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You've gotta laugh hey? The crap jokes thread ..
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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So much misery around with events recently. We need some crap jokes to cheer us up 
I was shocked to see a few of the England players taking out their frustration by playing football with a hedgehog .. I was going to call the RSPCA but then the hedgehog went 1-0 up ..
(The old 'uns are the best, hey?)
I'm sure you can do so much better than that .. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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My friend drowned in the local lake recently. At the funeral we made him a wreath in the shape of a life belt.
It's what he would have wanted ..
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I've lost over half a stone on the Adam Ant diet. It's really easy .. Don't chew ever, don't chew ever ..
..
What's the difference between a chick pea and a potato?
You wouldn't pay to have a potato on you..
..
I sold my vacuum cleaner the other day.
All it was doing was gathering dust! |
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Two guys were sat in a pub, one says to the other
" Eh I had one of those Freudian Slips the other day",
the other replies " what are you talking about?".
So matey explains " Me and our lass were stood in the railways station queue and in my mind I wanted to ask for two tickets to Pittsburgh please and when we got to the counter there was this lass with huge knockers and i opened my mouth and out came 'two tits to tittsburgh please'".
His mate then says " Oh one of them, I had one of them at breakfast this morning, in my mind I wanted to ask our lass to
'pass the toast and butter please',
but when i opened my mouth and I actually said
'you fat bastard you've ruined my fucking life'".
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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i was walking through debenhams by perfume aisle when shop assistant said "oh u smell nice is it ,obsession by calvein klein " . I said "no its lynx by.. one get one free" |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Incidentally I've had a crap joke at the bottom of my profile for AGES now in the forlorn hope that someone will actually blow the cobwebs off my inbox and message about it .. shows how often it gets read though dunnit - not one solitary message!
Btw : "look at me!!"  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Two guys were sat in a pub, one says to the other
" Eh I had one of those Freudian Slips the other day",
the other replies " what are you talking about?".
So matey explains " Me and our lass were stood in the railways station queue and in my mind I wanted to ask for two tickets to Pittsburgh please and when we got to the counter there was this lass with huge knockers and i opened my mouth and out came 'two tits to tittsburgh please'".
His mate then says " Oh one of them, I had one of them at breakfast this morning, in my mind I wanted to ask our lass to
'pass the toast and butter please',
but when i opened my mouth and I actually said
'you fat bastard you've ruined my fucking life'".
"
I'm in stitches here!!!
Mr.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"An English man, a Scottish man and an Irish man in a bar.... there is usually a Welsh man too but he's still in France."
No comment 
Good
But no comment |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What do you call a snail with a train on its back........squashed!"
I took the shell off my racing snail thinking "lighter equals faster..."
Just made it sluggish  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"What do you call a snail with a train on its back........squashed!
I took the shell off my racing snail thinking "lighter equals faster..."
Just made it sluggish "
What did the snail say when it jumped on the tortoise's back?
Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! |
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