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grief....
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"The suicide of my mum's best friend when I was 20 still effects me pretty badly even now. I went through more traumatic events around that age which I can open up about, but I barely talk about the suicide." thank you for sharing..suicide still seems taboo and the most difficult to talk about for people...for me it was the inference of timing..with him the last valentines..being the last lover he had i suppose...you dont haveto speak at all, but you must have been close to this lady or been involved in the aftermath of how others felt about her parting that way...maybe you saw her death, i dont know..can you use any of it a a motivator? did it change you...im not pushing for details im just interested ..if its too much i understand x | |||
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"The suicide of my mum's best friend when I was 20 still effects me pretty badly even now. I went through more traumatic events around that age which I can open up about, but I barely talk about the suicide.thank you for sharing..suicide still seems taboo and the most difficult to talk about for people...for me it was the inference of timing..with him the last valentines..being the last lover he had i suppose...you dont haveto speak at all, but you must have been close to this lady or been involved in the aftermath of how others felt about her parting that way...maybe you saw her death, i dont know..can you use any of it a a motivator? did it change you...im not pushing for details im just interested ..if its too much i understand x" It's hard to say, exactly... one thing that's always gotten to me is when I moved into her house for a while - she was like a second mum to me - after something really bad happened to me, and one of the things she said to me was "how couldn't you talk to anyone about it?" and when she died I kind of thought... well, why couldn't she talk to anyone else about it? I found out third hand through someone I worked with - my mum was on holiday and she didn't find out til she came home the next week - but that person who told me didn't realize who she was, but the friend's son worked with us at the time and I overheard a conversation about it. Added to that I couldn't bring myself to go to her funeral & I still feel guilty for it. I agree about it being the last taboo, but I think the suicide kind of inspired me to push on, and that it's a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I just hope she'd be proud of me x | |||
"I lost a very close friend suddenly just before Christmas. She was my age just 38 with a young son and the profound sadness I felt was overwhelming for a time. I'm a positive person by my nature, nobody is guaranteed tomorrow so treasure what you have today. Life fully, give generously and love passionately " thank you and i am sorry for your loss. this message it seems is the one for both of us..about living for now and living life to the full...hugs to you xx | |||
"I'm a positive person by my nature, nobody is guaranteed tomorrow so treasure what you have today. Life fully, give generously and love passionately " Strongly agree with this 
I don't hold grudges, or hate or stay mad at anyone for too long cos life's too short and anyone could drop dead tomorrow. | |||
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"The suicide of my mum's best friend when I was 20 still effects me pretty badly even now. I went through more traumatic events around that age which I can open up about, but I barely talk about the suicide.thank you for sharing..suicide still seems taboo and the most difficult to talk about for people...for me it was the inference of timing..with him the last valentines..being the last lover he had i suppose...you dont haveto speak at all, but you must have been close to this lady or been involved in the aftermath of how others felt about her parting that way...maybe you saw her death, i dont know..can you use any of it a a motivator? did it change you...im not pushing for details im just interested ..if its too much i understand x It's hard to say, exactly... one thing that's always gotten to me is when I moved into her house for a while - she was like a second mum to me - after something really bad happened to me, and one of the things she said to me was "how couldn't you talk to anyone about it?" and when she died I kind of thought... well, why couldn't she talk to anyone else about it? I found out third hand through someone I worked with - my mum was on holiday and she didn't find out til she came home the next week - but that person who told me didn't realize who she was, but the friend's son worked with us at the time and I overheard a conversation about it. Added to that I couldn't bring myself to go to her funeral & I still feel guilty for it. I agree about it being the last taboo, but I think the suicide kind of inspired me to push on, and that it's a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I just hope she'd be proud of me x" yes the giving of advice which they then dont act on themselves. my nan died when i was small, my parents didnt take me to the funeral and i always felt there wasnt closure so at 28, i went to her grave and sat there and just talked..it helped a lot..young people are deeper than what we assume was the lesson of that one for me and, dont think, that doing something now, that you feel you need to do wont help,even years on, cos it does xx | |||
"The suicide of my mum's best friend when I was 20 still effects me pretty badly even now. I went through more traumatic events around that age which I can open up about, but I barely talk about the suicide.thank you for sharing..suicide still seems taboo and the most difficult to talk about for people...for me it was the inference of timing..with him the last valentines..being the last lover he had i suppose...you dont haveto speak at all, but you must have been close to this lady or been involved in the aftermath of how others felt about her parting that way...maybe you saw her death, i dont know..can you use any of it a a motivator? did it change you...im not pushing for details im just interested ..if its too much i understand x It's hard to say, exactly... one thing that's always gotten to me is when I moved into her house for a while - she was like a second mum to me - after something really bad happened to me, and one of the things she said to me was "how couldn't you talk to anyone about it?" and when she died I kind of thought... well, why couldn't she talk to anyone else about it? I found out third hand through someone I worked with - my mum was on holiday and she didn't find out til she came home the next week - but that person who told me didn't realize who she was, but the friend's son worked with us at the time and I overheard a conversation about it. Added to that I couldn't bring myself to go to her funeral & I still feel guilty for it. I agree about it being the last taboo, but I think the suicide kind of inspired me to push on, and that it's a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I just hope she'd be proud of me xyes the giving of advice which they then dont act on themselves. my nan died when i was small, my parents didnt take me to the funeral and i always felt there wasnt closure so at 28, i went to her grave and sat there and just talked..it helped a lot..young people are deeper than what we assume was the lesson of that one for me and, dont think, that doing something now, that you feel you need to do wont help,even years on, cos it does xx" Exactly! I think I might try writing a long letter for her, that tends to help me x | |||
"thankyou...some noticed i was off of the site for some time, because a my last relationship, decided to top himself the day after valentines day this year, which made me introverted and also the timing was i felt directly connected to me. The death of my other close friend, wasnt surprising but still a shock, man in his 70's who drank a lot and talked of 'circling the drain'...he went out his own way, found outside on his ranch, where being honest he would have wanted to be 'leave me out for the crows and coyotes' he used to say...unfortunately for him they found him sunday morning..so i guess he wasnt out there very long... both of these people touched me in different ways, but the common denominator was that they kicked me up the ass to live, that life is too short and that they both went out 'their way'. it gets you to mulling over that you are doing right now, that is uniquely yours, what to change and how to move forward.. its my ex's fault i joined the scene last year after we split..so i have a lot to thank him for he gave me a legacy of what life is about for me im only sharing because i find death as a motivator, helps with my 'losing' someone..i like to think they changed my life in some way positively and a little bit of them lives on in what i choose to do with the time ive got left..not sure this is the normal perception, but i presume its healthy x" What is 'normal'.. If it works for you then it's good. I like what you're saying, it makes sense. Hugs from me too. xx | |||
"Hey Suzy keep your chin up. My old mum and dad passed away within a year of each other and i still miss them. I was only a few months old when they went to adopt me. I'm still so thankful. They gave me the best childhood imaginable. It gets easier as time passes. Just remember the you are grieving for a reason and that reason is love. You will smile again i promise." im ok and yes i got while i was shedding tears last night that maybe its the feeling of the love they had for you, being given back at their passing, is what we call grief..i dont know..just a thought... | |||
"The suicide of my mum's best friend when I was 20 still effects me pretty badly even now. I went through more traumatic events around that age which I can open up about, but I barely talk about the suicide.thank you for sharing..suicide still seems taboo and the most difficult to talk about for people...for me it was the inference of timing..with him the last valentines..being the last lover he had i suppose...you dont haveto speak at all, but you must have been close to this lady or been involved in the aftermath of how others felt about her parting that way...maybe you saw her death, i dont know..can you use any of it a a motivator? did it change you...im not pushing for details im just interested ..if its too much i understand x It's hard to say, exactly... one thing that's always gotten to me is when I moved into her house for a while - she was like a second mum to me - after something really bad happened to me, and one of the things she said to me was "how couldn't you talk to anyone about it?" and when she died I kind of thought... well, why couldn't she talk to anyone else about it? I found out third hand through someone I worked with - my mum was on holiday and she didn't find out til she came home the next week - but that person who told me didn't realize who she was, but the friend's son worked with us at the time and I overheard a conversation about it. Added to that I couldn't bring myself to go to her funeral & I still feel guilty for it. I agree about it being the last taboo, but I think the suicide kind of inspired me to push on, and that it's a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I just hope she'd be proud of me xyes the giving of advice which they then dont act on themselves. my nan died when i was small, my parents didnt take me to the funeral and i always felt there wasnt closure so at 28, i went to her grave and sat there and just talked..it helped a lot..young people are deeper than what we assume was the lesson of that one for me and, dont think, that doing something now, that you feel you need to do wont help,even years on, cos it does xx Exactly! I think I might try writing a long letter for her, that tends to help me x" yes ive done this before too | |||
"thankyou...some noticed i was off of the site for some time, because a my last relationship, decided to top himself the day after valentines day this year, which made me introverted and also the timing was i felt directly connected to me. The death of my other close friend, wasnt surprising but still a shock, man in his 70's who drank a lot and talked of 'circling the drain'...he went out his own way, found outside on his ranch, where being honest he would have wanted to be 'leave me out for the crows and coyotes' he used to say...unfortunately for him they found him sunday morning..so i guess he wasnt out there very long... both of these people touched me in different ways, but the common denominator was that they kicked me up the ass to live, that life is too short and that they both went out 'their way'. it gets you to mulling over that you are doing right now, that is uniquely yours, what to change and how to move forward.. its my ex's fault i joined the scene last year after we split..so i have a lot to thank him for he gave me a legacy of what life is about for me im only sharing because i find death as a motivator, helps with my 'losing' someone..i like to think they changed my life in some way positively and a little bit of them lives on in what i choose to do with the time ive got left..not sure this is the normal perception, but i presume its healthy x What is 'normal'.. If it works for you then it's good. I like what you're saying, it makes sense. Hugs from me too. xx" thank you its appreciated xx | |||
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"Many of my friends have or have had mental health problems. We all look out for each other but some have sadly left us. I believe that life is a circle, Unfortunately some of us choose a shorter path or have had it chosen for us. I became a spiritual person and that helps me to cope." xx yes ive had many people come in their dreams and tell me they were going over..but not these two..maybe they couldnt or didnt want to,,im sorry for your losses but glad you have a strong circle of friends to keep each other in times of need..thats awesome xx | |||
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"I watched my mum pass away 18 months ago & I still can't type that sentence without welling up. I don't know what the normal way is to deal with grief, I don't think there is one. I have good days entwined with days of deep sadness. What I did do way too early on was to try & 'fix' myself. I thought bereavement counselling would help me feel better but it didn't, it made me feel worse as I then felt guilty about trying to erase my pain, like I was trying to erase my mum. I'm a naturally an upbeat, level headed person & I fill my time with numerous distractions that help me & other people. Whilst time is a great healer there's no set time for that to happen in. x" hugs and thank you very much for sharing..i do tend to just go and help someone else rather than sit with what im feeling, but if it bubbles up, these days i allow it to flow..its bound to change sometime right? i havent had the loss of my parents yet, i have that experience to come, and yes it seems there is no set limit for these waves of emotion..i hope you have happy memories that are restorative for you too xx | |||
"Everyone handles grief in different ways. What's right for one person is not necessarily right for another - having survived the death of my husband from cancer 8 years ago, I've learned never to judge how others handle grief. Whilst appearing composed on the outside and people commenting, "how well I was coping". I was screaming and falling apart on the inside. All is not what it seems, some of us are better at hiding it and putting on a brave front so as not to upset others. Death is never easy to cope with, no matter how old the person is or the circumstances xxx" very well expressed tigger thankyou for sharing ..the death of a partner must be one of the greatest losses..hugs to you xx | |||
"Several important people in my life have died. The most significant ones are the only man I considered as a life partner, my dad, my best friend and my nan. Each has left their own footprint on my life and I am grateful for every day I did get to spend with them. Death ends a life it does not end the love. " very true and very inspiring..thankyou for your words xx | |||
"Several important people in my life have died. The most significant ones are the only man I considered as a life partner, my dad, my best friend and my nan. Each has left their own footprint on my life and I am grateful for every day I did get to spend with them. Death ends a life it does not end the love. very true and very inspiring..thankyou for your words xx" You are more than welcome. When I'm feeling a bit low about the loss of anyone of them I play Kirsty McColls version of Days. | |||
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"Several important people in my life have died. The most significant ones are the only man I considered as a life partner, my dad, my best friend and my nan. Each has left their own footprint on my life and I am grateful for every day I did get to spend with them. Death ends a life it does not end the love. very true and very inspiring..thankyou for your words xx You are more than welcome. When I'm feeling a bit low about the loss of anyone of them I play Kirsty McColls version of Days." ido various things, but most of all i remind myself i dont have to stop loving them x | |||
"Grief, especially through bereavement is an absolute killer. May take you many years to get through . You may not get over it. Personally my life blighted through the loss of my parents. I would not wish my bad times on anyone. Plus side is I am more open and can talk and listen about anything and hope I can help people xxxxxx" thankyou for sharing chilledbloke i appreciate your honesty, i thnk all our experiences in life impact us and parents and partners would be the ultimate in shaking up our sense of security and love in the world. i am glad you can see plus side..i oftne think of the times that ive shared personal experience and it has made someone elses life a tiny bit easier, and i note that it might have made my experiences a bit more worthwhile xx hugs to you my lovely..i certainly hope life is something beautiful as well as painful for you these days xx | |||
"Great site that we can be grown up, share and care love you xx" much love and hugs to you too xx | |||
"Huge massive hugs to you all. A subject very close to my heart at the moment. Lots of love x" thank you. warmest of thoughts to you too xx | |||
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"probably not an easy topic to talk about, however with the outpouring of emotions for childhood heroes who are passing on and ive just lost 2 people in my inner circle in the last 3 months.one i heard about last night, i wanted to just have a thread on this personal topic..of how it affects people...better out than in and all that x share if you feel like sharing x" Always up for a chat . Sometimes it's easier to open up to a stranger . Lost a few family members and close friends in the last few years. I was lucky to have nice people on here to listen. It may be a sex site but there are some lovely people on here who actually care too . Neil xx | |||
"probably not an easy topic to talk about, however with the outpouring of emotions for childhood heroes who are passing on and ive just lost 2 people in my inner circle in the last 3 months.one i heard about last night, i wanted to just have a thread on this personal topic..of how it affects people...better out than in and all that x share if you feel like sharing x" I was going to PM you OP but I might as well just say it in here, I lost my grandmother last year near Christmas time and what I can say is that it never gets easy to deal with the grief or feeling off loss. As time goes by the wounds start to heal but never truly go away so the best thing you can do is speak and converse with say family or close friends about stuff like this you know who would understand it better as they know you better and how much those people meant to you. I wish you luck and also despite the loss the people who are gone would want you to carry on/move on sure you will grieve and mourn for a time but you will eventually find a way to slowly live with it and the only person who knows how to do that is....you. | |||
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"I lost my only sister in Dec 14 to a heart attack she was 37 still seems like a dream love and miss her so much still have a cry now and again when I see or hear certain things that bring back memories "its still so new for you. im glad you have the ability to allow yourself to cry and feel. thankyou for sharing and i trust she will always love you too x | |||
"probably not an easy topic to talk about, however with the outpouring of emotions for childhood heroes who are passing on and ive just lost 2 people in my inner circle in the last 3 months.one i heard about last night, i wanted to just have a thread on this personal topic..of how it affects people...better out than in and all that x share if you feel like sharing x Always up for a chat . Sometimes it's easier to open up to a stranger . Lost a few family members and close friends in the last few years. I was lucky to have nice people on here to listen. It may be a sex site but there are some lovely people on here who actually care too . Neil xx" thank you Neil, i appreciate your offer..this is a challenge in itself for me just posting i am way out of my comfort zone talking about my private affairs and what emotions i am feeling i usually do my processing alone,and i am the strong one for other people. however i didnt baulk too hard at the urge to post because of the recent spate of celebrity deaths and anything that gets us in contact with our feelings and feeling safe enough to just express them, has got to be a good thing in my opinion. plus i had never explained my absence to people. it gave me the opportunity to do so x hugs to you and thank you again and yes people do care. i know i do x | |||
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"probably not an easy topic to talk about, however with the outpouring of emotions for childhood heroes who are passing on and ive just lost 2 people in my inner circle in the last 3 months.one i heard about last night, i wanted to just have a thread on this personal topic..of how it affects people...better out than in and all that x share if you feel like sharing x I was going to PM you OP but I might as well just say it in here, I lost my grandmother last year near Christmas time and what I can say is that it never gets easy to deal with the grief or feeling off loss. As time goes by the wounds start to heal but never truly go away so the best thing you can do is speak and converse with say family or close friends about stuff like this you know who would understand it better as they know you better and how much those people meant to you. I wish you luck and also despite the loss the people who are gone would want you to carry on/move on sure you will grieve and mourn for a time but you will eventually find a way to slowly live with it and the only person who knows how to do that is....you." thankyou asian guy i am sorry for your loss. i take on board your suggestions. i am a positive person who is relatively pragmatic, when the waves come i let them, but its at time like this that a hug would help pick me back up again. however im a stubborn woman and dont ask most of the time x | |||
"As some of you know I lost my sister some years ago in a car crash that should never of happened. In my mind it was nothing short of murder. To this day I have to stop myself thinking about the driver who killed her a man I know I'd gladly do time for a man my niece calls uncle for some bizarre reason. When somebody dies you love unconditionally in such a sudden way and so needlessly and horrifically. I don't believe you ever get over it at least I won't. The only thing I've managed to do is learn how to deal with my feelings how to control myself and also like many of you to learnt a lesson on how life can be over in a flash no matter who you are. Yet again the tears roll as they always have and always will. See you when I get there roz and thank you xxx" i feel you sweet.. thankyou for sharing and i know the tears falland the pain is still raw for you..but she loves you and you love her and that will never go away, its the one thing you can guarantee and i hope that brings you some peace and comfort xx hugs my friend..much love to you x | |||
"I'm a positive person by my nature, nobody is guaranteed tomorrow so treasure what you have today. Life fully, give generously and love passionately Strongly agree with this
I don't hold grudges, or hate or stay mad at anyone for too long cos life's too short and anyone could drop dead tomorrow."I couldn't agree more after suddenly loosing Dick's mum and my best mates mum then mine all within six months I'm only just a year on coming to terms with it. I made the mistake forgetting my need to grieve and put others needs first. This has affected my health but now I'm getting to grips with things. | |||
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"thankyou asian guy i am sorry for your loss. i take on board your suggestions. i am a positive person who is relatively pragmatic, when the waves come i let them, but its at time like this that a hug would help pick me back up again. however im a stubborn woman and dont ask most of the time x" no worries it's a part off life we live and exist then we cease to exist, like others in this thread have said sometimes it is easier to open up to strangers as you want to talk with someone else and off load. I think yes even the most positive or pragmatic off people can be heavily effected by loss it's a powerful emotion to deal with. Like I said also keeping close or communicating with family or close friends maybe a better option too as they know you on a personal level in real life and will figure out how to help , you know? | |||
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"probably not an easy topic to talk about, however with the outpouring of emotions for childhood heroes who are passing on and ive just lost 2 people in my inner circle in the last 3 months.one i heard about last night, i wanted to just have a thread on this personal topic..of how it affects people...better out than in and all that x share if you feel like sharing x Always up for a chat . Sometimes it's easier to open up to a stranger . Lost a few family members and close friends in the last few years. I was lucky to have nice people on here to listen. It may be a sex site but there are some lovely people on here who actually care too . Neil xx thank you Neil, i appreciate your offer..this is a challenge in itself for me just posting i am way out of my comfort zone talking about my private affairs and what emotions i am feeling i usually do my processing alone,and i am the strong one for other people. however i didnt baulk too hard at the urge to post because of the recent spate of celebrity deaths and anything that gets us in contact with our feelings and feeling safe enough to just express them, has got to be a good thing in my opinion. plus i had never explained my absence to people. it gave me the opportunity to do so x hugs to you and thank you again and yes people do care. i know i do x" You are never alone . Hugs and kisses. A tear shared xx | |||
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"On 30th March this year one of my cousins committed suicide. He was only 25! He had suffered with depression for a few years. It had just got too much for him! Now, as someone who also suffers and has even contemplated suicide myself at my lowest I could only feel a sense of relief for him. That he had finally found his peace. Yes, I'm grieving inside still. It breaks my heart that I couldn't help him. I had offered my support to him, but he was obviously not able to accept it. I have gone out and got myself a commemorative tattoo. It's for both me and him. Something I will always treasure. A green mental health awareness ribbon, with the mental health awareness semi colon. Along with green butterflies for both our journey's and some yellow ones for suicide Awareness. It really means so much to me! A permanent reminder of a long journey I've come on and a final journey of no more troubles for my cuz. Sorry to go on, but I really wanted to share. Xx" curvy girl..thankyou so much for sharing, you were not going on..as you can see plenty of others are experiencing grief and that was what this thread was about..im glad you found yourself expressing it and hugs and much love for doing that...glad you found that a tattoo helped and i hope you feel you can smile again when thinking of him and when you are making good life choices for you xx | |||
"I hope that all is well for you," thankyou tina xx just glad im not bottling up things and others have taken the opportunity to share x | |||
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"I'm a positive person by my nature, nobody is guaranteed tomorrow so treasure what you have today. Life fully, give generously and love passionately Strongly agree with this
I don't hold grudges, or hate or stay mad at anyone for too long cos life's too short and anyone could drop dead tomorrow.
I couldn't agree more after suddenly loosing Dick's mum and my best mates mum then mine all within six months I'm only just a year on coming to terms with it. I made the mistake forgetting my need to grieve and put others needs first. This has affected my health but now I'm getting to grips with things.
"wow shock after shock..be gentle with you, we often dont let ourselves feel, being there for others and their paon..so glad you can have some time for yourself now and i hope smile at memories as well as feel deeply over their passing x | |||
"time really is a great healer when you first lose someone close to you its just grief and sadness you feel when thinking of them but later on you find yourself smiling and remembering the happier times you shared when they were around " its true it changes and life brings us new beginnings, they dont go we just experience things in a new way, which is difficult to adjust too x thankyou for your words and sharing xx | |||
"thankyou asian guy i am sorry for your loss. i take on board your suggestions. i am a positive person who is relatively pragmatic, when the waves come i let them, but its at time like this that a hug would help pick me back up again. however im a stubborn woman and dont ask most of the time x no worries it's a part off life we live and exist then we cease to exist, like others in this thread have said sometimes it is easier to open up to strangers as you want to talk with someone else and off load. I think yes even the most positive or pragmatic off people can be heavily effected by loss it's a powerful emotion to deal with. Like I said also keeping close or communicating with family or close friends maybe a better option too as they know you on a personal level in real life and will figure out how to help , you know?" thank you ill try x | |||
"My condolences on your loss Suzy. As for grief I am yet to lose any really close family, the closest would have been my Grandparents. I felt sad at the news, shed a tear at the funeral and moved on. I tend to let things go quickly which I assume is healthy too. Those who have died that were relatively close to me I remember with love and happiness for the precious moments we spent together. My life is richer for them being part of it "yes i think that is also a healthy approach, i am normally like that, sometimes though like this a different reaction happens, totally unexplained and to your own system 'shocking' as strategies you've used before dont work...i dont feel there is one way, i feel like everything else that there is 'your own' way and, this is perfectly ok even if different to everyone elses. Self acceptance is a big thing..they dont teach you that at school xx | |||
"Yeah you mentioned losing someone Suzy when we chatted. So sorry darling. I lost my dad in Feb, mines very recent too. I still don't feel like he's passed. Sometimes I think I'll get a text from him about some astronomy programme being on (we shared a common interest in space). Mum and me still clearing and sorting his stuff out, and it's hard to be upbeat when I come across childhood memories. Stay strong honey. Xx" and you my lovely, sorry for your loss too, although i havent had the experience of handling an estate or having to sort out other peoples things, im sure in some ways it helps come to terms with them going, although it may not feel like it at the time...sure you will be glad you were a part of that process when you look back at it later on, down the road xx | |||
"probably not an easy topic to talk about, however with the outpouring of emotions for childhood heroes who are passing on and ive just lost 2 people in my inner circle in the last 3 months.one i heard about last night, i wanted to just have a thread on this personal topic..of how it affects people...better out than in and all that x share if you feel like sharing x Always up for a chat . Sometimes it's easier to open up to a stranger . Lost a few family members and close friends in the last few years. I was lucky to have nice people on here to listen. It may be a sex site but there are some lovely people on here who actually care too . Neil xx thank you Neil, i appreciate your offer..this is a challenge in itself for me just posting i am way out of my comfort zone talking about my private affairs and what emotions i am feeling i usually do my processing alone,and i am the strong one for other people. however i didnt baulk too hard at the urge to post because of the recent spate of celebrity deaths and anything that gets us in contact with our feelings and feeling safe enough to just express them, has got to be a good thing in my opinion. plus i had never explained my absence to people. it gave me the opportunity to do so x hugs to you and thank you again and yes people do care. i know i do x You are never alone . Hugs and kisses. A tear shared xx" aww bless thank you ...i am touched..much love to you. Big hugs xx | |||
"Yes have had loss and going through cancer with my dad not good but I do believe in angels and white feathers and I do believe that the people that we love never really leave us and to celebrate their lives rather than more than death. So many unexplained things have happened its hard to explain x" right i have those experiences too, weird ones that make me laugh or cry or snigger because of some 'in' joke...i like to feel that we are all energy just transitioning from one state to another..if i am wrong im not doing anyone any harm in feeling that way. thankyou for sharing..hugs to you xx | |||
"My condolences on your loss Suzy. As for grief I am yet to lose any really close family, the closest would have been my Grandparents. I felt sad at the news, shed a tear at the funeral and moved on. I tend to let things go quickly which I assume is healthy too. Those who have died that were relatively close to me I remember with love and happiness for the precious moments we spent together. My life is richer for them being part of it yes i think that is also a healthy approach, i am normally like that, sometimes though like this a different reaction happens, totally unexplained and to your own system 'shocking' as strategies you've used before dont work...i dont feel there is one way, i feel like everything else that there is 'your own' way and, this is perfectly ok even if different to everyone elses. Self acceptance is a big thing..they dont teach you that at school xx"Very true xx | |||
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"Who ever it was come up with the saying "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" was full of shit "love and big hugs lovely....stronger than what? is all i haveto say..who was measuring you in the first place, didnt realize it was a competition..i dont believe it is, i am glad though you know what love is..i feel its what anyone thats passed on ultimately teaches us. if that love is strength..thats cool..of that love shows us our vulnerability then that is awesome too xx | |||
"Loss is an irrefutable part of life, I'm afraid " it is,indeed but its the one thing people dont talk much about, or teach us to handle, or even feel should be talked about with other people..its just a taboo subject, cos people dont know what to say for fear of being wrong or offending someone for their reactions..i just hope that even small conversations like this one, help people feel its ok to at least express themselves on a topic with undoubtedly at some point will affect them..even if its not in the same way as anyone else xx | |||
"I watched my mum pass away 18 months ago & I still can't type that sentence without welling up. I don't know what the normal way is to deal with grief, I don't think there is one. I have good days entwined with days of deep sadness. What I did do way too early on was to try & 'fix' myself. I thought bereavement counselling would help me feel better but it didn't, it made me feel worse as I then felt guilty about trying to erase my pain, like I was trying to erase my mum. I'm a naturally an upbeat, level headed person & I fill my time with numerous distractions that help me & other people. Whilst time is a great healer there's no set time for that to happen in. xhugs and thank you very much for sharing..i do tend to just go and help someone else rather than sit with what im feeling, but if it bubbles up, these days i allow it to flow..its bound to change sometime right? i havent had the loss of my parents yet, i have that experience to come, and yes it seems there is no set limit for these waves of emotion..i hope you have happy memories that are restorative for you too xx" I do find now (& it's my perception not what others have said to me) that I have to almost allow myself the time to have a good cry. I'm so used to being this strong matriarchal woman that I'm denying an essential need. So I go & visit my mums grave & bawl my eyes out, it's therapeutic & I feel so much better for doing it. I do have a lots of happy memories but some have to stay buried for the time being as it become all too much to bear xx | |||
"On 30th March this year one of my cousins committed suicide. He was only 25! He had suffered with depression for a few years. It had just got too much for him! Now, as someone who also suffers and has even contemplated suicide myself at my lowest I could only feel a sense of relief for him. That he had finally found his peace. Yes, I'm grieving inside still. It breaks my heart that I couldn't help him. I had offered my support to him, but he was obviously not able to accept it. I have gone out and got myself a commemorative tattoo. It's for both me and him. Something I will always treasure. A green mental health awareness ribbon, with the mental health awareness semi colon. Along with green butterflies for both our journey's and some yellow ones for suicide Awareness. It really means so much to me! A permanent reminder of a long journey I've come on and a final journey of no more troubles for my cuz. Sorry to go on, but I really wanted to share. Xx curvy girl..thankyou so much for sharing, you were not going on..as you can see plenty of others are experiencing grief and that was what this thread was about..im glad you found yourself expressing it and hugs and much love for doing that...glad you found that a tattoo helped and i hope you feel you can smile again when thinking of him and when you are making good life choices for you xx" I've been reading this thread with great interest. I've really loved your replies to each and every person. I thank you so much for my reply. It means alot. I truly hope that this thread has also helped you somehow Suzy. To know that although we may not know each other, we are all here for each other. To offer virtual hugs, shoulders to cry on. Oh, and.of course the obligatory alcoholic beverage and cake if it's needed. I've loved this thread. Thank you hun. Xxx | |||
"After reading this thread it brought back the loss of my wife on the 29 feb 2012 from secondry breast cancer. Even though we had lived with it for 5yrs it was still hard to except that she had gone from our lives. i had to go home from the hospital & tell our 10yr old son that mommy wasnt coming home again. The grief finally hit me 9 months later. Yes i got the comments "he's doing well" inside i was a wreck but had to stay strong for our boy. i ended up on anyi-depressants & both us of had to have a course of councilling. i do believe though that all these people we are close to who unfortunatly pass, go to the next stage of life. Somewhere where there is no pain. whoever they are they are never forgotten as they will always be in our hearts & thoughts " im hoping the reliving of things will not have made things harder for you xx yes i believe they still add to our lives by the experiences we shared..much love and hugs to you x | |||
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"I watched my mum pass away 18 months ago & I still can't type that sentence without welling up. I don't know what the normal way is to deal with grief, I don't think there is one. I have good days entwined with days of deep sadness. What I did do way too early on was to try & 'fix' myself. I thought bereavement counselling would help me feel better but it didn't, it made me feel worse as I then felt guilty about trying to erase my pain, like I was trying to erase my mum. I'm a naturally an upbeat, level headed person & I fill my time with numerous distractions that help me & other people. Whilst time is a great healer there's no set time for that to happen in. xhugs and thank you very much for sharing..i do tend to just go and help someone else rather than sit with what im feeling, but if it bubbles up, these days i allow it to flow..its bound to change sometime right? i havent had the loss of my parents yet, i have that experience to come, and yes it seems there is no set limit for these waves of emotion..i hope you have happy memories that are restorative for you too xx I do find now (& it's my perception not what others have said to me) that I have to almost allow myself the time to have a good cry. I'm so used to being this strong matriarchal woman that I'm denying an essential need. So I go & visit my mums grave & bawl my eyes out, it's therapeutic & I feel so much better for doing it. I do have a lots of happy memories but some have to stay buried for the time being as it become all too much to bear xx " so glad you have a physical outlet. its one of my wishes that no matter what happens there is some physical space to be visited..ive always thought that was a good idea. be gentle seems like me you are a rock for other people. ive had to learn over last few years that no man or woman is an island x | |||
"On 30th March this year one of my cousins committed suicide. He was only 25! He had suffered with depression for a few years. It had just got too much for him! Now, as someone who also suffers and has even contemplated suicide myself at my lowest I could only feel a sense of relief for him. That he had finally found his peace. Yes, I'm grieving inside still. It breaks my heart that I couldn't help him. I had offered my support to him, but he was obviously not able to accept it. I have gone out and got myself a commemorative tattoo. It's for both me and him. Something I will always treasure. A green mental health awareness ribbon, with the mental health awareness semi colon. Along with green butterflies for both our journey's and some yellow ones for suicide Awareness. It really means so much to me! A permanent reminder of a long journey I've come on and a final journey of no more troubles for my cuz. Sorry to go on, but I really wanted to share. Xx curvy girl..thankyou so much for sharing, you were not going on..as you can see plenty of others are experiencing grief and that was what this thread was about..im glad you found yourself expressing it and hugs and much love for doing that...glad you found that a tattoo helped and i hope you feel you can smile again when thinking of him and when you are making good life choices for you xx I've been reading this thread with great interest. I've really loved your replies to each and every person. I thank you so much for my reply. It means alot. I truly hope that this thread has also helped you somehow Suzy. To know that although we may not know each other, we are all here for each other. To offer virtual hugs, shoulders to cry on. Oh, and.of course the obligatory alcoholic beverage and cake if it's needed. I've loved this thread. Thank you hun. Xxx" youre welcome..i couldnt do this before, when my ex died, but i am glad i can talk now..thankyou too i appreciate your time, hugs and theres always room for cake xx | |||
"I lost my mum just over 2 years ago and I miss her every day... I also found out just after Christmas that the brother of someone I used to work with had lost his battle with Leukemia which was a bit of a shock as he was the same age as me.." young death especially our peer group is always shocking i find, same as with children x i am sorry for the loss of your mother.. i am glad in a way you had such a relationship that you do miss her..so many dont have close family ties..much love and hugs to you...im sure you were an awesome daughter to have x | |||
"Not at all Suzy. It does help talking about our grief every now & then & because of you thats what we are all doing with this thread. We may not have met not may never but everyone is thinking of each at the moment. Love & hugs to you to Suzy xx" for me thats what its all about i didnt want to waste the opportunity of my own losses to include recognition of other peoples. i am truly touched by the postings and hope just a platform of expression and sharing has made people feel they are beautifully connected even when others have left x | |||
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"Who ever it was come up with the saying "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" was full of shit love and big hugs lovely....stronger than what? is all i haveto say..who was measuring you in the first place, didnt realize it was a competition..i dont believe it is, i am glad though you know what love is..i feel its what anyone thats passed on ultimately teaches us. if that love is strength..thats cool..of that love shows us our vulnerability then that is awesome too xx"It's a saying suzy. Nobody can or has any right to to measure anybody and love or feelings isn't something most people need to learn. it's somthing that just is. | |||
"It's the guilt , after 20 odd years, moved away for a new job left old friends behind and hear that one of my friends o.d.ed . If i'd stayed in touch or something ." i had this in feb..what if, however i try to remember that, that person, was entirely capable of reaching out to me too. that i was there they they did know they were loved by me, i never had shut the door on them. i do believe poeple have their own journies to live and die..when they go isnt upto you..and neither is the method of going..for example would you feel so bad if hed got hit by a bus instead..its associative feelings that give us guilt. the facts are usually alot more simple..so when im in doubt i go back to the facts of what i did do or give them, not what i didnt do..i hope this helps somewhat bill..love and hugs to you my friend..we all do our best in life and no one can ask any more of us than that xx | |||
"Who ever it was come up with the saying "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" was full of shit love and big hugs lovely....stronger than what? is all i haveto say..who was measuring you in the first place, didnt realize it was a competition..i dont believe it is, i am glad though you know what love is..i feel its what anyone thats passed on ultimately teaches us. if that love is strength..thats cool..of that love shows us our vulnerability then that is awesome too xx
It's a saying suzy. Nobody can or has any right to to measure anybody and love or feelings isn't something most people need to learn. it's somthing that just is."xx | |||
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"The suicide of my mum's best friend when I was 20 still effects me pretty badly even now. I went through more traumatic events around that age which I can open up about, but I barely talk about the suicide.thank you for sharing..suicide still seems taboo and the most difficult to talk about for people...for me it was the inference of timing..with him the last valentines..being the last lover he had i suppose...you dont haveto speak at all, but you must have been close to this lady or been involved in the aftermath of how others felt about her parting that way...maybe you saw her death, i dont know..can you use any of it a a motivator? did it change you...im not pushing for details im just interested ..if its too much i understand x It's hard to say, exactly... one thing that's always gotten to me is when I moved into her house for a while - she was like a second mum to me - after something really bad happened to me, and one of the things she said to me was "how couldn't you talk to anyone about it?" and when she died I kind of thought... well, why couldn't she talk to anyone else about it?" Some people are like that really good at giving advice and helping others but when it comes to themselves they feel they don't want to burden others with their problems. I am guilty of doing this but Ali is helping me to realise it's not a burden and if something is upsetting me I should talk about it. I'm sorry to hear about your (what I would call) aunt I wish someone could take the pain away for you but it's good to see you building up and learning to live life to the fullest. Don't feel guilt for something you didn't cause because guilt doesn't fix anything. -Ads | |||
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"i had a breakdown after my marriage - then i met a guy and found a love id never felt before (wasnt perfect looking back but at the time was more than id ever dreamt of) - 2 yrs down the line and he was diagnosed terminal and passed away 10 months later - i had a lot going on during that time - ill child - lost my job - held his and my family together but totally fell apart when he passed - would throw myself onto the bed and scream and sob for hours - im over that now and that may sound harsh but i am - i had a very crazy time when i first joined fab and a lot i cant remember but all part of my healing process and now im in a better place with people i care a lot about - good friends and a job i love - still skint though so could be better hahah " A friend sugested fab to me and like you it was the start of my healing progress i cried screamed sobbed constantly for the first three months hardly got out of bed i carnt even remember all what happened on the night that my man died | |||
"I lost my only sister in Dec 14 to a heart attack she was 37 still seems like a dream love and miss her so much still have a cry now and again when I see or hear certain things that bring back memories its still so new for you. im glad you have the ability to allow yourself to cry and feel. thankyou for sharing and i trust she will always love you too x"thank you | |||
"i had a breakdown after my marriage - then i met a guy and found a love id never felt before (wasnt perfect looking back but at the time was more than id ever dreamt of) - 2 yrs down the line and he was diagnosed terminal and passed away 10 months later - i had a lot going on during that time - ill child - lost my job - held his and my family together but totally fell apart when he passed - would throw myself onto the bed and scream and sob for hours - im over that now and that may sound harsh but i am - i had a very crazy time when i first joined fab and a lot i cant remember but all part of my healing process and now im in a better place with people i care a lot about - good friends and a job i love - still skint though so could be better hahah A friend sugested fab to me and like you it was the start of my healing progress i cried screamed sobbed constantly for the first three months hardly got out of bed i carnt even remember all what happened on the night that my man died " Thank god for fab and the friends I've made xx | |||
"probably not an easy topic to talk about, however with the outpouring of emotions for childhood heroes who are passing on and ive just lost 2 people in my inner circle in the last 3 months.one i heard about last night, i wanted to just have a thread on this personal topic..of how it affects people...better out than in and all that x share if you feel like sharing x" such a difficult thing to share or explain I lost my wife almost 3 years ago, she was only 42, she was my best friend, my soul mate, everything I could want and need, I still desperately need her today. I feel so, so angry at times, say things, do things that I do not mean to do or say but the anger of my loss flows out. Returning to work offshore was so difficult after, and when I return home I often visit her grave, just sit and as crazy as it seems, I chat away. I was never religious but I am starting to believe, and I do hope that we will meet again, that is why I will never get involved in another full time relationship as I still miss her and need her so much. I often feel ashamed, unfaithful for even being on here. I take much more chances / risks in my sports now sky-diving & bike racing, I will not put anyone else in danger but with regards to myself, the risk is not a concern So many songs I play that remember me of her like yesterday, our song was always Against The Wind - Bob Seger today I often listen to Jackson Browne - Here Come Those Tears Again Blondie - pretty baby Aerosmith: I dont want to miss a thing bon jovi: - bed of roses Peter Gabriel/Kate Bush - Don't Give Up And then the tears roll down my cheeks again, a grown man full of hurt & anger. I try to be good, try to be nice but it hurts so so much | |||
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"Sorry for your loss hugs i lost my Dad and partner within 6months of each other both suddenly Im still grieving tho i tend to hide my pain with humour there are days when i keep thinking please let this just be a nightmare and il wake up ive still got all of my partners clothes etc i carnt bare to part with them i talk to him and my Dad every day its hard to say the least" big hugs to you Feline Angel..having too losses so close to you in such short proximity, must really rock your foundations. i like to feel you can incorporate the people we had that loved us in our 'now' world, what they would have sair to us, what they would have done, like a silent personal council to see us through the rest of our lives that includes shared humour even about what theyd be doing now and how they would see us carrying on this side of life...thankyou so much for sharing and i hope just expressing a little of how you feel has helped you not feel so alone, with others feeling similar things..much love to you xx | |||
"The suicide of my mum's best friend when I was 20 still effects me pretty badly even now. I went through more traumatic events around that age which I can open up about, but I barely talk about the suicide.thank you for sharing..suicide still seems taboo and the most difficult to talk about for people...for me it was the inference of timing..with him the last valentines..being the last lover he had i suppose...you dont haveto speak at all, but you must have been close to this lady or been involved in the aftermath of how others felt about her parting that way...maybe you saw her death, i dont know..can you use any of it a a motivator? did it change you...im not pushing for details im just interested ..if its too much i understand x It's hard to say, exactly... one thing that's always gotten to me is when I moved into her house for a while - she was like a second mum to me - after something really bad happened to me, and one of the things she said to me was "how couldn't you talk to anyone about it?" and when she died I kind of thought... well, why couldn't she talk to anyone else about it? Some people are like that really good at giving advice and helping others but when it comes to themselves they feel they don't want to burden others with their problems. I am guilty of doing this but Ali is helping me to realise it's not a burden and if something is upsetting me I should talk about it. I'm sorry to hear about your (what I would call) aunt I wish someone could take the pain away for you but it's good to see you building up and learning to live life to the fullest. Don't feel guilt for something you didn't cause because guilt doesn't fix anything. -Ads" thankyou Ads what you say resonates for me..i wouldnt wish to be anyones burden, i look around and others have harder burdens to bear than me, or thats what i feel. i am so glad you have the support to be your whole self with someone who loves you very much.. you and ali are obviously both treasures and i wish you both every happiness xxx | |||
"i had a breakdown after my marriage - then i met a guy and found a love id never felt before (wasnt perfect looking back but at the time was more than id ever dreamt of) - 2 yrs down the line and he was diagnosed terminal and passed away 10 months later - i had a lot going on during that time - ill child - lost my job - held his and my family together but totally fell apart when he passed - would throw myself onto the bed and scream and sob for hours - im over that now and that may sound harsh but i am - i had a very crazy time when i first joined fab and a lot i cant remember but all part of my healing process and now im in a better place with people i care a lot about - good friends and a job i love - still skint though so could be better hahah " much much love to you honey, you are a wonderful warm and caring person and im glad you are on what i hope is the better side of a run of harsh experiences. somehow i think they open us up to being more than what we thought we could be before...if anyone deserves abundance its you xx | |||
"i had a breakdown after my marriage - then i met a guy and found a love id never felt before (wasnt perfect looking back but at the time was more than id ever dreamt of) - 2 yrs down the line and he was diagnosed terminal and passed away 10 months later - i had a lot going on during that time - ill child - lost my job - held his and my family together but totally fell apart when he passed - would throw myself onto the bed and scream and sob for hours - im over that now and that may sound harsh but i am - i had a very crazy time when i first joined fab and a lot i cant remember but all part of my healing process and now im in a better place with people i care a lot about - good friends and a job i love - still skint though so could be better hahah A friend sugested fab to me and like you it was the start of my healing progress i cried screamed sobbed constantly for the first three months hardly got out of bed i carnt even remember all what happened on the night that my man died " i have to say i was the same when my husband left..no explanation. just gone. it was like a death, it was so sudden and totally unexpected. no closure..thought i was going to lose my marbles what with me and the kids in so much trauma...the mind does funny things to protect you and maybe thats a blessing he also would have wanted for you..big hugs and may the healing for you and everyone here continue, at everyones own unique pace x | |||
"probably not an easy topic to talk about, however with the outpouring of emotions for childhood heroes who are passing on and ive just lost 2 people in my inner circle in the last 3 months.one i heard about last night, i wanted to just have a thread on this personal topic..of how it affects people...better out than in and all that x share if you feel like sharing x such a difficult thing to share or explain I lost my wife almost 3 years ago, she was only 42, she was my best friend, my soul mate, everything I could want and need, I still desperately need her today. I feel so, so angry at times, say things, do things that I do not mean to do or say but the anger of my loss flows out. Returning to work offshore was so difficult after, and when I return home I often visit her grave, just sit and as crazy as it seems, I chat away. I was never religious but I am starting to believe, and I do hope that we will meet again, that is why I will never get involved in another full time relationship as I still miss her and need her so much. I often feel ashamed, unfaithful for even being on here. I take much more chances / risks in my sports now sky-diving & bike racing, I will not put anyone else in danger but with regards to myself, the risk is not a concern So many songs I play that remember me of her like yesterday, our song was always Against The Wind - Bob Seger today I often listen to Jackson Browne - Here Come Those Tears Again Blondie - pretty baby Aerosmith: I dont want to miss a thing bon jovi: - bed of roses Peter Gabriel/Kate Bush - Don't Give Up And then the tears roll down my cheeks again, a grown man full of hurt & anger. I try to be good, try to be nice but it hurts so so much" thankyou for sharing your feelings. the love you had was remarkable i would like to think that she is now within you always and therefore living on is not unfaithful at all, she would want you to be happy and shine again, so she could feel that within you again if shes there she would again feel it through you experiencing it for the both of you. cry and rant if you need too..but you were much loved, you know what that feels like and that will never fade, maybe just maybe the world will give you another love, not the same, not better than just different so beauty again can be shared with another..maybe thats not going to happen, maybe it is..who knows...all i know is that you must be something special for you to attract a soul mate in the fist place..i hope you acknowledge that about yourself xx | |||
"One of the best quotes I have heard and that puts it simply Grief is the price we pay for love " yes thankyou i believe that to be true, i do however like to feel its the love that they feel for us still flooding our bodies, telling us we are ok and still loveable..maybe thats fanciful..but it helps x | |||
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"My mum passed a few months ago also my dad has passed. Grief is the worse emotion I have ever had to deal with. It takes time and you just have to go day by day. If you're having a good day enjoy it and don't feel guilty xx" very good advice..thank you for sharing and big hugs to you. i think its the most long lasting of conditions, or so it seems..i dont think my loved ones would want me to feel guilty, i think they d want me to be happy no matter what, so i try xx | |||
"My mum passed a few months ago also my dad has passed. Grief is the worse emotion I have ever had to deal with. It takes time and you just have to go day by day. If you're having a good day enjoy it and don't feel guilty xx very good advice..thank you for sharing and big hugs to you. i think its the most long lasting of conditions, or so it seems..i dont think my loved ones would want me to feel guilty, i think they d want me to be happy no matter what, so i try xx" Grief is a massive mix of emotions and guilt is one I often feel as I know there was things I should have done and maybe she wouldn't have died when she did but I'm dealing with it much better than when my dad passed and for that I'm grateful xx | |||
"Sorry for your loss hugs i lost my Dad and partner within 6months of each other both suddenly Im still grieving tho i tend to hide my pain with humour there are days when i keep thinking please let this just be a nightmare and il wake up ive still got all of my partners clothes etc i carnt bare to part with them i talk to him and my Dad every day its hard to say the least big hugs to you Feline Angel..having too losses so close to you in such short proximity, must really rock your foundations. i like to feel you can incorporate the people we had that loved us in our 'now' world, what they would have sair to us, what they would have done, like a silent personal council to see us through the rest of our lives that includes shared humour even about what theyd be doing now and how they would see us carrying on this side of life...thankyou so much for sharing and i hope just expressing a little of how you feel has helped you not feel so alone, with others feeling similar things..much love to you xx" thank you Suzi it has helped sharing at the time i wanted to join them both when you experience a loss you forget that your family are grieving to you think its only you in pain thinking about my Mam having been with Dad for almost 60years and how strong she was helped me it was a year on the eleventh of April for my partner that was a very emotional hard day for me x x | |||
"Loss is an irrefutable part of life, I'm afraid it is,indeed but its the one thing people dont talk much about, or teach us to handle, or even feel should be talked about with other people..its just a taboo subject, cos people dont know what to say for fear of being wrong or offending someone for their reactions..i just hope that even small conversations like this one, help people feel its ok to at least express themselves on a topic with undoubtedly at some point will affect them..even if its not in the same way as anyone else xx" You're completely right. In the west, we've kinda shorn death/loss of its communal aspects. Grief tends to be a personal thing and traditional avenues, like the church, tend to sanitise it. In a world where we live in the constant shadow of death, it seems that we sometimes fail to respond adequately to the cultural/spiritual/philosophical? lessons of death. "Time is the greatest healer" - the crassest of clichés. | |||
"Sorry for your loss hugs i lost my Dad and partner within 6months of each other both suddenly Im still grieving tho i tend to hide my pain with humour there are days when i keep thinking please let this just be a nightmare and il wake up ive still got all of my partners clothes etc i carnt bare to part with them i talk to him and my Dad every day its hard to say the least big hugs to you Feline Angel..having too losses so close to you in such short proximity, must really rock your foundations. i like to feel you can incorporate the people we had that loved us in our 'now' world, what they would have sair to us, what they would have done, like a silent personal council to see us through the rest of our lives that includes shared humour even about what theyd be doing now and how they would see us carrying on this side of life...thankyou so much for sharing and i hope just expressing a little of how you feel has helped you not feel so alone, with others feeling similar things..much love to you xx thank you Suzi it has helped sharing at the time i wanted to join them both when you experience a loss you forget that your family are grieving to you think its only you in pain thinking about my Mam having been with Dad for almost 60years and how strong she was helped me it was a year on the eleventh of April for my partner that was a very emotional hard day for me x x" yes i dont know how my parents will cope when the time comes for one to go first...that will be a very hard time for the one left behind..at least they would know they were loved this lifetime and each of us that has felt that in some ways is stronger in the knowing even if it was cut short. as love is a many faceted thing, i try and feel that it can shown to me in many different ways in the time ive got left, that the accumulation of ways is ok, its life experienced from different angles and although different are meaningful to me...my thoughts are with you for the anniversary..i guess now im going to feel like that every valentines...but maybe i can make something good of it, who knows xx | |||
"Loss is an irrefutable part of life, I'm afraid it is,indeed but its the one thing people dont talk much about, or teach us to handle, or even feel should be talked about with other people..its just a taboo subject, cos people dont know what to say for fear of being wrong or offending someone for their reactions..i just hope that even small conversations like this one, help people feel its ok to at least express themselves on a topic with undoubtedly at some point will affect them..even if its not in the same way as anyone else xx You're completely right. In the west, we've kinda shorn death/loss of its communal aspects. Grief tends to be a personal thing and traditional avenues, like the church, tend to sanitise it. In a world where we live in the constant shadow of death, it seems that we sometimes fail to respond adequately to the cultural/spiritual/philosophical? lessons of death. "Time is the greatest healer" - the crassest of clichés." yes the time thing is complete cover up for not knowing what else to say, a mask and almost a denial that the now is a gift to be unwrapped and experienced as with any moment, with honesty and feeling..thats life at its fullest. yes using death as an adviser helps me to live..as ive died, but came back ( jokes if you like about no rest for the wicked  ) i suppose it has meaning for me.
growing up you are told to think about growing up getting married and having kids, weddings, christenings and anniversaries..but you never hear anyone talking about death,funerals or kids acting them out as play themes..maybe if it was also seen as a pragmatic part of life itself, it wouldnt be as devastating. it is the only certainty of life after all. no one gets out of here alive xx | |||
"probably not an easy topic to talk about, however with the outpouring of emotions for childhood heroes who are passing on and ive just lost 2 people in my inner circle in the last 3 months.one i heard about last night, i wanted to just have a thread on this personal topic..of how it affects people...better out than in and all that x share if you feel like sharing x" Me again X People always seem to think it's birthdays and Christmas and special days that are the hardest to cope with. I seem to be able to cope with them now with happy memories. It's the times you hear a song that reminds you of them or you see something they would like that catch you off guard that are the hardest. It does soften with time... but the unexpected thought still brings a tear. Never be afraid to show your feelings for someone special or close while you still can. It's not soppy it's showing you care for someone who deserves it . Talking does help . Big hugs and kisses Neil xx | |||
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"Slight correction to a bit of what I've just written: 'The hurt and pain may need some time to surface and when we're not rushing around from one task to another, adding stress to ourselves, it's difficult for this happen.' What I meant was the opposite - The hurt and pain may need some time to surface and when we're not rushing around from one task to another, adding stress to ourselves, it can be easier for this happen." totally agree with you on longer post and one here..i slowed right down, doesnt mean i dont do things im just gentler on myself not pushing too hard, giving myself a break x | |||
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"I struggle with coping with grief Up until 2009 I had never lost anyone close Then in 2009 I miscarried and wasn't given the chance of being a mother March 2010. I lost my best friends daughter she was 3 and born with a heart condition. The following February the best friend passed away she was early 40s. All taken away before there time was up ;( " Nobody can fully understand your grief because we all deal with it in different ways. But there are plenty on here that will share your grief and pain. Sometimes by just being there to listen. If you ever feel you need to explode at someone I'm here. Sometimes it's easier to talk to a stranger. I won't take it personally but will always be open and honest in my replies. Always here to chat. Hugs and kisses Neil x | |||
"Everyone handles grief in different ways. What's right for one person is not necessarily right for another - having survived the death of my husband from cancer 8 years ago, I've learned never to judge how others handle grief. Whilst appearing composed on the outside and people commenting, "how well I was coping". I was screaming and falling apart on the inside. All is not what it seems, some of us are better at hiding it and putting on a brave front so as not to upset others. Death is never easy to cope with, no matter how old the person is or the circumstances xxx" Very well put xxx Hugs from me too xx | |||
