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Funniest TV quotes
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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WE'VEE'VEho remembers the funniest quotes you may have heard from your favourite TV programmes?
Here's a good one from The Young Ones.
"Have we got a video? "
"YES WE'VE GOT A VIDEO!!" |
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Countdown - akersnw - both players and myself got it  (re-jumbled, but may not be the same sequence that came out on the show)
Johnny and Fanny Craddock (you have to be a certain age), making doughnuts, closing comment from Johnny on live TV, "I hope all your doughnuts turn out like Fanny's" |
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Slightly at a tangent, but a couple of my favourite John Arlott quotes.
"The batsman's Holding, the bowler's Willy"
"it's risen sharply and caught Boycott in the groin and he's writhing around on the floor now, in some considerable pain. Oh, but he's back on his feet - with one ball left"
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From Flasheart in Blackadder:
All right men, let's do it. The first thing to remember is always treat your kite (a plane) like you treat your woman
George in reply: Do you mean take her home at weekends to meet your mother?
Flasheart: No, I mean get inside her five times a day and take her to heaven and back! |
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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in North Norfolk |
"From Flasheart in Blackadder:
All right men, let's do it. The first thing to remember is always treat your kite (a plane) like you treat your woman
George in reply: Do you mean take her home at weekends to meet your mother?
Flasheart: No, I mean get inside her five times a day and take her to heaven and back!"
I  Flashy  |
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Bradley Walsh character in Corrie says to unkempt son:
"You need to go and comb you hair boy"
"I already did!"
"What with, a toffee apple?"
Apparently an ad lib by Walsh that they kept in but had to re-film lots of times before they could do it straight. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"This is Papa Bear. Put out an APB for a male suspect, driving a... car of some sort, heading in the direction of... you know, that place that sells chili. Suspect is hatless. Repeat, hatless."
-Chief Wiggum |
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""This is Papa Bear. Put out an APB for a male suspect, driving a... car of some sort, heading in the direction of... you know, that place that sells chili. Suspect is hatless. Repeat, hatless."
-Chief Wiggum"
LOL
Was that Who Shot Monty Burns? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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""This is Papa Bear. Put out an APB for a male suspect, driving a... car of some sort, heading in the direction of... you know, that place that sells chili. Suspect is hatless. Repeat, hatless."
-Chief Wiggum
LOL
Was that Who Shot Monty Burns?"
Homer's Triple Bypass, one of the best episode in my opinion. |
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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in North Norfolk |
""This is Papa Bear. Put out an APB for a male suspect, driving a... car of some sort, heading in the direction of... you know, that place that sells chili. Suspect is hatless. Repeat, hatless."
-Chief Wiggum
LOL
Was that Who Shot Monty Burns?
Homer's Triple Bypass, one of the best episode in my opinion."
My favourite is the gay steel mill one. |
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By *omguyMan
over a year ago
Romford |
From Porridge when there's a boxing contest. Fletcher is telling Macay about a guy who boxed in fairground twice a night 7 days a week.
Fletcher: The body can't take that kind of punishment, he ended up an incoherent gibbering wreck.
Makay: What happened to him?
Fletcher: He joined the prison service as a warden, he's doing very well. |
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By *olgateMan
over a year ago
on the road to nowhere in particular |
Another Portidge one.
Fletcher "they've got him working in the kitchen, what's he in for? Poisoning that's what"
Godber " is that why the call him arsenic?"
"No that's cos he sat on a razor blade" |
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Gotta love Family Guy
During the sexual abstention/ear sex one.
Tom Tucker "...new sexual craze sweeping Quahog, ear sex. The word is, when you go black, you go deaf"
Bedroom scene - (something like) Peter "...people who have sex turn gay, and gay people become Mexicans. That's how it works Lois, everyone moves down a notch"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"From Flasheart in Blackadder:
All right men, let's do it. The first thing to remember is always treat your kite (a plane) like you treat your woman
George in reply: Do you mean take her home at weekends to meet your mother?
Flasheart: No, I mean get inside her five times a day and take her to heaven and back!"
yes one of my favourites  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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A recent one from the latest episode of Family Guy cracked me up laughing. It was at a cutaway gag featuring characters from the nightmare before christmas celebrating the 4th of July.
Jack Skellington: Fat chicks with black hair get tattoos of me |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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On porridge when fletcher goes to the medic...and he mentions his bad feet a load of times
Dr: are you a practicing homosexual fletcher?
Fletcher: what with my feet?!
Does me in everytime |
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By *olgateMan
over a year ago
on the road to nowhere in particular |
"On porridge when fletcher goes to the medic...and he mentions his bad feet a load of times
Dr: are you a practicing homosexual fletcher?
Fletcher: what with my feet?!
Does me in everytime "
Fill that specimen bottle
What from here? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Irish commentator George Hammilton when commentating a football game between Republic of Ireland and Spain once said when the Spanish manager was about to substitute his captain who was playing well;
'I don't believe it, the manager is pulling off his captain '
Co commentator nearly pissed himself laughing. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ted Lowe when commentating on a snooker match (a long time ago) ... "For those of you watching in black and white, the pink is next to the green".
Priceless
"
Call me a snooker geek but that would've been helpful if the green was on it's spot.
Similarly, the famous John Motsom quote,"For those of you watching in black and white, Spurs are playing in yellow". Motty is such a nerd I think he assumed viewers would want to know this fact so they could go and write it in their notebooks! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Hello Sally, h-hey its Peter Griffen. Yeah, that's right, senior prom, yeah it's been a while..so listen, um, I just found out that Im retarted and um, I'm just calling to let you know that uh, you might want to get yourself tested |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Anything gavin and Stacey for me
Nessa: How's it going, alright?
Smithy: OK, I'm glad you brought it up, cos I've got a girlfriend who a lot of people here know, so I'd appreciate it...
Nessa: Where to she now, then?
Smithy: What?
Nessa: Where to she now?
Smithy: Right, either speak English or learn Welsh, cos that, "where to she"... do you you mean where is she now?
Nessa: Yeah.
Smithy: Say that, then.
Nessa: Where is she now?
Smithy: Sixth-Formers netball tournament in Southend. She couldn't get out of it, she's wing attack.
G x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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[Stacey has found out that Nessa is pregnant]
Stacey: You've got to tell Smithy.
Nessa: I can't.
Stacey: You've got to.
Nessa: He's a twat!
Stacey: I know. But he's the father of your child.
Nessa: I just can't believe this, Stace. Of all the people I've slept with it's him gets me pregnant. Not Nigel Havers, not John Prescott, not any of Goldie Lookin Chain. No, some knobhead from Essex.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Albert - During the .......
Del - If you say during the war i'll pour this cup of tea over your head
Albert - I wasn't going to say during the war
Del - Alright then
Albert - Bloody know it all
Del - Sorry
Albert - That's alright, during the 1939-1945 conflict with Germany .......
Still makes me laugh |
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