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Sorry kids your dad's lying too you
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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So there you are traveling down one of the many motorways this country has to offer. Not a care in the world music playing windows down enjoying the sunshine.
When up ahead you see the dreaded warning CONGESTION AHEAD. You brace yourself for the inevitable sign of brake lights in the distance.
Your mood sours as you join the back of a long line of slow moving traffic. Is it an accident you wonder. I hope no one got hurt.
Then they appear and just like from the famous movie. Traffic cones thousands of them.
So your sat there the temperature is rising as well as your blood pressure as you crawl though this coneaggedon when in the distance you see a sign.
It's a cute child wearing a hard hat with the famous phase. My Daddy works here pleae drive carefully though these roadworks.
No he fucking doesn't kid your dad's lying to you. You have a better chance of seeing Bigfoot working on the hard shoulder than of seeing your dad.
His one job is to lay out several thousand traffic cones then fuck off to the pub for 6 weeks before coming back to collect them.
Let me spend one evening with your dad and his traffic cones kid and i'll help him make use of them. And it won't be to clog up a motorway.
Happy motoring
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By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago
Over the rainbow, under the bridge |
The M60 has been having 'work' on it for ages and it's expected to go on for another year or more. They're turning it into a smart motorway.
The only work done seems to be reducing the speed limit to 50, putting up speed cameras and narrowing the lanes.
I travel on it every day for work and have NEVER seen a single person working on anything ever. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Summer holidays wouldn't be the same without the long queues in hot cars, miles of traffic cones and stationary machinery.
It is a British Tradition."
Give me the keys I would make sure the machinery wasn't stationary.  |
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By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago
Over the rainbow, under the bridge |
"Summer holidays wouldn't be the same without the long queues in hot cars, miles of traffic cones and stationary machinery.
It is a British Tradition."
Not just British. I did an 8 country driving tour of European countries and every single one had road works (apart from Switzerland) and I never saw any workers on them either. It's a fucking global conspiracy.
The ones outside leipzig were the worst. Took me the best part of an hour to get through them and we weren't crawling though the speed limit had been lowered. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Bring in Clarkson et al. They will keep Britain moving!I so agree with you. I did hear though that sometimes cones are up for safety reasons even if no-one is working e.g. if crash barrier has been repaired it will not be strong enough for a while after (setting) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Oh dear oh dear oh dear.
Saying that this is kind of relevant.
Ever seen the film Falling Down. Michael Douglas.
I can honestly say the older I've got I feel for him. Now when I'm stuck in traffic because of roadworks I feel inclined to fuck my car off and start walking. Finding a cache of weapons and levelling all who get in my way. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Oh dear oh dear oh dear.
Saying that this is kind of relevant.
Ever seen the film Falling Down. Michael Douglas.
I can honestly say the older I've got I feel for him. Now when I'm stuck in traffic because of roadworks I feel inclined to fuck my car off and start walking. Finding a cache of weapons and levelling all who get in my way. "
Or just go to the pub. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Brilliant post. You're obviously not on the M6 around Birmingham cos theirs are out all year round to persuade you to go on the M6 Toll..... but then if there's an accident on it a you have to wait 25 minutes or more you don't get any refund ?? |
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"The M60 has been having 'work' on it for ages and it's expected to go on for another year or more. They're turning it into a smart motorway.
The only work done seems to be reducing the speed limit to 50, putting up speed cameras and narrowing the lanes.
I travel on it every day for work and have NEVER seen a single person working on anything ever. "
Can't see the problem I'm on the motorway every day but then I suppose them silly forward facing cameras can't knick bikers  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"The M60 has been having 'work' on it for ages and it's expected to go on for another year or more. They're turning it into a smart motorway.
The only work done seems to be reducing the speed limit to 50, putting up speed cameras and narrowing the lanes.
I travel on it every day for work and have NEVER seen a single person working on anything ever.
Can't see the problem I'm on the motorway every day but then I suppose them silly forward facing cameras can't knick bikers "
The new cameras are rear facing. You pass a speed sensor the camera goes off once you have passed. The bastards have them hidden in the new matrix signs that go over the motorway. |
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"The M60 has been having 'work' on it for ages and it's expected to go on for another year or more. They're turning it into a smart motorway.
The only work done seems to be reducing the speed limit to 50, putting up speed cameras and narrowing the lanes.
I travel on it every day for work and have NEVER seen a single person working on anything ever.
Can't see the problem I'm on the motorway every day but then I suppose them silly forward facing cameras can't knick bikers
The new cameras are rear facing. You pass a speed sensor the camera goes off once you have passed. The bastards have them hidden in the new matrix signs that go over the motorway."
I know the spoil sports. I'm taking advantage while the m60 hasn't yet got them or at least until I've fitted my 007 style flip plate |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I used to know someone who was in charge of traffic cone distribution at Manchester City council...
he actually loved his job "
I don't know him but bet he's a bastard. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Aaaah, Sheffield and the M1 upgrade.
I regularly drive that way to Nell's and rarely see any work being carried out or even any people who are supposedly carrying out the work. No wonder its taking so fucking long!!! |
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"Brilliant post. You're obviously not on the M6 around Birmingham cos theirs are out all year round to persuade you to go on the M6 Toll..... but then if there's an accident on it a you have to wait 25 minutes or more you don't get any refund ??"
I've only managed to get on the toll road once and that's because the fuckers shut every lane but that one. |
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