FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Should children be given chores ?
Should children be given chores ?
Jump to: Newest in thread
 |
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
And if so what household chores, how often and at what age ?
I had to do chores as a child such as wash dishes and fold laundry. I had a small job each day and it helped me to be more capable once I left home.
However, a friend of mine argues that it is cruel to get your child to help around the house.
What is your experience/opinion ?
Did you have chores ?
Do you think it was a good thing or not ?
Mrs |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Mine do chores....they put their own laundry away and take the recycling out and tidy their own rooms. They also help with the housework sometimes. I used to when i was a kid and it hasn't scarred me for life. If they do something without me asking they get a treat. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"And if so what household chores, how often and at what age ?
I had to do chores as a child such as wash dishes and fold laundry. I had a small job each day and it helped me to be more capable once I left home.
However, a friend of mine argues that it is cruel to get your child to help around the house.
What is your experience/opinion ?
Did you have chores ?
Do you think it was a good thing or not ?
Mrs"
Didn't do me any harm. I used to love cutting the lawns with Dad's Petrol mower. Wasn't quite so keen on cleaning, hoovering, basins and toilets duty but it makes you better at it when you are older. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Children should do chores. At least do something to help out daily.
My girl has the job of washing the paintwork around the house and the kitchen cupboards. Daily she will be asked to assist with something like clearing dinner plates or something. She will be 10 next week. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
i did them - and i gave mine stuff to do but maybe im not as strict at them 'having' to do them as i was made to - its a way of teaching them how to be independant - the only thing nether of them took to was the ironing -  think son went through uni a crumpled mess but hes learnt now he wears a suit and tie to work |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
What's cruel is pandering to your child's every whim, unless it's love, positive physical contact, honesty and time that you're giving. Children thrive on that stuff and the positives of knowing they have helped and achieved something. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I had to do chores when I was a kid and our kids had them too. It's a great way to teach them how to be part of a community/family, instills discipline, teaches life skills and incentivises them....well, that's what it did for us and ours |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Mine do chores....they put their own laundry away and take the recycling out and tidy their own rooms. They also help with the housework sometimes. I used to when i was a kid and it hasn't scarred me for life. If they do something without me asking they get a treat. "
Good idea  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Definitely a good thing,besides I'm not their slave I don't expect them to pick up after me so likewise I'm not picking up after them. They are quite capable of picking up their own rubbish and tidying their mess. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Whoever said it's cruel to get children to do chores is wrong, it prepares them for life. Doing everything for your kids is bad parenting.
For meals our 5 year old sets table. 12 year old clears up, wipes table, clears floor etc. 11 year old washes, 7 year old dries and puts away.
Can be funny sometimes. I found a bobble on the floor, gave it to the 5 year old and said 'put that somewhere' meaning the bobble box. Found out later she'd put it in the fridge lol |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Ours are 6 and 8 and if they want something they have to help earn it. Things like sorting the washing, putting the washing away. Helping lay the table that sort of thing.xxx |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Whoever said it's cruel to get children to do chores is wrong, it prepares them for life. Doing everything for your kids is bad parenting.
For meals our 5 year old sets table. 12 year old clears up, wipes table, clears floor etc. 11 year old washes, 7 year old dries and puts away.
Can be funny sometimes. I found a bobble on the floor, gave it to the 5 year old and said 'put that somewhere' meaning the bobble box. Found out later she'd put it in the fridge lol "
Aww so cute |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Pocket money needs to be earned.
No such thing as a free lunch.
Gives a work ethic I think.
Dad. I want to go to the fair
Cool. That's my car washed "
Love it. I need to be more like this. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Whoever said it's cruel to get children to do chores is wrong, it prepares them for life. Doing everything for your kids is bad parenting.
For meals our 5 year old sets table. 12 year old clears up, wipes table, clears floor etc. 11 year old washes, 7 year old dries and puts away.
Can be funny sometimes. I found a bobble on the floor, gave it to the 5 year old and said 'put that somewhere' meaning the bobble box. Found out later she'd put it in the fridge lol "
This made me lol!
I sometimes do forget that they can be literal. I asked my daughter to take a dirty dish out (meaning out if the dining room and into the kitchen). She put it in the garden  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
in the school holidays we (me and the kids) made a want to do list and a need to list - if they wanted a treat like picnic in the park - or day out in town - cinema etc - we had to do a to do thing each - that way if one of them didnt then they ruined it for all - talk about all hands on deck for a day at the zoo |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
As a child I had chores to do everyday.
I do get my daughter to help around the house as well. I think it's good for them to know that they are not waited on all the time and that jobs need to be done although if I'm honest I'm not that strict about it |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Of course they should. I'm teaching my youngest girl to cook, they need life skills.
I see so many modern young couples in the supermarket loading their trolleys with ready meals, yes I know some have busy lives but it doesn't take that long to chop some veg and put meat in the oven. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
My 3 year old puts her shoes away in the shoe cupboard and tidies her toys up before bedtime.
I think it's a good thing to give them small tasks, and she gets a sense of achievement from it x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"My 3 year old puts her shoes away in the shoe cupboard and tidies her toys up before bedtime.
I think it's a good thing to give them small tasks, and she gets a sense of achievement from it x"
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I found a bobble on the floor, gave it to the 5 year old and said 'put that somewhere' meaning the bobble box. Found out later she'd put it in the fridge lol
This made me lol!
I sometimes do forget that they can be literal. I asked my daughter to take a dirty dish out (meaning out if the dining room and into the kitchen). She put it in the garden "
Haha little sodpot |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago
in the suffolk countryside |
all my kids clean and do chores like mowing, window and car washing etc, laundry, only my youngest doesnt cook or iron, she is 7, but she can make snacks and they do things for each other too..and the older ones babysit too. they just like spending time with their sister. they dont feel its a chore.
they all can change a fuse. one of my sons is totally practical, bless him x
i am not running around like a skivvy for my kids, they should become self sufficient adults. i was looking after my brother, cooking and doing a lot of household chores from when i was 8. i dont raise spoilt kids, i raise useful human beings..if something happens to me i know they will be able to cope practically. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I think it's important that children are given a sense of responsibility so they don't take things for granted.
My daughter helps with normal daily/weekly tasks but it's not enforced. She gets pocket money but only for feeding the cat twice a day - if she doesn't feed the cat, she doesn't get her pocket money.
When she's saving up for something she'll ask me to give her jobs to do for "overtime". It gives her a sense of achievement and makes her appreciate what she's bought because she's had to work hard for it. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Not my kids,
My kids are free to be children and play to their hearts content.
The only thing I insist on is that their school work is a must.
But saying that being divorced this is only when my kids stay with me.
The ex will have them make sure their room is kept tidy but that's as far as it goes. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Yes to earn pocket money and prepare them for work,I used to clean the house at the age of 13 top to bottom while my parents were at work and cooked tea at times and I got rewarded for it and it's made me more prepared for later life |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Chalk and Cheese with my two. Our son 15 yrs old would happily make a pathway to his bed through dirty socks and clothes, never washes up or does anything. Then our daughter 12 can't do enough she'a always doing the dishes, dusting , her bedroom is her pride and joy and is immaculate,Also she asked me if I could show her how to iron and has her friends mum learning her how to knit  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I had chores as a child and I'm glad I did, our 2 eldest have chores they're 10 and 11, they load/unload dishwasher and take the recycling out, nothing major but every little helps
Our 5 year old is desperate to be allocated a chore that's hers but I'm going to wait...we work as a team in our house , xx |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *VBethTV/TS
over a year ago
Chester |
I got 5p for each lot of dishes I did. And a whole 50p if I washed the car. No work, no pocket money, no Beano or sweets. I never grew up expecting something for nothing which can only be a good thing. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I used to do chores when I was a kid and my 2.5 year old son is always helping me round the house he loves helping mummy. He helps feed the animals, puts his toys away when he is asked, when he is finished eating he puts his plate or bowl in the kitchen, he unloads the washing machine, he loads the washing machine (after mummy has sorted it into colours), he stands on a stool next to me when im washing up and put things in the water and be even helps me push the hoover around. He just thinks it's a fun game |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Well this is a bit of a landslide
...
Lazy parents I'd call it"
It's best to lower children's expectations of life so they are less disappointed as adults. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Kids should learn to help out and to be responsible for themselves. My children had "chores" like making their own beds. Putting their toys away. Setting the dinner table. Taking in the washing. Help washing the car etc.
Hardly equates to child exploitation.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"What's cruel is pandering to your child's every whim, unless it's love, positive physical contact, honesty and time that you're giving. Children thrive on that stuff and the positives of knowing they have helped and achieved something."
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
All ages tidy their room, I had to when growing up.
Early teens wash dishes, mid teens cook for me & my sister due to parents working late shifts.
Mid teens iron my own clothes, I joined the cadets and had to learn.
Fix my own bike, 12 onwards. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
My Mum introduced chores to me when I was quite little. I used to help her with the tidying up daily which taught me that the tidy up fairy didn't exist (more's the pity). I used to enjoy polishing silver (odd child) but that was probably a fascination with all things shiny. As I got older she introduced useful chores like basic ironing (I was particularly adept at handkerchiefs and tea towels) and so on. Sadly, being a tad old fashioned and personally inept at such tasks herself, she neglected stuff like changing a plug and anything remotely linked to cars; I am thus pretty crap at anything she would consider as a "blue job" - as a single woman this has proved both annoying to my independence and expensive when I resort to "getting a chap in".
Chores are the way forward. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Not got children, but I can't see any particular issue with it all, as long as they aren't tasks that are enforced like a drill sergeant and they understand why they are doing them etc. Plays well into their development |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I pay my daugher for jobs done, did it with all my kids, they don't have to do anything if they don't want to but if they don't they don't get any pocket money
It's amazing how clean your house is when they are saving for something I've had it where they are actively looking for things to do |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Not got children, but I can't see any particular issue with it all, as long as they aren't tasks that are enforced like a drill sergeant and they understand why they are doing them etc. Plays well into their development "
I enforced certain chores like a drill sargent: making their own beds before leaving the house and leaving the bathroom clean after use for the next user, being just two of them.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I pay my daugher for jobs done, did it with all my kids, they don't have to do anything if they don't want to but if they don't they don't get any pocket money
It's amazing how clean your house is when they are saving for something I've had it where they are actively looking for things to do "
This
Even Demons can be surprisingly tidy when they want something |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I pay my daugher for jobs done, did it with all my kids, they don't have to do anything if they don't want to but if they don't they don't get any pocket money
It's amazing how clean your house is when they are saving for something I've had it where they are actively looking for things to do
This
Even Demons can be surprisingly tidy when they want something "
I love it when a new PlayStation game is coming out
You never see a dirty pot in my house |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I had no chores as a kid and when I left home I was completely useless.  Though I'm not sure if that was because I didn't have chores or if I'm not a domestic kinda lass...
I have my own kids now, they're 4,4 and 2. I get them to do small stuff. Putting their dirty clothes in the washing machine, emptying the washing machine when it's done. They wipe their table when they're finished eating and tidy their own toys up. Thankfully they enjoy helping. x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Not got children, but I can't see any particular issue with it all, as long as they aren't tasks that are enforced like a drill sergeant and they understand why they are doing them etc. Plays well into their development
I enforced certain chores like a drill sargent: making their own beds before leaving the house and leaving the bathroom clean after use for the next user, being just two of them.
"
I model my parenting style on the Drill Sargent from full metal jacket. Can't stand parents that want to be friends with their kids. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Stuff like keeping their room tidy, laundry in basket, put their toys away or mum will throw them away, plates n cups in the kitchen from about 4-5. Older than that they get paid chores, pocket money for jobs, feed the cats, empty the bins, doing the washing up (though this one cost me a LOT in breakages), if they want more pocket money then I find them more jobs.
You don't get something for nothing in life, I feel they need to learn this sooner rather than later. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"And if so what household chores, how often and at what age ?
The Chinese clean there own schools. No caretakers does this count
I had to do chores as a child such as wash dishes and fold laundry. I had a small job each day and it helped me to be more capable once I left home.
However, a friend of mine argues that it is cruel to get your child to help around the house.
What is your experience/opinion ?
Did you have chores ?
Do you think it was a good thing or not ?
Mrs"
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I had the misfortune of entering a relationship where I was taking on someone else's kids
The youngest 15
Didn't lift a finger but still got money
Had stuff bought for him ect
He was and probably is the most selfish little git I've ever known
No respect for anything
Coz if he wants he gets
If he breaks it's replaced
Gerrrrrr |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Cruel?
Some people have no sense of proportion these days when it comes to the treatment of children. "
Most people think that child cruelty is buying them an Xbox One instead of a PS4 |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I grew up with my dad and my sister grew up with my mum. My dad gave me a set of chores each week and then gave me pocket money for it. And if I needed extra money, I'd do extra chores. I knew how to use a washing machine by the time I moved out.
My mum just yelled a lot and never gave my sister any motivation to want to help, she just screamed at her until she did whatever it was she needed doing while she was necking a bottle of wine... She doesn't know how to use a washing machine...
My mates daughter is 3, she can use a smartphone and a tablet, she worked it out herself... But tell her to put her toys away and she just throws everything in a corner. Her partners other daughter is 12, also has her own smartphone and tablet and worked out how to use them herself, but she can't work out how to use the washing machine or vacuum... |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
My kids do. They are 9 and 7 and they do little jobs like help tidy up or bring the bin in after its been emptied. They are asked to do one job a day each and earn 50p per job but I leave it up to them if they want to do it or not. If they don't do any jobs at the weekend when it's pay day they always wish they had. I'm trying to teach them two things firstly how to run a house and secondly that work pays. It is only small jobs just now buy it'll get bigger once there a bit older. Xxxx |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
as the kids got older i stopped pushing their room - if they want to live in pigshit so be it - then the panic as a mate comes round and ask me to help and i say no - their space i just close the door on it |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
With out a doubt!! I never did as a child and I was rubbish when I moved out!!
My kids know how to use the washing machine and dryer!! One thing I never knew
My boys wash up and put the Hoover round and stuff
G x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Our son(4) helps out around the house, feeding the cats, loading the washing machine, swapping to the dryer, sweeping, making his bed in the mornings and taking his dishes through after meals. Depending on his task he can earn between 5p and 50p per task. His money goes into a bank that he picked out and if he wants a treat out of treat time(one a day bought by mum/dad) he can use his hard earned cash. A couple months ago he was ever so proud to go to tell bank to swap his money for a note and then buy a cinema ticket for himself and popcorn at our local monthly cinema trip. Start early and he'll forever have a good work ethic. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Mine do chores - the house wouldn't run efficiently otherwise and they need to learn that nothing comes for free.
I've laid off eldest (14) recently as he had a few gcse's but now his routine is back to normal so are the jobs!!! He empties & loads dishwasher, hoovers, iron about half of his clothes, empties washing machine (hangs clothes in his own way!) makes me coffee & can cook.
Youngest (9) can do dishwasher & Hoover but prefers to put things on the stairs for others to take up!!
They both have to put their own clothes away & keep their rooms tidy(ish!) |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"as the kids got older i stopped pushing their room - if they want to live in pigshit so be it - then the panic as a mate comes round and ask me to help and i say no - their space i just close the door on it "
Even their friends coming round don't shame mine into cleaning their room. When they ask if friends can stay they do so on the understanding they get it sorted before hand. I've told them not everyone likes sleeps in a pig sty |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago
Over the rainbow, under the bridge |
"Our son(4) helps out around the house, feeding the cats, loading the washing machine, swapping to the dryer, sweeping, making his bed in the mornings and taking his dishes through after meals. Depending on his task he can earn between 5p and 50p per task. His money goes into a bank that he picked out and if he wants a treat out of treat time(one a day bought by mum/dad) he can use his hard earned cash. A couple months ago he was ever so proud to go to tell bank to swap his money for a note and then buy a cinema ticket for himself and popcorn at our local monthly cinema trip. Start early and he'll forever have a good work ethic. "
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Chores are a good thing, way to earn pocket money too. Some young people are carers and they do it without complaint all the time.
Didn't harm me and I realise now, my chores were dead easy and I still moaned.
Sarah |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *yldstyleWoman
over a year ago
A world of my own |
"as the kids got older i stopped pushing their room - if they want to live in pigshit so be it - then the panic as a mate comes round and ask me to help and i say no - their space i just close the door on it "
I do this too but sometimes I snap .. send him pics of it in the state when he is out and threaten to post on Facebook 
I am evil |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Our job as parents is to prepare them for life amongst other things.
If we skivvy for them what are we teaching them?"
All animals learn from their parents its our job to teach our young
My ex had a mum who did everything for him, even in his 20 would iron his work cloths and do his pack lunch, go in his bedroom and remove and wash dirty clothes etc
When we moved in together he expected me to replace his mum, he never did a thing around the house
I don't have sons only daughters but if I did I'd hate to think my son was like that with his partner I'd hope I brought any child of mine up with the ability to fend for themselves |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Right. I had to get up in the morning at ten o'clock at night, half an hour before I went to bed, eat a lump of cold poison, work twenty-nine hours a day down mill, and pay mill owner for permission to come to work!
Kids these days have it too easy |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Right. I had to get up in the morning at ten o'clock at night, half an hour before I went to bed, eat a lump of cold poison, work twenty-nine hours a day down mill, and pay mill owner for permission to come to work!
Kids these days have it too easy "
you were lucky.. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Right. I had to get up in the morning at ten o'clock at night, half an hour before I went to bed, eat a lump of cold poison, work twenty-nine hours a day down mill, and pay mill owner for permission to come to work!
Kids these days have it too easy "
Luxury |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I didn't really have set chores to do for pocket money, I did two paper rounds for £12 a week instead.
We did have a giant back garden growing up, about 1.4 acres. We used to have to go round after our dad on the sit n ride lawnmower though collecting the loose grass that for missed.
We used to hate doing it, but it was a case of you play on it, you help keep it tidy. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Can't stand parents that want to be friends with their kids.
And what is wrong with wanting to be a friend with your child? "
Have you ever tried to discipline a friend? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Right. I had to get up in the morning at ten o'clock at night, half an hour before I went to bed, eat a lump of cold poison, work twenty-nine hours a day down mill, and pay mill owner for permission to come to work!
Kids these days have it too easy "
I agree |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Can't stand parents that want to be friends with their kids.
And what is wrong with wanting to be a friend with your child? "
Because it's often at odds with being a parent. Some parents don't want to be the bad guy and so no to their kids they want to be bessy mates, often to the detriment of their children.
Just the other day three 12 year olds were found unconscious at 10pm in a shopping precinct after taking drugs.
12 year old girls?!! 10pm in a precinct?!! What's the betting they don't take the bins out and are friends with their parents. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Can't stand parents that want to be friends with their kids.
And what is wrong with wanting to be a friend with your child?
Because it's often at odds with being a parent. Some parents don't want to be the bad guy and so no to their kids they want to be bessy mates, often to the detriment of their children.
Just the other day three 12 year olds were found unconscious at 10pm in a shopping precinct after taking drugs.
12 year old girls?!! 10pm in a precinct?!! What's the betting they don't take the bins out and are friends with their parents."
Friendship grants both parties equal status. A friend might reasonably complain if another friend "always wants things their way" because their opinions aren't being treated equally.
Adults and child are not equal in status because children need adults to be role models. A parent may impose their will on a child because a child's opinion (e.g. my bed time should be 1am) is not equal to the parents opinion. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"My Mum introduced chores to me when I was quite little. I used to help her with the tidying up daily which taught me that the tidy up fairy didn't exist (more's the pity). I used to enjoy polishing silver (odd child) but that was probably a fascination with all things shiny. As I got older she introduced useful chores like basic ironing (I was particularly adept at handkerchiefs and tea towels) and so on. Sadly, being a tad old fashioned and personally inept at such tasks herself, she neglected stuff like changing a plug and anything remotely linked to cars; I am thus pretty crap at anything she would consider as a "blue job" - as a single woman this has proved both annoying to my independence and expensive when I resort to "getting a chap in".
Chores are the way forward. "
You iron tea towels ? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"My Mum introduced chores to me when I was quite little. I used to help her with the tidying up daily which taught me that the tidy up fairy didn't exist (more's the pity). I used to enjoy polishing silver (odd child) but that was probably a fascination with all things shiny. As I got older she introduced useful chores like basic ironing (I was particularly adept at handkerchiefs and tea towels) and so on. Sadly, being a tad old fashioned and personally inept at such tasks herself, she neglected stuff like changing a plug and anything remotely linked to cars; I am thus pretty crap at anything she would consider as a "blue job" - as a single woman this has proved both annoying to my independence and expensive when I resort to "getting a chap in".
Chores are the way forward.
You iron tea towels ?"
They own hankerchiefs? I've never understood the point of them |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Should still stick them up chimneys and down mines.That way they wouldn't annoy
me when I'm shopping in Sainsburys "
If that's annoys you then you should see the kids in Asda |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I wasn't given chores as a kid, but my home life forced me to to therm anyway, I learned tyocook and clean pretty much by myself, an I was better prepared for the real world as a result, I remember my mates panicking age 17-18 that their mom had gone out and didn't wash or iron a shirt for them, iused to think that they were lucky that they had their mom to do it asll four them, but I was the lucky one, I was better prepared for life, the only problem now is I can't let anyone else iron my shirts for me, two ex wives and neither could get them right, I'm just too picky about my sleeves lo! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"My Mum introduced chores to me when I was quite little. I used to help her with the tidying up daily which taught me that the tidy up fairy didn't exist (more's the pity). I used to enjoy polishing silver (odd child) but that was probably a fascination with all things shiny. As I got older she introduced useful chores like basic ironing (I was particularly adept at handkerchiefs and tea towels) and so on. Sadly, being a tad old fashioned and personally inept at such tasks herself, she neglected stuff like changing a plug and anything remotely linked to cars; I am thus pretty crap at anything she would consider as a "blue job" - as a single woman this has proved both annoying to my independence and expensive when I resort to "getting a chap in".
Chores are the way forward.
You iron tea towels ?
They own hankerchiefs? I've never understood the point of them"
I thought that too |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"My Mum introduced chores to me when I was quite little. I used to help her with the tidying up daily which taught me that the tidy up fairy didn't exist (more's the pity). I used to enjoy polishing silver (odd child) but that was probably a fascination with all things shiny. As I got older she introduced useful chores like basic ironing (I was particularly adept at handkerchiefs and tea towels) and so on. Sadly, being a tad old fashioned and personally inept at such tasks herself, she neglected stuff like changing a plug and anything remotely linked to cars; I am thus pretty crap at anything she would consider as a "blue job" - as a single woman this has proved both annoying to my independence and expensive when I resort to "getting a chap in".
Chores are the way forward.
You iron tea towels ?
They own hankerchiefs? I've never understood the point of them
I thought that too "
I guess it's for people that prefer to carry around snot in their pocket... |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"My Mum introduced chores to me when I was quite little. I used to help her with the tidying up daily which taught me that the tidy up fairy didn't exist (more's the pity). I used to enjoy polishing silver (odd child) but that was probably a fascination with all things shiny. As I got older she introduced useful chores like basic ironing (I was particularly adept at handkerchiefs and tea towels) and so on. Sadly, being a tad old fashioned and personally inept at such tasks herself, she neglected stuff like changing a plug and anything remotely linked to cars; I am thus pretty crap at anything she would consider as a "blue job" - as a single woman this has proved both annoying to my independence and expensive when I resort to "getting a chap in".
Chores are the way forward.
You iron tea towels ?
They own hankerchiefs? I've never understood the point of them
I thought that too
I guess it's for people that prefer to carry around snot in their pocket... "
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago
Over the rainbow, under the bridge |
"Can't stand parents that want to be friends with their kids.
And what is wrong with wanting to be a friend with your child?
Because it's often at odds with being a parent. Some parents don't want to be the bad guy and so no to their kids they want to be bessy mates, often to the detriment of their children.
Just the other day three 12 year olds were found unconscious at 10pm in a shopping precinct after taking drugs.
12 year old girls?!! 10pm in a precinct?!! What's the betting they don't take the bins out and are friends with their parents.
Friendship grants both parties equal status. A friend might reasonably complain if another friend "always wants things their way" because their opinions aren't being treated equally.
Adults and child are not equal in status because children need adults to be role models. A parent may impose their will on a child because a child's opinion (e.g. my bed time should be 1am) is not equal to the parents opinion. "
Boundaries are important. It's storing up problems for the future for a child to decide how he/she should be raised. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago
Over the rainbow, under the bridge |
"Can't stand parents that want to be friends with their kids.
And what is wrong with wanting to be a friend with your child?
Have you ever tried to discipline a friend? "
My daughter is my best friend. But she's 34 now. When she was 14? Nope. I was mum. I was there for hugs, advice, guidance and discipline. End. Of.
No arguments or discussion in my house.
Must have donexperience something right. Unlike her cousins of the same age she has never been d*unk in the street, smoked (anything ), gotten pregnant as a teen, been arrested, been to prison.
What she does have is a solid work ethic, a full time job, a university degree, her own car and her own home, and she travels the world.
I'm very proud of the strong, independent woman she has become. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago
Over the rainbow, under the bridge |
"But there's different levels of friendship isn't there?, or does it have to be this demarcation line between 'me boss you child'?"
No. Not in my opinion. You are the parent, carer, protector, guide and bringer of consequences.
Do it right and your kids will be your friends as adults.
If I wanted a friend at that time why would I pick a 14 year old? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Can't stand parents that want to be friends with their kids.
And what is wrong with wanting to be a friend with your child?
Have you ever tried to discipline a friend?
My daughter is my best friend. But she's 34 now. When she was 14? Nope. I was mum. I was there for hugs, advice, guidance and discipline. End. Of.
No arguments or discussion in my house.
Must have donexperience something right. Unlike her cousins of the same age she has never been d*unk in the street, smoked (anything ), gotten pregnant as a teen, been arrested, been to prison.
What she does have is a solid work ethic, a full time job, a university degree, her own car and her own home, and she travels the world.
I'm very proud of the strong, independent woman she has become. "
There's no problem with that, she's an adult now and of course two adults can be friends and equals. I'm stating my opinion that a adult and child (i.e under 18) are not equals and as someone said earlier, the duties of a parent often conflict with friendship. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago
Over the rainbow, under the bridge |
"right. Unlike her cousins of the same age she has never been d*unk in the street, smoked (anything ), gotten pregnant as a teen, been arrested, been to prison.
That's an interesting family DB9"
Don't get me started. Those are my sisters kids. All of them have had 'problems' and not one of them has ever held down a job for more than a year. They were spoiled utterly and she was 'friends ' with them. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"But there's different levels of friendship isn't there?, or does it have to be this demarcation line between 'me boss you child'?"
I don't know any level of friendship where it's appropriate to give token punishments (e.g. sitting someone on the naughty step) after a dispute, an apology is sufficient between equals.
My experience is that once you impose your will a few times then you find the child responds and will rarely push you that far again to the point you need to impose it. Eventually the need to discipline will disappear and it's my opinion that an adult parent and an adult child should be friends. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago
Over the rainbow, under the bridge |
"Can't stand parents that want to be friends with their kids.
And what is wrong with wanting to be a friend with your child?
Have you ever tried to discipline a friend?
My daughter is my best friend. But she's 34 now. When she was 14? Nope. I was mum. I was there for hugs, advice, guidance and discipline. End. Of.
No arguments or discussion in my house.
Must have donexperience something right. Unlike her cousins of the same age she has never been d*unk in the street, smoked (anything ), gotten pregnant as a teen, been arrested, been to prison.
What she does have is a solid work ethic, a full time job, a university degree, her own car and her own home, and she travels the world.
I'm very proud of the strong, independent woman she has become.
There's no problem with that, she's an adult now and of course two adults can be friends and equals. I'm stating my opinion that a adult and child (i.e under 18) are not equals and as someone said earlier, the duties of a parent often conflict with friendship. "
That was the point of my post. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
If I wanted a friend at that time why would I pick a 14 year old? "
You can take your pick between the Michael Jackson logic (re-living your childhood through someone else) or because the parent is lonely and doesn't have any proper adult friends.
Neither scenario is healthy in my opinion.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *obka3Couple
over a year ago
bournemouth |
Start how you mean to carry on be firm but fair with kids and put in solid boundaries from the start and your kids grow up to love and respect you, its great to see my kids doing the same with theirs.
Also being a step dad it can be hard when they have not learnt that way,K has three boys and we moved in together when they were 13/12 and 9 the only one I had a few problems with was the youngest as he was the baby of all her family,when they wanted something I always tried to say yes but they had to earn it and if there was any trouble they lost their privaliges for a length of time, they are now 25/24 and just 22 and we get on really well.Not once did they say "youre not my dad blah blah " did help that their dad is a fool and not seen his kids for 8 years which is so sad for them |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *r TriomanMan
over a year ago
Chippenham Malmesbury area |
Should children be given chores? Only if they get home early enough from work to do them.
Seriously though, I don't think so, many kids these days are dup at 06:30, I'm the breakfast club by 7, school untill 3, then after shool club where they have their tea, then picked up at five that straight to a sports activity, then onto another then home by 7, bed for 8 and then they do it all again the next day.
I worked as a child but I think that with the retirement are increasing, kids will be in work for a long time so let them have a work-free life whilst they can. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Should children be given chores? Only if they get home early enough from work to do them.
Seriously though, I don't think so, many kids these days are dup at 06:30, I'm the breakfast club by 7, school untill 3, then after shool club where they have their tea, then picked up at five that straight to a sports activity, then onto another then home by 7, bed for 8 and then they do it all again the next day.
I worked as a child but I think that with the retirement are increasing, kids will be in work for a long time so let them have a work-free life whilst they can."
It doesn't have to be seen as 'work' though. I've been reading this book on motivation recently and one problem with paying someone to do something is that you are indirectly signalling to them that the task isn't desirable. Undesirable things are dealt with in a transactional manner which destroys the possibility of tapping into innate motivation that people have.
I'm not pretending there's anything fun about emptying the bins though and there's nothing un-natural about not wanting to do it. However, kids are born with an innate motivation to help their parents and get a sense of belonging to their family. So I'm just saying that the way you pitch the task to them can make a big difference to their attitude.
Ever seen the Tom Sawyer painting the fence example? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
From a personal point of view still being at a youngish age I think cores set you for life as corny as it sounds, when I was younger I grew up having regular chores around the house and I think because I got that from such a young age, when I moved to university it made settling a lot earlier, my 5 other houses lived the year as pigs, no cleaning up, washing there plates clothes etc and just another thing I think, it helps with motivation in a way, knowing you have certain things to do in a day no matter how stupid it sounds can definitely help with getting out of bed in the morning knowinf stuff needs to be done |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ficouldMan
over a year ago
a quandary, could you change my mind? |
Chores should be done (but don't call them chores) at the age of 7 I could cook a full Sunday lunch.
Any Jobs around the house / garden (but don't let them near your car )
The jobs would be dependent on age / ability. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Chores should be done (but don't call them chores) at the age of 7 I could cook a full Sunday lunch.
Any Jobs around the house / garden (but don't let them near your car )
The jobs would be dependent on age / ability. "
What age would you send kids to the workhouse? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I never had any chores and I ended up great
I'd say your choice of friends and who you trust could do with improvement. true "
In my opinion you also shy away from responsibility. All hallmark signs of a someone who didn't do chores at winterfell. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
» Add a new message to this topic
