FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > A large scene divide....?

A large scene divide....?

By *uzy444 OP Woman over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

over the last week i have had and overheard discussion on the divide between the swingers scene and the BDSM/ fetish scene..

i do have my own experiences, but wonder if others perceive same things i do..

So, i'm interested in hearing other peoples perceptions, hopefully from their personal experiences of both, however, im also interested in peoples preconceived ideas as well x

and ...is it changing, in your opinion ?

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman over a year ago

little house on the praire

My perception is that people who talk about bdsm on here generally think swingers are boring. There are awingers that are into bdsm but just class the.selves as swingers and think everyone into bdsm ia into violence.

Me i just do what i like and unless you want to be in the lifestyle why call yourself anything. Same goes for swingers and vanila im sure most of us overlap each "label"

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Both groups seem very elitist and love to belittle the 'other side'. I don't see how they could join together.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman over a year ago

little house on the praire

"Both groups seem very elitist and love to belittle the 'other side'. I don't see how they could join together. "
they do there was a prime example on a thread yesterday.

I dont see why people cant just do wjat they want to do

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By *ovely kinkyCouple over a year ago

Cardiff

I've had a very positive experience overall. I have certainly seen a lot of crossover at the events I've attended. Not sure how it was before but can certainly speak from my experience over the last 4 to 5 years.

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By *ilthyjackcoupleCouple over a year ago

Swansea

We found Fet before we found here.

Very much into both. Can't see why it has to be an either/or thing.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I think that there is a lot of judgement and misinterpretation by people on here about bdsm and fetish v swinging. But at the end of the day it's all about your own perspective. Nothing else matters.

For example

I'm a single girl and I meet a single guy on here - does that make me a swinger? In my mind no.

Some would say I am.

I meet same single guy and hold his hands above his head as I fuck him. Does that make me kinky? In my mind no. But some would say I am.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Bdsm/fetish party...... Very little sex , lots of exhibitionism , very artistic dressed people and lots of socializing.

Swinger party....... Lots of sex , lots of sex , lots of sex

That's the difference in my opinion....

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

We were at infusions swinging on Friday and at the unit on Saturday. Both great nights

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It's exactly for the same reason as why couples try and ring fence the name swingers, people like to feel that their little niche is more niche than other ones. The freakers ball on Sunday just gone shows that swinging and bdsm are capable of co existing happily, some people just need to get off their high horse

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By *uzy444 OP Woman over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

"My perception is that people who talk about bdsm on here generally think swingers are boring. There are awingers that are into bdsm but just class the.selves as swingers and think everyone into bdsm ia into violence.

Me i just do what i like and unless you want to be in the lifestyle why call yourself anything. Same goes for swingers and vanila im sure most of us overlap each "label""
i definitely dont broadcast im a swinger when attending a fet club. i think we use different words for expectation of play though as you say people do what they do and much overlaps..maybe its lack of interest and education on both sides..or a 'need' to belong ? there are some events now that combine the two..thanks for sharing xx

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By *uzy444 OP Woman over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

"Both groups seem very elitist and love to belittle the 'other side'. I don't see how they could join together. "

do you perceive, why they think themselves 'superior' to the other?

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By *uzy444 OP Woman over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

"I've had a very positive experience overall. I have certainly seen a lot of crossover at the events I've attended. Not sure how it was before but can certainly speak from my experience over the last 4 to 5 years.

Xx"
thankyou..thats positive..do you keep your involvement in each scene seperate. ie do you feel comfortable with either label openly when you are in one or the other?

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By *uzy444 OP Woman over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

"We found Fet before we found here.

Very much into both. Can't see why it has to be an either/or thing."
im not saying it has..im all for commonality in diversity, im just exploring the 'perceived' concepts and experiences, of the masses

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By *uzy444 OP Woman over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

"I think that there is a lot of judgement and misinterpretation by people on here about bdsm and fetish v swinging. But at the end of the day it's all about your own perspective. Nothing else matters.

For example

I'm a single girl and I meet a single guy on here - does that make me a swinger? In my mind no.

Some would say I am.

I meet same single guy and hold his hands above his head as I fuck him. Does that make me kinky? In my mind no. But some would say I am.

For my own side I would rather be on a fetish based site but they are exceptionally poor quality compared to fab so here I will stay. Kinky as hell but not a swinger. And I don't care what people think about that."
great perspective..thank you for sharing. i know you dont care, but have you had any negative projections because of your varied choices? and what would you say caused them, if you had? x

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By *uzy444 OP Woman over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

"Bdsm/fetish party...... Very little sex , lots of exhibitionism , very artistic dressed people and lots of socializing.

Swinger party....... Lots of sex , lots of sex , lots of sex

That's the difference in my opinion.... "

thank you...is there a reason do you think that 'sex' hasnt found its way more into the BDSM party scene then?is it tradition or something? x

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By *uzy444 OP Woman over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

"We were at infusions swinging on Friday and at the unit on Saturday. Both great nights "
im assuming the unit is a fet club?

do you notice a difference in your 'behaviour' on these different nights..and if so, why would that be?

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By *uzy444 OP Woman over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

"It's exactly for the same reason as why couples try and ring fence the name swingers, people like to feel that their little niche is more niche than other ones. The freakers ball on Sunday just gone shows that swinging and bdsm are capable of co existing happily, some people just need to get off their high horse"
do you feel then its about traditions crumbling and new concepts evolving? why do you feel people are resistant to change? what is it they want to keep?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Both groups seem very elitist and love to belittle the 'other side'. I don't see how they could join together. "

For some on each scene this is sadly very true. But there is a crossover with some people and plenty are indifferent.

But regardless of which scene they are part of those who are judgemental and elitest are almost always the most judgemental and vitriolic

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By *uzy444 OP Woman over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

"Both groups seem very elitist and love to belittle the 'other side'. I don't see how they could join together.

For some on each scene this is sadly very true. But there is a crossover with some people and plenty are indifferent.

But regardless of which scene they are part of those who are judgemental and elitest are almost always the most judgemental and vitriolic"
again..thankyou for sharing..what do you think they are holding onto, or frightened to embrace?

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By *lueVelcroCouple over a year ago

Blanchardstown

We've been curious ourselves as to why there isn't a bigger crossover between the two scenes. Well, we asked about, and were told that many swingers see fetishists as timewasting weirdos who are obsessed with baking, and many fetishists see swingers as dull shags who'd fuck anything that breaths. Quite a few fetishists are vehemently anti-breathing so you can see the trouble there. In the past we've hosted bdsm parties that ended in orgy madness with eight in a bed and people fucking on the stairs, seems compatible with swingers to me. Some day perhaps we'll host a swingers party where everyone ends up tied up and choked out, who knows?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I know several people that are happy to cross the divide as the fancy takes them.

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By *ovely kinkyCouple over a year ago

Cardiff

Xx thankyou..thats positive..do you keep your involvement in each scene seperate. ie do you feel comfortable with either label openly when you are in one or the other?"

I keep some elements of it seperate i.e I wouldn't advertise meets on fet unless there was a particular kink I wanted help with. I feel comfortable telling people at either events that I'm kinky and swing. No one has ever had an issue with that at either. I've found swingers are generally more accepting of new people but I believe this is because in the fet scene people can sometimes be put in more vulnerable positions, restrained whilst playing for example.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Both groups seem very elitist and love to belittle the 'other side'. I don't see how they could join together.

do you perceive, why they think themselves 'superior' to the other?"

I should have said some... not all.

I have no idea. You always make known your thoughts on how "vanilla" swingers are. Do you think you are superior?

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By *uzy444 OP Woman over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

"We've been curious ourselves as to why there isn't a bigger crossover between the two scenes. Well, we asked about, and were told that many swingers see fetishists as timewasting weirdos who are obsessed with baking, and many fetishists see swingers as dull shags who'd fuck anything that breaths. Quite a few fetishists are vehemently anti-breathing so you can see the trouble there. In the past we've hosted bdsm parties that ended in orgy madness with eight in a bed and people fucking on the stairs, seems compatible with swingers to me. Some day perhaps we'll host a swingers party where everyone ends up tied up and choked out, who knows?"
hahaha awesome answer, you made me chuckle so hard..thank you xx

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By *uzy444 OP Woman over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

"I know several people that are happy to cross the divide as the fancy takes them. "
very true x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Fair point.

People within each group look down on those in their own group too.

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By *uzy444 OP Woman over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

Xx thankyou..thats positive..do you keep your involvement in each scene seperate. ie do you feel comfortable with either label openly when you are in one or the other?

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By *uzy444 OP Woman over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

"Both groups seem very elitist and love to belittle the 'other side'. I don't see how they could join together.

do you perceive, why they think themselves 'superior' to the other?

I should have said some... not all.

I have no idea. You always make known your thoughts on how "vanilla" swingers are. Do you think you are superior?"

no i feel suppressed in both camps being honest..that of course is my own issues, however, im exploring through this thread, my behaviour modification that happens almost unconsciously...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

For example

I'm a single girl and I meet a single guy on here - does that make me a swinger? In my mind no.

Some would say I am.

I meet same single guy and hold his hands above his head as I fuck him. Does that make me kinky? In my mind no. But some would say I am.

For my own side I would rather be on a fetish based site but they are exceptionally poor quality compared to fab so here I will stay. Kinky as hell but not a swinger. And I don't care what people think about that. great perspective..thank you for sharing. i know you dont care, but have you had any negative projections because of your varied choices? and what would you say caused them, if you had?

I think that men have an expectation when u say that u are kinky that they can bluff their way. They can't. The amount of men who say they are dom who think that dominantion is being bossy and smacking me is untrue.

Things can turn nasty with some men on here when u try to explain what bdsm is and I have def had people block me because of my views on swinging and kink. I'd love to see both sides happily meet but both sides can be very cliquey and unmoving. I don't do cliques. "

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"It's exactly for the same reason as why couples try and ring fence the name swingers, people like to feel that their little niche is more niche than other ones. The freakers ball on Sunday just gone shows that swinging and bdsm are capable of co existing happily, some people just need to get off their high horsedo you feel then its about traditions crumbling and new concepts evolving? why do you feel people are resistant to change? what is it they want to keep?"

Not even that I simply think that it's pre conceptions and 'what's in a name'. There are many aspects that cross over and do coexist but I think people want their thing to be 'their thing' and don't want to share it with others

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

We don't really fit into either group to he honest .

We are told we aren't swingers because we aren't into the social side .

And as we aren't into pain we aren't really bdsm .

We just love sex , kinky and a bit of fetish / taboo

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By *ovely kinkyCouple over a year ago

Cardiff

Xx thankyou..thats positive..do you keep your involvement in each scene seperate. ie do you feel comfortable with either label openly when you are in one or the other?

so its a looking after those in their community then? maybe fitishists feel they are more 'caring'?x"

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By *uzy444 OP Woman over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

For example

I'm a single girl and I meet a single guy on here - does that make me a swinger? In my mind no.

Some would say I am.

I meet same single guy and hold his hands above his head as I fuck him. Does that make me kinky? In my mind no. But some would say I am.

For my own side I would rather be on a fetish based site but they are exceptionally poor quality compared to fab so here I will stay. Kinky as hell but not a swinger. And I don't care what people think about that. great perspective..thank you for sharing. i know you dont care, but have you had any negative projections because of your varied choices? and what would you say caused them, if you had?

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By *ikeC81Man over a year ago

harrow

Hmmmm interesting

I have been to the odd fetish even and whilst not my thing it was eye opener to watch

I must say when I spoke to people and I swing the discussion was interesting

I think bdsm and swingers are two sides of the same coin, that sometime falls on its edge. They are related but different, similar terminology, similar dress, similar munches

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Both groups seem very elitist and love to belittle the 'other side'. I don't see how they could join together.

For some on each scene this is sadly very true. But there is a crossover with some people and plenty are indifferent.

But regardless of which scene they are part of those who are judgemental and elitest are almost always the most judgemental and vitriolicagain..thankyou for sharing..what do you think they are holding onto, or frightened to embrace?"

I think most of it comes down to ego. Look at some of the attitudes on these forums, look how special some people think they are for being swingers and the way 'vanillas' get sneered at. Some people live by the philosophy your kink is not my kink but your kink is okay. And other people want to believe they are special.

At the the end of the day however you dress it up it's just sexual gratification and people doing what they enjoy.

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By *uzy444 OP Woman over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

"It's exactly for the same reason as why couples try and ring fence the name swingers, people like to feel that their little niche is more niche than other ones. The freakers ball on Sunday just gone shows that swinging and bdsm are capable of co existing happily, some people just need to get off their high horsedo you feel then its about traditions crumbling and new concepts evolving? why do you feel people are resistant to change? what is it they want to keep?

id find it difficult to hand a flogger to a swinging partner and say hey, flog me...knowing full well they dont know how to use it safely...however thats the same as anyone who hadnt used them before...thats not because of a scene, thats down to needing to know the other person knows what they are doing..if havent been to some fetish events, how would they have learnt to flog, without causing damage?..

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By *uzy444 OP Woman over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

"We don't really fit into either group to he honest .

We are told we aren't swingers because we aren't into the social side .

And as we aren't into pain we aren't really bdsm .

We just love sex , kinky and a bit of fetish / taboo

i was called a 'fringe dweller' the other day...i felt it was a new sub culture all of its own...

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By *uzy444 OP Woman over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

Xx thankyou..thats positive..do you keep your involvement in each scene seperate. ie do you feel comfortable with either label openly when you are in one or the other?

so its a looking after those in their community then? maybe fitishists feel they are more 'caring'?x

That's my impression. I think you get elitism in all walks of life and can cause bad feelings between different groups. I'm quite open minded so have no problem with others who think differently or do differently to myself. "
there are pros to both scenes..but maybe thats just my personal preference combination x people can do anything they like, some of it i prefer not to do, but i dont say no one should do it, just not with me

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By *uzy444 OP Woman over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

"Hmmmm interesting

I have been to the odd fetish even and whilst not my thing it was eye opener to watch

I must say when I spoke to people and I swing the discussion was interesting

I think bdsm and swingers are two sides of the same coin, that sometime falls on its edge. They are related but different, similar terminology, similar dress, similar munches "
may i ask how it was 'interesting'?x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Bdsm/fetish party...... Very little sex , lots of exhibitionism , very artistic dressed people and lots of socializing.

Swinger party....... Lots of sex , lots of sex , lots of sex

That's the difference in my opinion.... "

sort of this but i mix with both - know swingers who are into the fet scene as well but its not for me as a lifestyle choice -

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By *ikeC81Man over a year ago

harrow

"Hmmmm interesting

I have been to the odd fetish even and whilst not my thing it was eye opener to watch

I must say when I spoke to people and I swing the discussion was interesting

I think bdsm and swingers are two sides of the same coin, that sometime falls on its edge. They are related but different, similar terminology, similar dress, similar munches may i ask how it was 'interesting'?x"

Course more on the difference that bdsm don't shag everyone and I said nor do swingers

Also bdsm events less likely to have sex

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By *uzy444 OP Woman over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

"Both groups seem very elitist and love to belittle the 'other side'. I don't see how they could join together.

For some on each scene this is sadly very true. But there is a crossover with some people and plenty are indifferent.

At the the end of the day however you dress it up it's just sexual gratification and people doing what they enjoy. "

sub culture ego..interesting concept x do you think that, if it is that, has it emerged from fighting for their 'rights' to be acknowledged, by other sub culture groups? or, even just by society 'norms'i wonder what acknowledgement does?....

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By *uzy444 OP Woman over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

"Bdsm/fetish party...... Very little sex , lots of exhibitionism , very artistic dressed people and lots of socializing.

Swinger party....... Lots of sex , lots of sex , lots of sex

That's the difference in my opinion....

sort of this but i mix with both - know swingers who are into the fet scene as well but its not for me as a lifestyle choice - "
does BDSM haveto be a lifestyle choice or, can it be done more 'casually' in your opinion xx

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By *ilacWoman over a year ago

Cheshire

"over the last week i have had and overheard discussion on the divide between the swingers scene and the BDSM/ fetish scene..

i do have my own experiences, but wonder if others perceive same things i do..

So, i'm interested in hearing other peoples perceptions, hopefully from their personal experiences of both, however, im also interested in peoples preconceived ideas as well x

and ...is it changing, in your opinion ?"

I think there is a huge cross over. The club I regularly attend caters fully for both and will also have events that encourage mixing the two scenes. I've noticed a lot of the swingers now on fet nights and vice versa. Most of my friends on the fet scene have accounts on here and a lot of my swinging friends will dabble with fet or certainly quiz me and are interested to know more. Even the swinging clubs that don't cater for fet will encourage me to scene there and the swingers will come and ask questions. I think many seem curious. I've noticed more on the fet scene that sexual play is used more in scenes which some used to frown upon.

Of course there is elitism but doesn't it all boil down to choosing an alternative lifestyle that fulfils you sexually and mentally in the safest and most fun way?

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By *uzy444 OP Woman over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

"Hmmmm interesting

I have been to the odd fetish even and whilst not my thing it was eye opener to watch

I must say when I spoke to people and I swing the discussion was interesting

Course more on the difference that bdsm don't shag everyone and I said nor do swingers

Also bdsm events less likely to have sex "
thankyou...do you feel BDSM folk go home to have their 'sex'..as if its a hidden thing to be done in private or something else? ( devils advocate in the questioning here)xx

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By *uzy444 OP Woman over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

"over the last week i have had and overheard discussion on the divide between the swingers scene and the BDSM/ fetish scene..

i do have my own experiences, but wonder if others perceive same things i do..

So, i'm interested in hearing other peoples perceptions, hopefully from their personal experiences of both, however, im also interested in peoples preconceived ideas as well x

and ...is it changing, in your opinion ?

Of course there is elitism but doesn't it all boil down to choosing an alternative lifestyle that fulfils you sexually and mentally in the safest and most fun way? "
thankyou sub _ilac...thats positive..have you witnessed this change recently..and if so, what has triggered it do you think? x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Bdsm/fetish party...... Very little sex , lots of exhibitionism , very artistic dressed people and lots of socializing.

Swinger party....... Lots of sex , lots of sex , lots of sex

That's the difference in my opinion....

sort of this but i mix with both - know swingers who are into the fet scene as well but its not for me as a lifestyle choice - does BDSM haveto be a lifestyle choice or, can it be done more 'casually' in your opinion xx"

i think it can be casually done - but then is that true bdsm - or just a bit of kink

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By *uzy444 OP Woman over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

"Bdsm/fetish party...... Very little sex , lots of exhibitionism , very artistic dressed people and lots of socializing.

Swinger party....... Lots of sex , lots of sex , lots of sex

That's the difference in my opinion....

i think it can be casually done - but then is that true bdsm - or just a bit of kink "
this is the question isnt it..whats 'true' about anything? x and who tells us what is and isnt true? x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Bdsm/fetish party...... Very little sex , lots of exhibitionism , very artistic dressed people and lots of socializing.

Swinger party....... Lots of sex , lots of sex , lots of sex

That's the difference in my opinion....

i think it can be casually done - but then is that true bdsm - or just a bit of kink this is the question isnt it..whats 'true' about anything? x and who tells us what is and isnt true? x"

as long as we are all happy with what we have and do - and accept others differences then its all good in my book

- ive attended ladies events where there was a mix from the swinging and fet scene and we all rub along just fine

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By *uzy444 OP Woman over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

"Bdsm/fetish party...... Very little sex , lots of exhibitionism , very artistic dressed people and lots of socializing.

Swinger party....... Lots of sex , lots of sex , lots of sex

That's the difference in my opinion....

i think it can be casually done - but then is that true bdsm - or just a bit of kink this is the question isnt it..whats 'true' about anything? x and who tells us what is and isnt true? x

as long as we are all happy with what we have and do - and accept others differences then its all good in my book

- ive attended ladies events where there was a mix from the swinging and fet scene and we all rub along just fine

"
other commonality's beyond the groups we associate with..sounds mighty fine to me xx

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By *ilacWoman over a year ago

Cheshire

"over the last week i have had and overheard discussion on the divide between the swingers scene and the BDSM/ fetish scene..

i do have my own experiences, but wonder if others perceive same things i do..

So, i'm interested in hearing other peoples perceptions, hopefully from their personal experiences of both, however, im also interested in peoples preconceived ideas as well x

and ...is it changing, in your opinion ?

Of course there is elitism but doesn't it all boil down to choosing an alternative lifestyle that fulfils you sexually and mentally in the safest and most fun way? thankyou sub _ilac...thats positive..have you witnessed this change recently..and if so, what has triggered it do you think? x"

I've only been on the club scene about 3 years so I can only talk about my recent experiences. The club I mentioned seems to actively encourage a crossover which helps.

My guess is that some of the females I know, who have been on the swinging scene a little bit, maybe aren't finding it as exciting or adventurous as they used to, so they look to experiment a bit more and bring kink into things. I'm only saying females because that's the conversations I've had.

I've also noticed that the younger ones on the fet scene seem to publicly scene with things like exhibitionism, roleplay, dress up (more of the niche kinks like pet play) and they seem to bring sex into it and also swing. They seem more hedonistic than traditional.

Maybe people are thrill seeking and drawing upon both lifestyles and merging them.

I'm guilty of being snobby sometimes about my lifestyle. I used to be a lot worse and I'm kind of softening now. I'm always happy to answer kink questions especially about the niche stuff.

It makes sense for both lifestyles to accept each other and mingle a little more. It would encourage more clubs to cater more for both.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Both groups seem very elitist and love to belittle the 'other side'. I don't see how they could join together.

For some on each scene this is sadly very true. But there is a crossover with some people and plenty are indifferent.

At the the end of the day however you dress it up it's just sexual gratification and people doing what they enjoy.

I think that it is nothing more than wanting to be different and kid themslves that what they are doing is oh so radical and different.

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By *ilacWoman over a year ago

Cheshire

"Hmmmm interesting

I have been to the odd fetish even and whilst not my thing it was eye opener to watch

I must say when I spoke to people and I swing the discussion was interesting

Course more on the difference that bdsm don't shag everyone and I said nor do swingers

Also bdsm events less likely to have sex thankyou...do you feel BDSM folk go home to have their 'sex'..as if its a hidden thing to be done in private or something else? ( devils advocate in the questioning here)xx"

I was surprised recently when the last two fetish events at different clubs, one is strictly a fet club, had people openly having sex (it wasn't against the rules that I know of)

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Bdsm/fetish party...... Very little sex , lots of exhibitionism , very artistic dressed people and lots of socializing.

Swinger party....... Lots of sex , lots of sex , lots of sex

That's the difference in my opinion....

i think it can be casually done - but then is that true bdsm - or just a bit of kink this is the question isnt it..whats 'true' about anything? x and who tells us what is and isnt true? x

as long as we are all happy with what we have and do - and accept others differences then its all good in my book

- ive attended ladies events where there was a mix from the swinging and fet scene and we all rub along just fine

other commonality's beyond the groups we associate with..sounds mighty fine to me xx "

ive met sub _ilac and she is very interesting to talk to about her kinks - chatted about what she does - watched her but never felt forced into it - acceptance is wonderful thing x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"We were at infusions swinging on Friday and at the unit on Saturday. Both great nights im assuming the unit is a fet club?

do you notice a difference in your 'behaviour' on these different nights..and if so, why would that be?"

Yes sorry the unit is a fet club

Yes they are different in some ways. I suppose for me swinging clubs are a lot louder and social lots more laughter

Where as it's darker more serious and a lot less sex in the fet club.

But I have both sides to my personality it seems and I'm enjoying exploring both

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By *ilacWoman over a year ago

Cheshire

"Bdsm/fetish party...... Very little sex , lots of exhibitionism , very artistic dressed people and lots of socializing.

Swinger party....... Lots of sex , lots of sex , lots of sex

That's the difference in my opinion....

i think it can be casually done - but then is that true bdsm - or just a bit of kink this is the question isnt it..whats 'true' about anything? x and who tells us what is and isnt true? x

as long as we are all happy with what we have and do - and accept others differences then its all good in my book

- ive attended ladies events where there was a mix from the swinging and fet scene and we all rub along just fine

other commonality's beyond the groups we associate with..sounds mighty fine to me xx

ive met sub _ilac and she is very interesting to talk to about her kinks - chatted about what she does - watched her but never felt forced into it - acceptance is wonderful thing x"

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I think people tend to dismiss what they don't understand, there is a rich tapestry of kinks that live under the umbrella of bdsm, and not all of it involves pain.

I tend to be open minded about everyone's kinks, there's only one kink that I won't entertain as being a choice and acceptable and that is breeding.

But I find that there are more swingers that are judgemental about bdsm than the other way round, but I think people in the bdsm lifestyle tend to think of themselves as the enlightened ones, and so many take themselves sooo seriously it's a bit tedious to be honest.

I like how swingers (and I use the term as people on fab) can have a laugh, laugh at themselves, that's rare in the kink community (people who are on fet) are fun, or jolly, it's all business, but I don't fit that mould.

Fet people as I said don't really judge swingers, they are too busy picking faults with their own, if I had a quid for every time I've heard someone say "you're not a real Dom " or "your not a real sub" I'd own a fetish club by now.

I am the kinky butler, I like to laugh, I like to give pleasure to women, and I have the power to terrify the living daylight a out of someone if they so wish, I'm too imaginative to be vanilla, and I love to put my skills to good use, and test them.

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By *ilacWoman over a year ago

Cheshire

"We were at infusions swinging on Friday and at the unit on Saturday. Both great nights im assuming the unit is a fet club?

do you notice a difference in your 'behaviour' on these different nights..and if so, why would that be?

Yes sorry the unit is a fet club

Yes they are different in some ways. I suppose for me swinging clubs are a lot louder and social lots more laughter

Where as it's darker more serious and a lot less sex in the fet club.

But I have both sides to my personality it seems and I'm enjoying exploring both "

I think The Unit does have swinging events too. They convert the club a bit to cater for swingers. But they are predominately a traditional fet club. Great venue

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By *uzy444 OP Woman over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

"over the last week i have had and overheard discussion on the divide between the swingers scene and the BDSM/ fetish scene..

i do have my own experiences, but wonder if others perceive same things i do..

So, i'm interested in hearing other peoples perceptions, hopefully from their personal experiences of both, however, im also interested in peoples preconceived ideas as well x

and ...is it changing, in your opinion ?

I've only been on the club scene about 3 years so I can only talk about my recent experiences. The club I mentioned seems to actively encourage a crossover which helps.

Maybe people are thrill seeking and drawing upon both lifestyles and merging them.

I'm guilty of being snobby sometimes about my lifestyle. I used to be a lot worse and I'm kind of softening now. I'm always happy to answer kink questions especially about the niche stuff.

It makes sense for both lifestyles to accept each other and mingle a little more. It would encourage more clubs to cater more for both.

"
thankyou sub_ilac. i appreciate your answers and thoughts x

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By *ilacWoman over a year ago

Cheshire

"I think people tend to dismiss what they don't understand, there is a rich tapestry of kinks that live under the umbrella of bdsm, and not all of it involves pain.

I tend to be open minded about everyone's kinks, there's only one kink that I won't entertain as being a choice and acceptable and that is breeding.

I'd kind of agree with most of that and I'm guilty of it sometimes too. I say jokingly (but not) that BDSM is intelligent sex. Vanilla isn't enough of a stimulus. I will scoff at some wannabes. Then I have a word with myself and remember that everyone is just pleasure seeking. It doesn't matter in what form they find that pleasure.

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By *uzy444 OP Woman over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

"Both groups seem very elitist and love to belittle the 'other side'. I don't see how they could join together.

For some on each scene this is sadly very true. But there is a crossover with some people and plenty are indifferent.

At the the end of the day however you dress it up it's just sexual gratification and people doing what they enjoy.

I think that it is nothing more than wanting to be different and kid themslves that what they are doing is oh so radical and different.

"
really? do you think they are 'fighting against something then? thank you for your perception x

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By *uzy444 OP Woman over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

"Hmmmm interesting

I have been to the odd fetish even and whilst not my thing it was eye opener to watch

I must say when I spoke to people and I swing the discussion was interesting

Course more on the difference that bdsm don't shag everyone and I said nor do swingers

I was surprised recently when the last two fetish events at different clubs, one is strictly a fet club, had people openly having sex (it wasn't against the rules that I know of)

For me, if I'm in a swingers club, I'll openly have sex. If I'm in sex mode. If I'm in bdsm mode, then I will scene (which may have some sexual play in) but I don't have sex. I tend to do impact at clubs which doesn't really work as foreplay for me. The sex would come way after at home. "
so its really a choice between seeking the full body experience of subspace or sex? is this the choice between the scenes..essentially do you think? x

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By *uzy444 OP Woman over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

"Bdsm/fetish party...... Very little sex , lots of exhibitionism , very artistic dressed people and lots of socializing.

Swinger party....... Lots of sex , lots of sex , lots of sex

That's the difference in my opinion....

i think it can be casually done - but then is that true bdsm - or just a bit of kink this is the question isnt it..whats 'true' about anything? x and who tells us what is and isnt true? x

as long as we are all happy with what we have and do - and accept others differences then its all good in my book

- ive attended ladies events where there was a mix from the swinging and fet scene and we all rub along just fine

other commonality's beyond the groups we associate with..sounds mighty fine to me xx

ive met sub _ilac and she is very interesting to talk to about her kinks - chatted about what she does - watched her but never felt forced into it - acceptance is wonderful thing x"
you are lovely xx

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I think people tend to dismiss what they don't understand, there is a rich tapestry of kinks that live under the umbrella of bdsm, and not all of it involves pain.

I tend to be open minded about everyone's kinks, there's only one kink that I won't entertain as being a choice and acceptable and that is breeding.

I think we all want to believe that we have found the best thing since sliced bread, but in actual fact we have found the best thing fir ourselves.

There's no reason why someone can't enjoy both football and rugby but most people chose one or the other, then spend their time putting the other one down.

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By *ilacWoman over a year ago

Cheshire

"Hmmmm interesting

I have been to the odd fetish even and whilst not my thing it was eye opener to watch

I must say when I spoke to people and I swing the discussion was interesting

Course more on the difference that bdsm don't shag everyone and I said nor do swingers

I was surprised recently when the last two fetish events at different clubs, one is strictly a fet club, had people openly having sex (it wasn't against the rules that I know of)

For me, if I'm in a swingers club, I'll openly have sex. If I'm in sex mode. If I'm in bdsm mode, then I will scene (which may have some sexual play in) but I don't have sex. I tend to do impact at clubs which doesn't really work as foreplay for me. The sex would come way after at home. so its really a choice between seeking the full body experience of subspace or sex? is this the choice between the scenes..essentially do you think? x"

I just get more from someone doing a full scene with me which can last hours, or all day than putting their cock in me for a bit. Don't get me wrong. I love sex. But I still need some form of D/s dynamic to be going on for the sex.

If I scene at a club, then I will be pushed to the point were I can't walk and my body aches. Then I go into aftercare mode and want a cuddle and a jacuzzi. Rather than a pounding. But by the time I get home, I'm recharged and up for sex.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"We were at infusions swinging on Friday and at the unit on Saturday. Both great nights im assuming the unit is a fet club?

do you notice a difference in your 'behaviour' on these different nights..and if so, why would that be?

Yes sorry the unit is a fet club

Yes they are different in some ways. I suppose for me swinging clubs are a lot louder and social lots more laughter

Where as it's darker more serious and a lot less sex in the fet club.

But I have both sides to my personality it seems and I'm enjoying exploring both

I think The Unit does have swinging events too. They convert the club a bit to cater for swingers. But they are predominately a traditional fet club. Great venue "

ive been to a swinging party there and for us it didnt work as a swinging place but i get that it works for other things really well and could see that by the look and feel of the place - socially met some lovely people and the night was just that - a place to meet people

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By *uzy444 OP Woman over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

"We were at infusions swinging on Friday and at the unit on Saturday. Both great nights im assuming the unit is a fet club?

do you notice a difference in your 'behaviour' on these different nights..and if so, why would that be?

Yes sorry the unit is a fet club

Yes they are different in some ways. I suppose for me swinging clubs are a lot louder and social lots more laughter

Where as it's darker more serious and a lot less sex in the fet club.

But I have both sides to my personality it seems and I'm enjoying exploring both "
thankyou for this..you feel there should be this difference in atmosphere..what i maean is, not that its right or wrong..but is it 'essential' as if so, why? xx

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By *uzy444 OP Woman over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

"I think people tend to dismiss what they don't understand, there is a rich tapestry of kinks that live under the umbrella of bdsm, and not all of it involves pain.

I tend to be open minded about everyone's kinks, there's only one kink that I won't entertain as being a choice and acceptable and that is breeding.

Bdsm isn't about sex, it's a bonus when it is about sex, but sex is just a small part of it, in fact I've been thinking just lately on how I can test my skills and I've come to the conclusion that I might use sex as a part of a scene to much, but that's something I'm still thinking on"
thankyou KB for sharing..youve touched on several things other people have noticed and myself..i am pondering over all these comments...especially the last bit..can i ask what you do feel BDSM is about? x

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By *uzy444 OP Woman over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

"We were at infusions swinging on Friday and at the unit on Saturday. Both great nights im assuming the unit is a fet club?

do you notice a difference in your 'behaviour' on these different nights..and if so, why would that be?

Yes sorry the unit is a fet club

Yes they are different in some ways. I suppose for me swinging clubs are a lot louder and social lots more laughter

Where as it's darker more serious and a lot less sex in the fet club.

But I have both sides to my personality it seems and I'm enjoying exploring both

I think The Unit does have swinging events too. They convert the club a bit to cater for swingers. But they are predominately a traditional fet club. Great venue "
thankyou .it does seem most clubs cater for both and fet clubs are starting to host events that welcome swingers...i wonder where it will end up? x

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By *uzy444 OP Woman over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

Vanilla isn't enough of a stimulus. I will scoff at some wannabes. Then I have a word with myself and remember that everyone is just pleasure seeking. It doesn't matter in what form they find that pleasure.sub _ilac..

beautifully put xx

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By *uzy444 OP Woman over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

"Hmmmm interesting

I have been to the odd fetish even and whilst not my thing it was eye opener to watch

I must say when I spoke to people and I swing the discussion was interesting

Course more on the difference that bdsm don't shag everyone and I said nor do swingers

I was surprised recently when the last two fetish events at different clubs, one is strictly a fet club, had people openly having sex (it wasn't against the rules that I know of)

For me, if I'm in a swingers club, I'll openly have sex. If I'm in sex mode. If I'm in bdsm mode, then I will scene (which may have some sexual play in) but I don't have sex. I tend to do impact at clubs which doesn't really work as foreplay for me. The sex would come way after at home. so its really a choice between seeking the full body experience of subspace or sex? is this the choice between the scenes..essentially do you think? x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"We were at infusions swinging on Friday and at the unit on Saturday. Both great nights im assuming the unit is a fet club?

do you notice a difference in your 'behaviour' on these different nights..and if so, why would that be?

Yes sorry the unit is a fet club

Yes they are different in some ways. I suppose for me swinging clubs are a lot louder and social lots more laughter

Where as it's darker more serious and a lot less sex in the fet club.

But I have both sides to my personality it seems and I'm enjoying exploring both thankyou for this..you feel there should be this difference in atmosphere..what i maean is, not that its right or wrong..but is it 'essential' as if so, why? xx"

For me yes I like the difference there's somethings that take concentration and skill I think if you had loud bubbly groups of people it would be quite distracting. Although I have to say the unit was my only experience and I'm just making a judgement on that night

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By *uzy444 OP Woman over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

"We were at infusions swinging on Friday and at the unit on Saturday. Both great nights im assuming the unit is a fet club?

do you notice a difference in your 'behaviour' on these different nights..and if so, why would that be?

Yes sorry the unit is a fet club

Yes they are different in some ways. I suppose for me swinging clubs are a lot louder and social lots more laughter

Where as it's darker more serious and a lot less sex in the fet club.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I practice "rope-work" with a completely different set than exist here on fab. However I have never had sex (okay, once

) with a rope-muse. To me it's a completely different activity. Many of the people I know in the BDSM scene are not "about" physical" pleasure, more about mental stimulation.

Having said that I am not a dom, nor do I wish for that aspect of things; I just like crafting with rope and a good body. I think some in the BDSM scene view swingers as a bit "animalistic"; mainly due to the physical vs mental stimulation thing, but I think this is based on a misunderstanding. I think some in the swingers world, view BDSM as a bit "abusive", again based on misunderstanding.

Sitting between worlds and ignoring labels; I find both groups have their good, bad and extremes..

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By *ndykinkyMan over a year ago

STOKE-ON-TRENT

I don't think you can describe the differences between bdsm and swinging as a divide.

More like two different groups with some people enjoying elements of both but others into one scene or the other.

I got into the Fetish/bdsm scene many years ago and never thought about swinging.

Then a young lady friend invited me to attend the same Club but on a swingers night.

Now I enjoy some parts of the swinging scene and some of the Fetish scene. Some of the swinging scene doesn't attract me and some of the Fetish scene doesn't attract me.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

is there a reason do you think that 'sex' hasnt found its way more into the BDSM party scene then?is it tradition or something? x"

There is as, others have said, plenty of sex at private BDSM parties and between partners. In clubs or public parties however it is generally a no-no.

Two reasons for this that have been put to me are.

1) BDSM clubs are usually held on ordinary licensed premises not those licensed as sex clubs or private members club. So any form of sexual activity would leave the promoter open to criminal charges.

2) Most BDSM activities are not directly sexual, in fact many participants specifically avoid sexual activities as they feel it detracts from what they want to do. Sexually BDSM clubs are the same as vanilla nightclubs but curiously nobody comments on the lack of public sex in them.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

saying that - i do know if i ever meet the op i have to kneel

and be a good girl

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By *uzy444 OP Woman over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

"I practice "rope-work" with a completely different set than exist here on fab. However I have never had sex (okay, once

) with a rope-muse. To me it's a completely different activity. Many of the people I know in the BDSM scene are not "about" physical" pleasure, more about mental stimulation.

Sitting between worlds and ignoring labels; I find both groups have their good, bad and extremes.."

interesting viewpoint pauly..

as a person who likes their mental emotional physical and spirit/ soul aligned at all times ..i feel this is why i like aspects of both scenes and feel 'imbalanced' when one is missing in my life, for too long xx thankyou x

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By *ilacWoman over a year ago

Cheshire

is there a reason do you think that 'sex' hasnt found its way more into the BDSM party scene then?is it tradition or something? x

There is as, others have said, plenty of sex at private BDSM parties and between partners. In clubs or public parties however it is generally a no-no.

Two reasons for this that have been put to me are.

1) BDSM clubs are usually held on ordinary licensed premises not those licensed as sex clubs or private members club. So any form of sexual activity would leave the promoter open to criminal charges.

Sex also doesn't (for me) lend itself to the kind of play I do at events. I'm more likely to do an SM scene and hard impact which for me, doesn't go hand in hand with orgasms. I don't want to have an orgasm while I'm on a pain buzz. I know for others it does.

At home, I'm more likely to do sensory play or milder impact, worship or humiliation, roleplay and niche stuff which does incorporate sex.

If I'm in vanilla mode, I can go to a swingers event, indulge in some mild kink and it mixes with sex.

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By *uzy444 OP Woman over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

"I don't think you can describe the differences between bdsm and swinging as a divide.

More like two different groups with some people enjoying elements of both but others into one scene or the other.

I got into the Fetish/bdsm scene many years ago and never thought about swinging.

Then a young lady friend invited me to attend the same Club but on a swingers night.

Now I enjoy some parts of the swinging scene and some of the Fetish scene. Some of the swinging scene doesn't attract me and some of the Fetish scene doesn't attract me.

Some elements of the Fetish /bdsm scene would have some swingers running away screaming. Any events that try to combine Fetish/bdsm and swinging I think have to be carefully thought out and maybe explained to those who show an interest as to what exactly will be happening at the event. "
thankyou Andy..maybe its a divide that i have experienced within myself, that i am attempting to reconcile...a personal path, reflected back at me by the people i meet, in order to close the gap...i appreciate that you didnt have this and enjoy where you are with both perspectives x

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By *uzy444 OP Woman over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

is there a reason do you think that 'sex' hasnt found its way more into the BDSM party scene then?is it tradition or something? x

There is as, others have said, plenty of sex at private BDSM parties and between partners. In clubs or public parties however it is generally a no-no.

Two reasons for this that have been put to me are.

1) BDSM clubs are usually held on ordinary licensed premises not those licensed as sex clubs or private members club. So any form of sexual activity would leave the promoter open to criminal charges.

i would beg to differ that BDSM activities are not directly sexual.. spiritual highs and sexual highs are intrinsically linked in my experience..but then tantra and altered states are my thing and all of them are about sharing unconditional love, expressing that with physical intimacy/ activity, is a perfectly natural state to engage in during those times ( but i am not the many, i realize that could be, just me)x

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By *uzy444 OP Woman over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

"saying that - i do know if i ever meet the op i have to kneel

and be a good girl "
yes darling youre a very good girl and you will be rewarded xx

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I think a large part is that both scenes are becoming more public.

As it often is the old crowd are entrenched and comfortable with each other small numbers of new comers are easily absorbed without major disturbance to the group.

However now we're seeing a much more sexually liberated public dipping its toea in who wish to try things out and have fun but theres enough of them that they often need only mix with themselves.

Which leads to many of the old group becoming annoyed (what they heldndear seems to be vanishing before thier eyes) and we start getting the "you dont udnerstand, you're doing it wrong, youre not a real X" arguments starting.

But as usual large amounts of new people bring large ampunts of new money and things change to accommodate them

So we see the mainstream bdsm become lighter more tie and tease and a friday night giggle and we swinging become softer more selective more partners only playing with themselevss but in public.

For instance i think most of the newer swingers here would be horrified at the thought kf keys in a bowl and no say with who they rnd up with.

In fact we've seen threads from the older hard core of swingers complaing that new people now are too picky and treating it like a hook up not swinging

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By *ovely kinkyCouple over a year ago

Cardiff

"saying that - i do know if i ever meet the op i have to kneel

and be a good girl yes darling youre a very good girl and you will be rewarded xx

This is getting interesting

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By *uzy444 OP Woman over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

is there a reason do you think that 'sex' hasnt found its way more into the BDSM party scene then?is it tradition or something? x

There is as, others have said, plenty of sex at private BDSM parties and between partners. In clubs or public parties however it is generally a no-no.

Two reasons for this that have been put to me are.

1) BDSM clubs are usually held on ordinary licensed premises not those licensed as sex clubs or private members club. So any form of sexual activity would leave the promoter open to criminal charges.

At home, I'm more likely to do sensory play or milder impact, worship or humiliation, roleplay and niche stuff which does incorporate sex.

If I'm in vanilla mode, I can go to a swingers event, indulge in some mild kink and it mixes with sex. "

so depends on the flavour of the energy present within you and what you feel you need to regain or enhance 'wellbeing' then? xx

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By *ilacWoman over a year ago

Cheshire

is there a reason do you think that 'sex' hasnt found its way more into the BDSM party scene then?is it tradition or something? x

There is as, others have said, plenty of sex at private BDSM parties and between partners. In clubs or public parties however it is generally a no-no.

Two reasons for this that have been put to me are.

1) BDSM clubs are usually held on ordinary licensed premises not those licensed as sex clubs or private members club. So any form of sexual activity would leave the promoter open to criminal charges.

At home, I'm more likely to do sensory play or milder impact, worship or humiliation, roleplay and niche stuff which does incorporate sex.

If I'm in vanilla mode, I can go to a swingers event, indulge in some mild kink and it mixes with sex.

so depends on the flavour of the energy present within you and what you feel you need to regain or enhance 'wellbeing' then? xx"

Yes. Sometimes the pain buzz is more of a need than an orgasms. Other times, it doesn't.

I do tone down my BDSM play in front of swingers. So if I go to a club amongst just the fet crowd, where I know I can engage in niche or edge play, I'll try and max out on that and sex goes on the back burner.

I suppose I see going to a fet event as a special occasion so I want special occasion play and will usually try out new impact toys or edge play. So that's my focus. I can do sex stuff at home. I want to make the most of the equipment there.

On reflection, at home, it's fairly balanced sex/kink, a happy medium.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"saying that - i do know if i ever meet the op i have to kneel

and be a good girl yes darling youre a very good girl and you will be rewarded xx

looking forward to that suzy xx

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By *uzy444 OP Woman over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

"I think a large part is that both scenes are becoming more public.

As it often is the old crowd are entrenched and comfortable with each other small numbers of new comers are easily absorbed without major disturbance to the group.

However now we're seeing a much more sexually liberated public dipping its toea in who wish to try things out and have fun but theres enough of them that they often need only mix with themselves.

But as usual large amounts of new people bring large ampunts of new money and things change to accommodate them

So we see the mainstream bdsm become lighter more tie and tease and a friday night giggle and we swinging become softer more selective more partners only playing with themselevss but in public.

For instance i think most of the newer swingers here would be horrified at the thought kf keys in a bowl and no say with who they rnd up with.

In fact we've seen threads from the older hard core of swingers complaing that new people now are too picky and treating it like a hook up not swinging "

i do believe you are right, whatever the reasons, walls and the unknowns are being traversed and incorporated. diversity is becoming the new inclusiveness..its an interesting trend..pondering over this and applying it to aspects of my life where i do have resistance to change myself, where i feel quality is being dissolved..however i hvave reached peace in this aspect of my life and will attempt the same reconciliation process here, with this aspect..thankyou Wolf Ryder i appreciate you x

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By *uzy444 OP Woman over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

"saying that - i do know if i ever meet the op i have to kneel

and be a good girl yes darling youre a very good girl and you will be rewarded xx

This is getting interesting

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By *uzy444 OP Woman over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

is there a reason do you think that 'sex' hasnt found its way more into the BDSM party scene then?is it tradition or something? x

There is as, others have said, plenty of sex at private BDSM parties and between partners. In clubs or public parties however it is generally a no-no.

Two reasons for this that have been put to me are.

1) BDSM clubs are usually held on ordinary licensed premises not those licensed as sex clubs or private members club. So any form of sexual activity would leave the promoter open to criminal charges.

At home, I'm more likely to do sensory play or milder impact, worship or humiliation, roleplay and niche stuff which does incorporate sex.

If I'm in vanilla mode, I can go to a swingers event, indulge in some mild kink and it mixes with sex.

so depends on the flavour of the energy present within you and what you feel you need to regain or enhance 'wellbeing' then? xx

Yes. Sometimes the pain buzz is more of a need than an orgasms. Other times, it doesn't.

On reflection, at home, it's fairly balanced sex/kink, a happy medium. "

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By *uzy444 OP Woman over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

"saying that - i do know if i ever meet the op i have to kneel

and be a good girl yes darling youre a very good girl and you will be rewarded xx

looking forward to that suzy xx"
you better look at last week in june then honey..im still coming up your way

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"saying that - i do know if i ever meet the op i have to kneel

and be a good girl yes darling youre a very good girl and you will be rewarded xx

looking forward to that suzy xx you better look at last week in june then honey..im still coming up your way

xx"

ooooyeah - noted xx

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