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Implanted beliefs about ourselves
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
Another thread had me thinking about the ways we take on an often false belief about ourself based on the messages we get from others.
I know how much this had affected my life, and when I'm in the depths of depression how much these messages jump to the fore.
What false messages have you battled?
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"Ones that say I'm a gay cunt. My usual reaction is one of mild bemusement. "
If you're a gay cunt does that make you a lesbian? 
I hope this message isn't coming from anyone close to you.
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"Jesus!
Where do you want me to start?!
I was thinking about a thread entitled "Post your misconceptions about DiamondJoe here" but deemed it too self-referential.
:/"
 ... that would be one of those misconceptions. |
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"Jesus!
Where do you want me to start?!
I was thinking about a thread entitled "Post your misconceptions about DiamondJoe here" but deemed it too self-referential.
:/"
Yeah I'd be intrigued to know just how far off or spot on people's thoughts about me are but it seems a bit self indulgent.
I can't remember Lickety's question now so I'm going to have to go back and read it!  |
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"Another thread had me thinking about the ways we take on an often false belief about ourself based on the messages we get from others.
I know how much this had affected my life, and when I'm in the depths of depression how much these messages jump to the fore.
What false messages have you battled?
"
Mine are all subconscious and primal, but I know there are some there lol. 
I honestly think the unconditional love of a good man in my teenage years saved me.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Couldn't give a damn what people think of us, we are not going to change to suit anyone else, so as the saying goes...'loved by some and hated by others' seems to be about right.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I know exactly what I am to men on here and on other sites on the internet. My ego is such that it can't be inflated by the hundreds of flattering messages I get. My self worth comes from me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"He's a gay cunt
I've never considered you a gay cunt. I see you more as a bi-sexual cunt
Glad to have helped  
"
For the hard of thinking, that was (of course) a joke  |
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"Another thread had me thinking about the ways we take on an often false belief about ourself based on the messages we get from others.
I know how much this had affected my life, and when I'm in the depths of depression how much these messages jump to the fore.
What false messages have you battled?
Mine are all subconscious and primal, but I know there are some there lol.
I honestly think the unconditional love of a good man in my teenage years saved me. "
I think my childhood damage was compounded by the violent, conditional "love" of a damaged man in my teenage years. His mother helped to augment the message that I should never get fat if I wanted to keep a man.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Couldn't give a damn what people think of us, we are not going to change to suit anyone else, so as the saying goes...'loved by some and hated by others' seems to be about right. "
.
What a perfect name  |
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"Couldn't give a damn what people think of us, we are not going to change to suit anyone else, so as the saying goes...'loved by some and hated by others' seems to be about right. "
That's great. This is more about the messages that you just accept because they have been implanted into your beliefs. At a whimsical level it might be as daft as eating your crusts will give you curly hair.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"He's a gay cunt
I've never considered you a gay cunt. I see you more as a bi-sexual cunt
Glad to have helped
For the hard of thinking, that was (of course) a joke "
.
I guess your Dan and your a Berk!. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My ex husband met me when I was a young,voluptuous teenager. I went on to go back to being underweight until I was 35. He didn't like me very much and called me names referring to my weight. None of it hurt,nothing,not a thing he said to me about my appearance hurt me or made me feel self conscious about my weight. |
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"Couldn't give a damn what people think of us, we are not going to change to suit anyone else, so as the saying goes...'loved by some and hated by others' seems to be about right.
That's great. This is more about the messages that you just accept because they have been implanted into your beliefs. At a whimsical level it might be as daft as eating your crusts will give you curly hair."
This is it.
I think you know me well enough to understand that I really don't give a shit what other people think of how I look, act or behave.
*as Popeye*
"I yam whaddi yam."
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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago
Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum |
Constant verbal abuse from my mother has given me low self esteem. I find a need positive feedback a lot, and take knick backs very personally.
One I got over was being afraid to show my legs. My sister always told me I had legs like tree trunks so I never wore skirts. When I was 22 a guy told me my legs were lovely and I realised they were. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Couldn't give a damn what people think of us, we are not going to change to suit anyone else, so as the saying goes...'loved by some and hated by others' seems to be about right.
That's great. This is more about the messages that you just accept because they have been implanted into your beliefs. At a whimsical level it might be as daft as eating your crusts will give you curly hair.
"
.
Isn't that true then  |
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"Another thread had me thinking about the ways we take on an often false belief about ourself based on the messages we get from others.
I know how much this had affected my life, and when I'm in the depths of depression how much these messages jump to the fore.
What false messages have you battled?
Mine are all subconscious and primal, but I know there are some there lol.
I honestly think the unconditional love of a good man in my teenage years saved me.
I think my childhood damage was compounded by the violent, conditional "love" of a damaged man in my teenage years. His mother helped to augment the message that I should never get fat if I wanted to keep a man.
"
Ouch, yes, that's not good. It seems the greatest damage is done before people are 6 yrs old, and we are often totally oblivious of the nature of it, but I do think our early sexual/romantic relationships are very 'shaping' of the psyche too. |
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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago
Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum |
"Constant verbal abuse from my mother has given me low self esteem. I find a need positive feedback a lot, and take knick backs very personally.
One I got over was being afraid to show my legs. My sister always told me I had legs like tree trunks so I never wore skirts. When I was 22 a guy told me my legs were lovely and I realised they were. "
*knock backs |
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I've found myself struggling with this so much lately. It's like there's a huge collision between what I see and feel and what others tell me. Messages tell me one thing. My mind tells me something different. I get this overwhelming sense of self-loathing. I hit the self-destruct button and push people away who I think are too good for me, which then makes me feel even worse. I know it's totally irrational and I'm fighting it but it still can well up out of nowhere from time to time. It scares me. |
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"Constant verbal abuse from my mother has given me low self esteem. I find a need positive feedback a lot, and take knick backs very personally.
One I got over was being afraid to show my legs. My sister always told me I had legs like tree trunks so I never wore skirts. When I was 22 a guy told me my legs were lovely and I realised they were. "
The drip, drip, drip of those messages do erode. I've seen your legs and know them to be long and lovely.
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i take everything with a pinch of salt !!!
everyone has what they perceive are problems.....
you always have to think positive.......no one is exempt from what we perceive are problems......always try and see the bright side...
xx |
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"Couldn't give a damn what people think of us, we are not going to change to suit anyone else, so as the saying goes...'loved by some and hated by others' seems to be about right.
That's great. This is more about the messages that you just accept because they have been implanted into your beliefs. At a whimsical level it might be as daft as eating your crusts will give you curly hair.
.
Isn't that true then "
Of course it is. My hair is curlier than an old style Curly Wurly.
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Coming out of an abusive relationship with no self esteem, self confidence or self worth. I felt so undesirable and undeserving of anything. No love, no desire and no happiness.
Thankfully I grew from that low time, and although it took years I couldn't be happier x |
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"Another thread had me thinking about the ways we take on an often false belief about ourself based on the messages we get from others.
I know how much this had affected my life, and when I'm in the depths of depression how much these messages jump to the fore.
What false messages have you battled?
Mine are all subconscious and primal, but I know there are some there lol.
I honestly think the unconditional love of a good man in my teenage years saved me.
I think my childhood damage was compounded by the violent, conditional "love" of a damaged man in my teenage years. His mother helped to augment the message that I should never get fat if I wanted to keep a man.
Ouch, yes, that's not good. It seems the greatest damage is done before people are 6 yrs old, and we are often totally oblivious of the nature of it, but I do think our early sexual/romantic relationships are very 'shaping' of the psyche too. "
Getting the messages as we form our ability to think and recognise ourselves will shape us.
My mother told me I was the ugliest child she'd ever seen. My grandmother used to call me the coolie gal as I was born too dark. That's just two bits of a lot of things going on for a toddler.
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"Couldn't give a damn what people think of us, we are not going to change to suit anyone else, so as the saying goes...'loved by some and hated by others' seems to be about right.
That's great. This is more about the messages that you just accept because they have been implanted into your beliefs. At a whimsical level it might be as daft as eating your crusts will give you curly hair.
"
What I find fascinating is the interpretation we as children put onto the 'messages' our parents give us, messages that consist of ALL their behaviour as well as the words they say. So something as arbitrary as parents fighting or not being affectionate can get translated in a childs mind as 'I am bad' and you end up with an adult with triggers that he has no idea of the origin of.
I was reading one interesting book recently that categorised our responses to those internal triggers into four types of behaviour - Fight, Flight, Fawn and Freeze.
It's fun playing 'spot the 'F' on fabs forums!! |
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"I've found myself struggling with this so much lately. It's like there's a huge collision between what I see and feel and what others tell me. Messages tell me one thing. My mind tells me something different. I get this overwhelming sense of self-loathing. I hit the self-destruct button and push people away who I think are too good for me, which then makes me feel even worse. I know it's totally irrational and I'm fighting it but it still can well up out of nowhere from time to time. It scares me."
It's good that you recognise it is happening. Keep talking and get some help. I know that slope and it gets really slippery and hard to climb back up if you leave it too long.
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"Coming out of an abusive relationship with no self esteem, self confidence or self worth. I felt so undesirable and undeserving of anything. No love, no desire and no happiness.
Thankfully I grew from that low time, and although it took years I couldn't be happier x"
|
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"Couldn't give a damn what people think of us, we are not going to change to suit anyone else, so as the saying goes...'loved by some and hated by others' seems to be about right.
That's great. This is more about the messages that you just accept because they have been implanted into your beliefs. At a whimsical level it might be as daft as eating your crusts will give you curly hair.
What I find fascinating is the interpretation we as children put onto the 'messages' our parents give us, messages that consist of ALL their behaviour as well as the words they say. So something as arbitrary as parents fighting or not being affectionate can get translated in a childs mind as 'I am bad' and you end up with an adult with triggers that he has no idea of the origin of.
I was reading one interesting book recently that categorised our responses to those internal triggers into four types of behaviour - Fight, Flight, Fawn and Freeze.
It's fun playing 'spot the 'F' on fabs forums!! "
Can we assign an emoticon to these?
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For anyone who has suffered an abusive relationship and the smashing of identity that causes, I recommend reading 'Stalking the Soul: Emotional Abuse and the Erosion of Identity by Marie-France Hirigoyen' |
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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in North Norfolk |
I'm still battling mine.
One of mine is the automatic thought when I'm rejected, or someone interesting looks and passes by, is that I'm too fat to be attractive.
However, that's easily dismissed at the moment because I'm in a good place.
I know some guys think it's because they are unattractive/too old/too young/too married, or whatever their internal voice tells them, when they are turned down or overlooked. However, I know there are numerous reasons I decline to meet guys and some are nothing to do with age or looks.
It stands to reason then that there are lots of factors that could be involved in someone not wanting to meet me. That helps me shrug because I'm not right for them for whatever reason and move on.
Some of the people who haughtily declare, repeatedly, how their self worth is rock solid and unshakeable by others may be, I believe, protesting just a little too much.
Most of us have insecurities of one type or another, to some extent, as well as areas in which we're extremely confident and self assured.
I'm absolutely certain, for example, of my academic ability and intelligence but less confident in my attractiveness. I know that others, who may be completely confident in their physical appearance, may feel lacking in other ways.
On here physical appearance tends to be judged by many over all else, which screws the balance, but it's important to maintain perspective and recognise our own individual strengths. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Couldn't give a damn what people think of us, we are not going to change to suit anyone else, so as the saying goes...'loved by some and hated by others' seems to be about right.
That's great. This is more about the messages that you just accept because they have been implanted into your beliefs. At a whimsical level it might be as daft as eating your crusts will give you curly hair.
.
Isn't that true then
Of course it is. My hair is curlier than an old style Curly Wurly.
"
.
So is mine but that's mainly because I'm a lazy bastard and I hardly ever brush it!.... Does that make me sound slobbish |
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"I'm still battling mine.
One of mine is the automatic thought when I'm rejected, or someone interesting looks and passes by, is that I'm too fat to be attractive.
However, that's easily dismissed at the moment because I'm in a good place.
I know some guys think it's because they are unattractive/too old/too young/too married, or whatever their internal voice tells them, when they are turned down or overlooked. However, I know there are numerous reasons I decline to meet guys and some are nothing to do with age or looks.
It stands to reason then that there are lots of factors that could be involved in someone not wanting to meet me. That helps me shrug because I'm not right for them for whatever reason and move on.
Some of the people who haughtily declare, repeatedly, how their self worth is rock solid and unshakeable by others may be, I believe, protesting just a little too much.
Most of us have insecurities of one type or another, to some extent, as well as areas in which we're extremely confident and self assured.
I'm absolutely certain, for example, of my academic ability and intelligence but less confident in my attractiveness. I know that others, who may be completely confident in their physical appearance, may feel lacking in other ways.
On here physical appearance tends to be judged by many over all else, which screws the balance, but it's important to maintain perspective and recognise our own individual strengths."
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
Right! I have a silly implanted belief about work nagging at me now so I have return to the desk and get on with it.
Please continue to post and be kind to each other in my absence. I know threads can take on a life of their own when not curated. I look forward to reading your posts after work.
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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in North Norfolk |
"I've found myself struggling with this so much lately. It's like there's a huge collision between what I see and feel and what others tell me. Messages tell me one thing. My mind tells me something different. I get this overwhelming sense of self-loathing. I hit the self-destruct button and push people away who I think are too good for me, which then makes me feel even worse. I know it's totally irrational and I'm fighting it but it still can well up out of nowhere from time to time. It scares me."
I know how you feel. I also know this won't help because you need to find your content place inside yourself but having met you, I can tell you you're a lovely person who should have a far higher opinion of himself.
That's said absolutely genuinely. |
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This is apropos.
When I was a kid I did a spell in remedial school and last night I found the report - a couple of sentences - that put me there. This is what it said:
.
[Joe] demands a lot of your time and attention. He thinks that he only has to say 'excuse me' and you will ignore others to give your full attention to him. He [word unclear] but gets very embarrassed if attention is drawn to him. He puts little into his work and I feel he could achieve more if he tried just a little harder and did as asked."
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"This is apropos.
When I was a kid I did a spell in remedial school and last night I found the report - a couple of sentences - that put me there. This is what it said:
.
[Joe] demands a lot of your time and attention. He thinks that he only has to say 'excuse me' and you will ignore others to give your full attention to him. He [word unclear] but gets very embarrassed if attention is drawn to him. He puts little into his work and I feel he could achieve more if he tried just a little harder and did as asked."
"
.
That's proper teaching...
I'd have given you the cane just for putting your hand up  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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That everything is my fault and I'm a horrible heartless person (among other things).
I did a thread about it a couple of years ago and the lovely forumites made me feel differently, which I am forever grateful for. |
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"I've found myself struggling with this so much lately. It's like there's a huge collision between what I see and feel and what others tell me. Messages tell me one thing. My mind tells me something different. I get this overwhelming sense of self-loathing. I hit the self-destruct button and push people away who I think are too good for me, which then makes me feel even worse. I know it's totally irrational and I'm fighting it but it still can well up out of nowhere from time to time. It scares me.
I know how you feel. I also know this won't help because you need to find your content place inside yourself but having met you, I can tell you you're a lovely person who should have a far higher opinion of himself.
That's said absolutely genuinely."
Thank you xx Thankfully I'm feeling a little better today. I've been doing well of late looking for that 'content place inside' as you put it, but this particular episode crept upon me when I wasn't expecting it. I can be my own worst enemy at times. |
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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in North Norfolk |
"I've found myself struggling with this so much lately. It's like there's a huge collision between what I see and feel and what others tell me. Messages tell me one thing. My mind tells me something different. I get this overwhelming sense of self-loathing. I hit the self-destruct button and push people away who I think are too good for me, which then makes me feel even worse. I know it's totally irrational and I'm fighting it but it still can well up out of nowhere from time to time. It scares me.
I know how you feel. I also know this won't help because you need to find your content place inside yourself but having met you, I can tell you you're a lovely person who should have a far higher opinion of himself.
That's said absolutely genuinely.
Thank you xx Thankfully I'm feeling a little better today. I've been doing well of late looking for that 'content place inside' as you put it, but this particular episode crept upon me when I wasn't expecting it. I can be my own worst enemy at times."
I know that feeling too.
You are who you are. You're a nice person. Let other people like it or lump it. |
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By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago
in the suffolk countryside |
my mother used to call me stupid and pathetic growing up..not what i used to do was in her opinion stupid, but it was projected at my being..
i took a mensa test as a teen and shoved it under her nose
i upset her by taking back my power and becoming someone who could make her turn purple with frustration..
not a nice way of dealing with it..noone is perfect, not everyone has to agree with you, some people want you to follow them because that would mean it makes then feel more secure. i didnt realise until alot later on in my life that i have a very powerful presence when i assert myself..my mother isnt a powerful person in her own right..i probably scared her. i can scare people i believe now she was being defensive...i dont believe what anyone says about me really..i am not used to praise and my cousins were allowed to call me ugly and other names while i was young...i came to the same conclusion these people were not loving people....i accept things as other peoples perception, i dont have to take it on board..i dont think i did then, i was a strong character..i didnt understand the need for it though...i feel the only effect is that it makes me quite self contained and i dont reach out to people in terms of asking for things or asking for support..i still find that difficult x |
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By *imiUKMan
over a year ago
Hereford |
"Jesus!
Where do you want me to start?!
I was thinking about a thread entitled "Post your misconceptions about DiamondJoe here" but deemed it too self-referential.
:/"
....But enough about me.....What do you think about me? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I have a story...like we all have. Not sure I'll get over it but I'm moving forward & have to also thanks so many lovely people on these forums who really help me every day x |
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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in North Norfolk |
"Jesus!
Where do you want me to start?!
I was thinking about a thread entitled "Post your misconceptions about DiamondJoe here" but deemed it too self-referential.
:/
....But enough about me.....What do you think about me? "
Well now you ask...
|
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"Jesus!
Where do you want me to start?!
I was thinking about a thread entitled "Post your misconceptions about DiamondJoe here" but deemed it too self-referential.
:/
....But enough about me.....What do you think about me?
Well now you ask...
"
Monkey knife fight for his body? |
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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in North Norfolk |
"I have a story...like we all have. Not sure I'll get over it but I'm moving forward & have to also thanks so many lovely people on these forums who really help me every day x"
Your story is ongoing though. It's not something you have to get over, just take somewhere better. You're moving forward and that's a good start. |
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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in North Norfolk |
"Jesus!
Where do you want me to start?!
I was thinking about a thread entitled "Post your misconceptions about DiamondJoe here" but deemed it too self-referential.
:/
....But enough about me.....What do you think about me?
Well now you ask...
Monkey knife fight for his body? "
I think he'd rather yours than mine and he's straight!
But yeah, the knife fight sounds fun. Bring it on. |
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Constantly being called fat by my father and having an extremely slim sister killed my vision of what I was. I only saw and still only see fat and apologise for being so.
Having a non tactile emotionally retarded patents who argued constantly has made me yearn for real love but when shown any, push it away. Not sure how to deal with it.
Ok I wanna cry now  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
that i'm a selfish bitch. my dad used to call me that quite a lot.
i've given up loads for others so eventually i just fucked him off outta my life and been a lot happier since then. i'm allowed to be selfish sometimes, especially if it's not hurting anyone. |
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By *ENDAROOSCouple
over a year ago
South West London / Surrey |
I was bullied terribly all through senior school about my weight, looks, well pretty much everything. I went to all girls school and it was vicious.
When I was at home, I had my brother to contend with. He actually made me more self conscious and paranoid about myself than the girls at school, ever did. He was only ever joking, according to him.
 He hasnt changed with age, I decided just over 2 years ago that I no longer wanted him in my life and have cut him out completely. One of the best decisions I've ever made!
It all had a huge impact on my confidence and self esteem.
It has taken me all these years (with Mr B's help) to brush most of it off. I'll still get the occasional wobble but I've learnt what/things to avoid that are certain to start me off.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Wow. I've had a few messages that made me stop and think. Made me question my life. Certainly made me think weather being on here is for the best, or have I set my self up for more misery.
Lucky for me my own mind has much more agreeable answers than the judgement handed out from strangers who I will never get to meet.
Only I can be myself. (I should have posted that on philosophy thread |
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There must be some that have slipped through the net, as I dispute consciously any nonsense.
I sense I'm not particularly sociable, either if I'm semi-ranting, on a high horse or my opinions are a little too forcibly expressed - so I may have picked something up that says it's fine to be a little demure but hard. I'm often on when tired or busy and need a break, so it's a place of 'rest'
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I haven't exactly battled them more ignored them but I've often been told "you'll get yourself in trouble" due to being friendly with men and women in exactly the same way. It has also been implied that I'm too flippant and don't take things seriously enough.
Tough I say, if you don't like how I am the door's that a way.
It's interesting that we're more likely to assume that uncomplimentary opinions about us are true rather than complimentary. |
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Being bullied in school had a long lasting impact on my self image which stretched inti my adult life. You carry the rank you were given until you finally reinvent yourself.
It doesn't help when you stand out from the crowd. I went from 5 foot ten to 6 foot 6 in 18 months (still have the stretch marks on my back) but stayed almost staying the same weight.
You try blending into the back ground when you are that tall and about ten and a half stone!
And this is when you realise that the world is suspicious and derisive to those that are in any way different.
I'm in proportion now at 18 stone and I'm very nearly fixed. I almost don't give a fuck how people see me.
Yet if I see someone paying too much attention to me I still assume in the first moment that it's negative.
Head fucks can be hard to undo.
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"Constantly being called fat by my father and having an extremely slim sister killed my vision of what I was. I only saw and still only see fat and apologise for being so.
Having a non tactile emotionally retarded patents who argued constantly has made me yearn for real love but when shown any, push it away. Not sure how to deal with it.
Ok I wanna cry now "
Sorry to hear that but sometimes a cry is the release we need.
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"I haven't exactly battled them more ignored them but I've often been told "you'll get yourself in trouble" due to being friendly with men and women in exactly the same way. It has also been implied that I'm too flippant and don't take things seriously enough.
Tough I say, if you don't like how I am the door's that a way.
It's interesting that we're more likely to assume that uncomplimentary opinions about us are true rather than complimentary."
So true. You can have 9 compliments and one criticism and concentrate on the 1 rather than the 9.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"my mother used to call me stupid and pathetic growing up..not what i used to do was in her opinion stupid, but it was projected at my being..
i took a mensa test as a teen and shoved it under her nose
i upset her by taking back my power and becoming someone who could make her turn purple with frustration..
not a nice way of dealing with it..noone is perfect, not everyone has to agree with you, some people want you to follow them because that would mean it makes then feel more secure. i didnt realise until alot later on in my life that i have a very powerful presence when i assert myself..my mother isnt a powerful person in her own right..i probably scared her. i can scare people i believe now she was being defensive...i dont believe what anyone says about me really..i am not used to praise and my cousins were allowed to call me ugly and other names while i was young...i came to the same conclusion these people were not loving people....i accept things as other peoples perception, i dont have to take it on board..i dont think i did then, i was a strong character..i didnt understand the need for it though...i feel the only effect is that it makes me quite self contained and i dont reach out to people in terms of asking for things or asking for support..i still find that difficult x"
This makes sense to me. Especially this: "i accept things as other peoples perception, i dont have to take it on board.." x
I think we are all much stronger than we give ourselves credit for. I mean everyone that's posted on this thread. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've found myself struggling with this so much lately. It's like there's a huge collision between what I see and feel and what others tell me. Messages tell me one thing. My mind tells me something different. I get this overwhelming sense of self-loathing. I hit the self-destruct button and push people away who I think are too good for me, which then makes me feel even worse. I know it's totally irrational and I'm fighting it but it still can well up out of nowhere from time to time. It scares me."
This was very much me until hubby came along and no matter how hard I tried, I just could not get rid of him! |
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"I haven't exactly battled them more ignored them but I've often been told "you'll get yourself in trouble" due to being friendly with men and women in exactly the same way. It has also been implied that I'm too flippant and don't take things seriously enough.
Tough I say, if you don't like how I am the door's that a way.
It's interesting that we're more likely to assume that uncomplimentary opinions about us are true rather than complimentary.
So true. You can have 9 compliments and one criticism and concentrate on the 1 rather than the 9.
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I personally don't do that, I might have as a younger woman but I don't ever recall serious self doubt. I wonder if it's nature or nurture I do tend to avoid people who enjoy pointing out what they see as flaws and I'm genuinely not that bothered what people I either don't know or whose opinion I don't respect think of me. Having said that I am my own harshest critic and can recognise when a criticism is valid.
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By *ucyfur77Woman
over a year ago
Pleasuretown |
"I've found myself struggling with this so much lately. It's like there's a huge collision between what I see and feel and what others tell me. Messages tell me one thing. My mind tells me something different. I get this overwhelming sense of self-loathing. I hit the self-destruct button and push people away who I think are too good for me, which then makes me feel even worse. I know it's totally irrational and I'm fighting it but it still can well up out of nowhere from time to time. It scares me."
Can totally empathise with this, I could have written it myself.
There will be better times
You are not alone x |
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By *igeiaWoman
over a year ago
Bristol |
"Another thread had me thinking about the ways we take on an often false belief about ourself based on the messages we get from others.
I know how much this had affected my life, and when I'm in the depths of depression how much these messages jump to the fore.
What false messages have you battled?
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That I am the clever one but never the pretty one or the one people like to be around. Things so ingrained are hard to shake off, even when rational thought tells me otherwise. Cognitive dissonance, anyone? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm lucky enough to have received nothing but complimentary messages on here. Not a single negative one so far . Don't worry though, this does not mean my EGO! is through the roof . |
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