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Can you be /Are you friends with your ex?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I'm sure I'm not alone in having an ex who can be difficult at times. We share custody, so have to communicate. One minute all is well - the next it's like world war 3 has started. I never involve the children or moan about him to them. But sometimes it's very hard to do. I know it's not their fault that we split though.
I keep thinking it won't be that long that I won't have to communicate with him any more. My life will be far less stressful. I'm always trying to keep the peace.
Do you and your ex get on? Or are you bitter enemies? I don't want this thread to turn into men v women. I'm hopeful I can be inspired that things might improve one day.
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"I'm sure I'm not alone in having an ex who can be difficult at times. We share custody, so have to communicate. One minute all is well - the next it's like world war 3 has started. I never involve the children or moan about him to them. But sometimes it's very hard to do. I know it's not their fault that we split though.
I keep thinking it won't be that long that I won't have to communicate with him any more. My life will be far less stressful. I'm always trying to keep the peace.
Do you and your ex get on? Or are you bitter enemies? I don't want this thread to turn into men v women. I'm hopeful I can be inspired that things might improve one day.
"
After a couple of years of separation he wanted me to be his chum again - I just looked at him with disbelief.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My ex husband lives in York so I don't see him but we have an amicable relationship.
I work with my most recent ex and we have a very good relationship still.
He is someone I can turn to in times of need (not sexually I hasten to add)
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We get on as well as we can. Neither of us are perfect & I'm sure I wind him up nearly as much as he does me. But we still have 2 children to co-parent for the next 8 years at least & will do our best for them. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I had to move to get away from my ex, and even though he knew the area I was moving to, I neither know nor care where he is. Even though we had a child together, in 5 years he has not bothered to seek him out. My son is very philosophical about it as am I, but I would rather not have the contact after all this time |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I am friends with my son's dad. My parents separated when I was 14. They never got on and as a child found the whole situation really traumatic. My mother estranged is from my dad and made his and our lives hell, and for absolutely no reason other than she was a vindictive cow. They won't be in the same room even 30 years on. It's pathetic! I swore I would never put my children through it if I split with their father so I didn't and even though at the beginning we didn't like each other very much, in front of our son we were always fine with each other and to this day are still friendly. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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By virtue of the fact that we don't talk, I'd say that my ex and I get on just fine. The divorce was anything but fun, but since then we've seen each other about 4 times face to face in the last 10 ish years.
Thankfully not had an impact on seeing my daughter as she already has her own place, so that's not been affected. |
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"I'm sure I'm not alone in having an ex who can be difficult at times. We share custody, so have to communicate. One minute all is well - the next it's like world war 3 has started. I never involve the children or moan about him to them. But sometimes it's very hard to do. I know it's not their fault that we split though.
I keep thinking it won't be that long that I won't have to communicate with him any more. My life will be far less stressful. I'm always trying to keep the peace.
Do you and your ex get on? Or are you bitter enemies? I don't want this thread to turn into men v women. I'm hopeful I can be inspired that things might improve one day.
"
Things will calm down eventually hopefully not too much damage has been done before you get to that stage, yes you share custody and have to communicate but this can be done indirectly via email or text not sure the arrangements or ages of the children you have but pick ups and drop offs can be done via a neutral venue for example i used to pick my daughter from school Friday drop her back Monday and when the school wasn't an option i'd have a family member or friend do the drop off (preferably use someone who the ex is ok with) because my situation wasn't that different to yours one day fine next day WW3 so took myself out of it.
Good luck not easy hopefully it will all,work out for you op |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm ok with my ex...she keeps intouch,we have a chat and a laugh.Every now and again she will phone to see if I'm in market for another girlfriend yet,if so she knows someone who would be perfect for me.Keep telling her I'm happy as I am.Her hearts in the right place though. |
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I think it's safe to say my ex wife worships the ground I'm going to but I don't waste my time in hating her back it was a different lifetime ago. On the other hand my ex who is my daughters mum is 1 of my best friends we just clashed when we was together. It's a funny old world |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm good friends with my husband even though we're separated.
Neither of us are desperate to divorce as we'd rather spend our money on other things.
I helped him find a flat, cleaned it & helped him sort all the furniture etc.
We have a young child & he stays between the two with no trouble at all!
I can't see us ever getting nasty towards each other. It tends to be his Mother that tries to cause issues xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm good friends with my husband even though we're separated.
Neither of us are desperate to divorce as we'd rather spend our money on other things.
I helped him find a flat, cleaned it & helped him sort all the furniture etc.
We have a young child & he stays between the two with no trouble at all!
I can't see us ever getting nasty towards each other. It tends to be his Mother that tries to cause issues xx "
Funny that. My mother was the same. I moved back into her house with my 3 yr old son when I split with my ex and 3 weeks later she threw us both out because I was still having contact with my ex for our son's sake. We don't have any contact with her any more. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We get on as well as we can. Neither of us are perfect & I'm sure I wind him up nearly as much as he does me. But we still have 2 children to co-parent for the next 8 years at least & will do our best for them. "
Same here! My ex can be a selfish arse at times - but I'm sure he thinks the same of me occasionally too! We loved each other enough to have two children together once - and that has to count for something!
Btw lovely - you won't be co-parenting for 8 years - you'll be co parenting for life!! Xx |
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"I'm sure I'm not alone in having an ex who can be difficult at times. We share custody, so have to communicate. One minute all is well - the next it's like world war 3 has started. I never involve the children or moan about him to them. But sometimes it's very hard to do. I know it's not their fault that we split though.
I keep thinking it won't be that long that I won't have to communicate with him any more. My life will be far less stressful. I'm always trying to keep the peace.
Do you and your ex get on? Or are you bitter enemies? I don't want this thread to turn into men v women. I'm hopeful I can be inspired that things might improve one day.
"
My ex-husband and I used to get on very well. We never missed an open evening, went to look at colleges and universities together, used to travel together when visiting our daughter at uni. I even had his mother one Christmas to give him a break, as he was her carer at the time.
We visited our eldest when she moved out of London together and his sons from a previous relationship were regular visitors to my home.
When the boys mum waw dying my daughters visited her in hospital and later the hospice with their husbands/partners. They were there supporting their brothers when she sadly passed away. That's how close we all were. He was the lynch pin, never once badmouthed his ex, always there for all his kids. His family would ask if we were divorced we were so close.
If fell apart after our son's death. We didn't grieve together. No one else was involved in our breakup that's why I think we remained close and raised five happy, confident, intelligent children. They were never able to play us off against each other as we were united.
Everything changed last year when he learnt I'd met someone and he moved in. Suddenly I was a desperate slut going to be used by someone only after my money and house. We didn’t talk for a year. The birth of our grandsons changed that and we're speaking again.
He's a monumental pain in the arse and become a bit of a hypochondriac but he's the father of my children, this year should have been our 35th wedding anniversary and he'll always have a piece of my heart...despite himself!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm good friends with my husband even though we're separated.
Neither of us are desperate to divorce as we'd rather spend our money on other things.
I helped him find a flat, cleaned it & helped him sort all the furniture etc.
We have a young child & he stays between the two with no trouble at all!
I can't see us ever getting nasty towards each other. It tends to be his Mother that tries to cause issues xx
Funny that. My mother was the same. I moved back into her house with my 3 yr old son when I split with my ex and 3 weeks later she threw us both out because I was still having contact with my ex for our son's sake. We don't have any contact with her any more."
That's sad!
If you have children & you can manage to get on then IMHO it's better for the kids x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Some, maybe 2 or 3 I've manged to stay sort of friends with. Really don't know what happened with my last one. We broke up last July. Didn't really see much of each other or talk. Then started hanging out again round the end of August on the condition that no one (me) gets their hopes up. She started cancelling dates and other things to hang out with me to the point where she was sleeping at mine every night again, smoking my green, arguing with me over which movie to watch etc. Then one day she decides she 'wants less' of me. That was November. Just completely changed personalities. No other guy involved because apprently she just 'can't be happy with one' guy. I haven't seen her since the 18th December when I got keys off her to feed her cat whe she was away for the rest of the month. Barely spoken to me. I pointed the other week that clearly were not friends and she says nothing. This girl was in my life eveyday for 3 years, even when I said I needed a bit of space coz the only time I get time to myself is my journey back from work. All I ever did was be friends with her, show her that I'm here for her but she just fucked off. That is the worst I have ever been treated and so I think, even after she realised she's been a dick, I don't want her around. We could have carried on as friends quite happily but obviously something changed in her. Sorry for the long boring story. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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i have kids with 2 guys.
one ex is fairly reasonable most of the time and we do get on. i have no problems with him and we share 50/50 custody of the kids because he actually cares about his kids and pretty much puts them first, like any normal parent would. i would class us as friends and we emotionally and financially support each other, and can discuss stuff. he has even taken on one of my kids with the other ex i have kids with.
one of my boyfriends had a problem with me and that ex being friends, he is now an ex also and i'm not friends with him.
now...my other ex has neglected his sons. never paid for anything for them. treated me like crap and also his kids because he didn't like me. i would have been totally happy for him to stay out of their life forever tbh. a few years ago he decided he was coming back into their life longer term (he pops in and out for a few weeks at a time when he can be bothered, then nothing again for months) and this was so he could control me. it didn't work as i refuse to speak to him or really acknowledge, google 'no contact' and 'grey rock' for an idea of how i am with him. this ex has also been diagnosed as a sociopath, amongst other things.
you can be friends only with reasonable people who respect you and your boundaries. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My ex and I don't get on. But I keep trying for the sake of my daughter.
My parents divorced when I was 8 and are still friends. I wish my ex and I could be more like that and it saddens me that we can't.
But whilst he refuses to put her needs first we will argue! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Wife 1 - we are civil with each other
Wife 2 - we are good friends
Wife 3 - would kill me/remove little Dr Prod if we ever crossed paths, luckily we haven't since the annulment
Wife 4 - we are friends
I'm still friendly with a couple of ex-girlfriends who I have stumbled across on Facebook and have had purely platonic drinks/meals with a few of them |
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Me n my ex got on well till Jan 1st wen he turned up to mine wanting me back n things to go back to normal as he wasn't happy n missed me n wanted the family life back .. But me being the stubborn bitch I am told him no n that I was happy as i am being single "can shop wen I want n enjoy time alone n not have to clear up after his mess or fight his battles against him n ex n his daughter" single life for me now all the way .. It wud have to take someone special to break this n be with me xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I get on really well with my ex, to the point we all go out in a big group of friends, ads even comes with us when he is down. Yeah it very odd situation but it works for us.
We've had ups and downs over the past 18 months, we've both said some hurtful things but ultimately we are still friends, although he did mess around with someone at the end of our marriage and I knew about it, it wasn't the reason we split, we just grew apart as husband and wife.
Someone I know looks disgusted with me that me and the ex still gets on and basically she thinks we should be at each other's throats but what's the point of that?
The kids are fine with this arrangement, they know and have met ads on a number of occasions and they know we are just friends, they aren't under an liuisions that me and their dad will ever get back together
G x |
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By *uxom redCouple
over a year ago
Shrewsbury |
Dick and his ex get on well.
Me and my ex husband is a different story he goes out of his way to be awkward and cause trouble... His new wife my ex best friend is also just as bad. They ate trying to destroy my relationship with my children. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My ex is fairly local... We have kids that spend time with both of us. It's several years since we parted. If there were no kids we would not see each other I guess. I was the jilted party....I always have a place in my heart for her...we actually get on well really...she is the distant one...I tend to think she has to be....or it will show what is clear....she gave the best of guys away. I recently saw a pic of her with her new guy....ugly fucker...so she really must like him. ...not that I'm a looker...I'm not...! She made a bad call...I'm sure of that tho... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I try and will always try even though it's hard bloody work . Our children are in their teens and they have huge problems with him and his wife !!!! . I don't understand anyone being jealous of children from ex relationships . My ex needs to grow some balls and take his head out of his wives arse and appreciate everything he has .  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I bumped into to my ex a couple weeks back, was bit awkward but at least her head didn't damage my new car. Should never walk behind a reversing car silly girl |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yes I get on great with my ex. We get on better, talk more and do more for each other as friends than what we did as a couple "
ironically called queen of tease lol  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We didn't always get on, especially just before and after we split. But now we're fine. She has moved on, I am doing the same and it works... kids stay with me regularly and they are happy. |
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Mr here is still very much in contact,in fact we are business partners and talk many times a day... Still very much my best friend, someone I can talk to about anything..
Mrs here is perfectly OK with this, they get on great!
It all depends on what led the the break up in the first place... For us, we drifted apart. No Malice, no cheating.
We get along better now! Lol
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Yes I do. We split over 6 years ago as we had grown apart. We had a 4-year old boy and wanted to make it as easy as possible for him to accept the situation.
We had a few problems here and there initially but we stuck at it and now we are the best of mates. We talk and share problems and both of us have been a trusted shoulder to cry on when needed.
My son now gets the best of us both as we have quality time with him and also time to do our own hobbies. We sometimes even go out as a family.
Some people find it a bit weird, and I've had girlfriends who found it a threat, but it works for us all and our son has grown up into a lovely young man now  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yes I get on great with my ex. We get on better, talk more and do more for each other as friends than what we did as a couple ironically called queen of tease lol "
That's my persona on here not in real life  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Has to be better to keep the frienship if possible, as it'd be a shame to lose the frienship.
Can't always be amicable with my babymama, have to be persistent though. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We communicate when we need to. The children are adults now, my daughter got married couple of years ago, so we were polite and got on with the day. My partner lothes her! But strangely, I get on great with her new husband! Lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have one ex that I wouldn't speak to but she is the exception. Most of my exes I'm still in some sort of contact with. I'm not a great fan of animosity. Most of my relationships have failed because of both people, not just one. I'm not going to hate someone just because I break up with them, there are always good memories too and I;d rather focus on them |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yes i am now, my ex husband and I didn't get along when we separated but kept it civil for the kids. However a couple of years in, we've both moved on and chilled a bit, I can now chat to him like normal and we chat regularly, mainly about the kids, but we have a friendly co-parenting arrangement |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It all really depends.
The irony is that while I still got on with one former partner - well until she got into a relationship with a controlling arsehole, I don't get on with the ex whom I have children with and whom I have to have contact with. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yes i am now, my ex husband and I didn't get along when we separated but kept it civil for the kids. However a couple of years in, we've both moved on and chilled a bit, I can now chat to him like normal and we chat regularly, mainly about the kids, but we have a friendly co-parenting arrangement "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm sure I'm not alone in having an ex who can be difficult at times. We share custody, so have to communicate. One minute all is well - the next it's like world war 3 has started. I never involve the children or moan about him to them. But sometimes it's very hard to do. I know it's not their fault that we split though.
I keep thinking it won't be that long that I won't have to communicate with him any more. My life will be far less stressful. I'm always trying to keep the peace.
Do you and your ex get on? Or are you bitter enemies? I don't want this thread to turn into men v women. I'm hopeful I can be inspired that things might improve one day.
"
Maybe when the kids have grown up and have minds of their own so you don't have to keep up the false pretence |
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
I love everyone I have ever loved before. I don't like many of them anymore though.
Last year I would have answered that it is possible to be friends but I have been looking at what those friendships mean and I'm not sure they are friends. They sit in some other category that is more than acquaintance but friend isn't the right word.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Every woman I've loved will always have a piece of my heart. I'm not the bitter vindictive point scoring type. When it's over I have a real desire to keep things in context and as amicable as possible.
As a result I get on with my ex's even though I wouldn't necessarily use the word friendship. |
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Absolutely, yes! I am still friends with all of my ex partners, from short term relationships to long term. I wouldn't have it any other way, whatever the reason was for breaking up. Life is too short to my on to negative emotions.
As for getting back with an ex, that happened too, after 2 years together, 5 years apart when they were with someone else, but we got back together last October and still going strong, contrary to popular belief that it shouldn't happen. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yes it is possible. I was with my ex for 25 years and split a few years back and we get on extremely well. We even go for dinner together but only if the kids are there x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm sure I'm not alone in having an ex who can be difficult at times. We share custody, so have to communicate. One minute all is well - the next it's like world war 3 has started. I never involve the children or moan about him to them. But sometimes it's very hard to do. I know it's not their fault that we split though.
I keep thinking it won't be that long that I won't have to communicate with him any more. My life will be far less stressful. I'm always trying to keep the peace.
Do you and your ex get on? Or are you bitter enemies? I don't want this thread to turn into men v women. I'm hopeful I can be inspired that things might improve one day.
"
Sadly my experience is the opposite. When I first split with my ex we made every effort to be civilised for the kids sake, even had family days out together. 5 years after the split we were better friends than we ever were married, then suddenly, for no reason either me or the kids understand she turned against me and now once again hates me with a passion. I find it sad only because it upsets the kids who are now old enough to make decisions about who is at fault. |
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Splitting with my ex was the best thing that could happen to our relationship, we now get along better than ever. we only have any contact for matters involving our son there's no arguments or I'll will between us and can sit in a room and have a joke. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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For me the answer is yes we've been separated for almost 4 years now and got on great, my eldest daughter is moving to Oz in November so we're all going out to visit her together.... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My ex and I are best friends, I think because we always were more friends than lovers our relationship improved when we realised we were probably forcing the physical stuff.
We don't have kids though so I can see how that would make things more difficult. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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other than the ex husband I am friends with all my ex's (don't have that many). But I'm not bitter with the ex husband we don't even talk. I guess I'm lucky I don't have kids with any of them so it's easier for me to stay friends with them or cut them out my life completely. |
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We don't keep in touch but always be courteous when we bumped into each other. We even, once, ended going out shopping and have coffee. After years of living together, we know what not to do/say to piss the other off and try to enjoy the rare occasions when we do accidentally meet. Glad to say that both of us have moved on. |
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"I have no ex, Im married but we only speak about parental stuff (our parents), that is. Thats pretty much it communication wise, so if he was my ex, the answer would be no "
can you remember the reason you both got together? |
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I have girlfriends that are friends with theirs after 15+ years apart however I'm certainly not friendly with mine, fortunately there's no children involved.
I appreciate the 'live and let live' or 'life's too short' but he made the last 5 years of our life together an absolute misery for me. |
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