FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Married and playing without her knowledge
Married and playing without her knowledge
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"Yep that's me!!! Is there a reason why so many people in here are so offended even though I'm honest from the beginning? .... Surely it's me that has more to loose? And ultimately we are all here for one thing ... (Que ferocious backlash... Lol) "We are as offended as the moon is by the baying of the wolves. We wouldn't (deliberately) meet you though  | |||
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"Oh I get that, but my point is that I choose to cheat... Not the ladies I meet on here, I just believe that if I'm honest it allows for playing to be easier... But lots of people seem to take great offence at this... And let's be honest there is a lot of guys, and girls on here who aren't be very honest about their current relationship status x" I'm not personally offended but why are you concerned by the people that are? | |||
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"If you lie to your wife then you are more than capable of lying to anyone... no trust with a liar sorry" We could not have put that any better ourselves! There is a saying... "Show me a liar and I will show you a theif". | |||
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"Oh I get that, but my point is that I choose to cheat... Not the ladies I meet on here, I just believe that if I'm honest it allows for playing to be easier... But lots of people seem to take great offence at this... And let's be honest there is a lot of guys, and girls on here who aren't be very honest about their current relationship status x" Use the Reply & Quote button so we know who you are answering too
It's good to be upfront & advise potential meets that you are attached & then they can make an informed decision to meet or not.
I agree there's a lot that aren't truthful about their current relationship status so that's all the more reason that you are, imo.
You know you can still report any abusive messages regardless of marital status  | |||
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"Lol I can take rejection... Just fed up with people's pretentiousness X " pretentiousness? | |||
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"Oh I get that, but my point is that I choose to cheat... Not the ladies I meet on here, I just believe that if I'm honest it allows for playing to be easier... But lots of people seem to take great offence at this... And let's be honest there is a lot of guys, and girls on here who aren't be very honest about their current relationship status x" When I was single I did like the married men, only if they were honest with me, so I get where you are coming from OP, I guess now I'm not, I can see the otherside of the coin G x | |||
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"Absolutely and everyone has that right... Just tickles me how some people get so uber offended... Yet meet a total strangers for sex who have probably lied their way into that situation anyway! Xx" If i meet a swinging married couple they aren't lying are they ? As others said some will meet you some won't. | |||
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Thats about all I have to contribute | |||
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"Oh I get that, but my point is that I choose to cheat... Not the ladies I meet on here, I just believe that if I'm honest it allows for playing to be easier... But lots of people seem to take great offence at this... And let's be honest there is a lot of guys, and girls on here who aren't be very honest about their current relationship status x Use the Reply & Quote button so we know who you are answering too
It's good to be upfront & advise potential meets that you are attached & then they can make an informed decision to meet or not.
I agree there's a lot that aren't truthful about their current relationship status so that's all the more reason that you are, imo.
You know you can still report any abusive messages regardless of marital status "that's about the long and short of it. | |||
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"Lol I can take rejection... Just fed up with people's pretentiousness X "I don't see how not liking cheats and telling them so can be classified as pretentious. This lifestyle is based on honesty between people not on lies... or am I miss understanding what you think this site is about? FYI the last bit was sarcasm in case you missed it x | |||
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"Oh well.... We'll all just have to agree to disagree!! "Wonders if your wife would agree with you? | |||
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"If you lie to your wife then you are more than capable of lying to anyone... no trust with a liar sorry" | |||
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"Being cheated on is shit , for whatever reason ! Wonder how you would feel if you stumbled across your wife's profile on here ?" I would suggest that most cheats convince themselves that they'd love it but then they read the verifications and then reality strikes! | |||
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"Btw do you have any pictures of your wife? I'm off work thursday" I live locally to them shes fit as and loves a good gang bang apparently her husbands a crap shag  | |||
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"Btw do you have any pictures of your wife? I'm off work thursday I live locally to them shes fit as and loves a good gang bang apparently her husbands a crap shag "Result, have you got the address... fancy going 3s up | |||
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"Yep that's me!!! Is there a reason why so many people in here are so offended even though I'm honest from the beginning? .... Surely it's me that has more to loose? And ultimately we are all here for one thing ... (Que ferocious backlash... Lol) "Why don't you just get on with it?!!
How you choose your partners and use the site is your choice. Afford others the same courtesy, but then why am I surprised you have a sense of entitlement. You married men that start these whiny threads are all cut from the same cloth and spout the same lame phrase "we're all here for the same thing!" Erm...no!
Stick to those who will meet you and leave those in peace who don't want any part of you.
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"I'm not offended. I just wouldn't meet you "Best to be upfront and honest x | |||
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"ultimately we are all here for one thing" We are here for ethical non-monogamy. If she isn't informed and consenting to you playing with others, then it's not ethical. | |||
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"Btw do you have any pictures of your wife? I'm off work thursday I live locally to them shes fit as and loves a good gang bang apparently her husbands a crap shag " | |||
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" my non personal, general, non pointy finger opinion.. who says what, is ethical..who passes judgement on that..you?..wow, who are you....the all seer? i don't pretend to be ethical, im not moral either.i am however non judgemental, inclusive and accepting of other people. no one possesses anyone, or wants to, unless they are insecure about losing it..thats my opinion..i treat people as beings..and those in a sexless marriage ( whatever marriage is these days), not forgetting, 'forsaking all others'..bullshit is out moded.. it takes two to tango.or not..parts of a relationship may work and not other parts. and dont tell me couples dont lie to each other..people lie to themselves all the time...and to each other..your 'truth' is subjective, as is mine, as is the op's. its not real or fixed, its man made, subject to change, alteration, expansion...fluid are you telling me divorce would be better? over nsa sex...such a lot of emphasis on it not meaning anything on here, why the heck should you be bothered by it...? ..people shouldn't have to go without physical affection..that wasnt part of the marriage deal..one broken vow on one side, one broken vow on the other, get over it..its all about a pretentious set of society values, which in one hand you fight with 'swinging' and the next minute you use for your set of projected values...what a load of fantasists.. do what you want op..its your life and you'll be a long time dead..be well and be happy...if you can...x" The most politically correct yet best comment I've ever read in a very long time | |||
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" my non personal, general, non pointy finger opinion.. who says what, is ethical..who passes judgement on that..you?..wow, who are you....the all seer? i don't pretend to be ethical, im not moral either.i am however non judgemental, inclusive and accepting of other people. no one possesses anyone, or wants to, unless they are insecure about losing it..thats my opinion..i treat people as beings..and those in a sexless marriage ( whatever marriage is these days), not forgetting, 'forsaking all others'..bullshit is out moded.. it takes two to tango.or not..parts of a relationship may work and not other parts. and dont tell me couples dont lie to each other..people lie to themselves all the time...and to each other..your 'truth' is subjective, as is mine, as is the op's. its not real or fixed, its man made, subject to change, alteration, expansion...fluid are you telling me divorce would be better? over nsa sex...such a lot of emphasis on it not meaning anything on here, why the heck should you be bothered by it...? ..people shouldn't have to go without physical affection..that wasnt part of the marriage deal..one broken vow on one side, one broken vow on the other, get over it..its all about a pretentious set of society values, which in one hand you fight with 'swinging' and the next minute you use for your set of projected values...what a load of fantasists.. do what you want op..its your life and you'll be a long time dead..be well and be happy...if you can...x" You are quite right we are a long time dead and we all have the right to be happy. I won't argue that at all. But.... lying to your partner about who you are and sleeping around behind there back is fundermently wrong. Put yourself in her shoes should she find out. Lies and deceit are a large factor in what's wrong with this world. And adding to it makes it worst. I would suggest that the op grows a pair and leaves his wife if he wants to continue being here and living this lifestyle or ask his wife to join him here.... | |||
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"Yep that's me!!! Is there a reason why so many people in here are so offended even though I'm honest from the beginning? .... Surely it's me that has more to loose? And ultimately we are all here for one thing ... (Que ferocious backlash... Lol) "no offence intended but for me swinging is (if you have a partner) about both people enjoying the experience I commend thefact u say ur in a relationship but she doesn't know but mate obviously if she doesn't know you or her ain't happy? | |||
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" my non personal, general, non pointy finger opinion.. who says what, is ethical..who passes judgement on that..you?..wow, who are you....the all seer? i don't pretend to be ethical, im not moral either.i am however non judgemental, inclusive and accepting of other people. no one possesses anyone, or wants to, unless they are insecure about losing it..thats my opinion..i treat people as beings..and those in a sexless marriage ( whatever marriage is these days), not forgetting, 'forsaking all others'..bullshit is out moded.. it takes two to tango.or not..parts of a relationship may work and not other parts. and dont tell me couples dont lie to each other..people lie to themselves all the time...and to each other..your 'truth' is subjective, as is mine, as is the op's. its not real or fixed, its man made, subject to change, alteration, expansion...fluid are you telling me divorce would be better? over nsa sex...such a lot of emphasis on it not meaning anything on here, why the heck should you be bothered by it...? ..people shouldn't have to go without physical affection..that wasnt part of the marriage deal..one broken vow on one side, one broken vow on the other, get over it..its all about a pretentious set of society values, which in one hand you fight with 'swinging' and the next minute you use for your set of projected values...what a load of fantasists.. do what you want op..its your life and you'll be a long time dead..be well and be happy...if you can...x You are quite right we are a long time dead and we all have the right to be happy. I won't argue that at all. But.... lying to your partner about who you are and sleeping around behind there back is fundermently wrong. Put yourself in her shoes should she find out. Lies and deceit are a large factor in what's wrong with this world. And adding to it makes it worst. I would suggest that the op grows a pair and leaves his wife if he wants to continue being here and living this lifestyle or ask his wife to join him here...." honestly..i would look at myself and realise i didnt give him what he needed, allow him to express his needs within the relationship, and i wasnt open enough to hear him or support him in his journey in life..but then i am unusual..to feel someone had to lie to me, would be hurtful, but i wouldnt blame him. id look very closely at my own behaviour and expectations of someone i supposedly 'loved'...but then i value peoples freedom to be, more than anything else this lifetime, ive lived and died and lived again...its very short here, no time to be miserable, or suppressed or have regrets..otherwise you are already dead...in 100 years it would all be forgotten..so its actually not that important..the only gift we have is now, and thats for living...again this is how i live and love and laugh...no one can take that away, unless i let them..and i aint gonna do that and neither should anyone of you, in your choices of what makes you a fulfilled person..for some its one thing and for others another...its doesnt have to be everyones cup of tea, but it doesnt have to be derided, sneered at or condemned either x | |||
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" my non personal, general, non pointy finger opinion.. who says what, is ethical..who passes judgement on that..you?..wow, who are you....the all seer? i don't pretend to be ethical, im not moral either.i am however non judgemental, inclusive and accepting of other people. no one possesses anyone, or wants to, unless they are insecure about losing it..thats my opinion..i treat people as beings..and those in a sexless marriage ( whatever marriage is these days), not forgetting, 'forsaking all others'..bullshit is out moded.. it takes two to tango.or not..parts of a relationship may work and not other parts. and dont tell me couples dont lie to each other..people lie to themselves all the time...and to each other..your 'truth' is subjective, as is mine, as is the op's. its not real or fixed, its man made, subject to change, alteration, expansion...fluid are you telling me divorce would be better? over nsa sex...such a lot of emphasis on it not meaning anything on here, why the heck should you be bothered by it...? ..people shouldn't have to go without physical affection..that wasnt part of the marriage deal..one broken vow on one side, one broken vow on the other, get over it..its all about a pretentious set of society values, which in one hand you fight with 'swinging' and the next minute you use for your set of projected values...what a load of fantasists.. do what you want op..its your life and you'll be a long time dead..be well and be happy...if you can...x You are quite right we are a long time dead and we all have the right to be happy. I won't argue that at all. But.... lying to your partner about who you are and sleeping around behind there back is fundermently wrong. Put yourself in her shoes should she find out. Lies and deceit are a large factor in what's wrong with this world. And adding to it makes it worst. I would suggest that the op grows a pair and leaves his wife if he wants to continue being here and living this lifestyle or ask his wife to join him here.... honestly..i would look at myself and realise i didnt give him what he needed, allow him to express his needs within the relationship, and i wasnt open enough to hear him or support him in his journey in life..but then i am unusual..to feel someone had to lie to me, would be hurtful, but i wouldnt blame him. id look very closely at my own behaviour and expectations of someone i supposedly 'loved'...but then i value peoples freedom to be, more than anything else this lifetime, ive lived and died and lived again...its very short here, no time to be miserable, or suppressed or have regrets..otherwise you are already dead...in 100 years it would all be forgotten..so its actually not that important..the only gift we have is now, and thats for living...again this is how i live and love and laugh...no one can take that away, unless i let them..and i aint gonna do that and neither should anyone of you, in your choices of what makes you a fulfilled person..for some its one thing and for others another...its doesnt have to be everyones cup of tea, but it doesnt have to be derided, sneered at or condemned either x" Again I agree with you regarding allowing your partner to live a fulfilled life. The problem is that the partner in this case has no knowledge and is being lied to and cheated on. I fail to see how that can be right. | |||
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" my non personal, general, non pointy finger opinion.. who says what, is ethical..who passes judgement on that..you?..wow, who are you....the all seer? i don't pretend to be ethical, im not moral either.i am however non judgemental, inclusive and accepting of other people. no one possesses anyone, or wants to, unless they are insecure about losing it..thats my opinion..i treat people as beings..and those in a sexless marriage ( whatever marriage is these days), not forgetting, 'forsaking all others'..bullshit is out moded.. it takes two to tango.or not..parts of a relationship may work and not other parts. and dont tell me couples dont lie to each other..people lie to themselves all the time...and to each other..your 'truth' is subjective, as is mine, as is the op's. its not real or fixed, its man made, subject to change, alteration, expansion...fluid are you telling me divorce would be better? over nsa sex...such a lot of emphasis on it not meaning anything on here, why the heck should you be bothered by it...? ..people shouldn't have to go without physical affection..that wasnt part of the marriage deal..one broken vow on one side, one broken vow on the other, get over it..its all about a pretentious set of society values, which in one hand you fight with 'swinging' and the next minute you use for your set of projected values...what a load of fantasists.. do what you want op..its your life and you'll be a long time dead..be well and be happy...if you can...x You are quite right we are a long time dead and we all have the right to be happy. I won't argue that at all. But.... lying to your partner about who you are and sleeping around behind there back is fundermently wrong. Put yourself in her shoes should she find out. Lies and deceit are a large factor in what's wrong with this world. And adding to it makes it worst. I would suggest that the op grows a pair and leaves his wife if he wants to continue being here and living this lifestyle or ask his wife to join him here.... honestly..i would look at myself and realise i didnt give him what he needed, allow him to express his needs within the relationship, and i wasnt open enough to hear him or support him in his journey in life..but then i am unusual..to feel someone had to lie to me, would be hurtful, but i wouldnt blame him. id look very closely at my own behaviour and expectations of someone i supposedly 'loved'...but then i value peoples freedom to be, more than anything else this lifetime, ive lived and died and lived again...its very short here, no time to be miserable, or suppressed or have regrets..otherwise you are already dead...in 100 years it would all be forgotten..so its actually not that important..the only gift we have is now, and thats for living...again this is how i live and love and laugh...no one can take that away, unless i let them..and i aint gonna do that and neither should anyone of you, in your choices of what makes you a fulfilled person..for some its one thing and for others another...its doesnt have to be everyones cup of tea, but it doesnt have to be derided, sneered at or condemned either x Again I agree with you regarding allowing your partner to live a fulfilled life. The problem is that the partner in this case has no knowledge and is being lied to and cheated on. I fail to see how that can be right." its not right or wrong..it is what it is right now...this isnt your life this is his life, no one owns him, he and he alone will live with himself every day..thats not for someone else to tell him how he should feel about that...that's not anyone's business but his...noone has asked for his reasons, his emotions, his being and what it needs, wants..its just a form of cyber bullying built on what an institution that fails a high percentage who enter into it..yeah he entered into it..he doesnt want to leave it..so what? its not for others to set the standards on his relationships, thats for him to work out on his own..hes a man, not a little boy and you all sound like his god damned mother... | |||
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Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
" my non personal, general, non pointy finger opinion.. who says what, is ethical..who passes judgement on that..you?..wow, who are you....the all seer? i don't pretend to be ethical, im not moral either.i am however non judgemental, inclusive and accepting of other people. no one possesses anyone, or wants to, unless they are insecure about losing it..thats my opinion..i treat people as beings..and those in a sexless marriage ( whatever marriage is these days), not forgetting, 'forsaking all others'..bullshit is out moded.. it takes two to tango.or not..parts of a relationship may work and not other parts. and dont tell me couples dont lie to each other..people lie to themselves all the time...and to each other..your 'truth' is subjective, as is mine, as is the op's. its not real or fixed, its man made, subject to change, alteration, expansion...fluid are you telling me divorce would be better? over nsa sex...such a lot of emphasis on it not meaning anything on here, why the heck should you be bothered by it...? ..people shouldn't have to go without physical affection..that wasnt part of the marriage deal..one broken vow on one side, one broken vow on the other, get over it..its all about a pretentious set of society values, which in one hand you fight with 'swinging' and the next minute you use for your set of projected values...what a load of fantasists.. do what you want op..its your life and you'll be a long time dead..be well and be happy...if you can...x You are quite right we are a long time dead and we all have the right to be happy. I won't argue that at all. But.... lying to your partner about who you are and sleeping around behind there back is fundermently wrong. Put yourself in her shoes should she find out. Lies and deceit are a large factor in what's wrong with this world. And adding to it makes it worst. I would suggest that the op grows a pair and leaves his wife if he wants to continue being here and living this lifestyle or ask his wife to join him here.... honestly..i would look at myself and realise i didnt give him what he needed, allow him to express his needs within the relationship, and i wasnt open enough to hear him or support him in his journey in life..but then i am unusual..to feel someone had to lie to me, would be hurtful, but i wouldnt blame him. id look very closely at my own behaviour and expectations of someone i supposedly 'loved'...but then i value peoples freedom to be, more than anything else this lifetime, ive lived and died and lived again...its very short here, no time to be miserable, or suppressed or have regrets..otherwise you are already dead...in 100 years it would all be forgotten..so its actually not that important..the only gift we have is now, and thats for living...again this is how i live and love and laugh...no one can take that away, unless i let them..and i aint gonna do that and neither should anyone of you, in your choices of what makes you a fulfilled person..for some its one thing and for others another...its doesnt have to be everyones cup of tea, but it doesnt have to be derided, sneered at or condemned either x Again I agree with you regarding allowing your partner to live a fulfilled life. The problem is that the partner in this case has no knowledge and is being lied to and cheated on. I fail to see how that can be right. its not right or wrong..it is what it is right now...this isnt your life this is his life, no one owns him, he and he alone will live with himself every day..thats not for someone else to tell him how he should feel about that...that's not anyone's business but his...noone has asked for his reasons, his emotions, his being and what it needs, wants..its just a form of cyber bullying built on what an institution that fails a high percentage who enter into it..yeah he entered into it..he doesnt want to leave it..so what? its not for others to set the standards on his relationships, thats for him to work out on his own..hes a man, not a little boy and you all sound like his god damned mother..." If you don't want opinions the you shouldn't make things public. The person who started this is the OP, by doing so he courted the opinions of others.. He therefore has to expect that opinions will be voiced. How does that make anyone his mother? | |||
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" my non personal, general, non pointy finger opinion.. who says what, is ethical..who passes judgement on that..you?..wow, who are you....the all seer? i don't pretend to be ethical, im not moral either.i am however non judgemental, inclusive and accepting of other people. no one possesses anyone, or wants to, unless they are insecure about losing it..thats my opinion..i treat people as beings..and those in a sexless marriage ( whatever marriage is these days), not forgetting, 'forsaking all others'..bullshit is out moded.. it takes two to tango.or not..parts of a relationship may work and not other parts. and dont tell me couples dont lie to each other..people lie to themselves all the time...and to each other..your 'truth' is subjective, as is mine, as is the op's. its not real or fixed, its man made, subject to change, alteration, expansion...fluid are you telling me divorce would be better? over nsa sex...such a lot of emphasis on it not meaning anything on here, why the heck should you be bothered by it...? ..people shouldn't have to go without physical affection..that wasnt part of the marriage deal..one broken vow on one side, one broken vow on the other, get over it..its all about a pretentious set of society values, which in one hand you fight with 'swinging' and the next minute you use for your set of projected values...what a load of fantasists.. do what you want op..its your life and you'll be a long time dead..be well and be happy...if you can...x You are quite right we are a long time dead and we all have the right to be happy. I won't argue that at all. But.... lying to your partner about who you are and sleeping around behind there back is fundermently wrong. Put yourself in her shoes should she find out. Lies and deceit are a large factor in what's wrong with this world. And adding to it makes it worst. I would suggest that the op grows a pair and leaves his wife if he wants to continue being here and living this lifestyle or ask his wife to join him here.... honestly..i would look at myself and realise i didnt give him what he needed, allow him to express his needs within the relationship, and i wasnt open enough to hear him or support him in his journey in life..but then i am unusual..to feel someone had to lie to me, would be hurtful, but i wouldnt blame him. id look very closely at my own behaviour and expectations of someone i supposedly 'loved'...but then i value peoples freedom to be, more than anything else this lifetime, ive lived and died and lived again...its very short here, no time to be miserable, or suppressed or have regrets..otherwise you are already dead...in 100 years it would all be forgotten..so its actually not that important..the only gift we have is now, and thats for living...again this is how i live and love and laugh...no one can take that away, unless i let them..and i aint gonna do that and neither should anyone of you, in your choices of what makes you a fulfilled person..for some its one thing and for others another...its doesnt have to be everyones cup of tea, but it doesnt have to be derided, sneered at or condemned either x Again I agree with you regarding allowing your partner to live a fulfilled life. The problem is that the partner in this case has no knowledge and is being lied to and cheated on. I fail to see how that can be right. its not right or wrong..it is what it is right now...this isnt your life this is his life, no one owns him, he and he alone will live with himself every day..thats not for someone else to tell him how he should feel about that...that's not anyone's business but his...noone has asked for his reasons, his emotions, his being and what it needs, wants..its just a form of cyber bullying built on what an institution that fails a high percentage who enter into it..yeah he entered into it..he doesnt want to leave it..so what? its not for others to set the standards on his relationships, thats for him to work out on his own..hes a man, not a little boy and you all sound like his god damned mother..." Maybe people who have been cheated on and hurt feel the need to comment | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
" my non personal, general, non pointy finger opinion.. who says what, is ethical..who passes judgement on that..you?..wow, who are you....the all seer? i don't pretend to be ethical, im not moral either.i am however non judgemental, inclusive and accepting of other people. no one possesses anyone, or wants to, unless they are insecure about losing it..thats my opinion..i treat people as beings..and those in a sexless marriage ( whatever marriage is these days), not forgetting, 'forsaking all others'..bullshit is out moded.. it takes two to tango.or not..parts of a relationship may work and not other parts. and dont tell me couples dont lie to each other..people lie to themselves all the time...and to each other..your 'truth' is subjective, as is mine, as is the op's. its not real or fixed, its man made, subject to change, alteration, expansion...fluid are you telling me divorce would be better? over nsa sex...such a lot of emphasis on it not meaning anything on here, why the heck should you be bothered by it...? ..people shouldn't have to go without physical affection..that wasnt part of the marriage deal..one broken vow on one side, one broken vow on the other, get over it..its all about a pretentious set of society values, which in one hand you fight with 'swinging' and the next minute you use for your set of projected values...what a load of fantasists.. do what you want op..its your life and you'll be a long time dead..be well and be happy...if you can...x You are quite right we are a long time dead and we all have the right to be happy. I won't argue that at all. But.... lying to your partner about who you are and sleeping around behind there back is fundermently wrong. Put yourself in her shoes should she find out. Lies and deceit are a large factor in what's wrong with this world. And adding to it makes it worst. I would suggest that the op grows a pair and leaves his wife if he wants to continue being here and living this lifestyle or ask his wife to join him here.... honestly..i would look at myself and realise i didnt give him what he needed, allow him to express his needs within the relationship, and i wasnt open enough to hear him or support him in his journey in life..but then i am unusual..to feel someone had to lie to me, would be hurtful, but i wouldnt blame him. id look very closely at my own behaviour and expectations of someone i supposedly 'loved'...but then i value peoples freedom to be, more than anything else this lifetime, ive lived and died and lived again...its very short here, no time to be miserable, or suppressed or have regrets..otherwise you are already dead...in 100 years it would all be forgotten..so its actually not that important..the only gift we have is now, and thats for living...again this is how i live and love and laugh...no one can take that away, unless i let them..and i aint gonna do that and neither should anyone of you, in your choices of what makes you a fulfilled person..for some its one thing and for others another...its doesnt have to be everyones cup of tea, but it doesnt have to be derided, sneered at or condemned either x Again I agree with you regarding allowing your partner to live a fulfilled life. The problem is that the partner in this case has no knowledge and is being lied to and cheated on. I fail to see how that can be right. its not right or wrong..it is what it is right now...this isnt your life this is his life, no one owns him, he and he alone will live with himself every day..thats not for someone else to tell him how he should feel about that...that's not anyone's business but his...noone has asked for his reasons, his emotions, his being and what it needs, wants..its just a form of cyber bullying built on what an institution that fails a high percentage who enter into it..yeah he entered into it..he doesnt want to leave it..so what? its not for others to set the standards on his relationships, thats for him to work out on his own..hes a man, not a little boy and you all sound like his god damned mother... Maybe people who have been cheated on and hurt feel the need to comment " I refer you to my previous statement | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"Honest and cheating in the same sentence ?" you call it cheating, maybe others dont they call it nsa sex, which only a bit of fun..cant have it both ways..its either meaningful or its not..the answer is subjective perception and nearly every person on this site says its not their lives, and its just some fun, they could do without it, blah blah, if they didnt think it couldnt eat into their relationships, they wouldnt be giving a guy in a relationship, so much trouble. about it..and telling the truth and that his honesty, is so important. .why if nsa sex, is 'nothing', do you get so concerned, about someone else, doing it whatever their circumstances? | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
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Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
" its just a form of cyber bullying" The OP starting a thread looking for opinions, its hardly cyber bullying to then let him know that people dont agree with his actions. I know Suzy that you said that people lie all the time, including in relationships, but that hasn't been my experience. I think in our culture lying is frowned upon, and something that we teach our children about from a young age. Its hardly then surprising that people dont think that the OP should lie to his wife. | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
" my non personal, general, non pointy finger opinion.. who says what, is ethical..who passes judgement on that..you?..wow, who are you....the all seer? " Don't mind CLCC, they've mistaken this for a swinging site. They are (correctly) saying that swinging is ethical non-monogamy (by definition) and they are here for swinging because the site is called "fab swingers". People who are cheating aren't swinging and therefore it could be argued they are here for the wrong reasons. It's not an irrational position but you don't have to agree with it. | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"Honest and cheating in the same sentence ? you call it cheating, maybe others dont they call it nsa sex, which only a bit of fun..cant have it both ways..its either meaningful or its not..the answer is subjective perception and nearly every person on this site says its not their lives, and its just some fun, they could do without it, blah blah, if they didnt think it couldnt eat into their relationships, they wouldnt be giving a guy in a relationship, so much trouble. about it..and telling the truth and that his honesty, is so important. .why if nsa sex, is 'nothing', do you get so concerned, about someone else, doing it whatever their circumstances? " I hate to say this but I don't think you understand respect for others. If you want to be single and live a single life then be single. Being in a partnership demands respect. The nsa argument does not include cheating and deceit. | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"Honest and cheating in the same sentence ? you call it cheating, maybe others dont they call it nsa sex, which only a bit of fun..cant have it both ways..its either meaningful or its not..the answer is subjective perception and nearly every person on this site says its not their lives, and its just some fun, they could do without it, blah blah, if they didnt think it couldnt eat into their relationships, they wouldnt be giving a guy in a relationship, so much trouble. about it..and telling the truth and that his honesty, is so important. .why if nsa sex, is 'nothing', do you get so concerned, about someone else, doing it whatever their circumstances? " Tell that too is wife when she finds out and is devastated and loses everything. Maybe my ex wife thought it was just OK to have Nsa sex . Maybe it's me that's,wrong | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
" my non personal, general, non pointy finger opinion.. who says what, is ethical..who passes judgement on that..you?..wow, who are you....the all seer? i don't pretend to be ethical, im not moral either.i am however non judgemental, inclusive and accepting of other people. no one possesses anyone, or wants to, unless they are insecure about losing it..thats my opinion..i treat people as beings..and those in a sexless marriage ( whatever marriage is these days), not forgetting, 'forsaking all others'..bullshit is out moded.. it takes two to tango.or not..parts of a relationship may work and not other parts. and dont tell me couples dont lie to each other..people lie to themselves all the time...and to each other..your 'truth' is subjective, as is mine, as is the op's. its not real or fixed, its man made, subject to change, alteration, expansion...fluid are you telling me divorce would be better? over nsa sex...such a lot of emphasis on it not meaning anything on here, why the heck should you be bothered by it...? ..people shouldn't have to go without physical affection..that wasnt part of the marriage deal..one broken vow on one side, one broken vow on the other, get over it..its all about a pretentious set of society values, which in one hand you fight with 'swinging' and the next minute you use for your set of projected values...what a load of fantasists.. do what you want op..its your life and you'll be a long time dead..be well and be happy...if you can...x You are quite right we are a long time dead and we all have the right to be happy. I won't argue that at all. But.... lying to your partner about who you are and sleeping around behind there back is fundermently wrong. Put yourself in her shoes should she find out. Lies and deceit are a large factor in what's wrong with this world. And adding to it makes it worst. I would suggest that the op grows a pair and leaves his wife if he wants to continue being here and living this lifestyle or ask his wife to join him here.... honestly..i would look at myself and realise i didnt give him what he needed, allow him to express his needs within the relationship, and i wasnt open enough to hear him or support him in his journey in life..but then i am unusual..to feel someone had to lie to me, would be hurtful, but i wouldnt blame him. id look very closely at my own behaviour and expectations of someone i supposedly 'loved'...but then i value peoples freedom to be, more than anything else this lifetime, ive lived and died and lived again...its very short here, no time to be miserable, or suppressed or have regrets..otherwise you are already dead...in 100 years it would all be forgotten..so its actually not that important..the only gift we have is now, and thats for living...again this is how i live and love and laugh...no one can take that away, unless i let them..and i aint gonna do that and neither should anyone of you, in your choices of what makes you a fulfilled person..for some its one thing and for others another...its doesnt have to be everyones cup of tea, but it doesnt have to be derided, sneered at or condemned either x Again I agree with you regarding allowing your partner to live a fulfilled life. The problem is that the partner in this case has no knowledge and is being lied to and cheated on. I fail to see how that can be right. its not right or wrong..it is what it is right now...this isnt your life this is his life, no one owns him, he and he alone will live with himself every day..thats not for someone else to tell him how he should feel about that...that's not anyone's business but his...noone has asked for his reasons, his emotions, his being and what it needs, wants..its just a form of cyber bullying built on what an institution that fails a high percentage who enter into it..yeah he entered into it..he doesnt want to leave it..so what? its not for others to set the standards on his relationships, thats for him to work out on his own..hes a man, not a little boy and you all sound like his god damned mother... Maybe people who have been cheated on and hurt feel the need to comment " heal thyself, projecting your unresolved issues of betrayal wont help you..maybe you and he are the same maybe he feels betrayed too..maybe you arent that dissimilar in being disillusioned with your past/present relationships..look for the commonalities, between your fellow humans, they are there if. you stopped living in the justification of your own pain | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"Adultery Voluntary sexual relations between an individual who is married and someone who is not the individual's spouse. So effectively, the OP falls under this category, as does every single couple profile on fab. So in the eyes of the definition of adultery, every couple who has engaged in sexual relations that isn't their spouse are doing EXACTLY the same as the OP. He who lives in glass houses......perhaps the bullying nature of these forums needs to be looked at. " If you want to rephrase ethical non monogamy as ethical adultery then be my guest but you point is irrelevant for that reason. | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
" .why if nsa sex, is 'nothing', do you get so concerned, about someone else, doing it whatever their circumstances? " It's not something that I would consider myself "concerned" about, just something I would comment on in a forum. For me it's not the fact that he is having sex that is the bad thing, its the fact that he is lying to his wife. | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
" my non personal, general, non pointy finger opinion.. who says what, is ethical..who passes judgement on that..you?..wow, who are you....the all seer? i don't pretend to be ethical, im not moral either.i am however non judgemental, inclusive and accepting of other people. no one possesses anyone, or wants to, unless they are insecure about losing it..thats my opinion..i treat people as beings..and those in a sexless marriage ( whatever marriage is these days), not forgetting, 'forsaking all others'..bullshit is out moded.. it takes two to tango.or not..parts of a relationship may work and not other parts. and dont tell me couples dont lie to each other..people lie to themselves all the time...and to each other..your 'truth' is subjective, as is mine, as is the op's. its not real or fixed, its man made, subject to change, alteration, expansion...fluid are you telling me divorce would be better? over nsa sex...such a lot of emphasis on it not meaning anything on here, why the heck should you be bothered by it...? ..people shouldn't have to go without physical affection..that wasnt part of the marriage deal..one broken vow on one side, one broken vow on the other, get over it..its all about a pretentious set of society values, which in one hand you fight with 'swinging' and the next minute you use for your set of projected values...what a load of fantasists.. do what you want op..its your life and you'll be a long time dead..be well and be happy...if you can...x You are quite right we are a long time dead and we all have the right to be happy. I won't argue that at all. But.... lying to your partner about who you are and sleeping around behind there back is fundermently wrong. Put yourself in her shoes should she find out. Lies and deceit are a large factor in what's wrong with this world. And adding to it makes it worst. I would suggest that the op grows a pair and leaves his wife if he wants to continue being here and living this lifestyle or ask his wife to join him here.... honestly..i would look at myself and realise i didnt give him what he needed, allow him to express his needs within the relationship, and i wasnt open enough to hear him or support him in his journey in life..but then i am unusual..to feel someone had to lie to me, would be hurtful, but i wouldnt blame him. id look very closely at my own behaviour and expectations of someone i supposedly 'loved'...but then i value peoples freedom to be, more than anything else this lifetime, ive lived and died and lived again...its very short here, no time to be miserable, or suppressed or have regrets..otherwise you are already dead...in 100 years it would all be forgotten..so its actually not that important..the only gift we have is now, and thats for living...again this is how i live and love and laugh...no one can take that away, unless i let them..and i aint gonna do that and neither should anyone of you, in your choices of what makes you a fulfilled person..for some its one thing and for others another...its doesnt have to be everyones cup of tea, but it doesnt have to be derided, sneered at or condemned either x Again I agree with you regarding allowing your partner to live a fulfilled life. The problem is that the partner in this case has no knowledge and is being lied to and cheated on. I fail to see how that can be right. its not right or wrong..it is what it is right now...this isnt your life this is his life, no one owns him, he and he alone will live with himself every day..thats not for someone else to tell him how he should feel about that...that's not anyone's business but his...noone has asked for his reasons, his emotions, his being and what it needs, wants..its just a form of cyber bullying built on what an institution that fails a high percentage who enter into it..yeah he entered into it..he doesnt want to leave it..so what? its not for others to set the standards on his relationships, thats for him to work out on his own..hes a man, not a little boy and you all sound like his god damned mother... Maybe people who have been cheated on and hurt feel the need to comment heal thyself, projecting your unresolved issues of betrayal wont help you..maybe you and he are the same maybe he feels betrayed too..maybe you arent that dissimilar in being disillusioned with your past/present relationships..look for the commonalities, between your fellow humans, they are there if. you stopped living in the justification of your own pain" Let's hope you never love someone and they cheat on you Suzy | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"Honest and cheating in the same sentence ? you call it cheating, maybe others dont they call it nsa sex, which only a bit of fun..cant have it both ways..its either meaningful or its not..the answer is subjective perception and nearly every person on this site says its not their lives, and its just some fun, they could do without it, blah blah, if they didnt think it couldnt eat into their relationships, they wouldnt be giving a guy in a relationship, so much trouble. about it..and telling the truth and that his honesty, is so important. .why if nsa sex, is 'nothing', do you get so concerned, about someone else, doing it whatever their circumstances? Tell that too is wife when she finds out and is devastated and loses everything. Maybe my ex wife thought it was just OK to have Nsa sex . Maybe it's me that's,wrong " it happened its over and its you that cant forget it..it serves you not to, you justify things you do because of it..that doesnt make you right and him wrong toshie that makes you the same..in my view..neither of you deal.. | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
" my non personal, general, non pointy finger opinion.. who says what, is ethical..who passes judgement on that..you?..wow, who are you....the all seer? Don't mind CLCC, they've mistaken this for a swinging site. They are (correctly) saying that swinging is ethical non-monogamy (by definition) and they are here for swinging because the site is called "fab swingers". People who are cheating aren't swinging and therefore it could be argued they are here for the wrong reasons. It's not an irrational position but you don't have to agree with it. " Don't tell them that! Everyone should agree with me on everything! | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
" my non personal, general, non pointy finger opinion.. who says what, is ethical..who passes judgement on that..you?..wow, who are you....the all seer? i don't pretend to be ethical, im not moral either.i am however non judgemental, inclusive and accepting of other people. no one possesses anyone, or wants to, unless they are insecure about losing it..thats my opinion..i treat people as beings..and those in a sexless marriage ( whatever marriage is these days), not forgetting, 'forsaking all others'..bullshit is out moded.. it takes two to tango.or not..parts of a relationship may work and not other parts. and dont tell me couples dont lie to each other..people lie to themselves all the time...and to each other..your 'truth' is subjective, as is mine, as is the op's. its not real or fixed, its man made, subject to change, alteration, expansion...fluid are you telling me divorce would be better? over nsa sex...such a lot of emphasis on it not meaning anything on here, why the heck should you be bothered by it...? ..people shouldn't have to go without physical affection..that wasnt part of the marriage deal..one broken vow on one side, one broken vow on the other, get over it..its all about a pretentious set of society values, which in one hand you fight with 'swinging' and the next minute you use for your set of projected values...what a load of fantasists.. do what you want op..its your life and you'll be a long time dead..be well and be happy...if you can...x You are quite right we are a long time dead and we all have the right to be happy. I won't argue that at all. But.... lying to your partner about who you are and sleeping around behind there back is fundermently wrong. Put yourself in her shoes should she find out. Lies and deceit are a large factor in what's wrong with this world. And adding to it makes it worst. I would suggest that the op grows a pair and leaves his wife if he wants to continue being here and living this lifestyle or ask his wife to join him here.... honestly..i would look at myself and realise i didnt give him what he needed, allow him to express his needs within the relationship, and i wasnt open enough to hear him or support him in his journey in life..but then i am unusual..to feel someone had to lie to me, would be hurtful, but i wouldnt blame him. id look very closely at my own behaviour and expectations of someone i supposedly 'loved'...but then i value peoples freedom to be, more than anything else this lifetime, ive lived and died and lived again...its very short here, no time to be miserable, or suppressed or have regrets..otherwise you are already dead...in 100 years it would all be forgotten..so its actually not that important..the only gift we have is now, and thats for living...again this is how i live and love and laugh...no one can take that away, unless i let them..and i aint gonna do that and neither should anyone of you, in your choices of what makes you a fulfilled person..for some its one thing and for others another...its doesnt have to be everyones cup of tea, but it doesnt have to be derided, sneered at or condemned either x Again I agree with you regarding allowing your partner to live a fulfilled life. The problem is that the partner in this case has no knowledge and is being lied to and cheated on. I fail to see how that can be right. its not right or wrong..it is what it is right now...this isnt your life this is his life, no one owns him, he and he alone will live with himself every day..thats not for someone else to tell him how he should feel about that...that's not anyone's business but his...noone has asked for his reasons, his emotions, his being and what it needs, wants..its just a form of cyber bullying built on what an institution that fails a high percentage who enter into it..yeah he entered into it..he doesnt want to leave it..so what? its not for others to set the standards on his relationships, thats for him to work out on his own..hes a man, not a little boy and you all sound like his god damned mother... Maybe people who have been cheated on and hurt feel the need to comment heal thyself, projecting your unresolved issues of betrayal wont help you..maybe you and he are the same maybe he feels betrayed too..maybe you arent that dissimilar in being disillusioned with your past/present relationships..look for the commonalities, between your fellow humans, they are there if. you stopped living in the justification of your own pain Let's hope you never love someone and they cheat on you Suzy " who says they havent?.. assumption... thats a huge one... | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
" my non personal, general, non pointy finger opinion.. who says what, is ethical..who passes judgement on that..you?..wow, who are you....the all seer? Don't mind CLCC, they've mistaken this for a swinging site. They are (correctly) saying that swinging is ethical non-monogamy (by definition) and they are here for swinging because the site is called "fab swingers". People who are cheating aren't swinging and therefore it could be argued they are here for the wrong reasons. It's not an irrational position but you don't have to agree with it. Don't tell them that! Everyone should agree with me on everything! " Bringing logic to a fab debate is like bringing a knife to a gun fight. It's mob rules up in here... | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
" my non personal, general, non pointy finger opinion.. who says what, is ethical..who passes judgement on that..you?..wow, who are you....the all seer? i don't pretend to be ethical, im not moral either.i am however non judgemental, inclusive and accepting of other people. no one possesses anyone, or wants to, unless they are insecure about losing it..thats my opinion..i treat people as beings..and those in a sexless marriage ( whatever marriage is these days), not forgetting, 'forsaking all others'..bullshit is out moded.. it takes two to tango.or not..parts of a relationship may work and not other parts. and dont tell me couples dont lie to each other..people lie to themselves all the time...and to each other..your 'truth' is subjective, as is mine, as is the op's. its not real or fixed, its man made, subject to change, alteration, expansion...fluid are you telling me divorce would be better? over nsa sex...such a lot of emphasis on it not meaning anything on here, why the heck should you be bothered by it...? ..people shouldn't have to go without physical affection..that wasnt part of the marriage deal..one broken vow on one side, one broken vow on the other, get over it..its all about a pretentious set of society values, which in one hand you fight with 'swinging' and the next minute you use for your set of projected values...what a load of fantasists.. do what you want op..its your life and you'll be a long time dead..be well and be happy...if you can...x You are quite right we are a long time dead and we all have the right to be happy. I won't argue that at all. But.... lying to your partner about who you are and sleeping around behind there back is fundermently wrong. Put yourself in her shoes should she find out. Lies and deceit are a large factor in what's wrong with this world. And adding to it makes it worst. I would suggest that the op grows a pair and leaves his wife if he wants to continue being here and living this lifestyle or ask his wife to join him here.... honestly..i would look at myself and realise i didnt give him what he needed, allow him to express his needs within the relationship, and i wasnt open enough to hear him or support him in his journey in life..but then i am unusual..to feel someone had to lie to me, would be hurtful, but i wouldnt blame him. id look very closely at my own behaviour and expectations of someone i supposedly 'loved'...but then i value peoples freedom to be, more than anything else this lifetime, ive lived and died and lived again...its very short here, no time to be miserable, or suppressed or have regrets..otherwise you are already dead...in 100 years it would all be forgotten..so its actually not that important..the only gift we have is now, and thats for living...again this is how i live and love and laugh...no one can take that away, unless i let them..and i aint gonna do that and neither should anyone of you, in your choices of what makes you a fulfilled person..for some its one thing and for others another...its doesnt have to be everyones cup of tea, but it doesnt have to be derided, sneered at or condemned either x Again I agree with you regarding allowing your partner to live a fulfilled life. The problem is that the partner in this case has no knowledge and is being lied to and cheated on. I fail to see how that can be right. its not right or wrong..it is what it is right now...this isnt your life this is his life, no one owns him, he and he alone will live with himself every day..thats not for someone else to tell him how he should feel about that...that's not anyone's business but his...noone has asked for his reasons, his emotions, his being and what it needs, wants..its just a form of cyber bullying built on what an institution that fails a high percentage who enter into it..yeah he entered into it..he doesnt want to leave it..so what? its not for others to set the standards on his relationships, thats for him to work out on his own..hes a man, not a little boy and you all sound like his god damned mother... Maybe people who have been cheated on and hurt feel the need to comment heal thyself, projecting your unresolved issues of betrayal wont help you..maybe you and he are the same maybe he feels betrayed too..maybe you arent that dissimilar in being disillusioned with your past/present relationships..look for the commonalities, between your fellow humans, they are there if. you stopped living in the justification of your own pain Let's hope you never love someone and they cheat on you Suzy who says they havent?.. assumption... thats a huge one..." Because you would know the damage it does,and the life's it wrecks . And the families it breaks up. And you would not be on here condoning it | |||
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" .why if nsa sex, is 'nothing', do you get so concerned, about someone else, doing it whatever their circumstances? It's not something that I would consider myself "concerned" about, just something I would comment on in a forum. For me it's not the fact that he is having sex that is the bad thing, its the fact that he is lying to his wife. " how many times have you lied to your mum, dad, friend, gf, bf, wife husband..dont use the marriage thing as some form of fortress..its not invincible..its a piece of paper a bit of legalese to makes you feel more secure in society ..thats it. all that is left, is what is between two individuals..you and your partner, you arent the same, as anyone else, and they are not the same as you..im sure you dont want anyone else's relationship, but you cant expect them to want yours either..same goes for the definition you hark on about as 'swinging' look around you, you hold onto that definition, because if it changes, you would have to shift your perspective and you dont want to..it supports you as it is, fuck anyone else,,it s a word that supports and justifies your actions within your relationship..thats cool..but thats what it is..its an inflated sense of security, that you can throw at other people, when you feel justified in doing so..well bless you, but it doesnt wash with me... | |||
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"I'm not offended. I just wouldn't meet you "Ditto. Though we also wouldn't be keen meeting one half of a couple even with their partners knowledge unless we already knew them. | |||
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" my non personal, general, non pointy finger opinion.. who says what, is ethical..who passes judgement on that..you?..wow, who are you....the all seer? i don't pretend to be ethical, im not moral either.i am however non judgemental, inclusive and accepting of other people. no one possesses anyone, or wants to, unless they are insecure about losing it..thats my opinion..i treat people as beings..and those in a sexless marriage ( whatever marriage is these days), not forgetting, 'forsaking all others'..bullshit is out moded.. it takes two to tango.or not..parts of a relationship may work and not other parts. and dont tell me couples dont lie to each other..people lie to themselves all the time...and to each other..your 'truth' is subjective, as is mine, as is the op's. its not real or fixed, its man made, subject to change, alteration, expansion...fluid are you telling me divorce would be better? over nsa sex...such a lot of emphasis on it not meaning anything on here, why the heck should you be bothered by it...? ..people shouldn't have to go without physical affection..that wasnt part of the marriage deal..one broken vow on one side, one broken vow on the other, get over it..its all about a pretentious set of society values, which in one hand you fight with 'swinging' and the next minute you use for your set of projected values...what a load of fantasists.. do what you want op..its your life and you'll be a long time dead..be well and be happy...if you can...x You are quite right we are a long time dead and we all have the right to be happy. I won't argue that at all. But.... lying to your partner about who you are and sleeping around behind there back is fundermently wrong. Put yourself in her shoes should she find out. Lies and deceit are a large factor in what's wrong with this world. And adding to it makes it worst. I would suggest that the op grows a pair and leaves his wife if he wants to continue being here and living this lifestyle or ask his wife to join him here.... honestly..i would look at myself and realise i didnt give him what he needed, allow him to express his needs within the relationship, and i wasnt open enough to hear him or support him in his journey in life..but then i am unusual..to feel someone had to lie to me, would be hurtful, but i wouldnt blame him. id look very closely at my own behaviour and expectations of someone i supposedly 'loved'...but then i value peoples freedom to be, more than anything else this lifetime, ive lived and died and lived again...its very short here, no time to be miserable, or suppressed or have regrets..otherwise you are already dead...in 100 years it would all be forgotten..so its actually not that important..the only gift we have is now, and thats for living...again this is how i live and love and laugh...no one can take that away, unless i let them..and i aint gonna do that and neither should anyone of you, in your choices of what makes you a fulfilled person..for some its one thing and for others another...its doesnt have to be everyones cup of tea, but it doesnt have to be derided, sneered at or condemned either x Again I agree with you regarding allowing your partner to live a fulfilled life. The problem is that the partner in this case has no knowledge and is being lied to and cheated on. I fail to see how that can be right. its not right or wrong..it is what it is right now...this isnt your life this is his life, no one owns him, he and he alone will live with himself every day..thats not for someone else to tell him how he should feel about that...that's not anyone's business but his...noone has asked for his reasons, his emotions, his being and what it needs, wants..its just a form of cyber bullying built on what an institution that fails a high percentage who enter into it..yeah he entered into it..he doesnt want to leave it..so what? its not for others to set the standards on his relationships, thats for him to work out on his own..hes a man, not a little boy and you all sound like his god damned mother... Maybe people who have been cheated on and hurt feel the need to comment heal thyself, projecting your unresolved issues of betrayal wont help you..maybe you and he are the same maybe he feels betrayed too..maybe you arent that dissimilar in being disillusioned with your past/present relationships..look for the commonalities, between your fellow humans, they are there if. you stopped living in the justification of your own pain Let's hope you never love someone and they cheat on you Suzy who says they havent?.. assumption... thats a huge one... Because you would know the damage it does,and the life's it wrecks . And the families it breaks up. And you would not be on here condoning it " bullshit. what is true is that, i do not deal with things, the way some even most people do..i wouldnt be as bitter about it as you, not for a million pounds, let alone as a life sentance..no thanks.. | |||
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" .why if nsa sex, is 'nothing', do you get so concerned, about someone else, doing it whatever their circumstances? It's not something that I would consider myself "concerned" about, just something I would comment on in a forum. For me it's not the fact that he is having sex that is the bad thing, its the fact that he is lying to his wife. how many times have you lied to your mum, dad, friend, gf, bf, wife husband..dont use the marriage thing as some form of fortress..its not invincible..its a piece of paper a bit of legalese to makes you feel more secure in society ..thats it. all that is left, is what is between two individuals..you and your partner, you arent the same, as anyone else, and they are not the same as you..im sure you dont want anyone else's relationship, but you cant expect them to want yours either..same goes for the definition you hark on about as 'swinging' look around you, you hold onto that definition, because if it changes, you would have to shift your perspective and you dont want to..it supports you as it is, fuck anyone else,,it s a word that supports and justifies your actions within your relationship..thats cool..but thats what it is..its an inflated sense of security, that you can throw at other people, when you feel justified in doing so..well bless you, but it doesnt wash with me..." There is a huge difference between an ideal world and the real world. People have feelings and hurt is real. | |||
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" .why if nsa sex, is 'nothing', do you get so concerned, about someone else, doing it whatever their circumstances? It's not something that I would consider myself "concerned" about, just something I would comment on in a forum. For me it's not the fact that he is having sex that is the bad thing, its the fact that he is lying to his wife. how many times have you lied to your mum, dad, friend, gf, bf, wife husband..dont use the marriage thing as some form of fortress..its not invincible..its a piece of paper a bit of legalese to makes you feel more secure in society ..thats it. all that is left, is what is between two individuals..you and your partner, you arent the same, as anyone else, and they are not the same as you..im sure you dont want anyone else's relationship, but you cant expect them to want yours either..same goes for the definition you hark on about as 'swinging' look around you, you hold onto that definition, because if it changes, you would have to shift your perspective and you dont want to..it supports you as it is, fuck anyone else,,it s a word that supports and justifies your actions within your relationship..thats cool..but thats what it is..its an inflated sense of security, that you can throw at other people, when you feel justified in doing so..well bless you, but it doesnt wash with me... There is a huge difference between an ideal world and the real world. People have feelings and hurt is real." maybe its just a freakin choice of how you want to see life and other people..did he/ she suffer as much as i did, is not a consciousness i wish to live with, thanks your perception is your reality, you create and recreate it everyday with your thoughts words, deeds and actions..however that is your life and noone elses, you cannot say what is perfect for them or what isnt..you are not them, you dont know their purpose here and therefore have no idea how they are meant to get there..that however goes into the realms of the quantum physics and we wont go there tonight xx enjoy all of duality, but there is a space where inclusiveness can be achieved and a different awareness can be manifest and lived here..thats not an ideal world, that is the nature of life itself. very real and totally unconcerned | |||
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"Relationships are built on love and mutual respect. Cheating is neither of these and it can't be justified. You can dress it up in anyway you want but cheating is cheating..." are they..? many people enter different types of relationships, for many different reasons. i dont believe you have a proper marriage according to the definition..but obviously you do..if you can stretch the boundaries of what marriages are, why cant you do the same for him? | |||
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" .why if nsa sex, is 'nothing', do you get so concerned, about someone else, doing it whatever their circumstances? It's not something that I would consider myself "concerned" about, just something I would comment on in a forum. For me it's not the fact that he is having sex that is the bad thing, its the fact that he is lying to his wife. how many times have you lied to your mum, dad, friend, gf, bf, wife husband..dont use the marriage thing as some form of fortress..its not invincible..its a piece of paper a bit of legalese to makes you feel more secure in society ..thats it. all that is left, is what is between two individuals..you and your partner, you arent the same, as anyone else, and they are not the same as you..im sure you dont want anyone else's relationship, but you cant expect them to want yours either..same goes for the definition you hark on about as 'swinging' look around you, you hold onto that definition, because if it changes, you would have to shift your perspective and you dont want to..it supports you as it is, fuck anyone else,,it s a word that supports and justifies your actions within your relationship..thats cool..but thats what it is..its an inflated sense of security, that you can throw at other people, when you feel justified in doing so..well bless you, but it doesnt wash with me... There is a huge difference between an ideal world and the real world. People have feelings and hurt is real. maybe its just a freakin choice of how you want to see life and other people..did he/ she suffer as much as i did, is not a consciousness i wish to live with, thanks your perception is your reality, you create and recreate it everyday with your thoughts words, deeds and actions..however that is your life and noone elses, you cannot say what is perfect for them or what isnt..you are not them, you dont know their purpose here and therefore have no idea how they are meant to get there..that however goes into the realms of the quantum physics and we wont go there tonight xx enjoy all of duality, but there is a space where inclusiveness can be achieved and a different awareness can be manifest and lived here..thats not an ideal world, that is the nature of life itself. very real and totally unconcerned" And I bring you back to respect. | |||
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"Relationships are built on love and mutual respect. Cheating is neither of these and it can't be justified. You can dress it up in anyway you want but cheating is cheating... are they..? many people enter different types of relationships, for many different reasons. i dont believe you have a proper marriage according to the definition..but obviously you do..if you can stretch the boundaries of what marriages are, why cant you do the same for him? " Firstly I'm not married. Secondly the op states quite clearly that he is married and needs to be discreet. The only possible outcome is that he is not being honest with his wife. Therefore he can't respect his wife or his marriage. He wants the benefits he gets from his marriage along with taking what he wants from outside it. Why not be honest with his wife and be a man. To be honest is to be true. Lies only ever end in hurt. Hurt is a bad thing, always has been and always will be. If you want to live as a couple then be a couple. If you want to live as a single then be one. | |||
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" Don't mind CLCC, they've mistaken this for a swinging site. They are (correctly) saying that swinging is ethical non-monogamy (by definition) and they are here for swinging because the site is called "fab swingers". People who are cheating aren't swinging and therefore it could be argued they are here for the wrong reasons. It's not an irrational position but you don't have to agree with it. " The definition of a swinger is slang for someone who lives an uninhibited lifestyle. A person who engages freely in experimental sexual behavior is an example of a swinger. (That's also from the dictionary.) Don't see where it says you involve or tell any of your partners ? You may have an idea of what swinging is for you, however, that doesn't mean it is correct. In fact in 4 different definitions, not once did it state anything about cheaters not being swingers. you are all (mostly) here for sex and titilation. A persons personal circumstances makes no difference. swinging is casual sex, get off your high horses and just let people get on with their own lives. By the op being honest in his profile, it gives people the option to block without wasting anyones time. By the op posting this thread, it gives the insecure and moral champions the right to chastise him. i'm done with this thread. | |||
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" Don't mind CLCC, they've mistaken this for a swinging site. They are (correctly) saying that swinging is ethical non-monogamy (by definition) and they are here for swinging because the site is called "fab swingers". People who are cheating aren't swinging and therefore it could be argued they are here for the wrong reasons. It's not an irrational position but you don't have to agree with it. The definition of a swinger is slang for someone who lives an uninhibited lifestyle. A person who engages freely in experimental sexual behavior is an example of a swinger. (That's also from the dictionary.) Don't see where it says you involve or tell any of your partners ? You may have an idea of what swinging is for you, however, that doesn't mean it is correct. In fact in 4 different definitions, not once did it state anything about cheaters not being swingers. you are all (mostly) here for sex and titilation. A persons personal circumstances makes no difference. swinging is casual sex, get off your high horses and just let people get on with their own lives. By the op being honest in his profile, it gives people the option to block without wasting anyones time. By the op posting this thread, it gives the insecure and moral champions the right to chastise him. i'm done with this thread." Seriously... ffs | |||
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" .why if nsa sex, is 'nothing', do you get so concerned, about someone else, doing it whatever their circumstances? It's not something that I would consider myself "concerned" about, just something I would comment on in a forum. For me it's not the fact that he is having sex that is the bad thing, its the fact that he is lying to his wife. how many times have you lied to your mum, dad, friend, gf, bf, wife husband..dont use the marriage thing as some form of fortress..its not invincible..its a piece of paper a bit of legalese to makes you feel more secure in society ..thats it. all that is left, is what is between two individuals..you and your partner, you arent the same, as anyone else, and they are not the same as you..im sure you dont want anyone else's relationship, but you cant expect them to want yours either..same goes for the definition you hark on about as 'swinging' look around you, you hold onto that definition, because if it changes, you would have to shift your perspective and you dont want to..it supports you as it is, fuck anyone else,,it s a word that supports and justifies your actions within your relationship..thats cool..but thats what it is..its an inflated sense of security, that you can throw at other people, when you feel justified in doing so..well bless you, but it doesnt wash with me..." Ok I'll take it piece by piece. I can't remember the last lie I told, I try not to, I don't really see the point. Marriages are indeed legal, and gives some extra protections within the law. It doesn't really make me feel more secure in society, but I am proud of my marriage. I dont think I'm alone in this, and that's why I support same sex marriage so that they can get the same legal protections and show society their committment to each other. I agree that marriage isn't a fortress, and have never said that it was. Like you say, I don't want anyone elses relationship, I'm happy with mine. I don't expect anyone to want my relationship, or my my relationship dynamics. However, I would say that I am very happy in my relationship, and I hope that other people are happy in theirs too. My definition of swinging is that swinging is a form of ethical non-monogamy. The ethical part means that everyone is informed and consenting to what is happening, and the non-monogamy part relates to having sexual activity outside of the relationship. I think that this can be couples, or single who have either been ethically non-monogamous in the past, or who would be interested in trying that in the future. My definition for example doesn't cover a single person having sex with another single person. I think if you surveyed the general public they wouldn't consider that swinging either. If you did virtually every teenager and student would be a swinger. I think people who DO want the definition to charge, want to expand it, rather than say that couples having sex with other couples don't fit the definition anymore. I'm not sure in which way it supports me, but I guess it does make me feel more secure in some ways. Monogamy wasn't right for me, the fact that there were other people living ethically non-monogamous lives, and the fact that there are websites, forums, clubs, books, podcasts etc. talking about a different way of living made me feel more secure to try it. I would assume that people in the LGBT community feel the same about also having a community of like-minded people around them. And sorry I dont really understand what you are getting at with your last sentence. | |||
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" .why if nsa sex, is 'nothing', do you get so concerned, about someone else, doing it whatever their circumstances? It's not something that I would consider myself "concerned" about, just something I would comment on in a forum. For me it's not the fact that he is having sex that is the bad thing, its the fact that he is lying to his wife. how many times have you lied to your mum, dad, friend, gf, bf, wife husband..dont use the marriage thing as some form of fortress..its not invincible..its a piece of paper a bit of legalese to makes you feel more secure in society ..thats it. all that is left, is what is between two individuals..you and your partner, you arent the same, as anyone else, and they are not the same as you..im sure you dont want anyone else's relationship, but you cant expect them to want yours either..same goes for the definition you hark on about as 'swinging' look around you, you hold onto that definition, because if it changes, you would have to shift your perspective and you dont want to..it supports you as it is, fuck anyone else,,it s a word that supports and justifies your actions within your relationship..thats cool..but thats what it is..its an inflated sense of security, that you can throw at other people, when you feel justified in doing so..well bless you, but it doesnt wash with me... There is a huge difference between an ideal world and the real world. People have feelings and hurt is real. maybe its just a freakin choice of how you want to see life and other people..did he/ she suffer as much as i did, is not a consciousness i wish to live with, thanks your perception is your reality, you create and recreate it everyday with your thoughts words, deeds and actions..however that is your life and noone elses, you cannot say what is perfect for them or what isnt..you are not them, you dont know their purpose here and therefore have no idea how they are meant to get there..that however goes into the realms of the quantum physics and we wont go there tonight xx enjoy all of duality, but there is a space where inclusiveness can be achieved and a different awareness can be manifest and lived here..thats not an ideal world, that is the nature of life itself. very real and totally unconcerned And I bring you back to respect." so its another word..bandied around..i could say you dont respect the institution of marriage..yet you would say that you do and he doesnt...whos to say whos right or wrong..its subjective, its not fixed..if you are lucky two or more people agree on what ;respect' is to them, but you haven't a hope of making all the population agree with you.. and neither should you be able to, its not your business to go around dictating what other people should do... | |||
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" .why if nsa sex, is 'nothing', do you get so concerned, about someone else, doing it whatever their circumstances? It's not something that I would consider myself "concerned" about, just something I would comment on in a forum. For me it's not the fact that he is having sex that is the bad thing, its the fact that he is lying to his wife. how many times have you lied to your mum, dad, friend, gf, bf, wife husband..dont use the marriage thing as some form of fortress..its not invincible..its a piece of paper a bit of legalese to makes you feel more secure in society ..thats it. all that is left, is what is between two individuals..you and your partner, you arent the same, as anyone else, and they are not the same as you..im sure you dont want anyone else's relationship, but you cant expect them to want yours either..same goes for the definition you hark on about as 'swinging' look around you, you hold onto that definition, because if it changes, you would have to shift your perspective and you dont want to..it supports you as it is, fuck anyone else,,it s a word that supports and justifies your actions within your relationship..thats cool..but thats what it is..its an inflated sense of security, that you can throw at other people, when you feel justified in doing so..well bless you, but it doesnt wash with me... There is a huge difference between an ideal world and the real world. People have feelings and hurt is real. maybe its just a freakin choice of how you want to see life and other people..did he/ she suffer as much as i did, is not a consciousness i wish to live with, thanks your perception is your reality, you create and recreate it everyday with your thoughts words, deeds and actions..however that is your life and noone elses, you cannot say what is perfect for them or what isnt..you are not them, you dont know their purpose here and therefore have no idea how they are meant to get there..that however goes into the realms of the quantum physics and we wont go there tonight xx enjoy all of duality, but there is a space where inclusiveness can be achieved and a different awareness can be manifest and lived here..thats not an ideal world, that is the nature of life itself. very real and totally unconcerned And I bring you back to respect.so its another word..bandied around..i could say you dont respect the institution of marriage..yet you would say that you do and he doesnt...whos to say whos right or wrong..its subjective, its not fixed..if you are lucky two or more people agree on what ;respect' is to them, but you haven't a hope of making all the population agree with you.. and neither should you be able to, its not your business to go around dictating what other people should do... " I'm not dictating anything to anyone. I'm simply voicing my opinions. I have no doubt that my opinions will have very little if any impact on anyone. Quite honestly I don't care what the op does. What I do care about is the people who end up being hurt by other people's actions. But like you say it's his life. But if you don't want people to comment then it's best to keep your mouth shut in the first place. I can tell you this, I have no respect for those who have no respect for respect, be it for yourself or others. The world where no one cares is a very sad place indeed. | |||
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" .why if nsa sex, is 'nothing', do you get so concerned, about someone else, doing it whatever their circumstances? It's not something that I would consider myself "concerned" about, just something I would comment on in a forum. For me it's not the fact that he is having sex that is the bad thing, its the fact that he is lying to his wife. how many times have you lied to your mum, dad, friend, gf, bf, wife husband..dont use the marriage thing as some form of fortress..its not invincible..its a piece of paper a bit of legalese to makes you feel more secure in society ..thats it. all that is left, is what is between two individuals..you and your partner, you arent the same, as anyone else, and they are not the same as you..im sure you dont want anyone else's relationship, but you cant expect them to want yours either..same goes for the definition you hark on about as 'swinging' look around you, you hold onto that definition, because if it changes, you would have to shift your perspective and you dont want to..it supports you as it is, fuck anyone else,,it s a word that supports and justifies your actions within your relationship..thats cool..but thats what it is..its an inflated sense of security, that you can throw at other people, when you feel justified in doing so..well bless you, but it doesnt wash with me... Ok I'll take it piece by piece. I can't remember the last lie I told, I try not to, I don't really see the point. Marriages are indeed legal, and gives some extra protections within the law. It doesn't really make me feel more secure in society, but I am proud of my marriage. I dont think I'm alone in this, and that's why I support same sex marriage so that they can get the same legal protections and show society their committment to each other. I agree that marriage isn't a fortress, and have never said that it was. Like you say, I don't want anyone elses relationship, I'm happy with mine. I don't expect anyone to want my relationship, or my my relationship dynamics. However, I would say that I am very happy in my relationship, and I hope that other people are happy in theirs too. My definition of swinging is that swinging is a form of ethical non-monogamy. The ethical part means that everyone is informed and consenting to what is happening, and the non-monogamy part relates to having sexual activity outside of the relationship. I think that this can be couples, or single who have either been ethically non-monogamous in the past, or who would be interested in trying that in the future. My definition for example doesn't cover a single person having sex with another single person. I think if you surveyed the general public they wouldn't consider that swinging either. If you did virtually every teenager and student would be a swinger. I think people who DO want the definition to charge, want to expand it, rather than say that couples having sex with other couples don't fit the definition anymore. I'm not sure in which way it supports me, but I guess it does make me feel more secure in some ways. Monogamy wasn't right for me, the fact that there were other people living ethically non-monogamous lives, and the fact that there are websites, forums, clubs, books, podcasts etc. talking about a different way of living made me feel more secure to try it. I would assume that people in the LGBT community feel the same about also having a community of like-minded people around them. And sorry I dont really understand what you are getting at with your last sentence." just one thing to say "Monogamy wasn't right for me" and neither apparently is it for the op..factually the same..you aren't any 'better' or different, than he is..no more ethical, no more worthy, no more secure, you both are beings, wanting multiple sexual partners..fact..you want to call it whatever you want to call it, because of the way you've arranged your words and societal affirmations.. strip that away..you have sex with multiple partners, what gives you the right to stop him from feeling the same about it, as you do... | |||
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" .why if nsa sex, is 'nothing', do you get so concerned, about someone else, doing it whatever their circumstances? It's not something that I would consider myself "concerned" about, just something I would comment on in a forum. For me it's not the fact that he is having sex that is the bad thing, its the fact that he is lying to his wife. how many times have you lied to your mum, dad, friend, gf, bf, wife husband..dont use the marriage thing as some form of fortress..its not invincible..its a piece of paper a bit of legalese to makes you feel more secure in society ..thats it. all that is left, is what is between two individuals..you and your partner, you arent the same, as anyone else, and they are not the same as you..im sure you dont want anyone else's relationship, but you cant expect them to want yours either..same goes for the definition you hark on about as 'swinging' look around you, you hold onto that definition, because if it changes, you would have to shift your perspective and you dont want to..it supports you as it is, fuck anyone else,,it s a word that supports and justifies your actions within your relationship..thats cool..but thats what it is..its an inflated sense of security, that you can throw at other people, when you feel justified in doing so..well bless you, but it doesnt wash with me... Ok I'll take it piece by piece. I can't remember the last lie I told, I try not to, I don't really see the point. Marriages are indeed legal, and gives some extra protections within the law. It doesn't really make me feel more secure in society, but I am proud of my marriage. I dont think I'm alone in this, and that's why I support same sex marriage so that they can get the same legal protections and show society their committment to each other. I agree that marriage isn't a fortress, and have never said that it was. Like you say, I don't want anyone elses relationship, I'm happy with mine. I don't expect anyone to want my relationship, or my my relationship dynamics. However, I would say that I am very happy in my relationship, and I hope that other people are happy in theirs too. My definition of swinging is that swinging is a form of ethical non-monogamy. The ethical part means that everyone is informed and consenting to what is happening, and the non-monogamy part relates to having sexual activity outside of the relationship. I think that this can be couples, or single who have either been ethically non-monogamous in the past, or who would be interested in trying that in the future. My definition for example doesn't cover a single person having sex with another single person. I think if you surveyed the general public they wouldn't consider that swinging either. If you did virtually every teenager and student would be a swinger. I think people who DO want the definition to charge, want to expand it, rather than say that couples having sex with other couples don't fit the definition anymore. I'm not sure in which way it supports me, but I guess it does make me feel more secure in some ways. Monogamy wasn't right for me, the fact that there were other people living ethically non-monogamous lives, and the fact that there are websites, forums, clubs, books, podcasts etc. talking about a different way of living made me feel more secure to try it. I would assume that people in the LGBT community feel the same about also having a community of like-minded people around them. And sorry I dont really understand what you are getting at with your last sentence. just one thing to say "Monogamy wasn't right for me" and neither apparently is it for the op..factually the same..you aren't any 'better' or different, than he is..no more ethical, no more worthy, no more secure, you both are beings, wanting multiple sexual partners..fact..you want to call it whatever you want to call it, because of the way you've arranged your words and societal affirmations.. strip that away..you have sex with multiple partners, what gives you the right to stop him from feeling the same about it, as you do..." They aren't the same at all. Obe is a liar and one isn't! | |||
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" .why if nsa sex, is 'nothing', do you get so concerned, about someone else, doing it whatever their circumstances? It's not something that I would consider myself "concerned" about, just something I would comment on in a forum. For me it's not the fact that he is having sex that is the bad thing, its the fact that he is lying to his wife. how many times have you lied to your mum, dad, friend, gf, bf, wife husband..dont use the marriage thing as some form of fortress..its not invincible..its a piece of paper a bit of legalese to makes you feel more secure in society ..thats it. all that is left, is what is between two individuals..you and your partner, you arent the same, as anyone else, and they are not the same as you..im sure you dont want anyone else's relationship, but you cant expect them to want yours either..same goes for the definition you hark on about as 'swinging' look around you, you hold onto that definition, because if it changes, you would have to shift your perspective and you dont want to..it supports you as it is, fuck anyone else,,it s a word that supports and justifies your actions within your relationship..thats cool..but thats what it is..its an inflated sense of security, that you can throw at other people, when you feel justified in doing so..well bless you, but it doesnt wash with me... There is a huge difference between an ideal world and the real world. People have feelings and hurt is real. maybe its just a freakin choice of how you want to see life and other people..did he/ she suffer as much as i did, is not a consciousness i wish to live with, thanks your perception is your reality, you create and recreate it everyday with your thoughts words, deeds and actions..however that is your life and noone elses, you cannot say what is perfect for them or what isnt..you are not them, you dont know their purpose here and therefore have no idea how they are meant to get there..that however goes into the realms of the quantum physics and we wont go there tonight xx enjoy all of duality, but there is a space where inclusiveness can be achieved and a different awareness can be manifest and lived here..thats not an ideal world, that is the nature of life itself. very real and totally unconcerned And I bring you back to respect.so its another word..bandied around..i could say you dont respect the institution of marriage..yet you would say that you do and he doesnt...whos to say whos right or wrong..its subjective, its not fixed..if you are lucky two or more people agree on what ;respect' is to them, but you haven't a hope of making all the population agree with you.. and neither should you be able to, its not your business to go around dictating what other people should do... I'm not dictating anything to anyone. I'm simply voicing my opinions. I have no doubt that my opinions will have very little if any impact on anyone. Quite honestly I don't care what the op does. What I do care about is the people who end up being hurt by other people's actions. But like you say it's his life. But if you don't want people to comment then it's best to keep your mouth shut in the first place. I can tell you this, I have no respect for those who have no respect for respect, be it for yourself or others. The world where no one cares is a very sad place indeed." however you can pick and choose who you care about..they must obey your rules in order to be respected by you...you dont care and neither apparently does he ...that from my perspective makes you the same, you may both be hurting people, you both dont care and you both are in the world still carrying on separately with no understanding of each other...i dont see any difference at all.. | |||
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" .why if nsa sex, is 'nothing', do you get so concerned, about someone else, doing it whatever their circumstances? It's not something that I would consider myself "concerned" about, just something I would comment on in a forum. For me it's not the fact that he is having sex that is the bad thing, its the fact that he is lying to his wife. how many times have you lied to your mum, dad, friend, gf, bf, wife husband..dont use the marriage thing as some form of fortress..its not invincible..its a piece of paper a bit of legalese to makes you feel more secure in society ..thats it. all that is left, is what is between two individuals..you and your partner, you arent the same, as anyone else, and they are not the same as you..im sure you dont want anyone else's relationship, but you cant expect them to want yours either..same goes for the definition you hark on about as 'swinging' look around you, you hold onto that definition, because if it changes, you would have to shift your perspective and you dont want to..it supports you as it is, fuck anyone else,,it s a word that supports and justifies your actions within your relationship..thats cool..but thats what it is..its an inflated sense of security, that you can throw at other people, when you feel justified in doing so..well bless you, but it doesnt wash with me... Ok I'll take it piece by piece. I can't remember the last lie I told, I try not to, I don't really see the point. Marriages are indeed legal, and gives some extra protections within the law. It doesn't really make me feel more secure in society, but I am proud of my marriage. I dont think I'm alone in this, and that's why I support same sex marriage so that they can get the same legal protections and show society their committment to each other. I agree that marriage isn't a fortress, and have never said that it was. Like you say, I don't want anyone elses relationship, I'm happy with mine. I don't expect anyone to want my relationship, or my my relationship dynamics. However, I would say that I am very happy in my relationship, and I hope that other people are happy in theirs too. My definition of swinging is that swinging is a form of ethical non-monogamy. The ethical part means that everyone is informed and consenting to what is happening, and the non-monogamy part relates to having sexual activity outside of the relationship. I think that this can be couples, or single who have either been ethically non-monogamous in the past, or who would be interested in trying that in the future. My definition for example doesn't cover a single person having sex with another single person. I think if you surveyed the general public they wouldn't consider that swinging either. If you did virtually every teenager and student would be a swinger. I think people who DO want the definition to charge, want to expand it, rather than say that couples having sex with other couples don't fit the definition anymore. I'm not sure in which way it supports me, but I guess it does make me feel more secure in some ways. Monogamy wasn't right for me, the fact that there were other people living ethically non-monogamous lives, and the fact that there are websites, forums, clubs, books, podcasts etc. talking about a different way of living made me feel more secure to try it. I would assume that people in the LGBT community feel the same about also having a community of like-minded people around them. And sorry I dont really understand what you are getting at with your last sentence. just one thing to say "Monogamy wasn't right for me" and neither apparently is it for the op..factually the same..you aren't any 'better' or different, than he is..no more ethical, no more worthy, no more secure, you both are beings, wanting multiple sexual partners..fact..you want to call it whatever you want to call it, because of the way you've arranged your words and societal affirmations.. strip that away..you have sex with multiple partners, what gives you the right to stop him from feeling the same about it, as you do... They aren't the same at all. Obe is a liar and one isn't! " you are a liar when you came to saying you vows before 'god' too..you have lied and you carry on those lies..he doesnt live within his marriage vows, and neither do you...you dont hold up societies values on marriage..so if it doesnt have a say on your lies, how can you expect to be seen as different to him ? he lies to his wife, you lie to society..i cant see the difference | |||
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" .why if nsa sex, is 'nothing', do you get so concerned, about someone else, doing it whatever their circumstances? It's not something that I would consider myself "concerned" about, just something I would comment on in a forum. For me it's not the fact that he is having sex that is the bad thing, its the fact that he is lying to his wife. how many times have you lied to your mum, dad, friend, gf, bf, wife husband..dont use the marriage thing as some form of fortress..its not invincible..its a piece of paper a bit of legalese to makes you feel more secure in society ..thats it. all that is left, is what is between two individuals..you and your partner, you arent the same, as anyone else, and they are not the same as you..im sure you dont want anyone else's relationship, but you cant expect them to want yours either..same goes for the definition you hark on about as 'swinging' look around you, you hold onto that definition, because if it changes, you would have to shift your perspective and you dont want to..it supports you as it is, fuck anyone else,,it s a word that supports and justifies your actions within your relationship..thats cool..but thats what it is..its an inflated sense of security, that you can throw at other people, when you feel justified in doing so..well bless you, but it doesnt wash with me... There is a huge difference between an ideal world and the real world. People have feelings and hurt is real. maybe its just a freakin choice of how you want to see life and other people..did he/ she suffer as much as i did, is not a consciousness i wish to live with, thanks your perception is your reality, you create and recreate it everyday with your thoughts words, deeds and actions..however that is your life and noone elses, you cannot say what is perfect for them or what isnt..you are not them, you dont know their purpose here and therefore have no idea how they are meant to get there..that however goes into the realms of the quantum physics and we wont go there tonight xx enjoy all of duality, but there is a space where inclusiveness can be achieved and a different awareness can be manifest and lived here..thats not an ideal world, that is the nature of life itself. very real and totally unconcerned And I bring you back to respect.so its another word..bandied around..i could say you dont respect the institution of marriage..yet you would say that you do and he doesnt...whos to say whos right or wrong..its subjective, its not fixed..if you are lucky two or more people agree on what ;respect' is to them, but you haven't a hope of making all the population agree with you.. and neither should you be able to, its not your business to go around dictating what other people should do... I'm not dictating anything to anyone. I'm simply voicing my opinions. I have no doubt that my opinions will have very little if any impact on anyone. Quite honestly I don't care what the op does. What I do care about is the people who end up being hurt by other people's actions. But like you say it's his life. But if you don't want people to comment then it's best to keep your mouth shut in the first place. I can tell you this, I have no respect for those who have no respect for respect, be it for yourself or others. The world where no one cares is a very sad place indeed.however you can pick and choose who you care about..they must obey your rules in order to be respected by you...you dont care and neither apparently does he ...that from my perspective makes you the same, you may both be hurting people, you both dont care and you both are in the world still carrying on separately with no understanding of each other...i dont see any difference at all.." I'm sorry but youve got some serious issues. Being a liar is wrong, pure and simple. I can't even begin to understand how you can defend being a liar. And nobody has to obey anything I say. | |||
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" .why if nsa sex, is 'nothing', do you get so concerned, about someone else, doing it whatever their circumstances? It's not something that I would consider myself "concerned" about, just something I would comment on in a forum. For me it's not the fact that he is having sex that is the bad thing, its the fact that he is lying to his wife. how many times have you lied to your mum, dad, friend, gf, bf, wife husband..dont use the marriage thing as some form of fortress..its not invincible..its a piece of paper a bit of legalese to makes you feel more secure in society ..thats it. all that is left, is what is between two individuals..you and your partner, you arent the same, as anyone else, and they are not the same as you..im sure you dont want anyone else's relationship, but you cant expect them to want yours either..same goes for the definition you hark on about as 'swinging' look around you, you hold onto that definition, because if it changes, you would have to shift your perspective and you dont want to..it supports you as it is, fuck anyone else,,it s a word that supports and justifies your actions within your relationship..thats cool..but thats what it is..its an inflated sense of security, that you can throw at other people, when you feel justified in doing so..well bless you, but it doesnt wash with me... Ok I'll take it piece by piece. I can't remember the last lie I told, I try not to, I don't really see the point. Marriages are indeed legal, and gives some extra protections within the law. It doesn't really make me feel more secure in society, but I am proud of my marriage. I dont think I'm alone in this, and that's why I support same sex marriage so that they can get the same legal protections and show society their committment to each other. I agree that marriage isn't a fortress, and have never said that it was. Like you say, I don't want anyone elses relationship, I'm happy with mine. I don't expect anyone to want my relationship, or my my relationship dynamics. However, I would say that I am very happy in my relationship, and I hope that other people are happy in theirs too. My definition of swinging is that swinging is a form of ethical non-monogamy. The ethical part means that everyone is informed and consenting to what is happening, and the non-monogamy part relates to having sexual activity outside of the relationship. I think that this can be couples, or single who have either been ethically non-monogamous in the past, or who would be interested in trying that in the future. My definition for example doesn't cover a single person having sex with another single person. I think if you surveyed the general public they wouldn't consider that swinging either. If you did virtually every teenager and student would be a swinger. I think people who DO want the definition to charge, want to expand it, rather than say that couples having sex with other couples don't fit the definition anymore. I'm not sure in which way it supports me, but I guess it does make me feel more secure in some ways. Monogamy wasn't right for me, the fact that there were other people living ethically non-monogamous lives, and the fact that there are websites, forums, clubs, books, podcasts etc. talking about a different way of living made me feel more secure to try it. I would assume that people in the LGBT community feel the same about also having a community of like-minded people around them. And sorry I dont really understand what you are getting at with your last sentence. just one thing to say "Monogamy wasn't right for me" and neither apparently is it for the op..factually the same..you aren't any 'better' or different, than he is..no more ethical, no more worthy, no more secure, you both are beings, wanting multiple sexual partners..fact..you want to call it whatever you want to call it, because of the way you've arranged your words and societal affirmations.. strip that away..you have sex with multiple partners, what gives you the right to stop him from feeling the same about it, as you do... They aren't the same at all. Obe is a liar and one isn't! you are a liar when you came to saying you vows before 'god' too..you have lied and you carry on those lies..he doesnt live within his marriage vows, and neither do you...you dont hold up societies values on marriage..so if it doesnt have a say on your lies, how can you expect to be seen as different to him ? he lies to his wife, you lie to society..i cant see the difference" When did I make these vows? | |||
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" "Monogamy wasn't right for me" and neither apparently is it for the op..factually the same..you aren't any 'better' or different, than he is..no more ethical, no more worthy, no more secure, you both are beings, wanting multiple sexual partners..fact..you want to call it whatever you want to call it, because of the way you've arranged your words and societal affirmations.. strip that away..you have sex with multiple partners, what gives you the right to stop him from feeling the same about it, as you do..." Well I see a difference (obviously ). I made an agreement with my wife to be monogamous with my wife. When i realised that that wasn't what I wanted, we talked about it, and both agreed that that wasn't what we wanted anymore, and agreed to be non-monogamous.
The OP also made the agreement to be monogamous, but then (I am assuming) didn't tell his wife that he no longer wanted that. So she believes they are still monogamous, when in fact they arent.
So as I said above, its not the sex that I focus on, its the deceit. Lets look at another example, going to the beach. Most people wouldn't have a problem with the act of going to the beach. If a man went to the beach with his wife, everyone would think that was fine. If a man said to his wife "I'm going to the beach", everyone would think that was fine. If a man said to his wife "I'm going to work today" and then went to the beach instead, some people would think that was wrong. Wouldn't they? | |||
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" "Monogamy wasn't right for me" and neither apparently is it for the op..factually the same..you aren't any 'better' or different, than he is..no more ethical, no more worthy, no more secure, you both are beings, wanting multiple sexual partners..fact..you want to call it whatever you want to call it, because of the way you've arranged your words and societal affirmations.. strip that away..you have sex with multiple partners, what gives you the right to stop him from feeling the same about it, as you do... Well I see a difference (obviously ). I made an agreement with my wife to be monogamous with my wife. When i realised that that wasn't what I wanted, we talked about it, and both agreed that that wasn't what we wanted anymore, and agreed to be non-monogamous.
The OP also made the agreement to be monogamous, but then (I am assuming) didn't tell his wife that he no longer wanted that. So she believes they are still monogamous, when in fact they arent.
So as I said above, its not the sex that I focus on, its the deceit. Lets look at another example, going to the beach. Most people wouldn't have a problem with the act of going to the beach. If a man went to the beach with his wife, everyone would think that was fine. If a man said to his wife "I'm going to the beach", everyone would think that was fine. If a man said to his wife "I'm going to work today" and then went to the beach instead, some people would think that was wrong. Wouldn't they? "In short, a lie is a lie. | |||
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"To all the people taking the moral high ground on this issue. do you tell all your friends and that you are swingers. if not how can you play holier than thou when you are telling lies about you sex life. Dont get me wrong i don't think its right but its their choice" that should be friends and family | |||
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"To all the people taking the moral high ground on this issue. do you tell all your friends and that you are swingers. if not how can you play holier than thou when you are telling lies about you sex life. Dont get me wrong i don't think its right but its their choice" We don't discuss our sex life with our friends. Its none of there business. Its got nothing to do with it. | |||
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"To all the people taking the moral high ground on this issue. do you tell all your friends and that you are swingers. if not how can you play holier than thou when you are telling lies about you sex life. Dont get me wrong i don't think its right but its their choice We don't discuss our sex life with our friends. Its none of there business. Its got nothing to do with it." And we don't discuss it with our family eithere and that also has nothing to do with it. | |||
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"To all the people taking the moral high ground on this issue. do you tell all your friends and that you are swingers. if not how can you play holier than thou when you are telling lies about you sex life. Dont get me wrong i don't think its right but its their choice" We have told our friends. My family don't discuss our sex lives. | |||
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"Ok so one type of lie is fine the other isnt. So glad we've cleared that one up" We haven't cleared anything up! Cheating and lies are wrong. I don't understand your point. | |||
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"Ok so one type of lie is fine the other isnt. So glad we've cleared that one up We haven't cleared anything up! Cheating and lies are wrong. I don't understand your point." I don't think you do either tbh | |||
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"Btw do you have any pictures of your wife? I'm off work thursday" I,m his wife and I,m off Thursday XXX | |||
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(ok maybe be more or less ) | |||
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"Everyone has their own journey and backstory and reasons for being on here - despite what some may think it's rarely as simple as black and white and some reasons will be more valid than others. It's not for me to pass comment on others lifestyle choices or ethics. Some would say we're ALL unethical being on here so it will all depend on your own subjective view of your own personal morals. My view - best to declare your status to others on here you are looking to meet so people can make an informed choice about whether to meet you or not. Lots of people will meet marrieds, lots won't. Their choice and I'm not going to judge either way. However most of the attached people, men and women (of which there are a lot too) just get on with it without broadcasting or bringing attention to it - it's those that tend to revel in their marriedness (is there such a word!?) that get most of the scorn on here .. " I love that word!!! It's a thing now dan!!! G x | |||
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"Everyone has their own journey and backstory and reasons for being on here - despite what some may think it's rarely as simple as black and white and some reasons will be more valid than others. It's not for me to pass comment on others lifestyle choices or ethics. Some would say we're ALL unethical being on here so it will all depend on your own subjective view of your own personal morals. My view - best to declare your status to others on here you are looking to meet so people can make an informed choice about whether to meet you or not. Lots of people will meet marrieds, lots won't. Their choice and I'm not going to judge either way. However most of the attached people, men and women (of which there are a lot too) just get on with it without broadcasting or bringing attention to it - it's those that tend to revel in their marriedness (is there such a word!?) that get most of the scorn on here .. "
Those that revel in it... rub everyone's faces in it... those people deserve the scorn and venom. | |||
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"Yes it's ur choice and yes you have more to lose, just a shame that a shag means more than your wife and marriage (Mrs H)" | |||
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" my non personal, general, non pointy finger opinion.. who says what, is ethical..who passes judgement on that..you?..wow, who are you....the all seer? i don't pretend to be ethical, im not moral either.i am however non judgemental, inclusive and accepting of other people. no one possesses anyone, or wants to, unless they are insecure about losing it..thats my opinion..i treat people as beings..and those in a sexless marriage ( whatever marriage is these days), not forgetting, 'forsaking all others'..bullshit is out moded.. it takes two to tango.or not..parts of a relationship may work and not other parts. and dont tell me couples dont lie to each other..people lie to themselves all the time...and to each other..your 'truth' is subjective, as is mine, as is the op's. its not real or fixed, its man made, subject to change, alteration, expansion...fluid are you telling me divorce would be better? over nsa sex...such a lot of emphasis on it not meaning anything on here, why the heck should you be bothered by it...? ..people shouldn't have to go without physical affection..that wasnt part of the marriage deal..one broken vow on one side, one broken vow on the other, get over it..its all about a pretentious set of society values, which in one hand you fight with 'swinging' and the next minute you use for your set of projected values...what a load of fantasists.. do what you want op..its your life and you'll be a long time dead..be well and be happy...if you can...x You are quite right we are a long time dead and we all have the right to be happy. I won't argue that at all. But.... lying to your partner about who you are and sleeping around behind there back is fundermently wrong. Put yourself in her shoes should she find out. Lies and deceit are a large factor in what's wrong with this world. And adding to it makes it worst. I would suggest that the op grows a pair and leaves his wife if he wants to continue being here and living this lifestyle or ask his wife to join him here.... honestly..i would look at myself and realise i didnt give him what he needed, allow him to express his needs within the relationship, and i wasnt open enough to hear him or support him in his journey in life..but then i am unusual..to feel someone had to lie to me, would be hurtful, but i wouldnt blame him. id look very closely at my own behaviour and expectations of someone i supposedly 'loved'...but then i value peoples freedom to be, more than anything else this lifetime, ive lived and died and lived again...its very short here, no time to be miserable, or suppressed or have regrets..otherwise you are already dead...in 100 years it would all be forgotten..so its actually not that important..the only gift we have is now, and thats for living...again this is how i live and love and laugh...no one can take that away, unless i let them..and i aint gonna do that and neither should anyone of you, in your choices of what makes you a fulfilled person..for some its one thing and for others another...its doesnt have to be everyones cup of tea, but it doesnt have to be derided, sneered at or condemned either x" You are obviously very free thinking and free spirited and sexually open minded. But most are not, most people would be super pissed off their life partner is shagging the arse off someone else. It really grates that when folk cheat people automatically assume they are not having their needs satisfied at home. 9/10 they are, they just like the thrill of getting caught, having their cake and eating it. I think it's a bit unfair to lay the blame of someone cheating at the door of someone who may not realise there is a problem in their marriage because the issue has never been raised with them. It's a cop out. And an easy cop out at best. | |||
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"Yep that's me!!! Is there a reason why so many people in here are so offended even though I'm honest from the beginning? .... Surely it's me that has more to loose? And ultimately we are all here for one thing ... (Que ferocious backlash... Lol) "We're here to improve our marital sex life, you're here to cheat on your marial sex life. I'd say ultimately were here for very different reasons! | |||
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"Oh I get that, but my point is that I choose to cheat... Not the ladies I meet on here, I just believe that if I'm honest it allows for playing to be easier... But lots of people seem to take great offence at this... And let's be honest there is a lot of guys, and girls on here who aren't be very honest about their current relationship status x" | |||
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"Blimey!! I appear to have set the world on fire!!! "You obviously haven't been using the forums then as you would know that this subject evokes war every time its posted | |||
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"Blimey!! I appear to have set the world on fire!!! "Yeah you lit the touch paper..... | |||
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"I wouldn't meet a married woman who isn't there with her husband or his permission. I have done it before and felt bad for him. This is a swingers website not a sex site. " Contrary to what many profiles say.."this is a sex site after all"  | |||
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"Clearly someone isn't happy at home why cheat? Why not do the responsible thing and communicate? I'm in a open marriage we play separately but that's us " excately | |||
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"Yep that's me!!! Is there a reason why so many people in here are so offended even though I'm honest from the beginning? .... Surely it's me that has more to loose? And ultimately we are all here for one thing ... (Que ferocious backlash... Lol)
Why don't you just get on with it?!!
How you choose your partners and use the site is your choice. Afford others the same courtesy, but then why am I surprised you have a sense of entitlement. You married men that start these whiny threads are all cut from the same cloth and spout the same lame phrase "we're all here for the same thing!" Erm...no!
Stick to those who will meet you and leave those in peace who don't want any part of you.
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"Spot on... There's a huge difference between true swingers and just meeting random people for sex (although both are fine by me) Thats what separates fab from sites such as Ashley maidison, tinder etc. My lady knows what I do... If I wanted meet just anybody there's plenty of other sites for that. I think some people sign up to fab thinking they will get a meet within a few days! " that's the difference she knows and is happy with your set up same with me & my fellaface | |||
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"Oh I get that, but my point is that I choose to cheat... Not the ladies I meet on here, I just believe that if I'm honest it allows for playing to be easier... But lots of people seem to take great offence at this... And let's be honest there is a lot of guys, and girls on here who aren't be very honest about their current relationship status x" I would hate a man to cheat on me. If I fuck a married guy I am facilitating his cheating hence I would be hypocritical. And that's why I don't fuck married men. | |||
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"Oh I get that, but my point is that I choose to cheat... Not the ladies I meet on here, I just believe that if I'm honest it allows for playing to be easier... But lots of people seem to take great offence at this... And let's be honest there is a lot of guys, and girls on here who aren't be very honest about their current relationship status x I would hate a man to cheat on me. If I fuck a married guy I am facilitating his cheating hence I would be hypocritical. And that's why I don't fuck married men. " | |||
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"Yep that's me!!! Is there a reason why so many people in here are so offended even though I'm honest from the beginning? .... Surely it's me that has more to loose? And ultimately we are all here for one thing ... (Que ferocious backlash... Lol)
Why don't you just get on with it?!!
How you choose your partners and use the site is your choice. Afford others the same courtesy, but then why am I surprised you have a sense of entitlement. You married men that start these whiny threads are all cut from the same cloth and spout the same lame phrase "we're all here for the same thing!" Erm...no!
Stick to those who will meet you and leave those in peace who don't want any part of you.
"this.. although its not as odious a whine as the ones of both genders who feel the need to publicly blame their unaware other half.. that is the pits.. | |||
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"Everbody deserves a sex life,having said that i wouldnt do it again(yep got caught)my ex forgives but never forgets "Does his wife deserve a sex life? | |||
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"Oh I get that, but my point is that I choose to cheat... Not the ladies I meet on here, I just believe that if I'm honest it allows for playing to be easier... But lots of people seem to take great offence at this... And let's be honest there is a lot of guys, and girls on here who aren't be very honest about their current relationship status x I would hate a man to cheat on me. If I fuck a married guy I am facilitating his cheating hence I would be hypocritical. And that's why I don't fuck married men. " Do you check before interacting with fellow forumites & fab'ing pics their marital status? I think facilitating someone's cheating comes in many guises ~ often the person being cheated on will say it wasn't necessarily the act of sex but the in-jokes, laughs, separate existence / life that hurt them the most ~ almost what people share on here on a daily basis. That's not directed at you personally B it's just you happened to mention the word facilitate. x | |||
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"To all the people taking the moral high ground on this issue. do you tell all your friends and that you are swingers. if not how can you play holier than thou when you are telling lies about you sex life. Dont get me wrong i don't think its right but its their choice" what a strange outlook? so all your friends and family know your private and personal details, really..?? its not holier than thou to not be part of any dynamic certainly one such as the OP is in for some who have been there it will only bring back very painful memories and its certainly not holier than thou to not want to be part of that hurt for an innocent, unaware partner.. i agree it's their choice also, its also the choice of others to not participate in that type of meet.. fair play to those who are open about their status as that allows others the information they need to choose, scorn and shame on those who blame their partner for why they are on here.. | |||
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"Honest and cheating in the same sentence ?" Honest "enough" to get a leg over...... I think that's how they think it works Not going to get preachy.. But will get real when I say I have seen the devastating effect of when someone finds out their partner was on swinging sites without their knowledge and I wouldn't wish that pain and anger on anyone Certainly made me look at the way I did my swinging and the choices I made When I started did I meet married people without others knowledge .... Yep, not going to lie Would I now.... Not on your life | |||
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"Everbody deserves a sex life,having said that i wouldnt do it again(yep got caught)my ex forgives but never forgets "not sure i agree that everyone does deserve a sex life, we all have that need yes but whether we have a right to one ? sometimes think that some do feel a sense of entitlement to have that amazing sex life, tick off the boxes with meeting people of different colours or nationalities so to speak.. if there is a right to a satisfying sex life then with any right there is surely a responsibility towards another in the relationship? not judging, your post just made me think (probably too deep before coffee time) | |||
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" my non personal, general, non pointy finger opinion.. who says what, is ethical..who passes judgement on that..you?..wow, who are you....the all seer? i don't pretend to be ethical, im not moral either.i am however non judgemental, inclusive and accepting of other people. no one possesses anyone, or wants to, unless they are insecure about losing it..thats my opinion..i treat people as beings..and those in a sexless marriage ( whatever marriage is these days), not forgetting, 'forsaking all others'..bullshit is out moded.. it takes two to tango.or not..parts of a relationship may work and not other parts. and dont tell me couples dont lie to each other..people lie to themselves all the time...and to each other..your 'truth' is subjective, as is mine, as is the op's. its not real or fixed, its man made, subject to change, alteration, expansion...fluid are you telling me divorce would be better? over nsa sex...such a lot of emphasis on it not meaning anything on here, why the heck should you be bothered by it...? ..people shouldn't have to go without physical affection..that wasnt part of the marriage deal..one broken vow on one side, one broken vow on the other, get over it..its all about a pretentious set of society values, which in one hand you fight with 'swinging' and the next minute you use for your set of projected values...what a load of fantasists.. do what you want op..its your life and you'll be a long time dead..be well and be happy...if you can...x" | |||
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"Yep that's me!!! Is there a reason why so many people in here are so offended even though I'm honest from the beginning? .... Surely it's me that has more to loose? And ultimately we are all here for one thing ... (Que ferocious backlash... Lol) "Yes that's me as well, no point in hiding the fact and lying about it, that only causes more problems when you tell a potential meet that you can't meet at the drop of a hat. | |||
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" "Monogamy wasn't right for me" and neither apparently is it for the op..factually the same..you aren't any 'better' or different, than he is..no more ethical, no more worthy, no more secure, you both are beings, wanting multiple sexual partners..fact..you want to call it whatever you want to call it, because of the way you've arranged your words and societal affirmations.. strip that away..you have sex with multiple partners, what gives you the right to stop him from feeling the same about it, as you do... Well I see a difference (obviously ). I made an agreement with my wife to be monogamous with my wife. When i realised that that wasn't what I wanted, we talked about it, and both agreed that that wasn't what we wanted anymore, and agreed to be non-monogamous.
The OP also made the agreement to be monogamous, but then (I am assuming) didn't tell his wife that he no longer wanted that. So she believes they are still monogamous, when in fact they arent.
So as I said above, its not the sex that I focus on, its the deceit. Lets look at another example, going to the beach. Most people wouldn't have a problem with the act of going to the beach. If a man went to the beach with his wife, everyone would think that was fine. If a man said to his wife "I'm going to the beach", everyone would think that was fine. If a man said to his wife "I'm going to work today" and then went to the beach instead, some people would think that was wrong. Wouldn't they?
In short, a lie is a lie."He could work at the beach. And therefore he didn't lie. It's an assumption that he went to the beach and not to a place of work. So you've highlighted everything that is wrong with these forums in your example. People are so quick to assume and judge and condemn. | |||
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"To all the people taking the moral high ground on this issue. do you tell all your friends and that you are swingers. if not how can you play holier than thou when you are telling lies about you sex life. Dont get me wrong i don't think its right but its their choice what a strange outlook? so all your friends and family know your private and personal details, really..?? its not holier than thou to not be part of any dynamic certainly one such as the OP is in for some who have been there it will only bring back very painful memories and its certainly not holier than thou to not want to be part of that hurt for an innocent, unaware partner.. i agree it's their choice also, its also the choice of others to not participate in that type of meet.. fair play to those who are open about their status as that allows others the information they need to choose, scorn and shame on those who blame their partner for why they are on here.. " Very strange outlook I agree! | |||
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" Don't mind CLCC, they've mistaken this for a swinging site. They are (correctly) saying that swinging is ethical non-monogamy (by definition) and they are here for swinging because the site is called "fab swingers". People who are cheating aren't swinging and therefore it could be argued they are here for the wrong reasons. It's not an irrational position but you don't have to agree with it. The definition of a swinger is slang for someone who lives an uninhibited lifestyle." News to me | |||
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"I wonder if the reaction would be the same if the OP was a woman? Would there be blokes (and quite a few couples) queuing up to excuse the behaviour?" I think we all know what the answer to that is! | |||
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"I wonder if the reaction would be the same if the OP was a woman? Would there be blokes (and quite a few couples) queuing up to excuse the behaviour? I think we all know what the answer to that is! "...op.... I think you may be confusing being offended with rejection. | |||
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"Oh I get that, but my point is that I choose to cheat... Not the ladies I meet on here, I just believe that if I'm honest it allows for playing to be easier... But lots of people seem to take great offence at this... And let's be honest there is a lot of guys, and girls on here who aren't be very honest about their current relationship status x I would hate a man to cheat on me. If I fuck a married guy I am facilitating his cheating hence I would be hypocritical. And that's why I don't fuck married men. Do you check before interacting with fellow forumites & fab'ing pics their marital status? I think facilitating someone's cheating comes in many guises ~ often the person being cheated on will say it wasn't necessarily the act of sex but the in-jokes, laughs, separate existence / life that hurt them the most ~ almost what people share on here on a daily basis. That's not directed at you personally B it's just you happened to mention the word facilitate. x" If I'm chatting about the vote or fabbing no I have male friends married taken or single that I chat to and even go out for drinks with. Would I hold a sexual conversation or sexually meet with a married man. No many will tell you that. It's just my limit. | |||
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"I wonder if the reaction would be the same if the OP was a woman? Would there be blokes (and quite a few couples) queuing up to excuse the behaviour? I think we all know what the answer to that is! ...op.... I think you may be confusing being offended with rejection. "Not at all... I'm perfectly comfortable with it... And I get more than enough. Just tickles me how people on here try and justify their own misdemeanours | |||
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" "Monogamy wasn't right for me" and neither apparently is it for the op..factually the same..you aren't any 'better' or different, than he is..no more ethical, no more worthy, no more secure, you both are beings, wanting multiple sexual partners..fact..you want to call it whatever you want to call it, because of the way you've arranged your words and societal affirmations.. strip that away..you have sex with multiple partners, what gives you the right to stop him from feeling the same about it, as you do... Well I see a difference (obviously ). I made an agreement with my wife to be monogamous with my wife. When i realised that that wasn't what I wanted, we talked about it, and both agreed that that wasn't what we wanted anymore, and agreed to be non-monogamous.
The OP also made the agreement to be monogamous, but then (I am assuming) didn't tell his wife that he no longer wanted that. So she believes they are still monogamous, when in fact they arent.
So as I said above, its not the sex that I focus on, its the deceit. Lets look at another example, going to the beach. Most people wouldn't have a problem with the act of going to the beach. If a man went to the beach with his wife, everyone would think that was fine. If a man said to his wife "I'm going to the beach", everyone would think that was fine. If a man said to his wife "I'm going to work today" and then went to the beach instead, some people would think that was wrong. Wouldn't they?
In short, a lie is a lie.
He could work at the beach. And therefore he didn't lie. It's an assumption that he went to the beach and not to a place of work. So you've highlighted everything that is wrong with these forums in your example. People are so quick to assume and judge and condemn. "No because it says he went to the beach INSTEAD. | |||
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"I wonder if the reaction would be the same if the OP was a woman? Would there be blokes (and quite a few couples) queuing up to excuse the behaviour?" equal ops for me.... i don't care if the person doing it is a man or a woman.... they would get the same answer... | |||
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"To all the people taking the moral high ground on this issue. do you tell all your friends and that you are swingers. if not how can you play holier than thou when you are telling lies about you sex life. Dont get me wrong i don't think its right but its their choice" I don't lie to my friends about my sex life. I don't tell my friends anything about my sex life, just as they don't tell me what they get upto with their old man between the sheets. Why the fuck would I?!?! | |||
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"I wonder if the reaction would be the same if the OP was a woman? Would there be blokes (and quite a few couples) queuing up to excuse the behaviour? I think we all know what the answer to that is! ...op.... I think you may be confusing being offended with rejection.
Not at all... I'm perfectly comfortable with it... And I get more than enough. Just tickles me how people on here try and justify their own misdemeanours ".....from a moral standpoint, we couldn't care less if you're married or single. however logistically, meets are much easier to arrange if the other party doesn't have to "make excuses" to get away. ..or "I can only stay an hour". Having said all that, I don't see any difference in your"honesty" and other people's misdemeanours? ...you advertise, they don't. ...big deal | |||
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"I think what annoys people most ,is the constant asking why people won't meet married men. We all have preferences ,even though you are being upfront it won't sit well with some.Thats their choice just as its a choice to play away. Miss," | |||
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"Oh I get that, but my point is that I choose to cheat... Not the ladies I meet on here, I just believe that if I'm honest it allows for playing to be easier... But lots of people seem to take great offence at this... And let's be honest there is a lot of guys, and girls on here who aren't be very honest about their current relationship status x" The people you meet are also cheating on your partner with you, and just because other people lie that doesn't make your lie Ok, you know what you are doing is wrong hence the poor reasoning to try and justify it | |||
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"I don't think I have come across a forum thread with more pretentious pseudobabble than this one - good grief, even quantum physics has been invoked. Surely the issue is a simple one. The OP advertises himself as a liar - he openly admits he lies to his partner. If you don't think there is anything wrong with lying then meet him, and if you think lying is deplorable (as we do) then don't. It isn't quantum physics!" | |||
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"This is a topic I brought up a few months ago. I find it hilarious that people get very picky and judgemental over a married/attached man playing on here without his wife/partners consent. Yet a married woman doing the same thing on here never causes ructions, and it definitely doesn't get in the way of them getting meets. Just sayin. "I have seen many women on here get lambasted for playing without husband knowledge. | |||
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"Everbody deserves a sex life,having said that i wouldnt do it again(yep got caught)my ex forgives but never forgets
Does his wife deserve a sex life? "Off course,its up to her shes an adult | |||
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"ultimately we are all here for one thing We are here for ethical non-monogamy. If she isn't informed and consenting to you playing with others, then it's not ethical. " I am having ethical non monogamy love it | |||
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"This is a topic I brought up a few months ago. I find it hilarious that people get very picky and judgemental over a married/attached man playing on here without his wife/partners consent. Yet a married woman doing the same thing on here never causes ructions, and it definitely doesn't get in the way of them getting meets. Just sayin.
I have seen many women on here get lambasted for playing without husband knowledge.
"Ive yet to see an example of that. Whilst im sure it probably does happen.. its nowhere near the scale a man would get. I guess thats the difference between the genders. Obvs the men really arent fussy if a woman is attached. | |||
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"This is a topic I brought up a few months ago. I find it hilarious that people get very picky and judgemental over a married/attached man playing on here without his wife/partners consent. Yet a married woman doing the same thing on here never causes ructions, and it definitely doesn't get in the way of them getting meets. Just sayin. "Spot on,one rule for one and all that | |||
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"This is a topic I brought up a few months ago. I find it hilarious that people get very picky and judgemental over a married/attached man playing on here without his wife/partners consent. Yet a married woman doing the same thing on here never causes ructions, and it definitely doesn't get in the way of them getting meets. Just sayin.
I have seen many women on here get lambasted for playing without husband knowledge.
Ive yet to see an example of that. Whilst im sure it probably does happen.. its nowhere near the scale a man would get. I guess thats the difference between the genders. Obvs the men really arent fussy if a woman is attached. "I have seen two couples on here, not naming anyone, who have meet married women and then go all moral over threads on married men. | |||
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"ethical non monogomy.. the realisation that your cock and pussy is no more precious because of your marriage licence, than anyone elses and, whats more, your partner agrees... "Were the ancients monogamous Suzy? | |||
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"ethical non monogomy.. the realisation that your cock and pussy is no more precious because of your marriage licence, than anyone elses and, whats more, your partner agrees...
Were the ancients monogamous Suzy? "doubt it, but then i believe they were into unconditional inclusiveness through personal self responsibility..nature is nature, bits of paper dont change human hature, wanting to control instead of embracing sexuality as normal..its just there have been several attempts to make it a filthy act, taboo, not appropriate to talk about..i challenge society,and its corrupting history, not personal preference, situations or circumstance. you are all here, through the copulation of others, some say the love of thousands, i just say be free and, let others be free also, without prejudice x | |||
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"ethical non monogomy.. the realisation that your cock and pussy is no more precious because of your marriage licence, than anyone elses and, whats more, your partner agrees...
Were the ancients monogamous Suzy? doubt it, but then i believe they were into unconditional inclusiveness through personal self responsibility..nature is nature, bits of paper dont change human hature, wanting to control instead of embracing sexuality as normal..its just there have been several attempts to make it a filthy act, taboo, not appropriate to talk about..i challenge society,and its corrupting history, not personal preference, situations or circumstance.
you are all here, through the copulation of others, some say the love of thousands, i just say be free and, let others be free also, without prejudice x"OK well I agree! Wasn't expecting that. Ethical Non-monogamy is am attempt to balance that nature with the cultural constraints that were created more recently. If we'd invented condoms when we invented gun powder then who knows what the world would look like now. | |||
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"Look Op , cheating is only bad if you're shagging someone that is uglier or at a lower station than your wife... If you get caught with Pippa Middleton the wife will forgive you. If you get caught with any woman that has been on Jeremy Kyle you're in big trouble... Keep doing what you do on this site. But remember punch above your weight " | |||
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"ethical non monogomy.. the realisation that your cock and pussy is no more precious because of your marriage licence, than anyone elses and, whats more, your partner agrees... " | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"ethical non monogomy.. the realisation that your cock and pussy is no more precious because of your marriage licence, than anyone elses and, whats more, your partner agrees...
Were the ancients monogamous Suzy? doubt it, but then i believe they were into unconditional inclusiveness through personal self responsibility..nature is nature, bits of paper dont change human hature, wanting to control instead of embracing sexuality as normal..its just there have been several attempts to make it a filthy act, taboo, not appropriate to talk about..i challenge society,and its corrupting history, not personal preference, situations or circumstance.
you are all here, through the copulation of others, some say the love of thousands, i just say be free and, let others be free also, without prejudice x".. do we really need anymore gobbledegook on this thread? | |||
Reply privately (closed, thread got too big) | |||
"ethical non monogomy.. the realisation that your cock and pussy is no more precious because of your marriage licence, than anyone elses and, whats more, your partner agrees...
Were the ancients monogamous Suzy? doubt it, but then i believe they were into unconditional inclusiveness through personal self responsibility..nature is nature, bits of paper dont change human hature, wanting to control instead of embracing sexuality as normal..its just there have been several attempts to make it a filthy act, taboo, not appropriate to talk about..i challenge society,and its corrupting history, not personal preference, situations or circumstance.
you are all here, through the copulation of others, some say the love of thousands, i just say be free and, let others be free also, without prejudice x
OK well I agree! Wasn't expecting that.
Ethical Non-monogamy is am attempt to balance that nature with the cultural constraints that were created more recently. If we'd invented condoms when we invented gun powder then who knows what the world would look like now. "right, its an attempt, but doesnt give people the right to say for others whats best for them, what they should and shouldnt do. thats control and no less damaging than the cultural dogma weve all been subjected to..embracing nature, that it is us, theat we are part and not separate from it, brings about wellbeing. societal constructs brings about conflict.. and i am all for inner peace. some dont have inner peace yet, that doesnt mean to say we should all condemn them, its a journey, a process and we should see where they are at, like us, travelling through a life..they are the same in getting to grips with what that nature is...and the more unconditional you become the more we become one human family, equal in our endeavours and struggles, our fears and our joys..what our loves are and what experiences we have..dont deny or shout down people, for their individual experiences..its a stepping stone to understanding their humanness x thats my opinion x | |||
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