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funniest phoe call of the day

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By *muma OP   Woman  over a year ago

Livingston

Him: Wendy, I've got a problem

Me: what's up pal

H: I've broke ma knob

M: how the feck did you do that (stifle laughter)

H: I was out dogging and got it caugt on my zip, it's been bleeding for an hour and I'm in agony, what should I do

M: how heavily is it bleeding now, where from, and have you tried stemming the blood flow

H: still quite heavy, fae ma bell end and I've wrapped a tea towel round it. I'm in serious agony here

M: get to hospital you may need stitches

H: ok, I'll phone ma da to take me and I'll ge ye a shout when I get home

This was an actual conversation about an hour ago and I'm still laughing. I know I shouldn't laugh, but sometimes you just can't help yourself

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By *ornwall-maleMan  over a year ago

newquay

you nasty woman ha ha. did he get any action before he started to bleed?! lol x

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By *muma OP   Woman  over a year ago

Livingston

don't know I was laughing to much to ask!!!

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By *ornwall-maleMan  over a year ago

newquay

ha ha.

did you call him a bloody nob lol x

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman  over a year ago

little house on the praire

You are so wicked but that is so funny, wonder if hes going to have the same conversation with his mother

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By *muma OP   Woman  over a year ago

Livingston


"ha ha.

did you call him a bloody nob lol x"

naw called him a careless dickhead though

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

poor bloke. I did it at Chams. Was wearing some cut off jeans, and zipped up a bit too quick. I bled like a pig.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Him: Wendy, I've got a problem

Me: what's up pal

H: I've broke ma knob

M: how the feck did you do that (stifle laughter)

H: I was out dogging and got it caugt on my zip, it's been bleeding for an hour and I'm in agony, what should I do

M: how heavily is it bleeding now, where from, and have you tried stemming the blood flow

H: still quite heavy, fae ma bell end and I've wrapped a tea towel round it. I'm in serious agony here

M: get to hospital you may need stitches

H: ok, I'll phone ma da to take me and I'll ge ye a shout when I get home

This was an actual conversation about an hour ago and I'm still laughing. I know I shouldn't laugh, but sometimes you just can't help yourself"

you should have asked him to send you a pic of it.

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By *layfullsamMan  over a year ago

Solihull

only in america, a copy of a real phone call

Dispatcher: Sheriff's department, how can I help you?

Woman: Yeah, I'm over here . . . I'm over here at Burger King right here in San

Clemente.*

Dispatcher: Uh-huh.

Woman: Um, no, not San Clemente; I'm sorry, I live in San Clemente. I'm in

Laguna Niguel, I think, that's where I'm at.

Dispatcher: Uh-huh.

Woman: I'm at a drive-through right now.

Dispatcher: Uh-huh.

Woman: I went . . . I ordered my food three times. They're mopping the floor

inside, and I understand they're busy . . . they're not even busy, okay, I've

been the only car here. I asked them four different times to make me a Western

Barbeque Burger. Okay, they keep giving me a hamburger with lettuce, tomato, and

cheese, onions, and I said, "I'm not leaving . . ."

Dispatcher: Uh-huh.

Woman: I want a Western Burger because I just got my kids from Tae Kwon Do,

they're hungry, I'm on my way home, and I live in San Clemente.

Dispatcher: Uh-huh.

Woman: Okay . . . she said, she gave me another hamburger; it's wrong. I said

four times, I said, "I want it to go. Can you go out and park in front?" I said,

"No, I want my hamburger right." So then the . . . the lady came to the manager.

She . . . well whoever she is, she came up and she said, um, she said, um, "Do

you want your money back?" And I said, "No, I want my hamburger. My kids are

hungry and I have to jump on that toll freeway." I said, "I am not leaving this

spot," and I said, "I will call the police," because I want my Western Burger

done right! Now is that so hard?

Dispatcher: Okay, what exactly is it you want us to do for you?

Woman: I . . . send an officer down here. I . . . I want them to make me . . .

Dispatcher: Ma'am, we're not gonna go down there and enforce your Western Bacon

Cheeseburger.

Woman: What am I supposed to do?

Dispatcher: This is . . . this is between you and the manager. We're not gonna

go and enforce how to make a hamburger; that's not a criminal issue. There's . .

. there's nothing criminal there.

Woman: So I just stand here . . . so I just sit here and [block]?

Dispatcher: You . . . you need to calmly and rationally speak to the manager and

figure out what to do between you.

Woman: She did come up, and I said, "Can I please have my Western Burger?" She .

. . she said, "I'm not dealing with it," and she walked away. Because they're

mopping the floor, and it's also the fact that they don't want to . . . they

don't want to go through there . . . and . . . and . . .

Dispatcher: Ma'am, then I suggest you get your money back and go somewhere else.

This is . . . this is not a criminal issue. We can't go out there and make them

make you a cheeseburger the way you want it.

Woman: Well . . . that is . . . that . . . you're supposed to be here to protect

me.

Dispatcher: Well, what are we protecting you from, a wrong cheeseburger?

Woman: No . . .

Dispatcher: Is this like . . . is this a harmful cheeseburger or something? I

don't understand what you want us to do.

Woman: Just come down here. I'm not . . . I'm not leaving.

Dispatcher: No ma'am, I'm not sending the deputies down there over a

cheeseburger. You need to go in there and act like an adult and either get your

money back or go home.

Woman: She is not acting like an adult herself! I'm sitting here in my car; I

just want them to make my kids a . . . a Western Burger.

Dispatcher: Ma'am, this is what I suggest: I suggest you get your money back

from the manager and you go on your way home.

Woman: Okay.

Dispatcher: Okay? Bye-bye.

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