn't that easy but people say ...just leave... like it is I don't think it's easy at all. You just have to want to do it more than accepting where you are. This is so true and to an extent you have to also believe in yourself and self worth ie. You deserve better " When you have kids though it's not just about what's best for you Being a parent we put our own happiness down all the time for our kids When I was married I had a lovely home when I left him I moved into a shitty two bedroomed flat till I got on my feet, I hated myself for taking my kids out of our home and making them live in that run down flat, but it was all I could get short notice, the deposit on a nice place was more than I could afford so I took what I could while I got myself together and got us a nice place It's not always about your own self worth and what you deserve, my kids deserved better than where I made them live because I wanted to leave my ex, it wasn't their fault but I dragged them along with me and I regret that, looking back I should have stayed where I was till I saved up and could have moved into somewhere nice straight away but hindsight a good thing | |||
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"money was the main factor for me i stayed in a sexless unhappy marriage for 8 years i had three kids and a joint mortgage so if i left id have to save for a deposit while paying for the house i was in, if i left id have to pay rent on my new home as well as the mortgage on my home id moved out of and provide for three kids its not always that easy But you must have left on the end. What made you leave in the end? Because everything comes to an end eventually I found out he had been seeing another women for two years So i left, i turned to escort work to top up my salary as i couldn't afford to run two homes on my salary while my name was taken off the mortgage Breaking up really isn't that easy but people say ...just leave... like it is I don't think it's easy at all. You just have to want to do it more than accepting where you are. This is so true and to an extent you have to also believe in yourself and self worth ie. You deserve better When you have kids though it's not just about what's best for you Being a parent we put our own happiness down all the time for our kids When I was married I had a lovely home when I left him I moved into a shitty two bedroomed flat till I got on my feet, I hated myself for taking my kids out of our home and making them live in that run down flat, but it was all I could get short notice, the deposit on a nice place was more than I could afford so I took what I could while I got myself together and got us a nice place It's not always about your own self worth and what you deserve, my kids deserved better than where I made them live because I wanted to leave my ex, it wasn't their fault but I dragged them along with me and I regret that, looking back I should have stayed where I was till I saved up and could have moved into somewhere nice straight away but hindsight a good thing " Totally get that - I suppose I'm in a different position...everyone has their reasons and that's why I never judge people for their choices...well I try not to  | |||
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"This place is full of sanctimonious arse holes. It's also jam packed with cheating. Women, men, couples. All cheating. And I honestly don't care. Even some of the anti cheaters on this thread are cheating. Who are we to judge? But the golden rule on fab is this. Cheating woman = Sister doing it for herself. Cheating man = bastard should be ashamed. Solution. Don't meet cheaters if you don't want to. But why this constant abuse? You don't know their situation. It's none of your business. " We do get ppl judging us occasionally but that doesn't bother us as they don't know our situation and we aren't desperate BTW- we don't judge men or women - it's their choice | |||
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"money was the main factor for me i stayed in a sexless unhappy marriage for 8 years i had three kids and a joint mortgage so if i left id have to save for a deposit while paying for the house i was in, if i left id have to pay rent on my new home as well as the mortgage on my home id moved out of and provide for three kids its not always that easy " This is exactly the situation I find myself in at the moment everybody has a story to tell about how they ended up where they are, who are we to judge everybody is entitled to their opinion though and I welcome other people's view on the whole thing it nobody knows what goes on behind closed doors | |||
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"We are honest about our situation and anyone that has a problem with it doesn't need to meet us " | |||
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"This place is full of sanctimonious arse holes. It's also jam packed with cheating. Women, men, couples. All cheating. And I honestly don't care. Even some of the anti cheaters on this thread are cheating. Who are we to judge? But the golden rule on fab is this. Cheating woman = Sister doing it for herself. Cheating man = bastard should be ashamed. Solution. Don't meet cheaters if you don't want to. But why this constant abuse? You don't know their situation. It's none of your business. " No one has been abused. People have shared their opinions. We may not agree with it but in some instances we can appreciate why people believe they're doing the right thing. You my friend are an example of the tolerant being intolerant. Those anti cheating have shared their view. This pro have shared theirs. You're attacking us who don't agree with it because you feel you're on higher ground with the whole "don't meet cheaters" their business etc. It's their business but we can have an opinion. I don't like sanctimonious arseholes either....but you also sound like one. | |||
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"This place is full of sanctimonious arse holes. It's also jam packed with cheating. Women, men, couples. All cheating. And I honestly don't care. Even some of the anti cheaters on this thread are cheating. Who are we to judge? But the golden rule on fab is this. Cheating woman = Sister doing it for herself. Cheating man = bastard should be ashamed. Solution. Don't meet cheaters if you don't want to. But why this constant abuse? You don't know their situation. It's none of your business. No one has been abused. People have shared their opinions. We may not agree with it but in some instances we can appreciate why people believe they're doing the right thing. You my friend are an example of the tolerant being intolerant. Those anti cheating have shared their view. This pro have shared theirs. You're attacking us who don't agree with it because you feel you're on higher ground with the whole "don't meet cheaters" their business etc. It's their business but we can have an opinion. I don't like sanctimonious arseholes either....but you also sound like one. " You're probably right. But I see a lot of posts on this subject. Everyone knows it's happening. I don't know why people rattle it out again and again. | |||
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"This place is full of sanctimonious arse holes. It's also jam packed with cheating. Women, men, couples. All cheating. And I honestly don't care. Even some of the anti cheaters on this thread are cheating. Who are we to judge? But the golden rule on fab is this. Cheating woman = Sister doing it for herself. Cheating man = bastard should be ashamed. Solution. Don't meet cheaters if you don't want to. But why this constant abuse? You don't know their situation. It's none of your business. No one has been abused. People have shared their opinions. We may not agree with it but in some instances we can appreciate why people believe they're doing the right thing. You my friend are an example of the tolerant being intolerant. Those anti cheating have shared their view. This pro have shared theirs. You're attacking us who don't agree with it because you feel you're on higher ground with the whole "don't meet cheaters" their business etc. It's their business but we can have an opinion. I don't like sanctimonious arseholes either....but you also sound like one. You're probably right. But I see a lot of posts on this subject. Everyone knows it's happening. I don't know why people rattle it out again and again. " I haven't seen it and after numerous messages from married people I wanted to understand why people thought it was ok. Some have giving me a new appreciation and others have left me thinking that there are some people who just don't care about how they make others feel. There are two distinct groups. Those that are attempting to be selfless and putting themselves last. Those that are just bastards who have no regard for anyone but themselves. | |||
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"money was the main factor for me i stayed in a sexless unhappy marriage for 8 years i had three kids and a joint mortgage so if i left id have to save for a deposit while paying for the house i was in, if i left id have to pay rent on my new home as well as the mortgage on my home id moved out of and provide for three kids its not always that easy But you must have left on the end. What made you leave in the end? Because everything comes to an end eventually I found out he had been seeing another women for two years So i left, i turned to escort work to top up my salary as i couldn't afford to run two homes on my salary while my name was taken off the mortgage Breaking up really isn't that easy but people say ...just leave... like it is I don't think it's easy at all. You just have to want to do it more than accepting where you are. This is so true and to an extent you have to also believe in yourself and self worth ie. You deserve better " I have been married for 16 years with 2 kids, she has always been the stronger more dominant character in the relationship, some of the whole thing is about leaving is having the belief and confidence in yourself to see a life on your own, from a man's perspective it isn't always as easy to up sticks and leave with the responsibilities that 16 years of marriage brings, I am the main wage earner and if I leave my children will inevitably suffer financially with having to pay for 2 houses, why should my children not have the things they want because we couldn't make it work. The comment about being a coward is a little harsh when you have been mentally battered for 5 years you start to believe what the other person is actually telling you and the person you once were has gotten completely lost , leaving then isn't really an option cause your not even sure of yourself anymore. A good point that was made earlier in the thread was being more scared to leave than the the consequences of staying is true that is part of the reason I am still in my situation. | |||
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"money was the main factor for me i stayed in a sexless unhappy marriage for 8 years i had three kids and a joint mortgage so if i left id have to save for a deposit while paying for the house i was in, if i left id have to pay rent on my new home as well as the mortgage on my home id moved out of and provide for three kids its not always that easy But you must have left on the end. What made you leave in the end? Because everything comes to an end eventually I found out he had been seeing another women for two years So i left, i turned to escort work to top up my salary as i couldn't afford to run two homes on my salary while my name was taken off the mortgage Breaking up really isn't that easy but people say ...just leave... like it is I don't think it's easy at all. You just have to want to do it more than accepting where you are. This is so true and to an extent you have to also believe in yourself and self worth ie. You deserve better I have been married for 16 years with 2 kids, she has always been the stronger more dominant character in the relationship, some of the whole thing is about leaving is having the belief and confidence in yourself to see a life on your own, from a man's perspective it isn't always as easy to up sticks and leave with the responsibilities that 16 years of marriage brings, I am the main wage earner and if I leave my children will inevitably suffer financially with having to pay for 2 houses, why should my children not have the things they want because we couldn't make it work. The comment about being a coward is a little harsh when you have been mentally battered for 5 years you start to believe what the other person is actually telling you and the person you once were has gotten completely lost , leaving then isn't really an option cause your not even sure of yourself anymore. A good point that was made earlier in the thread was being more scared to leave than the the consequences of staying is true that is part of the reason I am still in my situation. " What advice would you give your children? | |||
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"money was the main factor for me i stayed in a sexless unhappy marriage for 8 years i had three kids and a joint mortgage so if i left id have to save for a deposit while paying for the house i was in, if i left id have to pay rent on my new home as well as the mortgage on my home id moved out of and provide for three kids its not always that easy But you must have left on the end. What made you leave in the end? Because everything comes to an end eventually I found out he had been seeing another women for two years So i left, i turned to escort work to top up my salary as i couldn't afford to run two homes on my salary while my name was taken off the mortgage Breaking up really isn't that easy but people say ...just leave... like it is I don't think it's easy at all. You just have to want to do it more than accepting where you are. This is so true and to an extent you have to also believe in yourself and self worth ie. You deserve better I have been married for 16 years with 2 kids, she has always been the stronger more dominant character in the relationship, some of the whole thing is about leaving is having the belief and confidence in yourself to see a life on your own, from a man's perspective it isn't always as easy to up sticks and leave with the responsibilities that 16 years of marriage brings, I am the main wage earner and if I leave my children will inevitably suffer financially with having to pay for 2 houses, why should my children not have the things they want because we couldn't make it work. The comment about being a coward is a little harsh when you have been mentally battered for 5 years you start to believe what the other person is actually telling you and the person you once were has gotten completely lost , leaving then isn't really an option cause your not even sure of yourself anymore. A good point that was made earlier in the thread was being more scared to leave than the the consequences of staying is true that is part of the reason I am still in my situation. " Look up domestic violence services and talk to someone. x | |||
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"This place is full of sanctimonious arse holes. It's also jam packed with cheating. Women, men, couples. All cheating. And I honestly don't care. Even some of the anti cheaters on this thread are cheating. Who are we to judge? But the golden rule on fab is this. Cheating woman = Sister doing it for herself. Cheating man = bastard should be ashamed. Solution. Don't meet cheaters if you don't want to. But why this constant abuse? You don't know their situation. It's none of your business. No one has been abused. People have shared their opinions. We may not agree with it but in some instances we can appreciate why people believe they're doing the right thing. You my friend are an example of the tolerant being intolerant. Those anti cheating have shared their view. This pro have shared theirs. You're attacking us who don't agree with it because you feel you're on higher ground with the whole "don't meet cheaters" their business etc. It's their business but we can have an opinion. I don't like sanctimonious arseholes either....but you also sound like one. You're probably right. But I see a lot of posts on this subject. Everyone knows it's happening. I don't know why people rattle it out again and again. I haven't seen it and after numerous messages from married people I wanted to understand why people thought it was ok. Some have giving me a new appreciation and others have left me thinking that there are some people who just don't care about how they make others feel. There are two distinct groups. Those that are attempting to be selfless and putting themselves last. Those that are just bastards who have no regard for anyone but themselves. " I don't see it as being that black and white. It is totally possible to love one person but have sex with others. There's many reasons why someone might choose that path. Disability is one reason. Perhaps some might feel that physical release with people outside of their relationship is a better option than having an affair. Also. I think there's far more to a relationship than sex. So leaving a partner due to a lack of it, might seem unnecessary. | |||
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"money was the main factor for me i stayed in a sexless unhappy marriage for 8 years i had three kids and a joint mortgage so if i left id have to save for a deposit while paying for the house i was in, if i left id have to pay rent on my new home as well as the mortgage on my home id moved out of and provide for three kids its not always that easy But you must have left on the end. What made you leave in the end? Because everything comes to an end eventually I found out he had been seeing another women for two years So i left, i turned to escort work to top up my salary as i couldn't afford to run two homes on my salary while my name was taken off the mortgage Breaking up really isn't that easy but people say ...just leave... like it is I don't think it's easy at all. You just have to want to do it more than accepting where you are. This is so true and to an extent you have to also believe in yourself and self worth ie. You deserve better I have been married for 16 years with 2 kids, she has always been the stronger more dominant character in the relationship, some of the whole thing is about leaving is having the belief and confidence in yourself to see a life on your own, from a man's perspective it isn't always as easy to up sticks and leave with the responsibilities that 16 years of marriage brings, I am the main wage earner and if I leave my children will inevitably suffer financially with having to pay for 2 houses, why should my children not have the things they want because we couldn't make it work. The comment about being a coward is a little harsh when you have been mentally battered for 5 years you start to believe what the other person is actually telling you and the person you once were has gotten completely lost , leaving then isn't really an option cause your not even sure of yourself anymore. A good point that was made earlier in the thread was being more scared to leave than the the consequences of staying is true that is part of the reason I am still in my situation. What advice would you give your children? " That is a good point, and I think you know the answer but I intend to always be there for my children, unfortunately I have not been so lucky in the parent department. I know that I have not covered myself in glory with my responses but I have just tried to offer a different perspective, I'm not saying that I am the victim or playing the martyr and there are always two sides to every marriage break down and both of us are guilty for where we have ended up | |||
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"This place is full of sanctimonious arse holes. It's also jam packed with cheating. Women, men, couples. All cheating. And I honestly don't care. Even some of the anti cheaters on this thread are cheating. Who are we to judge? But the golden rule on fab is this. Cheating woman = Sister doing it for herself. Cheating man = bastard should be ashamed. Solution. Don't meet cheaters if you don't want to. But why this constant abuse? You don't know their situation. It's none of your business. No one has been abused. People have shared their opinions. We may not agree with it but in some instances we can appreciate why people believe they're doing the right thing. You my friend are an example of the tolerant being intolerant. Those anti cheating have shared their view. This pro have shared theirs. You're attacking us who don't agree with it because you feel you're on higher ground with the whole "don't meet cheaters" their business etc. It's their business but we can have an opinion. I don't like sanctimonious arseholes either....but you also sound like one. You're probably right. But I see a lot of posts on this subject. Everyone knows it's happening. I don't know why people rattle it out again and again. I haven't seen it and after numerous messages from married people I wanted to understand why people thought it was ok. Some have giving me a new appreciation and others have left me thinking that there are some people who just don't care about how they make others feel. There are two distinct groups. Those that are attempting to be selfless and putting themselves last. Those that are just bastards who have no regard for anyone but themselves. " I don't think it's possible to pigeon hole people / people's relationships into 2 groups, that's a very black / white view & life is usually anything but that. | |||
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"I stayed for 18yrs, having now been free for over 13yrs I can honestly say I should have thrown the towel in earlier. It damages you and your children. K x" Looking back I'd have done a lot different I too now feel I should have left earlier but at the time I stayed for my kids and I felt at the time I was doing the right thing I left him 9 years ago now and I swore I'd never have another relationship as I'd never put myself in that situation again We learn by our mistakes took me to go through that to realise I'm better off alone
We can't change the past though we can only move forward | |||
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"I stayed for 18yrs, having now been free for over 13yrs I can honestly say I should have thrown the towel in earlier. It damages you and your children. K x Looking back I'd have done a lot different I too now feel I should have left earlier but at the time I stayed for my kids and I felt at the time I was doing the right thing I left him 9 years ago now and I swore I'd never have another relationship as I'd never put myself in that situation again We learn by our mistakes took me to go through that to realise I'm better off alone
We can't change the past though we can only move forward "I'm same as you. Relationship for 19yrs. Just got out as kids left home now. I stayed for kids but wish id done it sooner. Im saying same, be better off on my own | |||
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"money was the main factor for me i stayed in a sexless unhappy marriage for 8 years i had three kids and a joint mortgage so if i left id have to save for a deposit while paying for the house i was in, if i left id have to pay rent on my new home as well as the mortgage on my home id moved out of and provide for three kids its not always that easy But you must have left on the end. What made you leave in the end? Because everything comes to an end eventually I found out he had been seeing another women for two years So i left, i turned to escort work to top up my salary as i couldn't afford to run two homes on my salary while my name was taken off the mortgage Breaking up really isn't that easy but people say ...just leave... like it is I don't think it's easy at all. You just have to want to do it more than accepting where you are. This is so true and to an extent you have to also believe in yourself and self worth ie. You deserve better I have been married for 16 years with 2 kids, she has always been the stronger more dominant character in the relationship, some of the whole thing is about leaving is having the belief and confidence in yourself to see a life on your own, from a man's perspective it isn't always as easy to up sticks and leave with the responsibilities that 16 years of marriage brings, I am the main wage earner and if I leave my children will inevitably suffer financially with having to pay for 2 houses, why should my children not have the things they want because we couldn't make it work. The comment about being a coward is a little harsh when you have been mentally battered for 5 years you start to believe what the other person is actually telling you and the person you once were has gotten completely lost , leaving then isn't really an option cause your not even sure of yourself anymore. A good point that was made earlier in the thread was being more scared to leave than the the consequences of staying is true that is part of the reason I am still in my situation. " Look up Mankind. They have a helpline you can call when you need some support. | |||
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"Life isn't always black and white" | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"I stayed for 18yrs, having now been free for over 13yrs I can honestly say I should have thrown the towel in earlier. It damages you and your children. K x Looking back I'd have done a lot different I too now feel I should have left earlier but at the time I stayed for my kids and I felt at the time I was doing the right thing I left him 9 years ago now and I swore I'd never have another relationship as I'd never put myself in that situation again We learn by our mistakes took me to go through that to realise I'm better off alone
We can't change the past though we can only move forward
I'm same as you. Relationship for 19yrs. Just got out as kids left home now. I stayed for kids but wish id done it sooner.
Im saying same, be better off on my own"Until you heal...then who knows. It can take a long time. There are good men or women out there. My fwb on here is a good man, 11yrs without sex or any cuddling for me until I met him. Who knows one day I may be open enough for more. Until then I enjoy life xx | |||
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"A couple of guys have told me that they love their wife very much, they just need more sex. I don't do married men who are playing without permission, but I like the fact they can separate sex from emotion for their marriage. " If they loved their wife so much then they wouldn't want to hurt her. They'd do everything in their power to make her safe, happy and adored. Sex outside of the marriage does not do any of the above. I don't believe men who say this. | |||
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"A couple of guys have told me that they love their wife very much, they just need more sex. I don't do married men who are playing without permission, but I like the fact they can separate sex from emotion for their marriage. " "I love my wife so much I'm going to bang other people". It must be true love then... | |||
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"This place is full of sanctimonious arse holes. It's also jam packed with cheating. Women, men, couples. All cheating. And I honestly don't care. Even some of the anti cheaters on this thread are cheating. Who are we to judge? But the golden rule on fab is this. Cheating woman = Sister doing it for herself. Cheating man = bastard should be ashamed. Solution. Don't meet cheaters if you don't want to. But why this constant abuse? You don't know their situation. It's none of your business. No one has been abused. People have shared their opinions. We may not agree with it but in some instances we can appreciate why people believe they're doing the right thing. You my friend are an example of the tolerant being intolerant. Those anti cheating have shared their view. This pro have shared theirs. You're attacking us who don't agree with it because you feel you're on higher ground with the whole "don't meet cheaters" their business etc. It's their business but we can have an opinion. I don't like sanctimonious arseholes either....but you also sound like one. You're probably right. But I see a lot of posts on this subject. Everyone knows it's happening. I don't know why people rattle it out again and again. I haven't seen it and after numerous messages from married people I wanted to understand why people thought it was ok. Some have giving me a new appreciation and others have left me thinking that there are some people who just don't care about how they make others feel. There are two distinct groups. Those that are attempting to be selfless and putting themselves last. Those that are just bastards who have no regard for anyone but themselves. I don't think it's possible to pigeon hole people / people's relationships into 2 groups, that's a very black / white view & life is usually anything but that. " It's very black and white to me. You cheat or you don't. People have their reasons and they're there's but it doesn't negate the vows people take or the promises made. I get the sense that you may have or are stepping out of your relationship or past relationships. It's entirely up to you but I guess I'm in the "you're not happy leave" camp. Not just because I don't like cheating and it's been done to me but because I think people deserve to live life to the fullest. But in my opinion and reading this thread. People either have some reason or they just don't care about their "loved" ones feelings. | |||
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"money was the main factor for me i stayed in a sexless unhappy marriage for 8 years i had three kids and a joint mortgage so if i left id have to save for a deposit while paying for the house i was in, if i left id have to pay rent on my new home as well as the mortgage on my home id moved out of and provide for three kids its not always that easy But you must have left on the end. What made you leave in the end? Because everything comes to an end eventually I found out he had been seeing another women for two years So i left, i turned to escort work to top up my salary as i couldn't afford to run two homes on my salary while my name was taken off the mortgage Breaking up really isn't that easy but people say ...just leave... like it is I don't think it's easy at all. You just have to want to do it more than accepting where you are. This is so true and to an extent you have to also believe in yourself and self worth ie. You deserve better I have been married for 16 years with 2 kids, she has always been the stronger more dominant character in the relationship, some of the whole thing is about leaving is having the belief and confidence in yourself to see a life on your own, from a man's perspective it isn't always as easy to up sticks and leave with the responsibilities that 16 years of marriage brings, I am the main wage earner and if I leave my children will inevitably suffer financially with having to pay for 2 houses, why should my children not have the things they want because we couldn't make it work. The comment about being a coward is a little harsh when you have been mentally battered for 5 years you start to believe what the other person is actually telling you and the person you once were has gotten completely lost , leaving then isn't really an option cause your not even sure of yourself anymore. A good point that was made earlier in the thread was being more scared to leave than the the consequences of staying is true that is part of the reason I am still in my situation. What advice would you give your children? That is a good point, and I think you know the answer but I intend to always be there for my children, unfortunately I have not been so lucky in the parent department. I know that I have not covered myself in glory with my responses but I have just tried to offer a different perspective, I'm not saying that I am the victim or playing the martyr and there are always two sides to every marriage break down and both of us are guilty for where we have ended up " I was trying to stress the point that you'd tell your children to do what ever makes them happy. | |||
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