FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Any advice?
Any advice?
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I would suggest that you don't think about what men would like & start thinking about what you would like to see smiling back at you when you look in the mirror.
Take some time out to get yourself back on an even keel.
From what I can see picture wise, you're looking pretty good already x | |||
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"I am 1 year celibate I used to be very confident sexually but now as its been so long I'm really self conscious. My last relationship ended bad and that plays a lot on why I'm like this he would call me really bad names, as when we met I was running an training a lot (approx 24 miles a week ) unfortunately I got injured just after we met and my morale was low! put weight on and obviously in any new relationship you eat out and become a bit lost. Now I look at myself and can't get them words out of my head even though I'm only a size 12 (14) up top as I've always had big boobs/back. But my question is how the fook after a year can I get my confidence back , I feel like every man will be repulsed by me ? " looking at your profile and what you have just posted on here, I would say that its 2 different people....on there you seem so confident and know exactly what you want and on here you don't ... confused.com  | |||
"Thank you, I do agree the longer it's gone on month by month I'm more conscious of being naked more than anything It's weird as I've discovered myself more the past year about my desire and need for a sub/Dom dynamic yet I'm sooo bothered about how I look body wise "How we see ourselves and how others see us are different things. Have a look at Body Gossip and Natasha Devon for some tips on finding ways to love your body again. | |||
"I am 1 year celibate I used to be very confident sexually but now as its been so long I'm really self conscious. My last relationship ended bad and that plays a lot on why I'm like this he would call me really bad names, as when we met I was running an training a lot (approx 24 miles a week ) unfortunately I got injured just after we met and my morale was low! put weight on and obviously in any new relationship you eat out and become a bit lost. Now I look at myself and can't get them words out of my head even though I'm only a size 12 (14) up top as I've always had big boobs/back. But my question is how the fook after a year can I get my confidence back , I feel like every man will be repulsed by me ? looking at your profile and what you have just posted on here, I would say that its 2 different people....on there you seem so confident and know exactly what you want and on here you don't ... confused.com "Exactly!! That's what I mean !! | |||
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"I am 1 year celibate I used to be very confident sexually but now as its been so long I'm really self conscious. My last relationship ended bad and that plays a lot on why I'm like this he would call me really bad names, as when we met I was running an training a lot (approx 24 miles a week ) unfortunately I got injured just after we met and my morale was low! put weight on and obviously in any new relationship you eat out and become a bit lost. Now I look at myself and can't get them words out of my head even though I'm only a size 12 (14) up top as I've always had big boobs/back. But my question is how the fook after a year can I get my confidence back , I feel like every man will be repulsed by me ? looking at your profile and what you have just posted on here, I would say that its 2 different people....on there you seem so confident and know exactly what you want and on here you don't ... confused.com
Exactly!! That's what I mean !!"but if you really feel how you feel on here then ditch the profile and the pics and start again with something a bit more realistic for you | |||
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"I am 1 year celibate I used to be very confident sexually but now as its been so long I'm really self conscious. My last relationship ended bad and that plays a lot on why I'm like this he would call me really bad names, as when we met I was running an training a lot (approx 24 miles a week ) unfortunately I got injured just after we met and my morale was low! put weight on and obviously in any new relationship you eat out and become a bit lost. Now I look at myself and can't get them words out of my head even though I'm only a size 12 (14) up top as I've always had big boobs/back. But my question is how the fook after a year can I get my confidence back , I feel like every man will be repulsed by me ? looking at your profile and what you have just posted on here, I would say that its 2 different people....on there you seem so confident and know exactly what you want and on here you don't ... confused.com
Exactly!! That's what I mean !!
but if you really feel how you feel on here then ditch the profile and the pics and start again with something a bit more realistic for you" | |||
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"I am 1 year celibate I used to be very confident sexually but now as its been so long I'm really self conscious. My last relationship ended bad and that plays a lot on why I'm like this he would call me really bad names, as when we met I was running an training a lot (approx 24 miles a week ) unfortunately I got injured just after we met and my morale was low! put weight on and obviously in any new relationship you eat out and become a bit lost. Now I look at myself and can't get them words out of my head even though I'm only a size 12 (14) up top as I've always had big boobs/back. But my question is how the fook after a year can I get my confidence back , I feel like every man will be repulsed by me ? looking at your profile and what you have just posted on here, I would say that its 2 different people....on there you seem so confident and know exactly what you want and on here you don't ... confused.com
Exactly!! That's what I mean !!
but if you really feel how you feel on here then ditch the profile and the pics and start again with something a bit more realistic for you"Sorry you feel this way and say that I should ditch my pics and profile !! If you've ever been in a position of domestic abuse for years I apologise for the below I am a strong independent woman on my own bringing my children up I'm fully aware of my sexuality and am in a position of self discovery. I know from councilling that my self image is in my head not reality So should I post pictures and profile myself of what I think I know I am or what I think i am? | |||
"OP I went 5 years without sex in my long term relationship. Then another before someone put me on Fab. Then about another year to realise that my ex was incorrect about how horrible I am and that I'm ok and I like sex and get sex even though I have a crap figure. The problem will have been his not yours so enjoy fab and stop worrying about what he said. If another guy says anything similar it's a red flag that he's a jerk too. Good luck " Sound advice from Kinky-minx....
Hope tea party went well  x | |||
"OP I went 5 years without sex in my long term relationship. Then another before someone put me on Fab. Then about another year to realise that my ex was incorrect about how horrible I am and that I'm ok and I like sex and get sex even though I have a crap figure. The problem will have been his not yours so enjoy fab and stop worrying about what he said. If another guy says anything similar it's a red flag that he's a jerk too. Good luck " Sound advice from Kinky-minx....
Hope tea party went well x | |||
"Take baby steps until YOU are happy with YOU. What others think is of no consequence if you're not happy with what you see in yourself. But very importantly, if there are things you can't change, accept them and love them anyway "You really are super smart | |||
"Going to sound odd, what do you wan?t" Just advice really how to get over domestic abuse, and the thought that go through your head after being told your 'this' 'that' for so long | |||
"Take baby steps until YOU are happy with YOU. What others think is of no consequence if you're not happy with what you see in yourself. But very importantly, if there are things you can't change, accept them and love them anyway
You really are super smart "Thankyou so much for them kind words. Not many understand x | |||
"Going to sound odd, what do you wan?t Just advice really how to get over domestic abuse, and the thought that go through your head after being told your 'this' 'that' for so long " Have you done the Freedom programme? PM me if you want some information. | |||
"Going to sound odd, what do you wan?t Just advice really how to get over domestic abuse, and the thought that go through your head after being told your 'this' 'that' for so long Have you done the Freedom programme? PM me if you want some information. " Yes I done that it was good. Thank you. I'm in CBT councilling at the min. Xx it's helping. Thank you for asking | |||
"Going to sound odd, what do you wan?t Just advice really how to get over domestic abuse, and the thought that go through your head after being told your 'this' 'that' for so long Have you done the Freedom programme? PM me if you want some information. " I also volunteer with people escaping from domestic abuse so I do understand. You're stronger than you can imagine possible | |||
"Going to sound odd, what do you wan?t Just advice really how to get over domestic abuse, and the thought that go through your head after being told your 'this' 'that' for so long Have you done the Freedom programme? PM me if you want some information. Yes I done that it was good. Thank you. I'm in CBT councilling at the min. Xx it's helping. Thank you for asking " I hope it helps. Go back to some of the lessons on the Freedom programme as a reminder when you are feeling that his voice is still the one you are hearing. | |||
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"Going to sound odd, what do you wan?t Just advice really how to get over domestic abuse, and the thought that go through your head after being told your 'this' 'that' for so long Have you done the Freedom programme? PM me if you want some information. I also volunteer with people escaping from domestic abuse so I do understand. You're stronger than you can imagine possible "Thank you for that. I'm getting there, I'm strong , been in a bad place but haven't we all. Things are tough at times but hey, we need to rise above and be strong. **jazz hands** | |||
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"OP - Abusers will abuse to maintain control over someone, most of them are insecure and awkward. They belittle to destroy self confidence and to make sure "you are lucky to be with them". In fact the truth is just the opposite they are so insecure they are scared of losing you. Remember you life is your own, you are in control, people who knock you are driven by their own insecurities prejudices and ignorance. Men love curvy women, be empowered and love your life. Matt "Thank you , I hear this but it's going in slowly , I'll get there x | |||
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"OP - Abusers will abuse to maintain control over someone, most of them are insecure and awkward. They belittle to destroy self confidence and to make sure "you are lucky to be with them". In fact the truth is just the opposite they are so insecure they are scared of losing you. Remember you life is your own, you are in control, people who knock you are driven by their own insecurities prejudices and ignorance. Men love curvy women, be empowered and love your life. Matt "Thank you, I do appreciate everyone's understanding. It does help to talk with people who have experience on the inside and not just looking in, if you get me x | |||
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"I am 1 year celibate I used to be very confident sexually but now as its been so long I'm really self conscious. My last relationship ended bad and that plays a lot on why I'm like this he would call me really bad names, as when we met I was running an training a lot (approx 24 miles a week ) unfortunately I got injured just after we met and my morale was low! put weight on and obviously in any new relationship you eat out and become a bit lost. Now I look at myself and can't get them words out of my head even though I'm only a size 12 (14) up top as I've always had big boobs/back. But my question is how the fook after a year can I get my confidence back , I feel like every man will be repulsed by me ? looking at your profile and what you have just posted on here, I would say that its 2 different people....on there you seem so confident and know exactly what you want and on here you don't ... confused.com
Exactly!! That's what I mean !!
but if you really feel how you feel on here then ditch the profile and the pics and start again with something a bit more realistic for you
Sorry you feel this way and say that I should ditch my pics and profile !! If you've ever been in a position of domestic abuse for years I apologise for the below
I am a strong independent woman on my own bringing my children up I'm fully aware of my sexuality and am in a position of self discovery. I know from councilling that my self image is in my head not reality
So should I post pictures and profile myself of what I think I know I am or what I think i am? "Hmm. This site might not be the best place for you in all honesty. Especially if self worth is at least partly based on value via confidence in your looks. But then again, maybe not. | |||
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"Apologies in advance for the essay, but.... I'm a size 24, before I had health problems I was a 10 unless you counted the boobs, which defied gravity and were quite frankly marvellous, so I get how it can be difficult to cope with sudden body changes. I have several operations a year and scars that make it look like I shave with a lawnmower - blindfolded. I'm no one's definition of a classical beauty, but I've never had problems finding people to fuck or date, never. The trick is, I like me, and I refuse to waste my life trying to get those who don't like me to change their minds. I'm not everyone's cup of tea, and I'm okay with that. By staying away from people who aren't into what I have to offer and instead spending my time and energy on those who are, I'm backed up in my belief that I'm attractive, despite not being model material I am attractive - as it turns out to lots of people. I have a couple of thoughts for you to consider, and hopefully they may help realign some of your crazy thinking, because I'm sorry for what you've been through, but it is crazy for a stunning young woman like yourself to be thinking like this, and clearly you are starting to recognise it Think about all of the people you've ever fancied, did they have any imperfections, at all? Yet you still fancied them. We all go for very different things, and that's cool, that's evolution at work, survival of the species in creating lots of different versions of us wonderful human beings. You can't control who fancies you, it's not your place to, all you need to worry about is who you fancy, and when you get a match set it alight! We spend most of our lives living by the golden rule - treat others as you would like to be treated. When was the last time you actually treated yourself like this? When were you as kind, forgiving, appreciative, complimentary to yourself as you are to others? You're a human being too, time to remember that and treat yourself nicely too! XxX" Thankyou and yes I understand fully. Im kinda pansexual , sapiosexual , all rolled into one. I don't take obvious gratorious looks as a whole , if you get me. As I've grew older and wiser (I hope ha ) attraction is important but I'm in no means materialistic or stuck on image ,,, x | |||
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"It will take more than what anyone says on here to get your confidence back. I don't think you ever truly do after your told things over and over you start to believe them. You learn to deal with things tho and slowly get back to yourself....but will always have that doubt when people say your attractive or anything nice in general. Even tho it will never go away...it will however make you stronger and a better person for it. Good luck with everything. Men can be fuckin arseholes.... don't let it ruin your life....enjoy it x" Thank you for this ,, it's hard for anyone to understand, but you do , X | |||
"It will take more than what anyone says on here to get your confidence back. I don't think you ever truly do after your told things over and over you start to believe them. You learn to deal with things tho and slowly get back to yourself....but will always have that doubt when people say your attractive or anything nice in general. Even tho it will never go away...it will however make you stronger and a better person for it. Good luck with everything. Men can be fuckin arseholes.... don't let it ruin your life....enjoy it x Thank you for this ,, it's hard for anyone to understand, but you do , X " Yeah unless they have went through it they won't have a fucking clue lol I was as quiet as a mouse at one point...now I would face Goliath lol good luck chick. Mrs A x | |||
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"It will take more than what anyone says on here to get your confidence back. I don't think you ever truly do after your told things over and over you start to believe them. You learn to deal with things tho and slowly get back to yourself....but will always have that doubt when people say your attractive or anything nice in general. Even tho it will never go away...it will however make you stronger and a better person for it. Good luck with everything. Men can be fuckin arseholes.... don't let it ruin your life....enjoy it x Thank you for this ,, it's hard for anyone to understand, but you do , X Yeah unless they have went through it they won't have a fucking clue lol I was as quiet as a mouse at one point...now I would face Goliath lol good luck chick. Mrs A x" Thankyou ,, xx | |||
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"Apologies in advance for the essay, but.... I'm a size 24, before I had health problems I was a 10 unless you counted the boobs, which defied gravity and were quite frankly marvellous, so I get how it can be difficult to cope with sudden body changes. I have several operations a year and scars that make it look like I shave with a lawnmower - blindfolded. I'm no one's definition of a classical beauty, but I've never had problems finding people to fuck or date, never. The trick is, I like me, and I refuse to waste my life trying to get those who don't like me to change their minds. I'm not everyone's cup of tea, and I'm okay with that. By staying away from people who aren't into what I have to offer and instead spending my time and energy on those who are, I'm backed up in my belief that I'm attractive, despite not being model material I am attractive - as it turns out to lots of people. I have a couple of thoughts for you to consider, and hopefully they may help realign some of your crazy thinking, because I'm sorry for what you've been through, but it is crazy for a stunning young woman like yourself to be thinking like this, and clearly you are starting to recognise it Think about all of the people you've ever fancied, did they have any imperfections, at all? Yet you still fancied them. We all go for very different things, and that's cool, that's evolution at work, survival of the species in creating lots of different versions of us wonderful human beings. You can't control who fancies you, it's not your place to, all you need to worry about is who you fancy, and when you get a match set it alight! We spend most of our lives living by the golden rule - treat others as you would like to be treated. When was the last time you actually treated yourself like this? When were you as kind, forgiving, appreciative, complimentary to yourself as you are to others? You're a human being too, time to remember that and treat yourself nicely too! XxX"  that! | |||
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Concentrate on you feel for yourself, you need to be comfortable with you for no-ones sake but your own. You don't need a bloke to validate yourself.
If you want a queue of guys to tell you that you look stunning naked I could have a line of a thousand by end of the day but until you believe it it's pointless.
Be happy, be you blokes will be fine with you if you are.
Good luck xx | |||
"There are a great many men that will think you are stunning, from your pictures I have to agree, you're beautiful. However you need to stop focusing on what us shallow blokes think of how you look .
Concentrate on you feel for yourself, you need to be comfortable with you for no-ones sake but your own. You don't need a bloke to validate yourself.
If you want a queue of guys to tell you that you look stunning naked I could have a line of a thousand by end of the day but until you believe it it's pointless.
Be happy, be you blokes will be fine with you if you are.
Good luck xx"Well said | |||
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"I am 1 year celibate I used to be very confident sexually but now as its been so long I'm really self conscious. My last relationship ended bad and that plays a lot on why I'm like this he would call me really bad names, as when we met I was running an training a lot (approx 24 miles a week ) unfortunately I got injured just after we met and my morale was low! put weight on and obviously in any new relationship you eat out and become a bit lost. Now I look at myself and can't get them words out of my head even though I'm only a size 12 (14) up top as I've always had big boobs/back. But my question is how the fook after a year can I get my confidence back , I feel like every man will be repulsed by me ? " It is about building that confindence again. Hard to just throw caution to the wind and get back on that horse (no pun intended). Body conciousness is a touch thing to conquer. We all suffer from something we do not like on our body. It is quite important when you do have sex again, it is with someone where there is trust there. If you had a bad meet it could be disastrous. I would say be open, and honest about this with them. Together you will find that you can build up slowly to what you once were. Happy and sexy. | |||
I'd give you a hug if I could, I've can give a nice hug. | |||
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