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Joke Thread

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By *ockyjohn OP Man over a year ago

North West

Let's lighten up and have a laugh!

I'll start;-

My girlfriend thinks I am a stalker - when I say girlfriend, she doesn't know she is yet!

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By *mojeeCouple over a year ago

Dunfermline

A guy goes on a fishing trip in a small boat and gets caught up in huge storm.

When he waked up he's on a deserted island and everything is a strange reddish browny colour. The sky the sand the sea the trees even his clothes and the birds are this strange reddish brown colour.

Oh no he cries out.....I've been marooned!!!!

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By *olgateMan over a year ago

on the road to nowhere in particular

A joke thread sounds like a great idea, when should we start one?

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By *ockyjohn OP Man over a year ago

North West

"A joke thread sounds like a great idea, when should we start one?"

Your turn!

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By *ockyjohn OP Man over a year ago

North West

I got sacked from my job as a masseur in a ladies health spa - I misunderstood the instruction to finish off on the face

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By *iamondjoeMan over a year ago

Glastonbury

George Osborne

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

two flys on a pussy, which one is on drugs

the one sniffing up the crack xx

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

How can you tell which is the head nurse?

She's the one with the dirty knees ..

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By *ty31Man over a year ago

NW London

The Queen is visiting a new hospital being shown around by the head doctor, they visit the venereal diseases ward. In the first room is a man sat on the edge of the bed wanking furiously.

"This is completely disgusting, one is not amused" exclaims the Queen.

"Ma'am" says the doctor smoothly "this man has a serious problem of excess spunk. He must expel it or risk his testicle exploding from the strain. We must constantly monitor him to make sure his condition does not get any worse"

So the tour continues and they come to another room. Peering thru the windows they see an attractive nurse giving an enthusiastic blow job to a patient.

"Now this really is totally unacceptable what kind of facility do you think you are running" rages the Queen.

"Ma'am" the doctor replies "this gentleman has the exact same problem except that he has BUPA membership"

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By *olgateMan over a year ago

on the road to nowhere in particular

Went to a bloody dreadful pub called 'The Fiddle'.

It was a vile Inn.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I went to a dog zoo yesterday , there was only one dog there.

It was a shih tzu.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

why is Madonna like an ice hockey team ?

both change their pads after 3 periods

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What do you call a gangbang with 100 midgets?

A little get together

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

One for the ladies to all the men on here

"Want to here the joke about my pussy..................doesn't matter, you'll never get it"

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What's 12inch long, hard and full of cum?

A cucumber

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What you call a camel with 3 humps?

Pregnant

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Shall I tell you the one about my penis?

Can't be bothered, it's far too long

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What do you call a cheap circumcision?

A rip off

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Why do they call it PMS?

Because mad cow disease was already taken

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What's green, long and smells like pork?

Kermits finger

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Six letters to ruin a mans ego

Is it in

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What do the mafia and a pussy have in common?

One slip of the tongue and your in shit

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By *olgateMan over a year ago

on the road to nowhere in particular

I'm planning a camping holiday but, I have to say, I'm far from impressed with my travel insurance. It turns out if someone steals my tent in the night, I'll no longer be covered.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What do kfc and a woman have in common?

Bye the time your done with the leg and breast, there is only a greasy box to put your bone in.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

conjunctivitis.com

now there's a site for sore eyes !

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What's the difference between oooohh and aaaahhhhhhh?

About three inches