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I know what's wrong with me
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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After much soul searching, I think I've finally identified why relationships keep failing, and more to the point why I keep getting screwed over.
I'm a rescuer, I keep trying to save people who are damaged and broken, and on a path of self destruction, and if I continue on this path of toxic relationships, I'm going to end up damaged too, and we wouldn't want that would we |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"After much soul searching, I think I've finally identified why relationships keep failing, and more to the point why I keep getting screwed over.
I'm a rescuer, I keep trying to save people who are damaged and broken, and on a path of self destruction, and if I continue on this path of toxic relationships, I'm going to end up damaged too, and we wouldn't want that would we"
I feel where you're coming from Kinky!! I too seem to be on the same path as you. So, I've decided to stay single. That way I won't end up hurt!! Stay strong hun.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"After much soul searching, I think I've finally identified why relationships keep failing, and more to the point why I keep getting screwed over.
I'm a rescuer, I keep trying to save people who are damaged and broken, and on a path of self destruction, and if I continue on this path of toxic relationships, I'm going to end up damaged too, and we wouldn't want that would we"
First, no we wouldn't want that.
Second,I know where you're coming from, it's even a joke amongst my friends that I only go for damaged girls. I don't know why I do it. The last time very nearly broke me.
Now I just want a cat. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"After much soul searching, I think I've finally identified why relationships keep failing, and more to the point why I keep getting screwed over.
I'm a rescuer, I keep trying to save people who are damaged and broken, and on a path of self destruction, and if I continue on this path of toxic relationships, I'm going to end up damaged too, and we wouldn't want that would we
First, no we wouldn't want that.
Second,I know where you're coming from, it's even a joke amongst my friends that I only go for damaged girls. I don't know why I do it. The last time very nearly broke me.
Now I just want a cat."
We all want some pussy
Maybe it's the feeling that all I can offer is help with their problems, maybe it's a way of not dealing with my own problems, maybe I'll get the answer to why I act this way in another epiphany, who knows |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"That's because you have a good kind heart Mr B, which is a wonderful quality to have  "
This 
Stop looking for someone who needs to be saved, look for someone who adds to and enriches your life. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"After much soul searching, I think I've finally identified why relationships keep failing, and more to the point why I keep getting screwed over.
I'm a rescuer, I keep trying to save people who are damaged and broken, and on a path of self destruction, and if I continue on this path of toxic relationships, I'm going to end up damaged too, and we wouldn't want that would we"
Maybe you are the damaged one ?
Maybe that's why you seek out the vulnerable and broken as you put it? As you think they will be easier for you to manipulate and control?
And maybe you are not the saviour you perceive yourself to be ?
Just a thought OP. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
Maybe you are the damaged one ?
Maybe that's why you seek out the vulnerable and broken as you put it? As you think they will be easier for you to manipulate and control?
."
And what makes you think I want to manipulate and control? It wouldn't be a problem if I was a control freak, or manipulative, in fact damaged women would be ideal,l.
I know me, you don't, so guess again
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
I know me, you don't, so guess again
"
Yeah,,,,I bet you used too rip the head off your teddy bear then bandage him up and tell him not to be so clumsy.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"After much soul searching, I think I've finally identified why relationships keep failing, and more to the point why I keep getting screwed over.
I'm a rescuer, I keep trying to save people who are damaged and broken, and on a path of self destruction, and if I continue on this path of toxic relationships, I'm going to end up damaged too, and we wouldn't want that would we
First, no we wouldn't want that.
Second,I know where you're coming from, it's even a joke amongst my friends that I only go for damaged girls. I don't know why I do it. The last time very nearly broke me.
Now I just want a cat.
We all want some pussy
Maybe it's the feeling that all I can offer is help with their problems, maybe it's a way of not dealing with my own problems, maybe I'll get the answer to why I act this way in another epiphany, who knows"
I felt for along time that all I could offer was help. My perspective shifted when I actually started to give a damn about myself. I've only ever had one sided relationships, I thought that if I could help them or save them then that would validate me, that I had done something useful. It's unhealthy. Now I try to focus on being a good person for me not, for any one else. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"After much soul searching, I think I've finally identified why relationships keep failing, and more to the point why I keep getting screwed over.
I'm a rescuer, I keep trying to save people who are damaged and broken, and on a path of self destruction, and if I continue on this path of toxic relationships, I'm going to end up damaged too, and we wouldn't want that would we
First, no we wouldn't want that.
Second,I know where you're coming from, it's even a joke amongst my friends that I only go for damaged girls. I don't know why I do it. The last time very nearly broke me.
Now I just want a cat.
We all want some pussy
Maybe it's the feeling that all I can offer is help with their problems, maybe it's a way of not dealing with my own problems, maybe I'll get the answer to why I act this way in another epiphany, who knows"
Aaah!!! I did this recently and well he was very damaged but he treated me like crap and I let him cos of his issues. I managed to help him somewhat though which was good I guess and well when it all fucked up I got really upset. Soon realised I was only there cos I wanted to genuinely help him and maybe that's why it would never have worked.
i don't think I will be doing that again though |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm damaged goods, nobody tries to rescue me though, i end up being the rescuer as well.
Richard Grannon has some good videos on youtube that might help? I've learned a lot from him anyway.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=almFdSVI2XY
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The title of this thread still bothers me Mr Butler. There's nothing wrong with you.
There's nothing wrong with being compassionate and caring and sharing your strength of character with others.
Those that have been attracted to you in the "real" world have obviously seen all the qualities you have. You aren't to blame for any weaknesses they may already have. Sometimes though, ones strengths are ones weaknesses. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I feel that we all want to save people, one way or another - in relationships and friendships.
Who wouldn't want to be the one to heal a broken heart?
Unfortunately those who are broken have sharp edges and you're more than likely to get cut. |
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"After much soul searching, I think I've finally identified why relationships keep failing, and more to the point why I keep getting screwed over.
I'm a rescuer, I keep trying to save people who are damaged and broken, and on a path of self destruction, and if I continue on this path of toxic relationships, I'm going to end up damaged too, and we wouldn't want that would we"
I can relate to that totally. I forget about myself trying to help the man in my life. I ended up in a mentally and verbally abusive relationship and it nearly dragged me down. Thankfully I got out and after a couple of missteps, I'm much stronger.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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That's a great insight Kinky. I also had tendencies to rescue and could find myself getting hooked by the vulnerability of others. The game ended with me feeling like the victim when the roles in the drama shifted and those I perceived as victims didn't want my help and shifted to the persecutor role.
I realised my patterns were laid down in childhood and my drive to please others and try harder when it didn't work were the things that kept the patterns in place. Accepting my own vulnerability. dealing with painful memories from my past and learning to recognise the hooks and patterns of my behaviour has helped me to reduce how often I get caught in the game.
The desire to help is a strength but when overdone it can become self sacrificing and distorted in other ways. Being aware of the pattern is the first step to preventing your unconscious drives controlling you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"After much soul searching, I think I've finally identified why relationships keep failing, and more to the point why I keep getting screwed over.
I'm a rescuer, I keep trying to save people who are damaged and broken, and on a path of self destruction, and if I continue on this path of toxic relationships, I'm going to end up damaged too, and we wouldn't want that would we"
That's very deep and meaningful, no piss take, and I wish I could give you a good and meaningful answer.
But I can't, thou if you know what the problem is aren't you the best person to take the steps needed to change, no one will ever know you better then yourself and I think it would have to come from inside you to change. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Im damaged, broken .. id love to be saved but ultimately its down to me to save myself. This is why i gave up with men.
Ive tried in the past to forget my issues and help others and it just doesnt work..
I know where you are coming from. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"After much soul searching, I think I've finally identified why relationships keep failing, and more to the point why I keep getting screwed over.
I'm a rescuer, I keep trying to save people who are damaged and broken, and on a path of self destruction, and if I continue on this path of toxic relationships, I'm going to end up damaged too, and we wouldn't want that would we
That's very deep and meaningful, no piss take, and I wish I could give you a good and meaningful answer.
But I can't, thou if you know what the problem is aren't you the best person to take the steps needed to change, no one will ever know you better then yourself and I think it would have to come from inside you to change."
Yes it is, I was just making a statement |
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