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fet scene, swingers scene combo...
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By *uzy444 OP Woman
over a year ago
in the suffolk countryside |
"how do you, or would you, go about combining the two?
Try the Freakers Ball at Xtasia - just about bang on  "
thankyou, i suppose i was thinking more about the fact that swinging is mainly about nsa sex and fet is more about trust and exploring boundaries..especially say in a D/s, or bondage situation.
swinging to me is fun, but doesnt fulfill my'other side' but the D/s doesnt fulfill the group and women side of my desires either..well not yet....
is this because im not in an 'ipen relationship that allows for both?..is is just more difficult as a single to get both aspects satisfied? |
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By *uzy444 OP Woman
over a year ago
in the suffolk countryside |
"how do you, or would you, go about combining the two?
Try the Freakers Ball at Xtasia - just about bang on
You beat me to it "
ill be honest i didnt like Xtasia when i went..i didnt like the comments i received from the staff and for someone who is very friendly and doesnt sit in the corner..for me to find myself thus, put me off...i left just after midnight...unheard of for me..just my experience x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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For me it's easier. I can do both with my wife.
For you, trust is built slowly. Make social connections, find the right Dom or sub and communicate your ass off. There are lots of kinky scenes that require multiple participants
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Both scenes in my experience generically have a negative view of the other.
BDSM events avoid sex for two reasons
1) Some BDSM are borderline illegal and so promoters are very cautious as to licensing laws of venues they are using, ie with regard to public nudity and sex acts
2)Consent. You see a female "resisting" during a gangbang in a swing club you presume it needs to stop as consent is being withdrawn. In a BDSM club I would check with the DM as to whether the people involved where known to them, that this was their choice of play, or that the DM had cleared the scene in advance.
Specific events do successfully combine the two elements but they tend to be carefully managed to avoid expectation mismatches in the attendees. |
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By *uzy444 OP Woman
over a year ago
in the suffolk countryside |
"Both scenes in my experience generically have a negative view of the other.
BDSM events avoid sex for two reasons
1) Some BDSM are borderline illegal and so promoters are very cautious as to licensing laws of venues they are using, ie with regard to public nudity and sex acts
2)Consent. You see a female "resisting" during a gangbang in a swing club you presume it needs to stop as consent is being withdrawn. In a BDSM club I would check with the DM as to whether the people involved where known to them, that this was their choice of play, or that the DM had cleared the scene in advance.
Specific events do successfully combine the two elements but they tend to be carefully managed to avoid expectation mismatches in the attendees."
thankyou for this information..i really was not talking about 'events' rather than the combining of dymanics, due to personal preference..
for example do you look in the fet scene for a Dom who will swing..or in the swinger scene for someone who wants a D/s developing 'relationship'..etc etc..how would someone looking for both, go about finding it...has anyone done it? |
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By *uzy444 OP Woman
over a year ago
in the suffolk countryside |
"For most people I believe the Fetish and Swinging sides are difficult to combine at events, you one type of event or the other.
Some lucky couples are able to combine both but it isn't easy. "
i dont know most swingers clubs ive been too have furniture, might not suit all fetishes..but it suits mine |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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@ Suzy
You have asked a very complicated question to be answered easily in a forum where you get snapshots of opinion.
I have been in a couple of LTR swing/Ds dynamics and it can work very well so if you would like a long chat then feel free to message me |
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By *uzy444 OP Woman
over a year ago
in the suffolk countryside |
"Come to the Kage at partners in bury the best fetish/swingers crossover event you will find last Sunday afternoon of every month . "
thankyou for the invite..now if i could find it on the 'club' list..... |
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By *uzy444 OP Woman
over a year ago
in the suffolk countryside |
"@ Suzy
You have asked a very complicated question to be answered easily in a forum where you get snapshots of opinion.
I have been in a couple of LTR swing/Ds dynamics and it can work very well so if you would like a long chat then feel free to message me"
thankyou x |
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By *eavenNhellCouple
over a year ago
carrbrook stalybridge |
"Come to the Kage at partners in bury the best fetish/swingers crossover event you will find last Sunday afternoon of every month .
thankyou for the invite..now if i could find it on the 'club' list....."
look up partners club Bury kage is held last Sunday of every month 1-8pm £12 entry |
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By *uzy444 OP Woman
over a year ago
in the suffolk countryside |
"Come to the Kage at partners in bury the best fetish/swingers crossover event you will find last Sunday afternoon of every month .
thankyou for the invite..now if i could find it on the 'club' list.....look up partners club Bury kage is held last Sunday of every month 1-8pm £12 entry "
darn it..its in Manchester..not in Bury (st Edmunds) thats a four and half hour drive for me |
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"how do you, or would you, go about combining the two?
Try the Freakers Ball at Xtasia - just about bang on "
I've not been involved in the fet scene much but I really did love the freakers ball at Xtasia. Going to the next one at the end of May.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
thankyou, i suppose i was thinking more about the fact that swinging is mainly about nsa sex and fet is more about trust and exploring boundaries..especially say in a D/s, or bondage situation.
swinging to me is fun, but doesnt fulfill my'other side' but the D/s doesnt fulfill the group and women side of my desires either..well not yet....
is this because im not in an 'ipen relationship that allows for both?..is is just more difficult as a single to get both aspects satisfied?"
Like you say if you were in a D/s relationship that allowed group play and meeting other ladies, you'd cover all needs. That's how we work - as it suits us both and what we both enjoy.
After reading the above, I'm adding The Freakers Ball to our to do list.
Sarah
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By *eavenNhellCouple
over a year ago
carrbrook stalybridge |
"Come to the Kage at partners in bury the best fetish/swingers crossover event you will find last Sunday afternoon of every month .
thankyou for the invite..now if i could find it on the 'club' list.....look up partners club Bury kage is held last Sunday of every month 1-8pm £12 entry
darn it..its in Manchester..not in Bury (st Edmunds) thats a four and half hour drive for me"
come up make a weekend of it there's plenty do |
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By *uzy444 OP Woman
over a year ago
in the suffolk countryside |
"
thankyou, i suppose i was thinking more about the fact that swinging is mainly about nsa sex and fet is more about trust and exploring boundaries..especially say in a D/s, or bondage situation.
swinging to me is fun, but doesnt fulfill my'other side' but the D/s doesnt fulfill the group and women side of my desires either..well not yet....
is this because im not in an 'ipen relationship that allows for both?..is is just more difficult as a single to get both aspects satisfied?
Like you say if you were in a D/s relationship that allowed group play and meeting other ladies, you'd cover all needs. That's how we work - as it suits us both and what we both enjoy.
After reading the above, I'm adding The Freakers Ball to our to do list.
Sarah
"
yes this did you guys meet at either, or were you together before you started playing on either scene? x thankyou..i know it can be found now..youve made me very happy xx |
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I've managed to nail it. As a Domme and swinger, wanted to create an event that combined the two. We've had two events now and both have been successful.
I sing, play a few games and actively encourage people to interact, get rid of cliqueyness and the zombie wanking squad. Seems to work.
Submission, every second Friday at Le Boudoir. Come on down  |
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Depends on how you do both, while for some nsa swinging is very superficial, you can have connections where there is a build up of trust with the parties that will allow BDSM play, and some in the BDSM scene swing or have open relationships. It is obviously harder to find as your looking for people who are active in both scenes.
There are people on here into BDSM (like us ) and if you go to a fetish lifestyle social media site that I can't name on here you will find groups about everything, including poly and swinging with BDSM elements. |
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By *uzy444 OP Woman
over a year ago
in the suffolk countryside |
"Depends on how you do both, while for some nsa swinging is very superficial, you can have connections where there is a build up of trust with the parties that will allow BDSM play, and some in the BDSM scene swing or have open relationships. It is obviously harder to find as your looking for people who are active in both scenes.
There are people on here into BDSM (like us ) and if you go to a fetish lifestyle social media site that I can't name on here you will find groups about everything, including poly and swinging with BDSM elements. "
i am there x |
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By *uzy444 OP Woman
over a year ago
in the suffolk countryside |
"I've managed to nail it. As a Domme and swinger, wanted to create an event that combined the two. We've had two events now and both have been successful.
I sing, play a few games and actively encourage people to interact, get rid of cliqueyness and the zombie wanking squad. Seems to work.
Submission, every second Friday at Le Boudoir. Come on down "
thankyou..sounds great x |
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By *eavenNhellCouple
over a year ago
carrbrook stalybridge |
"Depends on how you do both, while for some nsa swinging is very superficial, you can have connections where there is a build up of trust with the parties that will allow BDSM play, and some in the BDSM scene swing or have open relationships. It is obviously harder to find as your looking for people who are active in both scenes.
There are people on here into BDSM (like us ) and if you go to a fetish lifestyle social media site that I can't name on here you will find groups about everything, including poly and swinging with BDSM elements.
i am there x"
if you look on there The Kage has its own group |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've managed to nail it. As a Domme and swinger, wanted to create an event that combined the two. We've had two events now and both have been successful.
I sing, play a few games and actively encourage people to interact, get rid of cliqueyness and the zombie wanking squad. Seems to work.
Submission, every second Friday at Le Boudoir. Come on down "
Do Subversion still put nights on there? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I was given a very rare opportunity 7 years ago to turn my choices ( my kinks and sexually) into a lifestyle when I started a relationship with Mr Tats.
Have you considered a total lifestyle change, or would you want to just keep your choices to events and clubs ? X
|
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By *uzy444 OP Woman
over a year ago
in the suffolk countryside |
"I was given a very rare opportunity 7 years ago to turn my choices ( my kinks and sexually) into a lifestyle when I started a relationship with Mr Tats.
Have you considered a total lifestyle change, or would you want to just keep your choices to events and clubs ? X
"
i have considered it very carefully over last few months..i want the relationship as a primary partner lifestyle, with others and swinging/ parties allowed within that relationship (together and possibly alone..a 'loaned out' scenario) |
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"I've managed to nail it. As a Domme and swinger, wanted to create an event that combined the two. We've had two events now and both have been successful.
I sing, play a few games and actively encourage people to interact, get rid of cliqueyness and the zombie wanking squad. Seems to work.
Submission, every second Friday at Le Boudoir. Come on down
Do Subversion still put nights on there?"
They don't, no |
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I would suggest finding a good Dom first and building that relationship.
Then, if you wanted to swing or just explore other desires, as a good Dom he would see that your needs were met.
Quite hard to turn a casual swinger into a good Dom without it taking a long time. |
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By *HaRiFMan
over a year ago
Beyond the shadows. |
having started in one and moved across to the other. I notice that there a quite a few people around with a foot in each camp. So I should imagine it might not be that hard combining the two. |
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By *ndykinkyMan
over a year ago
STOKE-ON-TRENT |
"having started in one and moved across to the other. I notice that there a quite a few people around with a foot in each camp. So I should imagine it might not be that hard combining the two."
I have a foot in both camps to and friends un both. I wish it was as easy to combine both but from my experience it is a lot more difficult than you would expect.
Some Fetish play would scare swingers, yes some sensual rope play, wax play maybe cuffs and pinwheels would be O.K. maybe but more intense things are more difficult to get used to. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"how do you, or would you, go about combining the two?
Try the Freakers Ball at Xtasia - just about bang on
You beat me to it
ill be honest i didnt like Xtasia when i went..i didnt like the comments i received from the staff and for someone who is very friendly and doesnt sit in the corner..for me to find myself thus, put me off...i left just after midnight...unheard of for me..just my experience x"
I don't underst your comments about the staff at Xtasia......I, and many others I know, have always found them to be amongst the best...they have time for everyone in my experience. And Xtasia do hold many events catering for swingers and for the Fet scene. And lots of other events for all kinds of "tastes" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"how do you, or would you, go about combining the two?
Try the Freakers Ball at Xtasia - just about bang on
thankyou, i suppose i was thinking more about the fact that swinging is mainly about nsa sex and fet is more about trust and exploring boundaries..especially say in a D/s, or bondage situation.
swinging to me is fun, but doesnt fulfill my'other side' but the D/s doesnt fulfill the group and women side of my desires either..well not yet....
is this because im not in an 'ipen relationship that allows for both?..is is just more difficult as a single to get both aspects satisfied?"
My partner and I manage both quite easily. We are fetishists who enjoy swinging.
Swinging isn't really about NSA for me, it's about sex with multiple people - especially in front of others. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Good to see that there a lot of people that do both. I'm still quite new to both scenes and it's very apparent that there are some kinksters that I have met turn their noses up at swingers and vice versa. |
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By *uzy444 OP Woman
over a year ago
in the suffolk countryside |
"I would suggest finding a good Dom first and building that relationship.
Then, if you wanted to swing or just explore other desires, as a good Dom he would see that your needs were met.
Quite hard to turn a casual swinger into a good Dom without it taking a long time. "
thank you, this was my initial thoughts and direction on the matter x |
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By *uzy444 OP Woman
over a year ago
in the suffolk countryside |
"having started in one and moved across to the other. I notice that there a quite a few people around with a foot in each camp. So I should imagine it might not be that hard combining the two."
commitment to the D/s part of it is the hardest part to find..in my experience x |
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By *uzy444 OP Woman
over a year ago
in the suffolk countryside |
"having started in one and moved across to the other. I notice that there a quite a few people around with a foot in each camp. So I should imagine it might not be that hard combining the two.
I have a foot in both camps to and friends un both. I wish it was as easy to combine both but from my experience it is a lot more difficult than you would expect.
Some Fetish play would scare swingers, yes some sensual rope play, wax play maybe cuffs and pinwheels would be O.K. maybe but more intense things are more difficult to get used to."
|
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By *uzy444 OP Woman
over a year ago
in the suffolk countryside |
"how do you, or would you, go about combining the two?
Try the Freakers Ball at Xtasia - just about bang on
You beat me to it
ill be honest i didnt like Xtasia when i went..i didnt like the comments i received from the staff and for someone who is very friendly and doesnt sit in the corner..for me to find myself thus, put me off...i left just after midnight...unheard of for me..just my experience x
I don't underst your comments about the staff at Xtasia......I, and many others I know, have always found them to be amongst the best...they have time for everyone in my experience. And Xtasia do hold many events catering for swingers and for the Fet scene. And lots of other events for all kinds of "tastes""
maybe you dont understand and maybe i should have kept my mouth shut. however that was my experience and my impression..i appreciate other people may totally disagree with me and i wish them loads of fun wherever they go xx |
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By *uzy444 OP Woman
over a year ago
in the suffolk countryside |
"how do you, or would you, go about combining the two?
Try the Freakers Ball at Xtasia - just about bang on
thankyou, i suppose i was thinking more about the fact that swinging is mainly about nsa sex and fet is more about trust and exploring boundaries..especially say in a D/s, or bondage situation.
swinging to me is fun, but doesnt fulfill my'other side' but the D/s doesnt fulfill the group and women side of my desires either..well not yet....
is this because im not in an 'ipen relationship that allows for both?..is is just more difficult as a single to get both aspects satisfied?
My partner and I manage both quite easily. We are fetishists who enjoy swinging.
Swinging isn't really about NSA for me, it's about sex with multiple people - especially in front of others."
this..its about that opportunity of experiences with multiple people..i totally get that statement..thank you x |
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By *uzy444 OP Woman
over a year ago
in the suffolk countryside |
"My wife attends fetish events but not me. I don't like the formality and theatre of them."
whatever works for you both..im glad you understand and caccept one another..thats what its all about isnt it? xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My wife attends fetish events but not me. I don't like the formality and theatre of them.
whatever works for you both..im glad you understand and caccept one another..thats what its all about isnt it? xx"
Maybe a little, but mostly it's about blowjobs. |
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By *uzy444 OP Woman
over a year ago
in the suffolk countryside |
"Good to see that there a lot of people that do both. I'm still quite new to both scenes and it's very apparent that there are some kinksters that I have met turn their noses up at swingers and vice versa. "
is it? people like what they like.politics is everywhere. i just would like to do what i want to do and not worry about what other people are doing.
i just wanted the imput that wanting my cake and eating it, so to speak, was not impossible to find for people.gleaning insight and experience is helpful...communication helps, with others with similar experiences. i appreciate that you exploring will run you into many many different groups, experiences and people..may your journey through it all be safe and fun x |
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By *uzy444 OP Woman
over a year ago
in the suffolk countryside |
"My wife attends fetish events but not me. I don't like the formality and theatre of them.
whatever works for you both..im glad you understand and caccept one another..thats what its all about isnt it? xx
Maybe a little, but mostly it's about blowjobs."
 we aere all entiled to our preferences |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Good to see that there a lot of people that do both. I'm still quite new to both scenes and it's very apparent that there are some kinksters that I have met turn their noses up at swingers and vice versa.
is it? people like what they like.politics is everywhere. i just would like to do what i want to do and not worry about what other people are doing.
i just wanted the imput that wanting my cake and eating it, so to speak, was not impossible to find for people.gleaning insight and experience is helpful...communication helps, with others with similar experiences. i appreciate that you exploring will run you into many many different groups, experiences and people..may your journey through it all be safe and fun x"
Thanks. Same to you. I don't let it bother me. It'd just a shame that so called open minded people aren't very open minded at all. It's their loss. X |
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By *uzy444 OP Woman
over a year ago
in the suffolk countryside |
"Good to see that there a lot of people that do both. I'm still quite new to both scenes and it's very apparent that there are some kinksters that I have met turn their noses up at swingers and vice versa.
is it? people like what they like.politics is everywhere. i just would like to do what i want to do and not worry about what other people are doing.
i just wanted the imput that wanting my cake and eating it, so to speak, was not impossible to find for people.gleaning insight and experience is helpful...communication helps, with others with similar experiences. i appreciate that you exploring will run you into many many different groups, experiences and people..may your journey through it all be safe and fun x
Thanks. Same to you. I don't let it bother me. It'd just a shame that so called open minded people aren't very open minded at all. It's their loss. X"
i understand from my life experience that i brought my sense of freedom with me, coming to both scenes, however some people find their freedom in these scenes, and that, is ok too.. it that sense we are all equal, because we all embrace freedoms..which can only be a good thing xx be happy x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"having started in one and moved across to the other. I notice that there a quite a few people around with a foot in each camp. So I should imagine it might not be that hard combining the two.
I have a foot in both camps to and friends un both. I wish it was as easy to combine both but from my experience it is a lot more difficult than you would expect.
Some Fetish play would scare swingers, yes some sensual rope play, wax play maybe cuffs and pinwheels would be O.K. maybe but more intense things are more difficult to get used to. "
I think this is true. My partner and I have even had complaints about our play at fetish events - the one that stands out was when one of my partners knelt on my head to stop me from moving while he was doing something. Apparently ropes are ok to stop people moving, but using body parts isn't... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Visit the Shed of Dread. oh ?? care to elaborate? x"
A northants private venue that I have frequented. A very interesting combination of swinging and fetish. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We are in both but find that on both sides others can be judgemental..
There are some places that I mixes nicely but mostly we find bdsm is subtle in swing settings and its amazing when you have a moment that only those into bdsm beyond whips and spanking would notice x |
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In my experience the scenes are quite different but there are definitely enough people in both camps that overlap to get all your "swinky" mind desires.
In bdsm...there is a heavy focus on deep trust, power exchange and control. For some this means being owned...and monogamously. But fear not, for some it means controlling her sexuality...making her please others...showing off his possession and ability to "make you". And for yet others it means polyamory and the power of having many. These latter two open up things for your swingy side.
In swinging...she is most often in charge...she's the muse..its all about pleasing her (don't tell anyone but it is in bdsm too...we just pretend the domliest dom that ever did dom has the upper hand). It's a little more difficult to have a sense of power and control there. But again fear not...just search for men with SM ...and you will find dominant men for at least a more submissive form of play( probably a bit casual though).
Both sides have hedonists that will do plenty of things quite well for a good fix..but probably not get too deep.
So i'd come in from the bdsm side...if you have things you want to give up...but only after a lot of trust. If you just want to enjoy some acts...temporarily..and don't have some walls up...then knock yourself out with fab men with SM interests.
Regards
K
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We dabble on both sides and have generally found, most people friendly... However, as with all things in life, you always bump into the odd one, who because something is not for them - MUST let you know... Even if they're not involved  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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This is a hard one .. i was in a situation with a fet girlfriend me a swinger .. she didn't have sex but got off on the kink .. i stopped having sex etc only with her but i tryed to find a common ground .. i failed but learned a lot and freakers ball or cirque de chaos is the place to forfill your questions xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
In swinging...she is most often in charge...she's the muse..its all about pleasing her (don't tell anyone but it is in bdsm too...we just pretend the domliest dom that ever did dom has the upper hand).
"
I love this comment and completely agree.
Sarah |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Both scenes in my experience generically have a negative view of the other.
BDSM events avoid sex for two reasons
1) Some BDSM are borderline illegal and so promoters are very cautious as to licensing laws of venues they are using, ie with regard to public nudity and sex acts
2)Consent. You see a female "resisting" during a gangbang in a swing club you presume it needs to stop as consent is being withdrawn. In a BDSM club I would check with the DM as to whether the people involved where known to them, that this was their choice of play, or that the DM had cleared the scene in advance.
Specific events do successfully combine the two elements but they tend to be carefully managed to avoid expectation mismatches in the attendees.
thankyou for this information..i really was not talking about 'events' rather than the combining of dymanics, due to personal preference..
for example do you look in the fet scene for a Dom who will swing..or in the swinger scene for someone who wants a D/s developing 'relationship'..etc etc..how would someone looking for both, go about finding it...has anyone done it?"
My Sir chatted to me on Fab while I was with a 'wannabe Dom' who had no clear idea of safety or standards to be a Dom. He got worried about me one night and through general chatting got my address. He turned up at my door and we chatted in person for ages and something instantly clicked between us. I have been his sub since that day and am now collared & registered as owned by him. The reason Sir is on this site is that he is Polyamorous and I am one third of the relationship, his sadist being the other third. We both serve the differing needs he has and he is also able to see others if he wishes to. He encouraged me to do the same but I have since discovered that I can't actually do this comfortably partly due to me identifying as Demisexual. I miss having the chats I used to have with some on Fab, but I couldn't let them think that they would be getting NSA sex either |
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