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Not wanting babies.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I'm now 28 and I'm 99percent sure I don't want kids. My question has anyone gone through life not wanting kids and later in life thought "shit I want them!" And it maybe been too late? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't want kids but I'm younger than you so this might not be helpful!
The way I see it, if I change my mind and it is "too late" to have kids, there's hundreds of kiddies already in the world without loving parents, so I'd adopt.  |
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Great attitude to have your right loads of unadopted kids around xxx I do want kids myself too xxx If fate allows me to meet the right woman maybe we would have at least one together and adopt another later xxx |
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By *otgirl32Woman
over a year ago
Ashton Under Lyne |
"I'm now 28 and I'm 99percent sure I don't want kids. My question has anyone gone through life not wanting kids and later in life thought "shit I want them!" And it maybe been too late? "
I think you have to make a distinction between not wanting kids "now" and not wanting them "ever". Like you I've been in the "don't want" camp but I'm pretty clear it's for now. The later is somewhat dependent on having a husband which doesn't exist at this moment in time  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm now 28 and I'm 99percent sure I don't want kids. My question has anyone gone through life not wanting kids and later in life thought "shit I want them!" And it maybe been too late? "
I never wanted kids either when I was your age as I was too busy being selfish and enjoying myself, plus I had a good job and travelled all over...fast forward 10 years I realised having one would be a good thing ...which turned out to be the best decision I'd ever made.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I was sure i didnt then i got pregnant and i am so lucky. Kids arent for everyone though and never let anyone make you feel like you should because thats what most people do. Xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I didn't want to have children but I fell pregnant accidentally against all odds fertility issues and protection 
I rolled with it and am glad I did. Fates and all.
That being said each to their own you define you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I didn't want kids in my 20's I was too busy travelling & having fun & then out of the blue I turned 30 & thought omg I want to have them.
So I quit smoking, curtailed the drinking & partying & went for it.
I'm glad I did but if I hadn't for any reason,I still would have been happy with my life |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've never been the maternal type and can't see that ever changing to be honest. I enjoy my current life too much. Luckily I'm with someone who isn't bothered about kids so I'm sorted  |
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I'm completely missing the maternal gene. I love my sister's kids but I have no desire to carry or raise one of my own, ever.
I'm 37 now, luckily I haven't had to deal with the "why are you single? When are you going to get married and have kids?" questions very often. But anyone who asks is told in no uncertain terms that not everyone wants that, or would be good at it. I know I'd be a terrible mother. |
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"I'm now 28 and I'm 99percent sure I don't want kids. My question has anyone gone through life not wanting kids and later in life thought "shit I want them!" And it maybe been too late? "
I was the same. At 30 it hit me I wanted them. It never happened and it's a killer |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have no desire to actually have kids .... I don't see myself going through the whole birth thing.... However I want to be a mum so always wanted to adopt but I think I may change my mind in a few years and decide actually I want a child .... Depends if I find someone who's worth it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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After 18 years of marriage and still no kids my wife is bitterly disappointed, it's a bit of a sore subject for me, as I can't produce enough strong swimmers
What makes me sick is all the parents that never wanted their kids, and treat them badly!
I would love to have a little nipper here, as would the wife too, often thought of fostering but they won't allow it due to my history... nothing child related but let's just say I was a bit naughty when I was younger.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I never thought I'd have any...I have cerebral palsy, admittedly very mild. . but I always assumed it'd never happen.
However, I met my now- ex, and I'm now firmly wrapped around the fingers of a 6 and 3 year old, and loving every minute with them, even when dealing with tantrums and impossible logic.
It's hard sometimes, but I'd do it again. However, the chances are that'll be unlikely. In honesty, when they're with their mum and not here, these days I'm a lost soul...I found something I'm good at... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I never thought I'd have any...I have cerebral palsy, admittedly very mild. . but I always assumed it'd never happen.
However, I met my now- ex, and I'm now firmly wrapped around the fingers of a 6 and 3 year old, and loving every minute with them, even when dealing with tantrums and impossible logic.
It's hard sometimes, but I'd do it again. However, the chances are that'll be unlikely. In honesty, when they're with their mum and not here, these days I'm a lost soul...I found something I'm good at... "
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When I was younger I didn't want kids. Biological clock kicked in when I was about 30. Turns out I won't be able to carry a baby. Obviously wish I got on with it sooner before the medical problems kicked in but I had no way of knowing... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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ha! where these 2 are concerned I have no defences...I just turn soppy, downright silly and count my blessings. I danced with them both in the work dance room in front of students ( school), in my waistcoat on Friday. . People were rather surprised.
right now, I'm lying between them both, listening to a duet of snoring, and feeling very peaceful. is it weird that I sometimes just sit and watch them sleep? Or sleep on the floor so i don't disturb them by climbing in sometimes? ( We co- sleep, always have! ) See? soppy bugger, me. |
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I was told at 19 I'd never have them naturally if at all. I was still a baby myself so didn't really give it too much thought.
Fast forward a few years I had a light bulb moment / slap in face & realised I was desperate for a baby.
I had to give up smoking & drinking ready to start IVF in the new year. Found out I was pregnant on Christmas Eve & he was born on my dad & father in laws birthday.
It took another 5 years but found out I was pregnant again on Christmas Day just as I'd given up.
They can be hard work but I wouldn't be without them x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've never actively either wanted or not wanted children, but somehow the opportunity never presented itself (life and all that malarkey). I think I would have made a good mum but that ship has sailed and my life isn't set up for small people at all. Most people find me odd in this regard, but that's absolutely fine. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm now 28 and I'm 99percent sure I don't want kids. My question has anyone gone through life not wanting kids and later in life thought "shit I want them!" And it maybe been too late? "
Absolutely not; decided early on to focus on a career and enjoy holidays, travel, social life and have the ability to up and go at the snap of the fingers. questioned this a few times with the correct questions:
Do you really want to bring a child into this world with the amount of troubles, hassles and lack of proper schooling, government and NHS, things are indeed going to get much worse, why bring a kid into this disruptive world?
We can provide finance, good home send to private school but eventually that kid is going to have to step into the big bad world of shit;
Alternatively, you can enjoy what you have without kids and visit amazing places, USA, Hawaii, Aus.; Malaysia, Vietnam and simply enjoy life
Mnay will disagree but you did ask, do you have any regrets and for me its a BIG NO |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm desperate for a baby. It's a huge void in my life and the one thing I would do anything for "
then focus more on your wife rather than playing on here;
after all you do say on your profile you are married but playing around alone |
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We was like that but we both started to think different in our late 20,s glad we changed our minds i fell pregnant at 29 my husband was 31 we have a beautiful daughter would certainly missed out on life if we had not had her |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think it comes down to wanting them with the right person.
I never wanted kids with my ex husband but am desperate for them with my current husband.
Janey x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's never too late to become a parent.
Theirs lots of children out there who are looking for a family to love and protect them.
The adoption services are always looking for good parents, whether they're single mum's, single dad's or a couple. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Used to do lots of babysitting as a teen, and wanted to be a Primary school teacher. LOVED children just didnt want any of my own.. they never featured in my 'dreams'
Took precautions against having them, then got caught short.
For a brief moment i thought of termination but wasnt an option as i was 6 month gone,, thought adoption for a few moments too.. then suddenly i just thought 'this is the hand of cards fate has dealt me,, just accept it'
After PND i made it and now our bond is ridiculously tight. Feel bad looking back at how i felt, but id not be without her |
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"I'm desperate for a baby. It's a huge void in my life and the one thing I would do anything for
then focus more on your wife rather than playing on here;
after all you do say on your profile you are married but playing around alone"
Who are you to judge or comment???
We don't know the reasons why they don't or can't have children. |
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"Used to do lots of babysitting as a teen, and wanted to be a Primary school teacher. LOVED children just didnt want any of my own.. they never featured in my 'dreams'
Took precautions against having them, then got caught short.
For a brief moment i thought of termination but wasnt an option as i was 6 month gone,, thought adoption for a few moments too.. then suddenly i just thought 'this is the hand of cards fate has dealt me,, just accept it'
After PND i made it and now our bond is ridiculously tight. Feel bad looking back at how i felt, but id not be without her "
like i have said its the best thing that as happened to us our Daughter |
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Incidentally my dad's wife has never wanted children and never regretted not having any. She was and is very focused on her career and will openly admit to being quite selfish when it comes to her free time.
(just because I know how the forum trampoline works...I am not saying you cannot have a career if you have kids, I know very many successful people who have had both but that was her reasoning) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've got a couple going spare if anyone wants one?"
That's the irony, we never quite know how we will feel once we have them. I never wanted my own kids. I have a step daughter I met when she was 6. I told her mum I don't want any and went for the snip. In the waiting time for the opp she fell for our son. He was born via emergency cesarean and I have a pic of me holding him at 5 min old. That moment changed my life
He's now 19, at uni and absolutely loving London and all it has to offer a young gay man. I love him unconditionally unlike anyone else in my life. I would never have know any of this if he wasn't born. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm desperate for a baby. It's a huge void in my life and the one thing I would do anything for
then focus more on your wife rather than playing on here;
after all you do say on your profile you are married but playing around alone"
Mind you don't fall off that high horse, it can be a long way down.... |
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"I'm the opposite. I'd love to have children but with each passing year I find myself worrying that I've left it too late. "
I'm in the same boat as you Evie, we are virtually the same age. I hope and believe that my time will come and I'll not be one of those who "never met the right man" |
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"It's never too late to become a parent.
Theirs lots of children out there who are looking for a family to love and protect them.
The adoption services are always looking for good parents, whether they're single mum's, single dad's or a couple."
Do you know just how difficult it is to adopt? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Incidentally my dad's wife has never wanted children and never regretted not having any. She was and is very focused on her career and will openly admit to being quite selfish when it comes to her free time.
(just because I know how the forum trampoline works...I am not saying you cannot have a career if you have kids, I know very many successful people who have had both but that was her reasoning)"
Nowadays that scenario is on the increase Evie, woman are leaving it later in life to try & have children, some with success others unfortunately without. And some, like your dads wife are happy just as they are. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's never too late to become a parent.
Theirs lots of children out there who are looking for a family to love and protect them.
The adoption services are always looking for good parents, whether they're single mum's, single dad's or a couple.
Do you know just how difficult it is to adopt? "
I looked into adoption, the whole process seems mind blowing from the start! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think you should always leave your options open!
28 is fairly young to make a final decision - even if it does feel that way at the moment.
At 28 I had decided that I was going to spend the rest of my life in India ....
I am one of those people where babies just never seemed to happen ( through choice mainly) - and as I'm turning 41 next month I doubt they ever will!
I'm female so of course I regret it - especially as the option is being taken away from me!
Time moves fast!
x
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"I have no desire to actually have kids .... I don't see myself going through the whole birth thing.... However I want to be a mum so always wanted to adopt but I think I may change my mind in a few years and decide actually I want a child .... Depends if I find someone who's worth it "
My sister never wanted the birth experience either. Didn't want babies full stop. Her husband was the same. They have an amazing life, mortgage free, foreign holidays, great jobs, top of the range Mercedes bought outright but they wanted to be parents so they adopted an eight years old girl from Brazil,
They live in Italy and it took five years for them because they had to go through all kinds of psychological evaluations. In Italy adoption is the last resort, couples exhaust every avenue trying for their own child.
My sister and her husband were seen as mad as adoption was their first choice.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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the only problem with working in a school is not that I'm surrounded by them, but that you become very aware of the fact that some of them don't have a stable/ nice home life. We really have some sad cases, and although some of them can be challenging... At heart they're good kids.
The other thing that makes me want to run to either home, and spend 24/7 with a sharp sword watching the doorways to keep them safe is all the child protection training we have to do... Some of the things you hear are really upsetting.
I may never have expected these, but so help me, anyone wanting to do badly by them will have to go through me to do it.
I can understand people choosing to live their life and go career.. That's everyone's choice. . The way I see it, I have 2 jobs.. scientist by day, child raising and nurturing by night, at least when I've got them! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't want kids but I'm younger than you so this might not be helpful!
The way I see it, if I change my mind and it is "too late" to have kids, there's hundreds of kiddies already in the world without loving parents, so I'd adopt. "
I've had the snip...but love kids.Like many blokes I have the ability to turn back time and revert back to having a mental age of a 5 year old...great fun...bloody glad to hand them back though. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm desperate for a baby. It's a huge void in my life and the one thing I would do anything for
then focus more on your wife rather than playing on here;
after all you do say on your profile you are married but playing around alone"
How very rude!!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm 40 and have been step mum twice and not had my own. I have never been maternal and the relationships I have been in would have been a disaster to have children in so I'm happy with my lot for the most part.
Sometimes I wonder what if..... but my health isn't great and it would need an amazing man who just doesn't exist for me now |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Really really really really really really really really don't want kids.
Can't imagine my life tied down with kids and not being able to do whatever I wanted.
Sounds selfish but it's much better than having kids just because that's what you think you should do. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm desperate for a baby. It's a huge void in my life and the one thing I would do anything for
then focus more on your wife rather than playing on here;
after all you do say on your profile you are married but playing around alone"
thank you for the advice fella - that'll be the magic bullet that makes us fertile |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm 32. Around children all day and love them to bits. Married but neither of us want kids. Had a termination which i don't regret but think about because it has occurred to me that it's not i don't want kids, but i don't want kids with my partner. Always wanted to foster but recently partner has changed his mind and that really hurts (esp since we'd set the ball rolling and the agencies were loving us due to our lifestyle and jobs etc). Feel totally lost in this situation...glad someone brought it up in here so i can have a read and think |
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By *osieWoman
over a year ago
Wembley |
"I'm now 28 and I'm 99percent sure I don't want kids. My question has anyone gone through life not wanting kids and later in life thought "shit I want them!" And it maybe been too late? "
Yes
But I have a God-daughter and three nieces and nephews so it is not tooooo bad |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Really really really really really really really really don't want kids.
Can't imagine my life tied down with kids and not being able to do whatever I wanted.
Sounds selfish but it's much better than having kids just because that's what you think you should do."
I can't say I feel tied down with them. They do take a lot of my time, and their mum does sometimes use that to her advantage to live " her" life with new bloke. . but that's her right. I don't mind.
I just take them with me. . heh. Although I do understand what you're saying.
maybe I am tied down. Maybe I like being tied down... heh. .  |
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"Really really really really really really really really don't want kids.
Can't imagine my life tied down with kids and not being able to do whatever I wanted.
Sounds selfish but it's much better than having kids just because that's what you think you should do."
it's not possible for this situation to be labelled selfish by anyone. if one decides not to have children then that's not selfish because the object to which the selfishness is directed doesn't exist, but if one has children then ignores them or treats them badly, then that is selfish. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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agreed. mine have just been collected by their mum... House is silent, and I can't get used to it. I suddenly feel at a very loose end with no purpose.
worst bit of the weekend. Time to fix car #3, kids bikes, mow the lawn, and try to keep busy. bum. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Really really really really really really really really don't want kids.
Can't imagine my life tied down with kids and not being able to do whatever I wanted.
Sounds selfish but it's much better than having kids just because that's what you think you should do.
it's not possible for this situation to be labelled selfish by anyone. if one decides not to have children then that's not selfish because the object to which the selfishness is directed doesn't exist, but if one has children then ignores them or treats them badly, then that is selfish."
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm 32. Around children all day and love them to bits. Married but neither of us want kids. Had a termination which i don't regret but think about because it has occurred to me that it's not i don't want kids, but i don't want kids with my partner. Always wanted to foster but recently partner has changed his mind and that really hurts (esp since we'd set the ball rolling and the agencies were loving us due to our lifestyle and jobs etc). Feel totally lost in this situation...glad someone brought it up in here so i can have a read and think "
Can single people foster?
If your partner's not 'the one'... |
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"I think it comes down to wanting them with the right person.
I never wanted kids with my ex husband but am desperate for them with my current husband.
Janey x"
Very true finding the right person is so important someone whos your better half and feels the same about raising kids as you do xx I have a close friend who i wouldnt mind getting together with but just seeing what fate brings i guess xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Can single people foster?
If your partner's not 'the one'..."
The fostering agencies prefer people/one of the couple who only work part time or not at all. So i could foster as a single but I'd barely be able to afford it as a single person working part time. It's not ideal. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Could not see myself without children they rock my world. Saying that I am glad I had them when I was young because when I turn 40 my eldest will be 20. We have had our ups and downs but no regrets and that I have raised 2 amazing girls all by myself proudest thing I have done with my life x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm now 28 and I'm 99percent sure I don't want kids. My question has anyone gone through life not wanting kids and later in life thought "shit I want them!" And it maybe been too late?
I never wanted kids either when I was your age as I was too busy being selfish and enjoying myself, plus I had a good job and travelled all over...fast forward 10 years I realised having one would be a good thing ...which turned out to be the best decision I'd ever made.."
I don't see what you did as selfish at all so not sure why you'd think that |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I never wanted kids really until i was told i may not be able to have them and if i did want them i needed to have them now!!! 10 miscarriages later i am now 32 weeks pregnant at 34 years old...xx funny how been told u may not be able to made me realise i did... |
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"I never wanted kids really until i was told i may not be able to have them and if i did want them i needed to have them now!!! 10 miscarriages later i am now 32 weeks pregnant at 34 years old...xx funny how been told u may not be able to made me realise i did... "
Yeah it is funny xxx But congrats anyway hard with the miscarriages no doubt but worked out the end well done xxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I never wanted kids really until i was told i may not be able to have them and if i did want them i needed to have them now!!! 10 miscarriages later i am now 32 weeks pregnant at 34 years old...xx funny how been told u may not be able to made me realise i did...
Yeah it is funny xxx But congrats anyway hard with the miscarriages no doubt but worked out the end well done xxx "
Thankyou x it has been an emotional rollercoaster but yes definatly worth it.... |
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"I'm now 28 and I'm 99percent sure I don't want kids. My question has anyone gone through life not wanting kids and later in life thought "shit I want them!" And it maybe been too late? "
Well I have 2 and wish sometimes I hadn't of had them as they cost me a fortune in maintenance lol. In hindsight I should have used her bum lol
But seriously at end of day its personal choice and the human race would end if all of us didn't have them Ive known people adopt later in life and have been just as happy as they have felt they have helped a child! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Isn't there a thing where you can freeze your eggs/sperm to use later for artificial insemation wither on yourself or a surrogate? Maybe that's an option |
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"Isn't there a thing where you can freeze your eggs/sperm to use later for artificial insemation wither on yourself or a surrogate? Maybe that's an option "
Yes you can through ivf my sis did that had her first but had 5 other eggs frozen xxx Then 5 years later had her son from the same batch xxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Can single people foster?
If your partner's not 'the one'...
The fostering agencies prefer people/one of the couple who only work part time or not at all. So i could foster as a single but I'd barely be able to afford it as a single person working part time. It's not ideal."
 x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"...... as they cost me a fortune in maintenance lol. In hindsight I should have used her bum."
ROFL! EXCELLENT comment! I pay MASSIVELY More than I should in maintenance based on the time I have them...3 figures instead of a verified 2. But that's because for the next year youngest is still at nursery, so I provide half his fees through choice, and I want to make sure they don't go short.
Once he's in main school, I'll dial it back to " more indicated" levels and put the difference in a bank for them. my only worry them is she starts to try and play silly for access. sigh
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Not interested at all.
I fear it's going to be difficult to meet someone who feels the same."
When I was single, it was on my dating profiles as am early stipulation. The amount of guys who gave me grief over it was unreal.
Plus, people need to remember that being a mother is not as 'precious' a thing to everyone. I'd rather the lie ins and holidays six times a year but y'know... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The older I have gotten the more I have been sure I don't want kids. However if I woke up one day and I desperately wanted to, I would probably adopt, even if it wasn't too late biologically because there are lots of children out there that need loving homes. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think it's hard for some men to fully understand that maternal feeling or body clock screaming at women, I've dated women my age who are clearly aiming to almost have immediate relationships and it's frightening how much it blurs the ideas of even getting to know a guy properly etc.
Adoption and fostering aren't easy for everyone, but they are looking to make it easier and I'd say try every moral and legal way if you're dying to be a mother. Have a few mates who have really wanted to be dads and then get their next girlfriends at the right time etc. I wouldn't say any of them regret having children. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm desperate for a baby. It's a huge void in my life and the one thing I would do anything for
then focus more on your wife rather than playing on here;
after all you do say on your profile you are married but playing around alone
Who are you to judge or comment???
We don't know the reasons why they don't or can't have children. "
Are you for real????
This is a comments thread on a swinging forum, its total existence is for "comments", without comments there would be no conversation and no communication
So I will comment as and when I wish, if you are not happy with that, don't read |
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"I'm desperate for a baby. It's a huge void in my life and the one thing I would do anything for
then focus more on your wife rather than playing on here;
after all you do say on your profile you are married but playing around alone
Who are you to judge or comment???
We don't know the reasons why they don't or can't have children.
Are you for real????
This is a comments thread on a swinging forum, its total existence is for "comments", without comments there would be no conversation and no communication
So I will comment as and when I wish, if you are not happy with that, don't read "
That may be the case, but that doesn't mean you have to be nasty, or judgemental. No one knows what's going on in another person's life.
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"Not interested at all.
I fear it's going to be difficult to meet someone who feels the same."
There are quite a few women who don't want to have kids, there are lots of childfree sites on the internet and books about it. |
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Not personally but have a friend who didn't want them at all.
She focused on her career, going out on the piss and foreign holidays and then when she hit 35, it was like somebody smacked her with a wet fish and she suddenly really wanted them.
Unfortunately, she then found out she had cancer and had to have everything removed so can no longer carry a child of her own.
She has been in tears to me before saying she regretted not having them sooner but I keep telling her she had no way of knowing what was going to happen.
- Amy. x |
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By *UFC9Man
over a year ago
Whitley Bay & Tamworth |
"I'm now 28 and I'm 99percent sure I don't want kids. My question has anyone gone through life not wanting kids and later in life thought "shit I want them!" And it maybe been too late? "
I am now 40 and don't have children. Certainly up to my mid 30's it never crossed my mind having children then as the 40's approached I thought maybe I should but the more my wife and I discussed we realised it wasn't what we wanted and are happier than ever without! |
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"I'm now 28 and I'm 99percent sure I don't want kids. My question has anyone gone through life not wanting kids and later in life thought "shit I want them!" And it maybe been too late?
I am now 40 and don't have children. Certainly up to my mid 30's it never crossed my mind having children then as the 40's approached I thought maybe I should but the more my wife and I discussed we realised it wasn't what we wanted and are happier than ever without! "
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