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Absurd Last Words

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Invent an over the top death, but only give the last words of the person or people. Try and be as absurd as possible.

How difficult can juggling chainsaws be?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Are you sure I can swallow it?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I can do that, hold my beer

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By *ildbillkidMan over a year ago

where the road goes on forever

Hey ya'll watch this

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By *uxom redCouple over a year ago

Shrewsbury

Cock wobbling a new sport

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Looks sturdy enough, hang on

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"57 pickled onions in my mouth at the same time..... ?watch this..."

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 24/04/16 20:09:38]

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By *yrdwomanWoman over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

Fire breathing can't be that hard. Pass me that kerosene.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I think I can smell gas, where's the light switch?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It's only a little Demon...

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By *yrdwomanWoman over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

I can beat that train to the level crossing, no problem.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Nightmares aren't real. Oh there you are Freddy. How did your manicure go?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What do you mean it's your husband?

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By *ark074Man over a year ago

nottingham

Sure, it will hold.

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By *eavenNhellCouple over a year ago

carrbrook stalybridge

i told you its the light at the other end of the tunnel !

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By *tretchygirl and tintinWoman over a year ago

Dartford

What do you mean knitting needles are lethal?

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

You missed the bullseye with your dart Mr Magoo.

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By *yrdwomanWoman over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

This wine tastes like hemlock.

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By *llie RoseWoman over a year ago

By the seaside

Trust me, I'm a doctor.

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By *r Stagger LeeMan over a year ago

torquay

bet I could swallow that whole baseball bat

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By *r Stagger LeeMan over a year ago

torquay

fuck it I'm gonna spunk on a lion

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Yes I CAN dodge a bullet. Shoot .......

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Yes Mrs Bates your hotel got 3 stars on Trip Adviser.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Don't be silly, everyone knows sharks love cuddles!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Will my toaster work in the bath?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Oh good johnnys home

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By *yrdwomanWoman over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

I'm fine. Charging elephants always back down if you stand still and look them in the eye.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It's not even loaded, give it here, I'll show you...

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By *olgateMan over a year ago

on the road to nowhere in particular

I've seen trucks driving across this ice

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By *r Stagger LeeMan over a year ago

torquay

no, it's safe to wank while I drive

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I asked you to buy Tampax not Semtex

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Sure I can stick my head in a lions mouth, what's the worst that could happen

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By *argaryen starkCouple over a year ago

pinxton

everyone knows the Russian mafia are all gay

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By *yrdwomanWoman over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

[Removed by poster at 24/04/16 20:40:35]

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By *yrdwomanWoman over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

A camping trip on the anniversary of the owners son's death? What could possibly go wrong?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Apparently, if you belch and fart at the same time you can explode! Let's find out...

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By *olgateMan over a year ago

on the road to nowhere in particular

Alligators! Where do you think we are, Africa?

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By *rightonsteveMan over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

"This Second World War museum piece grenade is perfectly safe. Look, if I pull this and count to four"

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By *r Stagger LeeMan over a year ago

torquay

I've never fucked anybody in the back of a bin lorry

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By *yrdwomanWoman over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

I thought you checked the parachute!

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By *erdita Von TeaseWoman over a year ago

nottingham

Will post later off for a MFM with a lovely couple Fred and rose

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By *isaB45Woman over a year ago

Fabville

"...a wafer thin mint?"

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By *olgateMan over a year ago

on the road to nowhere in particular

"I've never fucked anybody in the back of a bin lorry"

Pmsl

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

i was always told not to do this as a kid

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

That light bulb would feel great up my ass.

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By *olgateMan over a year ago

on the road to nowhere in particular

Stuff the sell by date!

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By *r Stagger LeeMan over a year ago

torquay

all I need is 50feet or rope and a tow bar

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It's always the blue wire

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Nitro glycerin's not dangerous.. Watch this!

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By *isaB45Woman over a year ago

Fabville

...sure, you can use me for knife-throwing practice.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Watch me steal that tiger's chew toy!

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By *r Stagger LeeMan over a year ago

torquay

no give over gorillas aren't gay, watch

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By *olgateMan over a year ago

on the road to nowhere in particular

You will never light it like that, use petrol

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By *rightonsteveMan over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

"I'm bloody telling you that 'poison' is French for fish! It's perfectly safe!"

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By *ed LipstickWoman over a year ago

Fucksville

It's fine I'm earthed

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By *isaB45Woman over a year ago

Fabville

I'm sure pirhanas are vegetarian - look...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I told you that was a light saber and not a dildo

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

They never really mean it when they say : don't try this at home.

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By *olgateMan over a year ago

on the road to nowhere in particular

Go on overtake him, you've got loads of room

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

When I say every hole is a goal, I do include both nostrils!

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By *rightonsteveMan over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

"It's not the middle rail that's live"

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By *VineMan over a year ago

The right place

Don't worry I think it's a tame lion.

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By *llie RoseWoman over a year ago

By the seaside

Don't worry. There's always a few loose screws left over.

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By *r Stagger LeeMan over a year ago

torquay

fancy fucking in a washing machine

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By *hyblueEyesMan over a year ago

Daventry

You're perfectly safe. Cars are designed to be waterproof

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By *hyblueEyesMan over a year ago

Daventry

I told you deep heat had the right consistency for anal lube

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What could possibly go wrong?

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By *reedy_for_funCouple over a year ago

My House

Of course I know how to ride this thing.....

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By *illwill69uMan over a year ago

moston

On the bridge of RMS Titanic...

"Its only a small leak."

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I can eat that, I'm pretty sure I've seen Bear Grylls eat it

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By *r Stagger LeeMan over a year ago

torquay

the tracks look pretty clear, time for a danger wank

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Arrrggghhh!!!!!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Have you put on weight?

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By *iforfun999Man over a year ago

Haverfordwest

You won't see me wearing this red shirt for long on the USS Enterprise, I have plans for the future after this away mission,

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By *hyblueEyesMan over a year ago

Daventry

I should have 'glug' checked if she was a squirter before i got down here......I can't even swim

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Hey your pussy feels exactly like your sisters!"

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By *illyjohnyCouple over a year ago

brighton

Yes your bum does look big in that

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Dementors need kisses too.

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By *olgateMan over a year ago

on the road to nowhere in particular

Are you lookin at my bird?

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By *onnie55Man over a year ago

Port Talbot

Hey honey, aren't we flying a little close to the World trade Cen

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By *onnie55Man over a year ago

Port Talbot

C'mon bear.. If Di Caprio can do it, I can..

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

fuck me a bus

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By *r and mrs sanddancerCouple over a year ago

BOLDON COLLIERY

Told you I was ill

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By *olgateMan over a year ago

on the road to nowhere in particular

These mushrooms look cute, wonder what they taste like?

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By *etitesaraTV/TS over a year ago

rochdale

True one..

General John Sedgwick at the battle of Spotsylvania Court House - "they couldn't hit an elephant at this dist.."

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

My crumpets stuck in the toaster. I'll just use this knife to get it

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By *vbride1963TV/TS over a year ago

E.K . Glasgow

Russian roulette? Me first

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By *risky_MareWoman over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

Oh he only fly bucks, he doesn't really mean it........

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By *illwill69uMan over a year ago

moston

"True one..

General John Sedgwick at the battle of Spotsylvania Court House - "they couldn't hit an elephant at this dist.."

"
thought it was a 'barn door'...

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By *udistnorthantsMan over a year ago

Desborough

Don't worry, "Airtight" is just its slang term.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Did you check the stitching?

Yeah- it's fine.

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By *ildbillkidMan over a year ago

where the road goes on forever

What does this button do ?

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By *iforfun999Man over a year ago

Haverfordwest

Ha ha! It's not every day you see a piano being hauled up on a rope above you, just like in the cartoons.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

They said it will be fine, just don't move because this knife is sharp...

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By *iforfun999Man over a year ago

Haverfordwest

Swimming with sharks is for wimps. I'n going to swim with piranhas!

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By *iamondjoeMan over a year ago

Glastonbury

You'll be fine - they couldn't hit an elephant at this dist-

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By *uzy444Woman over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

but its a hamster..it wont kill me....

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By *enuinedannyMan over a year ago

walsall

Hey Fishing is easy with electricity . While stood in a metal boat

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By *iamondjoeMan over a year ago

Glastonbury

Well thank you very much - I WILL go play with the traffic!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

C'mon, i'll teach you how to ride a polar bear.

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By *ildbillkidMan over a year ago

where the road goes on forever

Hey they must be making a zombie movie, lets go see

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By *olgateMan over a year ago

on the road to nowhere in particular

Ignore the signs, I can out ski an avalanche any time

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By *he horny kinkstersCouple over a year ago

North West

What is it? It's a home made e-stim. Look, just plug that bit in there, turn it on here and....

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By *riskynriskyCouple over a year ago

Essex.

I'll prove it! Ghurka's are just small men with big reputation...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Excuse me, there's a bit of loose wire hanging out of your rucksack....

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You can trust me, I'm a politician

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Bungeeeeeeee

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Don't use a name badge with a pin..

TinaTitz

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

after 3! 1...2....

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By *rightonsteveMan over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

James Deans' we're supposed to have been "he sees us"

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Cut the red wire, that always works in films !

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By *olgateMan over a year ago

on the road to nowhere in particular

Does it bite?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Does it bite?"

"Zat is not my dog!"

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By *riskynriskyCouple over a year ago

Essex.

I got a great deal on a holiday in Syria, see you in two weeks...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Its only dangerous if you get too close to it.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Oops.

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By *olgateMan over a year ago

on the road to nowhere in particular

Oy! You just spilt my pint!

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By *vbride1963TV/TS over a year ago

E.K . Glasgow

Nobody does human sacrifices anymore

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Yes. I'm sure.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Pull yourself together. Millions of women have periods too. You don't see them complaining....

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By *iamondjoeMan over a year ago

Glastonbury

I might lose my toes to diabetes but that meal was worth it!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Honestly, its fine. We will buy tickets in the home end at Milwall and sit with them.

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By *ndrew1972Man over a year ago

Roscrea

"Look at all those f**kin Indians" (General Custer)

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By *iamondjoeMan over a year ago

Glastonbury

Joking aside, my fav. last words are those of Karl Marx who reportedly shouted at his housekeeper:

"GET OUT, GET OUT! LAST WORDS ARE FOOLS WHO DIDN'T SAY ENOUGH WHILE THEY WERE ALIVE!"

Which is both pithy and plausible.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It could be worse.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Oooh this big red button looks like it needs to be pushed

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Hey honey, aren't we flying a little close to the World trade Cen"

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By *teve197_ukMan over a year ago

Sutton Coldfield

I always use condoms

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Can you hear banjos?

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By *iamondjoeMan over a year ago

Glastonbury

Look! There's a light at the end of the tunnel!

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By *iforfun999Man over a year ago

Haverfordwest

Just scrape the mould off, it won't do you any harm.

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By *ervent_fervourMan over a year ago

Halifax

Of course I believe in God.

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By *r Stagger LeeMan over a year ago

torquay

I reckon I can get to the moon, I saw Wallace and gromit do it.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It's not contagious.

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By *iforfun999Man over a year ago

Haverfordwest

It's never done that before.

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By *ty31Man over a year ago

NW London

No need to waste money calling in a professional, I can knock that wall down myself

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Russian roulette with all 6 rounds in? Sure, I'll go first

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By *ty31Man over a year ago

NW London

Abseiling without a safety rope? Piece of piss

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By *B9 QueenWoman over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

Aw bet he's friendly really.

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By *r TriomanMan over a year ago

Chippenham Malmesbury area

"Was it cut the red wire or was it the green wire?"

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By *r Stagger LeeMan over a year ago

torquay

hhhmmm is Electronic stimulation similar to fucking a plug socket.

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By *ty31Man over a year ago

NW London

Well my cat likes it's belly tickled and lions ARE related

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Your ex is Charlie Sheen? Let's fuck!

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By *iforfun999Man over a year ago

Haverfordwest

Did you name your group, Isis after the dog on Downtown Abbey?

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By *iforfun999Man over a year ago

Haverfordwest

Looks deep enough to dive headfirst into.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Sex on the train track you say? Yeh I'll go for that

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Just help me shove this marrow up my arse will you? Yeah course it's safe - I've seen it on hot photos! X

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By *r Stagger LeeMan over a year ago

torquay

ooooh Houdini sex, sound fun.

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By *iforfun999Man over a year ago

Haverfordwest

...and their head was placed in the guillotine like this, so the executioner could pull on this ....

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

""Hey your pussy feels exactly like your sisters!""

Hey your cock feels exactly like your grandads!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

""Hey your pussy feels exactly like your sisters!"

Hey your cock feels exactly like your grandads!"

I thought you were straight?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Hippos dangerous? Don't be stupid, they're soft as sh...

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By *olgateMan over a year ago

on the road to nowhere in particular

This level crossing is perfectly saf..

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By *ndrew1972Man over a year ago

Roscrea

"Did you name your group, Isis after the dog on Downtown Abbey?"

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By *rightonsteveMan over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

"I can outrun that bear"

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By *riskynriskyCouple over a year ago

Essex.

If you put your ear to the track, you can tell how far away the train is...

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By *uke olovingmanMan over a year ago

Gravesend

Do you know anything about parashutes

Do you know anything about gas cookers

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By *uke olovingmanMan over a year ago

Gravesend

Have you seen me light my farts

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By *iforfun999Man over a year ago

Haverfordwest

just checked in at the Hotel Cortez, "as seen on TV", according to the sign.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Look over there - it's the KKK! Lets cover ourselves with this boot polish for a laugh!

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By *ty31Man over a year ago

NW London

Well its the last day of a great holiday in Saudi Arabia. I'll show my gratitude to the locals by drawing a huge picture of Mohammed on that wall

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By *olgateMan over a year ago

on the road to nowhere in particular

Everyone knows there are no poisonous snakes in this country

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By *ndrew1972Man over a year ago

Roscrea

That myth is rubbish. Look I'll put this mentos mint in my mouth & then drink some diet ....

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By *olgateMan over a year ago

on the road to nowhere in particular

Nobody has died from a blowjob

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By *riskynriskyCouple over a year ago

Essex.

Stuffing the turkey with dynamite will make it cook quicker...

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By *verysmileMan over a year ago

Canterbury

So you are into Game of Thrones roleplay...Yep, I am happy to play a King.

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