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To all the Mums out there..
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I'm quite astounded by a conversation at work today where several people took umbrage at women who take a back seat from their careers to be with their children..... I have none, so can't really comment, but thought it was a personal choice....did any of you feel degraded for choosing to spend time with your kids if you could, or did you feel bad leaving them to go back to work if you had to? |
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Its someone's personal choice how they choose to raise there children. Some are happy juggling career and children some want to be with their children.
For me there was no choice, there was no way i was going to leave my son. I wanted to spend every possible moment with him when he was young |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Im suffering this battle now.. its mental torture
I love my daughter more than anything in the world, but im also a very independant person and worked dammed hard to get where i did with my previous job.. |
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"That's what I had assumed- personal choice- was just shocked at the viciousness toward those who came back to work because the felt they had to!"
Maybe deep down they where not happy at going back to work and thats why they feel the way they do. A child who is happy and content is the most important thing. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Im suffering this battle now.. its mental torture
I love my daughter more than anything in the world, but im also a very independant person and worked dammed hard to get where i did with my previous job.."
I can only imagine... but surely what's good for you is in turn good for your baby? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"That's what I had assumed- personal choice- was just shocked at the viciousness toward those who came back to work because the felt they had to!
Maybe deep down they where not happy at going back to work and thats why they feel the way they do. A child who is happy and content is the most important thing."
Absolutely- again, I can't really comment as Mum was able to give up her job for us, so I've never known what it was like to have an absent Mum- having said that- Dad was only around at a certain time of day and neither of us feel we've missed out- we got all of his attention when he got home |
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My mum was a stay at home mum but then i think im from a generation where most mums stayed at home. When i got to about 11 she got a part time job.
I dont regret staying at home for my son, i also never left him with babysitters. He used to go to my ex husband for the weekend every other week and that was my "me" time. But lots of my friends went to work and their children never suffered by it. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"My mum was a stay at home mum but then i think im from a generation where most mums stayed at home. When i got to about 11 she got a part time job.
I dont regret staying at home for my son, i also never left him with babysitters. He used to go to my ex husband for the weekend every other week and that was my "me" time. But lots of my friends went to work and their children never suffered by it."
I think none of us suffer for it- as I said- Dad was technically part time- didn't stop us thinking he was great- it was the time he spent with us that counted- mad snowball fights, buying waterguns that Mum really dissapproved of, skateboards.... etc  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My mum was a stay at home mum but then i think im from a generation where most mums stayed at home. When i got to about 11 she got a part time job.
I dont regret staying at home for my son, i also never left him with babysitters. He used to go to my ex husband for the weekend every other week and that was my "me" time. But lots of my friends went to work and their children never suffered by it.
I think none of us suffer for it- as I said- Dad was technically part time- didn't stop us thinking he was great- it was the time he spent with us that counted- mad snowball fights, buying waterguns that Mum really dissapproved of, skateboards.... etc "
It was my ex husband who made me feel bad for staying at home with the kids. Even though I became self employed and worked from home a 50 hour week caring for other peoples children as well as my own. It was never good enough. As far as I'm concerned its down to personal choice. If you can afford to and want to then you should do it. Likewise I have friends that have children but are not cut out to be stay at home mums. There children are happy and well adjusted and know their parents love them.
People will judge either way. Myself I don't give a flying fig what other people think of my choice. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My parents were retired when I had my eldest and they looked after her during term time as I was teaching then. My sister would also help but by the time I had my second child my parents had moved to Preston and my sister to Milan.
There was no way my husband was going to let the girls be farmed out so he changed his working hours: he worked nights I worked days and we met up at the weekends.
He would take them to school, shop, cook, grab a few hours sleep then pick them up. He gave them their dinner, bathed them and when I came home we just had time for a quick kiss and he'd be off. When they were older sometimes I'd be a little late and we'd pass each other at the top of the road. If he didn't see me he'd park with hazard lights on as he wouldn't leave our road without seeing me.
Over five years we did that. Our kids were raised by both parents. We're divorced and our girls are 19, 23 and 28 and still come to both of us: love us equally. Think we both did a good job. |
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"*ahem*
There are Dads in the same situation.
Just sayin'"
True, my ex husbands second wife left him with three kids to bring up on his own, but the op was percifically talking about women saying it about other women |
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"*ahem*
There are Dads in the same situation.
Just sayin'
True, my ex husbands second wife left him with three kids to bring up on his own, but the op was percifically talking about women saying it about other women"
Yep, both understand and empathise.
just pointing out that men have to take the same thing from men.
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I have 3 kids and have tried to do the stay at home mum thing but its not for me. I go stir crazy!!
I dont think it makes me a bad mother, in fact I think that the time I spend with my children is more quality now than it was when I was at home with them all the time.
No damaged kids here!! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"*ahem*
There are Dads in the same situation.
Just sayin'
True, my ex husbands second wife left him with three kids to bring up on his own, but the op was percifically talking about women saying it about other women
Yep, both understand and empathise.
just pointing out that men have to take the same thing from men.
"
I can again, only imagine- I think it must be hellish for any parent- was just curious to hear resposes as Diamond said, the convo at work was about women- I know guys have just as hard a time
x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I have 3 kids and have tried to do the stay at home mum thing but its not for me. I go stir crazy!!
I dont think it makes me a bad mother, in fact I think that the time I spend with my children is more quality now than it was when I was at home with them all the time.
No damaged kids here!!"
That's what I thought- neither of us don't like Dad cos he worked- it made our time together more fun as he spent ages trying to come up with random ways to amuse us :o) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I had a very high-powered job in a highly thought-of profession and studied long and hard to be part of it. Even getting a job after qualifying in the male domain it was at that time, was a struggle. However, there was no question in my mind about staying within it when I fell pregnant. Luckily, it was easy to return part-time once they were 18 months old. The biggest retort I heard came from our professional body, who said it was a waste of time and money admitting females as they either left or took long career breaks. Hardly supportive. But then, I am ancient and times have hopefully changed. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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i went back to work with my eldest when he was 5/6 weeks old , my daughter i stayed at home untill she was 4ish
i think i went so soon with my son because i was a single parent and lived in a very clicky place and felt i had to prove something to the people that lived there so wanted to get my wonder woman tee shirt you know mum worker slave ect , i worked 12 hour days and missed out , so when my daughter came along i stayed at home moved in to a small village and i have recently changed career so i am able to work more flexible hours . so for me i feel that being at work did have an affect on my son tho perhaps he is more independant and certainly is more out going |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm quite astounded by a conversation at work today where several people took umbrage at women who take a back seat from their careers to be with their children..... I have none, so can't really comment, but thought it was a personal choice....did any of you feel degraded for choosing to spend time with your kids if you could, or did you feel bad leaving them to go back to work if you had to? "
Nope, why have children if you cannot enjoy them. Going back to work is not a problem as long as you set up good child care and still have quality time together.
I'm a grandma now  |
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