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So..... the wife has seen......

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago

The website for Mingles club in Colchester, and she knows exactly what goes on there!

She knows I go to a swingers club, but doesn't want to go herself but I hope that if I give her enough time and space she will eventually want to come and see just how nice a place is, and the people there are friendly too.

Anyone else in this situation? How did you manage to get her to a club?

Thoughts please....

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

I don't know your wife, what's her personality? Or to be more specific, her sexual personality?

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By *isscheekychopsWoman  over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

Give her space and time, it can't be one sided you both have to want to go you can't force her to go...

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By *awandOrderCouple  over a year ago

SW London

I wouldn't be going about getting my partner to go anywhere is an underhanded way, our relationship is not like that .... he does try to get me into shoe shops like that though, and I think they are a waste of time and money.

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago

She is a very shy sort of person, doesn't like meeting new people etc...

I have told her on numerous occasions it's a friendly club, it's not all about sex! Even though it's a swingers club, people there are more social than anything else

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"She is a very shy sort of person, doesn't like meeting new people etc...

I have told her on numerous occasions it's a friendly club, it's not all about sex! Even though it's a swingers club, people there are more social than anything else "

I'd drop it

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"She is a very shy sort of person, doesn't like meeting new people etc...

I have told her on numerous occasions it's a friendly club, it's not all about sex! Even though it's a swingers club, people there are more social than anything else "

Its terrifying to a extent! I still haven't been to a club, dying too however I'm far to shy and reserved. It'd have to be lights out, a quick fumble, "well that was nice, night" and go to sleep lol

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By *ady LickWoman  over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere


"She is a very shy sort of person, doesn't like meeting new people etc...

I have told her on numerous occasions it's a friendly club, it's not all about sex! Even though it's a swingers club, people there are more social than anything else "

If she's happy for you to go she must be intrigued surely? Even if it's just a teeny bit?

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By *isscheekychopsWoman  over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

If she doesn't want to go she doesn't want to go...just something you are going to have to deal with in whatever way it's a huge ask to ask someone to go to a swingers club who possibly has not clue to the lifestyle

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By *icecouple561Couple  over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex


"She is a very shy sort of person, doesn't like meeting new people etc...

I have told her on numerous occasions it's a friendly club, it's not all about sex! Even though it's a swingers club, people there are more social than anything else "

I understand absolutely that you want the person you love to enjoy life but they won't always get pleasure from the same things you do.

If I were in your wife's position being a shy person the thought that my husband was talking about me like this would cause me distress.

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago

She knows I talk about her all the time to the club owners

She is intrigued in a way, but I have to give her time amd space to want to come out and see for herself just how nice the place is, even if it's social only.

A nightclub with a little bit of sexy atmosphere added, that's the way I treat the place, and want her to come out and enjoy meeting new people, there's no rule saying you have to play... just chat and make friends

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By *icecouple561Couple  over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex


"She knows I talk about her all the time to the club owners

She is intrigued in a way, but I have to give her time amd space to want to come out and see for herself just how nice the place is, even if it's social only.

A nightclub with a little bit of sexy atmosphere added, that's the way I treat the place, and want her to come out and enjoy meeting new people, there's no rule saying you have to play... just chat and make friends "

Ok we know all about what "you" want how about what she wants?

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago

She wants me to be happy... and for that to happen I would love to be able to walk into the club one night and say to everyone 'this is the wife' that I have beem talking about for soo long!

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By *icketysplitsWoman  over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound


"She knows I talk about her all the time to the club owners

She is intrigued in a way, but I have to give her time amd space to want to come out and see for herself just how nice the place is, even if it's social only.

A nightclub with a little bit of sexy atmosphere added, that's the way I treat the place, and want her to come out and enjoy meeting new people, there's no rule saying you have to play... just chat and make friends "

How does she feel about going to nightclubs?

She might be intrigued, she might be happy (or just tolerant) of you going to clubs but what is driving you to want to push it further when she hasn't indicated she's ready yet?

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By *icketysplitsWoman  over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound


"She wants me to be happy... and for that to happen I would love to be able to walk into the club one night and say to everyone 'this is the wife' that I have beem talking about for soo long! "

So you can coerce her into going by saying, This is what will make me happy?

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"The website for Mingles club in Colchester, and she knows exactly what goes on there!

She knows I go to a swingers club, but doesn't want to go herself but I hope that if I give her enough time and space she will eventually want to come and see just how nice a place is, and the people there are friendly too.

Anyone else in this situation? How did you manage to get her to a club?

Do you partake at the clubs and if so is she aware of this?

Thoughts please...."

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago

Christ! Why do people try and shoot others down all the time???

I have been honest with her, unlike a few thousand 'single' men on here that are playing away without their wives knowledge, at least mine knows where I am on a Friday night!

I asked for suggestions as to how to get her to come along one night, she is intrigued about the lifestyle, but doesn't want to fuck everyone in sight.

I would be happy for her to just come along and chat to friends I have made there, just trying to get her out of her shell and start to enjoy meeting nee people etc...

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By *icecouple561Couple  over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex


"Christ! Why do people try and shoot others down all the time???

I have been honest with her, unlike a few thousand 'single' men on here that are playing away without their wives knowledge, at least mine knows where I am on a Friday night!

I asked for suggestions as to how to get her to come along one night, she is intrigued about the lifestyle, but doesn't want to fuck everyone in sight.

I would be happy for her to just come along and chat to friends I have made there, just trying to get her out of her shell and start to enjoy meeting nee people etc..."

We're not trying to shoot you down, we're saying how we see the situation wondering if you might think about it in a different way.

I'm not sure why you can't talk to your wife and ask her what would make her more willing to accompany you, that would be my suggestion anyway.

Good luck to you both.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

How about see if she'll meet these friends in a pub or something else?

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago

Sorry if I sounded rude in my last comment, it's just sooo many people are ready to jump on everything I post and try to rilee up for an argument.

Wasn't aimed at you

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago


"How about see if she'll meet these friends in a pub or something else?"

Think I will try this option soon

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By *icecouple561Couple  over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex


"Sorry if I sounded rude in my last comment, it's just sooo many people are ready to jump on everything I post and try to rilee up for an argument.

Wasn't aimed at you"

Me? It's fine.

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By *isscheekychopsWoman  over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon


"Sorry if I sounded rude in my last comment, it's just sooo many people are ready to jump on everything I post and try to rilee up for an argument.

Wasn't aimed at you"

You are posting about someone who isn't here to defend herself or put her point across no one is trying to start an arguement it's just not fair on your wife to talk about her in this manner

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

i came out of my first club meet in tears - terrified and that was after i had talked about it for months and knew all about everything - took me a long time to go again and now look at me - dont push her at all is my advice

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"How about see if she'll meet these friends in a pub or something else?"

and this - this would have helped me lots in the very beginning -

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"How about see if she'll meet these friends in a pub or something else?"

Neutral ground, sounds like a good place to start.

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By *irtyGirlWoman  over a year ago

Edinburgh

I'm curious... is she happy?

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

I think you should let her decide. You brought it up to her, that's all I think you should do. Anyway, that's how Marc and I decided. He brought it up when we were discussing fantasies and it was ultimately my decision.

Without knowing your wife I couldn't advise anything else.

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago

Im not going to push her at all, just want her to see its a nice friendly place to have a drink and chill out.... its not all about sex, as I said earlier

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago


"I'm curious... is she happy?"

Yes she is happy.... if she wasn't then I would be out on the streets by now.

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By *riskynriskyCouple  over a year ago

Essex.

How about taking her there one day when it's closed. That way she can see the venue and its surroundings without fear of you trying to talk her in there.

If she does that butt is still that nervous, do it again one night when it is closed.

Follow that by visiting one night when it is open and park up nearby so she can see the people who attend.

Maybe her idea of a swingers club is from films and she expects all the women to be models. It would show her that we are normal people of all different shapes and sizes...

It's difficult as people don't know your wife.

With Frisky I egg her on to push her boundaries. As long as I don't push too much, too fast, it helps her try new things but that doesn't work for everyone...

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By *irtyGirlWoman  over a year ago

Edinburgh


"I'm curious... is she happy?

Yes she is happy.... if she wasn't then I would be out on the streets by now. "

Fair enough... I just wondered if she tolerated you disappearing on a Friday night to make you happy.

It's a tricky situation all round, you can't persuade someone into something they don't feel comfortable with and the club scene terrified me to begin with and I was fully aware of what it would be like. If she's shy I'd be inclined to let it go at her pace.

Communication is clearly important but I'm sure you're aware of that.

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By *ugby 123Couple  over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo


"She is a very shy sort of person, doesn't like meeting new people etc...

I have told her on numerous occasions it's a friendly club, it's not all about sex! Even though it's a swingers club, people there are more social than anything else "

It sounds like she has made her mind up not to go, sometimes it is best to accept that rather than try and get her to go.

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago

I have spoken to bex and jason about this (club owners) and they are more than happy for her to come along on a day when it's closed for customers.

As for the other poster, I have told her that the people there are all shapes and sizes, and that it's not about being a glamour model

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By *ugby 123Couple  over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo


"Sorry if I sounded rude in my last comment, it's just sooo many people are ready to jump on everything I post and try to rilee up for an argument.

Wasn't aimed at you"

You asked for advice, people were giving it

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago

The thing is.... she knows its a swingers club, amd knows people will be undressed there, she doesn't mind me going, and knows that I do take my clothes off sometimes..... that's what she's scared of she thinks she will have to too... but it's not like that at all.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Sorry if I sounded rude in my last comment, it's just sooo many people are ready to jump on everything I post and try to rilee up for an argument.

Wasn't aimed at you"

I've not seen many posts that aren't saturated with negative comments tbh lol

I would tell her all the positive things about the club and all the things she would like about it. It might be the longer you go the harder it is for her to join you..maybe a wee break from it for a wee while and concentrate on her and not think bout it. Would any of the people from the club meet in the pub for few drinks....make her feel bit more at ease. Good luck. Mrs A x

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By *ugby 123Couple  over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

Not being funny but if you have explained how it works to her and she still doesn't want to go....she is telling you...I don't want to go.

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago

Thanks Mrs A

I have been trying to find some time where a few friends are free and we can meet up im a pub, but been so busy with work over the last month I haven't even been able to go to the club to arrange anything.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"The thing is.... she knows its a swingers club, amd knows people will be undressed there, she doesn't mind me going, and knows that I do take my clothes off sometimes..... that's what she's scared of she thinks she will have to too... but it's not like that at all. "

she may also be feeling that even if she's not pressured to take her clothes off by others that she'll feel the odd one out. Is she comfortable maybe being in the minority, being clothed?

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago


"The thing is.... she knows its a swingers club, amd knows people will be undressed there, she doesn't mind me going, and knows that I do take my clothes off sometimes..... that's what she's scared of she thinks she will have to too... but it's not like that at all.

she may also be feeling that even if she's not pressured to take her clothes off by others that she'll feel the odd one out. Is she comfortable maybe being in the minority, being clothed?"

Not everyone that goes there takes their clothes off, some people use the club socially to talk to others she will not be the odd one out.

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By *icecouple561Couple  over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex


"The thing is.... she knows its a swingers club, amd knows people will be undressed there, she doesn't mind me going, and knows that I do take my clothes off sometimes..... that's what she's scared of she thinks she will have to too... but it's not like that at all. "

Why isn't she believing what you say? Listen to what your wife isn't saying. I know that sounds daft but if as you say you have reassured her in every way possible and she still doesn't want to go stating the very things you have reassured her about as reasons not to, she might be trying to tell you she doesn't want to go ever. You say she wants you to be happy, she knows her going to the club would do that so she doesn't want to say no outright because it would make you unhappy. We put a terrible burden on ourselves when we take responsibility for other people's happiness.

Of course all the above might be rubbish because I don't know your wife so again my suggestion is talk and listen.

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By *icecouple561Couple  over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex


"Not being funny but if you have explained how it works to her and she still doesn't want to go....she is telling you...I don't want to go."

Yes! Said in a few words what it took me thousands to say

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago

Nicecouple...

I fully understand what your saying, I have tried to make her feel at ease by showing her the website and all the reviews etc.

At the end of the day it's her decision, but I feel now that maybe I shouldn't go anymore because of what sort of place it is?

I enjoy my time there, social drink and have a laugh with friends that I have made, but maybe of she doesn't want to go it could be her way of asking me not to go anymore?

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By *ugby 123Couple  over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo


"Not being funny but if you have explained how it works to her and she still doesn't want to go....she is telling you...I don't want to go.

Yes! Said in a few words what it took me thousands to say "

Mr Ruggers says in real life I do the whole thousands words when 4 would do so we nearly match

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Nicecouple...

I fully understand what your saying, I have tried to make her feel at ease by showing her the website and all the reviews etc.

At the end of the day it's her decision, but I feel now that maybe I shouldn't go anymore because of what sort of place it is?

I enjoy my time there, social drink and have a laugh with friends that I have made, but maybe of she doesn't want to go it could be her way of asking me not to go anymore? "

It could be, is she like that normally in her approach.?

You could ask her outright but you need to be prepared to give the club up if she doesn't want you to attend anymore.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Thanks Mrs A

I have been trying to find some time where a few friends are free and we can meet up im a pub, but been so busy with work over the last month I haven't even been able to go to the club to arrange anything.

"

No probs at all. First time going to a club can be uncomfortable and embarrassing and I think more so for females (just going by the people I've spoken to) so know how she feels although it was myself who inniciated going. Hope you get it sorted and it all works out x

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago

I would give it up in a heartbeat, it would be hard as I have made some lovely friends there, that's why I want her to come along too... to see that the people there are 'normal' and not sex maniacs! Lol

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago


"Thanks Mrs A

I have been trying to find some time where a few friends are free and we can meet up im a pub, but been so busy with work over the last month I haven't even been able to go to the club to arrange anything.

No probs at all. First time going to a club can be uncomfortable and embarrassing and I think more so for females (just going by the people I've spoken to) so know how she feels although it was myself who inniciated going. Hope you get it sorted and it all works out x"

Gotta admit, I was nervous the first time I went.... now its my second home!

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Yeah I first walked in a nervous wreck. ...now I walk in like a bitch.....well Mr A's bitch x

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago

Lol... im the first person to arrive and usually the last out the door too!

I blame the owners for being soo bloody nice and welcoming

(Luvs ya Bex n Jason if your reading this )

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Lol... im the first person to arrive and usually the last out the door too!

I blame the owners for being soo bloody nice and welcoming

(Luvs ya Bex n Jason if your reading this )"

Ask her to go for an hour, when hour is up say goodnight at head home, then discuss if she wants to go again

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago


"Lol... im the first person to arrive and usually the last out the door too!

I blame the owners for being soo bloody nice and welcoming

(Luvs ya Bex n Jason if your reading this )

Ask her to go for an hour, when hour is up say goodnight at head home, then discuss if she wants to go again "

Have suggested that to her, go for 30 mins just to see the club and the way it is run, thought I was getting somewhere with her but she keeps going back to being shy

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By *reenEyedWifeCouple  over a year ago

Market Harborough

Honestly OP, if she lets you go and it's your thing, enjoy it and don't try to drag her along. Just leave her be.

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago

I would like her to see for herself it's not a sleazy place like the telly makes these clubs out to be.

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago

Well im gonna leave it in her hands now, and maybe. ..just maybe she may decide that she wants to come along one evening to see for herself it's a nice comfortable place to hang out and relax with nice friendly people.

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By *iamondjoeMan  over a year ago

Glastonbury

Lol

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By *iamondjoeMan  over a year ago

Glastonbury

Dude, let it go.

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago

Joe... if you was in my situation mate, you wouldn't be saying that.

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By *ool-ladMan  over a year ago

Hartlepool


"The website for Mingles club in Colchester, and she knows exactly what goes on there!

She knows I go to a swingers club, but doesn't want to go herself but I hope that if I give her enough time and space she will eventually want to come and see just how nice a place is, and the people there are friendly too.

Anyone else in this situation? How did you manage to get her to a club?

Thoughts please...."

oh dear, really not my place to comment..... but enough of shy ol' me....

Marmite, you start by saying you:

"hope..... she will eventually want to come"

but then you close with:

"How did you manage to get her to a club?"

......

Two distinct dynamics there: hoping for something v. getting her somewhere.

As the shyer (tho by no means innocent) half of a swinging couple for quite a few years, i'm fairly proud of the confidence levels I now have - due largely to the affections of a persuasive man: my partner.

That's not to say the shy-er me was less 'happy' (and certainly, i get my fair share of crap sex these days lol). It seems you're not seeing past the immediate goal you've set for yourself (and for mrs marmite) - Ok so say she comes to the club....what next? Will she ever catch up with your sexual adventurism?

With an affection for you that you won't understand (you're not gay, so there), please take this kindly:

As much as you try to influence *her* it seems her influence on you is causing you a degree of frustration, or stress. xx good luck mr & mrs M

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By *ee VianteWoman  over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

It sounds like you're trying too hard to persuade her and are more likely to put her off.

If you've told her about the place, explained how it works and who goes, and she still doesn't want to go, leave her be. You say you know you need to give her space but if you've come across to her as even partially as invested in getting her there as you've come across to us, she probably feels under a lot of pressure.

Leave it at, "I'd love you to come with me but only when you're ready" and pushing what a great place it is and how much you want her to go.

Unless she tells you she doesn't want you to go any more, or gives you a reason to think that's what she wants, carry on going and be thankful she's ok with it. A lot if guys don't have that so don't spoil it by pushing for too much, too soon.

At the moment, she doesn't want to go and if you care about her as much as you say, you'll back off and respect that.

I could happily exist in an open relationship where my partner had meets without me. However if he continued to try to "encourage" me to do something after I'd said I didn't want to, I'd have serious problems with that. I'd feel he wasn't respecting me.

Sometimes these things come down to a need to compromise and not keep pushing for all your own way. She's happy for you to go, maybe you should show her the same consideration and be happy for her not to go.

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By *ee VianteWoman  over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

* and stop pushing what a great place it is and how much you want her to go.

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By *ornyspiceCouple  over a year ago

Norwich

You could always invite your friends round to your's for pre drinks & nibbles before going to the club that's if your wife is happy to do this. This way she gets to meet these people in her own environment.

When your friends have left to make their way to the club, leave it and let your wife approach you about them and the club.

If you do invite them round just rest assure to the wife that's all what intended.

Just a thought.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

It seems swinging isnt for her.

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By *ee VianteWoman  over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk


"It seems swinging isnt for her."

At least not yet.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"It seems swinging isnt for her.

At least not yet."

That is right too lol

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"The website for Mingles club in Colchester, and she knows exactly what goes on there!

She knows I go to a swingers club, but doesn't want to go herself but I hope that if I give her enough time and space she will eventually want to come and see just how nice a place is, and the people there are friendly too.

Anyone else in this situation? How did you manage to get her to a club?

Thoughts please...."

don't;

cherish your wife, respect her views and don't try to change her or model her on something or how you want her to be

if she don't want too, then you must respect that

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"The website for Mingles club in Colchester, and she knows exactly what goes on there!

She knows I go to a swingers club, but doesn't want to go herself but I hope that if I give her enough time and space she will eventually want to come and see just how nice a place is, and the people there are friendly too.

Anyone else in this situation? How did you manage to get her to a club?

Thoughts please...."

15 years of discussion a D begging. 18 months since she agreed to try it and we took our first steps, she's totally hooked and wishes We'd done it years ago.

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By *isscheekychopsWoman  over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

Sometimes I do wonder just how many people are forced into swinging by pushy other halves....

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By *icecouple561Couple  over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex


"Nicecouple...

I fully understand what your saying, I have tried to make her feel at ease by showing her the website and all the reviews etc.

At the end of the day it's her decision, but I feel now that maybe I shouldn't go anymore because of what sort of place it is?

I enjoy my time there, social drink and have a laugh with friends that I have made, but maybe of she doesn't want to go it could be her way of asking me not to go anymore? "

I didn't mean she doesn't want you to go. She quite obviously from what you say doesn't want to go herself. If you are as persistent and single minded with her as you have been with us I suspect you are only strengthening her resolve.

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By *ee VianteWoman  over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk


"Sometimes I do wonder just how many people are forced into swinging by pushy other halves...."

Quite a few I suspect

Certainly a lot of women are pushed into bi experiences to please their other halves. There have been a couple of threads about it recently.

I can't imagine doing something you don't want to do and feel uncomfortable about just because your partner thinks it's hot. It sounds dreadful.

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By *ee VianteWoman  over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk


"Nicecouple...

I fully understand what your saying, I have tried to make her feel at ease by showing her the website and all the reviews etc.

At the end of the day it's her decision, but I feel now that maybe I shouldn't go anymore because of what sort of place it is?

I enjoy my time there, social drink and have a laugh with friends that I have made, but maybe of she doesn't want to go it could be her way of asking me not to go anymore?

I didn't mean she doesn't want you to go. She quite obviously from what you say doesn't want to go herself. If you are as persistent and single minded with her as you have been with us I suspect you are only strengthening her resolve. "

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 30/03/16 09:13:33]

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago

As I said earlier, im not going to push her any further, she has seen the place from online, it's up to her of she wants to come along with me next time I go.

Would have thought there were more people that actually had this situation, but then again it is (mostly) single men here.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Sometimes I do wonder just how many people are forced into swinging by pushy other halves....

Quite a few I suspect

Certainly a lot of women are pushed into bi experiences to please their other halves. There have been a couple of threads about it recently.

I can't imagine doing something you don't want to do and feel uncomfortable about just because your partner thinks it's hot. It sounds dreadful."

I'm not sure how long you could sustain a relationship in those situations. I would end up hating the other person for making me feel that way.

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By *ee VianteWoman  over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk


"Sometimes I do wonder just how many people are forced into swinging by pushy other halves....

Quite a few I suspect

Certainly a lot of women are pushed into bi experiences to please their other halves. There have been a couple of threads about it recently.

I can't imagine doing something you don't want to do and feel uncomfortable about just because your partner thinks it's hot. It sounds dreadful.

I'm not sure how long you could sustain a relationship in those situations. I would end up hating the other person for making me feel that way.

"

I resent it enough when strangers on here treat me like a free prostitute or some kind of sex toy or accessory to fulfil their fantasies or fetishes. I can't imagine how I'd feel if a partner I loved and trusted did it.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

I told my girlfriend about fab, and said "hey, why don't you get a profile, it would be nice having you in there" she said isn't it all elderly couples throwing car keys in bowls, so I showed her a couple if threads, her reaction was priceless.

"Its not what I thought it was, but I have people talking bollocks to me all day" I said most of the people on here are interesting and intelligent people, she said "not them, you ya numpty" nice to know you have a good woman behind you eh lol

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By *arksMan  over a year ago

in the centre

Maybe she has her own arrangement on a Friday night

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By *icecouple561Couple  over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex


"As I said earlier, im not going to push her any further, she has seen the place from online, it's up to her of she wants to come along with me next time I go.

Would have thought there were more people that actually had this situation, but then again it is (mostly) single men here. "

Well that's settled then, you're dropping the subject with her and waiting until she brings it up. That's a good move in my opinion and one she will appreciate I'm sure. Good luck to you both.

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 30/03/16 09:30:33]

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By *ELLONS AND CREAMWoman  over a year ago

stourbridge area

Lol .... "this is the wife"????

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago

It may be a swingers club, but that doesn't give a green light to play.

I would like her to come for a social night out, but instead of a nightclub with expensive drinks, I would like to take her to a sexy club with friendly people.

I have NEVER said in ANY of my posts that I want people to fuck her, as I know this will not be happening, she has made it clear to me that she doesn't want anyone else's cock up her.

I am not looking for anything more than a social night out, please can people understand that when they comment. Thanks

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By *ee VianteWoman  over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk


"It may be a swingers club, but that doesn't give a green light to play.

I would like her to come for a social night out, but instead of a nightclub with expensive drinks, I would like to take her to a sexy club with friendly people.

I have NEVER said in AND of my posts that I want people to fuck her, as I know this will not be happening, she has made it clear to me that she doesn't want anyone else's cock up her.

I am not looking for anything more than a social night out, please can people understand that when they comment. Thanks "

But she doesn't want to go, whether people fuck her or not!

Even if you can't see why. Even if it's just like a nightclub. Even if it's really friendly. Even if you love it. Even if you think she'll love it.

She doesn't want to.

You'd be unhappy if she wanted you to stop going because it's something you don't want to do. Now put yourself in her shoes and think about how she feels about being "persuaded" to do something she doesn't want to do.

You sound obsessed with the idea of getting her there. As said above, if you've come across this intense with her, you're probably putting her off more.

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago


"Maybe she has her own arrangement on a Friday night "

Hehe.. well she does get the attention from a single guy in her work

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By *ugby 123Couple  over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo


"As I said earlier, im not going to push her any further, she has seen the place from online, it's up to her of she wants to come along with me next time I go.

Would have thought there were more people that actually had this situation, but then again it is (mostly) single men here. "

Sadly your posts suggest you won't let it drop with your wife, which in turn will probably feel like pressure to do something she has said she doesn't want to a few times to you.

If it was me, I would be asking my OH to respect my wishes and drop it.

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago

Dee.... if only you knew how patient i have been, I may come across as being a but persuasive on here, but in all honesty I wait for her to start the subject off, she has been asking recently and I have been answering the questions, she looked for herself about the club, the reviews (some funny) and everything else has been up to her, all I would like is for her to accompany me one night.... and it will only be a social visit.

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By *ophieslutTV/TS  over a year ago

Central

Don't coerce her ever. She's either potentially interested or not.

Start small if she is and she'd prefer not to be thrown in the deep end. Bukkake at home, limited invites - seriously, have social meets with others, rather than sex club visits.

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By *ee VianteWoman  over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk


"...all I would like is for her to accompany me one night.... and it will only be a social visit.

"

This is it. All about what you want.

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By *ugby 123Couple  over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo


"It may be a swingers club, but that doesn't give a green light to play.

I would like her to come for a social night out, but instead of a nightclub with expensive drinks, I would like to take her to a sexy club with friendly people.

I have NEVER said in ANY of my posts that I want people to fuck her, as I know this will not be happening, she has made it clear to me that she doesn't want anyone else's cock up her.

I am not looking for anything more than a social night out, please can people understand that when they comment. Thanks "

But she probably isn't thinking the same as you, she could be thinking, why does he want me to go to a sex club just to socialise, he might be thinking he could talk me into having another mans cock inside me and as he is trying to talk me into going in the first place then sod that for a lark, let him go himself.

Respect your ladies wishes.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"It may be a swingers club, but that doesn't give a green light to play.

I would like her to come for a social night out, but instead of a nightclub with expensive drinks, I would like to take her to a sexy club with friendly people.

I have NEVER said in ANY of my posts that I want people to fuck her, as I know this will not be happening, she has made it clear to me that she doesn't want anyone else's cock up her.

I am not looking for anything more than a social night out, please can people understand that when they comment. Thanks "

I think we do understand what you're saying but I don't think you're liking our comments.

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago

I don't mind the comments, it's just a shame that there are people that hasn't read a single word i have typed.

It may seem one sided by my posts, but I can assure you all I am not like that with her.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

If she is curious and looking for herself then leave her to it. Honestly, the worst thing Marc could ever do is push me on anything having to do with swinging. Let her go at her own pace. And if that doesn't lead to anything, even a social, then it should end there.

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By *icecouple561Couple  over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex


"I don't mind the comments, it's just a shame that there are people that hasn't read a single word i have typed.

It may seem one sided by my posts, but I can assure you all I am not like that with her."

What are you like with her then?

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

If you just use it to socialise could you not do that in a pub with vanilla friends ?

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By *ee VianteWoman  over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk


"I don't mind the comments, it's just a shame that there are people that hasn't read a single word i have typed.

It may seem one sided by my posts, but I can assure you all I am not like that with her."

We have read. Because we aren't agreeing with you doesn't mean we don't understand the situation.

You seem desperate to try to convince us of something. I'm not even sure what.

You've said you'll drop it with her and I really think you should.

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By *ugby 123Couple  over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo


"I don't mind the comments, it's just a shame that there are people that hasn't read a single word i have typed.

It may seem one sided by my posts, but I can assure you all I am not like that with her."

I am guessing all of us did. We are just looking at it from what could be your wifes point of view.

If I didn't want to go to a sex club then I wouldn't want to socialise in it either.

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By *icecouple561Couple  over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex


"I don't mind the comments, it's just a shame that there are people that hasn't read a single word i have typed.

It may seem one sided by my posts, but I can assure you all I am not like that with her.

We have read. Because we aren't agreeing with you doesn't mean we don't understand the situation.

You seem desperate to try to convince us of something. I'm not even sure what.

You've said you'll drop it with her and I really think you should."

I suspect that the person he's trying to convince is himself. It really is only social, I only take my clothes off because other people do, I don't want her to have sex with anyone else, I'm not coercing her...say it enough times to enough people and it becomes true.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

50 yes's and a no, still means no, don't push it, when I was married there's no way I would have taken her fishing, for one she didn't want to, and another thing, if you send all of your time together, shit gets stale really quickly.

You could end up wrecking a good thing there, you think a single woman in fab is rare, having a wife that is happy for you to go out to a swingers club is like a lady unicorns penis.

Don't kill the goose that lays the golden egg, just because you want perfection, no marriage is perfect, marriage is about comprimises, you tolerate each others flaws, because the rest of it makes it worth it, but when it stood being worth it, you could lose more than you ever had to gain

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"...having a wife that is happy for you to go out to a swingers club is like a lady unicorns penis."

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By *llen n SebbCouple  over a year ago

Walkinstown


"The website for Mingles club in Colchester, and she knows exactly what goes on there!

She knows I go to a swingers club, but doesn't want to go herself but I hope that if I give her enough time and space she will eventually want to come and see just how nice a place is, and the people there are friendly too.

Anyone else in this situation? How did you manage to get her to a club?

Thoughts please...."

"...manage to get her into a club..." ?

There is no managing or getting her to do anything. If a person doesn't want to go, then they won't go and can't / shouldn't be coerced.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"The website for Mingles club in Colchester, and she knows exactly what goes on there!

She knows I go to a swingers club, but doesn't want to go herself but I hope that if I give her enough time and space she will eventually want to come and see just how nice a place is, and the people there are friendly too.

Anyone else in this situation? How did you manage to get her to a club?

Thoughts please...."

She's seen the website,you've spoken to her about what happens there,she doesn't want to go. I know you think you are doing her a service by trying to get her to go,but we're talking about a place where people get naked and have sex with strangers. It may not be because she is shy, it may not appeal to her. I'm not shy in the least,but I have zero interest in going to a club.

If you've spoken to her and reassured he she won't see naked people or be expected to have sex,and you won't go off to have sex and leave her on her own,then you shouldn't try to coerce her.

You could force her,of course; tell her you'll divorce her if she doesn't go. She may love it and be running around naked,in and out of rooms having sex with all and sundry. Or she could hate you for forcing her and divorce you anyway.

You may just have to accept that it's a past time you will be doing alone. My ex tried to get me to play golf with him; I told him by the 3rd tee he would be wearing the golf club as a scarf

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By *ensual temptressWoman  over a year ago

Southampton

You state you want nothing but a social night out with her .... take her to a restaurant then !

All through your post and replies is a constant theme

" Id like nothing more " ,"I just want her to see how great and friendly the people are" ... I..I.. I . What about respecting what she wants ?? She's made her position clear by saying no to the suggestions of going for half hour or when clubs closed .That ends the conversation in my book. She may look at the reviews and ask you about it ..I ask my hubby how his golfing going ,I can assure you I have no intention of going out on the course with him lol. I am mearly just taking an interest in what he enjoys because I know it's something he's interested in.

It feels to me if she did go you'd not leave there ..it would be when you could get her back to the club again . I just feel that you hope if you get her there she may actually want to play eventually .

I'm sure if at anytime she wants to go to the club shed be the first to tell you.

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By *ensual temptressWoman  over a year ago

Southampton

I just saw your post I'm no angel..pmsl !! I had to laugh about the golf as I said similar just this second .all power to you for giving it a try I never even went to the club house lol x

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Lol... im the first person to arrive and usually the last out the door too!

"

That's not creepy not creepy what-so-ever

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago


"Lol... im the first person to arrive and usually the last out the door too!

That's not creepy not creepy what-so-ever"

Again people don't actually read the post for what it's meant to be!

When you meet your pals down the pub, are you the last person to arrive and the first to leave by any chance?

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By *ugby 123Couple  over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

I think after seeing your other thread and your objections to people giving their views ( which you asked for )on this one then it might be time to close.

Please remember, if you ask a question on the forum you will get answers and not all will be what you want them to be

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