FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Are we ruined?

Are we ruined?

By *ubbykitten OP Woman over a year ago

Kent

I have found that since I first discovered this scene, I have become a lot more cynical about relationships in general. This comes from having seen such a large number of people in relationships /married who claim to be happy but wanting more /something different, and will therefore happily cheat.

It has made me question previous relationships and whether the men I was with, really ever were faithful to me at the time. Especially during periods when the relationships went through through a bad stage.

I now cannot help but be suspicious of any man I date in vanilla world. ..

Is it the case that in the reality, everyone cheats eventueally? Or are there some guys who really are faithful?

Has being on this scene ruined my trusting outlook? Was I perhaps naive in the past?

I should make it clear that I have never had a relationship with a swinger.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I think anyone can be faithful if really happy.

I know that if I find the one, I would have eyes only for her.

Yet not sure if love can last as hollywood protrays it...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I feel exactly the same OP which is why I've now been single for 6 years

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Maybe try dating a swinger.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I've always been cynical about relationships.

I've actually become less so since being here. I find that, in the main, people are a lot more honest and open.

My very well tuned bullshit detector helps.

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By *entaur_UKMan over a year ago

Cannock

"Maybe try dating a swinger."

I think that's what I'd prefer to do now if the right girl came along.

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By *ubbykitten OP Woman over a year ago

Kent

"Maybe try dating a swinger."

Not quite sure how that would help! !!

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By *randMrs Spanish BrunetteCouple over a year ago

home sweet home

Maybe it's different for us being a couple swinging.

We believe in true love. He's my best friend and best lover. We have best time together no matter what we doing. He's the person I want to be with for the rest of my life and he's the same.

We just enjoy having sex with other people . It's that simple

MrsSB

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By *ubbykitten OP Woman over a year ago

Kent

If I met the right guy then I would not want to swing. I am not a true swinger in that sense so a relationship with a swinger would not work for me as I couldn't cope with him being with other women.

While I am single then I can do what I like with who I like but in a committed relationship I would be totally different.

I am by nature a monogamous woman. This is something I do if I am single.

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

I find the attitude of some people toward their unknowing partner a bit disrespectful and it does make me glad that I'm past the hurly burly of the chaise longue. I have said to Mr N that if (God forbid) I found myself single I wouldn't bother looking for another relationship

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By *ubbykitten OP Woman over a year ago

Kent

"Maybe it's different for us being a couple swinging.

We believe in true love. He's my best friend and best lover. We have best time together no matter what we doing. He's the person I want to be with for the rest of my life and he's the same.

We just enjoy having sex with other people . It's that simple

MrsSB

Thats great if it works for you but as I say, I am not a true swinger in that sense so sex with others whilst in a relationship is not for me.

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By *ubbykitten OP Woman over a year ago

Kent

"I've always been cynical about relationships.

I've actually become less so since being here. I find that, in the main, people are a lot more honest and open.

My very well tuned bullshit detector helps. "

I agree. Problem is...ons sooooo highly tuned that I can't trust any of them!!!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 22/07/16 15:49:30]

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By *verage JosephMan over a year ago

Grays & London

I think you will always have faithful & unfaithful people in this world.... But it impossible to know what time of person they will be unless you fast forward to the future.

So kick back enjoy life & what will be will be.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Maybe it's different for us being a couple swinging.

We believe in true love. He's my best friend and best lover. We have best time together no matter what we doing. He's the person I want to be with for the rest of my life and he's the same.

We just enjoy having sex with other people . It's that simple

MrsSB

I like this

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

"Maybe it's different for us being a couple swinging.

We believe in true love. He's my best friend and best lover. We have best time together no matter what we doing. He's the person I want to be with for the rest of my life and he's the same.

We just enjoy having sex with other people . It's that simple

MrsSB

Thats great if it works for you but as I say, I am not a true swinger in that sense so sex with others whilst in a relationship is not for me. "

Fab's only a small section of society and its still the norm to expect monogamy, most people committing to long term assume that they will only be having sex with that person. An honest discussion at the outset isn't a guarantee of fidelity but it will make the or her person aware of how you feel

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By *etter the devil you knowWoman over a year ago

Lyndhurst

Not just being on here as i have always more or less expected men to cheat on their partners if they had the chance to.

I met a man on here who said he never cheated on his first wife but then she left him anyway then another man who said he wouldnt cheat on his wife because it was wrong only he was now because she was going out all the time without him and meeting other men.

Some men are too shy to have sex with other women and some arent that bothered about sex, or some are feeling bad because their partners dont make them feel wanted so they are glad when they get some attention.

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By *ire_bladeMan over a year ago

Manchester

It's far from just men that cheat but I get your point and find myself with very much the same feeling. Seems it's just a game but heyho least I know it now.

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By *risky_MareWoman over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

I never cheated on anyone and no-one ever cheated on me. We forget what normal is for a great many people.

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By *ubbykitten OP Woman over a year ago

Kent

"Maybe it's different for us being a couple swinging.

We believe in true love. He's my best friend and best lover. We have best time together no matter what we doing. He's the person I want to be with for the rest of my life and he's the same.

We just enjoy having sex with other people . It's that simple

MrsSB

Thats great if it works for you but as I say, I am not a true swinger in that sense so sex with others whilst in a relationship is not for me.

Oh yes I do have those conversations but secretly I guess I am doubtful because of what I have seen on this scene. I know that cheating on partners is not the exclusive domain of the swinging world and night even be less common compared with 'vanilla land' but I guess it has opened my eyes and made me far more dubious.

Shame really.

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By *ubbykitten OP Woman over a year ago

Kent

"I never cheated on anyone and no-one ever cheated on me. We forget what normal is for a great many people.

I agree! I think that is the problem. That's why I take breaks every so often and go on 'normal ' dates to remind me! Lol

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

men are genetically hard wired to cheat, a propagation of the bloodline and having the largest clan provided security and stability... don't get me wrong I certainly believe that a man in these modern times can be faithful, millions are, but it is something akin to the fight or flight reaction to threatening situations... the subconscious mind takes over (in a threatening situation. Not in a temptation situation) but the information needed is stored in the darker recess of our minds, sometimes this leaks - a good example would be a ' cougar ' (not sure what the male version is) but for both genders a younger member of the opposite sex is 'mostly' very attractive, is this purely sexual, on the surface yes but when examined it has stronger roots, a young male will have healthier sperm and sub consciously a female knows this, a young female will have a greater chance of bearing children and sub consciously and male knows this also, when it boils down to it it is about survivability and procreation and these lessons were hard learnt many millennia ago.

The above I agree with to some extent but not entirely, it was a summary (in my words) of a documentary I watched ages ago, I forget the name but it was interesting.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

My 30 yr relationship with my cheating,abusive husband has put me off of relationships. I neither have the physical nor mental energy to keep one going now. Could I trust someone again? Probably not and that wouldn't be fair on him.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I think dating made me cynical and somewhat jaded.

Fab has shown me that people can be honest about what they want and I've met some people socially at clubs (couples) who seem to have incredibly strong relationships.

So it's probably put me off dating....

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I think anyone can be faithful if really happy.

I know that if I find the one, I would have eyes only for her.

Yet not sure if love can last as hollywood protrays it... "

I don't. I believe there is sufficient scientific evidence that the majority of humans are not monogamous by nature. You could override nature, with effort, but that's hardly fun.

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By *isaB45Woman over a year ago

Fabville

The swinging scene attracts people from all walks of life, and with a variety of personal circumstances.

Some people here will be in relationships, without their partner's knowledge.

Let us not judge one another. We all have our personal preferences, such as who we find attractive, or what we enjoy doing.

So if you don't like the idea of playing with us marrieds etc. perhaps look for someone else, and let's all respect eachother's personal choice. xx

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By *eMontresMan over a year ago

Halesowen

It's not cheating if people are open and honest with each other.

Since my divorce, I've been perfectly open with my girlfriends (not on the first date though :D ).

I only want one girlfriend, but I fancy other women and want to have recreational sex with them.

I was faithful during the marriage apart from a couple of blowjobs I paid for as I couldn't get one at home.

Since then though, I've always been open about what turns me on and if it's not forthcoming, it's not a relationship show stopper, just that I'll get it elsewhere.

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By *ubbykitten OP Woman over a year ago

Kent

"The swinging scene attracts people from all walks of life, and with a variety of personal circumstances.

Some people here will be in relationships, without their partner's knowledge.

Let us not judge one another. We all have our personal preferences, such as who we find attractive, or what we enjoy doing.

So if you don't like the idea of playing with us marrieds etc. perhaps look for someone else, and let's all respect eachother's personal choice. xx

I wasn't judging anyone! Lol!!! You appear to have completely misunderstood the thread!

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By *ubbykitten OP Woman over a year ago

Kent

Can we get back to my original post?

I am fully aware of the importance of communication etc. This isn't about judging what others do.

I had merely asked people's opinions on the effect it has on those of us who are single and been on this scene a while, whether it has tainted our view of relationships and trust, faithfulness etc..

By faithful I mean firstly, complete honesty. Obviously you aren't cheating if you both know and consent. Goes without saying as it is your lifestyle choice.

But I do feel it has gone some way to affecting my trust in relationships in general.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"If I met the right guy then I would not want to swing. I am not a true swinger in that sense so a relationship with a swinger would not work for me as I couldn't cope with him being with other women.

While I am single then I can do what I like with who I like but in a committed relationship I would be totally different.

I am by nature a monogamous woman. This is something I do if I am single. "

I am not having a dig at you, but when a man expressed the same sentments in a thread he was slated as a bad swinger. Who treated women who swing as sluts but settles for the 'nice woman'.

I suppose your sentiment is the difference between some swinging singles and couples.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

While I am single then I can do what I like with who I like but in a committed relationship I would be totally different.

I am by nature a monogamous woman. This is something I do if I am single. "

It's the same for me. I'm essentially a one man woman.

This site, and another site I was on before this, have made me that bit more cynical when it comes to relationships. Mind you, dating sites are just the same - the men on there want the same thing as those on here, they're just not so honest about it.

I think I've actually given up on romance.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

While I am single then I can do what I like with who I like but in a committed relationship I would be totally different.

I am by nature a monogamous woman. This is something I do if I am single.

I am not having a dig at you, but when a man expressed the same sentments in a thread he was slated as a bad swinger. Who treated women who swing as sluts but settles for the 'nice woman'.

I suppose your sentiment is the difference between some swinging singles and couples."

That isn't what was said. He said he wouldn't want a woman who is a swinger as a gf. A boyfriend could have had hundreds of partners previously but be wanted for a monogamous relationship.

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By *ubbykitten OP Woman over a year ago

Kent

While I am single then I can do what I like with who I like but in a committed relationship I would be totally different.

I am by nature a monogamous woman. This is something I do if I am single.

I am not having a dig at you, but when a man expressed the same sentments in a thread he was slated as a bad swinger. Who treated women who swing as sluts but settles for the 'nice woman'.

I suppose your sentiment is the difference between some swinging singles and couples."

Sorry????????

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I like the idea of a monogamous relationship,I thought I had one for many years. That doesn't mean I look at the men on here as sluts and not worthy,but I wouldn't trust them to be happy with monogamy after having the freedom to have sex with whomsoever they wish.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

While I am single then I can do what I like with who I like but in a committed relationship I would be totally different.

I am by nature a monogamous woman. This is something I do if I am single.

I am not having a dig at you, but when a man expressed the same sentments in a thread he was slated as a bad swinger. Who treated women who swing as sluts but settles for the 'nice woman'.

I suppose your sentiment is the difference between some swinging singles and couples.

Sorry???????? "

I think he's misunderstood your sentiments because of something a man said on here recently.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I have found that since I first discovered this scene, I have become a lot more cynical about relationships in general. This comes from having seen such a large number of people in relationships /married who claim to be happy but wanting more /something different, and will therefore happily cheat.

I now cannot help but be suspicious of any man I date in vanilla world. ..

Is it the case that in the reality, everyone cheats eventueally? Or are there some guys who really are faithful?

Has being on this scene ruined my trusting outlook? Was I perhaps naive in the past?

I should make it clear that I have never had a relationship with a swinger. "

This is exactly where I am.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I think you will always have faithful & unfaithful people in this world.... But it impossible to know what time of person they will be unless you fast forward to the future.

So kick back enjoy life & what will be will be."

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By *ubbykitten OP Woman over a year ago

Kent

"I like the idea of a monogamous relationship,I thought I had one for many years. That doesn't mean I look at the men on here as sluts and not worthy,but I wouldn't trust them to be happy with monogamy after having the freedom to have sex with whomsoever they wish. "

I agree. I look at as this: Once you have had a taste of the 'pick N mix', maybe the idea of going back to 'boiled sweets' only. .. isn't so appealing? ? Lol!!

OK maybe that wasn't a good analogy! !! I guess I mean.... far from being ruined (as per the title of my thread), maybe they are spoilt and it's too late to go back?

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By *risky_MareWoman over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"I think anyone can be faithful if really happy.

I know that if I find the one, I would have eyes only for her.

Yet not sure if love can last as hollywood protrays it...

I don't. I believe there is sufficient scientific evidence that the majority of humans are not monogamous by nature. You could override nature, with effort, but that's hardly fun. "

I am monogamous by nature, it is much, much easier for me

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By *ophieslutTV/TS over a year ago

Central

Knowledge is power. That's both knowledge about what it is that you want and the wider world, including people.

It's tough sometimes, making sense of the world. We're all so different that it's hard to generalise. But, if you're aware that couples sometimes go through periods where they're not communicating honestly, it helps focus our minds on the importance of honesty and really good communication.

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By *ubbykitten OP Woman over a year ago

Kent

"I think anyone can be faithful if really happy.

I know that if I find the one, I would have eyes only for her.

Yet not sure if love can last as hollywood protrays it...

I don't. I believe there is sufficient scientific evidence that the majority of humans are not monogamous by nature. You could override nature, with effort, but that's hardly fun.

I am monogamous by nature, it is much, much easier for me

Actually ...me too. If I meet the right man then I am genuinely not interested in others. Truth!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

i've been ruined by my relationships.

ok, not all relationships last, and i know they change over time. but to disrespect me when i have trusted you is so fucking low and fucks up your whole outlook on everyone.

this basically sums it up for me (and yes i got it off facebook, my facebook is pretty awesome though):

If you genuinely love someone, you respect them, for starters. You also emotionally support them, give them a high-five when they do something great, care for them when they’re sick in bed with the flu, stand by them when things get scary, hold their hand when they need you, and look toward to the future together as a partnership. That’s what love is.

So when you cheat on your spouse, you’re cheating on all of that. You’re betraying every single one of those components and essentially making a mockery of what you once dared to call love.

If you cheat, what you’ve really done is said, “I don’t love you. I never loved you. I never respected you. I never cared for you. All of this was a lie.”

And that’s fine. If you want to erase your past, admitting it was a lie — which is exactly what you do when you cheat — then that’s your prerogative. It makes you an asshole, a no-good liar, a cheater and a thief, but you’re entitled to be the person you want to be.

Just don’t try to tell anyone that you love or ever loved your spouse if you cheat on them. You’re not only insulting your spouse and the history you had with them but you’re insulting yourself, too. And if you’re a cheater, there’s a huge part of you that thinks you’re right, so why would you want to insult yourself?

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By *ongtalljonMan over a year ago

North Wales

I have never been ruined.

However, I have received countless messages from "straight" guys, CDs and TVs who have all offered to smash my backdoors in and leave me ruined.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I agree. I look at as this: Once you have had a taste of the 'pick N mix', maybe the idea of going back to 'boiled sweets' only. .. isn't so appealing? ? Lol!!

OK maybe that wasn't a good analogy! !! I guess I mean.... far from being ruined (as per the title of my thread), maybe they are spoilt and it's too late to go back? "

The romantic notion that we lock eyes and fall in love instantly,foregoing all others is a fairy tale. I'm grown up now and don't believe in fairy tales coming true. Plus,I love pic'n'mix

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By *ubbykitten OP Woman over a year ago

Kent

"Knowledge is power. That's both knowledge about what it is that you want and the wider world, including people.

That is insightful and a wise observation! I agree it has taught me the importance of communication and honesty. But it has also taught me that some people lie....REALLY CONVINCINGLY!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

i know swinging isn't cheating when couples are honest with each other btw. that is aimed at liars.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I think anyone can be faithful if really happy.

I know that if I find the one, I would have eyes only for her.

Yet not sure if love can last as hollywood protrays it...

I don't. I believe there is sufficient scientific evidence that the majority of humans are not monogamous by nature. You could override nature, with effort, but that's hardly fun.

I am monogamous by nature, it is much, much easier for me

Actually ...me too. If I meet the right man then I am genuinely not interested in others. Truth!"

Sure it can be true for you, but the statement I took exception with was "I think anyone can be faithful if really happy" - it doesn't stack up with the science.

Approximately a third of the population would be classed as having a monogamous nature.

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By *ubbykitten OP Woman over a year ago

Kent

I agree. I look at as this: Once you have had a taste of the 'pick N mix', maybe the idea of going back to 'boiled sweets' only. .. isn't so appealing? ? Lol!!

OK maybe that wasn't a good analogy! !! I guess I mean.... far from being ruined (as per the title of my thread), maybe they are spoilt and it's too late to go back?

The romantic notion that we lock eyes and fall in love instantly,foregoing all others is a fairy tale. I'm grown up now and don't believe in fairy tales coming true. Plus,I love pic'n'mix

Oh please don't say that! I never wanted to grow up at all! Cinder ello is still my favourite fairytale! Actually... I thought it was a true story! You have ruined it for me!!!! I have waited all these for Prince Charming to save me!!!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Well ive recently been told by the male half of a couple that because im 39 and single im pathetic. And cant get a women

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Knowledge is power. That's both knowledge about what it is that you want and the wider world, including people.

That is insightful and a wise observation! I agree it has taught me the importance of communication and honesty. But it has also taught me that some people lie....REALLY CONVINCINGLY! "

Do they? With respect, how good is your ability to spot deception?

There are proper courses you can take on the subject and there's even some decent TED talks on t'tube about it. But it's not that bollocks about 'people look up and left when they are lying'

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By *ubbykitten OP Woman over a year ago

Kent

"Knowledge is power. That's both knowledge about what it is that you want and the wider world, including people.

That is insightful and a wise observation! I agree it has taught me the importance of communication and honesty. But it has also taught me that some people lie....REALLY CONVINCINGLY!

Do they? With respect, how good is your ability to spot deception?

There are proper courses you can take on the subject and there's even some decent TED talks on t'tube about it. But it's not that bollocks about 'people look up and left when they are lying' "

I am saying that I was convinced they were telling the truth at first but then I discovered they lied to me at a later stage. But their lies were very convincing! Or else I was incredibly naive! Who knows? I am not saying I am a psychic witch with the ability to read people's inner thoughts! If I had that ability then it would have saved me a lot of heartache over the years!

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By *ubbykitten OP Woman over a year ago

Kent

"Knowledge is power. That's both knowledge about what it is that you want and the wider world, including people.

That is insightful and a wise observation! I agree it has taught me the importance of communication and honesty. But it has also taught me that some people lie....REALLY CONVINCINGLY!

Do they? With respect, how good is your ability to spot deception?

There are proper courses you can take on the subject and there's even some decent TED talks on t'tube about it. But it's not that bollocks about 'people look up and left when they are lying' "

So it hasn't taught me HOW they lie or IF they are lying. It has just taught me that they do....and very well.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Knowledge is power. That's both knowledge about what it is that you want and the wider world, including people.

That is insightful and a wise observation! I agree it has taught me the importance of communication and honesty. But it has also taught me that some people lie....REALLY CONVINCINGLY!

Do they? With respect, how good is your ability to spot deception?

There are proper courses you can take on the subject and there's even some decent TED talks on t'tube about it. But it's not that bollocks about 'people look up and left when they are lying'

I'm just saying that your ability to spot lies can be improved with training (like most things). If you studied it then I'm suggesting you wouldn't have found them as convincing.

It's not a dig at you, I'm just talking generally and that statistically speaking, very few people are 'good liars' but there's a lot of myths about how to spot them which actually inhibits people's ability to do so.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Knowledge is power. That's both knowledge about what it is that you want and the wider world, including people.

That is insightful and a wise observation! I agree it has taught me the importance of communication and honesty. But it has also taught me that some people lie....REALLY CONVINCINGLY!

Do they? With respect, how good is your ability to spot deception?

There are proper courses you can take on the subject and there's even some decent TED talks on t'tube about it. But it's not that bollocks about 'people look up and left when they are lying'

So it hasn't taught me HOW they lie or IF they are lying. It has just taught me that they do....and very well. "

People lie a lot - agree.

That they do it "convincingly" - subjective to your ability to detect deception

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By *icketysplitsWoman over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

I don't think it has ruined me.

I have seen more stable, faithful relationships with couples I have met on here than I expected. Some are monogamous but they like the thrill of watching or just engaging with this world. Others are not monogamous but everything is negotiated and consensual.

I've also met some couples who do this as their bit of scratching that itch, rather than cheating on each other, and then return to monogamy without the damage of deception. In fact, the whole route into this for me was such a revelation from a couple I would not previously have imagined would contemplate being with anyone other than each other.

I have never cheated on a partner but I have been cheated on. I have had many experiences of those who have strayed confessing to me and hearing the suspicions of the cheated on partner.

Each relationship is unique and that's how I choose to approach them.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I often think this. But then I know that there are a lot of good guys out there who would be as loyal as me, if I were ever to venture back into a relationship. Not sure I could ever do it with a vanilla guy though...I get bored too easy and I'd miss this lifestyle too much.

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By *orwegian BlueMan over a year ago

Iceland, but Aldi is closer..

I would question the balance of unfaithful men to unfaithful women on this site.. I suggest it would be around equal..

Sites like this will draw out a certain section of society, don't base your perceived assumption of fidelity upon this place as your results will be heavily loaded...

The number of relationships where both partners are faithful and happy is far greater than that of those that break down..

Good news then, there is someone out there that will make you happy, whatever lifestyle you desire..

And each to their own, if you don't want to get involved with a married person then move on...

But likewise, don't pass judgement on those that you perceive to be unfaithful..just a polite no thanks is all that is required.

Not every situation is black or white.

From my own experience, and that of others in similar situations to myself that I got to know on a similar site, being trapped in a relationship where there is no immediate way out (either children or financial) and sex is a distant memory, a site like this is an ideal place to be.

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By *edRidingWolfCouple over a year ago

Lydney

"Maybe it's different for us being a couple swinging.

We believe in true love. He's my best friend and best lover. We have best time together no matter what we doing. He's the person I want to be with for the rest of my life and he's the same.

We just enjoy having sex with other people . It's that simple

MrsSB

This is it exactly! For us he is my best friend, my soul mate and my best lover.

We can however separate love from sex.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

While I am single then I can do what I like with who I like but in a committed relationship I would be totally different.

I am by nature a monogamous woman. This is something I do if I am single. "

Me too x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I think you're maybe over analysing things and need to take people how you find them. I don't know your nature so I'm insure whether you throw yourself head on into a relationship o if you're more cautious.

Slightly off subject but along the same lines, from being on here I've found I've become almost desensitised towards sex, almost by having sex pretty much available on demand I don't want it & it doesn't excite me.

Not quite sure the point being but it might help you see that NSA sex can have an affect in different ways!

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By *ubbykitten OP Woman over a year ago

Kent

"I would question the balance of unfaithful men to unfaithful women on this site.. I suggest it would be around equal..

Sites like this will draw out a certain section of society, don't base your perceived assumption of fidelity upon this place as your results will be heavily loaded...

The number of relationships where both partners are faithful and happy is far greater than that of those that break down..

Good news then, there is someone out there that will make you happy, whatever lifestyle you desire..

And each to their own, if you don't want to get involved with a married person then move on...

But likewise, don't pass judgement on those that you perceive to be unfaithful..just a polite no thanks is all that is required.

Not every situation is black or white.

I liked your post until I got to the bit where you accused me of judging others! Again... I have not judged others at all. Each to their own. I am not talking about swingers anyway. I was talking about my ability to trust others after I have seen how so many cheat without partners knowledge. It isn't a judgement but it is an observation which has made me question the fidelity of my previous relationships. Honesty and trust is very important to me. Hence why I wonder if having been on this scene so long, it has ruined my outlook or at least skewed my sense of perspective. It's perhaps difficult to recall what it was like to have a vanilla monogamous relationship!

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By *ubbykitten OP Woman over a year ago

Kent

"Maybe it's different for us being a couple swinging.

We believe in true love. He's my best friend and best lover. We have best time together no matter what we doing. He's the person I want to be with for the rest of my life and he's the same.

We just enjoy having sex with other people . It's that simple

MrsSB

This is it exactly! For us he is my best friend, my soul mate and my best lover.

We can however separate love from sex. "

But that is fine because it is your chosen lifestyle so all power to you both!

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By *ubbykitten OP Woman over a year ago

Kent

"I think you're maybe over analysing things and need to take people how you find them. I don't know your nature so I'm insure whether you throw yourself head on into a relationship o if you're more cautious.

Not quite sure the point being but it might help you see that NSA sex can have an affect in different ways!"

Oh I agree. It can change our perspectives a lot. I do find if I go on a vanilla date, I have to consciously slow myself down lol! I have to yell myself 'he is NOT a swinger! !' Lol!!! Actually it is refreshing but sometimes of he is really hot.... bloody frustrating!!! Lol!!!!! Especially when he knows NOTHING about how this woman sitting their on her pretty summery dress really behaves in private!!!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I was with someone for 23 years and the biggest shock of my life was finding out he had been unfaithful with several people and i didnt know,i think i loved him so much it didnt even cross my mind,he was devastated when i finished it,i never want another relationship as long as i live.

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By *ubbykitten OP Woman over a year ago

Kent

"I was with someone for 23 years and the biggest shock of my life was finding out he had been unfaithful with several people and i didnt know,i think i loved him so much it didnt even cross my mind,he was devastated when i finished it,i never want another relationship as long as i live."

Heartbreaking. So sorry. X

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By *ath_Neil_bifunCouple over a year ago

near cardiff

I now cannot help but be suspicious of any man I date in vanilla world. ..

Is it the case that in the reality, everyone cheats eventueally? Or are there some guys who really are faithful?

Has being on this scene ruined my trusting outlook? Was I perhaps naive in the past?

I should make it clear that I have never had a relationship with a swinger. "

Men and women get bored of each other.The pitfalls of manogamy i suppose.not all will cheat but i suspect even they will get bored of the same sex,in the same positions once or twice a month after a few drinks.people will say you should communicate.I say easier said than done for most who are not comfortable talking about sex.its a predictable pattern that lends itself to cheating.fuck manogomy.it is a stiffling and weird relationship philosophy beat into us from the get go.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I would question the balance of unfaithful men to unfaithful women on this site.. I suggest it would be around equal..

And statistically speaking you'd be correct

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By *ubbykitten OP Woman over a year ago

Kent

I now cannot help but be suspicious of any man I date in vanilla world. ..

Is it the case that in the reality, everyone cheats eventueally? Or are there some guys who really are faithful?

Has being on this scene ruined my trusting outlook? Was I perhaps naive in the past?

I should make it clear that I have never had a relationship with a swinger.

I appreciate and sort of understand that. However I know I am not a typical swinger in the true sense as I still couldn't cope with seeing my partner with another woman... even with my consent.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Not quite sure the point being but it might help you see that NSA sex can have an affect in different ways!

See for me I think you've just hit the nail on the head, the slow it down / frustrating part...!!

I need to think some more about this ~ thanks sweetie x

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By *ohnaronMan over a year ago

london

While I am single then I can do what I like with who I like but in a committed relationship I would be totally different.

I am by nature a monogamous woman. This is something I do if I am single. "

Thats a shame. I could only be happy with a partner who regularly chose to fck other guys of her choice.

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By *ubbykitten OP Woman over a year ago

Kent

While I am single then I can do what I like with who I like but in a committed relationship I would be totally different.

I am by nature a monogamous woman. This is something I do if I am single.

Thats a shame. I could only be happy with a partner who regularly chose to fck other guys of her choice."

But that's fine because you both know and consent. All above board and everyone is happy!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Swinging hasn't jaded my thoughts on relationships quite the opposite. I've always been a cheater because I've not been happy in either of my marriages. But when I was single the first time and just "shagging around" I was happy. I adore the attention of swinging and this lifestyle gives me. Xxx

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

While I am single then I can do what I like with who I like but in a committed relationship I would be totally different.

I am by nature a monogamous woman. This is something I do if I am single.

Thats a shame. I could only be happy with a partner who regularly chose to fck other guys of her choice."

Is that a sexual thing for you? You want that because you're aroused by it?

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By *eneRoissyMan over a year ago

Nailsworth

Maybe the key here is defining 'unfaithful' what I think hurts and damages relationships is not the sex with another person but lying about it, it's the latter that is the 'unfaithful' bit.

I am single currently and yes I've opened Pandora's box and I'm not sure if the lid can ever be closed.

However the scene teaches a very important lesson which is kinda obvious that sex isn't love and having sex with someone other than your significant other is not being unfaithful or cheating, so long as, it is something both partners concent too.

I've seen some of the most faithful and loving relationships on the scene because they are open, honest, loving and without jealousy.

As one poster said, date a swinger, and embrace the fact that your partnership is a hell of a lot more than sex

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

The truth i could cope with,the lies never,when a person lies to their husband,wife,or partner,the trust is gone forever,end off.

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By *iamondjoeMan over a year ago

Glastonbury

The level of irony here is truly staggering

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By *inky-MinxWoman over a year ago

Grantham

I think I like the swinging lifestyle as it prevents me from thinking about having a relationship again

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I think I like the swinging lifestyle as it prevents me from thinking about having a relationship again

That's a good point.

Besides, I was damaged before all this anyway.

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By *risky_MareWoman over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"Maybe the key here is defining 'unfaithful' what I think hurts and damages relationships is not the sex with another person but lying about it, it's the latter that is the 'unfaithful' bit.

I am single currently and yes I've opened Pandora's box and I'm not sure if the lid can ever be closed.

I've seen some of the most faithful and loving relationships on the scene because they are open, honest, loving and without jealousy.

As one poster said, date a swinger, and embrace the fact that your partnership is a hell of a lot more than sex"

Some good points.

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By *inky-MinxWoman over a year ago

Grantham

"I think I like the swinging lifestyle as it prevents me from thinking about having a relationship again

That's a good point.

Besides, I was damaged before all this anyway. "

I was but I'm all fixed now

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By *ohnaronMan over a year ago

london

"The level of irony here is truly staggering"

Staggering, lurching. Oh my goodness. I tripped and before I could do anything about it my willy had gone into this hole.

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By *orwegian BlueMan over a year ago

Iceland, but Aldi is closer..

"I would question the balance of unfaithful men to unfaithful women on this site.. I suggest it would be around equal..

Sites like this will draw out a certain section of society, don't base your perceived assumption of fidelity upon this place as your results will be heavily loaded...

The number of relationships where both partners are faithful and happy is far greater than that of those that break down..

Good news then, there is someone out there that will make you happy, whatever lifestyle you desire..

And each to their own, if you don't want to get involved with a married person then move on...

But likewise, don't pass judgement on those that you perceive to be unfaithful..just a polite no thanks is all that is required.

Not every situation is black or white.

"
I wasn't judging yourself, your posts have been most pragmatic throughout...

There are a small minority that take it upon themselves to go on a moral crusade and when they come across a profile that openly admits infidelity in a form, will then send a message along the lines of "cheating bastard"..

It is that type of person I find just a little too judgmental for my taste..

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"The level of irony here is truly staggering"

What do you mean?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Maybe the key here is defining 'unfaithful' what I think hurts and damages relationships is not the sex with another person but lying about it, it's the latter that is the 'unfaithful' bit.

I am single currently and yes I've opened Pandora's box and I'm not sure if the lid can ever be closed.

I've seen some of the most faithful and loving relationships on the scene because they are open, honest, loving and without jealousy.

As one poster said, date a swinger, and embrace the fact that your partnership is a hell of a lot more than sex"

Monogamous relationships aren't just about sex. For some the sex isn't that important to them as the friendship and building a life together. My marriage was never about sex;sex was one part that two people share. The making a home together,bringing up children and making memories together was far more important to me than the sex. When my husband cheated on me it wasn't the fact he'd stuck his dick in another woman that hurt,it was knowing that the sex wasn't the reason he cheated on me.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Maybe the key here is defining 'unfaithful' what I think hurts and damages relationships is not the sex with another person but lying about it, it's the latter that is the 'unfaithful' bit.

I am single currently and yes I've opened Pandora's box and I'm not sure if the lid can ever be closed.

I've seen some of the most faithful and loving relationships on the scene because they are open, honest, loving and without jealousy.

As one poster said, date a swinger, and embrace the fact that your partnership is a hell of a lot more than sex

And it wasn't him lying about it that hurt either. It was knowing he wanted the company of another woman and to take her out and care about her,all the while making my life miserable,that hurt.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

2 sides to every story

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Maybe it's different for us being a couple swinging.

We believe in true love. He's my best friend and best lover. We have best time together no matter what we doing. He's the person I want to be with for the rest of my life and he's the same.

We just enjoy having sex with other people . It's that simple

MrsSB

Thats great if it works for you but as I say, I am not a true swinger in that sense so sex with others whilst in a relationship is not for me.

This....

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By *yldstyleWoman over a year ago

A world of my own

It seems to have had the opposite effect on me. I now want happily ever after even more.

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By *iamondjoeMan over a year ago

Glastonbury

"2 sides to every story "

"Every argument is a triple-edged sword," I think you'll find

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