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Here we go again
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"Well my chums, it's happened again, gave my trust to a woman, and she shat on me from a great hight We had an agreement when it came to sleeping with other people, to be honest, and tell each other if we planed on having sex with someone, or at the very least, tell each other straight away at the first opportunity after it's happened ( sometimes it's an in the moment thing) but she lied to me, for two weeks she lied by omission, and then for a week lied to my face, until this morning when her lies were exposed. I'm mad at her, there was no need to lie, all she had to do was be honest, I'm fine with the fact that she wanted to have sex with someone else, fuck, she could have bought him over and had the time of her life, instead she had to lie about it and now look, she's alone, having lost someone who had genuine feelings for her, and treated her like she deserved to be treated. That's it, I'm done trying to fix the broken, back to the plan, stay single, stay happy, and live" Chin up matey big hugs sent to you  | |||
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"Some peeps just can't help themselves "Checking you out and thinking mmmm...i cant help myself  | |||
I'd buy you pint if I could but don't dwell on it. There is plenty of happiness out there you just need to accept that and start living again !!! | |||
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"Well my chums, it's happened again, gave my trust to a woman, and she shat on me from a great hight We had an agreement when it came to sleeping with other people, to be honest, and tell each other if we planed on having sex with someone, or at the very least, tell each other straight away at the first opportunity after it's happened ( sometimes it's an in the moment thing) but she lied to me, for two weeks she lied by omission, and then for a week lied to my face, until this morning when her lies were exposed. I'm mad at her, there was no need to lie, all she had to do was be honest, I'm fine with the fact that she wanted to have sex with someone else, fuck, she could have bought him over and had the time of her life, instead she had to lie about it and now look, she's alone, having lost someone who had genuine feelings for her, and treated her like she deserved to be treated. That's it, I'm done trying to fix the broken, back to the plan, stay single, stay happy, and live" if your single, why do you need to tell eachother who you meet anyway.....people can find it awkward to chat about meeting others, so maybe best to just do your own thing and be accepting that if your two single people then just do your own thing...you owe nobody anything...either you..or her.. | |||
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"Well my chums, it's happened again, gave my trust to a woman, and she shat on me from a great hight We had an agreement when it came to sleeping with other people, to be honest, and tell each other if we planed on having sex with someone, or at the very least, tell each other straight away at the first opportunity after it's happened ( sometimes it's an in the moment thing) but she lied to me, for two weeks she lied by omission, and then for a week lied to my face, until this morning when her lies were exposed. I'm mad at her, there was no need to lie, all she had to do was be honest, I'm fine with the fact that she wanted to have sex with someone else, fuck, she could have bought him over and had the time of her life, instead she had to lie about it and now look, she's alone, having lost someone who had genuine feelings for her, and treated her like she deserved to be treated. That's it, I'm done trying to fix the broken, back to the plan, stay single, stay happy, and live if your single, why do you need to tell eachother who you meet anyway.....people can find it awkward to chat about meeting others, so maybe best to just do your own thing and be accepting that if your two single people then just do your own thing...you owe nobody anything...either you..or her.." I think they were in a actual relationship if I remember correctly from a previous thread. | |||
"Well my chums, it's happened again, gave my trust to a woman, and she shat on me from a great hight We had an agreement when it came to sleeping with other people, to be honest, and tell each other if we planed on having sex with someone, or at the very least, tell each other straight away at the first opportunity after it's happened ( sometimes it's an in the moment thing) but she lied to me, for two weeks she lied by omission, and then for a week lied to my face, until this morning when her lies were exposed. I'm mad at her, there was no need to lie, all she had to do was be honest, I'm fine with the fact that she wanted to have sex with someone else, fuck, she could have bought him over and had the time of her life, instead she had to lie about it and now look, she's alone, having lost someone who had genuine feelings for her, and treated her like she deserved to be treated. That's it, I'm done trying to fix the broken, back to the plan, stay single, stay happy, and live if your single, why do you need to tell eachother who you meet anyway.....people can find it awkward to chat about meeting others, so maybe best to just do your own thing and be accepting that if your two single people then just do your own thing...you owe nobody anything...either you..or her.. I think they were in a actual relationship if I remember correctly from a previous thread. " oh i see...it didn't say that , so my apologies | |||
I don't know what to say, that's really rubbish.
[pick your own platitude that will make you feel better]
Have a piece of chocolate. It's my last bit. | |||
I would give her another chance | |||
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"Well my chums, it's happened again, gave my trust to a woman, and she shat on me from a great hight We had an agreement when it came to sleeping with other people, to be honest, and tell each other if we planed on having sex with someone, or at the very least, tell each other straight away at the first opportunity after it's happened ( sometimes it's an in the moment thing) but she lied to me, for two weeks she lied by omission, and then for a week lied to my face, until this morning when her lies were exposed. I'm mad at her, there was no need to lie, all she had to do was be honest, I'm fine with the fact that she wanted to have sex with someone else, fuck, she could have bought him over and had the time of her life, instead she had to lie about it and now look, she's alone, having lost someone who had genuine feelings for her, and treated her like she deserved to be treated. That's it, I'm done trying to fix the broken, back to the plan, stay single, stay happy, and live" Sometimes it's the secrecy that makes it exciting so if your not bothered if she does it with someone else why do you have to know ? | |||
"sorry to hear that...some people just seem to thrive on the lies and subterfuge no matter what... "that's a fact strangely!never understood it..chin up mate...better to find out now! | |||
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"Well my chums, it's happened again, gave my trust to a woman, and she shat on me from a great hight We had an agreement when it came to sleeping with other people, to be honest, and tell each other if we planed on having sex with someone, or at the very least, tell each other straight away at the first opportunity after it's happened ( sometimes it's an in the moment thing) but she lied to me, for two weeks she lied by omission, and then for a week lied to my face, until this morning when her lies were exposed. I'm mad at her, there was no need to lie, all she had to do was be honest, I'm fine with the fact that she wanted to have sex with someone else, " You have my empathy hun, you'd think on a swingers site of all places people could make an agreement to suit and be honest, but I am afraid it is not so. | |||
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"I'll probably get shot down for this and I always like your posts. But we are only hearing your side and I never like not knowing where the other person is coming from. There are two sides to every story. " totally agree honesty comes in many forms..checking peoples phones and logging in to peoples fab accounts behind their backs, but they always get found out in the long run... people say they are honest...but only when it suits them......  | |||
"I'll probably get shot down for this and I always like your posts. But we are only hearing your side and I never like not knowing where the other person is coming from. There are two sides to every story. " I have to agree that there are 2 sides in fact 3 sides to every story | |||
"I'll probably get shot down for this and I always like your posts. But we are only hearing your side and I never like not knowing where the other person is coming from. There are two sides to every story. " | |||
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"It's the lies, I've had enough liars to last me a lifetime, and I can't get my head round why she would lie about something she had permission to do anyway, it makes no sense. I can't always tell when someone is lying to me, so I need to feel that I can trust someone isn't going to lie to me before I can feel comfortable enough to take my walls down, I took my walls down for her, told her things that only a few people know about, deeply personal stuff, and she turned out to be someone who just doesn't care about the cost to my feelings, that her actions have caused, I was falling for her, fast, I thought she was the one, I was thinking the other day that she would never lie to me, I thought I had struck gold, yeah, fools gold, I'm such a twat, should know better at my age, well, I'm going to have pizza with my son for tea and build a huge hit wheels track, and when he goes to bed I'm going on Xbox to blow shit up, thanks for the therapy fab, " You are not a twat for trusting someone ,it takes a strong person to do that . The twat is the person who abuses that trust you gave to them . | |||
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"Ok, I would be genuinely interested to hear what your thoughts on a perfectly reasonable explanation would be as to why she lied to me about something that she had "permission " to do. What possible reason could there be? Perhaps it was all my fault, maybe I did something that caused her to lie, it's all beyond me so maybe you could shed some light on it all for me" Because "permission" is a horrible word... she doesn't need your permission, she can do what she wants, thats life. Sorry What caused her to lie is perhaps one of a hundred things, but feeling controlled might have something to do with it.... | |||
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"Ok, I would be genuinely interested to hear what your thoughts on a perfectly reasonable explanation would be as to why she lied to me about something that she had "permission " to do. What possible reason could there be? Perhaps it was all my fault, maybe I did something that caused her to lie, it's all beyond me so maybe you could shed some light on it all for me" People lie for numerous reasons some lies are malious and uncalled for but some lies are to protect people from getting hurt, you haven't mentioned how she lied what she said to you that was the lie. Maybe she wanted to lie, maybe she felt pressurised into lying or maybe she wanted to protect you from the truth. | |||
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"Okay. Tin hat and flak jacket...... I don't get this. If you are a couple. Play and arrange meets as a couple (even if thats single meets). If you are two singles (living in separate houses), then why the "exclusivity/honesty" clause? I think (and I am sorry OP, this is a sweeping generalisation and not meant in a judgemental or derogatory way, just an opinion), I think that singles have a tendency to over-complicated Fab. If you meet a great single through Fab and you starting "walking out together", then personally, i would take some time off fab and enjoy that burgeoning part of the relationship, if you both agree at a later stage, come back as a couple. But if you were both "single" but FWB/FB or whatever, how can you ask anyone to hold to any request you ask to tell you before a meet? They are single....you are single, as long as you play within each others boundaries (safe sex or whatever) and you don't fib about that, its all good. The single women on Fab are independent and moreso than not, intelligent women, who, like the single guys, just want some physical fun once in a while. Yes some want relationships or more, and when they find that guy, they may well disappear, but asking them to change, when thats what attracts me/you to them in the first place, just for you/me, that seems a little selfish and you are changing what you adore about them I am sorry for your pain, OP, really I am, but see Fab for what it is, a group of people of a mind, that enjoy liberated moments with like minded peoples, if you connect with someone, both leave, come back maybe when you have really been "together" I hope your heart heals quick. Paul" Our relationship was just a normal relationship, the only thing that I said to her that was a no no was lying to me, like I said before, I have no problem with her sleeping with someone else, but I hate being lied to, I made it clear to her that I can't be in any kind of relationship with someone who lies to me, trust has gone, it's nothing to do with the other guy, just because we were in a relationship doesn't mean I own her, but lying to me, says she didn't give a toss about what I said to her right at the beginning | |||
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"Ok, I would be genuinely interested to hear what your thoughts on a perfectly reasonable explanation would be as to why she lied to me about something that she had "permission " to do. What possible reason could there be? Perhaps it was all my fault, maybe I did something that caused her to lie, it's all beyond me so maybe you could shed some light on it all for me People lie for numerous reasons some lies are malious and uncalled for but some lies are to protect people from getting hurt, you haven't mentioned how she lied what she said to you that was the lie. Maybe she wanted to lie, maybe she felt pressurised into lying or maybe she wanted to protect you from the truth. " | |||
"I'm trying to think why I would lie if I was the woman in the scenario and I think it would be if I had developed feelings for the guy I'd had sex with and wasn't sure if I wanted to carry on with our "relationship" as it stood. " . You can't put yourself in her situation as we don't actually know what situation she was in... | |||
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"Ok, I would be genuinely interested to hear what your thoughts on a perfectly reasonable explanation would be as to why she lied to me about something that she had "permission " to do. What possible reason could there be? Perhaps it was all my fault, maybe I did something that caused her to lie, it's all beyond me so maybe you could shed some light on it all for me Because "permission" is a horrible word... she doesn't need your permission, she can do what she wants, thats life. Sorry What caused her to lie is perhaps one of a hundred things, but feeling controlled might have something to do with it...." And that's why I put "permission " in "" So what you are saying is because we discussed the kind of relationship we both wanted, and I stated that I hate being lied to, and that lying is the ultimate deal breaker for me, she might have felt controlled? | |||
"I'm trying to think why I would lie if I was the woman in the scenario and I think it would be if I had developed feelings for the guy I'd had sex with and wasn't sure if I wanted to carry on with our "relationship" as it stood. . You can't put yourself in her situation as we don't actually know what situation she was in..." True, I was just going on what the opening post made me think. It's just a subjective opinion, like everyone's opinion is | |||
"I personally think you've made far too much of the situation and it could've been resolved. You're speaking like a married man who has discovered your wife was cheating on you. Perhaps you need to think again before you embark on another open relationship. " this | |||
"Okay. Tin hat and flak jacket...... I don't get this. If you are a couple. Play and arrange meets as a couple (even if thats single meets). If you are two singles (living in separate houses), then why the "exclusivity/honesty" clause? I think (and I am sorry OP, this is a sweeping generalisation and not meant in a judgemental or derogatory way, just an opinion), I think that singles have a tendency to over-complicated Fab. If you meet a great single through Fab and you starting "walking out together", then personally, i would take some time off fab and enjoy that burgeoning part of the relationship, if you both agree at a later stage, come back as a couple. But if you were both "single" but FWB/FB or whatever, how can you ask anyone to hold to any request you ask to tell you before a meet? They are single....you are single, as long as you play within each others boundaries (safe sex or whatever) and you don't fib about that, its all good. The single women on Fab are independent and moreso than not, intelligent women, who, like the single guys, just want some physical fun once in a while. Yes some want relationships or more, and when they find that guy, they may well disappear, but asking them to change, when thats what attracts me/you to them in the first place, just for you/me, that seems a little selfish and you are changing what you adore about them I am sorry for your pain, OP, really I am, but see Fab for what it is, a group of people of a mind, that enjoy liberated moments with like minded peoples, if you connect with someone, both leave, come back maybe when you have really been "together" I hope your heart heals quick. Paul" | |||
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"Okay. Tin hat and flak jacket...... I don't get this. If you are a couple. Play and arrange meets as a couple (even if thats single meets). If you are two singles (living in separate houses), then why the "exclusivity/honesty" clause? I think (and I am sorry OP, this is a sweeping generalisation and not meant in a judgemental or derogatory way, just an opinion), I think that singles have a tendency to over-complicated Fab. If you meet a great single through Fab and you starting "walking out together", then personally, i would take some time off fab and enjoy that burgeoning part of the relationship, if you both agree at a later stage, come back as a couple. But if you were both "single" but FWB/FB or whatever, how can you ask anyone to hold to any request you ask to tell you before a meet? They are single....you are single, as long as you play within each others boundaries (safe sex or whatever) and you don't fib about that, its all good. The single women on Fab are independent and moreso than not, intelligent women, who, like the single guys, just want some physical fun once in a while. Yes some want relationships or more, and when they find that guy, they may well disappear, but asking them to change, when thats what attracts me/you to them in the first place, just for you/me, that seems a little selfish and you are changing what you adore about them I am sorry for your pain, OP, really I am, but see Fab for what it is, a group of people of a mind, that enjoy liberated moments with like minded peoples, if you connect with someone, both leave, come back maybe when you have really been "together" I hope your heart heals quick. Paul Our relationship was just a normal relationship, the only thing that I said to her that was a no no was lying to me, like I said before, I have no problem with her sleeping with someone else, but I hate being lied to, I made it clear to her that I can't be in any kind of relationship with someone who lies to me, trust has gone, it's nothing to do with the other guy, just because we were in a relationship doesn't mean I own her, but lying to me, says she didn't give a toss about what I said to her right at the beginning " You were both on Fab with singles profiles... did you have a couples profile? How serious was this relationship? Did you come off fab to really get to know each other without Fab, nagging away at each others minds? If Its an open relationship then trust is the only thing you have, no one has to tell anyone anything, they just have to respect the sexual health of their partner.... Sorry OP, I don't understand the grounding in your relationship and therefore it has become impossible for me to comment further, its confusing and has rules that I can't comprehend. If I was in a relationship, even if I met someone through fab, I would say, look, I am coming off fab, because right now, you are the only girl I want to get to know, maybe we can go back as a couple... ...if the person I was in a relationship said "well I am staying on fab", I would probably see the writing on the wall. Again, I am sorry for your pain, truly, it sucks, its shit, no one likes lies or liars, but did you set impossible boundaries in your relationship? | |||
"I'm trying to think why I would lie if I was the woman in the scenario and I think it would be if I had developed feelings for the guy I'd had sex with and wasn't sure if I wanted to carry on with our "relationship" as it stood. . You can't put yourself in her situation as we don't actually know what situation she was in... True, I was just going on what the opening post made me think. It's just a subjective opinion, like everyone's opinion is "I know that | |||
"Well my chums, it's happened again, gave my trust to a woman, and she shat on me from a great hight We had an agreement when it came to sleeping with other people, to be honest, and tell each other if we planed on having sex with someone, or at the very least, tell each other straight away at the first opportunity after it's happened ( sometimes it's an in the moment thing) but she lied to me, for two weeks she lied by omission, and then for a week lied to my face, until this morning when her lies were exposed. I'm mad at her, there was no need to lie, all she had to do was be honest, I'm fine with the fact that she wanted to have sex with someone else, fuck, she could have bought him over and had the time of her life, instead she had to lie about it and now look, she's alone, having lost someone who had genuine feelings for her, and treated her like she deserved to be treated. That's it, I'm done trying to fix the broken, back to the plan, stay single, stay happy, and live" know how you feel, same happened to me, had a very good fb but she was very good at bullshit but very shit at hiding it, just move on | |||
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"Ok, I would be genuinely interested to hear what your thoughts on a perfectly reasonable explanation would be as to why she lied to me about something that she had "permission " to do. What possible reason could there be? Perhaps it was all my fault, maybe I did something that caused her to lie, it's all beyond me so maybe you could shed some light on it all for me Because "permission" is a horrible word... she doesn't need your permission, she can do what she wants, thats life. Sorry What caused her to lie is perhaps one of a hundred things, but feeling controlled might have something to do with it.... And that's why I put "permission " in "" So what you are saying is because we discussed the kind of relationship we both wanted, and I stated that I hate being lied to, and that lying is the ultimate deal breaker for me, she might have felt controlled?" Yes. Quite simply. Yes. The people on this site are independent free thinkers, liberated in all they do (well some have boundaries). I am not so sure she signed up, i think she just went along with.... and that is very wrong, that means you got played, but without knowing her side, without knowing whether she was as committed as you, we just can't tell. Players lie, cake and eat it, and those people are arseholes, and unfortunately for us single guys, most of them are guys, and many of my friends have been hurt by such inconsiderate arseholes. and there are players on this forum and on this site.... and they leave people in a bad way. I am sorry for you if you got played by a liar, but if it was you seeing more than there was, then that was writing on the wall | |||
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"How much did you say she has to tell you about who,where and what she did with other men? I could give some maybes but,without knowing the ins and outs,it's speculation and guesswork. Have you asked her why she didn't want to tell you? " bingo! 
just ask her why OP
then go from there | |||
"Okay. Tin hat and flak jacket...... I don't get this. If you are a couple. Play and arrange meets as a couple (even if thats single meets). If you are two singles (living in separate houses), then why the "exclusivity/honesty" clause? I think (and I am sorry OP, this is a sweeping generalisation and not meant in a judgemental or derogatory way, just an opinion), I think that singles have a tendency to over-complicated Fab. If you meet a great single through Fab and you starting "walking out together", then personally, i would take some time off fab and enjoy that burgeoning part of the relationship, if you both agree at a later stage, come back as a couple. But if you were both "single" but FWB/FB or whatever, how can you ask anyone to hold to any request you ask to tell you before a meet? They are single....you are single, as long as you play within each others boundaries (safe sex or whatever) and you don't fib about that, its all good. The single women on Fab are independent and moreso than not, intelligent women, who, like the single guys, just want some physical fun once in a while. Yes some want relationships or more, and when they find that guy, they may well disappear, but asking them to change, when thats what attracts me/you to them in the first place, just for you/me, that seems a little selfish and you are changing what you adore about them I am sorry for your pain, OP, really I am, but see Fab for what it is, a group of people of a mind, that enjoy liberated moments with like minded peoples, if you connect with someone, both leave, come back maybe when you have really been "together" I hope your heart heals quick. Paul Our relationship was just a normal relationship, the only thing that I said to her that was a no no was lying to me, like I said before, I have no problem with her sleeping with someone else, but I hate being lied to, I made it clear to her that I can't be in any kind of relationship with someone who lies to me, trust has gone, it's nothing to do with the other guy, just because we were in a relationship doesn't mean I own her, but lying to me, says she didn't give a toss about what I said to her right at the beginning You were both on Fab with singles profiles... did you have a couples profile? How serious was this relationship? Did you come off fab to really get to know each other without Fab, nagging away at each others minds? If Its an open relationship then trust is the only thing you have, no one has to tell anyone anything, they just have to respect the sexual health of their partner.... Sorry OP, I don't understand the grounding in your relationship and therefore it has become impossible for me to comment further, its confusing and has rules that I can't comprehend. If I was in a relationship, even if I met someone through fab, I would say, look, I am coming off fab, because right now, you are the only girl I want to get to know, maybe we can go back as a couple... ...if the person I was in a relationship said "well I am staying on fab", I would probably see the writing on the wall. Again, I am sorry for your pain, truly, it sucks, its shit, no one likes lies or liars, but did you set impossible boundaries in your relationship?" We didn't meet through fab, and the one and only boundaries that were set were 1, violence of any kind, the relationship is over 2, lying of any kind, the relationship is over I don't think that either of those boundaries are impossible, if they are there is no hope for any of us is there | |||
"It's the lies, I've had enough liars to last me a lifetime, and I can't get my head round why she would lie about something she had permission to do anyway, it makes no sense. I can't always tell when someone is lying to me, so I need to feel that I can trust someone isn't going to lie to me before I can feel comfortable enough to take my walls down, I took my walls down for her, told her things that only a few people know about, deeply personal stuff, and she turned out to be someone who just doesn't care about the cost to my feelings, that her actions have caused, I was falling for her, fast, I thought she was the one, I was thinking the other day that she would never lie to me, I thought I had struck gold, yeah, fools gold, I'm such a twat, should know better at my age, well, I'm going to have pizza with my son for tea and build a huge hit wheels track, and when he goes to bed I'm going on Xbox to blow shit up, thanks for the therapy fab, " Sadly some people simply like the "excitement" of lying. There are also those, who have been shat on themselves so many times, they don't trust love/kindness, expecting the worse. What you mustn't do is close yourself off from meeting someone able and willing to have an open, honest relationship. She may have a different interpretation of events, doesn't really matter as it's your feelings being discussed. Most of us have been in your position at some point then we recognise we can't be saviours trying to fix the broken. In time you'll wonder what the fuss was about...until then it will suck. Good luck. | |||
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"Okay. Tin hat and flak jacket...... I don't get this. If you are a couple. Play and arrange meets as a couple (even if thats single meets). If you are two singles (living in separate houses), then why the "exclusivity/honesty" clause? I think (and I am sorry OP, this is a sweeping generalisation and not meant in a judgemental or derogatory way, just an opinion), I think that singles have a tendency to over-complicated Fab. If you meet a great single through Fab and you starting "walking out together", then personally, i would take some time off fab and enjoy that burgeoning part of the relationship, if you both agree at a later stage, come back as a couple. But if you were both "single" but FWB/FB or whatever, how can you ask anyone to hold to any request you ask to tell you before a meet? They are single....you are single, as long as you play within each others boundaries (safe sex or whatever) and you don't fib about that, its all good. The single women on Fab are independent and moreso than not, intelligent women, who, like the single guys, just want some physical fun once in a while. Yes some want relationships or more, and when they find that guy, they may well disappear, but asking them to change, when thats what attracts me/you to them in the first place, just for you/me, that seems a little selfish and you are changing what you adore about them I am sorry for your pain, OP, really I am, but see Fab for what it is, a group of people of a mind, that enjoy liberated moments with like minded peoples, if you connect with someone, both leave, come back maybe when you have really been "together" I hope your heart heals quick. Paul Our relationship was just a normal relationship, the only thing that I said to her that was a no no was lying to me, like I said before, I have no problem with her sleeping with someone else, but I hate being lied to, I made it clear to her that I can't be in any kind of relationship with someone who lies to me, trust has gone, it's nothing to do with the other guy, just because we were in a relationship doesn't mean I own her, but lying to me, says she didn't give a toss about what I said to her right at the beginning You were both on Fab with singles profiles... did you have a couples profile? How serious was this relationship? Did you come off fab to really get to know each other without Fab, nagging away at each others minds? If Its an open relationship then trust is the only thing you have, no one has to tell anyone anything, they just have to respect the sexual health of their partner.... Sorry OP, I don't understand the grounding in your relationship and therefore it has become impossible for me to comment further, its confusing and has rules that I can't comprehend. If I was in a relationship, even if I met someone through fab, I would say, look, I am coming off fab, because right now, you are the only girl I want to get to know, maybe we can go back as a couple... ...if the person I was in a relationship said "well I am staying on fab", I would probably see the writing on the wall. Again, I am sorry for your pain, truly, it sucks, its shit, no one likes lies or liars, but did you set impossible boundaries in your relationship? We didn't meet through fab, and the one and only boundaries that were set were 1, violence of any kind, the relationship is over 2, lying of any kind, the relationship is over I don't think that either of those boundaries are impossible, if they are there is no hope for any of us is there" I am sorry for chap; but I don't know enough based on your post or subsequent postings to make any other comments, I truly wish you well. Paul | |||
"It's the lies, I've had enough liars to last me a lifetime, and I can't get my head round why she would lie about something she had permission to do anyway, it makes no sense. I can't always tell when someone is lying to me, so I need to feel that I can trust someone isn't going to lie to me before I can feel comfortable enough to take my walls down, I took my walls down for her, told her things that only a few people know about, deeply personal stuff, and she turned out to be someone who just doesn't care about the cost to my feelings, that her actions have caused, I was falling for her, fast, I thought she was the one, I was thinking the other day that she would never lie to me, I thought I had struck gold, yeah, fools gold, I'm such a twat, should know better at my age, well, I'm going to have pizza with my son for tea and build a huge hit wheels track, and when he goes to bed I'm going on Xbox to blow shit up, thanks for the therapy fab, Sadly some people simply like the "excitement" of lying. There are also those, who have been shat on themselves so many times, they don't trust love/kindness, expecting the worse. What you mustn't do is close yourself off from meeting someone able and willing to have an open, honest relationship. She may have a different interpretation of events, doesn't really matter as it's your feelings being discussed. Most of us have been in your position at some point then we recognise we can't be saviours trying to fix the broken. In time you'll wonder what the fuss was about...until then it will suck. Good luck."
Sorry you feel crap OP. Hope you feel better soon. | |||
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"Okay. Tin hat and flak jacket...... I don't get this. If you are a couple. Play and arrange meets as a couple (even if thats single meets). If you are two singles (living in separate houses), then why the "exclusivity/honesty" clause? I think (and I am sorry OP, this is a sweeping generalisation and not meant in a judgemental or derogatory way, just an opinion), I think that singles have a tendency to over-complicated Fab. If you meet a great single through Fab and you starting "walking out together", then personally, i would take some time off fab and enjoy that burgeoning part of the relationship, if you both agree at a later stage, come back as a couple. But if you were both "single" but FWB/FB or whatever, how can you ask anyone to hold to any request you ask to tell you before a meet? They are single....you are single, as long as you play within each others boundaries (safe sex or whatever) and you don't fib about that, its all good. The single women on Fab are independent and moreso than not, intelligent women, who, like the single guys, just want some physical fun once in a while. Yes some want relationships or more, and when they find that guy, they may well disappear, but asking them to change, when thats what attracts me/you to them in the first place, just for you/me, that seems a little selfish and you are changing what you adore about them I am sorry for your pain, OP, really I am, but see Fab for what it is, a group of people of a mind, that enjoy liberated moments with like minded peoples, if you connect with someone, both leave, come back maybe when you have really been "together" I hope your heart heals quick. Paul Our relationship was just a normal relationship, the only thing that I said to her that was a no no was lying to me, like I said before, I have no problem with her sleeping with someone else, but I hate being lied to, I made it clear to her that I can't be in any kind of relationship with someone who lies to me, trust has gone, it's nothing to do with the other guy, just because we were in a relationship doesn't mean I own her, but lying to me, says she didn't give a toss about what I said to her right at the beginning You were both on Fab with singles profiles... did you have a couples profile? How serious was this relationship? Did you come off fab to really get to know each other without Fab, nagging away at each others minds? If Its an open relationship then trust is the only thing you have, no one has to tell anyone anything, they just have to respect the sexual health of their partner.... Sorry OP, I don't understand the grounding in your relationship and therefore it has become impossible for me to comment further, its confusing and has rules that I can't comprehend. If I was in a relationship, even if I met someone through fab, I would say, look, I am coming off fab, because right now, you are the only girl I want to get to know, maybe we can go back as a couple... ...if the person I was in a relationship said "well I am staying on fab", I would probably see the writing on the wall. Again, I am sorry for your pain, truly, it sucks, its shit, no one likes lies or liars, but did you set impossible boundaries in your relationship? We didn't meet through fab, and the one and only boundaries that were set were 1, violence of any kind, the relationship is over 2, lying of any kind, the relationship is over I don't think that either of those boundaries are impossible, if they are there is no hope for any of us is there I am sorry for chap; but I don't know enough based on your post or subsequent postings to make any other comments, I truly wish you well. Paul" you commented plenty already  | |||
"I washed about 10 pairs of black know knickers yesterday and dried them on the line. "Don't lie Tes, you don't own any pairs of knickers | |||
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"I washed about 10 pairs of black know knickers yesterday and dried them on the line. " | |||
"Not sure where your based old bean? But I'm happy to take you out on the beer and on the pull for some to Totty in the real world if you fancy it? "A small fishing village near Birmingham... Says on his posts | |||
"I washed about 10 pairs of black know knickers yesterday and dried them on the line. "I have only just twigged your meaning. | |||
"I washed about 10 pairs of black know knickers yesterday and dried them on the line.
I have only just twigged your meaning. "What does it mean? | |||
" We didn't meet through fab, and the one and only boundaries that were set were 1, violence of any kind, the relationship is over 2, lying of any kind, the relationship is over I don't think that either of those boundaries are impossible, if they are there is no hope for any of us is there" I remember your post when you found her and how excited you were - it is so sad. Apparently your agreement was impossible for her to keep to. I would rather people would not make any agreement they cannot honour, or protect people with lies that in the end damage them way more than the truth ever would have, but it seems to be the way of the world now. Maybe she wanted you so much she really thought she could do it, maybe she played you from the start, who knows. Talk to her, ask her why if only for your peace of mind, maybe she will tell you something you never anticipated. But bottom line if that is your line in the sand, there is nothing more you can do. Take care of yourself sweetie. x | |||
"I washed about 10 pairs of black know knickers yesterday and dried them on the line.
I have only just twigged your meaning.
What does it mean?"It's about doing your dirty washing in public | |||
"I washed about 10 pairs of black know knickers yesterday and dried them on the line.
I have only just twigged your meaning.
What does it mean?
It's about doing your dirty washing in public"But you're not. Or it could be said that 90% of threads are.  | |||
"Ok, I would be genuinely interested to hear what your thoughts on a perfectly reasonable explanation would be as to why she lied to me about something that she had "permission " to do. What possible reason could there be? Perhaps it was all my fault, maybe I did something that caused her to lie, it's all beyond me so maybe you could shed some light on it all for me" You're asking the wrong people,you need to ask her. Feelings are the work of the devil at times. | |||
"I washed about 10 pairs of black know knickers yesterday and dried them on the line.
I have only just twigged your meaning.
What does it mean?
It's about doing your dirty washing in public"Ah ok, well that wasn't very nice then | |||
"I washed about 10 pairs of black know knickers yesterday and dried them on the line.
I have only just twigged your meaning.
What does it mean?
It's about doing your dirty washing in public
But you're not.
Or it could be said that 90% of threads are. "I disagree - because the person who allegedly lied has no right of reply. We don't know her side at all. | |||
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"Ok, I would be genuinely interested to hear what your thoughts on a perfectly reasonable explanation would be as to why she lied to me about something that she had "permission " to do. What possible reason could there be? Perhaps it was all my fault, maybe I did something that caused her to lie, it's all beyond me so maybe you could shed some light on it all for me" For some people the lie is the thrill | |||
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"I had an open relationship for two years. He wanted to hear about my shenanigans and I found it very difficult to tell him (I don't like talking about sex to people) so I lied to him. No reason to, I just felt more comfortable lying to him than discussing something that was personal to me. Slightly different to the OP, as my ex was a huge liar himself, but maybe giving another perspective."
I was thinking along the same lines…this may have been why.
She may have had/have an (irrational) fear of upsetting or losing the OP-yes, I know it won't make sense…but that's irrationality for you  | |||
"I had an open relationship for two years. He wanted to hear about my shenanigans and I found it very difficult to tell him (I don't like talking about sex to people) so I lied to him. No reason to, I just felt more comfortable lying to him than discussing something that was personal to me. Slightly different to the OP, as my ex was a huge liar himself, but maybe giving another perspective.
I was thinking along the same lines…this may have been why.
She may have had/have an (irrational) fear of upsetting or losing the OP-yes, I know it won't make sense…but that's irrationality for you "A lot of people do that, and often it is a very real fear too, I can see both sides. | |||
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"Update: I've spoken to her, and the reason she has given for lying is that she changed her mind about being open in our relationship, but didn't know how to tell me. Ok, she's changed her mind about being open, but not about sleeping with other people, fair enough, and good luck with the future I say, but I won't be doing this shit again, I'm going to take a long hard look at my life and try to make some kind of sense of why this keeps happening to me. I'm just attracting the wrong type of women for me" Well good luck mate, and don't over analyse it, that way lies ruin. I will buy you a beer, next time my trawler stops by Brum | |||
"Update: I've spoken to her, and the reason she has given for lying is that she changed her mind about being open in our relationship, but didn't know how to tell me. Ok, she's changed her mind about being open, but not about sleeping with other people, fair enough, and good luck with the future I say, but I won't be doing this shit again, I'm going to take a long hard look at my life and try to make some kind of sense of why this keeps happening to me. I'm just attracting the wrong type of women for me" Why do you feel that you attract the wrong type of women? Sometimes when we do this we have to look at our own behaviour, trust me I've had to do it and when I have thought about it it's my behaviour that was attracting the wrong kind and the right kind were probably scared shitless...As Fred from first dates says there is someone out there for all of us....I learnt not to put pressure on someone especially in the beginnings of a relationship. OP don't be so hard on yourself and don't over think things.. | |||
"Update: I've spoken to her, and the reason she has given for lying is that she changed her mind about being open in our relationship, but didn't know how to tell me. Ok, she's changed her mind about being open, but not about sleeping with other people, fair enough, and good luck with the future I say, but I won't be doing this shit again, I'm going to take a long hard look at my life and try to make some kind of sense of why this keeps happening to me. I'm just attracting the wrong type of women for me Why do you feel that you attract the wrong type of women? Sometimes when we do this we have to look at our own behaviour, trust me I've had to do it and when I have thought about it it's my behaviour that was attracting the wrong kind and the right kind were probably scared shitless...As Fred from first dates says there is someone out there for all of us....I learnt not to put pressure on someone especially in the beginnings of a relationship. OP don't be so hard on yourself and don't over think things.. " That's pretty much what I said | |||
"Update: I've spoken to her, and the reason she has given for lying is that she changed her mind about being open in our relationship, but didn't know how to tell me. Ok, she's changed her mind about being open, but not about sleeping with other people, fair enough, and good luck with the future I say, but I won't be doing this shit again, I'm going to take a long hard look at my life and try to make some kind of sense of why this keeps happening to me. I'm just attracting the wrong type of women for me Why do you feel that you attract the wrong type of women? Sometimes when we do this we have to look at our own behaviour, trust me I've had to do it and when I have thought about it it's my behaviour that was attracting the wrong kind and the right kind were probably scared shitless...As Fred from first dates says there is someone out there for all of us....I learnt not to put pressure on someone especially in the beginnings of a relationship. OP don't be so hard on yourself and don't over think things.. That's pretty much what I said" K | |||
"Update: I've spoken to her, and the reason she has given for lying is that she changed her mind about being open in our relationship, but didn't know how to tell me. Ok, she's changed her mind about being open, but not about sleeping with other people, fair enough, and good luck with the future I say, but I won't be doing this shit again, I'm going to take a long hard look at my life and try to make some kind of sense of why this keeps happening to me. I'm just attracting the wrong type of women for me Why do you feel that you attract the wrong type of women? Sometimes when we do this we have to look at our own behaviour, trust me I've had to do it and when I have thought about it it's my behaviour that was attracting the wrong kind and the right kind were probably scared shitless...As Fred from first dates says there is someone out there for all of us....I learnt not to put pressure on someone especially in the beginnings of a relationship. OP don't be so hard on yourself and don't over think things.. That's pretty much what I said K "About taking a look at my life, the common denominator in the amount of times I've been fucked over and cheated on is me, there must be something in me, my personality or something, all I know is these relationships that I keep having are draining, and something has to give, because no matter what the reason is, I don't want to keep putting myself through this, I'd rather stay single, like I had resigned myself to before I met her | |||
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"Update: I've spoken to her, and the reason she has given for lying is that she changed her mind about being open in our relationship, but didn't know how to tell me. Ok, she's changed her mind about being open, but not about sleeping with other people, fair enough, and good luck with the future I say, but I won't be doing this shit again, I'm going to take a long hard look at my life and try to make some kind of sense of why this keeps happening to me. I'm just attracting the wrong type of women for me Why do you feel that you attract the wrong type of women? Sometimes when we do this we have to look at our own behaviour, trust me I've had to do it and when I have thought about it it's my behaviour that was attracting the wrong kind and the right kind were probably scared shitless...As Fred from first dates says there is someone out there for all of us....I learnt not to put pressure on someone especially in the beginnings of a relationship. OP don't be so hard on yourself and don't over think things.. That's pretty much what I said K
About taking a look at my life, the common denominator in the amount of times I've been fucked over and cheated on is me, there must be something in me, my personality or something, all I know is these relationships that I keep having are draining, and something has to give, because no matter what the reason is, I don't want to keep putting myself through this, I'd rather stay single, like I had resigned myself to before I met her"Sorry to hear this... Just focus on the great things.. like the brum.social in May x | |||
"Update: I've spoken to her, and the reason she has given for lying is that she changed her mind about being open in our relationship, but didn't know how to tell me. Ok, she's changed her mind about being open, but not about sleeping with other people, fair enough, and good luck with the future I say, but I won't be doing this shit again, I'm going to take a long hard look at my life and try to make some kind of sense of why this keeps happening to me. I'm just attracting the wrong type of women for me Why do you feel that you attract the wrong type of women? Sometimes when we do this we have to look at our own behaviour, trust me I've had to do it and when I have thought about it it's my behaviour that was attracting the wrong kind and the right kind were probably scared shitless...As Fred from first dates says there is someone out there for all of us....I learnt not to put pressure on someone especially in the beginnings of a relationship. OP don't be so hard on yourself and don't over think things.. That's pretty much what I said K
About taking a look at my life, the common denominator in the amount of times I've been fucked over and cheated on is me, there must be something in me, my personality or something, all I know is these relationships that I keep having are draining, and something has to give, because no matter what the reason is, I don't want to keep putting myself through this, I'd rather stay single, like I had resigned myself to before I met her
Sorry to hear this... Just focus on the great things.. like the brum.social in May x"I was looking forward to that, but I'm not sure if I'm going now, but that's probably just because I need to recharge the old battery | |||
"Update: I've spoken to her, and the reason she has given for lying is that she changed her mind about being open in our relationship, but didn't know how to tell me. Ok, she's changed her mind about being open, but not about sleeping with other people, fair enough, and good luck with the future I say, but I won't be doing this shit again, I'm going to take a long hard look at my life and try to make some kind of sense of why this keeps happening to me. I'm just attracting the wrong type of women for me Why do you feel that you attract the wrong type of women? Sometimes when we do this we have to look at our own behaviour, trust me I've had to do it and when I have thought about it it's my behaviour that was attracting the wrong kind and the right kind were probably scared shitless...As Fred from first dates says there is someone out there for all of us....I learnt not to put pressure on someone especially in the beginnings of a relationship. OP don't be so hard on yourself and don't over think things.. That's pretty much what I said K
About taking a look at my life, the common denominator in the amount of times I've been fucked over and cheated on is me, there must be something in me, my personality or something, all I know is these relationships that I keep having are draining, and something has to give, because no matter what the reason is, I don't want to keep putting myself through this, I'd rather stay single, like I had resigned myself to before I met her
Sorry to hear this... Just focus on the great things.. like the brum.social in May x
I was looking forward to that, but I'm not sure if I'm going now, but that's probably just because I need to recharge the old battery "Oh no was looking forward to meeting you. X | |||
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"Update: I've spoken to her, and the reason she has given for lying is that she changed her mind about being open in our relationship, but didn't know how to tell me. Ok, she's changed her mind about being open, but not about sleeping with other people, fair enough, and good luck with the future I say, but I won't be doing this shit again, I'm going to take a long hard look at my life and try to make some kind of sense of why this keeps happening to me. I'm just attracting the wrong type of women for me Why do you feel that you attract the wrong type of women? Sometimes when we do this we have to look at our own behaviour, trust me I've had to do it and when I have thought about it it's my behaviour that was attracting the wrong kind and the right kind were probably scared shitless...As Fred from first dates says there is someone out there for all of us....I learnt not to put pressure on someone especially in the beginnings of a relationship. OP don't be so hard on yourself and don't over think things.. That's pretty much what I said K
About taking a look at my life, the common denominator in the amount of times I've been fucked over and cheated on is me, there must be something in me, my personality or something, all I know is these relationships that I keep having are draining, and something has to give, because no matter what the reason is, I don't want to keep putting myself through this, I'd rather stay single, like I had resigned myself to before I met her
Sorry to hear this... Just focus on the great things.. like the brum.social in May x
I was looking forward to that, but I'm not sure if I'm going now, but that's probably just because I need to recharge the old battery
Oh no was looking forward to meeting you. X"It's over a month away, who knows | |||
"Update: I've spoken to her, and the reason she has given for lying is that she changed her mind about being open in our relationship, but didn't know how to tell me. Ok, she's changed her mind about being open, but not about sleeping with other people, fair enough, and good luck with the future I say, but I won't be doing this shit again, I'm going to take a long hard look at my life and try to make some kind of sense of why this keeps happening to me. I'm just attracting the wrong type of women for me" Ah the moving goal posts, shame. Always trust your intuition - we always know inside when actions do not match words. My royal marine ex had a saying 'The sniper cannot fire at you without revealing his position'. We can always use something like this to learn more about the patterns in our own life, and use it for our own growth if we have a mind to. I'll PM you some links later if you would like me too. Don't beat up on yourself, you gave it your best shot - forgive yourself, and her too, it really helps take the sting out. xx | |||
