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Orgasm-interrupting spiders...
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Today's laugh, curtesy of yours truly...
I was having a little bit of "me time" earlier, getting quite close to the big moment, and I opened my eyes to see a middish sized house spider dangling on its web directly above my head, which absolutely threw me off my stroke as I'm a terrific wimp when it comes to spiders.
Cut to me stark bollock naked, spraying half a can of hair spray on the little perverted eight-legged peeping Tom, which suffocated it obviously, but by that time the mood was just gone.
I feel ZERO guilt for killing that wee bastard.  |
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"Today's laugh, curtesy of yours truly...
I was having a little bit of "me time" earlier, getting quite close to the big moment, and I opened my eyes to see a middish sized house spider dangling on its web directly above my head, which absolutely threw me off my stroke as I'm a terrific wimp when it comes to spiders.
Cut to me stark bollock naked, spraying half a can of hair spray on the little perverted eight-legged peeping Tom, which suffocated it obviously, but by that time the mood was just gone.
I feel ZERO guilt for killing that wee bastard. "
did you hear a tiny voice saying goodbye ruby Tuesday  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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i always splat spiders - ive had a tickle on my leg once in bed and it was one of those brown water types - squealing and moving faster than ive ever done was the result - and almost heart failure  i feel your pain/ terror/fear xxx have a hug |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Hey there mr spider, you just chilling in the corner yeah? Aww that's nice, you've spun a little web in my nice warm house.....bang! Slipper to the head!  |
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Open front door what walk in big spider leg it behind door got file handle push him out he went under front dr so I shut open make sure he edge back in push him again shut door watch make sure wasn't crawling back I hate them |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Poor little spider, just wanted to be nearer the action! lol
We had an infestation of False Widows in our bedroom two summers ago! Mrs Lust wouldn't even go upstairs until I had exterminated every last one of the little eight legged freaks!!
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Apparently the average person has eaten three in their lifetime as spiders have been known to call into your own mouth when your are asleep. "
That's an old wives tale  |
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"Poor little spider, just wanted to be nearer the action! lol
We had an infestation of False Widows in our bedroom two summers ago! Mrs Lust wouldn't even go upstairs until I had exterminated every last one of the little eight legged freaks!!
"
I,m pleased to say the false widows tend to stay in the home counties and tend not to travel further north they certainly look formidable looking spiders and could deliver a bite they would have to be on my hit list.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Poor little spider, just wanted to be nearer the action! lol
We had an infestation of False Widows in our bedroom two summers ago! Mrs Lust wouldn't even go upstairs until I had exterminated every last one of the little eight legged freaks!!
I,m pleased to say the false widows tend to stay in the home counties and tend not to travel further north they certainly look formidable looking spiders and could deliver a bite they would have to be on my hit list.."
Their not so bad if you leave them alone really. We had bought a new shed and it was lent against our wall under our bedroom window for a few nights before I put it up over the weekend. We suspect that's where they came from as we hadn't seen any during the year before that! Most of them were only small but the big ones were bloody huge!! We still see them about he house to this day! I should imagine this weathers going to bring them out again in force! Will see tonight when we go to bed!!  |
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"Poor little spider, just wanted to be nearer the action! lol
We had an infestation of False Widows in our bedroom two summers ago! Mrs Lust wouldn't even go upstairs until I had exterminated every last one of the little eight legged freaks!!
I,m pleased to say the false widows tend to stay in the home counties and tend not to travel further north they certainly look formidable looking spiders and could deliver a bite they would have to be on my hit list..
Their not so bad if you leave them alone really. We had bought a new shed and it was lent against our wall under our bedroom window for a few nights before I put it up over the weekend. We suspect that's where they came from as we hadn't seen any during the year before that! Most of them were only small but the big ones were bloody huge!! We still see them about he house to this day! I should imagine this weathers going to bring them out again in force! Will see tonight when we go to bed!! "
They are a newcomer here in the uk in recent times I saw one photographed in someones loft once and how it had made a cosy place for itself in some bricks I think the bigger ones can jump as this one was a big one I certainly would`nt fancy haveing him around for long probably got through the air bricks looked like a tarrantula haha but it was a false widow if you have a loft check it out for any but go prepared..like you say they are harmless but I,m sure many on here would go beserk.. Their food source must be like other spiders but at times perhaps bigger. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I like to live in harmony with mother nature n don't like to kill any beasties.....so I set the cat on the wee fuckers! 
Law of the jungle/living room/bedroom  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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And the irony of this, is after creating this threwad, I checked my Facebook and the first thing I see is my friend's new teeny tiny three week old tarantula... and my reaction was "awww what a tiny cute baby!"  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"And the irony of this, is after creating this threwad, I checked my Facebook and the first thing I see is my friend's new teeny tiny three week old tarantula... and my reaction was "awww what a tiny cute baby!"
You'd still give its hairs the tightest hold ever if it interrupted your orgasm though, wouldn't you? "
Oh I would... and I'd scream the house down and NOT in a good way |
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"My last Border Collie was called Spider
I know this from previous spider threads and, possibly, one dog thread.
Does that make him the second best known dog on here after Pooch then "
Absolutely! |
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"When I was in Belize many years ago a plate sized bastard landed on my head off a roof and ran down my body as I was sitting having a beer. I still shudder to think about it."
That must of been quite an experience even if a unwanted one, pleased you did,nt block his/her escape route thou I,m sure at the time everything happened so fast I,d celebrated that fact how lucky you were with another beer away from that roof..  |
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