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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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can you trust someone who is honest with you about lying?
like say they tell you they're lying to get what they want from those they want to deceive. i can't trust them myself but have slight trust issues. |
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"maybe you only have to trust yourself? idk.
like you know if you can trust that person or not by how you feel."
I have chosen to trust people because of what I have felt for them. It enabled me to enjoy my time with them rather than spend it questioning everything they did. Unsurprisingly, at some point I would learn that I shouldn't trust everything they said or did but I don't think I would change my trust behaviour.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I put faith in people to do right by themselves, by me and by others
That doesn't mean I trust them
So, to me, trust is multi faceted
It is also a much misused term |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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yeah, you've both made good points there. it's not really a black and white issue.
i isolated myself because i didn't want to bother trusting people but now i'm getting back out there and trying to figure everything out again. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Show me someone who says they NEVER lie and I'll show you a liar .. Even teensy weensy ones like when an old woman asks "how old do you think I am" and you want to say 89 but take 20 years off just in case and they say "I'm 84 you know .." And you lie back "ooh you never are I thought you were much younger!"
Everyone does it to a lesser or greater extent .. |
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"Show me someone who says they NEVER lie and I'll show you a liar .. Even teensy weensy ones like when an old woman asks "how old do you think I am" and you want to say 89 but take 20 years off just in case and they say "I'm 84 you know .." And you lie back "ooh you never are I thought you were much younger!"
Everyone does it to a lesser or greater extent .."
That's something you can trust though, isn't it? I trust that everyone lies, at least a bit. I trust that most people will offer a little flattering lie to little old ladies (I enjoy them when they come my way). I trust that people I don't know will, generally, behave in a polite and decent manner.
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"Show me someone who says they NEVER lie and I'll show you a liar .. Even teensy weensy ones like when an old woman asks "how old do you think I am" and you want to say 89 but take 20 years off just in case and they say "I'm 84 you know .." And you lie back "ooh you never are I thought you were much younger!"
Everyone does it to a lesser or greater extent .."
You put that so well. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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i get that people will lie to spare feelings, especially if they don't know that person well enough to know how they'd take the truth.
suppose i'll figure stuff out more the more i bother with people again. already figured out a little just from this topic, thanks. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I had major trust issues after my marriage broke down as I was lied to about practically everything by my ex husband...
but I do think we will believe what we want to, it's a case of anything for a quiet life isn't it?
My problem is that these days I will question anything anyone tells me as there is no trust there... |
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"I had major trust issues after my marriage broke down as I was lied to about practically everything by my ex husband...
but I do think we will believe what we want to, it's a case of anything for a quiet life isn't it?
My problem is that these days I will question anything anyone tells me as there is no trust there..."
I spent many lonely years living like that. If you open yourself up to people you implicitly have to open yourself up to enabling some level of trust.
I don't trust the name someone gives me on here (every Steve is really a Rob and vice versa) but I have to trust, at some level, that the person I am meeting me will not physically hurt me. Without that it would be impossible to meet anyone.
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"maybe you only have to trust yourself? idk.
like you know if you can trust that person or not by how you feel.
Trust yourself.  "
What about the lie paradox we operate about ourselves? Bussy's initial comment rings true for me.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"can you trust someone who is honest with you about lying?
like say they tell you they're lying to get what they want from those they want to deceive. i can't trust them myself but have slight trust issues."
If someone said that to me (admitting they lie to get what they want) then I'd take that as a warning sign. Sure people do lie to get what they want sometimes but to blatantly 'admit' it- surely that's like bragging.
Sounds like they are putting some sort of disclaimer in at the start- "well I told you that I lie so why did you ever trust me?" kind of thing.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I had major trust issues after my marriage broke down as I was lied to about practically everything by my ex husband...
but I do think we will believe what we want to, it's a case of anything for a quiet life isn't it?
My problem is that these days I will question anything anyone tells me as there is no trust there...
I spent many lonely years living like that. If you open yourself up to people you implicitly have to open yourself up to enabling some level of trust.
I don't trust the name someone gives me on here (every Steve is really a Rob and vice versa) but I have to trust, at some level, that the person I am meeting me will not physically hurt me. Without that it would be impossible to meet anyone.
"
I get what you mean and I did get back my own level of personal trust, to a certain extent... I do meet people but sometimes forget to tell them who I really am... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"can you trust someone who is honest with you about lying?
like say they tell you they're lying to get what they want from those they want to deceive. i can't trust them myself but have slight trust issues.
If someone said that to me (admitting they lie to get what they want) then I'd take that as a warning sign. Sure people do lie to get what they want sometimes but to blatantly 'admit' it- surely that's like bragging.
Sounds like they are putting some sort of disclaimer in at the start- "well I told you that I lie so why did you ever trust me?" kind of thing. "
If someone said that to me, alarm bells would definitely be ringing  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I had major trust issues after my marriage broke down as I was lied to about practically everything by my ex husband...
but I do think we will believe what we want to, it's a case of anything for a quiet life isn't it?
My problem is that these days I will question anything anyone tells me as there is no trust there..."
yeah this is where i was not long back, really fucks with your head when you're naively trusting and get with someone who abuses that. i think because i've been through this before i've got over it quicker this time (i isolated for nearly 2 years after the first time, this times it's been about 6 months).
i like a quiet life but mine was more i believed what i wanted to believe rather than the truth because the lies made me happy.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"can you trust someone who is honest with you about lying?
like say they tell you they're lying to get what they want from those they want to deceive. i can't trust them myself but have slight trust issues.
If someone said that to me (admitting they lie to get what they want) then I'd take that as a warning sign. Sure people do lie to get what they want sometimes but to blatantly 'admit' it- surely that's like bragging.
Sounds like they are putting some sort of disclaimer in at the start- "well I told you that I lie so why did you ever trust me?" kind of thing.
If someone said that to me, alarm bells would definitely be ringing "
good point i hadn't thought of that. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"maybe you only have to trust yourself? idk.
like you know if you can trust that person or not by how you feel.
Trust yourself.
What about the lie paradox we operate about ourselves? Bussy's initial comment rings true for me.
"
I'm not sure what you mean. I trust myself a lot but question myself a lot too. It's madness.  |
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Trust doesn't have to be an all or nothing - you can have degrees of trust or conditional trust. Just be honest with yourself and rely on rational thought processes rather than emotions only.
People aren't static,so their past doesn't dictate their future.
You have a lifetime to get another to earn your trust, so don't be unreasonable in your expectations of speed . |
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"can you trust someone who is honest with you about lying?
like say they tell you they're lying to get what they want from those they want to deceive. i can't trust them myself but have slight trust issues."
“I'm not upset that you lied to me, I'm upset that from now on I can't believe you.” ? Friedrich Nietzsche
I guess I would normally trust until there was evidence to the contrary, though sometimes that comes very quickly on here - the first time you don't get a straight answer to a straight question. If you listen to your gut you often know, but not always, sometimes you get taken for a ride.
But hope springs eternal, I like be able to get excited about something truly being as good as it appears to be on the surface, I would hate to become cynical and go through life without the possibility of that joy.  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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hmm good points yeah.
i've remembered as well that the more people who prove you were right to trust them helps. and obviously if people prove you were wrong to trust them this makes things worse. |
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"hmm good points yeah.
i've remembered as well that the more people who prove you were right to trust them helps. and obviously if people prove you were wrong to trust them this makes things worse."
Yes, and everyone in this life is continually sending us one way or another up or down a sliding scale. It's really nice when people really come through for you and surprise you in a positive way. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"hmm good points yeah.
i've remembered as well that the more people who prove you were right to trust them helps. and obviously if people prove you were wrong to trust them this makes things worse.
Yes, and everyone in this life is continually sending us one way or another up or down a sliding scale. It's really nice when people really come through for you and surprise you in a positive way. "
yeah i love it when people do that. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"...everyone in this life is continually sending us one way or another up or down a sliding scale. It's really nice when people really come through for you and surprise you in a positive way. "
This - to take a risk and make yourself vulnerable to someone else, even in simple ways, then have it rewarded with kindness and reassurance...it's still surprising and uplifting to me.
I'm not so sure I'd ever feel ready to do so with someone who lies so readily, without any apparent shame? |
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"...everyone in this life is continually sending us one way or another up or down a sliding scale. It's really nice when people really come through for you and surprise you in a positive way.
This - to take a risk and make yourself vulnerable to someone else, even in simple ways, then have it rewarded with kindness and reassurance...it's still surprising and uplifting to me.
"
Yes, I have a good friend who totally gets, and values, the depth of my loyalty to him, and having him value it makes it unshakable. He says I am worth ten..... |
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