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Do we encourage timewasters?
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Years ago there were significantly fewer moans on swinging forums about timewasters... now they are as common as common things. And it seems anyone and everyone gets called a timewaster for one reason and another... where as before everyone had a clearer understanding about what a timewaster was.
And it's not just the threads; there are countless profiles which include comments about how many timewasters there are.
Many of the replies to people who post a moan about timewasters get replies of "it happens, move on" or "it's all part of swinging" or words to that effect.
By talking about it so much in such a manner are we normalising it? Could we actually be encouraging people to not bother cancelling a meet if they change their mind?
If the forums and profiles are anything to go by... they may assume plenty of other people don’t bother and it's starting to look like the norm (on the face of it).
Are we shaping the future timewasters with what we write?
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"Years ago there were significantly fewer moans on swinging forums about timewasters... now they are as common as common things. And it seems anyone and everyone gets called a timewaster for one reason and another... where as before everyone had a clearer understanding about what a timewaster was.
And it's not just the threads; there are countless profiles which include comments about how many timewasters there are.
Many of the replies to people who post a moan about timewasters get replies of "it happens, move on" or "it's all part of swinging" or words to that effect.
By talking about it so much in such a manner are we normalising it? Could we actually be encouraging people to not bother cancelling a meet if they change their mind?
If the forums and profiles are anything to go by... they may assume plenty of other people don’t bother and it's starting to look like the norm (on the face of it).
Are we shaping the future timewasters with what we write?
"
polo they have been round for years nothing is going to change  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Forums are frequented by the minority I don't think many even consider them as part of their membership let alone be influenced by them. Not many regular posters to the forum adjust their behaviour after reading threads either. I know I don't. |
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"Forums are frequented by the minority I don't think many even consider them as part of their membership let alone be influenced by them. Not many regular posters to the forum adjust their behaviour after reading threads either. I know I don't."
Which is why I mention the comments on profiles also.
Reading one thing in isolation rarely changes anyone - unless it sparks one of those rocking horse shit epiphany moments.
But the more we read things (I am thinking about newer folk now) the more we build our understanding about what is acceptable and what 'usually' happens in situations we are not familiar with.
May be 'acceptable' isn't the right word for this subject.... but constant reference to ‘too many timewasters’ certainly could give the impression they won't stand out from the crowd if they adopt the behaviour. |
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yes there is alot of post about timewasters .. but my question is (and trying to understand what people mean when they use that word) what is classed as being a timewaster? is it someone who gets cold feet? a meet that doesnt go well for all parties? people who have cancelled a meet?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Forums are frequented by the minority I don't think many even consider them as part of their membership let alone be influenced by them. Not many regular posters to the forum adjust their behaviour after reading threads either. I know I don't.
Which is why I mention the comments on profiles also.
Reading one thing in isolation rarely changes anyone - unless it sparks one of those rocking horse shit epiphany moments.
But the more we read things (I am thinking about newer folk now) the more we build our understanding about what is acceptable and what 'usually' happens in situations we are not familiar with.
May be 'acceptable' isn't the right word for this subject.... but constant reference to ‘too many timewasters’ certainly could give the impression they won't stand out from the crowd if they adopt the behaviour."
Yeah I see what you're saying - sort of monkey see monkey do. But I have remarked a lot of times that I don't believe in timewasters (or the misuse of the terminology) - its just a buzzword used by disappointed people who did not get the desired outcome after spending time on 'the chase' for want of a better expression. In those circumstances its time 'wasted' by mutual consent in the getting to know you stage. Like you, I do think its pretty en vogue at the moment and does seem to be happening a lot - but are those mentioning their experience of it using the word in the right context either? |
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
"yes there is alot of post about timewasters .. but my question is (and trying to understand what people mean when they use that word) what is classed as being a timewaster? is it someone who gets cold feet? a meet that doesnt go well for all parties? people who have cancelled a meet?
"
I think this is the crux of it all... it is so easy to bandy around the word "timewaster" that some of it actually sticks.... and some people how feel rejected for some reason like to try an have their revenge by throwing mud so to speak.....
do i think it happens more that it use to... no!
are people quicker to "play victim" and bleet about it more now.... yes... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"or is it we are have too many demands or being too fussy?me included in that so u know lol"
If your requests are out there on your profile for all to see and someone knows the score they cant cry timewaster when you say no thanks but its an ego salving cry to ignore not a subject for forums or chatrooms as it happens to everyone - but is it fair to label someone who bypasses your profile requests as a timewaster either? I think its just another hit the delete button and move on moment.
I haven't been stood up on a meet so can't say I have had any time wasted. Even then had they not turned up my meets are in such a place I can get out a book order a drink or a meal and just enjoy my own company. No biggie. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Years ago there were significantly fewer moans on swinging forums about timewasters... now they are as common as common things. And it seems anyone and everyone gets called a timewaster for one reason and another... where as before everyone had a clearer understanding about what a timewaster was.
And it's not just the threads; there are countless profiles which include comments about how many timewasters there are.
Many of the replies to people who post a moan about timewasters get replies of "it happens, move on" or "it's all part of swinging" or words to that effect.
By talking about it so much in such a manner are we normalising it? Could we actually be encouraging people to not bother cancelling a meet if they change their mind?
If the forums and profiles are anything to go by... they may assume plenty of other people don’t bother and it's starting to look like the norm (on the face of it).
Are we shaping the future timewasters with what we write?
"
Yes, they should be hunted down wherever they are and put in the dungeon of their local swingers club where we can all chuck stuff on em.
Then kill em. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Are timewasters not those who chat to people, arrange to meet but dont turn up? Or those who constantly make a date to meet but cancel at the last minute?
To be honest even if someone hasnt read my profile and sends me a message yet doesnt fit my criteria, that doesnt mean they are a timewaster, as they may actually be genuine, just perhaps hedging their bets? |
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"or is it we are have too many demands or being too fussy?me included in that so u know lol
If your requests are out there on your profile for all to see and someone knows the score they cant cry timewaster when you say no thanks but its an ego salving cry to ignore not a subject for forums or chatrooms as it happens to everyone - but is it fair to label someone who bypasses your profile requests as a timewaster either? I think its just another hit the delete button and move on moment.
I haven't been stood up on a meet so can't say I have had any time wasted. Even then had they not turned up my meets are in such a place I can get out a book order a drink or a meal and just enjoy my own company. No biggie."
oww yeah i know we all have our own requests out there on our profile but some ppl could think well their asking too much coz they want this and they want that.even ppl have said on their profile they can be fussy about who they meet |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
oww yeah i know we all have our own requests out there on our profile but some ppl could think well their asking too much coz they want this and they want that.even ppl have said on their profile they can be fussy about who they meet"
Its still not wasting time its just playing their way which everyone is entitled to do. |
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"Years ago there were significantly fewer moans on swinging forums about timewasters... now they are as common as common things. And it seems anyone and everyone gets called a timewaster for one reason and another... where as before everyone had a clearer understanding about what a timewaster was.
And it's not just the threads; there are countless profiles which include comments about how many timewasters there are.
Many of the replies to people who post a moan about timewasters get replies of "it happens, move on" or "it's all part of swinging" or words to that effect.
By talking about it so much in such a manner are we normalising it? Could we actually be encouraging people to not bother cancelling a meet if they change their mind?
If the forums and profiles are anything to go by... they may assume plenty of other people don’t bother and it's starting to look like the norm (on the face of it).
Are we shaping the future timewasters with what we write?
Yes, they should be hunted down wherever they are and put in the dungeon of their local swingers club where we can all chuck stuff on em.
Then kill em."
BENICE Timewaster general is born lets start our round up now |
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My definition of a time waster would be someone who agrees a time and a place to meet up, but then dosen't show.
What i generally do if i'm arranging to meet up with someone is avoid asking for their address beforehand, but ask them to text it to me a couple of hours before we've arranged to meet. That way, they don't have to worry about a stranger knowing where they live if they get cold feet and i know that if i get the text, the meet is definatly going to happen.
Prior to getting the text, i make no assumptions about whether the meet will materialise or not so i don't get too disappointed if things don't happen. Out of 3 planned meets on here so far, 2 happened and 1 fell though. That said, i wouldn't class the one that fell through a time waster because they didn't text me. |
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is most people not fussy who they meet .. otherwise would it not be meeting for sex sake then .. does there not have to be some sort of connection for all parties invovled or have i got it all wrong |
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"is most people not fussy who they meet .. otherwise would it not be meeting for sex sake then .. does there not have to be some sort of connection for all parties invovled or have i got it all wrong"
Preferences, who you choose to meet, standards, being fussy.... nothing to do with being a timewaster. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"is most people not fussy who they meet .. otherwise would it not be meeting for sex sake then .. does there not have to be some sort of connection for all parties invovled or have i got it all wrong"
not fussy who or what shape; size they are just as long they
turn up when said |
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"is most people not fussy who they meet .. otherwise would it not be meeting for sex sake then .. does there not have to be some sort of connection for all parties invovled or have i got it all wrongnot fussy who or what shape; size they are just as long they
turn up when said"
you still not had that meet yet m8 |
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"Just to clarify.... the traditional definition of a timewaster is someone who arranges to meet you and then doesn't turn up... without letting you know."
thank you that was the jist of what i was trying to find out, just some of previous timewaster posts had be baffled |
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"ive obviously not worded things right,i am not saying that i agree in if ppl are fussy they are timewasters,im saying that thats what some ppl might think
i think i know what you are saying "
lol thanks  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think there probably are a few more time wasters, because:
(i)Swinging isn't as taboo as it once was so there are more people investigating the scene,
(ii)the internet makes it easier for people to join a site like this.
I bet the number of genuine people has increased too.
And what makes someone a timewaster? I bet a few of the people I have sent messages to have deleted them, thinking I'm a timewaster because I'm a single male with no verifications - yet!
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"(i)Swinging isn't as taboo as it once was so there are more people investigating the scene
it is still very much taboo here."
Fair point.
Well, it's still fairly taboo - I wouldn't bring it up round at my moms - but I feel that I've seen more about it in the media in the last few years. What does anyone else think?
And if it is still very much taboo round by you - do you think there are more timewasters now? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"we have never meet a timewaster .. and cant really speak for others
No one has.... or they wouldn't be 
eee yer sharp lass 
Timewaster general nice have found yet thats timewasters  "
busy writing my masterplan, similar to the neighbourhood watch, but it will be called "Errant Turnip Swatch". (It's a code name) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"or is it we are have too many demands or being too fussy?me included in that so u know lol
If your requests are out there on your profile for all to see and someone knows the score they cant cry timewaster when you say no thanks but its an ego salving cry to ignore not a subject for forums or chatrooms as it happens to everyone - but is it fair to label someone who bypasses your profile requests as a timewaster either? I think its just another hit the delete button and move on moment.
I haven't been stood up on a meet so can't say I have had any time wasted. Even then had they not turned up my meets are in such a place I can get out a book order a drink or a meal and just enjoy my own company. No biggie."
A woman after my own heart. As I've said on these timewasting threads, it's never happened to me. It could also be the men I'm meeting know the score in that whether they turn up or not my time will NEVER be wasted.
If I meet during my lunch break it's outside the Mark's I was going to anyway, so if they're not there I won't need to pause and wait. If it's after work, it's at the station 15 mins before my train. Again, should they not turn up I'm on my way home.
It kind of takes the "buzz" out of standing someone up if you know the person won't be stood waiting for you!
If I take a flexi day it will be to clean my patio/windows/grout etc, so if a meet didn't show I haven't lost anything as I'm home any way.
I'd never travel for a meet...too many timewasters!   |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Are timewasters not those who chat to people, arrange to meet but dont turn up? Or those who constantly make a date to meet but cancel at the last minute?
To be honest even if someone hasnt read my profile and sends me a message yet doesnt fit my criteria, that doesnt mean they are a timewaster, as they may actually be genuine, just perhaps hedging their bets?"
I don't understand what you mean! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Are timewasters not those who chat to people, arrange to meet but dont turn up? Or those who constantly make a date to meet but cancel at the last minute?
To be honest even if someone hasnt read my profile and sends me a message yet doesnt fit my criteria, that doesnt mean they are a timewaster, as they may actually be genuine, just perhaps hedging their bets?
I don't understand what you mean! "
Might be a newbie sending out loads of messages and not necessarily taken any notice of what the profile says, or they maybe organising a party and inviting as many as they can in the hope that some will turn up |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I dont know if its just me but i think there are far more 'time wasters' than there was years ago
I've been meeting people off the internet for about 10 years now, 8 of them years i was a couple with my ex husband, in the 8 years we swung we never had a cancellations and only had one no show, who was another couple
When we split i took a small break from meeting so sort my life out and when i was ready i started meeting again
In the 18 months ive been meeting alone ive had several cancellations and a few no shows
now this could be one of a few reasons
1 I was more popular as a couple than a single woman?
2 I only meet single guys now where as before we used to meet single men/women and couples and single guys are more un reliable?
3 There are far more people swinging now days than there was years ago so stands to reason the more people use the site the more time waster your going to get?
4 Peoples ideas of time wasting has changed and what wasnt considered time wasting years ago now is so it just seems theres more?
5 People think its more acceptable to mess single women about as they have no man to 'look after then' (as so to speak)
could be none of the above, could be a mixture of them all
But the reason for it does not change anything and i think you do just have to say 'oh well' put it down to experience and move on
When it comes down to it the good experiences off this sight out weight the bads ones or i wouldnt be here and im sure that must apply to everyone else too |
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