FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Affair advice

Affair advice

By *rs Tooty OP Woman over a year ago

Ayrshire

I've just ended a year long affair with a married man.

He told his wife 'all about me' and it's apparently done damage at home. I'm unsure if they have decided to stay at home, yet separate, as he had chosen himself to do, the week previously when he told her about being unhappy

However, I've come to realise, after we split, he has retained and still uses the chat app we used and is still on another adult site.

Having being blamed for the affair, yes I understand I'll be blamed as being 'the other woman' I just find it incredulous he's still lying to her. After the lengths he went to, to prevent her knowing initially.

I was happy to let her know the full details of our affair. More to cover any why, what, where questions and let her vent at the other woman.

He has done what he can to limit the damage so I find it incredulous that he's not completely come clean.

Should I tell her? Threats of police etc have no weight with me. A need to have the truth known, completely is the driving factor in this.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Are you actually surprised that a man who had an affair for a year is now lying to his wife

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By *olgateMan over a year ago

on the road to nowhere in particular

Walk away and say nothing

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It would just come across as you trying to hurt her more. At the end of the day its nothing to do with you.

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By *rs Tooty OP Woman over a year ago

Ayrshire

I am actually.. It's that old chestnut.. I never trusted him completely. However, to come clean about an affair I thought would put him off for a while at least maybe?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Step 1 find his family's pet rabbit, step 2 boil it, step 3..........

Leave the poor man alone and stop terrorising him

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By *alandNitaCouple over a year ago

Scunthorpe

"Walk away and say nothing"

Stay well clear.

Nita

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By *B9 QueenWoman over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

I feel sorry for her as it must be crushing to find out your spouse has been unfaithful. However if she chooses to believe his continued deceit then she is a fool. I'd leave them to get on with it. Anything from you will sound like vengeance. She needs to find out for herself that she's married a dick.

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By *rs Tooty OP Woman over a year ago

Ayrshire

I totally understand that.

However, I find it incredulous in having told her, he's still lying.

I, as a person would rather know the whole truth so I may make an informed decision on it.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

He shouldnt have told her, instead he should of kept you as a secret.

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By *ancs MinxWoman over a year ago

Burnley

"I am actually.. It's that old chestnut.. I never trusted him completely. However, to come clean about an affair I thought would put him off for a while at least maybe?

nobody can trust a cheat....so in surprised your so shocked....hes prob having another affair by now.....

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By *rs Tooty OP Woman over a year ago

Ayrshire

Terrorising him? I haven't started

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Put it behind you and move on. What are you going to gain from doing this? I know it must be hard but just move on....let him get on with it and move onto his next

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It's none of your business how he chooses to conduct himself with his wife. Any part you had in his life is now over, for all you know he could have been having multiple affairs, who knows.

I suggest you close the door on that chapter, delete all contact & move on.

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By *rs Tooty OP Woman over a year ago

Ayrshire

It's hurtful to find out he's had one, to continue to do so is unfair.

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By *ancs MinxWoman over a year ago

Burnley

What do you care about his wife, if you did you wouldn't have had an affair , just move on...sounds like sour grapes on your behalf now though

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By *rs Tooty OP Woman over a year ago

Ayrshire

Thank you

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If honesty is your driving factor, and I mean this in the nicest possible way, how did you end up having a year long affair with a married man?

I'd walk away, surely if the wife knows about this, she will struggle to believe everything he says anyway. Are there children involved? I'd walk away, you have made your decisions and they will have to live with them. Your thoughts could also be interpreted as jealous almost? Not suggesting they are, but if a bloke is having an affair then he may just be offloading to other, or shagging several, either way it's all wrong, I'd walk away

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By *rs Tooty OP Woman over a year ago

Ayrshire

Def not sour grapes as I ended it with him..

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

How can you be surprised that he's still doing it and with Someone else...your probably not the only one he's had an affair with and certainly won't be the last. She'll forgive him. He'll worm his way back to her and you'll be left searching or plotting your revenge!!!! Have some pride, Move on ....sounds like sour grapes to me

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By *rs Tooty OP Woman over a year ago

Ayrshire

"He shouldnt have told her, instead he should of kept you as a secret."

He chose to tell her which is why I find disbelief in his actions.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You had an affair with a married man and you're concerned because he's still lying to his wife ?

You're the one acting like the injured party here you obviously don't give a damn about his wifes feelings, or you would leave her alone.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Walk away and say nothing"

Exactly this.

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By *ancs MinxWoman over a year ago

Burnley

"How can you be surprised that he's still doing it and with Someone else...your probably not the only one he's had an affair with and certainly won't be the last. She'll forgive him. He'll worm his way back to her and you'll be left searching or plotting your revenge!!!! Have some pride, Move on ....sounds like sour grapes to me "

doubt she has any pride whilst doing what she has done

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By *rs Tooty OP Woman over a year ago

Ayrshire

I'm afraid it's not sour grapes. It was purely the do everything to protect her, yes continues to do it. I'm not his first affair, the first he's admitted to tho.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Def not sour grapes as I ended it with him.."
if you ended it why do you even care what hes doing, its his life he doesn't answer to you

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"He shouldnt have told her, instead he should of kept you as a secret.

He chose to tell her which is why I find disbelief in his actions. "
Yes and I think the same. You recon he felt to guilty so had to tell her?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"You had an affair with a married man and you're concerned because he's still lying to his wife ?

You're the one acting like the injured party here you obviously don't give a damn about his wifes feelings, or you would leave her alone."

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By *educedWoman over a year ago

Birmingham

It's none of your business how they choose to live their married lives. It never was and it never will be. Your relationship with him is over. Just leave it alone.

Delete his contact details!

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By *hell and jWoman over a year ago

Worksop

It will bite him on the ass big time soon enought xx

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By *ivemeyoursoulWoman over a year ago

Easter just around the corner!

You've played your part in his cheating,it's no longer your concern move on.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"It's hurtful to find out he's had one, to continue to do so is unfair."

it could be said that it was unfair to have one in the 1st place. However, no one knows the true relationship dynamics that are in place between two people.

Infidelity is not always as black & white as some people think it is.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Walk away - you've finished it.

Sarah

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By *erbyDalesCplCouple over a year ago

Derbyshire

" A need to have the truth known, completely is the driving factor in this."

No it isn't, but deep down you know that.

Walk away and move on with your own life and leave them to resolve theirs.

Mr.ddc

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"It's hurtful to find out he's had one, to continue to do so is unfair."

Your feeling a tiny fraction to how his wife must've felt. If you have a way to contact his wife then I'd say something like you're out now and will have nothing to do with him but this is the site he's on if she wants to keep an eye.

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By *isscheekychopsWoman over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

Talk about you creating unnecessary drama in your life....

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By *ouple1000Couple over a year ago

manchester

"I totally understand that.

However, I find it incredulous in having told her, he's still lying.

I, as a person would rather know the whole truth so I may make an informed decision on it."

You was not that bothered about the truth 12 months ago

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By *ivemeyoursoulWoman over a year ago

Easter just around the corner!

I'm afraid it's not sour grapes. It was purely the do everything to protect her, yes continues to do it. I'm not his first affair, the first he's admitted to tho. "

It was purely the do everything to protect her!!! You are taking the piss aren't you,because that's hilarious

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I totally understand that.

However, I find it incredulous in having told her, he's still lying.

I, as a person would rather know the whole truth so I may make an informed decision on it."

When you started the affair with the married man, did you inform his wife, after all as a person, you would rather know the whole truth. Or is that only applicable when your relationship with the married man is over?

Sounds like sour grapes and your justification is that you are somehow protecting his wife. What were you doing for the previous 12 months?

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By *he devil wears pradaWoman over a year ago

gosport ish

A woman scorned

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By *risky_MareWoman over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

I understand the urge to 'shout from the roof top that which has been hidden' but there is no point now, she knows he is a liar and a cheat, she may never trust him again but it is her choice, their marriage, walk away.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I'm afraid it's not sour grapes. It was purely the do everything to protect her, yes continues to do it. I'm not his first affair, the first he's admitted to tho. "

Look. going off your profile you're an intelligent woman who probably won't be messed with . In fact I'm surprised you even had an affair for a year... Yes a year.... we don't know how long you were together before you found out he was married.. or did you know when you met him ??? Anyway that's by the by...... she knows .... why would you as a woman want to hurt her even more by telling her he's a lying cheat still..... hopefully she's not stupid and will either watch him day and night or throw his arse out ..... whatever they do is nothing to do with you now.

I disagree with everything you've done but who am I to judge you as a person.. I'm just judging the situation.

I've never had it done to me or done it but affairs and cheating is something that leaves a bitter taste in my mouth . Hence my opinion on the subject

Good luck

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

OP I dont know what you were hoping for with this thread but you certainly cant have expected tea and sympathy. Your reasoning is bordering on the incredulous and you seem to have an overinflated idea of your role in his life.

Move on, salvage what little dignity you have left and find someone who you can have a real relationship with

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I've just ended a year long affair with a married man.

However, I've come to realise, after we split, he has retained and still uses the chat app we used and is still on another adult site.

I was happy to let her know the full details of our affair. More to cover any why, what, where questions and let her vent at the other woman.

He has done what he can to limit the damage so I find it incredulous that he's not completely come clean.

Should I tell her? Threats of police etc have no weight with me. A need to have the truth known, completely is the driving factor in this.

wow; this is deep

too deep for me

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I suspect OP's lover/partner in her eyes, fuck buddy in his is on FAB also and OP is using this thread to torture him more

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By *rs Tooty OP Woman over a year ago

Ayrshire

"He shouldnt have told her, instead he should of kept you as a secret.

He chose to tell her which is why I find disbelief in his actions. Yes and I think the same. You recon he felt to guilty so had to tell her?"

No, it was damage limitation. He has told her parts of the affair but not the whole story.

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By *rs Tooty OP Woman over a year ago

Ayrshire

"I suspect OP's lover/partner in her eyes, fuck buddy in his is on FAB also and OP is using this thread to torture him more "

No. He deleted his profile.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I totally understand that.

However, I find it incredulous in having told her, he's still lying.

I, as a person would rather know the whole truth so I may make an informed decision on it."

Nothing to do with you anymore. Walk away and do not harass either of them.

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By *rs Tooty OP Woman over a year ago

Ayrshire

"It's hurtful to find out he's had one, to continue to do so is unfair.

it could be said that it was unfair to have one in the 1st place. However, no one knows the true relationship dynamics that are in place between two people.

Infidelity is not always as black & white as some people think it is."

I agree, it's not always black and white. I believe if you're unhappy then leave.

I was single when we met and whilst accept responsibility for my part feel in all cases of affairs, the married person is at fault. They are responsible for their o/h.

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By *iscean MaleMan over a year ago

Darlaston

Just let it be a lesson for you for playing with a married person.

Being frank you was just pass time for him and a bit of fun

Move on

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By *risky_MareWoman over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"It's hurtful to find out he's had one, to continue to do so is unfair.

it could be said that it was unfair to have one in the 1st place. However, no one knows the true relationship dynamics that are in place between two people.

Infidelity is not always as black & white as some people think it is.

I agree, it's not always black and white. I believe if you're unhappy then leave.

I was single when we met and whilst accept responsibility for my part feel in all cases of affairs, the married person is at fault. They are responsible for their o/h. "

No, no, no, no - you are BOTH equally at fault, you need to own it!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I think your hurting cos it's ended and you must be stalking him to know he's still on another date site and using the chat messaging

To get hurt doesn't mean to hurt others just leave him to his own and if he gets caught that's his probs not yours

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By *irtyGirlWoman over a year ago

Edinburgh

His stuff is not your business.

His wife is not your responsibility.

You ended it with him so walk away.

Dignity... hang onto it.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"It's hurtful to find out he's had one, to continue to do so is unfair."
i hate to say it but u r acting like u have been wronged ! U knew what u was getting into from the beginning and was happy to be the 3rd wheel . You need to step away and move on and stop wasting your time on a relationship that is over . I know your hurting and want to vent but everything you do will be seen as spiteful and very petty and maybe a bit stalkerish . Take timeout and look after yourself xxxxx and be happy x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

OP I'm truely baffled why you want this other women to be told the whole truth of what has happened....... She's not related to you is she? sister/cousin maybe?

You're coming across very odd indeed over this, any other women would cut and run and stay the hell away and let time do its thing, but even though you're saying you ended the affair, you still want to be involved in the aftermath.

So as others have said, cut all contact and go your separate way.

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By *ivemeyoursoulWoman over a year ago

Easter just around the corner!

"It's hurtful to find out he's had one, to continue to do so is unfair.

it could be said that it was unfair to have one in the 1st place. However, no one knows the true relationship dynamics that are in place between two people.

Infidelity is not always as black & white as some people think it is.

I agree, it's not always black and white. I believe if you're unhappy then leave.

I was single when we met and whilst accept responsibility for my part feel in all cases of affairs, the married person is at fault. They are responsible for their o/h.

No, no, no, no - you are BOTH equally at fault, you need to own it!

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By *andybeachWoman over a year ago

In the middle

Have a bit of dignity and keep out of their lives now, you have hurt her once you don't need to keep turning the knife in that wound.

As for you coming across as some sort of moral crusader after fucking her husband is quite laughable, just leave them alone

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Correct me if I've interpreted it wrong, but he had an affair because he in unhappy in his marriage? His lover then ends the relationship. This puts him back at square 1. The only thing that has changed is that you are no longer his lover. But he is still unhappy with his marriage, and therefore looking to fill that gap in his life, which is no longer being filled by you. So of course he will be out there looking. It wasn't like it was him who decided to end the relationship in order to resolves things with his wife.

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

Examine your own motives carefully and apply your quest for honesty to them first.

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By *iewMan over a year ago
Forum Mod

Angus & Findhorn

You love the game.... To win at all costs.

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By *ivemeyoursoulWoman over a year ago

Easter just around the corner!

I think if I'd been having an affair with a married man for 12 months I'd hang my head in shame,not write a thread asking for advice on how to push the knife further in so to speak.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"It's hurtful to find out he's had one, to continue to do so is unfair.

it could be said that it was unfair to have one in the 1st place. However, no one knows the true relationship dynamics that are in place between two people.

Infidelity is not always as black & white as some people think it is.

I agree, it's not always black and white. I believe if you're unhappy then leave.

I was single when we met and whilst accept responsibility for my part feel in all cases of affairs, the married person is at fault. They are responsible for their o/h. "
are you singe now?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What's it got to do with you op? It's their relationship. Let them get on with it. I don't understand the need for drama.

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By *ophieslutTV/TS over a year ago

Central

If the relationship you had is over op then I think your involvement should cease. Let him and his wife pick up the pieces or not in their own ways. And ensure that you've learned all that you can from this episode, so that that guides you in future.

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By *inaTitzTV/TS over a year ago

Titz Towers, North Notts

Just move on and order some dignity from ebay.

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By *ucky1Man over a year ago

a straightjacket

Interesting thread and comments, as a married man I'm glad I don't have affairs....phew! Never going to own any pets either

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

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By *ackDMissMorganCouple over a year ago

Halifax

Leave well alone ,it would just look like spite if you say/do anymore.Hopefully she will come to her senses on her own.Miss

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

From my simplistic outsider _iew this isn't about 'protecting his wife' but more about 'hurting him more'.

As others have said - move on, dust yourself down, move forwards with your life without him and don't do anything to hurt the wife even more.

It's their marriage - I'm sure they already have enough to mull over together

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

See you on jeremy kyle next month

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By *ensual temptressWoman over a year ago

Southampton

Ahh HE told his wife did he .... did he I suppose tell you that??

Come on !! Why after getting away with it over a year will he tell her knowing the shit storm it would cause ?? He had a sudden case of conscience huh lol ! Or maybe you can't believe one thing that comes from his dishonest mouth . Hes only told her and you things that benifits him playing you both I'm afraid . As you said ..you never trusted him .

As for your noble quest for the truth for his wife ... a tad late!

As said what they do and what he says and does is nothing to do with you . The damage has been done, (for which you and him are BOTH to blame ) no need for you to twist the knife further.

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By *abioMan over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

"Are you actually surprised that a man who had an affair for a year is now lying to his wife

This times a million....

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You and the husband have done enough damage to his wife ,so why tell her everything it won't help her.

The best thing you can do is walk away and remember how would you feel if you were in the wife's shoes .also karma has a habit of catching up with you

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By *iewMan over a year ago
Forum Mod

Angus & Findhorn

Ask to meet them at an arranged place and time, take a picnic and a nice seat.

Be great to savour every minute of her pain, her upset as you nibble away relishing in the fact that you ended it and then kept involved in her life & you were responsible for delivering the possible killer blow in their marriage.

You could even win the lottery as it may end the marriage and you get him for you.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Are you actually surprised that a man who had an affair for a year is now lying to his wife

This times a million....

Statically 60% of the people on this thread are/will have an affair at some point

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Just walk away and leave them to it...if your really concerned for her you wouldn't want to cause any more hurt than what's already happened.

It's none of your business. You ended the relationship with him, so end it properly by leaving them alone.

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By *yrdwomanWoman over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

I assume your motives for informing the wife of your concerns are completely pure and have nothing to do with the fact your affair has ended.

Leave them alone. You are no longer part of either of their lives. Don't be that person - move on.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Ask to meet them at an arranged place and time, take a picnic and a nice seat.

You could even win the lottery as it may end the marriage and you get him for you."

Also hang about outside the kids schools and make sure the kids and all parents and friends know also, post on his facebook

Pop round on Xmas day as an extra surprise

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By *yrdwomanWoman over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

"Ask to meet them at an arranged place and time, take a picnic and a nice seat.

You could even win the lottery as it may end the marriage and you get him for you."

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I totally understand that.

However, I find it incredulous in having told her, he's still lying.

I, as a person would rather know the whole truth so I may make an informed decision on it."

You might. Most people wouldn't.

Remember the age old saying:

"Poetry is like the truth,

Most people fucking hate poetry"

A level of cognitive dissonance is necessary for the preservation of a societal structure that we did not evolve to live in. Let the dumb wife have it

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By *iewMan over a year ago
Forum Mod

Angus & Findhorn

"Ask to meet them at an arranged place and time, take a picnic and a nice seat.

You could even win the lottery as it may end the marriage and you get him for you.

Also hang about outside the kids schools and make sure the kids and all parents and friends know also, post on his facebook

Pop round on Xmas day as an extra surprise "

ah the unhinged behaviour of a spurned lover

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By *educedWoman over a year ago

Birmingham

"It's hurtful to find out he's had one, to continue to do so is unfair.

it could be said that it was unfair to have one in the 1st place. However, no one knows the true relationship dynamics that are in place between two people.

Infidelity is not always as black & white as some people think it is.

I agree, it's not always black and white. I believe if you're unhappy then leave.

I was single when we met and whilst accept responsibility for my part feel in all cases of affairs, the married person is at fault. They are responsible for their o/h. "

Lol! What you just said then is incredulous!

Are you saying these things to get a reaction?

I ain't buying this! Its just too unbelievable.

Unless, you're hiding under the bridge and watching us all trip trap across?

Surely?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Speaking as the wife of a cheater,if the woman he had a long affair with contacted me afterwards to tell me he's still cheating,but with someone else,I would have told her to mind her own business,she's helped do enough damage,and let me sort my relationship out. MY relationship with him,hers is over. I would have questioned her motives,but I knew her well,she wasn't a stranger. Leave him and her to get on with it.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Speaking as the wife of a cheater,if the woman he had a long affair with contacted me afterwards to tell me he's still cheating,but with someone else,I would have told her to mind her own business,she's helped do enough damage,and let me sort my relationship out. MY relationship with him,hers is over. I would have questioned her motives,but I knew her well,she wasn't a stranger. Leave him and her to get on with it."

Unless you're jealous that he has got rid of you and is seeing someone else.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"It's hurtful to find out he's had one, to continue to do so is unfair."

I really cannot believe you're making yourself out to be a victim here!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 13/04/16 10:39:46]

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 13/04/16 10:44:38]

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By *azkinsWoman over a year ago

leeds

maybe he came clean about your affair to cover up the multiple others he was having?. maybe.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Are you actually surprised that a man who had an affair for a year is now lying to his wife

This times a million....

Statically 60% of the people on this thread are/will have an affair at some point "

I'd heard the statistic was 45% of married men in the UK will stray at some point, and a bit lower for women. Seems a bit pointless to judge when almost half the population are doing this.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Interesting thread and comments, as a married man I'm glad I don't have affairs....phew! Never going to own any pets either

I wonder how your wife would react to knowing you're on here?

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By *ali 69Man over a year ago

jersey

"Step 1 find his family's pet rabbit, step 2 boil it, step 3..........

Leave the poor man alone and stop terrorising him "
Well said !! Yes , incredulous is a word that should be used . You were both in this together , now you are trying to play down your part in this and laying all the shit at his door . You , are just as guilty as he is ....the fact you say you never trusted him and still stayed....more so .

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By *rs Tooty OP Woman over a year ago

Ayrshire

"It's hurtful to find out he's had one, to continue to do so is unfair.

it could be said that it was unfair to have one in the 1st place. However, no one knows the true relationship dynamics that are in place between two people.

Infidelity is not always as black & white as some people think it is.

I agree, it's not always black and white. I believe if you're unhappy then leave.

I was single when we met and whilst accept responsibility for my part feel in all cases of affairs, the married person is at fault. They are responsible for their o/h.

Lol! What you just said then is incredulous!

Are you saying these things to get a reaction?

I ain't buying this! Its just too unbelievable.

Unless, you're hiding under the bridge and watching us all trip trap across?

Surely?

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

"I totally understand that.

However, I find it incredulous in having told her, he's still lying.

I, as a person would rather know the whole truth so I may make an informed decision on it."

What did you expect, he has lied to her for the last year.

If they are making a go of it, leave them to it, I am sure the trust would have to be built up again so no doubt she will be watching what he is doing anyway

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Leave her alone...their marriage is none of your business. Why would you want to be so spiteful??

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By *rs Tooty OP Woman over a year ago

Ayrshire

Why would I want to do that?

Not as if anyone was needing entertained on a wet Wednesday morning...

"It's hurtful to find out he's had one, to continue to do so is unfair.

it could be said that it was unfair to have one in the 1st place. However, no one knows the true relationship dynamics that are in place between two people.

Infidelity is not always as black & white as some people think it is.

I agree, it's not always black and white. I believe if you're unhappy then leave.

I was single when we met and whilst accept responsibility for my part feel in all cases of affairs, the married person is at fault. They are responsible for their o/h.

Lol! What you just said then is incredulous!

Are you saying these things to get a reaction?

I ain't buying this! Its just too unbelievable.

Unless, you're hiding under the bridge and watching us all trip trap across?

Surely?

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

"I totally understand that.

However, I find it incredulous in having told her, he's still lying.

I, as a person would rather know the whole truth so I may make an informed decision on it.

What did you expect, he has lied to her for the last year.

If they are making a go of it, leave them to it, I am sure the trust would have to be built up again so no doubt she will be watching what he is doing anyway"

PS you didn't seem to feel the need to tell her when you were having sex with her husband, so why do you feel the need to tell her now? To get back at him?

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By *educedWoman over a year ago

Birmingham

"Why would I want to do that?

Not as if anyone was needing entertained on a wet Wednesday morning...

It's hurtful to find out he's had one, to continue to do so is unfair.

it could be said that it was unfair to have one in the 1st place. However, no one knows the true relationship dynamics that are in place between two people.

Infidelity is not always as black & white as some people think it is.

I agree, it's not always black and white. I believe if you're unhappy then leave.

I was single when we met and whilst accept responsibility for my part feel in all cases of affairs, the married person is at fault. They are responsible for their o/h.

Lol! What you just said then is incredulous!

Are you saying these things to get a reaction?

I ain't buying this! Its just too unbelievable.

Unless, you're hiding under the bridge and watching us all trip trap across?

Surely?

Busted! Or back pedalling?

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By *ancs MinxWoman over a year ago

Burnley

"Step 1 find his family's pet rabbit, step 2 boil it, step 3..........

Leave the poor man alone and stop terrorising him Well said !! Yes , incredulous is a word that should be used . You were both in this together , now you are trying to play down your part in this and laying all the shit at his door . You , are just as guilty as he is ....the fact you say you never trusted him and still stayed....more so ."

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Your motive cannot be concern for the wife as if it was you wouldn't have had the affair in the first place, or ended it at the point that you discovered he was married.

His wife now knows he is a cheater, she knows as much as she needs to know. What she chooses to do with that information is up to her. Maybe she doesn't care? Maybe she's prepared to tolerate it for whatever reason? Maybe she's having an affair herself (after all, her husband has been devoting his attention to you so who could blame her).

It should be time to walk away and move on. Your intended actions seem vindictive and futile.

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By *uzy444Woman over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

hes hedging his bets, exposing you was to see if he could get away with it, leading him to consider where he can stay at home or not..he just has a couple of aces up his sleeve in case he chooses to leave or is forced to leave...transference...

however tempting..i would turn your attentions to your own happiness again

truth in this instance wont do you any favours..just learn what you need to learn from this and walk, concern for the woman at this point, although im not judgemental about affairs in general, could be construed as something malicious. extricate and move on xx

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Are you actually surprised that a man who had an affair for a year is now lying to his wife

This times a million....

Statically 60% of the people on this thread are/will have an affair at some point

I'd heard the statistic was 45% of married men in the UK will stray at some point, and a bit lower for women. Seems a bit pointless to judge when almost half the population are doing this."

There are about 4 studies that have looked at this and the results typically range between 60-70% of spouses having extra martial goodies at some point in the marriage. The results vary depending on the definition of cheating used. There is only a small difference between the results for men and women.

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By *rs Tooty OP Woman over a year ago

Ayrshire

Busted or back pedalling?

Who knows..

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By *ex_OnTheBeachCouple over a year ago

kent ( by the seaside )

I have read through most of the thread and OP you are coming over as a scorned woman, you didn't have any morals all the time you were fucking this guys husband, so why have morals now?

It's really none of your business whats happening now in their relationship so leave them both alone and get on with your own life. His wife is already hurting without you adding more to it.

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By *iewMan over a year ago
Forum Mod

Angus & Findhorn

"Busted or back pedalling?

Who knows..

you are loving this

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By *ex_OnTheBeachCouple over a year ago

kent ( by the seaside )

"Busted or back pedalling?

Who knows..

you are loving this

I quite agree with you on that _iew

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By *rs Tooty OP Woman over a year ago

Ayrshire

"Busted or back pedalling?

Who knows..

you are loving this

The responses have been amazing..

It's an interesting topic

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By *yrdwomanWoman over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

"Busted or back pedalling?

Who knows..

Shame we don't have a yawning emoticon.

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By *isscheekychopsWoman over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

"Busted or back pedalling?

Who knows..

you are loving this

The responses have been amazing..

It's an interesting topic

It's not that interesting...you were fucking a married guy for a year and now it's ended wanted to pled the moral high ground...

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By *yrdwomanWoman over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

"Busted or back pedalling?

Who knows..

you are loving this

The responses have been amazing..

It's an interesting topic

Aaah, the 'social experiment' defence. OK then...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What a sugar coated cock can do to a woman ehh haha

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By *andybeachWoman over a year ago

In the middle

"Busted or back pedalling?

Who knows..

To make a joke of it now is totally disgusting on your part, you should be ashamed of yourself

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By *heBakeOLiteGirlWoman over a year ago

62 West Wallaby Street (not real address)

You ended it so you say so why carry it on? You chose to be no longer part of his life so why all the drama? Makes you look incredibly silly. His life to mess up how he wants there is no need for you to drag his wife further in. Gains nothing because YOU ended the relationship.

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By *iewMan over a year ago
Forum Mod

Angus & Findhorn

[Removed by poster at 13/04/16 11:39:06]

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By *iewMan over a year ago
Forum Mod

Angus & Findhorn

"Busted or back pedalling?

Who knows..

you are loving this

The responses have been amazing..

It's an interesting topic

and exactly what you were seeking, that feeling of self importance and control over the other lady. You were fucking her husband over a year, the excitement and thrill. You ended it but still thrive on the thrill of being able to fuck her husband one more time, not literally.

I say on married threads, do as you wish but just get on with it.

the fact that you did it, doesn't say that much about you it's commonplace.

the fact that you are getting a thrill from the attention it is giving, says more.

just do what you decide upon

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By *rs Tooty OP Woman over a year ago

Ayrshire

"Busted or back pedalling?

Who knows..

you are loving this

The responses have been amazing..

It's an interesting topic

Did it actually happen? Or have I shared a story I read elsewhere n played as my own to get people's opinions?

I say on married threads, do as you wish but just get on with it.

the fact that you did it, doesn't say that much about you it's commonplace.

the fact that you are getting a thrill from the attention it is giving, says more.

just do what you decide upon"

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By *ivemeyoursoulWoman over a year ago

Easter just around the corner!

Is it all just made up then,if not I pity you,you clearly have no respect for yourself,very sad...

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By *rs Tooty OP Woman over a year ago

Ayrshire

Did it actually happen? Or was it something I said to gather opinions on a wet Wednesday?

"Busted or back pedalling?

Who knows..

you are loving this

The responses have been amazing..

It's an interesting topic

I say on married threads, do as you wish but just get on with it.

the fact that you did it, doesn't say that much about you it's commonplace.

the fact that you are getting a thrill from the attention it is giving, says more.

just do what you decide upon"

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"What do you care about his wife, if you did you wouldn't have had an affair , just move on...sounds like sour grapes on your behalf now though"

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Take it out on him, why take it out on his wife and family. They are innocent.

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By *isscheekychopsWoman over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

Nowt queer as folk I tell you...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Do you have anything original that you would like to discuss? I prefer talking to people who have actually experiences what we are talking about.

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By *ensual temptressWoman over a year ago

Southampton

"Busted or back pedalling?

Who knows..

you are loving this

The responses have been amazing..

It's an interesting topic

A persons wrecked marriage I feel is saddening .An innocent parties (the wife NOT you )emotions torn apart I feel is tragic ....not an interesting topic !

The way you just glibly refer to the devastation you help cause as a "topic" I just find highly distasteful! !

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By *risky_MareWoman over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

When you find you have dug yourself into a hole, it's best to just stop digging.

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By *ouple in LancashireCouple over a year ago

in Lancashire

"Walk away and say nothing"

this..

its none of your business and only comes across as you wanting some sort of payback, he will or wont be caught out by her at some point and how she deals with that is their business..

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Busted or back pedalling?

Who knows..

you are loving this

The responses have been amazing..

It's an interesting topic

A persons wrecked marriage I feel is saddening .An innocent parties (the wife NOT you )emotions torn apart I feel is tragic ....not an interesting topic !

The way you just glibly refer to the devastation you help cause as a "topic" I just find highly distasteful! !"

She's hinted that she wasn't the other woman. She saw the tale written elsewhere and thought she would pretend it was her plight,on here. To see how people reacted,because she's bored.

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By *ws101Man over a year ago

mansfield

What a way to destroy a reputation.... or even create one... fellow fabbers, If you have a bloke and want to keep him.... keep this cradle snatcher away.... swinging should be honest and true. Something we can all enjoy.. or just be single ffs...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Busted or back pedalling?

Who knows..

you are loving this

The responses have been amazing..

It's an interesting topic

You could have just done a nostalgia thread. They can be fun too

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Guys sounds like a complete and utter prick

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By *exycouplemmmmCouple over a year ago

Surrey

"It's hurtful to find out he's had one, to continue to do so is unfair."

It's unfair to have one! You need to forget it and move on. Why is it incredulous? He's was a lying cheat (with you) and he's still lying and possibly cheating. You will gain nothing by telling her except 'unloading' the truth - she will be possibly hurt more than she needs to be. She knows about you, so step away. It's none of your business.

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By *isscheekychopsWoman over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

"Guys sounds like a complete and utter prick"

why?

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By *ouple1000Couple over a year ago

manchester

[Removed by poster at 13/04/16 12:00:06]

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By *urvymamaWoman over a year ago

Doncaster

Married people having affairs are always lying to the one person that's supposed to mean the most to them, I find in incredulous that anyone involved with them facilitating the affair didn't think they'd be above lying to them about the state of their marriage.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Busted or back pedalling?

Who knows..

you are loving this

The responses have been amazing..

It's an interesting topic

A persons wrecked marriage I feel is saddening .An innocent parties (the wife NOT you )emotions torn apart I feel is tragic ....not an interesting topic !

The way you just glibly refer to the devastation you help cause as a "topic" I just find highly distasteful! !

She's hinted that she wasn't the other woman. She saw the tale written elsewhere and thought she would pretend it was her plight,on here. To see how people reacted,because she's bored. "

If that's the case she very ,very stupid ,imature and really needs to get a life .

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By *erbyDalesCplCouple over a year ago

Derbyshire

"Busted or back pedalling?

Who knows..

C'mon Ruggers, even you must admit if any post ever needed the

emoji, this one is it!

OP: There are much more fun ways of getting to 176

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By *ancs MinxWoman over a year ago

Burnley

"Busted or back pedalling?

Who knows..

you are loving this

The responses have been amazing..

It's an interesting topic

A persons wrecked marriage I feel is saddening .An innocent parties (the wife NOT you )emotions torn apart I feel is tragic ....not an interesting topic !

The way you just glibly refer to the devastation you help cause as a "topic" I just find highly distasteful! !

She's hinted that she wasn't the other woman. She saw the tale written elsewhere and thought she would pretend it was her plight,on here. To see how people reacted,because she's bored.

If that's the case she very ,very stupid ,imature and really needs to get a life ."

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By *exycouplemmmmCouple over a year ago

Surrey

[Removed by poster at 13/04/16 12:12:42]

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By *imiUKMan over a year ago

Hereford

I do love it how people suppose to know how either the feller in question are feeling....

You have no idea what goes on behind closed doors - they could despise each other, or be indifferent.

In the last years of my marriage I honestly wouldn't have cared if my ex had cheated (she didn't as far as I know), our relationship was more like friends anyway, just like I wish her all the best with her new feller now.

Why does everyone assume that life is like a soap opera?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I do love it how people suppose to know how either the feller in question are feeling....

You have no idea what goes on behind closed doors - they could despise each other, or be indifferent.

Why does everyone assume that life is like a soap opera?

My guess would be because a lot of people on this thread probably watch soap operas. Just a guess...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Busted or back pedalling?

Who knows..

you are loving this

The responses have been amazing..

It's an interesting topic

A persons wrecked marriage I feel is saddening .An innocent parties (the wife NOT you )emotions torn apart I feel is tragic ....not an interesting topic !

The way you just glibly refer to the devastation you help cause as a "topic" I just find highly distasteful! !

She's hinted that she wasn't the other woman. She saw the tale written elsewhere and thought she would pretend it was her plight,on here. To see how people reacted,because she's bored. "
psycho alert

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

But surely if you were the one who ended it then it's no longer anything to do with you now ? If it over then it's over full stop

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By *andybeachWoman over a year ago

In the middle

"I do love it how people suppose to know how either the feller in question are feeling....

You have no idea what goes on behind closed doors - they could despise each other, or be indifferent.

Why does everyone assume that life is like a soap opera?

My guess would be because a lot of people on this thread probably watch soap operas. Just a guess... "

I don't

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By *risky_MareWoman over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"I do love it how people suppose to know how either the feller in question are feeling....

You have no idea what goes on behind closed doors - they could despise each other, or be indifferent.

Why does everyone assume that life is like a soap opera?

She has only got his word for what is going on in the relationship and what he has said to her anyway - it could be totally the opposite, he can spin whatever line he chooses.

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By *risky_MareWoman over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"Busted or back pedalling?

Who knows..

you are loving this

The responses have been amazing..

It's an interesting topic

A persons wrecked marriage I feel is saddening .An innocent parties (the wife NOT you )emotions torn apart I feel is tragic ....not an interesting topic !

The way you just glibly refer to the devastation you help cause as a "topic" I just find highly distasteful! !

She's hinted that she wasn't the other woman. She saw the tale written elsewhere and thought she would pretend it was her plight,on here. To see how people reacted,because she's bored. "

Nah, ruse to save face I would say.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

OP, I actually laughed out loud at the bit where you said you were "incredulous that he hadn't come completely clean".....

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By *imiUKMan over a year ago

Hereford

"I do love it how people suppose to know how either the feller in question are feeling....

You have no idea what goes on behind closed doors - they could despise each other, or be indifferent.

Why does everyone assume that life is like a soap opera?

She has only got his word for what is going on in the relationship and what he has said to her anyway - it could be totally the opposite, he can spin whatever line he chooses."

Oh, I know that - there are a large proportion of posters on this thread who seem to be able to know how the hypothetitical "other woman" was thinking purely because they share a gender or that someone has been unfaithful to them.

(And also an equally large number of "cheating is bad m'kay?" sycophants who presumably fabcy a shag at some point...)

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Busted or back pedalling?

Who knows..

you are loving this

The responses have been amazing..

It's an interesting topic

A persons wrecked marriage I feel is saddening .An innocent parties (the wife NOT you )emotions torn apart I feel is tragic ....not an interesting topic !

The way you just glibly refer to the devastation you help cause as a "topic" I just find highly distasteful! !

She's hinted that she wasn't the other woman. She saw the tale written elsewhere and thought she would pretend it was her plight,on here. To see how people reacted,because she's bored.

Nah, ruse to save face I would say."

I am pleased it is a ruse. Imagine if the OP really thought like that! Scary

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By *ex_OnTheBeachCouple over a year ago

kent ( by the seaside )

Did it actually happen? Or was it something I said to gather opinions on a wet Wednesday?

So is it true? Or just something you've made up to fill in your bored wet Wednesday morning?

Either way I think you need to get out more in the real world

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By *iss_tressWoman over a year ago

London

"I've just ended a year long affair with a married man.

However, I've come to realise, after we split, he has retained and still uses the chat app we used and is still on another adult site.

I was happy to let her know the full details of our affair. More to cover any why, what, where questions and let her vent at the other woman.

He has done what he can to limit the damage so I find it incredulous that he's not completely come clean.

Should I tell her? Threats of police etc have no weight with me. A need to have the truth known, completely is the driving factor in this.

You're honestly surprised he's still at it?!!

What surprises me is why you're still up in their business. Get a life of your own and leave them to it.

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By *iss_tressWoman over a year ago

London

"Step 1 find his family's pet rabbit, step 2 boil it, step 3..........

Leave the poor man alone and stop terrorising him "

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By *imiUKMan over a year ago

Hereford

And yet it continues......

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By *isscheekychopsWoman over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

"And yet it continues......

You ok over there Jim?

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By *imiUKMan over a year ago

Hereford

"And yet it continues......

You ok over there Jim?

Yes. This is quite amusing.

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By *educedWoman over a year ago

Birmingham

Like I said "who's that trip trapping over my bridge!"

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Put your hand into a fire and your going to get burned

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"And yet it continues......

You ok over there Jim?

Yes. This is quite amusing.

Not bad for a Wednesday lunchtime

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By *andybeachWoman over a year ago

In the middle

"Like I said "who's that trip trapping over my bridge!"

Someone needs shoving off the bridge I recon

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By *erbyDalesCplCouple over a year ago

Derbyshire

"And yet it continues......

You ok over there Jim?

Yes. This is quite amusing.

Not as good as "My lodger ate my Mars bar," surely?

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By *erbyDalesCplCouple over a year ago

Derbyshire

Not as good as "My lodger ate my Mars bar," surely?

My bad, it was a Snickers. How could I forget the immortal phrase "Snicker-nicking knicker-licker"

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By *ex_OnTheBeachCouple over a year ago

kent ( by the seaside )

"And yet it continues......

You ok over there Jim?

Yes. This is quite amusing.

Not as good as "My lodger ate my Mars bar," surely?

I remember that thread! Now who started it?

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By *imiUKMan over a year ago

Hereford

"And yet it continues......

You ok over there Jim?

Yes. This is quite amusing.

Not as good as "My lodger ate my Mars bar," surely?

My favourite one of all time wasn't on these forums and was entitled: "Help! I've just injected cocaine into my cock"

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"And yet it continues......

You ok over there Jim?

Yes. This is quite amusing.

Not as good as "My lodger ate my Mars bar," surely?

My favourite one of all time wasn't on these forums and was entitled: "Help! I've just injected cocaine into my cock""

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By *r Man.Man over a year ago

London

Why didn't you tell his wife all about you and him the day after you shagged her husband.

But now you've been dumped, you ham sympathy for her.

Get up, shut up and live your life, and remember if you get with a married man again, it is what it is, your just a piece on the side,

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By *erbyDalesCplCouple over a year ago

Derbyshire

"And yet it continues......

You ok over there Jim?

Yes. This is quite amusing.

Not as good as "My lodger ate my Mars bar," surely?

I remember that thread! Now who started it?

Are we allowed to say?

I know it didn't end well, so there's no way I'm bumping that one back up to the front page

Forum search "lodger" still finds it though

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It sounds like revenge to me Op.

I think the one you want to hurt is him. You're annoyed he's still on an adult site and potentially going to find another woman whilst still living at home and enjoying the comforts therein. Sounds like he's got it made doesn't it, informing his wife of am affair, for whatever reason she's allowing him to still live there and meanwhile hes probably chatting to other women.

When and why did you break up, when you found out he was talking to other women, we're you hurt about his deceit.

Don't do anything Op. It's understandable you may be hurt by this, but accept that he enjoys the excitement of an illicit affair and he'll probably continue with it. Just continue with your own life, in time you will forget him and you'll be happy elsewhere and you will be glad you didn't get further involved

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By *irtyGirlWoman over a year ago

Edinburgh

This is a lesson in reading the whole thread before wasting your time with a reply.

Actually it's a bit of a shame to cry wolf in this way because when genuine people have a genuine issue and actually need advice, we're all a little bit more dubious and cynical about the motives behind the dilemma.

Still... nowt as strange as folk.

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By *erbyDalesCplCouple over a year ago

Derbyshire

If only (THUMB) did a really *big* thumbs-up

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"And yet it continues......

You ok over there Jim?

Yes. This is quite amusing.

Not as good as "My lodger ate my Mars bar," surely?

I remember that thread! Now who started it?

Are we allowed to say?

I know it didn't end well, so there's no way I'm bumping that one back up to the front page

Forum search "lodger" still finds it though

Lol found and read hilarious. It was posted over a year ago it made me really laugh. At least people are consistent

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By *erbyDalesCplCouple over a year ago

Derbyshire

Lol found and read hilarious. It was posted over a year ago it made me really laugh. At least people are consistent

Did you see there was a part 2 too? What I find very telling is the subsequent massive drop in men asking if any single women fancy a lodger

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"This is a lesson in reading the whole thread before wasting your time with a reply.

Still... nowt as strange as folk.

Naaaaah... you can't get more cynical than this lot.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I had an affair and I know I lied through my teeth at the time, it wasn't just one person it was multiple people (one was a bit more long term the other couple were just one night 'things') I would do or say anything at the time and I felt disgusted with myself when it all came out that I treated my then husband in such a way, I changed completely over a year, I wasn't the same person and after it all came out, I changed again, to 'save' my marriage, I told the truth entirely of what happened, I didn't hold back at all, it was important to my husband and myself I finally told the truth and it was so liberating that I did but nothing I said or did took that feeling of 'oh crap the feeling of feeling shitty' wouldn't go away.

This man is a liar and a cheat, no matter what you think, if he was with you and lying to his wife, the chances are he was lying and cheating with someone else, you need to just break away from this man and get on with your life, learn from it and never do it again. This man will get found out eventually, his wife will never forgive him (despite her saying she will) it will always be there

G x

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By *imiUKMan over a year ago

Hereford

No. This man is a fictional character...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Lol found and read hilarious. It was posted over a year ago it made me really laugh. At least people are consistent

Did you see there was a part 2 too? What I find very telling is the subsequent massive drop in men asking if any single women fancy a lodger

Yes I read both oh dear who knew a fun sized snicker

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

Where's Marjorie Proops when you need her?

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

"Busted or back pedalling?

Who knows..

C'mon Ruggers, even you must admit if any post ever needed the

emoji, this one is it!

OP: There are much more fun ways of getting to 176"

I can't use it, it would cause mayhem, but I often roll my eyes in real life while reading a thread. Will that do?

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

After reading the rest of the thread, there seems to be a lot of backtracking going on lately. I feel used and abused !

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By *irtyGirlWoman over a year ago

Edinburgh

"After reading the rest of the thread, there seems to be a lot of backtracking going on lately. I feel used and abused !"

And not in a good way?!

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