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Unable to reproduce
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Well on the back of a thread here today, I am infuriated by some people that have the abilities to have children, and then give them up to care or just treat them badly!
Whilst most people are lucky enough to be fertile and go on to have a family, think of the people out there (yes, me included) that are unfortunate and cannot reproduce.
I have seen time and time again where there are people just having children for the money that the government chuck at them, MY hard earned money going on dole scroungers, lazy slobs that don't go out and earn a wage, laying in their bed until midday whilst their kids have to fend for themselves etc....
This has touched a nerve today! Just wish I could turn the clocks back to before I had this problem.
Sorry for the rant, but im sooo disgusted with the way all this goes on.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It upsets me at times
I was lucky enough to fall pregnant but it wasn't to be. 
I wasn't given the chance again
It pisses me off when young girls she'll them like peas just for the benefits etc |
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I think it's appalling that people bring children into the world and everything else you said. But I don't think that because other people can't have children.
I know what it's like to be told your infirtile to have to tell the man you want to marry you can't have children and give them the option to walk away.
But you can't expect the world to revolve round that. If everyone could have children your still going tomget the shit parents
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I truely wish I'd never read this post. I think your wonderful Marmite, but right now, I'm sitting here in tears, as a single mum, filling out paperwork to claim benefits for the first time in my life. Why, because right now it's a need a must, I don't want to be doing it, I wish I wasn't, I've worked, I've been a housewife, I have paid taxes, I wish I wasn't filling out these forms. I'm not a scrounger out to get what I can
I do agree some people do have children so they don't have to work etc, but the majority don't.
Having lost 2 pregnancies I feel deeply for those that can't, for whatever reason, have children, and I am grateful for what I do have. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Op. It's an unfortunate thing when the world is imbalanced that way.
Sometimes those who ought not have children do and those who ought to can't.
It's often the way with alot of things..those who deserve x don't get x and those who don't deserve x get it.
On the whole the world is a good place though and and is on the whole the right way round.
Take heart  |
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By *osieWoman
over a year ago
Wembley |
"Well on the back of a thread here today, I am infuriated by some people that have the abilities to have children, and then give them up to care or just treat them badly!
Whilst most people are lucky enough to be fertile and go on to have a family, think of the people out there (yes, me included) that are unfortunate and cannot reproduce.
I have seen time and time again where there are people just having children for the money that the government chuck at them, MY hard earned money going on dole scroungers, lazy slobs that don't go out and earn a wage, laying in their bed until midday whilst their kids have to fend for themselves etc....
This has touched a nerve today! Just wish I could turn the clocks back to before I had this problem.
Sorry for the rant, but im sooo disgusted with the way all this goes on.
"
It was always going to be next year when I had finally settled down in any one country
Well, I am settled now and 46 years old; even adoption is no longer a real possibility
But I do have nephews and nieces and that does make it slightly easier for me. And I have a God-daughter
Maybe look within your family. It won't be the same but it will be better than nothing
I understand where you are coming from; xxx
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"I truely wish I'd never read this post. I think your wonderful Marmite, but right now, I'm sitting here in tears, as a single mum, filling out paperwork to claim benefits for the first time in my life. Why, because right now it's a need a must, I don't want to be doing it, I wish I wasn't, I've worked, I've been a housewife, I have paid taxes, I wish I wasn't filling out these forms. I'm not a scrounger out to get what I can
I do agree some people do have children so they don't have to work etc, but the majority don't.
Having lost 2 pregnancies I feel deeply for those that can't, for whatever reason, have children, and I am grateful for what I do have."
You aren't a scrounger.
The problem is that people are affected by certain things in their lives and its raw making them react a certain way. I'm sure none of this was aimed at you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well on the back of a thread here today, I am infuriated by some people that have the abilities to have children, and then give them up to care or just treat them badly!
Whilst most people are lucky enough to be fertile and go on to have a family, think of the people out there (yes, me included) that are unfortunate and cannot reproduce.
I have seen time and time again where there are people just having children for the money that the government chuck at them, MY hard earned money going on dole scroungers, lazy slobs that don't go out and earn a wage, laying in their bed until midday whilst their kids have to fend for themselves etc....
This has touched a nerve today! Just wish I could turn the clocks back to before I had this problem.
Sorry for the rant, but im sooo disgusted with the way all this goes on.
"
OP, how many women do you know who have had children for the sole purpose of gaining state benefits?
I thought Benefits Street was no longer on the television. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Fsntasy... I am deeply sorry if I have upset you hun, this was not aimed at people that fall on hard times, more so the people that reproduce just for the money.
I understand some people in their lives need a helping hand, and that's what the system is for... it's not for the 18 year olds that have 3 kids already and don't ever want to work for their money.
I wish you well, again I'm deeply sorry for upsetting you. Hugs? |
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"I'm just off in to town, plenty of pram pushers there.
Busy last year then fella? "
Just a bit, I've got 364 paternity lawsuits in front of me 
Well a man's gotta have a day off occasionally ya know |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As an aside - I come from a family who couldn't have children. I am the product of a family who didn't want me, and a family who did want me.
My birth mother couldn't keep me. I would have damaged her.
My adoptive parents wanted me desperately, but couldn't have children.
You don't have to produce sperm or eggs, or go through nine months of pregnancy to be a parent. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Fsntasy... I am deeply sorry if I have upset you hun, this was not aimed at people that fall on hard times, more so the people that reproduce just for the money.
I understand some people in their lives need a helping hand, and that's what the system is for... it's not for the 18 year olds that have 3 kids already and don't ever want to work for their money.
I wish you well, again I'm deeply sorry for upsetting you. Hugs? "
And hugs for you, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you think you'd upset me, it's just an emotive subject for all
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I was a mum.once, sadly no more,but people who abuse their children in any way, don't deserve them, children are precious, your life blood,because you're not like it yourself,it's hard to comprehend, other human beings are so cruel. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"As an aside - I come from a family who couldn't have children. I am the product of a family who didn't want me, and a family who did want me.
My birth mother couldn't keep me. I would have damaged her.
My adoptive parents wanted me desperately, but couldn't have children.
You don't have to produce sperm or eggs, or go through nine months of pregnancy to be a parent."
.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"As an aside - I come from a family who couldn't have children. I am the product of a family who didn't want me, and a family who did want me.
My birth mother couldn't keep me. I would have damaged her.
My adoptive parents wanted me desperately, but couldn't have children.
You don't have to produce sperm or eggs, or go through nine months of pregnancy to be a parent."
My eldest is adopted by her dad, this is the truest statement here |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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OP, although your situation isn't great and you've had a choice taken away from you, why do you focus on families that have had children, at a very young age themselves, and slag them off for it.
They've got something you wanted and take it for granted, like most people do.
Don't you understand how people are and that the way they live their lives in not an attack on you personally and that they are just living their lives the best they can, and that not everyone is perfect, far from it.
I don't really care if you don't reply to this but just because you want something doesn't mean you'd be the best at dealing with it if you got it.
I've lost a lot of babies, it probably did make me appreciate my kids more than i would have, but there was a time when i thought i couldn't have kids and i never once resented anyone else for having kids. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Well this went down like a lead baloon! Upset a few, but it's my personal views that I wanted to put across to everyone.
Fantasy, you are a lovely lady, virtual roses being sent for you
As for adoption, that is not possible, I have tried in the past and got turned down! So it's not as easy as madona showed, plenty of money buys a kid, and I haven't got millions.... yet! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"OP, although your situation isn't great and you've had a choice taken away from you, why do you focus on families that have had children, at a very young age themselves, and slag them off for it.
They've got something you wanted and take it for granted, like most people do.
Don't you understand how people are and that the way they live their lives in not an attack on you personally and that they are just living their lives the best they can, and that not everyone is perfect, far from it.
I don't really care if you don't reply to this but just because you want something doesn't mean you'd be the best at dealing with it if you got it.
I've lost a lot of babies, it probably did make me appreciate my kids more than i would have, but there was a time when i thought i couldn't have kids and i never once resented anyone else for having kids."
I don't resent everyone for having kids, just the people that don't want them.... Jeremy kyle style parents, of you get what I mean |
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By *osieWoman
over a year ago
Wembley |
"Well this went down like a lead baloon! Upset a few, but it's my personal views that I wanted to put across to everyone.
Fantasy, you are a lovely lady, virtual roses being sent for you
As for adoption, that is not possible, I have tried in the past and got turned down! So it's not as easy as madona showed, plenty of money buys a kid, and I haven't got millions.... yet! "
And unless you have a partner, no matter what is written in the leaflets, you will be steered towards fostering. And once they finally refuse, you will end up locking yourself away for weeks on end. Don't put yourself through that. Life is really not fair but it is no one else's fault |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"As for adoption, that is not possible, I have tried in the past and got turned down! So it's not as easy as madona showed, plenty of money buys a kid, and I haven't got millions.... yet! "
They really want to play adopted children with loving parents, so they try really hard to help you adopt.
Perhaps you are not ready to be a parent yet and should try again in a few years? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"And unless you have a partner, no matter what is written in the leaflets, you will be steered towards fostering. And once they finally refuse, you will end up locking yourself away for weeks on end. Don't put yourself through that. Life is really not fair but it is no one else's fault"
That's actually not true. Several of my single friends (including two guys) have adopted children. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"OP, although your situation isn't great and you've had a choice taken away from you, why do you focus on families that have had children, at a very young age themselves, and slag them off for it.
They've got something you wanted and take it for granted, like most people do.
Don't you understand how people are and that the way they live their lives in not an attack on you personally and that they are just living their lives the best they can, and that not everyone is perfect, far from it.
I don't really care if you don't reply to this but just because you want something doesn't mean you'd be the best at dealing with it if you got it.
I've lost a lot of babies, it probably did make me appreciate my kids more than i would have, but there was a time when i thought i couldn't have kids and i never once resented anyone else for having kids.
I don't resent everyone for having kids, just the people that don't want them.... Jeremy kyle style parents, of you get what I mean"
Jeremy Kyle style parents? I suspect the producers of that show spend a lot of time finding those people. |
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By *osieWoman
over a year ago
Wembley |
"And unless you have a partner, no matter what is written in the leaflets, you will be steered towards fostering. And once they finally refuse, you will end up locking yourself away for weeks on end. Don't put yourself through that. Life is really not fair but it is no one else's fault
That's actually not true. Several of my single friends (including two guys) have adopted children."
When was this? How old were they? What were the ages of the children?
Just because someone got lucky doesn't mean it is the norm. I spent two years jumping through every hoop. It left me drained and depressed |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I have tried in the past, amd wasp I am ready to be a parent, at 43 years old I think I am getting to the stage when I will have to give up soon.
Adoption, fostering, fertility clinic... tried the lot, and it doesn't come cheap.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"And unless you have a partner, no matter what is written in the leaflets, you will be steered towards fostering. And once they finally refuse, you will end up locking yourself away for weeks on end. Don't put yourself through that. Life is really not fair but it is no one else's fault
That's actually not true. Several of my single friends (including two guys) have adopted children."
This |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"And unless you have a partner, no matter what is written in the leaflets, you will be steered towards fostering. And once they finally refuse, you will end up locking yourself away for weeks on end. Don't put yourself through that. Life is really not fair but it is no one else's fault
That's actually not true. Several of my single friends (including two guys) have adopted children.
When was this? How old were they? What were the ages of the children?
Just because someone got lucky doesn't mean it is the norm. I spent two years jumping through every hoop. It left me drained and depressed"
In the last couple of years, they are in their 30s largely. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"OP, although your situation isn't great and you've had a choice taken away from you, why do you focus on families that have had children, at a very young age themselves, and slag them off for it.
They've got something you wanted and take it for granted, like most people do.
Don't you understand how people are and that the way they live their lives in not an attack on you personally and that they are just living their lives the best they can, and that not everyone is perfect, far from it.
I don't really care if you don't reply to this but just because you want something doesn't mean you'd be the best at dealing with it if you got it.
I've lost a lot of babies, it probably did make me appreciate my kids more than i would have, but there was a time when i thought i couldn't have kids and i never once resented anyone else for having kids.
I don't resent everyone for having kids, just the people that don't want them.... Jeremy kyle style parents, of you get what I mean"
I know who you mean.
They're still trying their best, even if their best isn't great. So long as they're trying is all you can hope for - unless you're personally supporting them and then you can expect more when being their example.
They have their own reasons for not being great parents, and yeah they probably do take it for granted because most people are lucky enough to not lose their kids these days or have trouble conceiving them.
Obviously no-one is gonna support child abuse but you just have to leave people to get on with it and not let it get to you. Parents are learning all the time too, a child grows and changes all the time and you have to change with them, it's not easy for most people.
Don't let it make you bitter. |
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By *osieWoman
over a year ago
Wembley |
"And unless you have a partner, no matter what is written in the leaflets, you will be steered towards fostering. And once they finally refuse, you will end up locking yourself away for weeks on end. Don't put yourself through that. Life is really not fair but it is no one else's fault
That's actually not true. Several of my single friends (including two guys) have adopted children.
This "
This is OK if you are 30 - 40, and as a single woman, have a career which gives sufficient income working part time. Once over 40, leaving home at 7:30 am and returning at 7:30 pm with no family within 500 miles and they look at you as if you are crazy |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Well this went down like a lead baloon! Upset a few, but it's my personal views that I wanted to put across to everyone.
Fantasy, you are a lovely lady, virtual roses being sent for you
As for adoption, that is not possible, I have tried in the past and got turned down! So it's not as easy as madona showed, plenty of money buys a kid, and I haven't got millions.... yet!
And unless you have a partner, no matter what is written in the leaflets, you will be steered towards fostering. And once they finally refuse, you will end up locking yourself away for weeks on end. Don't put yourself through that. Life is really not fair but it is no one else's fault"
Been there and done all the hoops they asked me and my wife to jump through, we will never be able to have a family we can call our own.... not even through fostering |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My daugher can't have children she had a hysterectomy at the age of 18
She's very much like the OP, gets angry with people, she's recently fell out with her friend, who she's been good friends with since she was a child, for having an abortion, though her sadness broke my heart, listening to her crying saying 'she didn't have to kill the child she could have given it to me' was very hard but at the same time you can't push your views on other people, people shouldnt be made to feel they have done wrong just because their circumstances aren't the same as yours
It's a difficult subject |
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"Well this went down like a lead baloon! Upset a few, but it's my personal views that I wanted to put across to everyone.
Fantasy, you are a lovely lady, virtual roses being sent for you
As for adoption, that is not possible, I have tried in the past and got turned down! So it's not as easy as madona showed, plenty of money buys a kid, and I haven't got millions.... yet!
And unless you have a partner, no matter what is written in the leaflets, you will be steered towards fostering. And once they finally refuse, you will end up locking yourself away for weeks on end. Don't put yourself through that. Life is really not fair but it is no one else's fault
Been there and done all the hoops they asked me and my wife to jump through, we will never be able to have a family we can call our own.... not even through fostering "
Sure they must have had their reasons when they declined your applications......and hope you can still be very happy in life with the woman you love..............and live a fulfilled life |
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By *osieWoman
over a year ago
Wembley |
"Well this went down like a lead baloon! Upset a few, but it's my personal views that I wanted to put across to everyone.
Fantasy, you are a lovely lady, virtual roses being sent for you
As for adoption, that is not possible, I have tried in the past and got turned down! So it's not as easy as madona showed, plenty of money buys a kid, and I haven't got millions.... yet!
And unless you have a partner, no matter what is written in the leaflets, you will be steered towards fostering. And once they finally refuse, you will end up locking yourself away for weeks on end. Don't put yourself through that. Life is really not fair but it is no one else's fault
Been there and done all the hoops they asked me and my wife to jump through, we will never be able to have a family we can call our own.... not even through fostering "
It is difficult to translate into English but my niece calls me her 'second mother'. That has to be good enough
I did not seriously consider fostering at the time as I thought that since I so desperately wanted a child and could give him or her all my love, that will be sufficient. By the time the final refusals arrived, I was so down that I couldn't face going through that all over again |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I love my wife dearly, she wanted a family from an early age, and I have never been able to give her what she truly wanted.
I am not bitter at most parents, just some of them for not wanting their kids... even fallen out with my bestie mate from when we were about 7 years old for walking out on his 4 year old daughter!
Sorry of I have come across as ignorant, just touched a very bad nerve today. |
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"My daugher can't have children she had a hysterectomy at the age of 18
She's very much like the OP, gets angry with people, she's recently fell out with her friend, who she's been good friends with since she was a child, for having an abortion, though her sadness broke my heart, listening to her crying saying 'she didn't have to kill the child she could have given it to me' was very hard but at the same time you can't push your views on other people, people shouldnt be made to feel they have done wrong just because their circumstances aren't the same as yours
It's a difficult subject"
Abortion is an emotive subject I do think though that in some cases it's the best and only solution. I can also see your daughters point of view. |
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By *osieWoman
over a year ago
Wembley |
"Well this went down like a lead baloon! Upset a few, but it's my personal views that I wanted to put across to everyone.
Fantasy, you are a lovely lady, virtual roses being sent for you
As for adoption, that is not possible, I have tried in the past and got turned down! So it's not as easy as madona showed, plenty of money buys a kid, and I haven't got millions.... yet!
And unless you have a partner, no matter what is written in the leaflets, you will be steered towards fostering. And once they finally refuse, you will end up locking yourself away for weeks on end. Don't put yourself through that. Life is really not fair but it is no one else's fault
Been there and done all the hoops they asked me and my wife to jump through, we will never be able to have a family we can call our own.... not even through fostering
Sure they must have had their reasons when they declined your applications......and hope you can still be very happy in life with the woman you love..............and live a fulfilled life"
From the report: "the service user is still yearning for a biological child"
They wield so much power and appealing against any decision means that you end up taking on the entire department. It is a futile excercise |
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I'm lucky in a sense that I'm fertile but in a sense my biological clock is bloody ticking. I'm not sure if any women have had this but it's the most depressing feeling hearing your biological clock going 100 miles an hour |
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By *osieWoman
over a year ago
Wembley |
"I love my wife dearly, she wanted a family from an early age, and I have never been able to give her what she truly wanted.
I am not bitter at most parents, just some of them for not wanting their kids... even fallen out with my bestie mate from when we were about 7 years old for walking out on his 4 year old daughter!
Sorry of I have come across as ignorant, just touched a very bad nerve today. "
You don't come across as ignorant to me. You come across as someone who is having a really bad day today thinking about all of this. It will pass; xxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I love my wife dearly, she wanted a family from an early age, and I have never been able to give her what she truly wanted.
I am not bitter at most parents, just some of them for not wanting their kids... even fallen out with my bestie mate from when we were about 7 years old for walking out on his 4 year old daughter!
Sorry of I have come across as ignorant, just touched a very bad nerve today. "
Fair enough. I think there's better people who can talk you through this than me. Good luck. |
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"As an aside - I come from a family who couldn't have children. I am the product of a family who didn't want me, and a family who did want me.
My birth mother couldn't keep me. I would have damaged her.
My adoptive parents wanted me desperately, but couldn't have children.
You don't have to produce sperm or eggs, or go through nine months of pregnancy to be a parent."
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I chose not to have kids.
Now it's too late, I am wondering if I made the wrong decision
How is it to late? You are 42? "
Age isn't always the only factor with many |
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"Well on the back of a thread here today, I am infuriated by some people that have the abilities to have children, and then give them up to care or just treat them badly!
Whilst most people are lucky enough to be fertile and go on to have a family, think of the people out there (yes, me included) that are unfortunate and cannot reproduce.
I have seen time and time again where there are people just having children for the money that the government chuck at them, MY hard earned money going on dole scroungers, lazy slobs that don't go out and earn a wage, laying in their bed until midday whilst their kids have to fend for themselves etc....
This has touched a nerve today! Just wish I could turn the clocks back to before I had this problem.
Sorry for the rant, but im sooo disgusted with the way all this goes on.
"
I am sure there are those that you are disgusted at, are maybe disgusted at your behaviour, and wonder how when you say you love somebody can you go and have sex with others.......everybody lives their lives in a way that they see fit, or live their lives with the cards they are dealt with!!!!!!!!!
Maybe the authorities deemed you both not suitable for various reasons, as you see some to be unfit because they give their children up,,,maybe its was for the best interest of the child that they make such decisions...... |
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"Well on the back of a thread here today, I am infuriated by some people that have the abilities to have children, and then give them up to care or just treat them badly!
Whilst most people are lucky enough to be fertile and go on to have a family, think of the people out there (yes, me included) that are unfortunate and cannot reproduce.
I have seen time and time again where there are people just having children for the money that the government chuck at them, MY hard earned money going on dole scroungers, lazy slobs that don't go out and earn a wage, laying in their bed until midday whilst their kids have to fend for themselves etc....
This has touched a nerve today! Just wish I could turn the clocks back to before I had this problem.
Sorry for the rant, but im sooo disgusted with the way all this goes on.
I am sure there are those that you are disgusted at, are maybe disgusted at your behaviour, and wonder how when you say you love somebody can you go and have sex with others.......everybody lives their lives in a way that they see fit, or live their lives with the cards they are dealt with!!!!!!!!!
Maybe the authorities deemed you both not suitable for various reasons, as you see some to be unfit because they give their children up,,,maybe its was for the best interest of the child that they make such decisions......"
If his wife is cool with it i dont see the problem |
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"Well on the back of a thread here today, I am infuriated by some people that have the abilities to have children, and then give them up to care or just treat them badly!
Whilst most people are lucky enough to be fertile and go on to have a family, think of the people out there (yes, me included) that are unfortunate and cannot reproduce.
I have seen time and time again where there are people just having children for the money that the government chuck at them, MY hard earned money going on dole scroungers, lazy slobs that don't go out and earn a wage, laying in their bed until midday whilst their kids have to fend for themselves etc....
This has touched a nerve today! Just wish I could turn the clocks back to before I had this problem.
Sorry for the rant, but im sooo disgusted with the way all this goes on.
I am sure there are those that you are disgusted at, are maybe disgusted at your behaviour, and wonder how when you say you love somebody can you go and have sex with others.......everybody lives their lives in a way that they see fit, or live their lives with the cards they are dealt with!!!!!!!!!
Maybe the authorities deemed you both not suitable for various reasons, as you see some to be unfit because they give their children up,,,maybe its was for the best interest of the child that they make such decisions......"
Whatever the reasons are at the end of the day they still don't get to have a family and anyone in the same situation knows how destroying this can be. |
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I used to know a girl that treated abortions like birth control, she would get pregnant then off to the clinic to get rid of it. Her words not mine.
Other side of the coin. I knew a woman who had enough kids the child benefits would cover the cost of the car, each was wanted any looked after. |
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"Well on the back of a thread here today, I am infuriated by some people that have the abilities to have children, and then give them up to care or just treat them badly!
Whilst most people are lucky enough to be fertile and go on to have a family, think of the people out there (yes, me included) that are unfortunate and cannot reproduce.
I have seen time and time again where there are people just having children for the money that the government chuck at them, MY hard earned money going on dole scroungers, lazy slobs that don't go out and earn a wage, laying in their bed until midday whilst their kids have to fend for themselves etc....
This has touched a nerve today! Just wish I could turn the clocks back to before I had this problem.
Sorry for the rant, but im sooo disgusted with the way all this goes on.
I am sure there are those that you are disgusted at, are maybe disgusted at your behaviour, and wonder how when you say you love somebody can you go and have sex with others.......everybody lives their lives in a way that they see fit, or live their lives with the cards they are dealt with!!!!!!!!!
Maybe the authorities deemed you both not suitable for various reasons, as you see some to be unfit because they give their children up,,,maybe its was for the best interest of the child that they make such decisions...... If his wife is cool with it i dont see the problem "
No do I, but nor do I think that depending on circumstances, seeing a person giving a child up into care if they felt that was for the best of the child, yet the poster is infuriated at people who have children and then give then up to the care authorities, it could be that the mother maybe was anti abortion, but could not cope with having a child to bring up maybe at a young age.......so unless people know every bodys certain circumstances , people cannot really judge, yet many do, just like the OP did! |
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"Well on the back of a thread here today, I am infuriated by some people that have the abilities to have children, and then give them up to care or just treat them badly!
Whilst most people are lucky enough to be fertile and go on to have a family, think of the people out there (yes, me included) that are unfortunate and cannot reproduce.
I have seen time and time again where there are people just having children for the money that the government chuck at them, MY hard earned money going on dole scroungers, lazy slobs that don't go out and earn a wage, laying in their bed until midday whilst their kids have to fend for themselves etc....
This has touched a nerve today! Just wish I could turn the clocks back to before I had this problem.
Sorry for the rant, but im sooo disgusted with the way all this goes on.
I am sure there are those that you are disgusted at, are maybe disgusted at your behaviour, and wonder how when you say you love somebody can you go and have sex with others.......everybody lives their lives in a way that they see fit, or live their lives with the cards they are dealt with!!!!!!!!!
Maybe the authorities deemed you both not suitable for various reasons, as you see some to be unfit because they give their children up,,,maybe its was for the best interest of the child that they make such decisions...... If his wife is cool with it i dont see the problem
No do I, but nor do I think that depending on circumstances, seeing a person giving a child up into care if they felt that was for the best of the child, yet the poster is infuriated at people who have children and then give then up to the care authorities, it could be that the mother maybe was anti abortion, but could not cope with having a child to bring up maybe at a young age.......so unless people know every bodys certain circumstances , people cannot really judge, yet many do, just like the OP did!"
I must have missed that bit in his post |
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By *osieWoman
over a year ago
Wembley |
"Well on the back of a thread here today, I am infuriated by some people that have the abilities to have children, and then give them up to care or just treat them badly!
Whilst most people are lucky enough to be fertile and go on to have a family, think of the people out there (yes, me included) that are unfortunate and cannot reproduce.
I have seen time and time again where there are people just having children for the money that the government chuck at them, MY hard earned money going on dole scroungers, lazy slobs that don't go out and earn a wage, laying in their bed until midday whilst their kids have to fend for themselves etc....
This has touched a nerve today! Just wish I could turn the clocks back to before I had this problem.
Sorry for the rant, but im sooo disgusted with the way all this goes on.
I am sure there are those that you are disgusted at, are maybe disgusted at your behaviour, and wonder how when you say you love somebody can you go and have sex with others.......everybody lives their lives in a way that they see fit, or live their lives with the cards they are dealt with!!!!!!!!!
Maybe the authorities deemed you both not suitable for various reasons, as you see some to be unfit because they give their children up,,,maybe its was for the best interest of the child that they make such decisions...... If his wife is cool with it i dont see the problem
No do I, but nor do I think that depending on circumstances, seeing a person giving a child up into care if they felt that was for the best of the child, yet the poster is infuriated at people who have children and then give then up to the care authorities, it could be that the mother maybe was anti abortion, but could not cope with having a child to bring up maybe at a young age.......so unless people know every bodys certain circumstances , people cannot really judge, yet many do, just like the OP did!"
Where did he write all of that? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"And unless you have a partner, no matter what is written in the leaflets, you will be steered towards fostering. And once they finally refuse, you will end up locking yourself away for weeks on end. Don't put yourself through that. Life is really not fair but it is no one else's fault
That's actually not true. Several of my single friends (including two guys) have adopted children.
This
This is OK if you are 30 - 40, and as a single woman, have a career which gives sufficient income working part time. Once over 40, leaving home at 7:30 am and returning at 7:30 pm with no family within 500 miles and they look at you as if you are crazy"
I know a couple in their 40s not married. Both work full time one travels alot. Not saying its the norm though ive never tried xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I lost 2 babies, then my son was premature and he died, then had my daughter, then lost two more. After all that, I ended up separating from my partner and on benefits. I avoid pregnant women and small babies. I agree that it's horrid to see parents who don't want children, with them. When I'd love another but can't. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I lost 2 babies, then my son was premature and he died, then had my daughter, then lost two more. After all that, I ended up separating from my partner and on benefits. I avoid pregnant women and small babies. I agree that it's horrid to see parents who don't want children, with them. When I'd love another but can't. "
Really sorry to hear that. Thats so hard when you see them everywhere. I got pregnant at the same time as another girl at my work years ago and she lost hers. It was really difficult for her having to see me |
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By *osieWoman
over a year ago
Wembley |
"And unless you have a partner, no matter what is written in the leaflets, you will be steered towards fostering. And once they finally refuse, you will end up locking yourself away for weeks on end. Don't put yourself through that. Life is really not fair but it is no one else's fault
That's actually not true. Several of my single friends (including two guys) have adopted children.
This
This is OK if you are 30 - 40, and as a single woman, have a career which gives sufficient income working part time. Once over 40, leaving home at 7:30 am and returning at 7:30 pm with no family within 500 miles and they look at you as if you are crazy
I know a couple in their 40s not married. Both work full time one travels alot. Not saying its the norm though ive never tried xx"
Good for them. I am surprised that they did as only 1 out of 7 or 8 couples or individuals who complete the application, are approved. I knew that the odds were stacked against me in every way
I am also surprised because I never once met anyone over 40 in the tens of support group meetings I attended
At 43, I was considered too old and not able to give a child sufficient time. I was asked how I will get the child to school and who will be at home when they return. I was asked about my future plans on whether I intended to return home one day. My family ties in case something happened to me. My plans on getting married. I was asked questions about my background
I made one mistake when she asked me if I would still want my own child. I replied truthfully to that. By that I did not mean that my adopted child would be just a replacement for something I could not have. Above all else, that was used against me
Anyways, what is done is done. I am very happy for all those lucky people who have children |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"And unless you have a partner, no matter what is written in the leaflets, you will be steered towards fostering. And once they finally refuse, you will end up locking yourself away for weeks on end. Don't put yourself through that. Life is really not fair but it is no one else's fault
That's actually not true. Several of my single friends (including two guys) have adopted children.
This
This is OK if you are 30 - 40, and as a single woman, have a career which gives sufficient income working part time. Once over 40, leaving home at 7:30 am and returning at 7:30 pm with no family within 500 miles and they look at you as if you are crazy
I know a couple in their 40s not married. Both work full time one travels alot. Not saying its the norm though ive never tried xx
Good for them. I am surprised that they did as only 1 out of 7 or 8 couples or individuals who complete the application, are approved. I knew that the odds were stacked against me in every way
I am also surprised because I never once met anyone over 40 in the tens of support group meetings I attended
At 43, I was considered too old and not able to give a child sufficient time. I was asked how I will get the child to school and who will be at home when they return. I was asked about my future plans on whether I intended to return home one day. My family ties in case something happened to me. My plans on getting married. I was asked questions about my background
I made one mistake when she asked me if I would still want my own child. I replied truthfully to that. By that I did not mean that my adopted child would be just a replacement for something I could not have. Above all else, that was used against me
Anyways, what is done is done. I am very happy for all those lucky people who have children"
Im sorry to hear that. Sounds awful but i expect it also depends where you live and the bumber of kids that need homes. Different areas have different rules. Its stupid.
I dont know the process i know it was a long one but thats all xx |
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"And unless you have a partner, no matter what is written in the leaflets, you will be steered towards fostering. And once they finally refuse, you will end up locking yourself away for weeks on end. Don't put yourself through that. Life is really not fair but it is no one else's fault
That's actually not true. Several of my single friends (including two guys) have adopted children.
This
This is OK if you are 30 - 40, and as a single woman, have a career which gives sufficient income working part time. Once over 40, leaving home at 7:30 am and returning at 7:30 pm with no family within 500 miles and they look at you as if you are crazy
I know a couple in their 40s not married. Both work full time one travels alot. Not saying its the norm though ive never tried xx
Good for them. I am surprised that they did as only 1 out of 7 or 8 couples or individuals who complete the application, are approved. I knew that the odds were stacked against me in every way
I am also surprised because I never once met anyone over 40 in the tens of support group meetings I attended
At 43, I was considered too old and not able to give a child sufficient time. I was asked how I will get the child to school and who will be at home when they return. I was asked about my future plans on whether I intended to return home one day. My family ties in case something happened to me. My plans on getting married. I was asked questions about my background
I made one mistake when she asked me if I would still want my own child. I replied truthfully to that. By that I did not mean that my adopted child would be just a replacement for something I could not have. Above all else, that was used against me
Anyways, what is done is done. I am very happy for all those lucky people who have children"
That's really annoying,I'm sure lots of people who try and adopt would still love to have their own child I certainly did. It took me a long time to decide to look at adoption,but there was still a faint misguided hope I'd still have my own |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
Can I just say thank you to all those of you that have sent me messages this afternoon, there's always one person who sends a insulting one though, they have been reported for their abuse!
The rest of you I sincerely thank you all.
|
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"OP, although your situation isn't great and you've had a choice taken away from you, why do you focus on families that have had children, at a very young age themselves, and slag them off for it.
They've got something you wanted and take it for granted, like most people do.
Don't you understand how people are and that the way they live their lives in not an attack on you personally and that they are just living their lives the best they can, and that not everyone is perfect, far from it.
I don't really care if you don't reply to this but just because you want something doesn't mean you'd be the best at dealing with it if you got it.
I've lost a lot of babies, it probably did make me appreciate my kids more than i would have, but there was a time when i thought i couldn't have kids and i never once resented anyone else for having kids."
This!
When I had my son, three of us went off on maternity leave at the same time. My son died and I returned to work. My colleagues were told not to come in for fear of upsetting me. I was mortified when I found out.
Life isn't fair, my son died, a son my husband and I desperately wanted. My colleagues were single parents but I didn't resent them or feel bitter towards them. I thought life was very unfair but I turned my grief inwards as did my husband and that pretty much ended our marriage, but resenting others? No. |
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"Well this went down like a lead baloon! Upset a few, but it's my personal views that I wanted to put across to everyone.
Fantasy, you are a lovely lady, virtual roses being sent for you
As for adoption, that is not possible, I have tried in the past and got turned down! So it's not as easy as madona showed, plenty of money buys a kid, and I haven't got millions.... yet!
And unless you have a partner, no matter what is written in the leaflets, you will be steered towards fostering. And once they finally refuse, you will end up locking yourself away for weeks on end. Don't put yourself through that. Life is really not fair but it is no one else's fault"
That's not true. I know three single ladies who have adopted. |
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By *osieWoman
over a year ago
Wembley |
"Well this went down like a lead baloon! Upset a few, but it's my personal views that I wanted to put across to everyone.
Fantasy, you are a lovely lady, virtual roses being sent for you
As for adoption, that is not possible, I have tried in the past and got turned down! So it's not as easy as madona showed, plenty of money buys a kid, and I haven't got millions.... yet!
And unless you have a partner, no matter what is written in the leaflets, you will be steered towards fostering. And once they finally refuse, you will end up locking yourself away for weeks on end. Don't put yourself through that. Life is really not fair but it is no one else's fault
That's not true. I know three single ladies who have adopted."
Good for them; what else do you want me to say? |
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"And unless you have a partner, no matter what is written in the leaflets, you will be steered towards fostering. And once they finally refuse, you will end up locking yourself away for weeks on end. Don't put yourself through that. Life is really not fair but it is no one else's fault
That's actually not true. Several of my single friends (including two guys) have adopted children.
When was this? How old were they? What were the ages of the children?
Just because someone got lucky doesn't mean it is the norm. I spent two years jumping through every hoop. It left me drained and depressed"
The three ladies I know were in their late thirties/early forties. This was six years ago. One was born to a drug addict mother but the other two were abandoned by their mothers. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"OP, although your situation isn't great and you've had a choice taken away from you, why do you focus on families that have had children, at a very young age themselves, and slag them off for it.
They've got something you wanted and take it for granted, like most people do.
Don't you understand how people are and that the way they live their lives in not an attack on you personally and that they are just living their lives the best they can, and that not everyone is perfect, far from it.
I don't really care if you don't reply to this but just because you want something doesn't mean you'd be the best at dealing with it if you got it.
I've lost a lot of babies, it probably did make me appreciate my kids more than i would have, but there was a time when i thought i couldn't have kids and i never once resented anyone else for having kids.
This!
When I had my son, three of us went off on maternity leave at the same time. My son died and I returned to work. My colleagues were told not to come in for fear of upsetting me. I was mortified when I found out.
Life isn't fair, my son died, a son my husband and I desperately wanted. My colleagues were single parents but I didn't resent them or feel bitter towards them. I thought life was very unfair but I turned my grief inwards as did my husband and that pretty much ended our marriage, but resenting others? No."
resentfulness and bitterness just eats you up inside, the only person you hurt is yourself |
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Adoption is easy for some, harder for others I know I don't fit the adoption criteria due to issues in my youth. It's a case by case situation just because 3 single females were successful doesn't mean that every single woman will be. Josie is trying to explain HER experiences and it just seems to me that she is getting shot down saying well patsy down the road was successful. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"There is only one thing more painful than having a baby, and that is not being able to. "
I'm fairly sure that being quizzed regularly as to when I'm going to settle down and pop a few kids out is more painful than having a baby. |
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"Well this went down like a lead baloon! Upset a few, but it's my personal views that I wanted to put across to everyone.
Fantasy, you are a lovely lady, virtual roses being sent for you
As for adoption, that is not possible, I have tried in the past and got turned down! So it's not as easy as madona showed, plenty of money buys a kid, and I haven't got millions.... yet!
And unless you have a partner, no matter what is written in the leaflets, you will be steered towards fostering. And once they finally refuse, you will end up locking yourself away for weeks on end. Don't put yourself through that. Life is really not fair but it is no one else's fault
Been there and done all the hoops they asked me and my wife to jump through, we will never be able to have a family we can call our own.... not even through fostering
Sure they must have had their reasons when they declined your applications......and hope you can still be very happy in life with the woman you love..............and live a fulfilled life
From the report: "the service user is still yearning for a biological child"
They wield so much power and appealing against any decision means that you end up taking on the entire department. It is a futile excercise"
My sister never wanted children of her own. Her and her husband said there were so many neglected children they'd adopt.
They live in Italy, a different system, only married couples can adopt, but they had to wait about five years and take all kinds of psychological evaluations because in Italy adoption is the last resort not the first and they were seen as mad. |
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OP not every single mother is on benefits through their own making my daughter for example has four children
one of them autistic and no financial support from her ex who went into another relationship and now has another three children that in his mind they come first . She has actively sought employment and education to get herself off of benefits and I,m sure she is not alone in being in this predicament . So please don't tar all single mums with the same brush . John |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Adoption is easy for some, harder for others I know I don't fit the adoption criteria due to issues in my youth. It's a case by case situation just because 3 single females were successful doesn't mean that every single woman will be. Josie is trying to explain HER experiences and it just seems to me that she is getting shot down saying well patsy down the road was successful. "
I agree. For every person someone knows who has successfully adopted, there will be another 7 or 8 who couldn't or can't. They just probably don't want to shout about it because it's a difficult thing to come to terms with. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"OP not every single mother is on benefits through their own making my daughter for example has four children
one of them autistic and no financial support from her ex who went into another relationship and now has another three children that in his mind they come first . She has actively sought employment and education to get herself off of benefits and I,m sure she is not alone in being in this predicament . So please don't tar all single mums with the same brush . John "
He didn't mention single mums. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"There is only one thing more painful than having a baby, and that is not being able to.
I'm fairly sure that being quizzed regularly as to when I'm going to settle down and pop a few kids out is more painful than having a baby."
I should have followed my statement up with *if you want one*. At least if you don't it's a choice. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Adoption is easy for some, harder for others I know I don't fit the adoption criteria due to issues in my youth. It's a case by case situation just because 3 single females were successful doesn't mean that every single woman will be. Josie is trying to explain HER experiences and it just seems to me that she is getting shot down saying well patsy down the road was successful. "
This although for me i was highlighting the stupidity of different rules in different places. I do hope it didnt come across that way and if it did i apologise xx |
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"Adoption is easy for some, harder for others I know I don't fit the adoption criteria due to issues in my youth. It's a case by case situation just because 3 single females were successful doesn't mean that every single woman will be. Josie is trying to explain HER experiences and it just seems to me that she is getting shot down saying well patsy down the road was successful. "
and no help whatsoever to her |
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"OP not every single mother is on benefits through their own making my daughter for example has four children
one of them autistic and no financial support from her ex who went into another relationship and now has another three children that in his mind they come first . She has actively sought employment and education to get herself off of benefits and I,m sure she is not alone in being in this predicament . So please don't tar all single mums with the same brush . John
He didn't mention single mums."
No but most of them are on benefits where as most couples one of them will be working |
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"Adoption is easy for some, harder for others I know I don't fit the adoption criteria due to issues in my youth. It's a case by case situation just because 3 single females were successful doesn't mean that every single woman will be. Josie is trying to explain HER experiences and it just seems to me that she is getting shot down saying well patsy down the road was successful. "
I didn't mean to upset anyone and apologise if I did. I know how emotive some subjects can be.
My point was in response to her stating single people can't adopt. The ladies I know were black adopting black babies with problems. I'm assuming healthy white babies are few and far between? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I am male and unable to get pregnant. I feel left out.
Bit flippant for a topic that so many people are sensitive about, no?
I thought so."
Perhaps a little less sensitivity might be a good thing?
Whether or not you reproduce might not be the be all and end all of your life?
I will not. Sad, I know. But I am able to enjoy life anyway. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"OP not every single mother is on benefits through their own making my daughter for example has four children
one of them autistic and no financial support from her ex who went into another relationship and now has another three children that in his mind they come first . She has actively sought employment and education to get herself off of benefits and I,m sure she is not alone in being in this predicament . So please don't tar all single mums with the same brush . John
He didn't mention single mums.
No but most of them are on benefits where as most couples one of them will be working "
Really?  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"OP not every single mother is on benefits through their own making my daughter for example has four children
one of them autistic and no financial support from her ex who went into another relationship and now has another three children that in his mind they come first . She has actively sought employment and education to get herself off of benefits and I,m sure she is not alone in being in this predicament . So please don't tar all single mums with the same brush . John
He didn't mention single mums.
No but most of them are on benefits where as most couples one of them will be working "
Most single mums are on benifits? Do you really believe that?
The odd few in the daily mail and on reality TV do not cover most single mums that's just what these people want you to believe because it makes good viewing |
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"OP not every single mother is on benefits through their own making my daughter for example has four children
one of them autistic and no financial support from her ex who went into another relationship and now has another three children that in his mind they come first . She has actively sought employment and education to get herself off of benefits and I,m sure she is not alone in being in this predicament . So please don't tar all single mums with the same brush . John
He didn't mention single mums.
No but most of them are on benefits where as most couples one of them will be working "
I find this insulting!!!
I am a single parent because my partner cheated on me. I work full time & bought him out of our house. I get a small amount of tax credits towards my childcare & resent needing to claim it.
I have a couple of other friends who are also now single parents & they also work full time!!
Please don't tar us all with a generic brush. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"OP not every single mother is on benefits through their own making my daughter for example has four children
one of them autistic and no financial support from her ex who went into another relationship and now has another three children that in his mind they come first . She has actively sought employment and education to get herself off of benefits and I,m sure she is not alone in being in this predicament . So please don't tar all single mums with the same brush . John
He didn't mention single mums.
No but most of them are on benefits where as most couples one of them will be working "
Yes some single parents are on benefits, many are not and are working.
If you look towards the beginning of this topic you will see the position I am unfortunately currently in. I sincerely hope that it is a position I will not be in for long as I like to work. Not every situation is cut and dried. |
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By *osieWoman
over a year ago
Wembley |
"Adoption is easy for some, harder for others I know I don't fit the adoption criteria due to issues in my youth. It's a case by case situation just because 3 single females were successful doesn't mean that every single woman will be. Josie is trying to explain HER experiences and it just seems to me that she is getting shot down saying well patsy down the road was successful.
I didn't mean to upset anyone and apologise if I did. I know how emotive some subjects can be.
My point was in response to her stating single people can't adopt. The ladies I know were black adopting black babies with problems. I'm assuming healthy white babies are few and far between? "
I did not care if the baby was black, white or green. It just so happens that the borough I live in, there were more black babies up for adoption than any other. I just wanted a baby of my own who I could love
But the borough I live in has some strange policies. They prefer to 'match' ethnicities. Unfortunately, that meant that my application started off on the waiting list
I did not say that single people could not adopt. I was given every assurance that I could. But the line of questioning meant that I was seen as less 'capable' in bringing up a child compared to someone who will have help by late starts or early back from work and someone who could take time off if the child was ill, etc
I would have done all of that when the time came. I ofcourse, did not want to make major changes to my career before these were needed. I had even started to think of selling up and moving to a smaller house near to a very good school not far away
Anyway, I am certainly not bitter. If it is anyone's fault then it is my own. I put off having children for so long that it then became an issue, I wasn't going to grab someone, anyone from the street and start a family |
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"Adoption is easy for some, harder for others I know I don't fit the adoption criteria due to issues in my youth. It's a case by case situation just because 3 single females were successful doesn't mean that every single woman will be. Josie is trying to explain HER experiences and it just seems to me that she is getting shot down saying well patsy down the road was successful.
I didn't mean to upset anyone and apologise if I did. I know how emotive some subjects can be.
My point was in response to her stating single people can't adopt. The ladies I know were black adopting black babies with problems. I'm assuming healthy white babies are few and far between?
I did not care if the baby was black, white or green. It just so happens that the borough I live in, there were more black babies up for adoption than any other. I just wanted a baby of my own who I could love
But the borough I live in has some strange policies. They prefer to 'match' ethnicities. Unfortunately, that meant that my application started off on the waiting list
I did not say that single people could not adopt. I was given every assurance that I could. But the line of questioning meant that I was seen as less 'capable' in bringing up a child compared to someone who will have help by late starts or early back from work and someone who could take time off if the child was ill, etc
I would have done all of that when the time came. I ofcourse, did not want to make major changes to my career before these were needed. I had even started to think of selling up and moving to a smaller house near to a very good school not far away
Anyway, I am certainly not bitter. If it is anyone's fault then it is my own. I put off having children for so long that it then became an issue, I wasn't going to grab someone, anyone from the street and start a family"
I think they introduced "ethnic matching" years ago which is sad as the ability to love isn't down to ethnicity. Add to that black people tend not to adopt so children are left unloved in institutions instead of in a loving environment.
That's why I think the ladies I know were able to adopt. Sorry state of affairs. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"OP not every single mother is on benefits through their own making my daughter for example has four children
one of them autistic and no financial support from her ex who went into another relationship and now has another three children that in his mind they come first . She has actively sought employment and education to get herself off of benefits and I,m sure she is not alone in being in this predicament . So please don't tar all single mums with the same brush . John
He didn't mention single mums.
No but most of them are on benefits where as most couples one of them will be working
I find this insulting!!!
I am a single parent because my partner cheated on me. I work full time & bought him out of our house. I get a small amount of tax credits towards my childcare & resent needing to claim it.
I have a couple of other friends who are also now single parents & they also work full time!!
Please don't tar us all with a generic brush."
You might be a sinlge parent because of many reasons. You might have been incompatible. You might have been intolerable to live with. He might have been difficult.
Presumably, you are better off separate? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Adoption is easy for some, harder for others I know I don't fit the adoption criteria due to issues in my youth. It's a case by case situation just because 3 single females were successful doesn't mean that every single woman will be. Josie is trying to explain HER experiences and it just seems to me that she is getting shot down saying well patsy down the road was successful.
I didn't mean to upset anyone and apologise if I did. I know how emotive some subjects can be.
My point was in response to her stating single people can't adopt. The ladies I know were black adopting black babies with problems. I'm assuming healthy white babies are few and far between?
I did not care if the baby was black, white or green. It just so happens that the borough I live in, there were more black babies up for adoption than any other. I just wanted a baby of my own who I could love
But the borough I live in has some strange policies. They prefer to 'match' ethnicities. Unfortunately, that meant that my application started off on the waiting list
I did not say that single people could not adopt. I was given every assurance that I could. But the line of questioning meant that I was seen as less 'capable' in bringing up a child compared to someone who will have help by late starts or early back from work and someone who could take time off if the child was ill, etc
I would have done all of that when the time came. I ofcourse, did not want to make major changes to my career before these were needed. I had even started to think of selling up and moving to a smaller house near to a very good school not far away
Anyway, I am certainly not bitter. If it is anyone's fault then it is my own. I put off having children for so long that it then became an issue, I wasn't going to grab someone, anyone from the street and start a family"
I find it strange that a child can only be adopted by people of their own skin colour, surely a child is better off in a loving home with people of a different colour than left in the system
Love does not see colour surely |
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"OP, how many women do you know who have had children for the sole purpose of gaining state benefits?
I've worked in benefit offices and it definitely happens  "
Having said that, most of them were couples. A baby a year for a pay rise |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"OP, how many women do you know who have had children for the sole purpose of gaining state benefits?
I've worked in benefit offices and it definitely happens "
I'm related to a good few of them too. |
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I have a friend who adopted.
She told me that it's imperative that the social worker likes you.
You can tick all the right boxes but if they don't like you they can always find a way to deem you unsuitable.
She heard that on the grapevine, so I'm not sure how true it is. |
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"OP, how many women do you know who have had children for the sole purpose of gaining state benefits?
I've worked in benefit offices and it definitely happens
I'm related to a good few of them too. "
A lot of the kids I went to school with fit this description too. |
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"OP, how many women do you know who have had children for the sole purpose of gaining state benefits?
I've worked in benefit offices and it definitely happens
I'm related to a good few of them too. "
In my career I see a few too  |
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"OP not every single mother is on benefits through their own making my daughter for example has four children
one of them autistic and no financial support from her ex who went into another relationship and now has another three children that in his mind they come first . She has actively sought employment and education to get herself off of benefits and I,m sure she is not alone in being in this predicament . So please don't tar all single mums with the same brush . John
He didn't mention single mums.
No but most of them are on benefits where as most couples one of them will be working
I find this insulting!!!
I am a single parent because my partner cheated on me. I work full time & bought him out of our house. I get a small amount of tax credits towards my childcare & resent needing to claim it.
I have a couple of other friends who are also now single parents & they also work full time!!
Please don't tar us all with a generic brush.
You might be a sinlge parent because of many reasons. You might have been incompatible. You might have been intolerable to live with. He might have been difficult.
Presumably, you are better off separate?"
It doesn't matter why I am a single parent - that is not the point!!! |
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"OP, how many women do you know who have had children for the sole purpose of gaining state benefits?
I've worked in benefit offices and it definitely happens
I'm related to a good few of them too.
In my career I see a few too "
My sister. I don't have contact with her anymore. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Adoption is easy for some, harder for others I know I don't fit the adoption criteria due to issues in my youth. It's a case by case situation just because 3 single females were successful doesn't mean that every single woman will be. Josie is trying to explain HER experiences and it just seems to me that she is getting shot down saying well patsy down the road was successful.
I didn't mean to upset anyone and apologise if I did. I know how emotive some subjects can be.
My point was in response to her stating single people can't adopt. The ladies I know were black adopting black babies with problems. I'm assuming healthy white babies are few and far between?
I did not care if the baby was black, white or green. It just so happens that the borough I live in, there were more black babies up for adoption than any other. I just wanted a baby of my own who I could love
But the borough I live in has some strange policies. They prefer to 'match' ethnicities. Unfortunately, that meant that my application started off on the waiting list
I did not say that single people could not adopt. I was given every assurance that I could. But the line of questioning meant that I was seen as less 'capable' in bringing up a child compared to someone who will have help by late starts or early back from work and someone who could take time off if the child was ill, etc
I would have done all of that when the time came. I ofcourse, did not want to make major changes to my career before these were needed. I had even started to think of selling up and moving to a smaller house near to a very good school not far away
Anyway, I am certainly not bitter. If it is anyone's fault then it is my own. I put off having children for so long that it then became an issue, I wasn't going to grab someone, anyone from the street and start a family
I think they introduced "ethnic matching" years ago which is sad as the ability to love isn't down to ethnicity. Add to that black people tend not to adopt so children are left unloved in institutions instead of in a loving environment.
That's why I think the ladies I know were able to adopt. Sorry state of affairs. "
It's the same where I live too, one of the boroughs intruduced 'ethnic matching' when I was looking into adoption 10 years ago. Wasn't an easy process back then & I don't know if it's any easier now.
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"OP not every single mother is on benefits through their own making my daughter for example has four children
one of them autistic and no financial support from her ex who went into another relationship and now has another three children that in his mind they come first . She has actively sought employment and education to get herself off of benefits and I,m sure she is not alone in being in this predicament . So please don't tar all single mums with the same brush . John
He didn't mention single mums.
No but most of them are on benefits where as most couples one of them will be working
I find this insulting!!!
I am a single parent because my partner cheated on me. I work full time & bought him out of our house. I get a small amount of tax credits towards my childcare & resent needing to claim it.
I have a couple of other friends who are also now single parents & they also work full time!!
Please don't tar us all with a generic brush.
You might be a sinlge parent because of many reasons. You might have been incompatible. You might have been intolerable to live with. He might have been difficult.
Presumably, you are better off separate?
It doesn't matter why I am a single parent - that is not the point!!! "
I must admit when I read that I though what's that got to do with whether she works or not |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"OP, how many women do you know who have had children for the sole purpose of gaining state benefits?
I've worked in benefit offices and it definitely happens "
One of the reasons some choose to foster is the money element thats involved, not really the motive imo. |
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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in North Norfolk |
"I chose not to have kids.
Now it's too late, I am wondering if I made the wrong decision
How is it to late? You are 42? "
I'm also very, very single!
As far as I know, it's not physically too late, although the risk of complications is significantly higher at my age.
I don't want to be an "old" parent though and neither my health nor my financial situation are well suited to having a child.
Even if I had a child next year, when they are 11, I'd be nearly 54. By the time they leave school, 59. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I chose not to have kids.
Now it's too late, I am wondering if I made the wrong decision
How is it to late? You are 42? "
True, my auntie had my cousin when she was 44, she had 3 older children with a 17 year age gap between her 3rd and 4th child. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I chose not to have kids.
Now it's too late, I am wondering if I made the wrong decision
How is it to late? You are 42?
True, my auntie had my cousin when she was 44, she had 3 older children with a 17 year age gap between her 3rd and 4th child. "
Holy crap
Imagine getting your youngest kid to 17 then falling pregnant again at 44
I'd be suicidal  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I chose not to have kids.
Now it's too late, I am wondering if I made the wrong decision
How is it to late? You are 42?
True, my auntie had my cousin when she was 44, she had 3 older children with a 17 year age gap between her 3rd and 4th child.
Holy crap
Imagine getting your youngest kid to 17 then falling pregnant again at 44
I'd be suicidal "
Aww fucking hell you haven't met my auntie she's like superwoman! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"OP not every single mother is on benefits through their own making my daughter for example has four children
one of them autistic and no financial support from her ex who went into another relationship and now has another three children that in his mind they come first . She has actively sought employment and education to get herself off of benefits and I,m sure she is not alone in being in this predicament . So please don't tar all single mums with the same brush . John
He didn't mention single mums.
No but most of them are on benefits where as most couples one of them will be working
I find this insulting!!!
I am a single parent because my partner cheated on me. I work full time & bought him out of our house. I get a small amount of tax credits towards my childcare & resent needing to claim it.
I have a couple of other friends who are also now single parents & they also work full time!!
Please don't tar us all with a generic brush.
You might be a sinlge parent because of many reasons. You might have been incompatible. You might have been intolerable to live with. He might have been difficult.
Presumably, you are better off separate?
It doesn't matter why I am a single parent - that is not the point!!! "
Sorry, I missed the point. |
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"I chose not to have kids.
Now it's too late, I am wondering if I made the wrong decision
How is it to late? You are 42?
I'm also very, very single!
As far as I know, it's not physically too late, although the risk of complications is significantly higher at my age.
I don't want to be an "old" parent though and neither my health nor my financial situation are well suited to having a child.
Even if I had a child next year, when they are 11, I'd be nearly 54. By the time they leave school, 59."
I understand that my mum was your age when she had me and I can totally understand...sorry I should never assume it's about age. |
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