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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Hi all,
My wife and I have my sons visit every other weekend. They are 10 & 11.
This weekend, my youngest has been a little reserved and took the laptop upstairs to bed. He always looks at games, minecraft stuff and football on youtube.
However, when we were looking through some of the history from last night and this morning, we have found quite a lot of violent youtube videos, searches for people swearing etc and most disturbingly some very specific searches for a site called redtube.
We're not prudes (obviously) and curiosity is always there. But while we can handle the words "biggest dick" and "sperm" being searched for, the one we are worried about is "10 year old gets fucked".
My youngest has Aspergers and my wife works with adults with this condition and says that children with ASD can undergo puberty a lot sooner. He is more developed than my 11 year old (taller, broader, bigger hands/feet and err, pubic hair).
We really need some advice on how to potentially handle this. I like to think I'm a good Dad and my wife is a brilliant step-mum but we only get to see them 4/5 days of the month (if that).
My ex-wife is also a complete crank and would take things completely out of context and blame us. I already feel silly for letting him use the laptop at night but I guess I'm a bit too soft in that regard.
Filters are always on the laptop but these were specific search terms which have gotten us worried.
The last two visits he has also wet himself in the living room and completely missed the toilet and not told anyone this weekend. It;s just really strange.
Any help and advice on how to handle this would be most appreciated.
Thanks V&K |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'd say it's almost certainly just curiosity, he is growing and changing and more than likely is looking for comparisons as far as the cock searches go!
His hormones will be all over the place and is probably searching to see if 10year olds get fucked, at that age if I had the Internet I'd be sectioned if someone would have saw the things I'd have searched for |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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That's a toughy mate, does he have a social worker you could talk to. Is he the only person with access to the laptop? At the end of the day he is searching for people his own age having sex. I'm no expert but maybe his condition means he doesn't realise how wrong it is to search for such things, an adult would be a paedo for doing just that but because he is that age himself maybe he sees no wrong in it. If it was me I'd have a chat to him and maybe speak to your gp for a referral for him to speak to a professional. I'd also be wondering where he's getting his ideas from, m |
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Hey you two,
First - Get activtrak on the laptop - then you can see / watch what is going on.
Second - you are going to have to have a word with the ex.
Does he have a mobile / iPad?
There are apps to monitor that too.
I know I would / am.
There are other things you can do with OpenDNS to block certain things.
It may be stuff going around at school - but it needs monitoring.
BTDT (and indeed, kinda reminds me, I need to start doing it again).
Flames
(Will go check with Phoenix after she's done putting someone to bed!) |
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A sudden change like this is a definite concern. All children will start to look up rude things but more gradually. Wetting the bed can be a phase but can also be associated with trauma and stress.
You need help to approach him. If something (god forbid) is very wrong then if it's not done carefully and with tact he may clam up rather than open up.
Do you have any contact with the staff at his school? Ask if they have noticed any changes and if they know of a counsellor. Or ask at your GP practice.
Hopefully he's just having a major hormone surge/growth spurt combined with new information about the world he's found out from peers. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sorry I pressed send before I was finished, i was just going to ask if he's recenlyt had sex education at school recently, kids grow up fast these days with the Internet and everything freely available at the touch of a button. Good luck but I'd leave it to the professionals, and not bodie and Doyle  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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There's a programme called netintellegance that you can install that will prevent access to all adult sites.
With the wetting, it could be he is unsettled and rebelling. I am carer for my daughter with severe learning disabilities and have the wetting problem myself. XXX |
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A quiet word with him is one approach and see where it leads.
I would also be a bit worried that the search history and cookies are on your laptop, so the first assumption would be that it's you who were looking for underage sexual content, should the laptop end up in someone else's hands. That's one bucket of fish you definitely don't want to be handling!
Good luck though. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Parental controls on all his devices and a straight chat about what you have found and why it is wrong. If he has asd he will need to know where the boundaries are. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I know a 10 year old boy who did the same. It's playground talk, and he will have heard other boys or older boys if he plays out on his bike with them talk about it.
I'm sure it's nothing of concern but parental controls and just have a word with him. It's surprising as although he's searched for it he won't have a clue what it's all about. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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There's organisations to help people deal with issues around Aspergers/Autism etc - perhaps they would be a good place to ask for guidance/help - as this is not just a child, but a child with particular needs. |
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By *elnkazCouple
over a year ago
cheshire |
Maybe have a word with school and if you social services involved then have chat with social worker. It could be something and nothing bit worth talking to a professional. If no joy then maybe your gp can refer you to someone.
Sometimes all it takes is for a child to overheae something and thay feed their curiosity. .but good luck with it all .k |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Contact with school etc is non-existent due to the ex having power grab issues. Honestly, I cannot even explain how bad that woman has been.
I digress.
I 100% think something at school has triggered this. They do say that they all search on school computers for various videos which shouldn't ever be accessed at a primary school.
I get the age and curiosity thing. When I was at school we were lucky to get a porn mag.
And yes, I get the fact he is 10 and he would be curious about looking for it.
My problem is I'm a 33 year old man and this laptop is registered in my name, signed into every single website, google+ etc... that search term could land someone like me in a lot of trouble 
We're both more concerned about stuff that is triggering this at school and at home  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I would start by talking to your GP and possibly look to talk to someone like the NSPCC.
It may be a sign that he's come into contact with information that's a bit beyond his years if you get my drift.
Possibly the forum isn't the best place to ask for advice, but I would be looking for very professional help to protect him. |
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You have insulted your ex twice in your posts.
I don't care what your relationship is but you are BOTH your sons parents.
You see your son every other weekend or 4/5 days a month.
Speak to his mother, his primary carer, the person who has your sons every day.
Between you , decide what is best for your boys and take the next step from there.
People gave possible avenues above. You cannot act without speaking to his mother first. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"You have insulted your ex twice in your posts.
I don't care what your relationship is but you are BOTH your sons parents.
You see your son every other weekend or 4/5 days a month.
Speak to his mother, his primary carer, the person who has your sons every day.
Between you , decide what is best for your boys and take the next step from there.
People gave possible avenues above. You cannot act without speaking to his mother first. "
Always one isn't there?
Yes I can act without consulting my son's Mother. I have full Parental Responsibility. Perhaps you are still living in the dark ages?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As granny said no matter what kind of relationship you have with her, you need to speak to your ex first before looking elsewhere for a solution...
As a side note, my son is 11 and has aspergers and whilst he is very knowledgable about a lot of things, sex isn't one of them and he was as embarrassed as his classmates when the nurse came in for the sex education talk... maybe that is what triggered your sons interest? |
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