FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Ridiculous instructions/warnings
Ridiculous instructions/warnings
Jump to: Newest in thread
 |
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
When my children were small I purchased a pushchair. The instructions said 'not to be used while horse back riding' 
What weird and wonderful pieces of advice have you been offered ? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Where I used to live, there was a big zoo/animals in enclosures type of place. They had lions there.
There was a sign on the fence saying "Lions are dangerous". |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Where I used to live, there was a big zoo/animals in enclosures type of place. They had lions there.
There was a sign on the fence saying "Lions are dangerous"."
I'm surprised someone didn't write underneath 'no shit?'  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Where I used to live, there was a big zoo/animals in enclosures type of place. They had lions there.
There was a sign on the fence saying "Lions are dangerous".
I'm surprised someone didn't write underneath 'no shit?' "
Lions do shit 
Just as bears do in the woods |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Where I work (Bank), most of the U.K. People have been outsourced by Indians, in every toilet trap we have instructions to sit on the toilet and flush, not to squat and shove paper down to cover poo, at least 1 blocked every day |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ivnwcplCouple
over a year ago
liverpool |
"When my children were small I purchased a pushchair. The instructions said 'not to be used while horse back riding'
What weird and wonderful pieces of advice have you been offered ?"
I bought I horse once and the label said not to be used with a pushchair |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Where I work (Bank), most of the U.K. People have been outsourced by Indians, in every toilet trap we have instructions to sit on the toilet and flush, not to squat and shove paper down to cover poo, at least 1 blocked every day "
Indians are not people??
You learn something new every day  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"American Airlines. A warning on their packets of peanuts...."caution, may contain nuts" . The two Ronnies couldn't write better!"
Not quit eon topic but airline themed. Went to Singapore in the 90s and had to fill in a visitor visa form before landing with the belter question "Are you now, or have you ever been, convicted of international terrorism offences?" with a Yes/No box. At no point did I think "ooh I'll tick Yes for a laugh"... |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
On packet of peanuts on an ( American) airline,
" Instrcutions;
1. Open packet
2. Eat nuts"
And a sticker on the rear view mirror on a hire car in the US;
" objects seen in this mirror are actually behind you" |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"American Airlines. A warning on their packets of peanuts...."caution, may contain nuts" . The two Ronnies couldn't write better! Not quit eon topic but airline themed. Went to Singapore in the 90s and had to fill in a visitor visa form before landing with the belter question "Are you now, or have you ever been, convicted of international terrorism offences?" with a Yes/No box. At no point did I think "ooh I'll tick Yes for a laugh"... "
They ask the same question in Australia on the entry form;
" have you been convicted of a criminal offence?"
The reply is " I didn't know it was still a requirement of entry "
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"On packet of peanuts on an ( American) airline,
" Instrcutions;
1. Open packet
2. Eat nuts"
And a sticker on the rear view mirror on a hire car in the US;
" objects seen in this mirror are actually behind you""
OH HEAVENS that is hilarious  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"American Airlines. A warning on their packets of peanuts...."caution, may contain nuts" . The two Ronnies couldn't write better! Not quit eon topic but airline themed. Went to Singapore in the 90s and had to fill in a visitor visa form before landing with the belter question "Are you now, or have you ever been, convicted of international terrorism offences?" with a Yes/No box. At no point did I think "ooh I'll tick Yes for a laugh"... "
Similar story - my daughter was visiting Russia on a school trip and one of the questions on the visa application form was 'is your child trained in the use of firearms?'
Safe to say she struggles with a tin opener so they are quite safe there |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"When my children were small I purchased a pushchair. The instructions said 'not to be used while horse back riding'
What weird and wonderful pieces of advice have you been offered ?"
I have one of those China travel coffee cups with a rubber lid which says "contents maybe hot"
If you can't work out if you put hot drinks inside it, the contents might be hot, then quite frankly you deserve to be burnt
Saying that, I might put the same warning on my boxer shorts |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
" Went to Singapore in the 90s and had to fill in a visitor visa form before landing with the belter question "Are you now, or have you ever been, convicted of international terrorism offences?" with a Yes/No box. At no point did I think "ooh I'll tick Yes for a laugh"... "
Haha I had that on the application form to join the Royal Navy. And Have you ever been involved in plans to overthrow or undermine this political government?
I didn't get in, so maybe they didn't believe my "No" ticks. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I done a Pyrotecnics course about ten years ago and the instructor told us of some mental circus act (Circus of Horrors type of thing) that used to shove a specific type of 'rocket' up their Arse as part of the show - needless to say, it went wrong once and literally tore him a new one.
Company got sued, lost and had to pay out as they had no warning text on their product saying you could do that with them.
Guess what warning it now has! 
F |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I tripped over once while I was reading the sign above my head that read "please mind the step" if I had not been distracted by the sign I would have noticed the step |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Sign in a jewelry shop window;
Ears pierced while you wait.
Presumably because trying to do them while running for a bus proved too challenging....."
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"On ironing instructions... Do not iron whilst wearing garment.....personally I think do away with instructions and let evolution do its thing!!  "
Brilliant X |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
The information leaflet with Viagra is funny, one of the possible side effects is "sudden death" followed by the instructions "should any of the side effects become serious please contact your doctor "
Could be a possible new new tv show, zombies coming back to tell doctors they died taking Viagra |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"On ironing instructions... Do not iron whilst wearing garment.....personally I think do away with instructions and let evolution do its thing!! "
I was ironing my curtains once and ended up falling through the window |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Makes me chuckle when i see the sign for heavy plant crossing never see any "
What you mean you've never seen the armies of triffids crossing the A27 ? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"American Airlines. A warning on their packets of peanuts...."caution, may contain nuts" . The two Ronnies couldn't write better! Not quit eon topic but airline themed. Went to Singapore in the 90s and had to fill in a visitor visa form before landing with the belter question "Are you now, or have you ever been, convicted of international terrorism offences?" with a Yes/No box. At no point did I think "ooh I'll tick Yes for a laugh"...
Similar story - my daughter was visiting Russia on a school trip and one of the questions on the visa application form was 'is your child trained in the use of firearms?'
Safe to say she struggles with a tin opener so they are quite safe there "
Shit, so no family trip to Russia for us ffs!  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *obletonMan
over a year ago
A Home Among The Woodland Creatures |
"Not quit eon topic but airline themed. Went to Singapore in the 90s and had to fill in a visitor visa form before landing with the belter question "Are you now, or have you ever been, convicted of international terrorism offences?" with a Yes/No box. At no point did I think "ooh I'll tick Yes for a laugh"... "
similar to the question on the US visa waiver form
Do you plan to overthrow the United States of America?
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
We have a bearded dragon so we bought a book about them. While reading, it said that dragons open their mouths when they get too hot so we must take action to try to cool him down if needed. We had to laugh when we saw a caution underneath stating that whatever you do, do not place dragon in the freezer |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"American Airlines. A warning on their packets of peanuts...."caution, may contain nuts" . The two Ronnies couldn't write better! Not quit eon topic but airline themed. Went to Singapore in the 90s and had to fill in a visitor visa form before landing with the belter question "Are you now, or have you ever been, convicted of international terrorism offences?" with a Yes/No box. At no point did I think "ooh I'll tick Yes for a laugh"...
They ask the same question in Australia on the entry form;
" have you been convicted of a criminal offence?"
The reply is " I didn't know it was still a requirement of entry "
"
It used to be. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
There are passages in the manuals of RV's that describe in detail how "cruise control" does not mean "autopilot". Apparently some Muppet put "cruise control" on and then got out of the drivers seat and went to make a cuppa in the kitchen. Naturally it crashed.
Twat.
*Him* |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
On a cage in a zoo .. These animals are dangerous .. I've never seen a dangerou before... On plastic bags .. To avoid suffocation keep away from children .. I've brought up three of my own and never been suffocated once |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
On my contact lenses pack leaflet it has the following wisdom.."Do not place lens on eye if eye closed".
WTF????
Well, i had no idea i could dematerialise the fucin thing thru my eyelid using The Force! Will have to try tho as it may take less time than tryin the normal way! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Tractors also have, or used to, a sticker inside that says 'in event of overturning, hold tightly onto steering wheel'
Aye, ok then...
F"
most peoples reaction is to try to jump clear when a tractor overturns most of those end up dead
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Tractors also have, or used to, a sticker inside that says 'in event of overturning, hold tightly onto steering wheel'
Aye, ok then...
F
most peoples reaction is to try to jump clear when a tractor overturns most of those end up dead
"
Same with forklifts |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ty31Man
over a year ago
NW London |
"Tractors also have, or used to, a sticker inside that says 'in event of overturning, hold tightly onto steering wheel'
Aye, ok then...
F
most peoples reaction is to try to jump clear when a tractor overturns most of those end up dead
Same with forklifts"
Yes. The official advice (when I did my licence) was to remain seated, grip steering wheel and lean away from point of impact so your shoulder don't hit the deck before the machine does. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"On ironing instructions... Do not iron whilst wearing garment.....personally I think do away with instructions and let evolution do its thing!!
I was ironing my curtains once and ended up falling through the window"
Could have been worse, if your phone had rang you could have burned your ear.... |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Tractors also have, or used to, a sticker inside that says 'in event of overturning, hold tightly onto steering wheel'
Aye, ok then...
F"
most injuries from overturning are caused by instinctively putting your arm out 
with rally cars you will find the front windows only open a few inches at the top to stop that happening.
so not as daft as it sounds |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *lighty1Woman
over a year ago
You Dont Need to Know, right now |
T.V advert for a well-known hair product brand says "it is not recommended to shampoo eyeballs" Presumably badly translated from a different language. Or am I the only one who wouldn't dream of shampooing my eyeballs? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Sign in a jewelry shop window;
Ears pierced while you wait.
Presumably because trying to do them while running for a bus proved too challenging....."
Maybe they were concerned that someone might just leave their ears for them to pierce while they went for a coffee lol |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
In Swansea uni they had to put up instructional pictures in the library toilets showing people how to sit down a number two, because the students had been standing on the rim and squatting, making a bit of a mess in the process...
Google "Swansea uni toilet training".  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
» Add a new message to this topic
