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Relationships...
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I'm after everyone's advice (well who is willing to share it)
I'm new to the whole relationship thing. I'd been pretty much single for 15 years apart from the odd 2 month fling.
When I was younger and had my 2 long term relationships, I don't remember how I kept it going for so long or the arguments/falling out. I just remember being in the relationship and the good times.
How do you make it work? As I know you have to constantly work at them.
What advice would you give to new relationships?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It shouldn't be hard work in the early days. All relationships need good communication and a bit of give and take and occasionally may need an amount of effort...but anything that requires constant effort probably isn't going to work long term. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"It shouldn't be hard work in the early days. All relationships need good communication and a bit of give and take and occasionally may need an amount of effort...but anything that requires constant effort probably isn't going to work long term."
I agree that it shouldn't be hard work and constant effort. It should just... Flow I guess? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It shouldn't be hard work in the early days. All relationships need good communication and a bit of give and take and occasionally may need an amount of effort...but anything that requires constant effort probably isn't going to work long term."
I find this interesting. Ten years ago, in the early days of our relationship, Marc and I disagreed more than we do now. I think our early days did actually take more effort. We were getting used to one another, we were learning each other, and therefore pissing each other off  A lot of it might have had to do with our ages, though.
But I think once we learned how to communicate and what our quirks were, it became easier to understand where the other person was coming from and to give leeway when it's needed.
It's interesting to me that relationships each have their own success (or failure) story. It helps to get advice and support from others but each of our relationships will in the end be a different story. I think.
-Courtney |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"It shouldn't be hard work in the early days. All relationships need good communication and a bit of give and take and occasionally may need an amount of effort...but anything that requires constant effort probably isn't going to work long term.
I find this interesting. Ten years ago, in the early days of our relationship, Marc and I disagreed more than we do now. I think our early days did actually take more effort. We were getting used to one another, we were learning each other, and therefore pissing each other off A lot of it might have had to do with our ages, though.
But I think once we learned how to communicate and what our quirks were, it became easier to understand where the other person was coming from and to give leeway when it's needed.
It's interesting to me that relationships each have their own success (or failure) story. It helps to get advice and support from others but each of our relationships will in the end be a different story. I think.
-Courtney "
I agree with this too! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"It shouldn't be hard work in the early days. All relationships need good communication and a bit of give and take and occasionally may need an amount of effort...but anything that requires constant effort probably isn't going to work long term.
I find this interesting. Ten years ago, in the early days of our relationship, Marc and I disagreed more than we do now. I think our early days did actually take more effort. We were getting used to one another, we were learning each other, and therefore pissing each other off A lot of it might have had to do with our ages, though.
How did you deal with the petty pissing Eachother off? "
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"If I feel I have to constantly work at a relationship I'd be debating whether I was with the right person for me. It shouldn't be too much work,but then what do I know it's been so long  "
I know, but I hear ALOT you have to work at relationships and marriages. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think ultimately you will know what makes the relationship tick, for some it will be sex, for some trust, others the friendship. Yes there may be friction but that doesn't mean your relationship doesn't work, just that you haven't learnt how to 'be together'. Its a long time to be on your own and single behaviour can be quite anti social. Just give yourself time and focus on what does work |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I think ultimately you will know what makes the relationship tick, for some it will be sex, for some trust, others the friendship. Yes there may be friction but that doesn't mean your relationship doesn't work, just that you haven't learnt how to 'be together'. Its a long time to be on your own and single behaviour can be quite anti social. Just give yourself time and focus on what does work"
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By *atnat85Woman
over a year ago
northwest |
I agree with Courtney, we argued more in our early days as it was both our first long term relationship, and so having to find out each others quirks takes time.
We still bicker now over petty things (housework, going out, what takeaway to have etc) nothing major, and within half an hour itsM normally sorted.Major life events put more stress on the relationship(we've just had a bereavement, working out our swinging rules, plus studying for a degree and now an impending house sale) but with communication you work through it. It's not always a bed of roses, but as long as there's more good than bad times you've cracked it I think x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It shouldn't be hard work in the early days. All relationships need good communication and a bit of give and take and occasionally may need an amount of effort...but anything that requires constant effort probably isn't going to work long term.
I find this interesting. Ten years ago, in the early days of our relationship, Marc and I disagreed more than we do now. I think our early days did actually take more effort. We were getting used to one another, we were learning each other, and therefore pissing each other off A lot of it might have had to do with our ages, though.
But I think once we learned how to communicate and what our quirks were, it became easier to understand where the other person was coming from and to give leeway when it's needed.
It's interesting to me that relationships each have their own success (or failure) story. It helps to get advice and support from others but each of our relationships will in the end be a different story. I think.
-Courtney "
Ive had this recently - the constantly pissing each other off as our personalities are so different. Not sure if there is a reason we keep going back for more - and I wouldn't normally - but I can't help thinking there is just 'something there'. Just I can't quite put my finger on it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It shouldn't be hard work in the early days. All relationships need good communication and a bit of give and take and occasionally may need an amount of effort...but anything that requires constant effort probably isn't going to work long term.
I find this interesting. Ten years ago, in the early days of our relationship, Marc and I disagreed more than we do now. I think our early days did actually take more effort. We were getting used to one another, we were learning each other, and therefore pissing each other off A lot of it might have had to do with our ages, though.
How did you deal with the petty pissing Eachother off? "
Talking. I know it sounds silly, but we talked. So if something silly started a fight (and being 17 at the time there was plenty of it...  ) we would have a fight then I would get silent and Marc would go out for a walk alone. But my silence pissed him off more and his disappearing pissed me off more so when we would talk again we would just fight more.
Then we decided to sit down and discuss our fight afterwards when we were calm. We told each other what made us even more angry. We admitted when something petty shouldn't have gotten into a big argument. We examined whether there were underlying problems. And we worked it out.
I would imagine that if there are many little fights there may be bigger underlying problems. You need to talk about those, not the petty things. Petty this should be forgotten. If you talk about the underlying issues, and you still can't agree, then perhaps the relationship isn't meant to be. But if you can work our the underlying issues, for us anyway, most of the pettyness disappeared.
But as I said, I think all relationships will be different.
-Courtney |
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"If I feel I have to constantly work at a relationship I'd be debating whether I was with the right person for me. It shouldn't be too much work,but then what do I know it's been so long
I know, but I hear ALOT you have to work at relationships and marriages."
Yes you do to a degree,there's give and take in everything,but when something feels too much like it's a constant battle of wills I'd back off especially in the early days. After my last boyfriend I now know what I don't want in a relationship,I need some one with a calm nature who doesn't make every little thing such hard bloody work  |
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I'm no expert on this but I think you know in your heart if something's truly worth working for. Not just relationships but anything in life. And I think as long as both parties see it like that then it can be worked on. The squabbles and fights are natural in any new relationship, they can be overcome if you both ultimately want to be together and it truly is viable. I'd like to think you know in your heart though if it really is working. Like I say though, I'm no expert. That's just my opinion. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I agree with Courtney, we argued more in our early days as it was both our first long term relationship, and so having to find out each others quirks takes time.
We still bicker now over petty things (housework, going out, what takeaway to have etc) nothing major, and within half an hour itsM normally sorted.Major life events put more stress on the relationship(we've just had a bereavement, working out our swinging rules, plus studying for a degree and now an impending house sale) but with communication you work through it. It's not always a bed of roses, but as long as there's more good than bad times you've cracked it I think x"
I like the weighing up of the good and bad as a judgment. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I'm no expert on this but I think you know in your heart if something's truly worth working for. Not just relationships but anything in life. And I think as long as both parties see it like that then it can be worked on. The squabbles and fights are natural in any new relationship, they can be overcome if you both ultimately want to be together and it truly is viable. I'd like to think you know in your heart though if it really is working. Like I say though, I'm no expert. That's just my opinion."
My mum always tells me when her and dad first got married they would have horrendous rows and not talks for a week! They're not like that now, they don't go to bed on an argument. They bicker nearly everyday of the week though. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"If I feel I have to constantly work at a relationship I'd be debating whether I was with the right person for me. It shouldn't be too much work,but then what do I know it's been so long
I know, but I hear ALOT you have to work at relationships and marriages.
Yes you do to a degree,there's give and take in everything,but when something feels too much like it's a constant battle of wills I'd back off especially in the early days. After my last boyfriend I now know what I don't want in a relationship,I need some one with a calm nature who doesn't make every little thing such hard bloody work "
I like someone calm too |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If I feel I have to constantly work at a relationship I'd be debating whether I was with the right person for me. It shouldn't be too much work,but then what do I know it's been so long
I know, but I hear ALOT you have to work at relationships and marriages.
Yes you do to a degree,there's give and take in everything,but when something feels too much like it's a constant battle of wills I'd back off especially in the early days. After my last boyfriend I now know what I don't want in a relationship,I need some one with a calm nature who doesn't make every little thing such hard bloody work
I like someone calm too "
Calm is great. It's when they're 'borderline personality disordered', when it's not so great! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"If I feel I have to constantly work at a relationship I'd be debating whether I was with the right person for me. It shouldn't be too much work,but then what do I know it's been so long
I know, but I hear ALOT you have to work at relationships and marriages.
Yes you do to a degree,there's give and take in everything,but when something feels too much like it's a constant battle of wills I'd back off especially in the early days. After my last boyfriend I now know what I don't want in a relationship,I need some one with a calm nature who doesn't make every little thing such hard bloody work
I like someone calm too
Calm is great. It's when they're 'borderline personality disordered', when it's not so great! "
I can sometimes be like jackall and Hyde  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I could never be in a relationship with someone I didn't love, many can but not for me.
If you truly are both in love with each other you should be able to overcome anything together.
No two relationships are ever the same so it's best just to go with the flow and see where it takes you. You will soon find out if it's meant to be or not.
Good luck |
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"I'm no expert on this but I think you know in your heart if something's truly worth working for. Not just relationships but anything in life. And I think as long as both parties see it like that then it can be worked on. The squabbles and fights are natural in any new relationship, they can be overcome if you both ultimately want to be together and it truly is viable. I'd like to think you know in your heart though if it really is working. Like I say though, I'm no expert. That's just my opinion.
My mum always tells me when her and dad first got married they would have horrendous rows and not talks for a week! They're not like that now, they don't go to bed on an argument. They bicker nearly everyday of the week though. "
My mum and dad are the same. Always bickering but it doesn't mean anything. They know and understand each other foibles and quirks. Love anchors it all I guess. Little arguments don't mean anything to them in the grand scheme of things. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I could never be in a relationship with someone I didn't love, many can but not for me.
If you truly are both in love with each other you should be able to overcome anything together.
No two relationships are ever the same so it's best just to go with the flow and see where it takes you. You will soon find out if it's meant to be or not.
Good luck"
Is there such a thing as loving someone too much!
THANKYOU |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Like you OP, any arguments and I end it. It's not a matter of making it work, it's a matter of mindset and the two people not being pricks. "
End the relationship? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"It shouldn't be hard work in the early days. All relationships need good communication and a bit of give and take and occasionally may need an amount of effort...but anything that requires constant effort probably isn't going to work long term.
I find this interesting. Ten years ago, in the early days of our relationship, Marc and I disagreed more than we do now. I think our early days did actually take more effort. We were getting used to one another, we were learning each other, and therefore pissing each other off A lot of it might have had to do with our ages, though.
But I think once we learned how to communicate and what our quirks were, it became easier to understand where the other person was coming from and to give leeway when it's needed.
It's interesting to me that relationships each have their own success (or failure) story. It helps to get advice and support from others but each of our relationships will in the end be a different story. I think.
-Courtney
Ive had this recently - the constantly pissing each other off as our personalities are so different. Not sure if there is a reason we keep going back for more - and I wouldn't normally - but I can't help thinking there is just 'something there'. Just I can't quite put my finger on it. "
Follow you're heart a lot of people say |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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An ex and I never fought. Ever. We both just swept things away. So we never really learned to talk either either, and all the little things were left bubbling under the surface.
Communication is key. I'm rubbish at it but I don't intend to make that mistake again. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm after everyone's advice (well who is willing to share it)
I'm new to the whole relationship thing. I'd been pretty much single for 15 years apart from the odd 2 month fling.
When I was younger and had my 2 long term relationships, I don't remember how I kept it going for so long or the arguments/falling out. I just remember being in the relationship and the good times.
How do you make it work? As I know you have to constantly work at them.
What advice would you give to new relationships?
"
I would say it works if you are friends. And want to be with that person constantly. You think bout them all the time and just want to rip their clothes off. But above all that you have to have good conversation and have loads of banter. I like the fact Mr A would fight me for the last bit of cake and calls me Bitch Cunt rather than sweet heart. Also don't take things so serious in a relationship and do things spur of the moment and surprise them as much as you can. It helps if you get these things in return also lol x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"An ex and I never fought. Ever. We both just swept things away. So we never really learned to talk either either, and all the little things were left bubbling under the surface.
Communication is key. I'm rubbish at it but I don't intend to make that mistake again."
Interesting thanks lib! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I'm after everyone's advice (well who is willing to share it)
I'm new to the whole relationship thing. I'd been pretty much single for 15 years apart from the odd 2 month fling.
When I was younger and had my 2 long term relationships, I don't remember how I kept it going for so long or the arguments/falling out. I just remember being in the relationship and the good times.
How do you make it work? As I know you have to constantly work at them.
What advice would you give to new relationships?
I would say it works if you are friends. And want to be with that person constantly. You think bout them all the time and just want to rip their clothes off. But above all that you have to have good conversation and have loads of banter. I like the fact Mr A would fight me for the last bit of cake and calls me Bitch Cunt rather than sweet heart. Also don't take things so serious in a relationship and do things spur of the moment and surprise them as much as you can. It helps if you get these things in return also lol x"
I'm naturally a giver, but I won't be walked all over |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm after everyone's advice (well who is willing to share it)
I'm new to the whole relationship thing. I'd been pretty much single for 15 years apart from the odd 2 month fling.
When I was younger and had my 2 long term relationships, I don't remember how I kept it going for so long or the arguments/falling out. I just remember being in the relationship and the good times.
How do you make it work? As I know you have to constantly work at them.
What advice would you give to new relationships?
I would say it works if you are friends. And want to be with that person constantly. You think bout them all the time and just want to rip their clothes off. But above all that you have to have good conversation and have loads of banter. I like the fact Mr A would fight me for the last bit of cake and calls me Bitch Cunt rather than sweet heart. Also don't take things so serious in a relationship and do things spur of the moment and surprise them as much as you can. It helps if you get these things in return also lol x"
I think the best relationships work when you don't work too hard at them and just go with the flow x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm after everyone's advice (well who is willing to share it)
I'm new to the whole relationship thing. I'd been pretty much single for 15 years apart from the odd 2 month fling.
When I was younger and had my 2 long term relationships, I don't remember how I kept it going for so long or the arguments/falling out. I just remember being in the relationship and the good times.
How do you make it work? As I know you have to constantly work at them.
What advice would you give to new relationships?
I would say it works if you are friends. And want to be with that person constantly. You think bout them all the time and just want to rip their clothes off. But above all that you have to have good conversation and have loads of banter. I like the fact Mr A would fight me for the last bit of cake and calls me Bitch Cunt rather than sweet heart. Also don't take things so serious in a relationship and do things spur of the moment and surprise them as much as you can. It helps if you get these things in return also lol x
I'm naturally a giver, but I won't be walked all over "
How long have you been in your relationship and how do you think it's going so far? X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I wasn't saying there shouldn't be disagreements just that it really shouldn't be hard work. You shouldn't feel like you are arguing over everything or having to compromise on every little thing. I think for a relationship to succeed it's important to see eye to eye on the major important things and everything else can be worked on....well for me anyway. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I'm after everyone's advice (well who is willing to share it)
I'm new to the whole relationship thing. I'd been pretty much single for 15 years apart from the odd 2 month fling.
When I was younger and had my 2 long term relationships, I don't remember how I kept it going for so long or the arguments/falling out. I just remember being in the relationship and the good times.
How do you make it work? As I know you have to constantly work at them.
What advice would you give to new relationships?
I would say it works if you are friends. And want to be with that person constantly. You think bout them all the time and just want to rip their clothes off. But above all that you have to have good conversation and have loads of banter. I like the fact Mr A would fight me for the last bit of cake and calls me Bitch Cunt rather than sweet heart. Also don't take things so serious in a relationship and do things spur of the moment and surprise them as much as you can. It helps if you get these things in return also lol x
I'm naturally a giver, but I won't be walked all over
How long have you been in your relationship and how do you think it's going so far? X"
Nearly 5 months... It's been going great, but the last month has had some petty fallings out. I don't feel like we are working to hard at it. We get on really well and genuinely really love each other and are friends too. Im just new at relationships and wanted others advice on how they look at relationships and deal with them  |
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"An ex and I never fought. Ever. We both just swept things away. So we never really learned to talk either either, and all the little things were left bubbling under the surface.
Communication is key. I'm rubbish at it but I don't intend to make that mistake again."
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Listen ask questions and focus on where there perspective is, if you want to understand. Once you understand you can comprimise. Never presume you know what someones thinking or where they are coming from and why. Ive been with hubs 11 years and he still surprises me all the time. Value your differences thats what will keep things interesting xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm after everyone's advice (well who is willing to share it)
I'm new to the whole relationship thing. I'd been pretty much single for 15 years apart from the odd 2 month fling.
When I was younger and had my 2 long term relationships, I don't remember how I kept it going for so long or the arguments/falling out. I just remember being in the relationship and the good times.
How do you make it work? As I know you have to constantly work at them.
What advice would you give to new relationships?
I would say it works if you are friends. And want to be with that person constantly. You think bout them all the time and just want to rip their clothes off. But above all that you have to have good conversation and have loads of banter. I like the fact Mr A would fight me for the last bit of cake and calls me Bitch Cunt rather than sweet heart. Also don't take things so serious in a relationship and do things spur of the moment and surprise them as much as you can. It helps if you get these things in return also lol x
I'm naturally a giver, but I won't be walked all over
How long have you been in your relationship and how do you think it's going so far? X
Nearly 5 months... It's been going great, but the last month has had some petty fallings out. I don't feel like we are working to hard at it. We get on really well and genuinely really love each other and are friends too. Im just new at relationships and wanted others advice on how they look at relationships and deal with them "
 
You have to look at why you are falling out and do the arguments really matter. It should still be the honeymoon period also...5 months is not long at all!!! A good thing is not see each other as much (for the love of god do not suggest this if you think she will take offence) and when the argume start take a step back and actually see who started the argument. ...if it's you just admit you've been a dick and appologise and move on....if it's her then think if it's worth saying....if It's petty just make a joke about it and repeat something she said that caused the argument....for a couple reasons....you can get your point accross if you are saying it in a joking way and it lets her know it was her fault without it making her feel bad. Hope you can make head nor tale of this pmsl x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If I feel I have to constantly work at a relationship I'd be debating whether I was with the right person for me. It shouldn't be too much work,but then what do I know it's been so long
I know, but I hear ALOT you have to work at relationships and marriages.
Yes you do to a degree,there's give and take in everything,but when something feels too much like it's a constant battle of wills I'd back off especially in the early days. After my last boyfriend I now know what I don't want in a relationship,I need some one with a calm nature who doesn't make every little thing such hard bloody work
I like someone calm too
Calm is great. It's when they're 'borderline personality disordered', when it's not so great! "
Just because someone has a mental health illness doesn't mean the relationship will be shit. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If I feel I have to constantly work at a relationship I'd be debating whether I was with the right person for me. It shouldn't be too much work,but then what do I know it's been so long
I know, but I hear ALOT you have to work at relationships and marriages.
Yes you do to a degree,there's give and take in everything,but when something feels too much like it's a constant battle of wills I'd back off especially in the early days. After my last boyfriend I now know what I don't want in a relationship,I need some one with a calm nature who doesn't make every little thing such hard bloody work
I like someone calm too
Calm is great. It's when they're 'borderline personality disordered', when it's not so great!
Just because someone has a mental health illness doesn't mean the relationship will be shit. "
Perhaps for others this is so, but not in my experience. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If I feel I have to constantly work at a relationship I'd be debating whether I was with the right person for me. It shouldn't be too much work,but then what do I know it's been so long
I know, but I hear ALOT you have to work at relationships and marriages.
Yes you do to a degree,there's give and take in everything,but when something feels too much like it's a constant battle of wills I'd back off especially in the early days. After my last boyfriend I now know what I don't want in a relationship,I need some one with a calm nature who doesn't make every little thing such hard bloody work
I like someone calm too
Calm is great. It's when they're 'borderline personality disordered', when it's not so great!
Just because someone has a mental health illness doesn't mean the relationship will be shit.
Perhaps for others this is so, but not in my experience. "
That's your experience, doesn't mean its the same for everyone.
I have BPD and my relationship is absolutely fine.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If I feel I have to constantly work at a relationship I'd be debating whether I was with the right person for me. It shouldn't be too much work,but then what do I know it's been so long
I know, but I hear ALOT you have to work at relationships and marriages.
Yes you do to a degree,there's give and take in everything,but when something feels too much like it's a constant battle of wills I'd back off especially in the early days. After my last boyfriend I now know what I don't want in a relationship,I need some one with a calm nature who doesn't make every little thing such hard bloody work
I like someone calm too
Calm is great. It's when they're 'borderline personality disordered', when it's not so great!
Just because someone has a mental health illness doesn't mean the relationship will be shit.
Perhaps for others this is so, but not in my experience.
That's your experience, doesn't mean its the same for everyone.
I have BPD and my relationship is absolutely fine.
"
I didn't say it was the same for everyone, just personal opinion.
Out of interest, what advice would you give for someone in a relationship with someone with BPD? I've had two now and I'm guessing I'm not reacting very well to it. |
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By *atnat85Woman
over a year ago
northwest |
"Communication X 10000000.
And argue. It's healthy now and again. But never go to bed on an argument.
"
We don't intentionally go to bed on an argument however I have an annoying habit of falling asleep after about a minute of hitting the pillow, so husband has learnt not to sulk in silence or I will fall asleep! |
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"It shouldn't be hard work in the early days. All relationships need good communication and a bit of give and take and occasionally may need an amount of effort...but anything that requires constant effort probably isn't going to work long term.
I find this interesting. Ten years ago, in the early days of our relationship, Marc and I disagreed more than we do now. I think our early days did actually take more effort. We were getting used to one another, we were learning each other, and therefore pissing each other off A lot of it might have had to do with our ages, though.
But I think once we learned how to communicate and what our quirks were, it became easier to understand where the other person was coming from and to give leeway when it's needed.
It's interesting to me that relationships each have their own success (or failure) story. It helps to get advice and support from others but each of our relationships will in the end be a different story. I think.
-Courtney "
I like this the last bit about all relationships having their unique route and story is sooo true. If you plan too much or don't follow your instincts things can wobble. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If I feel I have to constantly work at a relationship I'd be debating whether I was with the right person for me. It shouldn't be too much work,but then what do I know it's been so long
I know, but I hear ALOT you have to work at relationships and marriages.
Yes you do to a degree,there's give and take in everything,but when something feels too much like it's a constant battle of wills I'd back off especially in the early days. After my last boyfriend I now know what I don't want in a relationship,I need some one with a calm nature who doesn't make every little thing such hard bloody work
I like someone calm too
Calm is great. It's when they're 'borderline personality disordered', when it's not so great!
Just because someone has a mental health illness doesn't mean the relationship will be shit.
Perhaps for others this is so, but not in my experience.
That's your experience, doesn't mean its the same for everyone.
I have BPD and my relationship is absolutely fine.
I didn't say it was the same for everyone, just personal opinion.
Out of interest, what advice would you give for someone in a relationship with someone with BPD? I've had two now and I'm guessing I'm not reacting very well to it. "
I guess you have been on the end of some of the behaviours that people with BPD are famous for?
Me too, ended up taking several trips to the police about my ex-partners ex wife.
So what I'm going say may sound harsh....
You can understand and sympathise with the person who has it. That's ok.
Disabilities are shit and make life hard. But there is help out there to make sure I manage my condition and can function normally.
BPD is one influence on a person's behaviour, it's not an excuse for being an asshole.
If I punched my partner in the face, I might have been influenced by the BPD symptoms but I am still a fully functioning adult who has made the decision to hurt someone. I know what the consequences of that action are.
So my advice would be aware of the condition, but look after yourself first. Boundaries and consequences are important. If they send you 200 texts, you will block and dump. If they emotionally abuse you, you will cut contact.
Hope that helps x
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"
It's interesting to me that relationships each have their own success (or failure) story. It helps to get advice and support from others but each of our relationships will in the end be a different story. I think. "
This exactly! When I look around and see so many great relationships falling apart, it is quite scary.
So trying to work on mine I keep it all in mind.
And Listen. And communicate. And be friendly (so obvious? Not always especially if you are pissed off)
And DO NOT ACT PRINCESS |
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