FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Sexless marriage....
Sexless marriage....
Jump to: Newest in thread
 |
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
The definition of a sexless marriage is one where sex occurs 10 times a year or less.
The statistics say this accounts for 15% - 20% of long term relationships.
There are lots of reasons why this is so, low sex drive can be caused by lifestyle, tiredness, depression, low self esteem etc etc.
Often the relationship is good, it's just the sex that's missing.
Do sites like this and other sites where married people cheat, have a place in saving relationships, are they a neccesary release, or do they do more harm than good? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I'll let you know if it works for me individually as I'm only just starting to meet people,if it stops the ever growing feeling of resentment I'm getting for my OH who I still love to bits btw. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Been married 15 years. Been single for a year or so. In my case sex was good. Until we had a baby. About 9 years in. I couldn't cheat . She was my best mate. And still is. But going through life with no sex. Ended up making its own set of problems. I ended up looseing work and frenids. And Uesd to drink at night even in the week. Before I didn't drink at all. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
10 times a year isn't sexless though, so I don't really understand that definition. And does that mean penetrative sex or any sexual contact? Sounds flawed to me. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I had two marriages where the sex hardly happened (not on my part) i got out for how the ex husband's behaved.they both cheated on me. I was neglected and they found sex elsewhere. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Being single can be wonderful,at least I don't have the heartache of someone cheating on me at the moment. Thing's come out at the end of the day and the devastation is immense. I find it very hard to take when someone says they love their partner,but yes I'm still going to shag around,is that love or just lack of respect for their partner who they proclaim to love. Would their partner feel their loved?
I see some married people with meet after meet after meet and all I can think about is their oblivious spouse and children at home and my heart goes out to them. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
my marriage was totally sexless for the last eight years, we didnt even share the same bed, though i can honestly say i never had aex with anybody else it turned out he was, apparently when it all came out he hadn't gone off sex he had gone off me
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"The definition of a sexless marriage is one where sex occurs 10 times a year or less.
The statistics say this accounts for 15% - 20% of long term relationships.
There are lots of reasons why this is so, low sex drive can be caused by lifestyle, tiredness, depression, low self esteem etc etc.
Often the relationship is good, it's just the sex that's missing.
Do sites like this and other sites where married people cheat, have a place in saving relationships, are they a neccesary release, or do they do more harm than good?"
what I don't understand is the ones who are clearly affected by their partners cheating and decry them for doing so yet gladly meet married men for sex themselves, revenge or double standards??? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Being single can be wonderful,at least I don't have the heartache of someone cheating on me at the moment. Thing's come out at the end of the day and the devastation is immense. I find it very hard to take when someone says they love their partner,but yes I'm still going to shag around,is that love or just lack of respect for their partner who they proclaim to love. Would their partner feel their loved?
I see some married people with meet after meet after meet and all I can think about is their oblivious spouse and children at home and my heart goes out to them."
And what about the spouse who denies sex to their partner?They can't love them if they won't make love to them. If cheating is such a massive thing in a relationship, then surely denying sex is also a massive thing too? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Being single can be wonderful,at least I don't have the heartache of someone cheating on me at the moment. Thing's come out at the end of the day and the devastation is immense. I find it very hard to take when someone says they love their partner,but yes I'm still going to shag around,is that love or just lack of respect for their partner who they proclaim to love. Would their partner feel their loved?
I see some married people with meet after meet after meet and all I can think about is their oblivious spouse and children at home and my heart goes out to them.
And what about the spouse who denies sex to their partner?They can't love them if they won't make love to them. If cheating is such a massive thing in a relationship, then surely denying sex is also a massive thing too?"
No neglect, rejection and the ensuing depression are acceptable apparently. We should leave.  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
This site has improved our sex life as a couple. It's why my husband got me on Fab.
My life is very stressful and demanding. Sex became a massively low priority. When I'm on Fab, it becomes more of a priority as I'm thinking about it more.
Before Fab, I wouldn't think about sex all day, I'd be running around after everyone, exhausted and mega stressed. And in the evening when I just wanted to die - or at least pray I'd get an uninterrupted nights sleep before the onslaught the next day - he'd want sex.
And it was just another demand, that I couldn't meet. Or I would try to have sex and end up upset because I was worried I'd end up with less sleep and even more stressed the next day.
Fab has changed that. My life is still really stressful, that won't go away. But I have a distraction, that keeps my libido ticking over. And then he's much more likely to get some. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Being single can be wonderful,at least I don't have the heartache of someone cheating on me at the moment. Thing's come out at the end of the day and the devastation is immense. I find it very hard to take when someone says they love their partner,but yes I'm still going to shag around,is that love or just lack of respect for their partner who they proclaim to love. Would their partner feel their loved?
I see some married people with meet after meet after meet and all I can think about is their oblivious spouse and children at home and my heart goes out to them.
And what about the spouse who denies sex to their partner?They can't love them if they won't make love to them. If cheating is such a massive thing in a relationship, then surely denying sex is also a massive thing too?
No neglect, rejection and the ensuing depression are acceptable apparently. We should leave. "
i kind of agree, though if somebody has genuinely gone off sex they should not feel pressured into it
On the other had its not a nice feeling when your partner women be pysical with you, you feel undesired and unloved, which can make you feel down, being rejected time after time isn't going to do anybodies self esteem any good
its a difficult one |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Being single can be wonderful,at least I don't have the heartache of someone cheating on me at the moment. Thing's come out at the end of the day and the devastation is immense. I find it very hard to take when someone says they love their partner,but yes I'm still going to shag around,is that love or just lack of respect for their partner who they proclaim to love. Would their partner feel their loved?
I see some married people with meet after meet after meet and all I can think about is their oblivious spouse and children at home and my heart goes out to them.
And what about the spouse who denies sex to their partner?They can't love them if they won't make love to them. If cheating is such a massive thing in a relationship, then surely denying sex is also a massive thing too?"
It is yes of course and in an ideal world those problems would be sorted between man and wife,but we don't live in an ideal world do we... |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Every relationship is diff , and that is their relationship I have no right to judge or say what others should be doing . I was cheated on in my marriage but I take half the responsibility and don't tar cheats with the same brush |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Trying to work this one out myself. 10 times a year?! Without wanting to sound too much like one of the four Yorkshiremen - you were lucky! I'm currently at a big fat zero, and last year wasn't much better.
It's easy to decry people for cheating, but there is a huge emotional weight that comes with forced abstinence. For me, a lot of being on here is to meet some kind of need to feel I might still at least be desirable, even if I neve get to act on it.
In completely unrelated news, my wrists ache...  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Trying to work this one out myself. 10 times a year?! Without wanting to sound too much like one of the four Yorkshiremen - you were lucky! I'm currently at a big fat zero, and last year wasn't much better.
It's easy to decry people for cheating, but there is a huge emotional weight that comes with forced abstinence. For me, a lot of being on here is to meet some kind of need to feel I might still at least be desirable, even if I neve get to act on it.
In completely unrelated news, my wrists ache... "
Oh I wonder why  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"talking is the key..if that fails divorce..not cheating .solves nothing .if she were and you found out?"
Talking is the key no matter how hard it is,I probably fail at this enormously. You live and learn... |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
My hubby and I have not had sex in 6 yrs. He doesn't get ANY urges sexually. He knows I'm on here and that I meet fwbs (I asked him). This has helped our marriage as I'm not pestering him for anything. We hug, kiss,indeed we are best mates and really happy. I need sex and he understands. I'm no doubt going to get slated for this on here but hey ho. I have a really brilliant albeit sexless marriage that works for us. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
In answer to the op , yes . Sites like this can scratch an itch for those in a sexless relationship .
As long as it's clean , safe and NSA then it can help keep couples together .
I agree that denying sex , or not wanting a physical relationship with your partner is not good , and if sites like this help then why not ?
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"My hubby and I have not had sex in 6 yrs. He doesn't get ANY urges sexually. He knows I'm on here and that I meet fwbs (I asked him). This has helped our marriage as I'm not pestering him for anything. We hug, kiss,indeed we are best mates and really happy. I need sex and he understands. I'm no doubt going to get slated for this on here but hey ho. I have a really brilliant albeit sexless marriage that works for us. "
Sounds good to me and it works for both of you .  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"My hubby and I have not had sex in 6 yrs. He doesn't get ANY urges sexually. He knows I'm on here and that I meet fwbs (I asked him). This has helped our marriage as I'm not pestering him for anything. We hug, kiss,indeed we are best mates and really happy. I need sex and he understands. I'm no doubt going to get slated for this on here but hey ho. I have a really brilliant albeit sexless marriage that works for us. "
personally i see nothing wrong with that, if it works for you it matters not what others think |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"My hubby and I have not had sex in 6 yrs. He doesn't get ANY urges sexually. He knows I'm on here and that I meet fwbs (I asked him). This has helped our marriage as I'm not pestering him for anything. We hug, kiss,indeed we are best mates and really happy. I need sex and he understands. I'm no doubt going to get slated for this on here but hey ho. I have a really brilliant albeit sexless marriage that works for us. "
You shouldn't get slated,everyone knows what's what,most importantly your hushand. I have the upmost respect for you. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
When i was 19 i had a regular FWB an i wasaware he was in a long term relationship.. he randomly one day (after about a year) thanked me, because in his words 'Saved his relationship'
If it wasnt for me keeping antics alive for him, he would have left his partner and they never would have concieved their daughter.
While im thrilled he finally has his daughter (she really is the apple of his eye) i still look back now im older and think was it the right way to go about it..
I know of his partner and she would be crushed if she knew he cheated. So yes i feel guilty now im older and wiser.
Wouldnt do it again, but was selfish then |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Don't see how cheating can be good for whoever is getting cheated on. Maybe if more folk spent a bit of time trying to put things right in their relationships than on here looking for a bit of strange they wouldn't be in a sexless relationship |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I think the op is asking about the ones cheating without the partner knowing rather than the ones knowing !!! Is it cheating if the partner knows just a question ? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I think the op is asking about the ones cheating without the partner knowing rather than the ones knowing !!! Is it cheating if the partner knows just a question ?"
i wouldnt have though so..
cheating to me is ANYTHING secretive.. even from texting someone on the sly.. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Don't see how cheating can be good for whoever is getting cheated on. Maybe if more folk spent a bit of time trying to put things right in their relationships than on here looking for a bit of strange they wouldn't be in a sexless relationship "
I do agree with your first line, but not every sexless marriage is due to a strained relationship. There are physical reasons too, or some people just aren't interested in sex. It's a bit presumptious to assume everyone on here and looking for someone else hasn't already tried to sort it out through other means, or that somehow talking will magically unleash the sex fairy.
Incidentally - does anyone know where I can find a sex fairy? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I'm a member of a parenting forum and if you hit the sex forum section, it is choc full of women who say that they can't be arsed to have sex (cos they're tired due to the kids and various other reasons etc) BUT, they then go on to say that their husband doesn't really mind and shows little interest in wanting it anyway.
Meanwhile, maybe those husbands are on here or or sites like this, cos they're not getting it at home but haven't broached it with their partner.
In situations like that, just talk to each other. Don't assume that no sex is ok because your other half hasn't mentioned it's a problem.
I understand there are lots of reasons sex drive diminishes, beareavement, stress, depression, illness, medication side-effects, low sex drive, loss of desire etc but sometimes help is available to help with this - but if you don't let them know that the no sex is driving you potty, how can it be addressed?
Mind, if you have addressed it and still nothing changes, well then you've tried.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
This article was featured in the Times recently and it focused on the hurt and confusion caused to the partner of the person who has withdrawn the sex.
It made me think of many people on here in a new light. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"My hubby and I have not had sex in 6 yrs. He doesn't get ANY urges sexually. He knows I'm on here and that I meet fwbs (I asked him). This has helped our marriage as I'm not pestering him for anything. We hug, kiss,indeed we are best mates and really happy. I need sex and he understands. I'm no doubt going to get slated for this on here but hey ho. I have a really brilliant albeit sexless marriage that works for us. "
I wouldn't call that cheating, your husband is aware of your choice and is happy for you to carry on, if you had spoke to him and he said no and you did it anyway that is cheating |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"My hubby and I have not had sex in 6 yrs. He doesn't get ANY urges sexually. He knows I'm on here and that I meet fwbs (I asked him). This has helped our marriage as I'm not pestering him for anything. We hug, kiss,indeed we are best mates and really happy. I need sex and he understands. I'm no doubt going to get slated for this on here but hey ho. I have a really brilliant albeit sexless marriage that works for us. "
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Being single can be wonderful,at least I don't have the heartache of someone cheating on me at the moment. Thing's come out at the end of the day and the devastation is immense. I find it very hard to take when someone says they love their partner,but yes I'm still going to shag around,is
that love or just lack of respect for their partner who they proclaim to love. Would their partner feel their loved?
I see some married people with meet after meet after meet and all I can think about is their oblivious spouse and children at home and my heart goes out to them.
And what about the spouse who denies sex to their partner?They can't love them if they won't make love to them. If cheating is such a massive thing in a relationship, then surely denying sex is also a massive thing too?"
 |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I needed more help round the house and with my kids to want sex, i was tired but that didn't stop my sex drive much at all, it was the fact that i wasn't happy doing everything and being ignored by a lazy cunt that stopped me wanting to fuck him.
When my ex started spending more time on the internet to find women to cheat with behind my back that fucked everything up for us. Especially as he could've spent that time doing more to help me out.
So it never helped my relationship as i wanted sex but i also wanted to be treated as an equal and not a skivvy. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I'm a member of a parenting forum and if you hit the sex forum section, it is choc full of women who say that they can't be arsed to have sex (cos they're tired due to the kids and various other reasons etc) BUT, they then go on to say that their husband doesn't really mind and shows little interest in wanting it anyway.
Meanwhile, maybe those husbands are on here or or sites like this, cos they're not getting it at home but haven't broached it with their partner.
In situations like that, just talk to each other. Don't assume that no sex is ok because your other half hasn't mentioned it's a problem.
I understand there are lots of reasons sex drive diminishes, beareavement, stress, depression, illness, medication side-effects, low sex drive, loss of desire etc but sometimes help is available to help with this - but if you don't let them know that the no sex is driving you potty, how can it be addressed?
Mind, if you have addressed it and still nothing changes, well then you've tried.
"
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
If one person in a marriage is highly sexed, and the other has no interest there are three choices for the person who feels they need sex: leave and find it elsewhere, stay and find it elsewhere, stay and be celebate and frustrated. No ideal solution. Some people may be able to find a compromise within those choices. I for one would not be prepared to be celebate, it would drive me nuts. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Don't see how cheating can be good for whoever is getting cheated on. Maybe if more folk spent a bit of time trying to put things right in their relationships than on here looking for a bit of strange they wouldn't be in a sexless relationship "
I can only speak for my own position. After trying everything reasonably possible over a period of almost 5 years, I'm still in a sexless marriage and have been on Fab for the past year.
I would not judge your reasons for "looking for a bit of strange" as I'd like to hope that you wouldn't judge others. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Don't see how cheating can be good for whoever is getting cheated on. Maybe if more folk spent a bit of time trying to put things right in their relationships than on here looking for a bit of strange they wouldn't be in a sexless relationship
I do agree with your first line, but not every sexless marriage is due to a strained relationship. There are physical reasons too, or some people just aren't interested in sex. It's a bit presumptious to assume everyone on here and looking for someone else hasn't already tried to sort it out through other means, or that somehow talking will magically unleash the sex fairy.
Incidentally - does anyone know where I can find a sex fairy?"
I'm here hun I even have my own wand |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Don't see how cheating can be good for whoever is getting cheated on. Maybe if more folk spent a bit of time trying to put things right in their relationships than on here looking for a bit of strange they wouldn't be in a sexless relationship
I can only speak for my own position. After trying everything reasonably possible over a period of almost 5 years, I'm still in a sexless marriage and have been on Fab for the past year.
I would not judge your reasons for "looking for a bit of strange" as I'd like to hope that you wouldn't judge others."
looking at your earlier post though you have tried to sort out the lack of sex on your relationship and come up with something that works for you and your partner.
i think that post more means people who refuse to sort anything out and instead think it's ok to go do what they want without their partners consideration. like my ex did. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Don't see how cheating can be good for whoever is getting cheated on. Maybe if more folk spent a bit of time trying to put things right in their relationships than on here looking for a bit of strange they wouldn't be in a sexless relationship
I can only speak for my own position. After trying everything reasonably possible over a period of almost 5 years, I'm still in a sexless marriage and have been on Fab for the past year.
I would not judge your reasons for "looking for a bit of strange" as I'd like to hope that you wouldn't judge others.
looking at your earlier post though you have tried to sort out the lack of sex on your relationship and come up with something that works for you and your partner.
i think that post more means people who refuse to sort anything out and instead think it's ok to go do what they want without their partners consideration. like my ex did."
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"This site has improved our sex life as a couple. It's why my husband got me on Fab.
My life is very stressful and demanding. Sex became a massively low priority. When I'm on Fab, it becomes more of a priority as I'm thinking about it more.
Before Fab, I wouldn't think about sex all day, I'd be running around after everyone, exhausted and mega stressed. And in the evening when I just wanted to die - or at least pray I'd get an uninterrupted nights sleep before the onslaught the next day - he'd want sex.
And it was just another demand, that I couldn't meet. Or I would try to have sex and end up upset because I was worried I'd end up with less sleep and even more stressed the next day.
Fab has changed that. My life is still really stressful, that won't go away. But I have a distraction, that keeps my libido ticking over. And then he's much more likely to get some. "
It's important for women to feel sexy.. I mean sluts.
 TSH |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Don't see how cheating can be good for whoever is getting cheated on. Maybe if more folk spent a bit of time trying to put things right in their relationships than on here looking for a bit of strange they wouldn't be in a sexless relationship
I can only speak for my own position. After trying everything reasonably possible over a period of almost 5 years, I'm still in a sexless marriage and have been on Fab for the past year.
I would not judge your reasons for "looking for a bit of strange" as I'd like to hope that you wouldn't judge others.
looking at your earlier post though you have tried to sort out the lack of sex on your relationship and come up with something that works for you and your partner.
i think that post more means people who refuse to sort anything out and instead think it's ok to go do what they want without their partners consideration. like my ex did."
Sometimes it can't be talked though or come together with an agreement between a husband and wife, thrust me I have tried some many time to talk about it but what do you do when she just doesn't want. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Incidentally - does anyone know where I can find a sex fairy?
I'm here hun I even have my own wand "
I was going to say I don't remember that version of Cinderella, but I'm sure if I searched online it'd show up eventually.
Now if you could make my wand shoot skittle-flavoured rainbows, my wait for a blowjob might finally be over |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Don't see how cheating can be good for whoever is getting cheated on. Maybe if more folk spent a bit of time trying to put things right in their relationships than on here looking for a bit of strange they wouldn't be in a sexless relationship
I can only speak for my own position. After trying everything reasonably possible over a period of almost 5 years, I'm still in a sexless marriage and have been on Fab for the past year.
I would not judge your reasons for "looking for a bit of strange" as I'd like to hope that you wouldn't judge others.
looking at your earlier post though you have tried to sort out the lack of sex on your relationship and come up with something that works for you and your partner.
i think that post more means people who refuse to sort anything out and instead think it's ok to go do what they want without their partners consideration. like my ex did.
Sometimes it can't be talked though or come together with an agreement between a husband and wife, thrust me I have tried some many time to talk about it but what do you do when she just doesn't want. "
Find out the underlying reason.
Is she stressed, tired, taking any medication that can reduce sex drive. Does she have any worries eating away at her that she doesn't talk about, like finances, kids, the future of your relationship. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Being single can be wonderful,at least I don't have the heartache of someone cheating on me at the moment. Thing's come out at the end of the day and the devastation is immense. I find it very hard to take when someone says they love their partner,but yes I'm still going to shag around,is that love or just lack of respect for their partner who they proclaim to love. Would their partner feel their loved?
I see some married people with meet after meet after meet and all I can think about is their oblivious spouse and children at home and my heart goes out to them."
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Don't see how cheating can be good for whoever is getting cheated on. Maybe if more folk spent a bit of time trying to put things right in their relationships than on here looking for a bit of strange they wouldn't be in a sexless relationship
I can only speak for my own position. After trying everything reasonably possible over a period of almost 5 years, I'm still in a sexless marriage and have been on Fab for the past year.
I would not judge your reasons for "looking for a bit of strange" as I'd like to hope that you wouldn't judge others.
looking at your earlier post though you have tried to sort out the lack of sex on your relationship and come up with something that works for you and your partner.
i think that post more means people who refuse to sort anything out and instead think it's ok to go do what they want without their partners consideration. like my ex did.
Sometimes it can't be talked though or come together with an agreement between a husband and wife, thrust me I have tried some many time to talk about it but what do you do when she just doesn't want.
Find out the underlying reason.
Is she stressed, tired, taking any medication that can reduce sex drive. Does she have any worries eating away at her that she doesn't talk about, like finances, kids, the future of your relationship."
She may not even know. I know that my husband doing the odd bit of hoovering to help doesn't change my libido.
He is awesome, he takes the kids out for half the weekend so I can chill out in my own and it still didn't make me suddenly want to jump him, although it helped.
Things like him putting the kids to bed instead of me helps, as the last thing I have in my mind is sex when I've sat with a grumpy kid for an hour+ waiting for them to go to sleep. So that's a libido killer for me and when he puts them to bed he's more likely to get some so he does that job a couple of times a week.
Another thing that helps me is me spending time and money on looking good. I don't feel sexy when I'm wearing clothes that are all five years old, and when my hair hasn't been cut in months, and my makeup is all out of date. I do feel sexy when I've spent some money on looking and feeling good.
I also feel sexy when I get attention from other men. So that's why I'm here.
And finally, my libido picks up loads when I do regular exercise and have a healthier diet.
So it's fundamentally about having enough time to look after yourself I think, which is why I suspect sex lives die when you have kids, for women anyway. We're now expected to work full-time, look amazing, have a clean and tidy house, and look after the kids and be on top of all the admin, and all blokes these days still are really expected to do is work and maybe help out once in a while.
It's not true of my relationship, but I know it's true for a lot of couples.
I do know a lot of husbands who are clueless about the amount of work involved with kids. It all looks effortless when your other half is doing it.
And there is no quick fix I think, it takes time. A libido won't suddenly come back just cos you bought a bunch of flowers for her. It's far, far deeper than that.
(And for the record I've also been in a sexless marriage where I wanted sex and he couldn't bear to even touch me. Turned out he had depression. We split because we were just very bad for each other, neither of us were happy. He's now remarried with a child, and as far as I know much happier. So I do know how it feels to be on the other side.)
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Don't see how cheating can be good for whoever is getting cheated on. Maybe if more folk spent a bit of time trying to put things right in their relationships than on here looking for a bit of strange they wouldn't be in a sexless relationship
I can only speak for my own position. After trying everything reasonably possible over a period of almost 5 years, I'm still in a sexless marriage and have been on Fab for the past year.
I would not judge your reasons for "looking for a bit of strange" as I'd like to hope that you wouldn't judge others.
looking at your earlier post though you have tried to sort out the lack of sex on your relationship and come up with something that works for you and your partner.
i think that post more means people who refuse to sort anything out and instead think it's ok to go do what they want without their partners consideration. like my ex did.
Sometimes it can't be talked though or come together with an agreement between a husband and wife, thrust me I have tried some many time to talk about it but what do you do when she just doesn't want.
Find out the underlying reason.
Is she stressed, tired, taking any medication that can reduce sex drive. Does she have any worries eating away at her that she doesn't talk about, like finances, kids, the future of your relationship."
None of the above, she disabled, sex was great before but now she will not talk about it, just chances the subject or start to get angry so now we just leave it. I have a few times tried to bring it back up but as soon as I start I can see where it's going so back off. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Don't see how cheating can be good for whoever is getting cheated on. Maybe if more folk spent a bit of time trying to put things right in their relationships than on here looking for a bit of strange they wouldn't be in a sexless relationship
I can only speak for my own position. After trying everything reasonably possible over a period of almost 5 years, I'm still in a sexless marriage and have been on Fab for the past year.
I would not judge your reasons for "looking for a bit of strange" as I'd like to hope that you wouldn't judge others.
looking at your earlier post though you have tried to sort out the lack of sex on your relationship and come up with something that works for you and your partner.
i think that post more means people who refuse to sort anything out and instead think it's ok to go do what they want without their partners consideration. like my ex did.
Sometimes it can't be talked though or come together with an agreement between a husband and wife, thrust me I have tried some many time to talk about it but what do you do when she just doesn't want. "
if you can't sort something out and have accepted the situation and stay together you're still a couple then.
an unhappy couple with problems but you've decided to stick by each other. supposedly. and this was the end of my relationship with my decent ex.
he disrespected me by continuing with the relationship and ignoring what i wanted, i disrespected his wish to have intimacy. he went one further and looked for intimacy outside of our relationship without my knowledge or permission.
i found out.
the end.
i can see where i went wrong as well as him. doesn't make it any different the outcome though. he didn't care about me so i stopped caring about him and tbh i wish he'd just left because the next few years were hard after that betrayal.
we're friends now because i get why he did what he did and i'm not perfect either and he is a decent friend, just not a decent partner but neither was i to him. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Don't see how cheating can be good for whoever is getting cheated on. Maybe if more folk spent a bit of time trying to put things right in their relationships than on here looking for a bit of strange they wouldn't be in a sexless relationship
I can only speak for my own position. After trying everything reasonably possible over a period of almost 5 years, I'm still in a sexless marriage and have been on Fab for the past year.
I would not judge your reasons for "looking for a bit of strange" as I'd like to hope that you wouldn't judge others.
looking at your earlier post though you have tried to sort out the lack of sex on your relationship and come up with something that works for you and your partner.
i think that post more means people who refuse to sort anything out and instead think it's ok to go do what they want without their partners consideration. like my ex did.
Sometimes it can't be talked though or come together with an agreement between a husband and wife, thrust me I have tried some many time to talk about it but what do you do when she just doesn't want.
Find out the underlying reason.
Is she stressed, tired, taking any medication that can reduce sex drive. Does she have any worries eating away at her that she doesn't talk about, like finances, kids, the future of your relationship.
None of the above, she disabled, sex was great before but now she will not talk about it, just chances the subject or start to get angry so now we just leave it. I have a few times tried to bring it back up but as soon as I start I can see where it's going so back off."
Yeah it's a fucker, soon you'll get to the point where you won't even wanna bring it up incase it makes you sound like a sex pest.
Maybe things have got stale, like, to routine. Same shit day in day out. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I don't think that cheating helps anyone, it puts guilt and self loathing in place of resentment which over time builds resentment again.
However, having consensual extra marital sex I obviously have no problem with, if everyone involved is happy then that eliminates the guilt. It stops the fear of the other party finding out, it stops the pain if they do hear from someone else etc etc.
Sex outside of the marriage in any form, *can* be healthy but to be healthy it involves communicating with your wife/husband, setting your own boundaries together and working through the little niggles and smoothing bumps out as they occur. Otherwise it is just indulging in selfish behaviour which isn't good for the relationship or for your own feeling of self worth etc. If you are worried your partner might find out then it probably isn't good to be doing it.
But each to their own, if people wanna cheat they will, nothing anyone else says will stop them and it doesn't matter if it is websites like fab or Ashley madddison or websites like adult friend finder or plenty of fish... or even shock horror, meeting people in real life in bars etc! people will find a way to do it.
Px |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Being single can be wonderful,at least I don't have the heartache of someone cheating on me at the moment. Thing's come out at the end of the day and the devastation is immense. I find it very hard to take when someone says they love their partner,but yes I'm still going to shag around,is that love or just lack of respect for their partner who they proclaim to love. Would their partner feel their loved?
I see some married people with meet after meet after meet and all I can think about is their oblivious spouse and children at home and my heart goes out to them.
And what about the spouse who denies sex to their partner?They can't love them if they won't make love to them. If cheating is such a massive thing in a relationship, then surely denying sex is also a massive thing too?"
i agree with this. I meet a man who hasnt had sex with he`s partner for 15 years. I give him what he wants but doesnt get at home. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Being single can be wonderful,at least I don't have the heartache of someone cheating on me at the moment. Thing's come out at the end of the day and the devastation is immense. I find it very hard to take when someone says they love their partner,but yes I'm still going to shag around,is that love or just lack of respect for their partner who they proclaim to love. Would their partner feel their loved?
I see some married people with meet after meet after meet and all I can think about is their oblivious spouse and children at home and my heart goes out to them.
And what about the spouse who denies sex to their partner?They can't love them if they won't make love to them. If cheating is such a massive thing in a relationship, then surely denying sex is also a massive thing too?i agree with this. I meet a man who hasnt had sex with he`s partner for 15 years. I give him what he wants but doesnt get at home."
Denise this is exactly what I'm striving for. To meet a woman who is in the same boat as me. I've not had penetrative sex in 2 years. X |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Don't see how cheating can be good for whoever is getting cheated on. Maybe if more folk spent a bit of time trying to put things right in their relationships than on here looking for a bit of strange they wouldn't be in a sexless relationship
I can only speak for my own position. After trying everything reasonably possible over a period of almost 5 years, I'm still in a sexless marriage and have been on Fab for the past year.
I would not judge your reasons for "looking for a bit of strange" as I'd like to hope that you wouldn't judge others.
looking at your earlier post though you have tried to sort out the lack of sex on your relationship and come up with something that works for you and your partner.
i think that post more means people who refuse to sort anything out and instead think it's ok to go do what they want without their partners consideration. like my ex did.
Sometimes it can't be talked though or come together with an agreement between a husband and wife, thrust me I have tried some many time to talk about it but what do you do when she just doesn't want.
Find out the underlying reason.
Is she stressed, tired, taking any medication that can reduce sex drive. Does she have any worries eating away at her that she doesn't talk about, like finances, kids, the future of your relationship.
None of the above, she disabled, sex was great before but now she will not talk about it, just chances the subject or start to get angry so now we just leave it. I have a few times tried to bring it back up but as soon as I start I can see where it's going so back off."
I can guarantee she feels as distant physically from you as you do from her.
When she feels distant from you, the absolute LAST thing she wants from you is sex.
Work on developing a relationship with her again. Have fun together. Be closer. Work on that and don't, DON'T mention sex. It may even take months. But I would bet that's what needs fixing. Find a fun hobby or activity you can both enjoy. Make her feel pampered and beautiful.
My husband worked on this and it was great. I started to relax. And then suddenly he'd bring up sex again and get annoyed when he didn't get any and stop "making an effort". And I'd realise he didn't mean the stuff he'd been doing for me, it was just another way to try and get sex. And that made me feel like shit again.
I can guarantee every time you ask for sex or discuss it, you are making her feel like there's something wrong with her. There's nothing less sexy than being told there's something wrong with you (and she'll take it that way even if you don't say those words out loud).
Just work on being closer to her.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Been married 15 years. Been single for a year or so. In my case sex was good. Until we had a baby. About 9 years in. I couldn't cheat . She was my best mate. And still is. But going through life with no sex. Ended up making its own set of problems. I ended up looseing work and frenids. And Uesd to drink at night even in the week. Before I didn't drink at all. "
Wow - feel for you |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
» Add a new message to this topic
