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So..... the wife has seen......
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 but I hope that if I give her enough time and space she will eventually want to come and see just how nice a place is, and the people there are friendly too.
Anyone else in this situation? How did you manage to get her to a club?
Thoughts please.... | |||
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"She is a very shy sort of person, doesn't like meeting new people etc... I have told her on numerous occasions it's a friendly club, it's not all about sex! Even though it's a swingers club, people there are more social than anything else "I'd drop it | |||
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"She is a very shy sort of person, doesn't like meeting new people etc... I have told her on numerous occasions it's a friendly club, it's not all about sex! Even though it's a swingers club, people there are more social than anything else "Its terrifying to a extent! I still haven't been to a club, dying too however I'm far to shy and reserved. It'd have to be lights out, a quick fumble, "well that was nice, night" and go to sleep lol | |||
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"She is a very shy sort of person, doesn't like meeting new people etc... I have told her on numerous occasions it's a friendly club, it's not all about sex! Even though it's a swingers club, people there are more social than anything else "If she's happy for you to go she must be intrigued surely? Even if it's just a teeny bit? | |||
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"She is a very shy sort of person, doesn't like meeting new people etc... I have told her on numerous occasions it's a friendly club, it's not all about sex! Even though it's a swingers club, people there are more social than anything else "I understand absolutely that you want the person you love to enjoy life but they won't always get pleasure from the same things you do. If I were in your wife's position being a shy person the thought that my husband was talking about me like this would cause me distress. | |||
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She is intrigued in a way, but I have to give her time amd space to want to come out and see for herself just how nice the place is, even if it's social only.
A nightclub with a little bit of sexy atmosphere added, that's the way I treat the place, and want her to come out and enjoy meeting new people, there's no rule saying you have to play... just chat and make friends | |||
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"She knows I talk about her all the time to the club owners
She is intrigued in a way, but I have to give her time amd space to want to come out and see for herself just how nice the place is, even if it's social only.
A nightclub with a little bit of sexy atmosphere added, that's the way I treat the place, and want her to come out and enjoy meeting new people, there's no rule saying you have to play... just chat and make friends "Ok we know all about what "you" want how about what she wants? | |||
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"She knows I talk about her all the time to the club owners
She is intrigued in a way, but I have to give her time amd space to want to come out and see for herself just how nice the place is, even if it's social only.
A nightclub with a little bit of sexy atmosphere added, that's the way I treat the place, and want her to come out and enjoy meeting new people, there's no rule saying you have to play... just chat and make friends "How does she feel about going to nightclubs? She might be intrigued, she might be happy (or just tolerant) of you going to clubs but what is driving you to want to push it further when she hasn't indicated she's ready yet? | |||
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"She wants me to be happy... and for that to happen I would love to be able to walk into the club one night and say to everyone 'this is the wife' that I have beem talking about for soo long! "So you can coerce her into going by saying, This is what will make me happy? | |||
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"The website for Mingles club in Colchester, and she knows exactly what goes on there! She knows I go to a swingers club, but doesn't want to go herself but I hope that if I give her enough time and space she will eventually want to come and see just how nice a place is, and the people there are friendly too.
Anyone else in this situation? How did you manage to get her to a club?
Do you partake at the clubs and if so is she aware of this?
Thoughts please...." | |||
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"Christ! Why do people try and shoot others down all the time??? I have been honest with her, unlike a few thousand 'single' men on here that are playing away without their wives knowledge, at least mine knows where I am on a Friday night! I asked for suggestions as to how to get her to come along one night, she is intrigued about the lifestyle, but doesn't want to fuck everyone in sight. I would be happy for her to just come along and chat to friends I have made there, just trying to get her out of her shell and start to enjoy meeting nee people etc..." We're not trying to shoot you down, we're saying how we see the situation wondering if you might think about it in a different way. I'm not sure why you can't talk to your wife and ask her what would make her more willing to accompany you, that would be my suggestion anyway. Good luck to you both. | |||
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"How about see if she'll meet these friends in a pub or something else?" Think I will try this option soon | |||
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"Sorry if I sounded rude in my last comment, it's just sooo many people are ready to jump on everything I post and try to rilee up for an argument. Wasn't aimed at you" Me? It's fine. | |||
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"Sorry if I sounded rude in my last comment, it's just sooo many people are ready to jump on everything I post and try to rilee up for an argument. Wasn't aimed at you" You are posting about someone who isn't here to defend herself or put her point across no one is trying to start an arguement it's just not fair on your wife to talk about her in this manner | |||
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"How about see if she'll meet these friends in a pub or something else?" and this - this would have helped me lots in the very beginning - | |||
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"How about see if she'll meet these friends in a pub or something else?" Neutral ground, sounds like a good place to start. | |||
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"I'm curious... is she happy?" Yes she is happy.... if she wasn't then I would be out on the streets by now. | |||
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"I'm curious... is she happy? Yes she is happy.... if she wasn't then I would be out on the streets by now. " 
Fair enough... I just wondered if she tolerated you disappearing on a Friday night to make you happy.
It's a tricky situation all round, you can't persuade someone into something they don't feel comfortable with and the club scene terrified me to begin with and I was fully aware of what it would be like. If she's shy I'd be inclined to let it go at her pace.
Communication is clearly important but I'm sure you're aware of that. | |||
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"She is a very shy sort of person, doesn't like meeting new people etc... I have told her on numerous occasions it's a friendly club, it's not all about sex! Even though it's a swingers club, people there are more social than anything else "It sounds like she has made her mind up not to go, sometimes it is best to accept that rather than try and get her to go. | |||
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"Sorry if I sounded rude in my last comment, it's just sooo many people are ready to jump on everything I post and try to rilee up for an argument. Wasn't aimed at you" You asked for advice, people were giving it | |||
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 she thinks she will have to too... but it's not like that at all. | |||
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"Sorry if I sounded rude in my last comment, it's just sooo many people are ready to jump on everything I post and try to rilee up for an argument. Wasn't aimed at you" I've not seen many posts that aren't saturated with negative comments tbh lol I would tell her all the positive things about the club and all the things she would like about it. It might be the longer you go the harder it is for her to join you..maybe a wee break from it for a wee while and concentrate on her and not think bout it. Would any of the people from the club meet in the pub for few drinks....make her feel bit more at ease. Good luck. Mrs A x | |||
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I have been trying to find some time where a few friends are free and we can meet up im a pub, but been so busy with work over the last month I haven't even been able to go to the club to arrange anything.
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"The thing is.... she knows its a swingers club, amd knows people will be undressed there, she doesn't mind me going, and knows that I do take my clothes off sometimes..... that's what she's scared of she thinks she will have to too... but it's not like that at all. "she may also be feeling that even if she's not pressured to take her clothes off by others that she'll feel the odd one out. Is she comfortable maybe being in the minority, being clothed? | |||
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"The thing is.... she knows its a swingers club, amd knows people will be undressed there, she doesn't mind me going, and knows that I do take my clothes off sometimes..... that's what she's scared of she thinks she will have to too... but it's not like that at all.
she may also be feeling that even if she's not pressured to take her clothes off by others that she'll feel the odd one out. Is she comfortable maybe being in the minority, being clothed?"Not everyone that goes there takes their clothes off, some people use the club socially to talk to others she will not be the odd one out. | |||
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"The thing is.... she knows its a swingers club, amd knows people will be undressed there, she doesn't mind me going, and knows that I do take my clothes off sometimes..... that's what she's scared of she thinks she will have to too... but it's not like that at all. "Why isn't she believing what you say? Listen to what your wife isn't saying. I know that sounds daft but if as you say you have reassured her in every way possible and she still doesn't want to go stating the very things you have reassured her about as reasons not to, she might be trying to tell you she doesn't want to go ever. You say she wants you to be happy, she knows her going to the club would do that so she doesn't want to say no outright because it would make you unhappy. We put a terrible burden on ourselves when we take responsibility for other people's happiness. Of course all the above might be rubbish because I don't know your wife so again my suggestion is talk and listen. | |||
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"Not being funny but if you have explained how it works to her and she still doesn't want to go....she is telling you...I don't want to go." Yes! Said in a few words what it took me thousands to say  | |||
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"Not being funny but if you have explained how it works to her and she still doesn't want to go....she is telling you...I don't want to go. Yes! Said in a few words what it took me thousands to say "Mr Ruggers says in real life I do the whole thousands words when 4 would do so we nearly match | |||
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"Nicecouple... I fully understand what your saying, I have tried to make her feel at ease by showing her the website and all the reviews etc. At the end of the day it's her decision, but I feel now that maybe I shouldn't go anymore because of what sort of place it is? I enjoy my time there, social drink and have a laugh with friends that I have made, but maybe of she doesn't want to go it could be her way of asking me not to go anymore? " It could be, is she like that normally in her approach.? You could ask her outright but you need to be prepared to give the club up if she doesn't want you to attend anymore. | |||
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"Thanks Mrs A
I have been trying to find some time where a few friends are free and we can meet up im a pub, but been so busy with work over the last month I haven't even been able to go to the club to arrange anything.
"No probs at all. First time going to a club can be uncomfortable and embarrassing and I think more so for females (just going by the people I've spoken to) so know how she feels although it was myself who inniciated going. Hope you get it sorted and it all works out x | |||
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"Thanks Mrs A
I have been trying to find some time where a few friends are free and we can meet up im a pub, but been so busy with work over the last month I haven't even been able to go to the club to arrange anything.
No probs at all. First time going to a club can be uncomfortable and embarrassing and I think more so for females (just going by the people I've spoken to) so know how she feels although it was myself who inniciated going. Hope you get it sorted and it all works out x"Gotta admit, I was nervous the first time I went.... now its my second home! | |||
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(Luvs ya Bex n Jason if your reading this ) | |||
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"Lol... im the first person to arrive and usually the last out the door too! I blame the owners for being soo bloody nice and welcoming
(Luvs ya Bex n Jason if your reading this )"Ask her to go for an hour, when hour is up say goodnight at head home, then discuss if she wants to go again | |||
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"Lol... im the first person to arrive and usually the last out the door too! I blame the owners for being soo bloody nice and welcoming
(Luvs ya Bex n Jason if your reading this )
Ask her to go for an hour, when hour is up say goodnight at head home, then discuss if she wants to go again "Have suggested that to her, go for 30 mins just to see the club and the way it is run, thought I was getting somewhere with her but she keeps going back to being shy | |||
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"The website for Mingles club in Colchester, and she knows exactly what goes on there! She knows I go to a swingers club, but doesn't want to go herself but I hope that if I give her enough time and space she will eventually want to come and see just how nice a place is, and the people there are friendly too.
Anyone else in this situation? How did you manage to get her to a club?
Thoughts please...."oh dear, really not my place to comment..... but enough of shy ol' me.... Marmite, you start by saying you: "hope..... she will eventually want to come" but then you close with: "How did you manage to get her to a club?" ...... Two distinct dynamics there: hoping for something v. getting her somewhere. As the shyer (tho by no means innocent) half of a swinging couple for quite a few years, i'm fairly proud of the confidence levels I now have - due largely to the affections of a persuasive man: my partner. That's not to say the shy-er me was less 'happy' (and certainly, i get my fair share of crap sex these days lol). It seems you're not seeing past the immediate goal you've set for yourself (and for mrs marmite) - Ok so say she comes to the club....what next? Will she ever catch up with your sexual adventurism? With an affection for you that you won't understand (you're not gay, so there), please take this kindly: As much as you try to influence *her* it seems her influence on you is causing you a degree of frustration, or stress. xx good luck mr & mrs M | |||
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"It seems swinging isnt for her." At least not yet. | |||
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"It seems swinging isnt for her. At least not yet." That is right too lol | |||
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"The website for Mingles club in Colchester, and she knows exactly what goes on there! She knows I go to a swingers club, but doesn't want to go herself but I hope that if I give her enough time and space she will eventually want to come and see just how nice a place is, and the people there are friendly too.
Anyone else in this situation? How did you manage to get her to a club?
Thoughts please...."don't; cherish your wife, respect her views and don't try to change her or model her on something or how you want her to be if she don't want too, then you must respect that | |||
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"The website for Mingles club in Colchester, and she knows exactly what goes on there! She knows I go to a swingers club, but doesn't want to go herself but I hope that if I give her enough time and space she will eventually want to come and see just how nice a place is, and the people there are friendly too.
Anyone else in this situation? How did you manage to get her to a club?
Thoughts please...."15 years of discussion a D begging. 18 months since she agreed to try it and we took our first steps, she's totally hooked and wishes We'd done it years ago. | |||
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"Nicecouple... I fully understand what your saying, I have tried to make her feel at ease by showing her the website and all the reviews etc. At the end of the day it's her decision, but I feel now that maybe I shouldn't go anymore because of what sort of place it is? I enjoy my time there, social drink and have a laugh with friends that I have made, but maybe of she doesn't want to go it could be her way of asking me not to go anymore? " I didn't mean she doesn't want you to go. She quite obviously from what you say doesn't want to go herself. If you are as persistent and single minded with her as you have been with us I suspect you are only strengthening her resolve. | |||
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"Sometimes I do wonder just how many people are forced into swinging by pushy other halves...." Quite a few I suspect
Certainly a lot of women are pushed into bi experiences to please their other halves. There have been a couple of threads about it recently.
I can't imagine doing something you don't want to do and feel uncomfortable about just because your partner thinks it's hot. It sounds dreadful. | |||
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"Nicecouple... I fully understand what your saying, I have tried to make her feel at ease by showing her the website and all the reviews etc. At the end of the day it's her decision, but I feel now that maybe I shouldn't go anymore because of what sort of place it is? I enjoy my time there, social drink and have a laugh with friends that I have made, but maybe of she doesn't want to go it could be her way of asking me not to go anymore? I didn't mean she doesn't want you to go. She quite obviously from what you say doesn't want to go herself. If you are as persistent and single minded with her as you have been with us I suspect you are only strengthening her resolve. " | |||
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"Sometimes I do wonder just how many people are forced into swinging by pushy other halves.... Quite a few I suspect
Certainly a lot of women are pushed into bi experiences to please their other halves. There have been a couple of threads about it recently.
I can't imagine doing something you don't want to do and feel uncomfortable about just because your partner thinks it's hot. It sounds dreadful."I'm not sure how long you could sustain a relationship in those situations. I would end up hating the other person for making me feel that way.  | |||
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"Sometimes I do wonder just how many people are forced into swinging by pushy other halves.... Quite a few I suspect
Certainly a lot of women are pushed into bi experiences to please their other halves. There have been a couple of threads about it recently.
I can't imagine doing something you don't want to do and feel uncomfortable about just because your partner thinks it's hot. It sounds dreadful.
I'm not sure how long you could sustain a relationship in those situations. I would end up hating the other person for making me feel that way.
"I resent it enough when strangers on here treat me like a free prostitute or some kind of sex toy or accessory to fulfil their fantasies or fetishes. I can't imagine how I'd feel if a partner I loved and trusted did it. | |||
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"As I said earlier, im not going to push her any further, she has seen the place from online, it's up to her of she wants to come along with me next time I go. Would have thought there were more people that actually had this situation, but then again it is (mostly) single men here. " Well that's settled then, you're dropping the subject with her and waiting until she brings it up. That's a good move in my opinion and one she will appreciate I'm sure. Good luck to you both. | |||
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"It may be a swingers club, but that doesn't give a green light to play. I would like her to come for a social night out, but instead of a nightclub with expensive drinks, I would like to take her to a sexy club with friendly people. I have NEVER said in AND of my posts that I want people to fuck her, as I know this will not be happening, she has made it clear to me that she doesn't want anyone else's cock up her. I am not looking for anything more than a social night out, please can people understand that when they comment. Thanks "But she doesn't want to go, whether people fuck her or not! Even if you can't see why. Even if it's just like a nightclub. Even if it's really friendly. Even if you love it. Even if you think she'll love it. She doesn't want to. You'd be unhappy if she wanted you to stop going because it's something you don't want to do. Now put yourself in her shoes and think about how she feels about being "persuaded" to do something she doesn't want to do. You sound obsessed with the idea of getting her there. As said above, if you've come across this intense with her, you're probably putting her off more. | |||
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"Maybe she has her own arrangement on a Friday night "Hehe.. well she does get the attention from a single guy in her work  | |||
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"As I said earlier, im not going to push her any further, she has seen the place from online, it's up to her of she wants to come along with me next time I go. Would have thought there were more people that actually had this situation, but then again it is (mostly) single men here. " Sadly your posts suggest you won't let it drop with your wife, which in turn will probably feel like pressure to do something she has said she doesn't want to a few times to you. If it was me, I would be asking my OH to respect my wishes and drop it. | |||
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"...all I would like is for her to accompany me one night.... and it will only be a social visit. " This is it. All about what you want. | |||
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"It may be a swingers club, but that doesn't give a green light to play. I would like her to come for a social night out, but instead of a nightclub with expensive drinks, I would like to take her to a sexy club with friendly people. I have NEVER said in ANY of my posts that I want people to fuck her, as I know this will not be happening, she has made it clear to me that she doesn't want anyone else's cock up her. I am not looking for anything more than a social night out, please can people understand that when they comment. Thanks "But she probably isn't thinking the same as you, she could be thinking, why does he want me to go to a sex club just to socialise, he might be thinking he could talk me into having another mans cock inside me and as he is trying to talk me into going in the first place then sod that for a lark, let him go himself. Respect your ladies wishes. | |||
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"It may be a swingers club, but that doesn't give a green light to play. I would like her to come for a social night out, but instead of a nightclub with expensive drinks, I would like to take her to a sexy club with friendly people. I have NEVER said in ANY of my posts that I want people to fuck her, as I know this will not be happening, she has made it clear to me that she doesn't want anyone else's cock up her. I am not looking for anything more than a social night out, please can people understand that when they comment. Thanks "I think we do understand what you're saying but I don't think you're liking our comments. | |||
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"I don't mind the comments, it's just a shame that there are people that hasn't read a single word i have typed. It may seem one sided by my posts, but I can assure you all I am not like that with her." What are you like with her then? | |||
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"I don't mind the comments, it's just a shame that there are people that hasn't read a single word i have typed. It may seem one sided by my posts, but I can assure you all I am not like that with her." We have read. Because we aren't agreeing with you doesn't mean we don't understand the situation. You seem desperate to try to convince us of something. I'm not even sure what. You've said you'll drop it with her and I really think you should. | |||
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"I don't mind the comments, it's just a shame that there are people that hasn't read a single word i have typed. It may seem one sided by my posts, but I can assure you all I am not like that with her." I am guessing all of us did. We are just looking at it from what could be your wifes point of view. If I didn't want to go to a sex club then I wouldn't want to socialise in it either. | |||
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"I don't mind the comments, it's just a shame that there are people that hasn't read a single word i have typed. It may seem one sided by my posts, but I can assure you all I am not like that with her. We have read. Because we aren't agreeing with you doesn't mean we don't understand the situation. You seem desperate to try to convince us of something. I'm not even sure what. You've said you'll drop it with her and I really think you should." I suspect that the person he's trying to convince is himself. It really is only social, I only take my clothes off because other people do, I don't want her to have sex with anyone else, I'm not coercing her...say it enough times to enough people and it becomes true. | |||
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"...having a wife that is happy for you to go out to a swingers club is like a lady unicorns penis." | |||
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"The website for Mingles club in Colchester, and she knows exactly what goes on there! She knows I go to a swingers club, but doesn't want to go herself but I hope that if I give her enough time and space she will eventually want to come and see just how nice a place is, and the people there are friendly too.
Anyone else in this situation? How did you manage to get her to a club?
Thoughts please....""...manage to get her into a club..." ? There is no managing or getting her to do anything. If a person doesn't want to go, then they won't go and can't / shouldn't be coerced. | |||
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"The website for Mingles club in Colchester, and she knows exactly what goes on there! She knows I go to a swingers club, but doesn't want to go herself but I hope that if I give her enough time and space she will eventually want to come and see just how nice a place is, and the people there are friendly too.
Anyone else in this situation? How did you manage to get her to a club?
Thoughts please...."She's seen the website,you've spoken to her about what happens there,she doesn't want to go. I know you think you are doing her a service by trying to get her to go,but we're talking about a place where people get naked and have sex with strangers. It may not be because she is shy, it may not appeal to her. I'm not shy in the least,but I have zero interest in going to a club. If you've spoken to her and reassured he she won't see naked people or be expected to have sex,and you won't go off to have sex and leave her on her own,then you shouldn't try to coerce her. You could force her,of course; tell her you'll divorce her if she doesn't go. She may love it and be running around naked,in and out of rooms having sex with all and sundry. Or she could hate you for forcing her and divorce you anyway. You may just have to accept that it's a past time you will be doing alone. My ex tried to get me to play golf with him; I told him by the 3rd tee he would be wearing the golf club as a scarf
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"Lol... im the first person to arrive and usually the last out the door too! " That's not creepy not creepy what-so-ever | |||
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"Lol... im the first person to arrive and usually the last out the door too! That's not creepy not creepy what-so-ever" Again people don't actually read the post for what it's meant to be! When you meet your pals down the pub, are you the last person to arrive and the first to leave by any chance? | |||
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