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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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OK so....*sigh*
I've always allowed by girls to be pretty independent when it comes to what they wear, how they have their hair etc from when they been old enough to make their own desissions however for the first time ever I have a dilemma
My 15 year old daughter who has had very short hair for a while now has asked if she can have a grade one all over 
I really don't want to say no because at the end of the day it's her hair but also she's only 15, is a grade one a little too extreme for a 15 year old girl?
I'll be honest I'm kind of worried about the response she will get at school, she's already had bullying issues and this bothers me |
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That's a tough one... I guess you could bargain and ask her to wait till the summer holidays?
I kind of think that it's very cool to be the sort of parent who allows their kids to be individual and do their own thing and find their own identity but if there's a bullying issue already it might be smarter not to exacerbate that.
However, it pains me completely to say that because I don't think it's acceptable to allow bullying to dictate what you do but I'm sure the first concern is your kid so I'm a bit torn with that.
I have a mate whose 13 year old has dreads. She's as cool as they come and clearly knows her own mind. I'm not sure what her school thinks about it but my hat is off to her for her individuality. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"OK so....*sigh*
I've always allowed by girls to be pretty independent when it comes to what they wear, how they have their hair etc from when they been old enough to make their own desissions however for the first time ever I have a dilemma
My 15 year old daughter who has had very short hair for a while now has asked if she can have a grade one all over
I really don't want to say no because at the end of the day it's her hair but also she's only 15, is a grade one a little too extreme for a 15 year old girl?
I'll be honest I'm kind of worried about the response she will get at school, she's already had bullying issues and this bothers me "
I shaved my head at school.
Nobody cared.
Except the school, who made me wear a hat for six weeks. |
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"OK so....*sigh*
I've always allowed by girls to be pretty independent when it comes to what they wear, how they have their hair etc from when they been old enough to make their own desissions however for the first time ever I have a dilemma
My 15 year old daughter who has had very short hair for a while now has asked if she can have a grade one all over
I really don't want to say no because at the end of the day it's her hair but also she's only 15, is a grade one a little too extreme for a 15 year old girl?
I'll be honest I'm kind of worried about the response she will get at school, she's already had bullying issues and this bothers me "
It wont stop the bullying so why not if it makes her happy |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I would check with the school, and if they say no, say you would have let her and blame the school lol
Seriously, let her do it, she's expressing herself and her right to her individuality, and I would say the fact that she feels comfortable even after the bullying, is a positive sign, the problem is, that teenagers who have supportive parents who nit only live and cherish them, but give them the room and the freedom to become a person in their own right, have nothing to rebel against its quit boring when you can't piss your parents off lol
Hair grows back, so a shirt hair cut is temporary, love and support lasts generations  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I say let her do it. If she feels confident enough, then why not?
It's hair, it will grow back
My daughter went though Pale pink, purple, electric blue and bright pink in her last year at school. I don't think they were very happy but because she had done so well through school they chose to kind of ignore it. I think it is the worry of everyone else doing it. No one else did  |
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My only concern would be for her safety and well being.
I'd want her to know that I respect her decisions and think she has the right to manage her style. But I'd need to feel like the bullying is nailed down as an issue, before anything that may provoke it.
Without the bullying I'd almost certainly say yes for her. |
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Check the school policy on hair.
If it says no extreme cuts or very close crops/shaves then tell her the possible consequences.
If she says fuck it it's my hair... without flinching or batting an eyelid just say .... you are right and remember I'll be more than happy to give up work and do the home tutoring when they chuck you out xxx mwah ........
She'll think about it at least |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Check the school policy
This may be an indication of problems connected to the bullying. A form of self harming. A conversation with her sounds like a good idea "
So you think its so out of the ordinary for a teenage girl to do something outlandish with her hair |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Check the school policy
This may be an indication of problems connected to the bullying. A form of self harming. A conversation with her sounds like a good idea "
The self harming would cross my mind as I don't know your daughter or her motivations, but if that isn't an issue and she is one who repels bullys naturally then support her right to be different.
But do have the conversation that being different can be a lonely place for a teenager. |
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If your daughter was not at school I would say let her go for it, however I would be worried about the consequences of her breaking the dress code and being excluded until her hair is an acceptable length again |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sounds to me like she's asserting the fact that she's a strong willed individual who doesn't need the approval of others..so if she likes it shes gonna do it.I'm guessing the fact she wants one probably means some of her friends possibly have the same anyway.
I had a little streak of that myself during my school years. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Personally I wouldn't let her. At the end of the day she is 15. She's not an adult and I had some pretty fruity ideas when I was 15 that I'm glad I didn't carry out.
It'll pass. As a compromise you could always offer her a Christy Mack style with the sides shaved. |
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Surely part of it is a reaction to the bullying?
By doing this, she is radically altering her appearance, which may give her strength against the bullying.
It could go the other way, but it may be her way of facing them off; and the only way to stop bullying is to face it down. |
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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago
Northampton Somewhere |
The school my older children go to have very strict rules on hair styles. I've never heard of them expelling anyone over 'extreme' haircuts though.
I have a daughter. What would I do?..... call the school and try and persuade her to wait until the summer hols I think, perhaps let her have a couple of cuts before that getting shorter and shorter each time?
I do think it's great that younger people are so in control of what they want and as parents the best thing we can do it love, guide and support them x |
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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in North Norfolk |
"OK so....*sigh*
I've always allowed by girls to be pretty independent when it comes to what they wear, how they have their hair etc from when they been old enough to make their own desissions however for the first time ever I have a dilemma
My 15 year old daughter who has had very short hair for a while now has asked if she can have a grade one all over
I really don't want to say no because at the end of the day it's her hair but also she's only 15, is a grade one a little too extreme for a 15 year old girl?
I'll be honest I'm kind of worried about the response she will get at school, she's already had bullying issues and this bothers me "
Persuade her she wants a tattoo instead?  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Check the school policy
This may be an indication of problems connected to the bullying. A form of self harming. A conversation with her sounds like a good idea "
I wouldn't jump to the conclusion of 'self harming' without other evidence. It would be pretty abstract thinking for a young woman to associate shaving her head with self harming.
Perhaps she has just seen some cool female rolemodels recently with awesome crops and shaved heads? Charlize Theron, Jessie J, Natalie Portman, Karen Gillan, Natalie Dormer, maybe even Sigourney Weaver. |
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"OK so....*sigh*
I've always allowed by girls to be pretty independent when it comes to what they wear, how they have their hair etc from when they been old enough to make their own desissions however for the first time ever I have a dilemma
My 15 year old daughter who has had very short hair for a while now has asked if she can have a grade one all over
I really don't want to say no because at the end of the day it's her hair but also she's only 15, is a grade one a little too extreme for a 15 year old girl?
I'll be honest I'm kind of worried about the response she will get at school, she's already had bullying issues and this bothers me "
It's tough in these situations isn't it. I can't offer answers, I don't know her or you, all I can say is if you have concerns they're probably grounded in past experience with her and valid. As with all these things you'll only know if your decision is right years down the line. All I offer is my support as the parent of a 26 year old woman who presented me with many such dilemmas at 15 |
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"OK so....*sigh*
I've always allowed by girls to be pretty independent when it comes to what they wear, how they have their hair etc from when they been old enough to make their own desissions however for the first time ever I have a dilemma
My 15 year old daughter who has had very short hair for a while now has asked if she can have a grade one all over
I really don't want to say no because at the end of the day it's her hair but also she's only 15, is a grade one a little too extreme for a 15 year old girl?
I'll be honest I'm kind of worried about the response she will get at school, she's already had bullying issues and this bothers me "
As adults we can't always do what we want, a lesson to instill in our kids. The school may have issues around hair: I'd check. I'm also one for self expression and compromise.
How about waiting until the six weeks holiday?
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There is no right or wrong answer here is there? My 14 & half yr old son has just had a grade 1 or 2 all over as he's an army cadet. I hate it being that short but he's happy with it & his hair can't be styled as it's too wavy.
He's been told he has to start shaving & I've gone nuts over that thinking he's too young.
Our high school has very strict policies - if girls dye their hair it's meant to 1 colour all over, no makeup etc but it all gets ignored.
Has your daughter said why she wants to shave her hair off?
I like the idea that if she's adamant then wait until the summer holiday so she the 6 weeks to get used to it or start growing it back xx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"My only concern would be for her safety and well being.
I'd want her to know that I respect her decisions and think she has the right to manage her style. But I'd need to feel like the bullying is nailed down as an issue, before anything that may provoke it.
Without the bullying I'd almost certainly say yes for her."
That's the problem after two years of complaining, and me taking my child out of school the school did sort it out and it has stopped
The thing is the bullying was about her looks in the first place, because she's very boy looking and the way she acts they constantly called her a lesbian, it went way beyond that though, I don't really have the time to go through it all and I doubt anybody on here cares anyway but it got to the point she was locking herself in the toilet and calling me to come get her because she was to scared to leave school alone
As I said after a lot of arse ache and meetings it is sorted
But....
I just think if she rocks up with a shaven head is it going to set it all off again  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Check the school policy
This may be an indication of problems connected to the bullying. A form of self harming. A conversation with her sounds like a good idea "
No deffinatly not a form of self harming, she's always dressed like a boy since she was old enough to choose her own cloths, she even wears men's boxers and aftershave, the shaven head is no surprise to me at all, its quite inline with her personality |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Check the school policy
This may be an indication of problems connected to the bullying. A form of self harming. A conversation with her sounds like a good idea
No deffinatly not a form of self harming, she's always dressed like a boy since she was old enough to choose her own cloths, she even wears men's boxers and aftershave, the shaven head is no surprise to me at all, its quite inline with her personality "
Sounds like she's firing herself up to finally be who she wants to be. Perhaps she's finally decided she's fed up with it and wants to stick two fingers up and them, and show them that their words cannot hurt her?
I'd chat with her about that. But if that's why she's doing it... more power to her. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Check the school policy
This may be an indication of problems connected to the bullying. A form of self harming. A conversation with her sounds like a good idea
No deffinatly not a form of self harming, she's always dressed like a boy since she was old enough to choose her own cloths, she even wears men's boxers and aftershave, the shaven head is no surprise to me at all, its quite inline with her personality
Sounds like she's firing herself up to finally be who she wants to be. Perhaps she's finally decided she's fed up with it and wants to stick two fingers up and them, and show them that their words cannot hurt her?
I'd chat with her about that. But if that's why she's doing it... more power to her."
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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in North Norfolk |
"Check the school policy
This may be an indication of problems connected to the bullying. A form of self harming. A conversation with her sounds like a good idea
No deffinatly not a form of self harming, she's always dressed like a boy since she was old enough to choose her own cloths, she even wears men's boxers and aftershave, the shaven head is no surprise to me at all, its quite inline with her personality "
Also, kudos to you for letting her be herself.
A friend of mine is currently at odds with family members who keep telling her young grandson he should get his hair cut because he "looks like a girl"  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"How about half her hair? A compromise!? X"
She's already got a grade 3 undercut
Her hairs very short as it is, just having that bit of lenth on the top makes it appear a little softer
Thing is I have no problem at all how she has her hair, she's my daugher and her hair is irrelevant to me
The thing is I don't want the bullying to start again and I'm torn between letting her have it and putting my foot down to protect her from what may come
Kids eh  |
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"How about half her hair? A compromise!? X
She's already got a grade 3 undercut
Her hairs very short as it is, just having that bit of lenth on the top makes it appear a little softer
Thing is I have no problem at all how she has her hair, she's my daugher and her hair is irrelevant to me
The thing is I don't want the bullying to start again and I'm torn between letting her have it and putting my foot down to protect her from what may come
Kids eh "
What does she say about the probability of bullying? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Personally if my daughter said that I would say no and give her all the reasons why not."
What would be your reasons why a young woman shouldn't shave their head? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Personally if my daughter said that I would say no and give her all the reasons why not."
Go for it pancake, kids love to be oppressed and have adults curb their individuality it makes them much more rounded and compliant. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'd find out about the school policy on haircuts. And I'd ask her why she wanted that style. "
this as I know at my kids schools even boys aren't allowed that style x
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"OK so....*sigh*
I've always allowed by girls to be pretty independent when it comes to what they wear, how they have their hair etc from when they been old enough to make their own desissions however for the first time ever I have a dilemma
My 15 year old daughter who has had very short hair for a while now has asked if she can have a grade one all over
I really don't want to say no because at the end of the day it's her hair but also she's only 15, is a grade one a little too extreme for a 15 year old girl?
I'll be honest I'm kind of worried about the response she will get at school, she's already had bullying issues and this bothers me "
..
Will her school have an issue with it? . My daughter's old high school didn't allow girls to.. Or extreme hair dye.. Not on at all.. But rules are rules.
If they are.. and you decide to let her.. Then maybe she could get sponsored for a charity
. A friends daughter did this... Will make you proud.. And might take the edge off the shock for you |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'd say..let her go for it...if she is happy,you never know,she may have a Leppard print done (bonus).As for the school,I'd defend her right to choose
Stand up..fight for freedom
Stand up..fight for your rights
Fight the system..fight back.
Discharge. |
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I have a 19 year old daughter who has an individual style.
My personal advice would be to say to wait until the holidays if it is a breach of school rules. If not and she really wants to, as others have said it'll grow back.
She already has a boyish style so it shouldn't suddenly restart the bullying, and as Wasp said may be a way of standing up to it.
At the end of the day it's your decision. I don't envy you having to make it though.
Nita |
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